September 18th - The value of "we" in community

The story...

My four siblings and I lived closely together.  Each family member seemed to provide something that other family members lacked.  Some took on a role that partly filled a group need: Planner, Encourager, Tester, Teacher, Story Teller, Helper, Organizer, Server, Project Leader, Decision Maker, Giver, Doer etc.  Maybe that means we were a bit dysfunctional when one of the family members was gone for a period of time?  I expect that we each flexed our style in order to recover some of the lost value of our missing sibling.  It's frustrating to see siblings compare each other to evaluate who is the "best" or to try to fulfill a "best" image that the family has conjured up.  It seems better to appreciate the value of the "we" and enjoy each other just as they are.  It's a good thing to be okay with who you are - this state of well being seems like a sound foundation for continual growth within the "good life."

It would be a shame if there was a family code that encouraged all members to live, think and act in similar ways according to a "best" standard.  "If I could just fix _____ then I'd be okay" - ugh.

People new to the only church in town would learn about the Body of Christ and how people are given unique characteristics, talents, and gifts in order to better form God's called out group of people according to His will (1 Corinthians 12).  Each person would be valued and offered the opportunity to engage in the church community.  The church would be a place where people would go to serve their role in something bigger and better than any one person could possibly do or be.

Just for today...

"Too often my memory has given me sadness, bringing back past hurt and shame. But now I can use my memory to see the progress I have made and to know the joy of gratitude."  Courage to Change (p. 262)

September 16th - Worry = Imagined fears worked into reality?

The story...

I'm tagging along with my mother as she shopped at the Fareway Grocery store.  She wasn't one to quickly fulfill our wants so we walked past the bins of penny candy without discussion.  One day, I willed to stuff a piece of candy into my pocket.  I saw the mirrors on the walls and knew that there was a risk that I'd be caught - I just did it.  I must have been sweating when I waited in the checkout line - I know that I fretted over the decision for days or longer.  I don't know how I resolved the moral dilemma - maybe I never did.  

How does a 4-year old boy resist?

I can remember this theft over sixty years later so it must have been an important "incident" on my mental record of who I am.  Am I good or bad?  Did I return it and toss it back into the bin?  Did I offer to pay the one cent?  Did I confess the sin and ask for forgiveness?  Did I try to do more good stuff to outweigh my failure?  Did I just push my misdeed out of my consciousness and stuff it within the recesses of my mind?

I believe that this incident occurred before I accepted an invitation to trust God's great work in Christ for the forgiveness of my sin.  Being right with God empowered me to walk more humbly and rightly with Him.  What might I've done had I stole the candy after I accepted God's provision for my sin?  Would I have confessed this known sin in my prayers, thanked Him for forgiving me for my sin through Christ, and restored the most important relationship that sin separates?  I do know that God knows our hearts better than we do and that no man is good - scripture says so.  His will works out with or without me.  I'm so thankful that God loves me in Christ - I'm walking through life with Him.  Man that's good news.

The only church in town will be the place where you can hear the real good news.  It's a place to worship God together.  It's a place to learn about Him, His revealed Word, us, the future, and true love too.  It's a place to develop the relationships that seem to be a big part of the recipe for your "good" life.  No need to fear and worry that fear into a bad reality.  

Why not trust God and actually live out a good-to-great life within His will?  If that's your will, then why not engage in that only church in town?

Just for today...

"They plead the worst case scenario in a very convincing way, until it almost seems frivolous to consider a positive outcome.  Yet the loudest voice is not necessarily the truest." Courage to Change (p. 260)

"Let me not force my own certainties on others. I could be wrong. A generous tolerance can smooth out many rough places in my day-to-day living." One Day at a Time (p. 260)

September 14th - Painful life lessons - pearls or thorns?

The story...

"You're going to have foot surgery on both of your feet?  That's great, you'll be in a wheelchair and bring light on all the handicap access limitations within our facilities.  Why not do the wheelchair option and indirectly help others along the way."   I accepted the surgery one foot at a time - traded the concept of a wheelchair with the reality of crutches.  My struggles with my crutches did require me to receive help, and possibly love, from other people; but, I didn't expose the handicap limitations that some hoped I would.

I remember standing in the snow, on my crutches, trying to work the card reader, with my bag dangling from my shoulder, attempting to open the entry door - I couldn't do it.   I had to wait for another early bird to arrive and open it for me.  I couldn't do this on my own and needed the help.  The experience was real good for me - it was teaching me to be both less self reliant and to receive kindness from others too.  Strangely, these painful life lessons were good and I was "lucky" enough to repeat the process twice.

