September 10th - "Fake it to make it" or "accept another's belief until it's real for you?"

The story...

We invited a new couple from our church to our home for dinner.  After dinner, we were sitting out on the deck discussing essentials of the Christian faith and contrasting that knowledge with the actual reality of a faith worked out - a real and working relationship with God and other people too.  Uncomfortably, we opened up the subject of "faking it to make it."  Clearly they were not attending this "new" church to be with people who were faking their Christian faith; yet, we acknowledged that trying on the Christian faith might be part of a process by which selves do work out a sort of death in preparation for beginning life as a new sort of creature in Christ.  They did move on to another church not long after our dinner discussion - that's okay.

Faking a belief that you hope is true, so that it might become real, seems wrong.  Wanting to believe what another person believes and therefore believing that they believe as a first step also seems wrong.  Yet, both of these paths might lead to that illusive outcome that's promised to be the very best.

Will the only church in town instruct children to act in a manner that's in accordance with the will of God before they're saved - yes.  Will non-believers be accepted just as they are and be allowed to act out the role outwardly before they are changed internally - yes.  Ideally it'd be different but it often ain't.

Just for today...

"Gradually and together we built roots and a pair of wings so I could soar and feel connected at the same time. I borrowed her faith until I acquired my own."  Hope for Today (p. 254)

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster."  Friedrich Nietzsche

June 15th - Seek first to understand and relate to others

The story...

I arrived late to my son's baseball game and merged into the crowd to see my son walking up to the plate.  I yell out some "remember to..." encouragement and he turns in my direction and asks "what did you say?"  The audience looks at me and I sat embarrassed.  I knew then that my behavior was wrong and didn't forget the incident.  It helped me see a problem but didn't reveal the cause. 

Old home plate in our back yard

Much of my life has been spent repeatedly attempting to convey and convince others of my better understanding on any topic of interest to me.  I may've justified this demeaning behavior as a means for "helping" others and refining my thoughts by testing and defending them.  In reality, I inhibited relationships, other people's growth, and my own growth too.  Most importantly, the behavior restrained important relationships.

For me, a better way has been to work out a sincere interest in people as they are and where they are.  It's strange that it would be a surprise to me that people whom I take a sincere interest in seem to become sincerely interested in me too. Close friendships are now part of my definition of the "good" life - I don't want to work my way through life without them.

The only church in town will likely have a preacher who will frequently speak to the full congregation.  I hope that the messages would be centered around who we are in Christ and less about what we should, or oughta, be thinking or doing.

Just for today...

"What are the attitudes and behaviors that may have served me (or at least gave the illusion of serving me) in the past but now limit my capacity to experience joy and fulfillment?  What are the resentments that keep me in bondage to the past?"  Hope for Today (p. 167)

"I will not add to the problem by using cruel, clever words to humiliate a fellow human being. In doing so, I would be shaming myself."  Courage to Change (p. 167)

April 20th - Growing Together

The story...

Early in my career, I learned a simulation programming language that only one other person in my workplace knew.  We were simulating, or programming, the reality of manufacturing processes in a way that we could better understand how the processes behaved.  A validated model could be used to predict how changes to the process, system, or environment would affect/effect real outcomes.  I worked through my dynamic "modeling" problems, during non--work hours, yet had nobody to talk them through with until we met again the next morning.  Sure, I could call the software help line but their help wasn't the same.  We needed each other.  And, we grew together by modeling reality together.  We were the only ones in the organization that could understand the language.  We experienced models that worked and those that didn't - together.

Self disclosure came easy to me yet close friendships did not - they take work.  I know that it feels good for me to talk out my thoughts - the unresolved.  Thoughts seem to come together into a more understandable, clearer, and actionable way when they see the light of day.  It sure helps if the person, that I am sharing with, wants to understand me and values our relationship too.

Your pet could be the one that you work out your thoughts with.  They certainly can be attentive, appreciative, readily available, and safe too.  Might it be better to tell a trusted friend than a pet?  

Tulips - Like Friendships? 😊

The only church in town would be the place where friends could share the reality of their common faith in Christ worked out in the actualities of life.  It seems good that they'd have opportunities to develop trusted friend(s) through whom they might more fully work out their life together - the successes and the suffering too.

