July 16th - EGO maintenance or replacement?

The story...

A Human Resources representative delivered a 360 degree performance evaluation to me and summarized the feedback that she received with one phrase: "It's all about you."  I appreciated the honest feedback yet it stung.  Sure I talk about me and what I'm interested in most.  Who else's ideas could I share?  Okay, I didn't know the names of my work-group's family members - why is that a problem?  I'm a story teller, who else's stories can I tell?  The feedback was valuable and I never forgot it.  It took effort and courage to develop and deliver that feedback to me - I'm extremely grateful that she succinctly delivered the feedback in a manner that I actually accepted.  My self awareness grew much that day.

So, my ego is that part of my conscience mind which I consider myself.  It's who I'm referring to when I use the word "I."  Is it a worthy endeavor to better understand and value my ego?  When does self-awareness and development turn that nasty corner toward narcissism?   Am, I lovable as I am?  Can I love me without being consumed by self-love and falling into loneliness and despair?  What's a healthy level of self-esteem?

My favorite verse of the bible is a wish that the Apostle Paul sends to a congregation of people in Rome whom he'd never met.  I wish the same thing for me and for you too.  

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13 NASB

The "egos" who walk into the only church in town would find what they're looking for in a right relationship with God and His community.  There they hear about a more healthy ego that enables a person to live a more satisfying, joyful, peaceful, and fruitful life.  Hopefully they'll witness, meet, and walk with people who're trusting in God.

Why is it so hard for a man to bend his knee and trust in God and His provision for the "good" life?  Why is faith in God and His Word soo... elusive for most people?  The self seems to rebel against this threat to it's supreme authority and preeminence.  It's almost like our old self is trying to save itself from being transformed from that caterpillar to the butterfly.

Just for today...

"Maturity is the capacity to withstand ego-destroying experiences, and not lose one's perspective in the ego-building experiences."  Robert K. Greenleaf

“Despair is the absolute extreme of self-love. It is reached when a person deliberately turns his back on all help from anyone else in order to taste the rotten luxury of knowing himself to be lost.”  Thomas Merton

"Creature adrift; Creator let go - Proudly alone; Lost in mirror."
"Ray of light; Darkness felt - Trusted Christ; Home again."   Am I a Poet?

July 14th - Reacting like Quick Draw McGraw?

The story...

I'm standing between the elevators on the sixth floor of Knapp Hall, Murray House, in an angry confrontation with another college student.  There're about a dozen fellow students watching this play out - it looked like it was about to come to blows.  Strangely, and in a mocking way, I say "I still love you ..."  I was shocked to see his resistance instantly melt away with him apologizing for his side of the offense.  I stood there dumbfounded by what just occurred.

Oh... the things that offended me as a child, adolescent, adult and yesterday.  Sometimes I: reacted quickly, paused before reacting, let it stew, tried to ignore it, discredited the sender, imagined it never happened, continued to resent, or even privately forgave.  Was it possible to show empathy towards the sender?  Might I've ignored the initial sense of unfairness and sought to understand first?  Might this "fire hose" of emotions been a signal of an interpersonal problem that needed to be addressed?

"Now hold on there!" 1951 - 1962

Surely, there're relationships that can be detrimental to one or both parties and need to be diminished. Yet, even these "breakups" will likely best work out under the umbrella of respect.

The only church in town will be bathed in grace and forgiveness.  Each person makes a reasonable series of choices that leads them to the point of confrontation.  "What's love got to do with it?"  He forgives all sins in Christ and restores relationships with repentant sinners who walk humbly with Him.  There's no better place to be found than in Christ - "I'm with Him!"

Just for today...

"Making amends has helped me to put the past behind me and move on with a clear conscience.  My self-esteem has grown ever since, and I feel much better about myself."  Courage to Change (p. 196)

"Its not easy to restrain ourselves from reacting to what others do that seems to affect us.  A healthy detachment brings about the very changes we were powerless to make by continually fighting the problem."  One Day at a Time (p. 196)

"Missing that; See it there - Want it now; Life ain't fair."
"Reality's true; To and fro - Eyes are veiled; He is so..."   Am I a Poet?

June 23rd - Being Honest with Me

The story...

Much of my life was spent trying to change me in ways that'd: satisfy my ego; protect me from harm; experience love; feed my economic engine; provide me with comfortable stuff; get along with others; or to scratch that "itch."  Maybe I could've worked out that plan without the power of God if circumstances and random variables would've gone my way?  

