September 28th - What might I've learned if I was a monk?

The story...

I read a quote from Thomas Merton's book that surprised me - it rang true to my previous learnings, knowledge, experiences, and possibly my spirit too.  I suspected these things were true; yet, I hadn't put the pieces together before.  "No Man Is an Island," was an impactful book that helped my better understand life's journey.  Thomas seemed to've put the important pieces of life together before I was born.  I'm so thankful that he shared his life walk with God in a way that I could receive, understand, apply to me, and to live out more fully too.

I read another book that summarized Merton's life up to the point of his entering the life of a monk in central Indiana.  I hope that we all seek to better understand who we are as we work out our life story.  Seems like part of a good life is sharing and growing alongside other fellow sojourners.  I expect that we'll learn we need each other.

The only church in town will be a place where we can meet others who want to work out their life in the reality of God's revealed Word.  We can share our lives together and become a more complete whole -  a community.

Just for today...

"... when we are strong we are always much greater than the things that happen to us, and the soul of a man who has found himself is like a deep sea in which there may be many fish: but they never come up out of the sea, and not one of them is big enough to trouble its placid surface. His "being" is far greater than anything he feels or does."  

"The deep secrecy of my own being is often hidden from me by my own estimate of what I am. My idea of what I am is falsified by my admiration for what I do . . . We all seek to imitate one another's imagined greatness.  If I do not know who I am, it is because I think I am the sort of person everyone around me wants to be."

Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island (p. 125)

September 24th - Being emotionally, mentally, and spiritually well

The story...

My walks in the woods are important to me.  There're few man-made objects to be seen.  There're sounds of creatures, the wind, rustling leaves, and your feet crushing leaves and twigs.  You can feel the wind in your hair and the bumps in the path pushing through the soles of your shoes and sending signals through your calloused feet. You can smell a few plants and the decaying leaves too.  You won't taste much; yet, you'll discern a couple things.  Yes, we can sense more while living in the present.

Along my walks, I'm capable of drifting back to an unresolved scenario from my past - often thinking about my role, what I did, and what I might've done.  I've learned to decide what's true about the past situation and to "dispatch" the history before it turns into obsessive thinking and depression.  Often the thoughts end well with me accepting reality and trusting God for needed resolution.

While walking, I might entertain expectations and plans for future events.  This type of thinking can be a worthy, decisive, hiking time investment; yet, they too can turn into unproductive obsessive thinking. It's not hard to begin imagining what might go wrong to the point of imagining my fears into negative, pessimistic expectations for the future.  I don't want to view the future pessimistically nor walk into my future unprepared.

You know these guys...

It seems good when half of my time, walking down the path of life, is living in and more fully perceiving the present - experiencing my senses, feelings, and more "tuned into" my spirit and the presence of God.  Most often this state's not a thinking thing.  It's a peaceful and restful place to be, with my mind at rest, sensing what's going on around me, and looking forward to what's up around the path's bend.  I also seem to enjoy my encounters with other hikers better too when I am walking peacefully in the present - it's good to be connected within community.  When I finish my hike, I feel senses of accomplishment, restfulness, and a better sense of connectedness with my whole self, others and God too - more okay and loved.

What happens when we don't experience love for an extended period of time?  Might we fail to engage in life or even to experience emotions?  I've heard stories of ignored-orphanage babies who stopped crying - they seem to've realized that there was nobody there to comfort them - to be loved.  The only church in town's a place to learn about what God's revealed about Himself, us, and realistic expectations for the future. The church is a place for experiencing the love of God and real reasons for being okay with yourself.  I want to be present in a place with loving relationships - living within the grace of God - how about you?

Just for today...

"What would happen if we stopped blaming anyone for anything? We would experience miracles of tolerance and grace - rich spiritual rewards, reflected in a life of real fulfillment."  One Day at a Time (p. 268)

"...I suffered from the disease in the form of emotional sickness and spiritual starvation . . . When I could not do another thing for myself . . . God wrapped me in protective care and began to teach me that I am worthy of joy and serenity . . . God's grace is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves."  Hope for Today (p. 268)

September 16th - Worry = Imagined fears worked into reality?

