June 23rd - Being Honest with Me

The story...

Much of my life was spent trying to change me in ways that'd: satisfy my ego; protect me from harm; experience love; feed my economic engine; provide me with the stuff to live out my life comfortably; and to get along with others.  I could've worked out that plan without the power of God if circumstances and random variables would've gone my way.

I remember hearing that my sin separated me from a relationship with the Creator of all things - I was about 7 years old and I was listening to a loving-old woman tell me this "truth," using a flannelgraph, at a neighbors house.  She asked if anybody wanted to come up front and receive God's gift of forgiveness and restoration.  I was the only one who came up to the front to make a profession of faith.  It may've been a divine appointment.  What actually happened there is both mysterious and wonderful - the trajectory of my life changed.

The flannelgraph told "The" story in a more colorful way

I experienced the fleeting pleasures of sin and also served as an "Acolyte" lighting candles in church.  At 15, I made a promise to God that I'd serve him if he saved me from a predicament.  At 21, I felt brokenness and earnestly read the four Gospels during the summer of 1980.  I was surprised to hear who Jesus the Christ was.  I ask my Mom: "Why didn't anyone tell me this before?"  My mom replied something like: "Oh you heard all those stories in church and Sunday school..."  God took the reins of my life thereafter and seemed to orchestrate my life as though I was living out a role in some sort of play - I did my part and things seemed to work their way out.

My personal book of life records: hope, faith, drifting, achievement, disappointment, joy, success, failure, love, hurt, friendships, and an increasingly closer walk/relationship with God.  I've experienced much through the grace of God - I'm so thankful for all of my life experiences.  He drew me closer and closer to Him and my capacity to love God, myself, and others has grown too.  I stand thankful for my faith in God - right with Him in Christ. 

Just for today...

"The courage to be honest with ourselves is one quality we can cultivate to help our spiritual growth."  Courage to Change (p. 175)

Stewart, J. S. (1935). A man in Christ: The vital elements of St. Paul’s religion. 

June 22nd - Peace = Freedom from the cares of this world?

The story...

My mother is currently struggling through the last stage of life.  She has trouble standing, turning, and remembering things that link her to this current life.  She's going to say goodbye to this life and hello to the next soon.  I love my momma, yet pray that today will be the day that God receives her into His hand.  She worked out her part in the story of life.

A new life yet to be written

As my momma's son, my soul is quiet.  The quietness was strange at first yet now seems normal.  I'm not sensing related feelings of: happiness, fearfulness, sadness, anger, shame or guilt.  My mind questions what my role should be during these last days yet it also seems quiet.  It's possible that this is God given peace - I do feel right, balanced, hopeful and prepared.

I previously posted the following bible verse on this blog - it's the verse that offers me the most hope.

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13 (NASB)  

It seems that joy is a God given state of well being, thankfulness and appreciation.  Might peace be a release from the cares of the world?  What a wonderful wish of hope from the Apostle Paul to these believers in Rome whom he hadn't met.

People would experience hope, joy and peace within the only church in town.  Oh that God would continually fill me with His power to face life's circumstances with active hope.

Just for today...

"When I blamed others for how I felt, I was giving them power over my feelings, power that rightly belonged to me.  Nobody can make me feel anything without my consent."  Courage to Change (p. 174)

June 21st - Are Bike Tours a Way to Bathe in Kindness?

The story...

What does kindness mean to me?  I remember when older, wiser, and more powerful adults invested their time with me and took an interest in what I thought, did and hoped for - they were kind.  I remember people allowing me to share my thoughts when they had more knowledge or knew where I was wrong - I may not have even been aware of their kindness.  I remember people witnessing my sadness and coming along side me until I felt better - kindness felt.  I remember riding my bicycle across Iowa in July; people fed me, watered me, entertained me, and provided a safe, more comfortable, place - the whole bike journey and Iowa seemed kind.

RAGBRAI - Kindness

So, am I a kind person?  I'd like to think I am.  Yet, I've limits to the degree that I'm willing to engage in other people's lives and share my limited resources.  Why?  I don't want to characterize myself as self-centered yet I know that I am selfish by nature - I've a track record that confirms my selfishness.  I was busy doing the work thing, raising my family, and amassing the stuff I thought I needed to achieve my life expectations - the "too busy" thing is no longer an excuse for not being kind.

I want to be characterized as a kind person.  So what's my game plan for being kind?  I expect kindness is something different than love.  Maybe it's love worked out amongst others.  As a supervisor, it was unkind to not hold subordinates accountable for improving and achieving good results.  As a parent, it was unkind to try to fulfill all your children's desires and thereby stunt their growth.  So, I don't think kindness is always doting on or "helping" another person.  I expect that kindness is intertwined, with love, justice, and respect too.  Sometimes, kindness may mean separating from one you love, saying goodbye, so that they can venture out on a new path that they must say hello to without you.  I know that God is kind yet true to all of His other qualities too.  People who've been pruned or disciplined by God may not feel kindness until they came closer to God, with a right heart - the peace of God.