Just for today...

"'Let Go and Let God,' and turn my problems over to God?  Wasn't I expected to solve my own and everyone else's problems, have all the answers, and support the behavior patterns, no matter how destructive?  How could I keep my family together?"  Hope for Today (p. 111)

"Sometimes I have to fight the old urge to keep quiet at all costs, but I have found that sharing is the key to healing. . . By sharing honestly with people I trust, I challenge the old, negative ideas."  Courage to Change (p. 111)

April 18th - Be that Friend

The story...

A guy, with black glasses and an afro hair style, invited me over to his house - it was the kind of action that can develop a friendship.  The friendship lasted long enough for me to learn how to juggle.  Starting with two balls in one hand, then three balls, then three different types of objects, and eventually juggling three balls back and forth with my new friend.

My juggling skills have brought me joy throughout my life.  I'm thankful to that kid, in high school, who made the effort to become a friend with me.

I hope that every person within the only church in town would have at least one close friend.  The kind of friend that you can walk through life with, be vulnerable or less guarded with, and grow together.  Friendships are great yet they aren't necessary or permanent.  They're worth the risk and effort.  Why not ask that potential friend over to juggle today?

Just for today...

"I had to give what I wanted to receive and become what I wanted to attract. . . As I grew kinder and more loving, other people responded to the change. . . Today I can take an active role in fulfilling my needs.  I can choose to become someone I would want to have in my life."  Courage to Change (p. 109)

"Much of my present insanity stemmed from my inability to accept and feel compassion for myself because of my past choices and behaviors . . . I am turning my painful history into today's blessings and strengths."  Hope for Today (p. 109)

April 11th - Deference

The story...

I heard a speaker make the claim that being a servant means doing everything your master says - to voluntarily choose to serve another.  They suggested that this is part of what it means to be a servant leader.  Hmm...

I gave this idea a try, a test of sorts, last weekend by accepting and enjoying all of the plans that a friend had for Saturday evening.  They chose where, when, and what we did.  It felt good not even considering the interjection of my opinion on anything we did or discussed.  The experiment set a different "tone" for the relationship - everyone seemed to be enjoying this new "way."  I think that the best word for describing my change in attitude would be deference - humble submission and respect.  It felt real good and right.

How do people expect the only church in town to be different from other community gatherings?  They will likely know the story of our Lord Jesus the Christ washing His disciples feet.  "So if I, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet." (NASB, John 13:14) 

(Tintoretto, 1548)

Loving our neighbor as ourselves does seem to be a wonderful, yet gifted, quality of the good life - an essential ingredient for us and our community too.  For God so loved the world that he gave His...

Just for today...

"I retain the right to have problems, to cry, to make mistakes, to not know all the answers. . . I don't have to be in charge."  Courage to Change (p. 102)

April 2nd - What's going on?

The story...

It's the summer of 1977 and I'm working on a sled gang for the Burlington Northern railroad - summer job.  Sled gangs replaced old railroad ties with new ties that're covered with thick-black creosote.  The car pooling drive was long, the creosote burned my skin, the work was fatiguing, I experienced back muscle spasms, and I drank so much water that I used my hard hat as a cup. Yet, it paid over $6/hr.

Most of the job was "high spiking."  There was a machine that ran on the tracks that automatically drove the spikes; but, it didn't always work.  So, young guys like me drove in some of the spikes with a maul.  As you can see in the picture, the spike head is real close to the rail.  If, or when, you hit the rail there is a loud ding.  All the gang hears it and the foreman yells at you.  Why?  Every train car that rides over that flat spot is going to feel that until they replace the rail.  I remember hitting the rail a bit more than most people and the foreman's yell stung.

So, one day I was sitting by myself taking a break.  The dreaded foreman came over and sat down next to me.  He says: "Have you ever drank beer out of a straw?"  I couldn't believe that he was threatening me like that.  Then he followed that line up with: "I've had to learn how to since I broke my jaw when I got hit by the backswing of a maul.  My jaw's wired shut."  So, for weeks I thought that the foreman was snarling at me every time he attempted to talk with me.  In reality, his jaw was wired shut and I mistook his helpful attempts as personal attacks.  My number of rail hits dropped significantly after that welcomed conversation. 

