The story...
I greatly value my close relationships - maybe that's why this post took so many words to explain. Relationships require an investment of my whole person for focused periods of time. Here's the glue that seems to make'em stick for me:
- Who: similar personalities and journeys - ages from 35 yrs younger to 5 yrs. older
- What: equal sharing, & listening, of reality & ideas for what is and might be
- Where: coffee shop, restaurant, church, or via e-mail/text
- When: person-to-person biweekly - convenient time of day - one to two+ hours
- Why: honestly sharing life-walks - giving & receiving - growing together
- How: sharing equally without unrequested opinion - like a good game of tennis
How's a strong relationship like a good game of tennis? You share equally by taking turns serving and returning the ball. You treat each other with respect or you won't continue to play. Must plan to meet periodically at a mutually agreeable time/place. You've similar goals for the tennis experience. You'll accommodate your partner's physical limitations. The joy of returning their shot on the sweet-spot of your racquet, at a similar level of energy, is invigorating - it's like you're fully connected yet remaining fully independent. Conversation with a good friend is a lot like that. Please don't even think about turning the joy of relationship into a win-lose game like tennis might be. I heard Maryland's football coach say his team's "care factor" was excellent and that was why they were performing well - same with relationships.
The sweet-spot of the racquet is where the vibrations of the racquet cancel out and the forces are more fully transferred into the ball return. Those vibrations are irritating, fatiguing and even harmful to our bodies. Yes, a good conversation and a good tennis volley are similar. We all know how fatiguing the unwanted "vibes" between people can be - they aren't okay within a close relationship - they continually wear down, erode, and destroy relationships.
The only church in town will be one group with a kind of personality of their own. There'll be sub-groups that'll have their own personalities too. Within these "purposed" groups you'll find opportunities to develop friendships with a person(s) similar to you. These relationships will be like walking side-by-side through life focused on reality - the most important spiritual reality that truly lasts. When we stray from the path, a friend can help us "wake up" and return to the life-giving path.
We're blinded to spiritual reality when we focus on ourselves and ignore who we actually are as creatures - creatures created by a living and active God. He's interested and powerfully working through our todays, tomorrows, and our eternal future too - He says so. Experiencing a relationship with Him in Christ is like no other - "I'm with Him."
Just for today...
"... we don't tell anybody what to do. People only accept and use advice they're ready for . . . When I am asked for advice, I know only what I would do if I were faced with the same problem, and not what would be right for another." One Day at a Time (p. 331)
"I learned to trust no one, to stay silent at all costs, to stuff my feelings, never to stand up for myself, to take on more responsibility than I could handle, to love conditionally, and to tell white lies to cover up my home life. No wonder as an adult I perceived that close interpersonal relationships were like constantly moving targets. Usually I was the one who was moving because I lacked the skills to develop and maintain healthy adult relationships." Hope for Today (p. 331)
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