I remember hearing that my sin separated me from a relationship with the Creator of all things - I was 7 or 8 years old and I was listening to a loving-old woman tell me this "truth," using a flannelgraph, at a neighbors house.  She asked if anybody wanted to come up front and receive God's gift of forgiveness and restoration.  I must have recognized the "iniquity" in my life - my heart and mind wanting good yet behaving differently.  I was the sole hearer to come up to the front to make a profession of faith.  It may've been a divine appointment.  What actually happened there is both mysterious and wonderful - the trajectory of my life changed.

The flannelgraph told "The" story in a more colorful way

I experienced the fleeting pleasures of sin yet attempted to serve even as an "Acolyte" lighting candles in church.  At 15, I made a promise to God that I'd serve him if he saved me from a predicament.  At 21, I felt brokenness and earnestly read the four Gospels during the summer of 1980.  I was surprised to hear who Jesus the Christ was.  I ask my Mom: "Why didn't anyone tell me this before?"  My mom replied something like: "Oh you heard all those stories in church and Sunday school..."  God took the reins of my life thereafter and seemed to have orchestrated my life as though I was living out a role in some sort of play - I did my part and things seemed to work their way out.

My personal book of life records: hope, faith, drifting, achievement, disappointment, joy, success, failure, love, hurt, friendships, and an increasingly closer walk/relationship with my Creator.  I've experienced much through the grace of God - I'm so thankful for all of my life experiences.  He drew me closer and closer to Him and my capacity to love God, myself, and others has grown too.  I stand thankful for my faith in God - right with Him in Christ - the Bible told me so. 

Just for today...

"The courage to be honest with ourselves is one quality we can cultivate to help our spiritual growth."  Courage to Change (p. 175)

Stewart, J. S. (1935). A man in Christ: The vital elements of St. Paul’s religion. 

"We're all different; Want the same - Wanna please; Know our name."
"Give up trying; Right with Him - Quietly fruitful;  Freed from sin."    Am I a Poet?

June 18th - Expectations - A Blame Game

The story...

Thankfully my spouse and I chose to stay members of the same church for 40 years.  Along that journey, most attenders decided to move to another church that better met their needs.  In my limited experience, they were most often disappointed with pastor(s).

Their complaints often go along the following lines of reasoning:  Shouldn't the preacher have worked out their faith regarding the doctrine they espoused.  Shouldn't I see gaps between the quality of their life and the life of the pastor.  The pastor should've worked out a more honest an ongoing spiritual life based on a calling to serve and a superior knowledge of God's revelations.  Do they have a deep and honest relationship with God?  Weren't they ordained and vetted by the people who know God and His Word?  Is their relationship with God reflected in their loving relationships with others too.  Shouldn't the pastor's life be characterized by the peace of God worked out within most of life's circumstances?  "Shouldn't I be able to witness God's promises fulfilled in a life worked out through faith in His revealed Word?"  If he can't actually work out this honest good life then why am I listening to him?  "Is he a 'jar of clay?'"

Some people stay and choose to accept their pastor as they are and dote on them - treat them as a sort of pet who needs a lot of attention and kindness to be okay and happy.  Give them a lot of positive feedback, getaway vacations, and gifts.  They likely brag about the qualities of their pastor while they treat him as a sort of "better" extension of themselves.  Emphasize and highlight "everything" that happens in their lives and give them plenty of attention too.  

Yes, it's easier to blame or dote on the pastor rather than to be honest with our own reality.  Scripture says that we're born with this "sin" problem that separates us from our Holy Creator.  Our efforts to learn and apply the secrets of the "good" life are in vain due to our inherent sin nature.  We must obey the greatest commandment to love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind and soul and our neighbor as ourselves; yet, it's not within our nature to truly do so.  God says that His Son, Jesus the Christ, died to atone for this sin debt that separates each of us from a right relationship with our Holy God - our Father.  Even more strangely, scripture says that only God knows whose heart, inner person, is right with God and whose isn't.  And stranger yet, He indwells those who are truly His via the Holy Spirit or the Spirit of Christ.  He is our evidence of our salvation and the "seal' that confirms that we're right with God.  That's good news that people would treasure within the only church in town.

Holy Spirit - In stone

Just for today...

"Will I blame others for what I do on the ground that I am compelled to react to their wrongdoing?" One Day at a Time (p. 170)

"I was in the habit of blaming two particular people for all my problems.  I would take turns detesting and obsessing about each of them instead of focusing on myself."  Hope for Today (p. 170)

"I'm not okay; You seem better - We struggle; Can't get along."
"Got good intentions; You did wrong - You seem happy; Whilst I'm sad."    Am I a Poet?