I hope that people within the only church in town will be less guarded.  Hopefully, most of the people would be trusting God more than "self" and be a bit less guarded too.  They'd be capable of taking their eyes off themselves and have a better understanding of what's actually going on.

Just for today...

"As I become less self-centered, I will have stronger defenses against being hurt by slights and injustices. Minor crises will not loom large because I will not allow myself to magnify them out of proportion to their importance."  One Day at a Time (p. 93)

"I think I've developed an understanding of God that I don't fully understand." As We Understood... (p. 227)

March 31st - Quit stalling - trash it already

The story...

It's 1981 and I'm living in Knoxville, TN.  My new best friend's fiancé is visiting next weekend.  He's hanging out in my apartment and says to me:  "I might as well do it now rather than wait until she does it."  He walks over to my record collection and tosses five or six of them in a pile in the middle of the floor - I groaned with the potential loss of each of them.  Yet, my most pain was felt with the AC/DC album Back in Black.  My soul resonated with those three chords in...  Yes, I agreed that he was right and I later took the long-hard walk to the dumpster and threw them away.  His fiancé did visit that weekend, yes I loved her too, and yes she definitely would've thrown those albums away.  I would've been powerless to stop her. Yet, I'm glad that my good friend left the trashing process to me.

I still think that that AC/DC album was the best rock and roll album ever written.  Just three guitar chords?  Does my soul resonate with those songs?  Yes!  Are, they good for my right and humble walk with God in Christ?  No!  Have I been tempted to listen to that music since?  Yes!  Have I always resisted the urge?  Mostly...  My old-nature is still there, it's been redeemed by the blood of Christ yet still wants to be in control and run apart from the will of God - that's just the way I am.

Record demolition in Comiskey Park on July 12, 1979

How and when might we best perform our spiritual and life inventory?   We know how hard it is to sort, trash and rearrange stuff that fills up our garages, basements and attics.  For me, the deleting of some of the "trash" that my soul likes, wants, and longs for has been an important part of my personal growth and faith walk.  The "itches" seem to linger if I routinely scratch them.  We take out the regular trash each day but the stuff we've hung onto for too long, that do bring us some kind of comfort, requires something more - surgery.  My current "condition" is vastly superior to my old man's natural "condition."  I ain't going back and will not bring that crap with me any further.

My friend and his wife are wonderful people who've continued a faithful walk within the good state of Ohio.  Ohio is a better place with their family as a part.  I hope that visitors to the only church in town will find families like theirs to walk alongside with.

Just for today...

"We learn to face the world as it really is and to take responsibility for our actions. We deal with our feelings and share honestly about our experiences. We learn about ourselves and nurture our spiritual growth and our physical and metal well-being.  We become responsible adults."  Courage to Change (p. 91)

"Be good to yourself."  One Day at a Time (p. 91)

January 30th - Stinking Thinking

The story...

About twenty years ago, my assigned Human Resources representative and I were discussing ongoing problems within my work group that she characterized and labeled as "stinking thinking."  Then she said something like: "They need a leader to help them: remember past successes and celebrate new ones, know they're capable; feel valued; serve each other; view problems as opportunities; test new ways often; learn alongside others habitually; respect each other... - then they'll engage and be the best version of themselves together.  As their manager and leader, what's your part in making this happen?"

What did I do differently?  Focused on demonstrating RESPECT for all work group members in word and deed.  Played together more often - a Friday afternoon paint-ball session helped build teamwork.  Learned more about each group member and what/who was important to them.  We solved interpersonal disputes quickly in more sustainable ways - they knew that they'd be working it out in my office, and even bring in H.R. help, if they didn't work it out together.  There were many positive changes that we made together; yet, much of the change started with me being a better leader and manger.

Yes, there was some stinking thinking going on within me that was strangely reflected within the group's interactions, behaviors, and performance together.  I started with "me" rather than attempting to craft plans to fix the problems that I could identify with "them."  The resulting changes in what we did, and who we were, were worthy of the transformation investment.  I became a better leader, manager, and person as a result of the growing that we worked out together - in community.