The only church in town will have people who are living the good life in Christ, trusting God's promises, and more rightly related to God in actualities.  People would live out their life circumstances together and experience love worked out.  Like selfish caterpillars morphing into a kinder and more loving butterfly - the power of God transforming people like me.

Just for today...

"If I concentrate on being tolerant and kind at all times, with everyone, it will soon become and automatic reaction, no matter how trying the circumstances might be.  This attitude will color whatever I do an make me more acceptable, to myself as well as to others."  One Day at a Time (p. 173)

June 20th - The Stacking Habit

The story...

My story begins with my attempt to share a bad habit that I replaced with a good one.  I selected a habit that I'd like to change over the next month.  When I post this blog on June 20th, you'll hear, or read, my rendition of what actually occurred.  Will I be able to replace the habit with a better one and will I be more comfortable with myself as a result?

The habit I choose is: organizing the stuff near my side of the bed every day.  I've a habit of stacking things, quickly tossing down my clothes, and inviting my spouse, without actually saying so, to stack stuff there too.  I'll organize my side of my bedroom every day after I complete the nytimes.com "Wordle" game.

My Wordle result - 05/17/23

I've heard it said that a good way to begin a new habit is to "Stack" it after a habit that you find pleasure in or look forward to.  Personally, I look forward to every Sunday morning when I meet my friends at church, synch our lives, remind each other of the reality of what God's revealed, and to praise and wordship "That in Which There is No Greater."  Being involved in the only church in town will involve people and their sin which will inevitably cause conflict and problems.  God's Word and Power will offer peace for each of his "Christ Ones" as they navigate through life together.  People and their habits being transformed toward...

STACKING TRIAL UPDATE:  It didn't work - I still have a stack of stuff next to my bed.  Maybe the stack is part of my routine or habits that best fits this stage of life that I'm journeying through?  I'm okay with me just as I am today - living in the present more honestly and humbly.

Just for today...

"The 'defects of character' I want to be rid of are sure to have deep roots in habit . . . If I am truly willing, I will see them replaced gradually by impulses of a different quality, that I can live with, comfortably and free from self-reproach."   One Day at a Time (p. 172)

"The first step in learning to respond more effectively to others is to learn to respond more effectively to myself.  I can learn to respond with love, caring, and respect for myself, even for those parts of me that experience fear, confusion, and anger."  Courage to Change (p. 172)

June 19th - "I Get it! - Why is it so hard for you?"

The story...

I remember my older sister teaching me how a letter in a math equation represented a quantity that could vary or have only one possible correct answer.  Initially, I rejected the idea that a math equation could contain letters - "come on, you can get it, it's easy."  I eventually did get it.  In fact, I got it before the rest of the kids in my class were even introduced to the idea.  Yes, I was something - the pride of life. 

My brain was now "wired" to better understand what a variable was and that there were relationships between most things.  I took math all the way through differential equations and applied linear statistical models - it wasn't easy but I made it through many new ways of thinking that helped me to model and solve problems within complex systems.  I better learned some of the equations that govern how our reality works.  I learned to design experiments, work problems through groups with "six-sigma," and eventually took on responsibility for a chunk of the body of knowledge as a professor.  "Cite your sources."  "What is the basis of your claim?"   "Record your assumptions." "I don't care about your opinions - give me the facts."  "Popular Mechanics is not a peer-reviewed journal - you can't cite anything from that periodical."  Eventually, they got it too.

I've moved on from my professor role. I haven't taught a class, mentored a fledgling researcher, or served as a journal article peer-reviewer for over four years.  Some question how I could work so hard along a life path and then go in a new direction.  My new path, or life purpose, is to become a better man and community member who walks closer and more humbly with God in Christ.  It seems my eyes are focused more on others and my heart leans closer towards eternity - it's a good place to be.

The only church in town will represent the community who are encouraged to live out the phase of life that they're actually in.  People in the later phases will show respect and dignity to people who are walking through a phase that they previously struggled through, grew from, and hopefully enjoyed.

Just for today...

"Blaming my discomfort on outside events can be a way to avoid facing the real cause - my own attitudes.  I can see what is happening in my life and take responsibility for my response."  Courage to Change (p. 171)

"As I understand the difficult task of facing myself and my faults.  I will guard against self-justification and self-righteousness."  One Day at at Time (p. 171)

June 18th - Expectations - A Blame Game

The story...

Thankfully my spouse and I chose to stay members of the same church for over 39 years.  Along that journey, most attenders decided to move to another church that better met their needs.  In my limited experience, they were most often disappointed with pastor(s).

Each person hoped that the preacher would've worked out their faith regarding the subjects that they espoused.  When the attender performed an honest personal appraisal, they'd expect to see gaps between the quality of their life and the life of the pastor.  The pastor "should" have worked out a more honest an ongoing spiritual life based on a calling to serve and a superior knowledge of God's revelations - they should actually have a deep and honest relationship with God.  Weren't they ordained and vetted by the people who know God and His Word?  The quality of their relationship with God should be reflected in their loving relationships with others too.  Shouldn't the pastor's life be characterized by the peace of God worked out within most of the circumstance of life?  "Shouldn't I be able to witness God's promises fulfilled in a life worked out through faith in His revealed Word?"  If he can't actually work out this honest good life then why am I listening to him?  "Is he a "jar of clay?"