June 14th - It works for me - why not for you too?

The story...

Oh the countless hours spent coaching others regarding how they might best improve their lives based on my own learnings and experiences.  Sharing my ways of living seemed like a noble endeavor.  This "story teller" style of interaction attracted listeners.  The dream of telling stories as a professor seemed like a good person-job fit so I worked that long winding path towards a PhD.  The last ten years of my career were spent living out my dream job.

I imagined being a professor who lived on a quiet-tree-lined street, in a one-story house, with a big front porch.  Students would stop by to discuss their research work, to talk about life, or to imagine what might be.  We'd work consulting engagements together where we'd make a real difference.  As you might expect, it didn't work out the way I imagined.  Students and fellow professors tired me by the end of the day and I looked forward to retiring to my condo outside of campus.

Towards the end of the semester, during my first year teaching in Duluth, MN, a student made a comment to me within a large lecture hall.  "I don't see why we're tested on opinions that you have about anything - shouldn't we be tested on what's proved to be true about the subject?"  He was right; thereafter, I clearly distinguished my opinion from the body of knowledge that we studied together.

So, I do know a lot of stuff; yet, know that a man should be taught as though they've not been taught. Who can know the will of God for another person?  Within the past three years, I've more frequently kept my opinions to myself and found that I now have few opinions as to what another person might best do or be.  It seems, I don't naturally gravitate to forming opinions about other people anymore.  I do look for, and greatly appreciate, closer relationships with other people and, most importantly, a closer walk with God through the Spirit of Christ.

Interpersonal skills worthy of emulating...

Within the only church in town, people would be allowed to actually grow in their love for God, for themselves, and for other people too.  Each person loving in their own unique way and at their own pace.   The measure of their faith wouldn't be primarily based on their knowledge of scripture or church resume - they'd be a unique work of God, rightly related to Him, and humbly walking together.

Just for today...

"It's only natural to want to share what works for me with those I love.  But, when I must share it now, I may be more interested in changing others than in sharing my experience, strength, and hope."  Courage to Change (p. 166)

"We ought not to insist on everyone following in our footsteps, nor to take upon ourselves to give instructions in spirituality when, perhaps, we do not even know what it is."  Teresa of Avila

"Barney works; Betty cares - Fred bowls; Wilma shares"
"Easy to see; As they are - With big ears; We'll learn far."   Am I a Poet?

May 22nd - Wonderful Grace

The story...

I remember Bill Job, a man who discipled me, explaining the concept of grace.  "Didn't anybody tell you?"  It happened at Big Ed's Pizza in Oak Ridge, TN.  We'd driven down to TN from OH during a search for truth.  We needed an answer to the legalism that was being pressed down upon us.  He handed us a small book about the grace of God.  The book seemed almost mystical - it answered the lingering inner-man questions that held me in turmoil.  Years later, I looked for that "mystical" answer book yet was unable to find it - the secret wasn't really from that small book.  The small book pointed to God's revealed truth about the grace of God found in a relationship abiding with the Son of God - freedom to live the good life.

Three Monkeys

The people within the only church in town would be described as graceful.  The grace of God would be taught and worked out through those abiding in Christ.  People would learn and experience the love of the Lord their God with all their heart, strength, and mind.  And, they'd learn to love their neighbor as themselves too.

Just for today...

"Only when I risk taking a close look at myself can my fears give way to the truth: As a child of God, I am all I need to be - loving, lovable, and splendid."  Courage to Change (p. 143)

"I know that God loves me just the way I am - a work in progress . . . If I start feeling emptiness and shame, I know I've crossed back to that place of isolation."  Hope for Today (p. 143)

"Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so; Little ones to Him belong; We are weak but He is strong."   Anna Bartlett Warner, 1860

May 19th - Fear and Hope - Opposites

The story...

I'm sitting in a pew listening to the call to fear and worry.  "Expect to be persecuted . . . this is no longer the nation where we grew up."  "Batten down the hatches - a storm's brewing!"  This seems to be the opposite of hope in God, the Creator, and His revealed plans for His creatures.

I'm not prone to fear; yet, I've been afraid.  I don't know what it's like to face the world with expectations of doom and gloom.  Sure, I've enjoyed reasonably good health and insurance too.  More of my investments have been profitable than unprofitable.  I've never gone hungry, or been homeless, unless I placed myself in a situation where that was part of the plan.  I'm thankful that, but for the grace of God, I'm not the worrying, less hopeful, sort.