The only church in town will easily find fault within each other as they worship, praise, learn, grow, and serve together.  Real change and growth will occur when they internalize the value of the slogan "let the change begin with me."  The gospel will offer the opportunity for each person to be a new creature in Christ - the intended version of you.  Then each person, and the group as a whole, can be free "in deed." (Galatians 5:1).

Just for today...

"I watched, monitored, controlled, and exercised my need to feel hurt. I felt self-pity, embarrassment, superiority, resentment, and anger.  All of these took obsessive turns filling my mind and heart. I wondered why I indulged in these draining  behaviors and emotions, which only resulted in further misery for me."  Hope for Today (p. 30)

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come."  1 Corinthians 5:17 (NASB)

January 21st - Who's your daddy?

The story...

Thankfully, my back surgeon recommended Celebrex, epidural steroid injections and therapy, rather than surgery, to return my body to a more normal "I can go an do what I want to" state.   The Celebrex worked as expected, the injection process was relatively easy with questionable benefits, and the therapy was a real surprise.

"What physical therapist would you recommend in my home town?"  They didn't have a recommendation - they gave me a prescription for either four or six weeks and said we'll meet again in four months.  I took a look at the therapy room in the Aquatic Center, where I'd been swimming for about two months, and scheduled an appointment with the only therapist there.  

I've met with the young-woman therapist for two weeks and my interactions and results have thus far surpassed my expectations.  I didn't choose her, I chose the location and facility.  I trusted her and have done, pretty much, everything that she directed me to do.  "We" are working on limitations that have affected effects in me throughout my whole life.  I'm so optimistic - "Yahoo!"

If I were to have selected a therapist from a lineup of candidates, I likely wouldn't have selected her.  I might've looked at age, sex, height, personality, education, experience...   I'm so thankful that I came in with a need, was honest in every interaction, sought to understand before being understood, listened to her diagnosis rather than my own related thoughts, and trusted her.  Yes, I don't want to be naive so I've tested her a couple of times and each time her response confirmed that she has my best interest at heart.  She's a human with limited understanding but I'm relying on her to get better.  She's sought to understand me better too and has set expectations of a sustainable solution that will work with my habits, preferences, life style, and hopes for the future.

Whose your daddy?

I especially like her direct style of communication and therapy interventions where she moves me forward during our short 1/2 hour appointments.  She appears to be committed to helping me regardless of my responses and peculiarities.  I'm so... thankful for her.  In fact, when I grow up, I want to be more like her.

The only church in town's object of faith will be the Messiah, their Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ whose great sacrificial work provides the way to a righteous relationship with God our Father.  There's a lot packed into that sentence.  Why not go to the only church in town and learn more about what's really going on within the rest of your life and the eternity to come?

Just for today...

"It is only by taking offense at what others do that I will be afflicted with resentment. If I feel that what I am doing is right, I will not be dependent on the admiration or applause of others."  One Day at a Time (p. 21)

"I could never tell the difference between what was and was not my business. I felt I had to take care of everyone around me until I couldn't stand it any more."  Courage to Change (p. 21)

January 17th - Working out life from a new tool box...

 The story...

Long ago over dinner in Bethel Maine, a woman from Xerox gave me advice - it stuck.  I've shared this advice with 100's of people and I don't even remember her name.  Everybody seemed to understand the advice and its application too.  I'd recently been promoted from engineer to engineering manager.  She explained the difference between the two tool boxes that I had at my disposal.  The old set that served me well and the new set that I'd need to better "lead" and "manage" the group.  Surely, it was wise to oil, and occasionally apply, the tools in the old box; yet, the new set must be developed and augmented to leverage the group towards...