The story...

I'm tagging along with my mother as she shopped at the Fareway Grocery store.  She wasn't one to quickly fulfill our wants so we walked past the bins of penny candy without discussion.  One day, I willed to stuff a piece of candy into my pocket.  I saw the mirrors on the walls and knew that there was a risk that I'd be caught - I just did it.  I must have been sweating when I waited in the checkout line - I know that I fretted over the decision for days or longer.  I don't know how I resolved the moral dilemma - maybe I never did.  

How does a 4-year old boy resist?

I can remember this theft over sixty years later so it must have been an important "incident" on my mental record of who I am.  Am I good or bad?  Did I return it and toss it back into the bin?  Did I offer to pay the one cent?  Did I confess the sin and ask for forgiveness?  Did I try to do more good stuff to outweigh my failure?  Did I just push my misdeed out of my consciousness and stuff it within the recesses of my mind?

I believe that this incident occurred before I accepted an invitation to trust God's great work in Christ for the forgiveness of my sin.  Being right with God empowered me to walk more humbly and rightly with Him.  What might I've done had I stole the candy after I accepted God's provision for my sin?  Would I have confessed this known sin in my prayers, thanked Him for forgiving me for my sin through Christ, and restored the most important relationship that sin separates?  I do know that God knows our hearts better than we do and that no man is good - scripture says so.  His will works out with or without me.  I'm so thankful that God loves me in Christ - I'm walking through life with Him.  Man that's good news.

The only church in town will be the place where you can hear the real good news.  It's a place to worship God together.  It's a place to learn about Him, His revealed Word, us, the future, and true love too.  It's a place to develop the relationships that seem to be a big part of the recipe for your "good" life.  No need to fear and worry that fear into a bad reality.  

Why not trust God and actually live out a good-to-great life within His will?  If that's your will, then why not engage in that only church in town?

Just for today...

"They plead the worst case scenario in a very convincing way, until it almost seems frivolous to consider a positive outcome.  Yet the loudest voice is not necessarily the truest." Courage to Change (p. 260)

"Let me not force my own certainties on others. I could be wrong. A generous tolerance can smooth out many rough places in my day-to-day living." One Day at a Time (p. 260)

September 7th - We need leaders who've experienced the way to go.

The story...

A preacher once shared a transformational story with me.  It went like this: He was traveling across country with two other pastors and they were discussing the difference between people knowing about God and actually having a close relationship with Him that's born fruit.  He likened the situation to knowing all about London, his home town, yet never actually experiencing it.  You could know the map and even zoom in on Google images in great detail.  You could know about the key historical events, learn their language, practice their customs, dress like them, and even cook the same food.  Yet, you'd never really know what it's like to live in, and be part of, a particular London neighborhood.

Pastor Henry Hudson

Most of us have spent a lotta time in classrooms learning about things - memorizing facts and understanding how things relate to each other.  We may even feel we've mastered a subject without actually stepping into the territory.  I hope this isn't where people leave their faith journey.

Scripture confirms that God provided a way for us creatures to have an intimate relationship with Him.  The relationship can be so close that we may even refer to Him as daddy - "Abba Father."  People often hear this truth, understand the possibility, and maybe even memorize the verses; yet, they haven't experienced the relationship.  

People attending the only church in town would reasonable expect to witness the power of God actually worked out through the people who are His.  They'd hear about ongoing prayer and meditation being a natural part of that relationship.  They'd experience: love, joy, peace, patience. goodness, kindness, gentleness and self control.  Those who walk honestly and humbly with God would naturally lead in their own unique way.  Yes, the Body of Christ worked out in reality.  Each person witnessing and experiencing faith in God's Word worked out.

Just for today...

"Eventually I felt more comfortable with my abilities and discovered talents I didn't know I had. I even began to feel capable of doing what was asked of me. Before I realized it, I was the one giving loving guidance. It took some time to see, but I had become a leader."  Hope for Today (p. 251)

August 7th - Reflecting, Is now more important than then?