I'm truly thankful with great hope for the future.  I appreciate the eternal life perspective that I was taught and worked into my reality by faith - faith in the Holy One who redeems His creatures so that they're found in Him through Christ.  I think that my inner-man, heart, is secure yet storms and trials will come...  This post seems like a long string of "I" statements.  I'd rather be in a place where "I" focused more on others and the communities that we actually live in.

Manhood - by Thomas Cole

The only church in town would be a group that's sustained by hope within the promises and upheld Hand of God.  Yes, Alan Jackson would be welcome to sing of the power in the blood of the Christ in the only church in town.

Just for today...

"The future - even as close as tomorrow - is a closed book.  We cannot know what it holds, and the more we look for disaster, the more we invite it . . . This is something only God knows..." One Day at a Time (p. 140)

"Wasn't I comparing my insides to other people's outsides . . . If I compare, I lose.  Maybe I'll come out feeling better than somebody this time, but next time I'm bound to feel worse."  Courage to Change (p. 140)

"They've got that; I'm this way - We don't fit; This they say."
"We're all moving; A path we're sold - Ready or not; Truth be told!"    Am I a Poet?

April 29th - Be Patient with Me

The story...

The Patriarch Jacob seems to be a rascal whom God loved and favored.  Scripture says that God changed his name to Israel as he walked close to God.  He favored His people Israel on account of His love for Jacob.  Throughout scripture, God is patient with people groups and individuals as they work out their lives. 

We each were created uniquely - needy and gifted.  I'm glad that God's people, who are models for our faith, are not do-gooders who never made mistakes - phew...  For me, real personal growth has been a slow process marked by step-function improvements; slow degrading drifts, and lasting growth that remains within my character.  A life that hopefully you and others can relate to.

Each person entering the only church in town will be different.  And, they'll be within a phase of their life that'll likely change as life transforms them - either fruitfully or unfruitfully.  The only church in town would offer grace and patience along the way.  Hopefully, the attenders will be transformed into people who trust God, act justly, love kindness and walk humbly with God in Christ.  

Just for today...

"I grew up with guilt and blame . . . when past mistakes come to mind I tend to react with guilt, exaggerating the significance of my errors and thinking very badly of myself."  Courage to Change (p. 120)

"Unless we have first judged and condemned them for what they did, there would be no reason for us to forgive them."  One Day at a Time (p. 120)

"Mind knows; Heart attests - Chose bad; Knew good."
"Iniquity felt; Bent wrong - God forgiven; Right in Christ."
"Being new; God lit - Righteous steps; Fruit born."    Am I a Poet?

April 12th - Enduring Change Takes Time - Be Patient

The story...

My life trajectory's improved significantly during my 60's.  The changes came slowly and were worked out alongside other pilgrims on a similar journey.  Those who walked with me seemed more honest with themselves, more okay as they were, and less guarded too.

It surprised me that meaningful change took months, rather than weeks, to become more habitual and part of my character.  For example, I learned that I often thought obsessively over problems, issues, and even new ideas.  Obsessive thinking restrained me from engaging in, and enjoying, the present - the "now" where life's actually lived.  Once I witnessed a better way, I assumed that I'd change my behavior within 40 days at most - I've often heard it takes 40 days to establish a habit.  It actually took me about six months to truly be different.  A trigger can still start a cycle of obsessive thinking; yet, I often, resolve it within the first 10 min. and return to living in the present.

I hope that the only church in town would accept people just as they are with grace and mercy.  The community would allow others to safely grow at their own pace.  Yes, real growth seems to take longer than expected and requires patience.  Over time, the Spirit of God will begin to bear fruit through their lives.  Some of their old defensive armor, built to defend themselves, will be exchanged for the far better armor of God.

Just for today...

"You cannot create a statue by smashing the marble with a hammer, and you cannot by force of arms release the spirit or soul of man."  Confucius (551–479 BCE)

"Despair - how many of us suffer from it!  Yet we do not realize that it is purely the absence of faith." One Day at a Time (p. 103)

"Trapped inside; Habits of old - Practice better; Tower high."    Am I a Poet?

January 31st - Daily Feet Washings

The story...

I've a hard time rubbing, let alone washing, my feet - I was born inflexible.  If I work at stretching for about six months, my "stretchability," is closer to normal.  Six months is six times longer than the one month it seems to take for my muscles to return back to their more normal state of inflexibility. 