Some people stay and choose to accept their pastor as they are and dote on them - treat them as a sort of pet who needs a lot of attention and kindness to be okay and happy.  Give them a lot of positive feedback, getaway vacations, and gifts.  They likely brag about the qualities of their pastor while they treat him as a sort of "better" extension of themselves.  Emphasize and highlight "everything" that happens in their lives and give them plenty of attention too.  

Yes, it's easier to blame or dote on the pastor rather than to be honest with our own reality.  Scripture says that we're born with this "sin" problem and that separates us from our Holy God.  Our efforts to learn and apply the secrets of the "good" life are in vain due to our inherent sin nature.  We must obey the greatest commandment to love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind and soul and our neighbor as ourselves, yet it's not within our nature to truly do so.  God says that His Son, Jesus the Christ, died to atone for this sin debt that separates each of us from a right relationship with our Holy God - our Father.  Even more strangely, scripture says that only God knows whose heart, inner person, is right with God and whose isn't.  And, stranger yet, He indwells those who are truly His via the Holy Spirit or the Spirit of Christ.  He is our evidence of our salvation and the "seal' that confirms that we're right with God.  That's good news and why people would treasure the only church in town.

Holy Spirit - Evidence

Just for today...

"Will I blame others for what I do on the ground that I am compelled to react to their wrongdoing?" One Day at a Time (p. 170)

"I was in the habit of blaming two particular people for all my problems.  I would take turns detesting and obsessing about each of them instead of focusing on myself."  Hope for Today (p. 170)

June 17th - Remember the joy of floating down that river?

The story...

There's a dam and a river between Hamlin Lake and Lake Michigan.  The dam regulates the flow in a way that inner-tubbers can float down the river to lake Michigan on most summer days.  The water flows faster when it narrows and slows down when it widens.  When it breaks through the sandy beach area, it speeds up in the narrows and cuts deeper too - eventually it flows into Lake Michigan.

The memories of floating and swimming with friends invokes feelings of happiness and a sense of peacefulness.  It took a lot of work to get all of the floats, fins, life jackets, towels, goggles, books, lotion, and beach chairs to their correct position at either the start or end of the float trip.  One person had to drop the van off and run back to the start.

That lazy river might be a metaphor for life.  God has a will for our lives that flows with relative ease and purpose.  Yet we can kick hard to try to go back upstream, worry about a little bit of rain when we're already wet, venture into the shallows to check out a shiny object, or even kick to the shallows and slow way down while watching others float along.  I remember jumping out to tow a couple tubes and stepping on a fishing hook - ugh.  Yes, floating is about resting and trusting in the river's power.

The only church in town would teach about God's revealed power and provision.  Life, like the river, requires us to do our part and trust God for the rest.  Oh... work out our part of the problem and detach - let God work out His good and right will.

Just for today...

"... if I could subordinate my will to His.  This is a stumbling block for so many of us: we feel obliged to apply the force of our will to our problems.  No solutions can be found in this way."  One Day at a Time (p. 169)

June 16th - Dignity and Respect Worked Out

The story...

When I assigned my kids a job, like raking the lawn, I assumed that they'd want to learn and follow my best method.  How do you know what a well-groomed yard looks like unless you're told?  I had this compelling  urge to "jump into" the process if it wasn't going the way I thought was best..

Personally, I like to be shown a best way to perform a job and then be left alone to try it for awhile - time to work out my own method.  I do want to know what a "good job" looks like yet it's easy to get information overload - too much information too soon.  I do have a strange sense of satisfaction when I learn a new task/job and cast my eyes on my completed work.  I know that most people don't view or experience work the same way I do yet I expect that most people enjoy that deep-down satisfaction of a job well done.  Self-respect and dignity seem intertwined as we exercise our abilities.

The only church in town will have a variety of opportunities for people to engage in work both as individuals and as groups - a good person-job fit.  I'd hope that they'd experience the love of the Spirit of Christ as they're treated with respect and love along the way.  Might we all agree that relationships are much more important than the trimming of the lawn?

Just for today...

"... if I take over other people's responsibilities, I may rob them of the chance to accomplish something and to feel good about what they've done.  Although I am trying to help, my actions may be communicating a lack of respect for my loved one's abilities.  When I detach with love, I offer support by freeing those I care about to experience both their satisfactions and disappointments."  Courage to Change (p. 168)

June 15th - Seek first to understand and relate to others

The story...

I arrived late to my son's baseball game and merged into the crowd to see my son walking up to the plate.  I yell out some "remember to..." encouragement and he turns in my direction and asks "what did you say?"  The audience looks at me and I sat embarrassed.  I knew then that my behavior was wrong and didn't forget the incident.  It helped me see a problem but didn't reveal the cause. 