So, I believe the painful experience was actually of  great value like a pearl; yet, I want to avoid similar pain today.  Okay, that doesn't make sense - I will to remain thankful for life within all circumstances today.  I stand in thankfulness for God's provision for today, tomorrow, and for all eternity - that's a good place to be.

People, who choose to live their life out within the only church in town, would recognize the value of all life experiences worked out within the will of God.  They'll enjoy relationships with others whom they can express and receive loving kindness along the way.  They'll recognize God's provision for those who accept His love and our His - "abba" father!

Just for today...

"The lessons were too painful - I would get excited about something, only to have my hopes shattered. As time passed and hope diminished, I fell deeper into despair. Eventually I shut down my feelings and refused to care or to hope for anything at all . . . It is risky to care - I may be disappointed. But in trying to protect myself from pain, I could cut  myself off from the many delights that life has to offer. I will live more fully today."   Courage to Change (p. 258)

September 12th - "I was just trying to help . . . my intentions were good."

The story...

Bill approved my attending an AMA, American Management Association, new manager seminar in Chicago.  I wanted to be and do my best in my new manager role.  What new tools and methods might I learn?  I left the seminar with a small book that included phrases that could be inserted into performance appraisals if you couldn't think of the right message - I don't remember actually using the book yet it felt good to have it on hand.

I wish that a mentor would've noticed my tendency to get into other people's business.  Sure my intentions were good - I wanted to "help" them to be that "better" more "capable" person that I imagined they could be.  When they had personal trouble, I tended to delve into their lives to "better" understand their situation, offer advise, and even to become involved in their work in order to "help" them along.  It seemed that I was hoping for a sort of co-dependent relationship where they valued my part in their "growth."

Thankfully I had a high performing, capable, person reporting to me who was going through a personal situation that was significantly affecting his work.  My efforts to intervene, with good intentions, were not working.  A wiser, and more experienced, manager called me out on my "coddling," intrusive, and "Christian like" intervention.  "You aren't helping him, you're enabling him to stay as he is and fail.  Hold him accountable for the results, be available if he needs support, and get out of his way."   The new approach worked and I changed my "management" style thereafter.  I adopted a pattern of giving each person the dignity; respect; necessary support; and freedom to fulfill their roles, responsibilities, and assignments - it was good, reasonable, more natural, and better results followed.   Some were not successful and moved on to a job or organization that was a better fit.  

I wish I'd have adapted some of those principles within my personal life too.  I eventually did, yet it took years for me to habitually offer most people the dignity and respect to be the unique person that they were without my "good intentioned" interference, "designed by me" to help them be who I thought they "oughta" be.  I was acting like a little god - ugh.

The only church in town would allow people to more honestly live out their lives starting with where they actually are.  Healthy relationships would be available to help them work out their lives alongside other people according to righteous principles and truth. It seems to take people a lotta time to grow - much longer than you'd ever expected.  The only church in town would be a patient, loving, and respectful environment where God's will is witnessed within reality.

Just for today...

"She is getting unconscious satisfaction from managing other people's lives, while she imagines her intentions are only good . . . Heaven protect me from my good friends who, with only the best intentions, keep the wounds of my resentment open, weaken me by their pity, an justify my complaints."  One Day at a Time (p. 256)

"Acceptance does not mean submission to a degrading situation. It means accepting the fact of a situation, then deciding what we will do about it . . . I will give myself time to accept my situation before I act." Courage to Change (p. 256)

September 11th - Are relationships worth the effort?

The story...

I obsessively thought about a family situation yesterday - it surprised me because I thought that I had victory over what some might call "stinking thinking."  I felt left out, marginalized, under-valued, avoided, with my concerns and interests ignored.  I began to imagine scenarios that were possible and built them into an imagined reality that made sense - I began to prepare and protect myself according to this new imagined reality.  It turns out, my obsessive thinking was unwarranted.  Two phone calls finally clarified the family behaviors according to a "truer" reality - I now better understood their perceptions and behaviors even though they seem odd and a tad unreasonable to me.

Would it help to work on improving my relationships with other family members?  Yes, but it takes time and requires me to offer them the dignity and respect for being just as they are.  Is it possible to develop a relationship with them without the need to fix, manage, control, change or argue opinions with them?  Yes, that's how I plan to move forward.  

The only church in town will have people who perceive the same situation or scenario in different ways.  Better relationships will improve the situations yet they'll not prevent turmoil.  Might we let them be while still working on building or mutual relationships?  Might they grow in response to good supporting relationships?   Is relationship building more fulfilling then vain attempts to build up, promote, and protect ourselves?

Just for today...