The story...

If we're able to reflect upon our lives in eternity, which decade might we value the most?

• 1st, Grew, trusted and dependent on my parents, learned about my capabilities.
• 2nd, Entered relationships outside my family and community - chose a career.
• 3rd, Became more interdependent and lived more outside my family circle.
• 4th, Honed my career and tried to pass my values on to my kids.
• 5th, Accepted my physical decline and limitations - tried out my imagined best life.
• 6th, Living more self aware, valuing relationships, and appreciating peace and rest.
• 7th, ?

Maybe all the reflections of my life will fill my eternal eyes or heart with feeling, understanding and love.  Personally, I am so thankful for every part of life, especially the meaningful relationships.

Marmalade - Reflections Of My Life (1969) 

The only church in town wouldn't be perfect nor best meet anyone's needs and wants.  Each person is wonderfully unique and living within their own season of life.  I can only imagine how the Word of God, the Spirit of Christ, and loving relationships might work out both there and in eternity.

Just for today...

Trust God's revealed Word - it's best and everlasting..

Appreciate and value your close relationship(s) in actuality.

Be your own best friend, treat yourself good, be patient with you, and apply this source of strength towards loving others.  That's likely where the good stuff of life can be found.

July 29th - Live a peaceful or exciting life?

The story...

People in their 60's often tell me about the exciting things they want to do with their free time that wasn't available within the last few stages of life.  Attention to their duties of life prevented them from living the "good life" that they expect to experience with that RV, second house, doting on grand children, extended vacations, bigger barn, hobby, tower building, financial investments, physical endurance feats, novel writing, life trophy...  Now, they're "free" to live the good life - self actualizing.

Why was this "good life" not available to them during the bulk of their more productive and capable years?  I expect that this question is worthy of self reflection - getting to the root cause(s).

Some people seem to resent my vision of the "good life" - living a peaceful life humbly walking with God in the present - enjoying interactions with people, creation, and His presence.  Practicing loving the Lord my God with all my heart, mind and soul and my neighbor as myself.  That seems like a worthy overarching goal - a North Star.

I hope that people in the only church in town would be free to be honest with themselves and the reality of what God's revealed for us.  His Word says He desires to enjoy those whose hearts are His and that we can enjoy walking humbly with Him too in the midst of all life circumstances.  The pull of the actualities of people's lives into "the world" will continually challenge truths revealed in God's Word.  Yet, they'll witness the effects of "That Than Which There is No Greater."  Why not trust God and be thankful?

Just for today...

"Quiet can be achieved with complete silence, but if the silence has in it even a trace of anger or hostility, it loses all its power . . . Most angry words have no basis in logic or reason anyway, so why need they hurt me?"  One Day at a Time (p. 211)

June 11th - Valued Relationships

The story...

Relationships in college were easy for me to develop.  We lived and ate in the same place, shared similar schedules and academic challenges, were about the same age, were invited to similar social events, drank beer together, and most of our lives had yet to be written.  I thought I was free to play and be whoever I wanted to be.

Marston Hall - The library was my favorite study place.

Many college students had enough of community living after about two years.  They wanted to be free of the forced relationship hassles and rules related to community living - they moved off campus. Personally, I didn't understand why people would want to clean a house, shovel sidewalks, buy and cook food, and work out the domestic life with a few other people.   I liked to visit houses like that but I also enjoyed returning to the dorm community.

During my Junior year, I attended the going-away parties for friends who were graduating or just leaving Ames, IA.  The party for guys seemed to be more optimistic than for the girls - parties for girls seemed to be more like a wake or a funeral.  Maybe the girls were more in tune with their feelings or had closer relationships than the guys did.  Anyway, I always planned an event that I could escape to rather than lingering at the "wakes."

Then it happened to me.  I had my own apartment in Knoxville, TN.  I had friends yet I felt isolation and loneliness.  Then a new friend invited me to a parachurch and I became connected.  I've been part of a church community ever since.  The purpose of the college community was to grow me, grow my understanding and transform me into a productive member of society who somebody wanted to hire.  The church community had aims of making me a better person rightly related to God and others too.