Old home plate in our back yard

Much of my life has been spent repeatedly attempting to convey and convince others of my better understanding on any topic of interest to me.  I may've justified this demeaning behavior as a means for "helping" others and refining my thoughts by testing and defending them.  In reality, I inhibited relationships, other people's growth, and my own growth too.  Most importantly, the behavior restrained important relationships.

For me, a better way has been to work out a sincere interest in people as they are and where they are.  It's strange that it would be a surprise to me that people whom I take a sincere interest in seem to become sincerely interested in me too. Close friendships are now part of my definition of the "good" life - I don't want to work my way through life without them.

The only church in town will likely have a preacher who will frequently speak to the full congregation.  I hope that the messages would be centered around who we are in Christ and less about what we should, or oughta, be thinking or doing.

Just for today...

"What are the attitudes and behaviors that may have served me (or at least gave the illusion of serving me) in the past but now limit my capacity to experience joy and fulfillment?  What are the resentments that keep me in bondage to the past?"  Hope for Today (p. 167)

"I will not add to the problem by using cruel, clever words to humiliate a fellow human being. In doing so, I would be shaming myself."  Courage to Change (p. 167)

June 14th - Will what works for you really work best for others?

The story...

Oh the countless hours spent coaching others regarding how they might best improve their lives based on my own learnings and experiences.  Sharing my ways of living seemed like a noble endeavor.  This "story teller" style of interaction attracted listeners.  The dream of telling stories as a professor seemed like a good person-job fit so I worked that long winding path towards a PhD.  The last ten years of my career were spent living out my dream job.

I imagined being a professor who lived on a quiet-tree-lined street, in a one-story house, with a big front porch.  Students would stop by to discuss their research work, to talk about life, or to imagine what might be together.  We'd work consulting engagements together where we'd make a real difference.  As you might expect, it didn't work out the way I imagined.  Students and fellow professors tired me by the end of the day and I looked forward to retiring to my condo outside of campus.

Towards the end of the semester, during my first year teaching in Duluth, MN, a student made a comment to me within a large lecture hall.  "I don't see why we're tested on opinions that you have about anything - shouldn't we be tested on what's proved to be true about the subject?"  He was right; thereafter, I clearly distinguished my opinion from the body of knowledge that we studied together.

So, I do know a lot of stuff yet know that a man should be taught as though they've not been taught. Who can know the will of God for another person?  Within the past three years, I've more frequently kept my opinions to myself and found that I now have few opinions as to what another person might best do or be.  It seems, I don't naturally gravitate to forming opinions about other people anymore.  I do look for, and greatly appreciate, closer relationships with other people and my closer walk with God through the Spirit of Christ.

Interpersonal skills worthy of emulating...

Within the only church in town, people would be allowed to actually grow in their love for God, for themselves, and for other people too.  Each person loving in their own unique way and at their own pace.   The measure of their faith wouldn't be primarily based on their knowledge of scripture or church resume - they would be a unique work of God, rightly related to Him, and humbly walking together.

Just for today...

"It's only natural to want to share what works for me with those I love.  But, when I must share it now, I may be more interested in changing others than in sharing my experience, strength, and hope."  Courage to Change (p. 166)

"We ought not to insist on everyone following in our footsteps, nor to take upon ourselves to give instructions in spirituality when, perhaps, we do not even know what it is."  Teresa of Avila

June 13th - Love 'em Just the Way They Are or Control 'em?

The story...

As a boy, I learned how to conform to the norms of the family, friends, classroom and the church.  When I was rejected by the teacher, peer groups, family members, or "that girl," then I adapted, rolled with punches, and even crafted my own role to "act" out.  As an adolescent, I often rebelled against the system.

I played the cornet in the band throughout middle school and high school.  This was the group that I best identified with.  However, I "pushed back" against the control that was exercised by the band director.  I refused to participate in any performance challenges during my Junior year.  I merely picked up my horn case and moved down to the lower seat.  This only worked out because the best trumpet player also joined me.  The director solved the problem by putting us in a trumpet section - we actually played more of the melody together.  

Controlling to the Extreme

The band director asked that I record my practice hours on a card during my senior year.  He let me know that it was for my benefit and did not require a parent signature.  I took it home and entered two weeks of zeros.  I asked my mom and dad to both sign the practice card - they did.  The band director looked at the signed practice sheet and said: "It appears that this isn't going to work with you."

I worked as a drug-store delivery boy and was assigned to work a Friday evening and would need to miss the football game.  The director would not accept my excuse and told me that he better see me in the band formation prior to the game.  I went to work anyway and drove the delivery car through the band formation while waving at the director.  I earned a "D" in band my senior year.

During my Senior year of college I brought two of my friends to my home town and actually took them on a tour of my High School.  The band director saw me as I was making moves to avoid him.  I was shocked at how respectfully he treated me and my friends.  I'm so thankful for that man and how he worked to shape that rebellious spirit in me. He wasn't the last person to reach out to help me.

The people in the only church in town will be wonderfully created to be unique and more complete as a group.  Strangely people are drawn to adapt their behavior, or role play, in order to fit the group's expectations of who they should be.  Hopefully, the only church in town would love 'em as they are and offer them a path to grow their faith in their own way and at their own pace.  I'm so thankful that the Patriarchs of the bible were often rebels who God loved and redeemed.