"The word sarcasm comes from a Greek word meaning to tear flesh. 'Wouldn't I feel pretty cheap if I could hear myself being played back? Wouldn't it give me some idea of my part in the family troubles?'"  One Day at a Time (p. 255)

"...when the feeling comes up, I recognize it, share about it, accept that I felt it, and then set it aside. I no longer assume that it has validity . . . Today I will take one of my assumptions about myself and hold it up to the light. I may find that it stems from habit rather than reality." Courage to Change (p. 255)

September 9th - Where do I go if I don't need to go anywhere?

The story...

Being a relatively young retiree, I've time, resources and capabilities that are ready to go.  The big question is: where do I go if I don't need to go anywhere?  Here's an attempt to list the decision criteria that I might use in no particular order.  Will doing it:

• benefit me in the future?
• help me feel better?
• give me something to be proud of?
• help relive my unwanted feelings?
• be with people I'm comfortable being around?
• make me more secure physically or financially?
• give me something to talk about?
• glorify and honor God and His Word?
• help me remember "better" times?
• fulfill my obligations, or promises, to other people?
• occupy my mind so that I won't be thinking, or dwelling on, negative thoughts?
• hurt me or diminish my capabilities?
• help me to love and be loved?
• teach me something new?
• fulfill a latent need or want?

Not surprisingly, only one was not primarily about me - it's highlighted in bold.  Personally, I want to walk through my life journey humbly and justly with God - Micah 6:8.  I say "yes" to a life with choices that leads to a productive and peaceful life where "we" might experience true joy, Romans 15:13.

The only church in town will offer power, peace, rest, and hope amidst all circumstances.  A respite where we might set our focus from ourselves to our Lord and Savior - a loving Father (Abba).

Just for today...

"Am I using my capabilities well? Do I recognize and appreciate all I have to be grateful for? Actually I am the possessor of unlimited resources."  One Day at a Time (p. 253)

"Does my face look calm? Don't be fooled. I'm just afraid to let you see the truth. You might think I'm foolish or weak. You might reject me. So I don't talk, and the pain remains." Courage to Change (p. 253)

"... I don't have to respond to the face of anger. I don't have to explain my motives to an irrational person." Hope for Today (p. 253)

September 8th - "Believe that thou mayest understand."

The story...

One day I heard the good news of the gospel and believed.  Some great other worldly event happened that day - scripture says my name was written in The Book of Life.  Another day, I chose to fully trust God's Word and to drop the doubting inklings that held me back. Thereafter, I walked more closely with God in thought, prayer, quiet meditation, and in awe of His mysterious workings within my life.  I began to live a more thankful, curious, loving, honest, and expectant life.  I became a good character in the greatest story of all time - more rightly walking humbly with God.  Loving the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, and soul.  Loving myself more and my neighbor too - through the power of God.

Oxford site where Inklings met on Tuesday mornings

The only church in town would not leave new believers, of the Good News, as babies who can't yet chew the meat of God's revealed Word.  They'd share their knowledge, faith, actualities, and more humbly walk through life together with God by faith.

I continue to be in awe of the wonder of creation, life, this day, and this breath.  Please join me in praising God in thankfulness - fully trusting.

Just for today...

"What obstacles block me from tuning over my will and my life to God? In my case, the answer is obvious: I want guarantees. I hold out, thinking that I'll come up with a new solution to my problems even though I've tried and failed, again and again. The risk of faith seems too great. If I turn a situation over, I won't be in control. I can't be sure I'll get my way." Courage to Change (p. 252)

“For understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore do not seek to understand in order to believe, but believe that thou mayest understand.”  Saint Augustine, Homilies on the Gospel of John, 29.6, vol. 7, (p. 184)

"If I bring sunshine into our home, it cannot fail to affect those in it."  One Day at a Time (p. 252)

September 6th - What's really important?

The story...

What's really important today?  I've done a pretty good job of resisting the need to make lists within this blog; yet, this seems like a good place to list what's really important for today - in rank order:

1. Pray and be quiet with God.
2. Love the Lord my God - Abide with my Father in a sort of continual prayer/connection.
3. Be conscience of the Holy Spirit's work as I walk humbly and patiently within the will of God.
4. Eat, breathe, and take care of my body.
5. Love my wife as I love myself.
6. Be joyful, hopeful, peaceful, and bear His fruit.
7. Love, and receive love from, my church community - the body of Christ.
8. Build up key relationships more than they've naturally declined.
9. Interact with neighbors and take opportunities to let'em know they're respected and loved.
10. Blog and continually learn.  Grow to be a better man who trusts God.
11. Read what God says.
12. Maintain and grow the assets that I'm entrusted with.

It's easy for me to see other people not acting out their age and life reality.  I hope that I continue to work out the phase of life that I'm actually in and don't short cut my life story.  I want to be a good character, within the epic story of life, who was and is faithful to his God and Father.