The only church in town would primarily preach and teach the gospel about how a man can be reconciled with God and have an ongoing relationship with Him.  They'd work out Truth into the reality of their life walk and community too.   The community life and person-to-person relationships would be good yet of secondary importance.

Just for today...

"I was unable to discuss my personal life with my mother.  Fearing her rejection, I rejected her instead . . . I realized that the opportunity to be close to her had always existed, but I hadn't been willing, until then, to take part in it."  Courage to Change (p. 163)

June 9th - What does it mean to be good?

The story...

"Rommel, you are such a good boy."  I must have heard words like that directed toward me but I don't recall them.  I believe I did hear them yet I'm not sure what those words would've meant.  They likely would've meant that I was respectful, obedient, trustworthy, helpful ...  Wait a second! That sounds like the Boy Scout law:

 "A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent."

How does that compare with what God says is good?

"He has told you, mortal one, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:8 (NASB)

The difference between the two definitions seems to be that the first one is a law that boys are asked to strive toward and the second requires walking humbly with God with love.  How do I work out my life humbly - walking rightly with God and loving my neighbors?  God is holy and I'm not.  I was born selfish with a heart that's like an idol factory.  Those idols were barriers between me and my relationship with God.

Message to me on a felt board as a 7 yr. old - I believed it.

Currently, I'm walking closer with God than in past seasons of my life. My relationship seems to be bearing His fruit through the Spirit of Christ who indwells me as a Christ one.  Yes, I've put my faith in the Son of God and His great redemptive work.  My old nature tempts me to idolize my fantasy, where I spend my precious time, my relationships, my financial power, or even my emotions.  I'm positioned complete in Christ and without Him I'm wandering near other people through life towards...

People within the only church in town would witness people walking humbly with God with love in their hearts.  They'd witness some Christ ones resting in peace through life's trials and sufferings and approaching their body's death with rest and peace too.  Will they see the gap between their own reality and what God said they can be?  What might the good life look like if they walked along fully trusting God and His Word?

Just for today...

"'The last thing I need is to be more humble.' Hadn't I been humble all my life, putting everyone's needs ahead of my own? . . . I had confused humility with humiliation . . . humility, I discovered, is the ability to see my true relationship to God and to my fellow human beings."  Courage to Change (p. 161)

"What wonderful things could happen in my life if I could get rid of my natural impulse to justify my actions! . . . Being honest isn't easy . . . I know that self-deception multiplies my problems."  One Day at a Time (p. 161)

"'I was afraid to say what was on my mind or in my heart for fear of being ridiculed, shunned, or criticized . . .  Now I have a reputation for being direct, honest, and open . . . I can let others know how I think and feel . . . I have a right to share what is in my mind and heart."  Hope for Today (p. 161) 

June 5th - Walking in the Present with God

The story...

I'm walking in the woods.  Am I walking humbly with God?  Am I aware of and receptive to His presence or is my mind moving to and fro between the past and the future?  These walks are my favorite place to consciously walk with God, in the present, as I ascend each hill, turn around each bend, see the sun rays through the leaves, fall into a state of peacefulness, or reflect on the beauty of that vista before I return to my more normal way of life. 

I'm glad I took this picture.

Some say I should buy a camera to better record those "present" moments so that I can later recall them with fondness.  Might these past reflections take me away from the future present?  I've heard it said that too much focus on the past results in depression and that too much attention to the future results in undue anxiety.  We meet with God and people in the present.

People attending the only church in town will likely desire the experience of walking more closely together with God.  Who knows what His will will be for our life today?  It seems reasonable to expect that today will be much like yesterday but change happens - only God knows for sure.  We must say "goodbye" to the past to greet the future with "hello."

Just for today...

"When I open my heart to a Power that fills me with love and acceptance, I can begin to extend those qualities to others."  Courage to Change (p. 157)

"Each new day I turn myself over to God's care because what He does is well done."  Hope for Today (p. 157)

March 23rd - Walking and Rolling

The story...