Just for today...

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image.  Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them."  Thomas Merton:  No Man is an Island.

June 12th - Freedom from Co-Dependency

The story...

I grew up believing that we were right and they were wrong.  Those who were different were dummies.  Follow our rules and code and distance yourself from others who think or behave differently - the group had the right opinion about everything.  My rebellious personality enabled me to break free and experience a broader scope of ideas, behaviors and ways for working out my life.  Thank goodness that I sought to understand others and was curious about their ways of living.  However, like a good soldier, I gravitated toward accepting a set of rules for working out my Christian life.  Yet, I rebelled along the journey - oh... yet for the grace of God and His pursuit of me.

Robert Subby (1984) defined Co-Dependency as "An emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual's prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules - rules which prevent the open expression of feelings as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems."

Melody Beattie (1992) described how she spent most of her time worrying about people and trying to figure out how to control them - manipulation seemed for her like the only way to get things done. She  later realized that she needed to take care of herself first and allow others the dignity to live out their own lives.

The only church in town might focus on the greatest commandments:  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind.  And, love your neighbor as yourself.  Attenders would learn how they might find freedom from the co-dependency fostered by a set of legalistic rules designed to control congregate behavior.  Shame and guilt replaced by grace and love.  The presence of the Spirit of Christ would validate the reality of the gospel.  People with right relationships with their Creator and maybe a few people too.

Just for today...

"I discovered how much I wanted other people to change so that I could be happy."  Hope for Today (p. 164)

Beattie, M., (1992). Codependent No More - How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring For Yourself.

Mr. Stewart describes what it is like to live a life in Christ as opposed to reducing the Apostle Paul's revelations into a set of rules for living the Christian life.  This book was like a wonderful breath of fresh air for my spirit.  Stewart, J. S. (1935). A Man in Christ - The Vital Elements of St. Paul's Religion

June 11th - Valued Relationships

The story...

Relationships in college were easy for me to develop.  We lived and ate in the same place, shared similar schedules and academic challenges, were about the same age, were invited to similar social events, drank beer together, and most of our lives had yet to be written.  I thought I was free to play and be whoever I wanted to be.

Marston Hall - The library was my favorite study place.

Many college students had enough of community living after about two years.  They wanted to be free of the forced relationship hassles and rules related to community living - they moved off campus. Personally, I didn't understand why people would want to clean a house, shovel sidewalks, buy and cook food, and work out the domestic life with a few other people.   I liked to visit houses like that but I also enjoyed returning to the dorm community.

During my Junior year, I attended the going-away parties for friends who were graduating or just leaving Ames, IA.  The party for guys seemed to be more optimistic than for the girls - parties for girls seemed to be more like a wake or a funeral.  Maybe the girls were more in tune with their feelings or had closer relationships than the guys did.  Anyway, I always planned an event that I could escape to rather than lingering at the "wakes."

Then it happened to me.  I had my own apartment in Knoxville, TN.  I had friends yet I felt isolation and loneliness.  Then a new friend invited me to a parachurch and I became connected.  I've been part of a church community ever since.  The purpose of the college community was to grow me, grow my understanding and transform me into a productive member of society who somebody wanted to hire.  The church community had aims of making me a better person rightly related to God and others too.

The only church in town would primarily preach and teach the gospel about how a man can be reconciled with God and have an ongoing relationship with Him.  They'd work out Truth into the reality of their life walk and community too.   The community life and person-to-person relationships would be good yet of secondary importance.

Just for today...

"I was unable to discuss my personal life with my mother.  Fearing her rejection, I rejected her instead . . . I realized that the opportunity to be close to her had always existed, but I hadn't been willing, until then, to take part in it."  Courage to Change (p. 163)

June 10th - My mentor is gone...

 The story...

Dr. Charles Stanley died on April 19th, 2023 at 90 years of age.  I loved my own father yet Charles Stanley served me as a sort of spiritual father for more than 40 years.  I was crushed when a best friend shared the news with me - I grieved for about three hours yet the sense of loss lingered.  I no longer have a mentor.  Surely I had other mentors but they're gone too.  I've strong friendships but they're not mentors.  Maybe my mentors needed to go away for me to more fully trust in God - to work out the life of faith that I've been gifted with - to be a mentor.

I'm so... thankful that his ministry continues on YouTube.  Strangely, his radio channel, and selected messages, are now even more meaningful to me.  Maybe it's because I imagine him being with, and in, Christ at the right hand of God.  That's my aim too.

The only church in town will minister to people in each season of life.  Loving, learning, worshipping, praying, restoring, suffering, remembering, experiencing, praising, serving, mentoring, and saying goodbyes too.  Hopefully, no person will be left behind.

Just for today...

"I didn't get many of the things that I needed to thrive emotionally and spiritually.  Things like consistency, structure, encouragement, and acceptance of my feelings were missing . . . Caring for myself first is part of caring for others."  Hope for Today (p. 162)

"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours."  Richard Bach

June 9th - What does it mean to be good?