I hope that I remember, each day, that my story's important only because it's worked out within the will of God.  The Holy Spirit indwells me for His biding and He will be resting in the hands of God after my body breathes it's last breath.  Yet, God's promised a new everlasting body for all eternity - we only know this through His revealed Word found in the bible.  I hope that each of us stays curious regarding the spiritual reality that's just as real as our journey on earth yet eternal. 

The only church in town would grow Christ ones who live for today, plan for tomorrow, and think on eternity.  They'd learn to live in the reality that we're eternal beings who're journeying on this orb, earth, for but a few seasons.

Just for today...

"...most people spend more time planning vacations than they do thinking about what is really important in their lives . . . Am I so busy with smaller, less meaningful concerns that I run out of time for the really important considerations?"  Courage to Change (p. 250)

"Perhaps I have felt a right and an obligation to set the standards for the family and compel those around me to live up to them . . . Teach me to leave to others their inborn right to dignity and independence, as I wish to have them leave to me."  One Day at a Time (p. 250)

September 5th - Enjoying my imaginary Olympic games - did I spend too much time there?

The story...

I loved the idea of the Olympic Games and often imagined competing in my favorite event(s) - decathlon, downhill skiing, biathlon...  I'd be the victorious one who worked hard to overcome all problems and shortcomings to be the best.  "It would be soo... great to win."

It pained me to think that the wait was four years between events.  I do wonder whether the reality of the games was as good as I hoped it would be.  Certainly, I never actually went to the games and the TV coverage was much more limited then.  Was I living in that imaginary world trying to fulfill needs of mine?   I sure enjoyed following: Mark Spitz, Bruce Jenner, Edwin Moses, Eric Heiden, Usain Bolt, Bode Miller, Katie Ledecky...

Pride in my Country and hopes that I too might win in the game of life seemed like positive traits.  Did they compel me to want to be a better man?  Even if I couldn't actually win, I could live more often in an imaginary world where I might.  Was I spending too much of my thought life in an imagined future versus living out the actual day(s) that were mine?

I expect that the only church in town would preach the Good News of how we can live out this life, and the one to follow, walking humbly and close with God.  Imagining the future and reflecting on the past are helpful yet they surely are less important than living out the reality of today.  Today is where we both can live out each breath of this miracle of life and be in the present where God is.

Just for today...

"I'd get so caught up in what I was going to do that I often wasn't aware of what I was doing now . . . I give thanks for the little joys in each day. I still make plans, but I don't let my thoughts erase the present. Anticipation is sweet, but not at the cost of today."  Hope for Today (p. 249)

"The true nature of my problems was my stubborn refusal to acknowledge feelings, to accept them, and to let them go. I have very little power over what feelings arise, but what I choose to do about them is my responsibility. Today I can accept my feelings, share about them with others, recognize they are feelings, not facts, and let them go."  Courage to Change (p. 249)

"Our greatest handicap is self-deception. We cannot recognize in ourselves the faults we criticize in others."  One Day at a Time (p. 249)

September 4th - Do I worry to control the uncontrollable?

The story...

What if we had one day per week where we didn't plan anything?   We could pray, listen, exercise, rest, care for ourselves and others, and enjoy relationships.  How about being flexible with our schedules, resisting engaging in other's business, and living a more joyful, peaceful and hope-filled day?

Some of you might be thinking: "I'd like to be like that yet it's impossible - the other people in my life don't behave like that."  Might a more fruitful life spill over into their lives too and be a sort of engine drawing others towards the good stuff of life?

How might we better respond when we feel a need to be more okay by controlling our environment or interactions among other people?   Developing, sharing, or arguing, opinions is an alternative yet likely won't get us where we want to go.

The only church in town will communicate God's revealed truth - God has a will for creation and for you and me too.  You'll hear there that He will work out His will with me or without me.  Yet, He enjoys me and His creation and has good news for all humanity.  His Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ, has paid our debt for the trespasses that kept us apart from out Creator.  A life walking with Him is much better than the losing battle of  trying to glorify and protect ourselves.   We can be brought close to Him through faith and trust through the great redeeming work of His Son.  Wow, I can only inadequately imagine what eternity will be like with God.

Just for today...

"I was surprised to find myself still grabbing for old fears as if I wanted to remain in crisis. I realized that I didn't know how to feel safe unless I was mentally busy. When I worried, I felt involved - and therefore somewhat in control."  Courage to Change (p. 248)

"Some of us, after long enduring misfortunes we didn't know how to cope with, reached a breaking point. In our hopelessness we even felt rejected by God, so we never thought of turning to Him for help."  One Day at a Time (p. 248)

"Do you take note when others are sick and offer them the same attention you crave? . . . Let it begin with me."  Hope for Today (p. 248)

August 31st - Are you looking for a friend or a pet?