Like many people, I was also born with a selfish sort of nature.  I cooperated with others while I focused on working out a safe and comfortable life that I was proud of.  Although I was primarily motivated by a need to be loved, I wanted to win in the game of life and associate with people who might help me along the way.  Since humans seem to all want the same "thing," I learned to be more flexible with my interpersonal interactions and relationships.

Strangely, even the Lord Jesus the Christ's disciples exhibited selfishness and pride as they argued about who was best at the last supper before Jesus was crucified (Luke 22:24).  Yes, we're prone to be selfish.  On the same night of the disciples argument, He knelt down and washed each of the twelve's feet.  When it was Peter's turn, he resisted this feet washing by his Lord.  Jesus replied "If I do not wash you, you have no part in Me" (John 13:8).  Maybe He's letting Peter know that he's clean yet needs to wash off the "dirt" of daily life to stay "clean" and rightly related to God through Him.  Jesus washed Peter's feet knowing, and sharing with Peter too, that Peter would publicly disown Him three times before the rooster crowed.  Yes, Peter would need his feet washed again.

Christ Washing the Disciples' Feet - Tintoretto 1548-1549

The only church in town will learn the need to live a righteous life in Christ.  One that's able to bear fruit in all circumstances - they way God worked out the perfect life in Jesus the Christ.  That means, for those with a nature like mine: confessing sin, washing dirt off my feet, and returning to that "right" relationship with our Holy Father through Christ.

Just for today...

"With a new and sincere humility, I asked God to remove my shortcomings . . . I want to be ready for shortcomings to be removed, and I will do what I can to prepare. I can develop a non-judgmental awareness of myself, accept what I discover, and be fully willing to change. But I lack the power to heal myself.  Only God can do that."  Courage to Change (p. 31)

"I washed my feet yet they're dirty again - slipped to my normal way;  It's lonely and anxious on my own - why have I left my Friend?"  Am I a poet?

January 22nd - My favorite old pants...

The story...

Meet my favorite pants.  They're old, frayed, stained, fit right, sturdy, unlabeled, and drab.  I can do most anything wearing these pants; though, they aren't welcome where people expect me to "dress for the occasion."  I've purchased replacements; but, they didn't seem the same.  I like that old and familiar heavyweight-duck-canvas cotton and the stains and frays too.

Will there come a day when I must get rid of the pants?  We all know the answer although I sometimes pretend otherwise.

I wonder where my old pants will go today?  Will I put them in the Aquatic Center locker to wait while I swim?  Will they participate in replacing the faucet and trying again to fix the Impala's power seats? Will I put a nicer shirt on and wear them to my men's group tonight?  Will I hang them up next to my dress pants - NO!  They don't have to look nice - I like 'em just the way they are.

You may feel a need to dress up, to be a better version of yourself, when you attend the only church in town.  Yet, God is graceful and desires a relationship with you just as you are - humble, honest, okay and unpretentious.  Remember, He is the one Who created you as you are.  He makes no mistakes and has offered the way to atone for your sin defects through our Lord Jesus the Christ's sacrifice.

No, I likely will not actually wear these pants to a Sunday Morning Service.  And, I do enjoy cleaning up and wearing pants with fewer defects when worshipping, praising, learning, and fellowshipping together.  Yet, it sure is great to know that I'm loved by Him - just as I am.

Just for today...

"What we pray for may not be what is best for us. We are only able to see a little way, and our vision is clouded by our present situation and daily happenings and distractions."  One Day at a Time (p. 22)

"I focused on the character defects of those around me. My need to be perfect fed into my preoccupation with others . . . I am still learning to treat myself with gentleness, kindness, and love. I'm still learning that I cannot change those around me, but I can change how I treat them - with dignity and respect."  Hope for Today (p. 22)

"When I found him on the floor, I still didn't help him into bed. But I did put a blanket over him before stepping over his body and going to bed myself. This, to me, was detachment with love."  Courage to Change (p. 22)

December 9th - "I'm good when I'm loved and loving."

The story...

I've often discussed and pontificated on what the good life is and how it might be obtained in reality.  Why not "try" to work out our good-life code each day?  The list of reasons, why not to try, is long and not so distinguished: contrary feelings, secret hopes, distant relationships, jealousy, security needs, physical pain, haunting memories, thoughts of grandeur, whimsical fantasies, failings of others, the next new thing, boredom, discouragement...  I've come to terms with the idea that I'm not naturally good - I need intervention in order to be the "good" man whom I've enjoyed being with on occasions. 