The story...

"Rommel, you are such a good boy."  I must have heard words like that directed toward me but I don't recall them.  I believe I did hear them yet I'm not sure what those words would've meant.  They likely would've meant that I was respectful, obedient, trustworthy, helpful ...  Wait a second! That sounds like the Boy Scout law:

 "A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent."

How does that compare with what God says is good?

"He has told you, mortal one, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:8 (NASB)

The difference between the two definitions seems to be that the first one is a law that boys are asked to strive toward and the second requires walking humbly with God with love.  How do I work out my life humbly - walking rightly with God and loving my neighbors?  God is holy and I'm not.  I was born selfish with a heart that's like an idol factory.  Those idols were barriers between me and my relationship with God.

Message to me on a felt board as a 7 yr. old - I believed it.

Currently, I'm walking closer with God than in past seasons of my life. My relationship seems to be bearing His fruit through the Spirit of Christ who indwells me as a Christ one.  Yes, I've put my faith in the Son of God and His great redemptive work.  My old nature tempts me to idolize my fantasy, where I spend my precious time, my relationships, my financial power, or even my emotions.  I'm positioned complete in Christ and without Him I'm wandering near other people through life towards...

People within the only church in town would witness people walking humbly with God with love in their hearts.  They'd witness some Christ ones resting in peace through life's trials and sufferings and approaching their body's death with rest and peace too.  Will they see the gap between their own reality and what God said they can be?  What might the good life look like if they walked along fully trusting God and His Word?

Just for today...

"'The last thing I need is to be more humble.' Hadn't I been humble all my life, putting everyone's needs ahead of my own? . . . I had confused humility with humiliation . . . humility, I discovered, is the ability to see my true relationship to God and to my fellow human beings."  Courage to Change (p. 161)

"What wonderful things could happen in my life if I could get rid of my natural impulse to justify my actions! . . . Being honest isn't easy . . . I know that self-deception multiplies my problems."  One Day at a Time (p. 161)

"'I was afraid to say what was on my mind or in my heart for fear of being ridiculed, shunned, or criticized . . .  Now I have a reputation for being direct, honest, and open . . . I can let others know how I think and feel . . . I have a right to share what is in my mind and heart."  Hope for Today (p. 161) 

June 8th - Invest my life playing win/lose games? Really?

The story...

My grandmother shared the game of solitaire with me - she loved to play it.  She, or maybe another person, told me that you could play a mental game of paying $52 for the deck of cards and earn $5 for every card that makes it to the top.  Its a win/lose game.  I've played this game countless times imagining what might be and finding out what I was dealt. "If I get all 52 cards on top then I'm going to..."   

I believe that this behavior is one of my learned defects - I stopped playing the game two days ago.  Forty days passed between the first draft and the posting of this story - stopping the solitaire habit was fruitful in unexpected ways.  I'm not sure what replaced the solitaire time, or trigger to play it, yet life's more peaceful and I'm trusting God more.

The only church in town will offer our Creator's version of what a good life looks like.  He doesn't tell us everything but does tell us enough to live a good life walking humbly with Him.  For me, regularly investing my time playing, and hoping on, a win/lose game with a deck of cards isn't a good fit.   

I lose...

Just for today...

"What defects could possibly give me pleasure?  Revenge, for one.  I spend lots of time creating mental scenarios in which I punish those who have hurt me.  I also get enjoyment from thinking that I am never wrong; in other words, I cling to pride . . . they prevent me from treating myself and others with love and respect."   Courage to Change (p. 160)

June 7th - Let it be heard - lament - be rid of the pain

The story...

I've had the joy of meeting weekly with a group of men while we studied the bible.  Next Monday night will be my last with them.  Strangely, we'll be considering the lamentations of the prophet Jeremiah who lived 40 years warning Jerusalem of God's pending judgment - the destruction of the people, temple, palace, city, law, festivals, and land.  A remnant of 4,600 people would be exiled to Babylon for 70 years to cleanse the people and the land from the effects of sin.  Jerimiah lamented deeply - he's known as the weeping prophet.

All life comes with suffering - ignoring, pretending and hiding seem to be reasonable responses yet they run rife with bad consequences - bottled up emotions is no way to live a good life.  God knows our heart and hears our prayers that cry out with the pain inflicted from our personal and collective sin. 

The only church in town would be acutely aware that they're living in a cursed world.  People need to be restored when sin inflicts it's damage.  Real freedom and love are offered by God through faith in His great work in Christ.  Yet, the pain and sufferings of life take their toll.  God hears our lamenting and loves those who walk faithfully beside Him within the only church in town.

The Passion Of The Christ - Tear Drop From God

Why not go to a quiet place and let it out today?

Just for today...

"Courtesy . . . is an expression of love, warm concern for the other person's comfort, peace of mind and well being . . . The practice of courtesy in the home gives us many opportunities each day to convey our love in little ways."  One Day at a Time (p. 159)

"When I turn off one feeling, I shut off all the others . . .  Sobbing, wailing, lamenting - all different ways of discharging my pain so that I can heal - allow me to experience the strength of my aliveness."  Hope for Today (p. 159)

June 6th - I Make Mistakes - That's Good to Know

The story...