The story...

I use to have a difficult time maintaining friendships.  They took too much effort and I inevitably neglected the friendship - it'd sort of drift away.  I assumed that these drifting and changing relationships were natural and sort of like the ebbs and flow of life.  I may've neglected them when they ceased to provide me what I wanted or the other person wasn't who I wanted them to be.  Maybe they disagreed with my opinions or had dissimilar interests.  We were different.  Was I looking for a friend or a pet?

Why didn't I tend to accept people as unique individuals and enjoy the differences?  Did I really need to have them agree with me in order for them and me to be okay together?  Were my behaviors learned from my family or did I develop them over time as a sort of personal protection?  I don't know why I behaved that way I did but I do know that I am enjoying deeper relationships today - relationships that may be characterized as mutually respectful, honest, growing, and walking together towards...

Good place to develop friendships.

The only church in town will be a "rich" field for growing fruitful relationships.  You'll find people to walk alongside as you work out purposeful lives together - fruit bearing lives - more meaningful and loving relationships.

Just for today...

"I will not expect too much; this will shield me from being annoyed at little things that don't go just the way I wanted them to."  One Day at a Time (p. 244)

"I have often tried to change other people to suit my own desires. I knew what I needed, and if those needs weren't met, the problem was with the other person. I was looking for somebody who would always be there but wouldn't impose on me very much. Looking back, It's almost as if I were looking for a pet rather than a human being."  Courage to Change (p. 244)

"Perhaps you should try believing that I believe."  Hope for Today (p. 244)

August 29th - Expect little and be thankful for what you receive or what?

The story...

I was asked to help mentor a young man within a mentoring group of eight guys and eight adults.  We performed fun games where there was a win-lose component.  The leader asked that each boy rate their performance on three dimensions.  The first was how they did internally - "was I positive and truly engaged on the inside?"  The second was how they did externally - "did I work well with the others during the game?"  And third - "what was the actual score?"  I was surprised how each of the students contemplated as they assessed each dimension of their performance - they all seemed to truly get it.

Many of my disappointments have come from expecting too much.  And, many of my life victories have occurred, in part, by planning for the best.  How do I reconcile this tension between the two?  It's like a tug-of-war with each side pulling - a lot of tension.  Expect little or plan for the best and don't willingly accept failure?  Might we drop the rope and allow both to co-mingle and exist together.  Is life a win-lose battle in three dimensions: Internally, Externally, and the actual score?

Hope College: 119th annual Pull

I hope that the only church in town isn't a competitive environment - a place where each person, and the group that they are aligned with, is trying to win in the game of life.  One team pulling together against the other team(s)?  I hope not - this doesn't seem like the character of God as exhibited in the life of our Lord Jesus the Christ.  I expect that He plans for us to abide in Christ and bear fruit in all circumstances - together as the full-functioning Body of Christ - unity.  We need each other and for the Spirit of God to work out His will within each of us too.  We were created by God to be productive, enjoyed and loved too.

Just for today...

"How many of our frustrations and disappointments come from expecting too much! . . . Let me learn to settle for less that I wish were possible, and be willing to accept it and appreciate it. I will not expect too much of anyone, not even myself."  One Day at a Time (p. 242)

"Life can either be a burden and a chore or a challenge and a joy. One day at a time I can meet the challenges of life head-on instead of head-down."  Courage to Change (p. 242)

"I stopped trying to help her take care of herself, which also stopped the fights we had. I put the focus on myself, realizing that in my disease I didn't know where my mother ended and I began. Finding out who I was, apart from my mother, was my first challenge . . . Today my mother and I have an honest and loving relationship based on mutual respect for each other's boundaries. When we speak, I keep the focus on myself and share my experience, strength, and hope rather than telling her what to do."  Hope for Today (p. 242)

August 27th - DETATCHMENT

The story...

It was a hard and long process for me to form boy-girl relationships and they were even harder and longer to end.  Maybe I was expecting a level of love and attachment that wasn't reasonable or good for either of us.  How did I set expectations for my "true love" relationship?  I don't know the answer.  It's possible that they were good for an ideal world; yet, this world, and the people who work out their lives here, aren't ideal.

Do I need your help and approval in order to be okay?  If I say yes, then my level of "okayness" is tied to your "okayness" with both you and me - ugh.  If I say no, then I have the possibility of being okay with me and freeing you to be okay too.  Might we offer others the freedom and dignity to live out their own lives?

A helpful model came to me from Donald Miller's book "Scary Close," (pp. 206,207).  He illustrates a relationship with three floor pillows: my pillow, our relationship pillow, and your pillow.  The only person who steps on your pillow is you - your soul - same for my pillow.  Both of you can step on the middle pillow because you agreed to be in a relationship.