So, when do I find myself good?  I'm good when I'm loved and loving.  Yet, how might I be good if I and others aren't lovable by nature?  It's a gift of God - He's got the power that indwells those who walk rightly and humbly with Him in Christ - praise God that we can abide in this reality.

The only church in town will proclaim that we're lovable by God, ourselves, and others when we're positioned with, and related to, the Son of Man, our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ, our Messiah.  He alone can save us from the tyrannical rule of self; yes, our sinful nature separates us from our most Holy God.  He actually paid the death penalty for sin on our behalf - I'm declared righteous in Christ!

Just for today...

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing."  Albert Schweitzer

December 4th - Value feelings without their control

The story...

In my college cafeteria, I picked up my banana split and threw it across the table at a "friend" who wouldn't stop throwing peas in it.  I witnessed my best friend yell at a fast-food window because "they" were "making us" late.  I threw the phone across the room and it smashed into the fireplace.  I insisted that the group fish the way that I thought was best even though the group didn't want to.  I picked up my toys and I went home.  A person who I cared about was acting irrationally and I didn't pause to think why.  I wonder if my life would've been less difficult and more fulfilling if I'd better understood and considered our emotions - to be more emotional intelligent. 

Colman A (2008) described Emotional intelligence (EI) as "the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. People with high emotional intelligence can recognize their own emotions and those of others, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, and adjust emotions to adapt to environments."  Emotions sound like a power that a "Super Hero" might have.  To ignore them, pretend they don't exist, treat them as unwanted noise, or react to them without thinking, seems foolish and even irrational.

I expect that Boy Scouts had to be emotionally intelligent in order to follow their oath.  "A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent."  Yeah, I was a Boy Scout and wanted to be like that then as I still do today.

The only church in town will be a group of people with the same "North Star" guiding them - faith in God and His provision for us His creatures - now and forever.  They'll have different resources, capabilities, backgrounds, personalities, emotional intelligence...   And, their sins that cause hurt and pain will be like "grit" that erodes and scars relationships - our emotions will confirm the presence of both sin and love.  Maybe sin's presence will lead the group to receive God's grace, love and mercy with great joy.

Just for today...

"I am a wealth of contradictions. I can value all of my feelings without allowing them to dictate my actions. Today I can feel anger toward someone and still love them. I can feel afraid of new experiences, yet move forward toward them. I can survive being hurt without giving up on love. And I can experience sadness and still be confident that I will be happy again."  Courage to Change (p. 339)

November 30th - Expecting less offers freedom to grow

The story...

I expected way too much from every class I took.  I imagined the best from the syllabi and believed the instructor's opening arguments and impassioned pleas.  For each class, I imagined me studying diligently, staying curious, applying truths, and being a better, more capable, version of me.  I wanted the instructor, me, and classmates to live up to my expectations yet they seldom did - I expected so... much from us all.  Yes, I was the "Idealist."

Maybe expecting little from the people, within the only church in town, is the best way to appreciate the actualities.  Maybe many of our problems within community are rooted in our expectations for them and us.  God doesn't expect much from the old nature we were born with.  He did the heavy lifting to restore our relationship with Him.  He provided the Way to erase the sin barrier between He and we.  Why not enjoy things as they are, imagine together, and allow the freedom for each of us to grow as we've been gifted?  Might the best "only church in town" be characterized as graceful?

Just for today...

"It's unrealistic to expect perfection from an imperfect being in an imperfect world. The only perfection I can hope to attain is to be perfectly imperfect."  Hope for Today (p. 335)

"Everyone who plays a part in our lives offers something we might learn. Other people can be our mirrors, reflecting our better or worse qualities. They can help us to work through conflicts from the past that were never resolved."  Courage for Change (p. 335)

November 29th - Trying to control the uncontrollable? Why?

The story...

The weather's going to vary.  We can attempt to control it by moving to a new spot on the globe yet it'll vary there too.  It's true that we can influence the weather but can we really control it?  

We're better able to plan for weather variation in our homes.  We can look at the short-term forecast and  plan accordingly.  Many change their home's environment using: a thermostat with heat and cooling source(s);  a hygrometer to start up the humidifier or dehumidifier; and reported pollen counts to begin filtering the air or closing the windows.  Yet, some people don't like it the same way and the weather within the house varies too - the settings are agreed to by compromise or directed by those with authority - it's never quite right.