Recently, I rearranged and exchanged objects within both my garage and a room in the basement.  Within a week, I hit my forehead on a shelf in each place.  Both blows to my head hurt at impact, the painful feelings lingered for hours, they bled, and a scab was left over each.  Hopefully, this won't happen again - I cut and sanded the corner on one shelf and taped a piece of foam over the corner of the other. 

The sharp corner is now more friendly

It's hard to ignore my limitations when confronted with the "biophysical" feedback.  I could blame my mishaps on other people; but, in both instances, I rearranged both places and I rushed to grab both objects within my new setup.  I could ignore or hide the scabs and pretend the incidents didn't happen - keep it a secret.  Or, I could accept that I'm capable of making mistakes yet have good qualities too.

I chose to make a more honest assessment of my strengths, weaknesses, and current situation.  I expect that living in reality is part of loving myself unconditionally.  Accepting my reality and my limitations feels good and right.  Strangely my more humble acceptance seems to open my eyes and heart to more fully love my neighbors too.  Is humility an honest appreciation of my whole self - each part?

I expect that the only church in town would want to treat each others as neighbors.  Loving each other just the way they are.  Why?  Because they'd hear, read, and witness the love of God worked out through other limited creatures like themselves - with God gracefully doing the heavy-lifting - wow!

Just for today...

"When something upsetting happens, old memories of previous hurts often come back to haunt me.  This makes it difficult to stay in the present and I start living simultaneously in the past and future.  The outcomes of the past get projected onto present and future situations."   Hope for Today (p. 158)

"I am a human being with strengths and weaknesses, capable of achievements and mistakes.  Because I accept this, I can look closely at myself.  Today I will find something to appreciate and something to improve."  Courage to Change (p. 158)

June 5th - Walking in the Present with God

The story...

I'm walking in the woods.  Am I walking humbly with God?  Am I aware of and receptive to His presence or is my mind moving to and fro between the past and the future?  These walks are my favorite place to consciously walk with God, in the present, as I ascend each hill, turn around each bend, see the sun rays through the leaves, fall into a state of peacefulness, or reflect on the beauty of that vista before I return to my more normal way of life. 

I'm glad I took this picture.

Some say I should buy a camera to better record those "present" moments so that I can later recall them with fondness.  Might these past reflections take me away from the future present?  I've heard it said that too much focus on the past results in depression and that too much attention to the future results in undue anxiety.  We meet with God and people in the present.

People attending the only church in town will likely desire the experience of walking more closely together with God.  Who knows what His will will be for our life today?  It seems reasonable to expect that today will be much like yesterday but change happens - only God knows for sure.  We must say "goodbye" to the past to greet the future with "hello."

Just for today...

"When I open my heart to a Power that fills me with love and acceptance, I can begin to extend those qualities to others."  Courage to Change (p. 157)

"Each new day I turn myself over to God's care because what He does is well done."  Hope for Today (p. 157)

June 4th - But I was beginning to win under the old rules...

The story...

"The times are changing.  It's becoming real bad like God said it will be before He comes back to discipline and restore. Can't you see what's happening?  Are you just going to stand around and do nothing?"  I've heard different variations of this story throughout my life.  People afraid of a future where other people will connive to change the rules of the the game of life in their favor.  The status quo wants to keep the "rule set" that governed their life - just when it looked like they might win in the game of life, bad people want to change the rules.

The Game of Life

I know God is the creator and I'm the creature.  I know in part and God knows all. 

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord."  Isaiah 55:8-9 (NASB).

“The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us..." Deuteronomy 29:29 (NASB).

Is it reasonable that living within the will of our Creator and Sustainer is best?  Is His will knowable?  If so, what should I do today?  What will I do today?  What's the difference between the two?

Today I plan to:

• act faithfully to fulfill my commitments
• read part of God's revealed Word
• praise God and be receptive in prayer
• love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and strength
• love me in Christ and my neighbor as myself
• step forward and trust God with the results
• be thankful

The only church in town will have people who fear more than trust in God and His Word.  The Spirit of Christ bearing fruit through His people will compel old-sinful selves to give up their struggle and trust God's revealed truth.  Yet, their selfish old nature will compel them to reject this wonderful new reality and the different set of principles and rules that go with it.  The old master of their life is tough but they've adapted to him - this new life seems real good yet doesn't seem doable or sustainable - yes, it would take the power of God to live a life like that.

Just for today...

"If I were to pray: "My will be done," wouldn't it be exactly what I am saying when I ask God to do what I want?"  One Day at a Time (p. 156)

"I used to think I always had to do something and that waiting was a waste of time.  Now I know God speaks to me while I'm waiting."  Hope for Today (p. 156)

June 3rd - Self-help books - Does your self need help?

The story...