"Codependency happens when too much of your sense of validation or security comes from somebody else . . . What goes on in the other person's soul is none of your business. All you're responsible for is your soul, nobody else's. Regarding the middle pillow, the question is, 'What do I want in a relationship?' . . . What's going on in other people's minds is none of your business."

"Scary Close." My original notes

 What would the only church look like if they focused on the gospel, the good news, learning and living together and not on changing other people's minds?  Actually, working out their right relationship with God in Christ versus changing their minds related to the theology that "we" believe in?

Just for today...

"I wasn't really admitting my powerlessness or I wouldn't keep trying to control everyone or everything around me . . . Not my will but Your will."  Courage to Change (p. 240)

"...my skill in detaching rested on my ability to accept my own thoughts and feelings and to become comfortable with myself . . . Because my fate - my very life - was no longer tied directly to theirs, I was able to accept them for who they were and to listen to their ideas and concerns without trying to exercise control."  Hope for Today (p. 240)

"We are free to refuse to be hurt by a spiteful remark or malicious action. So the whole matter really rests with us. The choice of accepting or rejecting an offense is ours alone . . . What can words do to me unless I take them to heart?"  One Day at a Time (p. 240)

August 25th - I do need my personal boundaries...

The story...

My friend sits across the restaurant table.  They shared a fact, from a few years ago, that seemed to shine a different light on an unresolved, less than comfortable, situation.  The fact seemed like it might help me to reconcile a relationship barrier and the need for my associated "personal boundaries."  I resisted the urge to probe further and quietly listened to my friend.  No, the fact did not resolve the root causes for my personal boundary yet the knowledge did shine more light on the situation.  I'm glad that I didn't rush to pick up and remove the boundaries with hopes that all is well - it wasn't and that's okay.  We do live in an imperfect, and fallen, world that is staffed by selfish-self-justifying people like I'm capable of being.   Boundaries have been helpful to me but I've moved them, and sometimes removed them, as circumstances and people change.

I've a few close friends, many casual friends, a good sized network, numerous acquaintances, and some who don't have my best interest at heart.  Those who've acted in ways that demonstrate that they don't have my best interest at heart are outside my boundaries.  They have their reasons for resisting me, maligning me, or even working to influence others to agree with them - they likely believe their opinions and rationally justify their stance.  It's not my job or right to try to change their opinions or behaviors; yet, I don't have to endure the strain of the relationship.  Yes, boundaries can be helpful.

Will you need boundaries within the only church in town?  Regretfully yes, even those who are rightly related to God in Christ retain their sin nature and ego that tends to clash with others.  I hope that most of the relationships within the only church in town would exhibit a level of respect commensurate with our common position within the Body of Christ.  We're all a work in progress who need community to live better lives.

Just for today...

"Quietness is a great ally, my friend. As long as I keep my poise, I will do nothing to make matters worse."  One Day at a Time (p. 238)

"... I am learning to play a new instrument - myself. I am a person with the capability to experience a wide range of emotions, from love to joy to wonder . . .  just to be alive is a great thing."  Courage to Change (p. 238)

August 24th - "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore."

The story...

It's my senior year of high school, I'm sitting with two friends in study hall during the last hour of the day,  I realize that she and he wanted to be together without me - a boundary set up with me on the outside.  It hurt knowing that she chose him and not me.  The study-hall monitor says my name for the attendance check - I say "here," then immediately stand up and walk out of school early.  I gave up and treated that monitor with no respect - forcing her into a situation to either report or forgive my behavior - she didn't report me.

When is too much too much?  Is playing it safe in an unsafe world futile?  What level of dignity and personal rights do we deserve?  Are we all worthy of being loved?  Who judges the value of a human life?  Is it worth the effort to live a good life?  Does anybody know what a good life looks like?  If we could agree on what a good life looks like, is anyone capable of actually living one out?

It pushes me to the edge of angry when I witness people hurt other people in an attempt to "bend" reality to satiate their appetites to be like "little gods."  Little gods don't seem to be satisfied with living out their own fantasy, they want others to acknowledge, accept, and celebrate their illusions of self-grandeur.  A never-ending quest to collect medals, evidence, and the approval they crave.  I assume they're not okay with who they actually are.

Network (1976)

Sure, people will get angry within the only church in town when their personal boundaries are violated. When their needs and wants aren't met for too long.  When they see the ways of the world worked out and flaunted.  When particular people are admired, celebrated, and sought out for approval.  Yet when people are finally broken, give up trying to be good, stop seeking the approval of others, or get mad as hell and decide not to take it anymore; then, the clarity of the "good news," the message of "grace," shines like the brightest light illuminating "what's going on."  Oh that they might witness God's great saving and freeing work in Christ.  Praise God that it's by grace that I rightly stand with God in Christ. 

