September 3rd - Why not enjoy other people as they are?

The story...

I sat down at the table with only one person sitting there.  It seemed rude to squeeze in with my friends when this guy was by himself.  He seemed uncomfortable, with me sitting with him, yet appreciating the company.  Another guy sat with us too.  Neither of them seemed to want to listen to my take on the questions and topics posed to the group - they've heard me freely express my thoughts, ideas and will before.  So, I focused on better understanding each of them without stepping out to share my own perspectives which I've refined over the years.  The conversation was smooth and balanced - everybody seemed to win.  Better lifestyle practices were worked out - less preaching, pontificating or recommending.  It felt good for my behavior and intentions to be more aligned; yes, I seemed to be more true to me and to the group too.  I wanna live like that more often without trying - actually caring for others.  The bar seems low, easy to do, yet I expect even my most focused effort to change my behavior will take much longer than I imagine unless I "actually" love my neighbor as myself.

Teddy Roosevelt - A really good listener

The only church in town will be a place to develop meaningful relationships to walk through life with.  Most importantly, our relationship with "That in Which There is No Greater."

Just for today...

"I realized that there was little I could change about the situation. All I could change was my response to it."  Hope for Today (p. 247)

"What am I doing that creates difficulties for me or aggravates the ones I have? Could it be that I'm trying to fix everything by finding fault with somebody else?"  One Day at a Time (p. 247)

"Strive to be patient; bear with the faults and frailties of others, for you, too, have many faults which others have to bear. If you cannot mould yourself as you would wish, how can you expect other people to be entirely to your liking? For we require other people to be perfect, but do not correct our own faults." Tomas Kempis - The Imitation of Christ (Ch. 16)

June 25th - Why do I resist prayer?

The story...

I was trained to be an industrial engineer (IE).  One of my IE tasks was to plan for the capacity to produce products.  People learn new processes and systems at predictable rates.  Their speed of learning may be modeled by a constant percentage every time they double the total number of parts they've produced to date.  The multiplier will be at about 80% for simple assembly work and up to 95% for more complex work.  For an 80% manual-job learning curve, this rule-of-thumb would project that a 10 min. time for the 50th part would be reduced to 8 min. for the 100th part.  The idea is right even if my facts are a tad off.

So, what's the learning curve look like for my prayer life?  My capacity to pray and time I spent praying doesn't fit the learning curve model.   First, I don't remember being taught to pray.  My family recited a version of the prayer Jesus taught His disciples before meals - I remember it as follows:

"Father, who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever, AMEN."  Luke 11:1-13  

I've listened to other people pray aloud - their prayers were addressed to themselves, the prayer group, God, Jesus, and sometimes to no one in particular.  My prayer history had ebbs and flows, desert and rainy seasons, anxiety and peace, new truth and despair, full acceptance and lost, long and short, revelation and no sense of change, quiet and loud, on my knees or speeding, one-way and two-way, natural and foreign, loving and left outside, trusting and questioning...

I wish I'd prayed more.  I'm going to pray right down and tell you what happened when I am done.  Here it goes...

I prayed for 8 min. 5 sec. My heart was right, I praised and thanked God.  I made my requests known for others. I was quiet for about a third of the time and felt emotions and physical feeling within my body too.  It felt good and right - a place where I want to be.  Yet, as I'm typing I've returned to my life journey.  My prayer respite is but a memory.   I wonder how that prayer might've affected lives and God's intervention.  We may never know the answer to questions like these.  Yet, God revealed that prayer's critical towards our relationship and receipt of His loving kindness. 

Yes, the only church in town would be a place of prayer.  People would work out increasingly reliant relationships with our God and seek Him and His will in prayer.  If we were prayerful sorts, might we enjoy each other more?  He's faithful.

Just for today...

"Am I too busy too pray? Have I no time for meditation? Then let me ask myself whether I have been able to solve my problems without help."  One Day at a Time (p. 177)

June 19th - "I Get it! - Why is it so hard for you?"

The story...