I had a friend who was bound to a wheelchair with partial use of his arms.  His wife was a virtuous and industrious person who cared for and loved him along the way.  We worked together as members of our church leadership board for a couple of years.  I didn't even want to imagine what it would be like to be "imprisoned" in a body that wouldn't go or do what I wanted.  I'm so thankful that he shared his heart, and the reality of his condition, over those years.  I learned much by observing his behavior, asking him "what's it like" questions, listening, and sensing his warm comfortable spirit.  He truly learned to love and accept love well.  He trusted what God's Word said about him rather than his limited capabilities.

He said, multiple times, that the car accident was a blessing.  He had a loving relationship with his God through his Savior.  I believed him and am thankful for his witness.  He seemed to be truly free within the confines of his wheelchair.

Life stories like this one will be an important part of the only church in town.  While our faith isn't built on the testimony of other people, it's a wonderful thing to witness the Spirit of God work His way out through a friend whom you are walking and rolling alongside.

Just for today...

"My anger can be an attempt to change someone or something because I don't want to change . . . I gain self-worth when I change the things I can and accept responsibility for my reactions rather than blaming or shaming another."  Hope for Today (p. 83)

"Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional."  Courage to Change (p. 83)

February 20th - Am I on a random walk?

The story...

There was a time when I searched Ebay to discover things that might sooth my unsettled inner man.  I liked the bidding process, the low personal investment, and the quest to win the prize.  One day, I found some things that seemed like a good fit.  A school was selling the motorcycles they used to train new riders. "Wow, this would be great, I could fix them up myself and share my passion for motorcycles with others."   I was more than a bit unsettled when we loaded them into the back of my truck.  The motorcycles should have been easy to rebuild but I had to face the reality that I was no motorcycle mechanic.  And, training others to ride on my motorcycles turned out to be not such a good idea either.  Three months later, I was helping a guy, who bought them from me, load them onto his truck - he seemed to have similar naïve notions.

How do I know if what I plan and do is within the will of God?  Am I behaving as if I'm on a random walk?  I expect that my walk along side others, within the only church in town, would be more purposeful.  No matter what my "self" tries to tell me, I'm just not right walking on my own self-directed path. When I do so, my eyes are focused on me rather than others - that's not a satisfying way for me to be.

Just for today...

"I told myself I was homely, thoughtless, lazy, stupid.  I would never say those things to a friend.  I realized that until I started treating myself like a valued friend, I would be standing in the way of my own recovery."  Courage to Change (p. 51)

Micah 6:8

February 2nd - Hoping for Love

The story ...

I remember walking up to the door of my seventh-grade Sunday-school room.  The girl that I secretly loved was with a friend who she seemed to identify with.  The friend asked me to show them my fingernails.  I paused before extending my open hand and fingers with my palm facing the linoleum floor.  They both broke out laughing - "you're like a girl!  Guys show their nails as a fist with palm up."  I was secretly crushed, likely tried to pretend I wasn't affected, yet I must have emoted my internal reality.  My secret search for love was publicly dashed.  I added a few plates to my personal armor to guard against that from ever happening again.  Oh... the pain of rejection - my wounded heart!

The church where the scene played out.

How might the one church in town have helped me?  My Sunday school teacher might have noticed my behavior change. Someone might have realized that I had no best friend at church.  As some aptly describe, I felt like I was alone on an island yet surrounded by people.  My parents forced me to go to some of the youth meetings - I didn't engage.  I became cynical and critical about the group that rejected me.  

In High School, I got a job that allowed me to miss every other Sunday service. I tried to bring order and meaning into my life without God's help. I didn't even know that a right relationship with God was possible.

Thoughts for the day ...

"So I continued to hide and did not accept who I really was."  Hope for Today (p. 33)

"Today, being humble means climbing down from the ladder of judgement of myself and others, and taking my rightful place in a worldwide circle of love and support . . . My thoughts are my teachers.  Are they teaching me to love and appreciate others, or are they teaching me to practice isolation?"  Courage to Change (p. 33)

February 1st - Imagining the Only Church in Town

The story ... 