It was for freedom that Christ set us free (Galatians 5:1).

Just for today...

"I am human and I get angry, but I don't have to act out my anger in destructive ways . . . Whether my usual response is to scream, sulk in cold silence, or lash out with cruel words, today I can look at what I do when I get mad."  Courage to Change (p. 237)

August 23rd - Wait . . . there is something wrong with them . . . they might need help?

The story...

Along with other retired people, I sometimes drive around town on weekdays between 10am and 11am.  Some days, I forget and become frustrated with slow and unexpected driving maneuvers.  The feelings drive me to say, in my mind, something like: "Is there something wrong with you?"  Strangely, that's the first part of a better more heartfelt question:  "Is there something wrong with you, and how might I help and love ya neighbor?"

We know that everybody has strengths and weaknesses.  Even the most saintly servant of God has a sin nature that motivates them to make sub-optimal, self-satisfying, decisions and maneuvers.  Some aren't capable or ready to do better and they need our help.

The only church in town will honestly preach the reality of our life in Christ - right and safe with God in Christ.  Lasting peace and purpose will be found there amidst life's circumstances.  They need you there and you might just be loved there too.

A good friend suffered here alone; yet, he wasn't alone.

Just for today...

"I developed a tremendous fear of making mistakes. It seemed crucial to cover every possible outcome, because mistakes often led to an avalanche of accusations and abuse from . . . and eventually from myself . . . When I stop struggling to be perfect and admit when I am wrong, I can let go of my guilt and shame."  Courage to Change (p. 236)

August 20th - The Coach and the Whiner

The story...

He pondered my question and replied with a coaches honest, and most practical, reply.  My question: "How did you know if one of your football players was really hurt?"  He said: "It's easy, the whiners aren't hurt and the non-whiners are."  I've shared that story with 100's of other people.

Have I lived too much of my life as a whiner?  I don't think so yet I have.  I've had countless: scrapes, cuts, sprains, bruises, aches, head aches, loss of capability, financial losses, out-of-normal test results, missed job opportunities, and "no" answers.  Yet, the sun came up and shined light on a new day.  The darkness was illuminated and shown to be much better than I imagined.

I'm the old guy now who has more time and opportunities to listen, understand, and throw a ray of light, albeit somewhat dim, on other life journeys.  Do I have to be "mister right," the "wise owl," or the "great coach?"  No, it seems better to listen to understand, let'em know they're loved, shine some light on their darkness, and honestly/humbly walk side-by-side as a fellow life traveler.

"Footprints in the Sand" - A Most Wonderful Poem

How about taking a risk and attending the only church in town this week?  There you'll find light that can help you make sense of your darkness and fellow travelers who you might walk side-by-side with towards...

Just for today...

"Teach me to think straight, and not to take offense at criticism which is meant as loving guidance."  One Day at a Time (p. 233)

A good coach gives both constructive criticism and encouragement.

"...turning to emotionally unavailable people for support, and engaging in self-doubt and hate . . . I now see that these and other traits, not other people, are the source of my anguish." Hope for Today (p. 233)

"When I begin to accept myself exactly as I am, life will feel a lot more gentle."  Courage to Change (p. 233)

August 18th - Keeping busy or living peacefully?

The story...

My significant other is going away for eight days.  Why do I have this need to plan activities to keep me busy?  Does this need suggest that my life isn't peaceful now?  Or, have I structured my life around a pattern of habits that'll be disrupted without my girl?  Do I need a series of planned activities to validate my sense of self worth?  I do want to be okay rather than behaving in ways that allows me to imagine that I'm okay.

What does an okay, peaceful, day look like for me?  Maybe it's hard to live out the better reality without a purposeful plan or pattern.  Its a little uncomfortable to actually write it out.  Isn't that the goal of a blog?  Okay, the following is my generic plan for living out a peaceful and fruit bearing day - limited to 15:

1. Wake naturally from restful sleep
2. Do a few things that I look forward to
3. Pray, meditate and listen
4. Reflect and clarify within my blog
5. Interim fast while drinking plenty of water
6. Reach out to at least one friend
7. Exercise in nature and community
8. Be kind to those I meet - risk loving and being loved
9. Invest one hour managing household and finance
10. Enjoy my lunch
11. Do or learn something new
12. Keep opinions to myself and challenge their validity
13. Serve somehow, somewhere - engage in community
14. Seek to understand before being understood
15. Read God's revealed Word and fall asleep feeling loved

Having completed and reflected on this list, I've less of a need to fill up my days with planned activities.  I certainly would rather live in the present, be receptive to spirit/Spirit realities, trust God rather than myself, and enjoy walking in the will of God rather than the will of me.