I remember my older sister teaching me how a letter in a math equation represented a quantity that could vary or have only one possible correct answer.  Initially, I rejected the idea that a math equation could contain letters - "come on, you can get it, it's easy."  I eventually did get it.  In fact, I got it before the rest of the kids in my class were even introduced to the idea.  Yes, I was something - the pride of life. 

My brain was now "wired" to better understand what a variable was and that there were relationships between most things.  I took math all the way through differential equations and applied linear statistical models - it wasn't easy but I made it through many new ways of thinking that helped me to model and solve problems within complex systems.  I better learned some of the equations that govern how our reality works.  I learned to design experiments, work problems through groups with "six-sigma," and eventually took on responsibility for a chunk of the body of knowledge as a professor.  "Cite your sources."  "What is the basis of your claim?"   "Record your assumptions." "I don't care about your opinions - give me the facts."  "Popular Mechanics is not a peer-reviewed journal - you can't cite anything from that periodical."  Eventually, they got it too.

I've moved on from my professor role. I haven't taught a class, mentored a fledgling researcher, or served as a journal article peer-reviewer for over four years.  Some question how I could work so hard along a life path and then go in a new direction.  My new path, or life purpose, is to become a better man and community member who walks closer and more humbly with God in Christ.  It seems my eyes are focused more on others and my heart leans closer towards eternity - it's a good place to be.

The only church in town will represent the community who are encouraged to live out the phase of life that they're actually in.  People in the later phases will show respect and dignity to people who are walking through a phase that they previously struggled through, grew from, and hopefully enjoyed.

Just for today...

"Blaming my discomfort on outside events can be a way to avoid facing the real cause - my own attitudes.  I can see what is happening in my life and take responsibility for my response."  Courage to Change (p. 171)

"As I understand the difficult task of facing myself and my faults.  I will guard against self-justification and self-righteousness."  One Day at at Time (p. 171)

June 16th - Dignity and Respect Worked Out

The story...

When I assigned my kids a job, like raking the lawn, I assumed that they'd want to learn and follow my best method.  How do you know what a well-groomed yard looks like unless you're told?  I had this compelling  urge to "jump into" the process if it wasn't going the way I thought was best..

Personally, I like to be shown a best way to perform a job and then be left alone to try it for awhile - time to work out my own method.  I do want to know what a "good job" looks like yet it's easy to get information overload - too much information too soon.  I do have a strange sense of satisfaction when I learn a new task/job and cast my eyes on my completed work.  I know that most people don't view or experience work the same way I do yet I expect that most people enjoy that deep-down satisfaction of a job well done.  Self-respect and dignity seem intertwined as we exercise our abilities.

The only church in town will have a variety of opportunities for people to engage in work both as individuals and as groups - a good person-job fit.  I'd hope that they'd experience the love of the Spirit of Christ as they're treated with respect and love along the way.  Might we all agree that relationships are much more important than the trimming of the lawn?

Just for today...

"... if I take over other people's responsibilities, I may rob them of the chance to accomplish something and to feel good about what they've done.  Although I am trying to help, my actions may be communicating a lack of respect for my loved one's abilities.  When I detach with love, I offer support by freeing those I care about to experience both their satisfactions and disappointments."  Courage to Change (p. 168)

May 6th - "You don't know what you don't know."

The story...

I wish I would've received more honest feedback throughout my life.  I expect that people often didn't feel safe delivering their perceptions or ideas to me.  What would I say and how would I react?  I wrote most of my own performance appraisals; yet, I sincerely appreciated those that were written by my supervisor with constructive feedback and a clearer view towards what "better" might look like.  I truly did act on much of the feedback and became a better employee and person along the way.  

Strangely, one of my favorite sayings is "you don't know what you don't know."  Those ideas, or truths, fit into one of the  four quadrants in the following diagram - this diagram continues to be very helpful for me.  As a teacher, I've this need to explain what this grid is and how it might best be applied.  Yet, it's self explanatory.  You'll likely desire to increase the size of your quadrant "A" and more honestly assess the amount of potential knowledge to be found in each of your quadrants.