Family members were reading an Og Mandino book; "You have to read it.  It teaches you how to live your life right.  It's an amazing story."  As a young man, I read the book - it was an amazing story.  The story was written with claims that suggested it was true; yet, I later realized that the story might not be true.  There was no internet then to check Wikipedia's version of the truth.  Yes, it was a fictional story.  Now, the lessons learned were meaningless - rules of thumb, principles, or ideas that might increase your odds of things going your way.  I chucked the book.

"If I could just dance like that then everything would be..."

The only church in town would preach and teach the way to have an ongoing and eternal relationship with God.  People would be different without "trying" to be better.  People would be as they're gifted rather than futilely attempting to comply with all those "ought haves" and "should ofs."

Just for today...

"Defending ourselves by engaging in arguments with . . . irrational people is as fruitless as donning armor to protect ourselves from a nuclear explosion . . . I am not obligated to justify myself to anyone."  Courage to Change (p. 155)

"God, please lead me to those who can give me what I need and grant me the compassion to love those who can't."  Hope for Today (p. 155)

"A program of self-recognition and self-change 'reads easy and does hard.'"  One Day at a Time (p. 155)

June 2nd - Feelings of Unfairness "Morphed" into Thankfulness?

The story...

I'm sitting hear trying to think of an example of when I was treated unfairly.  I can think of a continuous stream of them yet I can't work up that one good example.  Maybe it's because thankfulness has pushed out the space where I stored resentments?  I hope so.

I'm so thankful today.  Pain and suffering are sure to come yet my hopes for the future are positive.  I look forward to continual growth and am thankful for life.  Yes, I'm thankful for that last full breath of air as it entered my lungs as cool air and left as a warm exhale.

The bread of life...

The people within the only church in town would be thankful and generally okay.  The grace of God witnessed in action through people with skin on them.  They'd be more capable of loving God, themselves, and other people too.  Unfairness would meet up with grace - grace would win.

Just for today...

"No amount of self-discipline can heal us from resentment.  Sometimes it seems the more we struggle against it, the more it sneaks up on us, surging like a dark sickness into the mind, plunging our emotions into turmoil."  One Day at a Time (p. 154)

June 1st - Expectations for Others - Pre-Meditated Resentments?

The story...

I was a volunteer soccer coach waiting for the last parent to pick up their "kid."  It was getting dark and this'd happened before.  "Don't they realize how much it costs me to be the soccer coach?  Don't they care about their kid?"  They finally drive up about 30 yards away and stay in their car while their son says goodbye and runs off.   I'm frustrated and resent their behavior - they didn't meet my expectations.  I'm the one with the problem, what do "I" do about it?

Do I have the right to impose my standards on other people?  Employers have the right to impose their standards on employees.  Parents have the right and responsibility to set standards for adolescents.  Boy Scouts agree to a set of standards when they join.  Even so, my question remains:  "Do I have the right to impose my standards on other people?"

My resentment caused by others not meeting my standards seems to cause much pain - relationships suffer.  Why do I maintain opinions regarding other people or how they behave?

Within the only church in town, the standards will be based on the revealed Word of God.  They'll allow for a broad range of more authentic behaviors from the congregates - honest beauty within community.  The grace that God has shown His people may also guide the relationships.

Just for today...

"An expectation is a pre-meditated resentment . . . I have the right to choose my own standards of conduct, but I do not have the right or the power to impose those standards on others."  Courage to Change (p. 153)

May 31st - Dents and Stains Redeemed

The story...

I bought a new black Datsun 310 in 1981.  My best friend and his wife were my first riders.  He stepped in some kind of grease before sitting in the car - the 6" grease spot stayed on the carpet until the day I sold it.  

Then, you could drive fast in Tennessee without the worry of a speeding ticket.  When the car was a couple months old, I hit a guardrail while joy riding - the dented-rear fender stayed on the car until the day I sold it.

I moved the car to Ohio and Michigan before finally selling it - bought a new red Honda.  Years later, I found that Datsun in a junk yard, the greased-stained carpet and dented fender were still there - evidence. 

The dent's on the other side...

I try and sometimes make mistakes.  I want to be accepted and loved by other people.  Yet, they sometimes reject me or demean me by making light of me or my accomplishments - wounded pride.  In close relationships, I show my flaws and risk being hurt.  I can either hide my dents and stains or I can fully place my value in my relationship with my Creator - the only place where I must be truly okay.  He loves me just the way I am because He redeemed me - I'm His in Christ.  Scripture, my life walk, and His Spirit at work in me, confirm that I'm right with Him - even with my dents and stains.

I've skills and abilities yet I'm incomplete - I need our Creator and the group to walk through life rightly.  You can find a flawed, yet redeemed, group like that within the only church in town - show up.

Just for today...

"The world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles . . . only by a spiritual journey . . . by which we arrive at the ground at our feet, and learn to be at home."  Wendell Berry

"My self-esteem diminished whenever I made a mistake, didn't know something I was expected to know, did something wrong, or when something I unintentionally did or said ended up hurting someone . . . I believed my mistakes were proof of my failure at the one thing I was supposed to accomplish - perfection." Hope for Today (p. 152)