Sixth grade was the year that I felt most secure as a person within society. The school had a sort of code or ethos that I understood and the teachers did a pretty good job of controlling the environment and behavior according to the stated and unstated code. The principal was the enforcer.

Most sixth graders knew that they better guard themselves from the hurt inflicted by other "Selfs" or they'd suffer - If they didn't learn it by sixth grade then they certainly learned it when they moved on to middle school. It's an easier road to think and act like the group - do groupthink. For me, academics came easy and I was able to work in an around the rules to safely be the unique person I was - our class was the oldest and most capable within the whole school - we had it made in sixth grade.

The building that was once my sixth grade home

There are so many questions that I had when growing up that I assumed that my parents, teachers, or pastor could answer - if I could just sit still and learn.  For me, disillusionment began in Junior High School. They didn't have all the answers and I felt on my own.

I imagine the only church in town spending less time talking about the doctrines that “we” believe and more time focusing on what scripture teaches us about Him, me, and us.  There would be groups of people, within the community, that would work out their faith together – groups that could be a bit less guarded and open among the safety of their friends. 

Just for today ... 

We are powerless over other human beings.  Yet many of us act like little gods when attempting to exert our will to “help” them conform to our ideas of what is best for ‘em. 

When I change my behavior for the better, the behaviors of those around me are more likely to grow. 

January 27th - Our journey from third base to home plate.

The story...

I've often thought about my progression through life as if on a baseball diamond.  0-22 gets me to first base; 23-45 gets me to second base; 46-70 gets me to 3rd base; and 71-?? gets me home.  Much of my behavior seems to want to delay stepping on third base.  I'm working hard to improve my flexibility,  mobility, strength, mind, activity to delay stepping on that bag - why?

Someone, who I loved, recently stepped onto home plate and they're gone now.  My memories remain; but, they're gone.  They'd even lost much of their memory before they stepped onto home plate.  What's there to look forward to on that straight path from 3rd to home plate?

I've been told that I should avoid lists within this blog; yet, I'm again compelled to list the most important parts of life that I look forward to during that final stretch.  Here are my top 12 in alphabetical order.

• Accepting love from care givers and offering love too.
• Enjoying the meal God's set before me rather than merely discussing or learning about it.
• Fellowshipping with God in Christ more continuously.
• Focusing my mind and heart on actualities rather than fiction.
• Interacting peacefully - forgiving and apologizing as needed.
• Investing in good living and God honoring initiatives.
• Loving the Lord my God with all my heart mind and soul and loving my neighbor as myself.
• Meeting the present reality with thankfulness.
• Moving my aching body where God and I will.
• Offering my hope, life lessons, and assets to others.
• Praising God.
• Remembering the faithfulness of God.

Let's keep the end in mind.

Just for today...

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith..."  2 Timothy 4:7 (NASB)

January 14th - The palette of my psyche focused on the object of my faith...

The story...

The idea for this blog, written for 365 consecutive days, occurred about one year ago today. It "popped" into my psyche as I was driving to church with the woman whom I love.  It also occurred to me that I could do this . . . yes, me.  Writing a chunk of my life story, making sense of it, applying good life principles and practices, and then discussing how they might work their way out within a hypothetical "only church in town." "I've benefited greatly from daily readers. This is a really good idea.  I think I'll recommend this for..."  

Yes, an idea had fully developed into a worthy life-giving and life-altering whole thing within the palette of my psyche.  It appeared to be helpful for both me and those within my circle of concern.  I had the resources and the capability to carry it out - it was clearly doable.  Yet, 365 consecutive days was too much to hope for - surely I would run out of story and find myself staring at a blank screen.  I'm so thankful that I shared my idea with the close friend, who I originally thought might be capable of working out this undertaking, and he encouraged me to get started.  Then, I shared the idea with a group of supporting guys, who I regularly met with, and they also encouraged me to work out this worthy endeavor into reality.  So, I took the first step and began my journey.  I'm so... thankful that my friends encouraged me to make the decision to move forward and take the first step.