I tried leading this group long ago - thank you "Murray House" 

Strangely, I sense a need to cleanup and change the tool box that I've been using for the last ten years.  Here are seven tools that I think I need to add or dust off, oil, and use more frequently:  

• Uber Driving: Help people get where they're going and share life along the way.
• "Bigger" Ears:  Listen to others without opinion or thoughts of fixing, managing, or controlling.
• Get Out the Door: Move from thinking about to doing more readily - take that first step.
• Thankfulness:  Within my prayers, activities, & relationships - on both "Light" & "Dark" days.
• Exercise & Stretch:  Enable my body to go where He and I will to go...
• Invest:  Build up others & thoughtfully transfer what I have to 'em too.
• Keep the End in Mind - Be eternally focused and earthly good too.
• Honest in Self Assessment: Remain humble - focused on the glory of God.

The only church needs you to work out your life with 'em.  You need 'em too even though it may currently be a latent need.  Bring your toolbox and be ready to work out your life with 'em.  Once there, you may find the need to add a tool, pick up an old tool, or replace your tool box with a new one that...

Just for today...

"I will make myself learn to use a new set of tools: tolerance, kindness, patience, courtesy, love and humor - and a firm determination to do what is necessary to improve my life."  One Day at a Time (p. 17)

"I often restrain myself for fear that others will misunderstand and criticize me."  Hope for Today (p. 17)

January 15th - Protecting from bad news by worrying in advance? Really?

The story...

There's a news show on TV and people I care about are watching and kind of listening to it.  The broadcaster is tainting the news coverage in a way that seems partial and unfair to me.  I quickly interrupt the coverage, from another room, to bring attention to the bias so that they won't be misguided and swayed to think like the crowd.  I certainly don't want to have future arguments with them or to "allow" them to live a life clouded with partial truths and popular opinion guiding their thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs.  Might my underlying motive be to push them toward thinking more like me? 

My actions do suggest that they aren't capable of living out, or interpreting, their lives without me.  I expect that they know this and they often hear my interfering voice as a clanging gong or loud droning sound that they wish would respectfully let them be - to think and live on their own.  I might be exaggerating to make the blog more interesting; however, I know it's true and want to change.

Are you trying to get somebody to behave in a way to help you?  If so, that should be a glaring red "stop" light.

Within the only church in town, there'll be popular opinion and campaigns to push congregants to agree with...   A primary function of the church is to clearly preach, teach, and work out the Word of God into the actualities of each person's life.  Other times, there will be "righteous" noises that divide, drive strong emotions, and end up with more guarded, separated, and lonelier people.  When that becomes more the norm, it seems that their ears and hearts won't be as open to receive the Word of God - that'd be tragic.

Just for today...

"I was busy projecting a horrible outcome to my loved one's crisis and dreading the ways in which the consequences might affect me . . . Part of me gambles that by worrying in advance, bad news will be easier to face if it comes.  But worrying will not protect me from the future."  Courage to Change (p. 15)

November 26th - Relationships - Good "Vibes" - Like tennis?

The story...

My close relationships are very important to me.  They require an investment of my whole self for focused periods of time.  Here's the glue that makes 'em stick for me:

• Who: similar personalities and journeys - ages from 35 yrs younger to 5 yrs. older.
• What: equal sharing, & listening, of life's reality & ideas for what is and might be.
• Where: at a coffee shop, restaurant, church, or via computer.
• When: every other week - convenient time of day - one to two+ hours.
• Why:  honestly sharing life-walks - giving & receiving - growing together.
• How: sharing equally without unrequested opinion - like a good game of tennis.

How is a good relationship like a good game of tennis?  You share equally by taking turns serving and returning the ball.  You treat each other with respect or you won't continue to play.  Must plan to meet periodically at a court and time that's okay for both.  You've similar goals for the tennis experiences.  You'll accommodate your partner as physical limitations happen.  The joy of returning their shot on the sweet-spot of your racquet, at the same level of energy, is invigorating - it's like you're fully connected yet being fully independent.  Conversation with a good friend is a lot like that.  Please don't even think about turning the joy of a relationship into a win-lose game like tennis might be.

The sweet-spot of the racquet is where the vibrations of the racquet cancel out and the forces are more fully transferred into the ball return.  Those vibrations are irritating, fatiguing and even harmful to our bodies.  Yes, a good conversation and a good tennis volley are similar.  We all know how fatiguing the unwanted "vibes" between people can be - they aren't okay within a close relationship - they continually wear down, erode, and destroy relationships.