As I've grown as a person, I believe quadrants "A" and B" have become bigger and that quadrants "C" and "D." have become smaller.  As humans, I expect that we vastly minimize the size of quadrant "D."

The only church in town would hopefully grow their congregant's knowledge found in quadrants "A," "B" and "C."  Working out the unknowns in quadrants "B", "C" and "D," that're revealed only in God's Word, are a primary reason for the church.

Just for today...

"I put so much energy into hiding the truth that, although no one rejected me, I was as isolated and lonely as if they had."  Courage to Change (p. 127)

"I wasted large portions of my day lost in daydreams, rewriting the past with happy endings and doling out justice to those who had caused me harm."  Hope for Today (p. 127)

April 10th - Let 'em be and grow

The story...

My daughter was about one-year old.  She's standing beneath our kitchen table and just hit her head as she stood up.  She cried and seemed to be communicating "save me."  We didn't know much about parenting skills but we did learn that we should let'em do it by themselves when they could.  She cried and hit her head again - more tears.  "This hurts, should we save her?"  Together, we waited and resisted the urge to interfere.  She crawled out from under the table and was nurtured by mom.  We all learned stuff that day.

When do our good intentions interfere with the other person's growth?  We don't know what's best for another person or what the will of God is for their lives - why act as though we do?  Likely, we're interfering when they could, safely, do it on their own.  It does seem rational to continually relax the boundaries as teenagers become adults. 

In the only church in town, I'd hope that teenagers would become fully functioning independent adults working out their own personal relationship with God alongside others.  Ideally, they'd advance from independence to a sense of interdependence among community.  

Just for today...

"Other people's expectations are not my responsibility unless I have helped to create them.  I can remind myself that conflict is part of life."  Courage to Change (p. 101)

"It is far easier to be honest with other people than with myself.  All of us are hampered to some degree by our need to justify our actions and words."  One Day at a Time (p. 101)

December 5th - Who understands my heart but God?

The story...

My parents brought me to Sunday school for about ten years and I chose to attend summer bible camp after I accepted Christ as my savior, when I was about eight.  I actively read the gospels after a period of brokenness in 1980.  And, in 1981, I actively engaged in bible study with Bill Job's "ekklesia" in Oak Ridge, TN.  I'm so thankful for all of my teachers, mentors, co-sojourners, and friends along the way.  One of my key learnings was that God knows our hearts and the condition of our hearts makes all the difference.

"But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God does not see as man sees, since man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”   1 Samuel 16:7 (NASB)

"And Jesus, perceiving their thoughts, said, 'Why are you thinking evil in your hearts?'"  Matthew 9:4 (NASB)

"For who among people knows the thoughts of a person except the spirit of the person that is in him? So also the thoughts of God no one knows, except the Spirit of God."  1 Corinthians 2:11 (NASB)

I am so thankful for my faith and the opportunities that I've been given to share the realities of my faith with others.  I especially appreciated the nine years where I served as both a 3rd-4th and 4th-5th grade Sunday-school teacher.  And, I currently appreciate my close friends in-Christ and leading a group of faithful men within Bible Study Fellowship (BSF).

Bible cover gift from my 3rd-5th grade class

The only church in town will lead people to accept God's gracefully given gift of redemption - the Way for our hearts to be reconciled with God.  They'll read that our hearts are seen by God as white as snow.  They'll share the good news that our righteous God cleanses us from our sin-death penalty through the sacrifice of His Son, my Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ.  He knows me with a cleansed heart - praise God!

Just for today...

"I was sure there had to be somebody in this world who would understand my every mood, always have time for me, and bring a smile to my face . . . my fantasy showed itself to be no more than a shadow. Reality presented a different picture entirely . . . What was I doing with their love? It seemed to me I was brushing it aside for that one imaginary person, or worse, not noticing it all."   Courage to Change (p. 340)

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'thank you,' that would suffice."  Meister Eckhart

"Were the challenges and losses in my life actually gifts God had chosen carefully for me so that I might grow spiritually? I knew it to be so, and I felt simultaneously humbled and overwhelmed with gratitude for the nature of God's love for me."  Hope for Today (p. 340)