Artist's Palette (U.S. National Park Service)

Wow, I wonder what will make its way into these final 17 blog pages?  What if I can't think of something interesting?  What if ...?   Yes, I plan to replace all these "what ifs" that I might conjure up with  "even ifs."   It does take faith to live out that good life that we long for.  Yet, the object of our faith is an important part of our role within this epic story of life that we all share in.

The only church in town will share how God provided a way for His creatures to become right with Himself - our most holy, righteous and loving Father.  Christ, and His great atoning sacrificial work, will be the object of their faith  And, the grace that each receives will be worked out together within each of their pilgrimages toward that celestial city.  

Just for today...

"By letting go of this battle we were sure to lose, we became free." Courage to Change (p. 14)

"If I was hurtful, and I make excuses to myself for what I did, I am building a second wall between me and the person I injured. Let me tear the first wall down by being honest and honestly acknowledging my fault."  One Day at a Time (p. 14)

January 9th - Am I able to let others, within my circle of concern, be?

The story...

If I could go back in time, how would I intervene with the younger version of me in order to avoid some of the trouble and brokenness that came my way in life?  I'm not sure if the advice of a meddlesome future me would've been wanted by me.  I might of told him to mind his own business and leave me alone to work out my own life.  If I'm not sure that I would want to "try" to change me, then why have I tried to fix, manage, and control other people within my own life?

If I could turn back time

Do I need all the people within my circle of concern to feel, and be, okay in order for me to be okay?  If so, I'll never be okay.  Am I responsible for the aims and choices of those people within my circle of concern?  Certainly not!  Is my need to share my life experiences a misplaced onus for desiring to control their lives so that I can feel better about me and my life?  Maybe...  

It would be great if the only church in town was your "ideal" church - it won't be.   Just go already and begin walking your life journey with other pilgrims - a better future, beyond your imagination, awaits.

Just for today...

"Once I was able to see my suffering as my own reaction to others, I could begin to identify my contribution to the problem. Sometimes my part is bringing up something that was better left unsaid, or starting a serious conversation at an inappropriate time. Other times my part is harboring unrealistic expectations. When I see my part in the pattern, I can choose a response other than suffering. There is no need for me to suffer because of the behavior of others."  Hope for Today (p. 9) 

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1 (NASB)

"But when the applause of others becomes the reason for my behavior and necessary for me to feel satisfied, then I have given them power over me."  Courage to Change (p. 9)

January 5th - Close Friendships are Worthy - "muchness"

The story...

I've planned to meet a friend today in a coffee shop that bakes wonderfully large and tasty cookies.  The refillable-ceramic coffee mugs, throngs of people huddled closely together in conversation, and the big cookie, all feel like "muchness" to me.  "Muchness" is a British romantic word meaning greatness in quantity and degree - it's a really good word to me.

My friend will update me on the reality of his life and I'll have the opportunity to do the same.  I don't need to plan what I'm going to say - our relationship is big enough that we've many ways to build on it.  It sure helps to have a listening ear that seeks to understand both my message and me better - our past interactions have led me to believe that he truly has my best interest at heart.  When I tell a story that doesn't seemed to be aligned with who he knows me to be - he'll challenge me in a kind sort of way.  This close relationship thing is real good.  I'm not so naive to think that he's fully engaged in all my stories yet I know he wants to be.  We grow together as we share our stories - that's real good, and I value him and our relationship, greatly.

Clare Ansberry makes reasonable claims about the amount of time it takes to develop a close friendship within her 1/02/24, Wall Street Journal, article: "It Takes at Least 200 Hours to Make a Close Friendship, and More to Maintain It."  My personal experience suggests that her claims have face validity. 

The only church in town will offer opportunities to discover people who are similar enough to you that you might take the risk, and invest the 200+ hours, to develop a close friendship.  Expect the process to take years rather than weeks.  These relationship endeavors are worthy.  C.S. Lewis said in his book "The Four Loves:"  "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”   For me, close friends are a key part of the good life - the muchness.