The only church in town will be a place built to facilitate a more honest life lived out in the actualities, or circumstances, of life and Sprit-to-spirit reality.   Maybe there we will feel free to pass the peace sign on to each other. ☮

Just for today...

"Today I make a commitment to be honest with myself. By facing reality, I become someone I can depend upon."  Courage to Change (p. 232)

"It is easy, terribly easy, to shake a man's faith in himself. To take advantage of that to break a man's spirit is devil's work."  (G.B. Shaw: Candida)

August 17th - Our personality, a collection of habits with a few go-tos?

The story...

Being an storyteller helped me garner the interest and acceptance of other people.  I learned how to select the topic, grab their attention, inflect my voice, include humor, add color, keep the pace, and wow them with the finish. The habit may have started at our family dinner table - what worked there seems to have adapted and worked out into my personality.  I took my storyteller persona everywhere I went.

A good story teller isn't smarter, taller or better looking.  They don't play better basketball or trumpets.  And, they certainly aren't natural listeners or empathizers.  Sure, there were times that I "flexed" my style and was surprised at how good it felt to be a more whole person.  Then, I'd get hurt, withdrawal, heal alone, and then get back out there telling my stories. 

The college bar scene seemed to be a most wonderful place for me.  Storytellers are valued and relationship development was easy - most people are happy to see you enter the room.  When relationships got tough, I moved to a different group and place.  Yet, too much led to . . . and dysfunctional relationships.  Some of my friends couldn't balance learning and debauchery too - they dropped out of the race - the game.  

The textbook author advised me - he did the best he could.

In my super-senior year, when the college stuff was no longer new and full of possibilities, I listened to a football player who told me about what he heard within a group called: Fellowship of Christian Athletes.  I was surprised by his declaration of Christian principles worked out in the reality of his life - he was surprised too.  Then Steve and Marlene invited me to attend their campus church - they were the first people to earnestly invite me to a church in over four years.  It was real good - I wondered how my college experience might have been different if...

It would be easier to invite people to the only church in town - it would be the only option.  Please, earnestly invite somebody to church already.  It so... good to be free from the tyrannical rule of self.  Galatians (5:1)

Just for today...

"Many of us develop clever methods of surviving in . . . situation, such as denial or secrecy . . . What once allowed us to function in a nearly impossible situation is now an obstacle for further growth . . . Sometimes we must accept ourselves, defects and all, before those defects are removed."  Courage to Change (p. 230)

"Today I'll stop minding other people's business and create some business of my own to mind." Hope for Today (p. 230)

August 15th - Can you understand your psyche with your mind?

The story...

Last night, I experienced death in a dream - I don't remember this occurring before. The scenario, I'm riding on my cruiser motorcycle and enter into a tunnel entrance ramp onto I80.  I take a lane that ends up to be a dirt path with construction all around.  There is no way back to the lane of vehicles that are speeding along their way.  I stop due to a big ditch in front of me where other motorcycle riders are attempting to climb out to get back onto I80.  I switch lanes to the left, looking for an easier path, and notice a huge tunnel-digging machine emerging from a tunnel, under construction, behind me.  I pause and it runs over me - I feel nothing.  My mind looked for the feelings of death pains and wondered if I was dead.  It took a few seconds to remember that this was a dream and not reality. "Yes, I 'm still dreaming."  I woke up in a sort of curious state - did that vivid, participatory, dream mean something?  Do I have a latent fear that's operating behind the scene within my psyche?

Seignac, Guillaume - Cupid and Psyche

Who can understand a man's mind, soul and spirit?  God says that a man doesn't even understand his own heart.  Should I try to understand my own psyche with my own mind?  Is that even reasonable?

It's a good thing to trust God's word and bear fruit in peace.  Yes, God's word does offer the way towards peace, in the present, within the varying circumstances of life.  Praise God for how He loves His creatures.

The only church in town will preach God's revealed Word.  The people will hear about who He is, what He plans for us His creatures, and how to live a good-to-great life within His will.  God asks that we trust His Word and His provision for us, His Creatures, in Christ.

Just for today...

"Fear is the energy that activates my character defects. Sometimes my shortcomings lie dormant like a bumper car ride with the electricity turned off, and I don't even notice them."  Hope for Today (p. 228)

"How important is it? . . . I find what I might  have viewed as a disaster is really insignificant . . . I can take my disappointment or irritation at face value and refuse to dramatize it."  Courage to Change (p. 228)

"Many of our frustrations come from not making the most of ourselves and getting out of life what it has to give, ready and waiting for us to accept."  One Day at a Time (p. 228)