So, some of us build houses that are sustainable under all reasonable weather expectations and don't require excessive effort to control them.  The people change the way they dress and behave differently.  They may choose to work in the morning, go to the air-conditioned mall or beach, when it's hot; or even travel during periods of weather that's not to their liking.  They accommodate the weather rather than judging it an attempting to control it.   They might not even have an opinion about the weather and actually appreciate the variation - that sounds good to me.  Yet, I'm going to heat, cool and filter to adjust for the extremes that significantly affect our lives - just like I'm going to plan on dressing for the weather.

I choose to be thankful for each day's weather and refuse to judge it as being either good or bad.  I want to live my life accommodating the variation and appreciating it rather than working never-ending cycles of measuring, judging, controlling, and deeming it as either good or bad.  And, I want to treat the people that I interact with, in community, in a similar way.  Engage in their lives and enjoy each other without trying to fix, manage, and control them according to what I expect is best for them.  They won't all be my friends yet I intend to offer grace, mercy, love, and respect to all.

The only church in town will be thankful for the grace, forgiveness, and love that God pours out on us through our Lord Jesus the Christ.  Church people will work out a similar, albeit clunky, graceful heart within their relationships too - mirroring how God loves them.

Just for today...

"Being an adult was looking good on the outside and not feeling what was going on the inside . . . The first thing to go was the control over others - it simply doesn't work  . . .  Today I can risk being myself. I don't have to live up to anyone's image."  Courage to Change (p. 334)

"Today I can put the past where it belongs and focus on taking care of myself. I needn't wait for someone to do it for me."  Hope for Today (p. 334)

"This self-imposed struggle to control the uncontrollable is certainly not rational."  One Day at a Time (p. 334)

November 7th - "Think, what you're trying to do with me."

The story...

Why did I react so quickly to people and the unexpected?  Once, there was an XL bear that was moving into our campsite deep within the Boundary Waters of Minnesota.  I was quickly on alert with an adrenaline rush.  What do I do?  He, or she, didn't seem to care much for what I had to say or my situational perspective - they wanted our food.  There was his will (food), my will (self-preservation), and God's will.   

We resorted to our training - we, banged our aluminum pans to the point that they were deformed, missed with the only rock nearby, and finally made it to the canoe and out on the water.  Whose will was that?

The only church in town would be patient with people - slow to react.  The love of Christ, and His grace towards His body of believers, will characterize the personality of the group.  Yes, the group would have a personality - the personality of their Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ.   Yes, they'll have inherent sin natures that may look similar to the personality of the world they live in - they'll need love, grace and frequent reminders of who they actually are in Christ - abiding in Him.

Just for today...

Before reacting: "I stop and visualize two doors. One is marked 'Same old, same old,' or 'My will.'  The other is marked 'New and different' or 'God's will.'  This gives me time to 'Think' and to choose a healthier response . . . other people's behavior belongs to them and I don't have to make it mine by reacting to it."  Hope for Today (p. 312)

"Ironically, when I give up worrying about everyone else and focus on my own health, I give others the freedom to consider their own recovery."  Courage to Change (p. 312)

November 5th - Am I persuading to get the reaction I want?

The story...

I've spent way too much time attempting to convince others to accept my ideas and understanding of what's right, just, or best.  My noble motive may've been to help others yet I may've been attempting to build up or promote me.  I might've justified my proclaiming and arguing as refining my thoughts, ideas, and life purpose.  Developing them wasn't enough though; I had the need to air them out in public and persuade others to accept them too.  I wish I'd spent more time listening to and seeking to understand others - I expect that I'd have grown and matured more quickly.

The following scene from Seinfeld describes Elaine and Jerry interjecting their opinions about ponies at the family gathering.  His attempts to reconcile his behavior falls flat.  He's not getting the reactions that he hopes for - comedians need that positive reaction.  Yes, there're some underlying issues with the Seinfeld cast - it's probably funny, in part, because we can relate to their amplified exhibition of unrestrained self.

   Seinfeld: The pony...

Another reason that I like the Seinfeld series is that the characters seem to like each other just the way they are - even when they behave badly.  The only church in town will be composed of a wide variety of people in different stages of life.  Many to most will be primarily focused on themselves and their own needs until they discover the better way.  There'll be need for mentoring, patience, grace, and the working out of each person's faith in the reality of community - we're worth it.  

Just for today...

"The more my group showed love and respect for me, the more I was able to love myself. Then I could begin to help love others into self-love."  Hope for Today (p. 310)

"If I speak out in order to manipulate or change another person, then their reaction becomes the focus of my attention and the measure by which I evaluate the results."  Courage to Change (p. 310)

September 13th - What do I truly fear?