The only church in town will be one group with a kind of personality of their own.  There'll be sub-groups that'll have their own personalities too.   Within these "purposed" groups you'll find opportunities to develop friendships with a person(s) similar to you.  These relationships will be like walking side-by-side through life focused on reality - the most important spiritual reality that truly lasts.  When we stray from the path, a friend can help us  "wake up" and return to the life-giving path.

We're blinded to this spiritual reality when we focus on ourselves and ignore who we actually are as creatures - creatures created by a living and active God.  He's interested and powerfully working through our todays, tomorrows, and our eternal future too - He says so.  Experiencing a relationship with Him in Christ is like no other.  

Just for today...

"... we don't tell anybody what to do. People only accept and use advice they're ready for . . . When I am asked for advice, I know only what I would do if I were faced with the same problem, and not what would be right for another."  One Day at a Time (p. 331)

"I learned to trust no one, to stay silent at all costs, to stuff my feelings, never to stand up for myself, to take on more responsibility than I could handle, to love conditionally, and to tell white lies to cover up my home life. No wonder as an adult I perceived that close interpersonal relationships were like constantly moving targets.  Usually I was the one who was moving because I lacked the skills to develop and maintain healthy adult relationships."  Hope for Today (p. 331)

November 24th - We're either getting better or worse - nothing stays the same.

The story...

Somebody told me that about their habit of seeking to discover at least one thing of value from every conversation.  Looking for those "golden nuggets" helped him to listen, and stay engaged, in what might've been a boring or taxing conversation.  The speaker appreciated the attentive listener - albeit offered with a selfish motive.  Yes, this is one way to win friends and influence people for your benefit - and the speaker's heard too.  Everybody wins - right?

The self-help book craze had a resurgence in the 1960s and continued strong for decades.  Yet, trying to be, or acting to be, somebody different than who you actually are, is wrought with problems.  Being a good actor in life, who's well received by others, seems like a good path; yet, being that good person and working out that reality more naturally seems better.  Yet, there's much reason to believe we often need to "fake it to make it" - how else do we become who we want to be?

There will be authentically good people who are interested in you, yes you, within the only church in town.  Some will be redeemed - walking more rightly and humbly with God - you'll be compelled to listen to their conversation, heart, and spirit/Spirit connection.  That's the power of God - when you receive . . . you won't desire anything better.  Surely, you'll drift away but He doesn't leave His adopted sons and daughters there long.  He loves those that are His.  The first and second greatest commandments is living within the "sweet spot."

Just for today...

"How many have given me a constructive idea to take away with me and use? That is the only measure of a truly valuable meeting."  One Day at a Time (p. 329)

"What can I do by day's end to improve myself? Is there something I can learn? Is there some challenge I can meet? Is there some old tired fear I can walk through and be rid of?"  Courage to Change (p. 329)

November 14th - My survival skills

The story...

Most of us developed survival skills to make it through K-12 - our elementary, junior, and high school years. High school was when I was expected to learn and experience what I needed to be a full-functioning member of society.  The graduation speech said that we had limitless potential within the United States of America.  What did I do over those 13 years?

• Learned to obey the teacher, complete assignments, and value good grades.
• Progressed through boy scouts to the rank of "Life Scout."
• Fulfilled the job requirements of a paper delivery boy for 4 yrs. - wasn't motivated to sell new subscriptions but faithfully delivered the papers and collected the money.
• Built a large wooden tool box, smashed my thumb with a hammer, sewed my own reversible vest, and cooked potato soup.in junior-high shop class.  They required the boys to take home-economics for two months during 8th grade.
• Completed drivers education and was awarded my drivers license.
• Fulfilled the requirements of a drug store general worker and delivery boy for 2 yrs.  Crashed their cars several times.
• Developed friends - mostly from band and work experiences.
• Completed all the math classless offered and survived the English classes.
• Fell in love multiple times yet didn't experience the boy-girl friend closeness that I hoped for.
  
  

My High School

Who was I at that graduation ceremony?

• Accepted Christ as my Savior at eight.
• Learned a work ethic and financial skills with the money I earned.
• Distanced myself from the church - worked every other Sunday.
• Became a story-teller to engage in group conversation.
• Looked for love where I thought it might be found - love was elusive.
• Interacted socially yet never really felt like I fit in.
• Accepted at a state college - to be an engineer.  There I expected to start over - to be somebody.
• Learned survival skills - boundaries, armor, and habits.

The only church in town is a place where you can learn the reality of being truly okay.  Okay with God, you, and your neighbors too.  I was so thankful, in 1980, when Steve and Marlene said to me:  "We would like you to go to church with us - please come."

Just for today...

"I was powerless over my childhood. The survival skills that I developed made my adult life unmanageable."  Hope for Today (p. 319)

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1 (NASB)

October 25th - It's going to be what it's going to be - let it go

The story...

A wise boss once told me to focus on the 20% of the stuff that's within my control, or that I can strongly influence, to get the best results - the essentials.  Let the random variables bounce around within limits and trust our capable people to address the minor issues as they arise.   Our competitors can waste their time focused on the trivial and wear themselves out trying to control the uncontrollable - "We'll eat their lunch."

Steven Covey developed a useful model of three concentric circles that illustrates how we might best classify issues within our mind.  The innermost circle contains issues that are within our control - it's small.  The next bigger circle contains the issues that we can influence - it's bigger.  The next bigger circle are those issues that we are concerned about yet we can't influence or control.

Circles of: Concern, Influence, and Control

Stephen Covey idea

The only church in town will focus on the essentials for growing each person and the group too.  They'll speak to concerns outside their influence and control yet they won't stay there.  They'll trust the power of God to work out His will in those matters - He's fully capable and trustworthy.  His circles have no boundaries.

Just for today...

"One of my defects of character is to make choices passively - letting things happen rather than taking action."   Courage to Change (p. 299)

"... weather was one of the many things completely out of my control.  This perception relieved me of responsibility for the weather, sunny or cloudy, and reminded me of the many things in life over which I have no control. I can only let go and let them be."   Hope for Today (p. 299)

October 4th - Are "we" better than "me?"

The story...

I walked into the T-Group at a NTL Human Interaction Laboratory in Bethel, Maine.  My V.P. of H.R. recommended that I attend this week-long experience that he personally found transformational.  This was the first session and nobody was talking - we were all just sitting there.  I guessed who the leader(s) were yet they said nothing.  A few people were so uncomfortable with the silence that they spoke up, asked questions, and even tried to start their own meeting activity - the group shut each of these people down in order - the agitation, uncomfortableness, and negative group dynamic grew.  It got better and better as the week progressed - for everybody.

The week was transformational for me - I left more accepting of me and more thankful for the group.  We learned, experienced, and worked out being a more fully-functioning human being within community - experiencing the value of working and living together.  Yes, I was a better person having experienced this Human Interaction Laboratory - I learned and grew with and through other people.

1990's training binder on group dynamics

Even after all of the courses, experiences, successes and failures, I still find group dynamics challenging, rewarding, and discouraging too.  Yet, friendship, working out life together, and community are worthy and seem to be a most important part of our life experience.

"We" may not be more capable in some things than "me," yet together "we" are more complete and more capable, and maybe more fulfilled.  Yet, the fear of group rejection, not fitting in, still looms in the background.  What if they ... The risk of group rejection reminds me of the following scene where Forest Gump defends Jenny during a Black Panther meeting - not fitting in.

Forest Gump's fight ruins the Black Panther party?

The only church in town will grow people, friendships, groups and community within the Light of God's truth about who He, they, we, and I am.  It'll be a great place to live, grow, and be - working out life together where really good news is heard and shared.  A place where people learn to love, be loved and suffer together too - just as we were created to be?

Just for today...

"The change in me will be reflected in every person whose life touches mine."  One Day at a Time (p. 278)

"I've learned to live with, put up with, and tolerate many things I wanted to change but was afraid to try for fear of the unknown . . . I finally tore the wallpaper down."  Hope for Today (p. 278)

"I realized that it was my own fear and shame, and not the embarrassing details of my problems, that kept me at a distance."  Courage to Change (p. 278)