The story...

The surgeon showed me my spinal x-ray.  "Your spondylolisthesis between your L4 and L5 vertebrae is pinching that bundle of nerves which is causing pain in both your back and your lower extremities.  The surgery will align the two with metal rods and the impingements will be removed - of course their are risks."  My life wasn't doable, I opted for the surgery, there were complications that I suffered through, yet the eventual outcome was positive - my fears were alleviated.

spondylolisthesis - From Wikipedia

I don't characterize myself as a fearful person, yet there are things I fear.  The sum of my fears seem to fit within the following seven categories:

1. Changes within the "game of life" requiring adaptation
2. Living outside the will of God
3. Loneliness
4. Loss of loving relationships
5. Loss of security for me and those I love
6. Prison - loss of freedom
7. Rejection

The only church in town will shine the light of God's revealed Word on our reality.  The causes of our fear may remain yet solutions are attenable and available within the "Light."

Just for today...

"God grant me the wisdom to recognize the faults I am building into a wall, such a wall as cannot be penetrated even by love."  One Day at a Time (p. 257)

"Why does a dog bark? I feel terror when I'm on the receiving end of ferocious barking. I suspect that a dog barks because of his own fear. If the dog really wanted to attack, he'd dispense with the barking and lunge for me."  Hope for Today (p. 257)

August 23rd - Wait . . . there is something wrong with them . . . they might need help?

The story...

Along with other retired people, I sometimes drive around town on weekdays between 10am and 11am.  Some days, I forget and become frustrated with slow and unexpected driving maneuvers.  The feelings drive me to say, in my mind, something like: "Is there something wrong with you?"  Strangely, that's the first part of a better more heartfelt question:  "Is there something wrong with you, and how might I help and love on ya neighbor?"

We know that everybody has strengths and weaknesses.  Even the most saintly servant of God has a sin nature that motivates them to make sub-optimal, self-satisfying, decisions and maneuvers.  Some aren't capable or ready to do better and they need our help.

The only church in town will honestly preach the reality of our life in Christ - right and safe with God in Christ.  Lasting peace and purpose will be found there amidst life's circumstances.  They need you there and you might just be loved there too.

A good friend suffered here alone; yet, he wasn't alone.

Just for today...

"I developed a tremendous fear of making mistakes. It seemed crucial to cover every possible outcome, because mistakes often led to an avalanche of accusations and abuse from . . . and eventually from myself . . . When I stop struggling to be perfect and admit when I am wrong, I can let go of my guilt and shame."  Courage to Change (p. 236)

"What if that?; They'll surely say... - I'll be hurt; Please stay away."
"Won't make errors; Don't be bad! - Pretending helps; Often sad."
"Okay in Christ; Hearts a'lift - God's got this; Even if!"    Am I a Poet?

August 9th - "If it's all the same with you..."

The story...

It's never the same with me or with you - we're always different.  As the old saying (idiom) goes, the only things we can be certain of are death and taxes.  It's true that we we'll all live out our lives and our bodies will die.  Some seem to die too early while others suffer late into their 90's - we all meet a common fate. Then...

Why do many think that it's a reasonable thing to try to fix, manage, and control others in an effort to experience their imagined "best" life?  Does everybody need to behave the way we'd like them to in order for us to be happy?  Can we all be okay with each other without attempting to mold others into our own vision of what's "best?"  Can we be okay with ourselves when others want us to be different - "if it's all the same with you."

The Dream, Capitalism and Virtue Working Together?

The only church in town will offer dignity and respect to everybody who walks through their doors.  They'd proclaim our being God's creatures who're created differently.  He's sovereignly worked out His way throughout the ages - enjoying a relationship with those whose hearts were/are right with Him.  He enjoys, and is a Father to, each person who walks with Him through faith in Christ.  He provided the means for us all to be right with God - loved just as we are. Grace, grace, wonderful grace...

Just for today...

"Can I express myself today, free of expectations of how others will react?"  Hope for Today (p. 222)

"I was too busy trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be, afraid people wouldn't accept me  the way I am."  Courage to Change (p. 222)

"There are many good reasons to keep myself from harboring resentful thoughts. They can grow into savage attacks on other human beings . . . emotional scars."  One Day at a Time (p. 222)

"We're different; Easy to know - You're an ear; I'm a toe."
"Together a body; Wonderfully made - A toe alone; Will surely fade."    Am I a Poet?