Just for today...

"Am I trying to interfere with the natural consequences of a loved one's choices?  Am I trying to do for someone what they could do for themselves?"  Courage to Change (p. 5)

"Unless I am at peace with the child of God I am, I cannot love and help my neighbor. Regrets are vain. They can interfere with the good I could do today, the making of the better person."  One Day at a Time (p. 5)

January 3rd - Cycles of continual improvement - growth

The story...

The nation of Israel's history can be characterized as continuing cycles of restoration to a right relationship with God, drifting away, realizing the lost and pain of separation, and reconciliation.  I've heard it said that this might be a good picture of a strengthening, growing, and lasting marriage too.  People's self-focused natures tend to pull them apart yet the marriage commitment can be strong enough to restore the relationship - over and over again.  Each restorative cycle can grow both marriage partners within their commitment to each other and to each of their relationships with God too.

I'm so thankful for my marriage partner and the personal growth that we've experienced both together and as individuals too.  Similarly, this kind of growth can happen within the only church in town -continual cycles of pain, love experienced, and restoration.  Yes, suffering, pain and brokenness often seem to be precursors and necessary ingredients for real and sustainable change cycles over time - growth.  

Just for today...

"I can do nothing to change the past except stop repeating it in the present . . . Taking some tiny action each day cam be much more effective than weeks and months of inactivity followed by a frenzied attempt to make radical changes overnight."  Courage to Change (p. 3)

"Each minute, each hour, each day, I smile a little more, let go of yesterday a little more, and live in today a little more."  Hope for Today (p. 3)

January 2nd - Clarified expectations by God's intervention

The story...

In 1980, I expected to: begin a career as a sales engineer selling industrial robots; marry within a couple years; invest my growing capital in corporations for continual wealth growth; buy a house; drive a convertible; experience adventurous vacations; have four kids; and continue to live out a rebellious sort of ideals - to be free.  In 1981, reality went differently than I expected.  It was as though God pulled, yanked is a more descriptive word, me in His direction.  What do I believe to be the key points of my life when I believe that God directly intervened?

Here's my take on the key related factual events, listed chronologically by my age:

8.  Walked to front of neighborhood evangelistic meeting and accepted Jesus the Christ as my Savior.

15. Lost and alone in a canoe in the Boundary Waters, MN - in the dark.  I promised to dedicate my life to God if He saved me from my predicament - I saw the light of the campfire less than one minute after making my commitment to Him.

16. Worked every other Sunday and drifted away from attending church services.

18. Fully engaged in a self-absorbed college life and stopped attending church.

22. After a period of brokenness, I read the four gospels and was surprised to learn God's story in Christ - new good news to me. Miraculous auto accident avoidance and three incredibly unlikely personal interactions with those who I now believe to have been directed by the Spirit of God.  Steve and Marlene invite me to church.

23. I move to Knoxville, TN and people directly intervene in my life.  They seem to have been led by Spirit of God.  They lead me to study and believe the Word of God - "be" differently.

26. Dejected by the seemingly unbearable "religious'" expectations demanded of me for living a "Christian" life.  Bill Job explains the grace of God - God works out all that is good and that I was identified with Christ and right with God solely by what Christ did for me.  Our work was to believe both the gospel and His revealed Word.

28. We attend a dispensational church that more correctly interpreted God's provisions for us gentiles -  Pauline theology.  We were fully engaged in bible study and the church.

40. Kid(s) resent being told how to be good by following religious practices and principles.  They expose the difference between what we said and did - they also wanted to be free of religion.  A hyper-grace like message seemed to allow the freedom for us to walk our own "sinful" path while under the protective umbrella of the grace of God.  My prayer life might've revealed the problem.

60. Brokenness again leads me to more honestly assess my life and faith walk.  I develop more honest and close relationships while working out my faith in the Light.  I disengaged from those trying to "run" the church and gave up "trying" to be good.  I gave up attempts to fix, manage, and control other people according to what I thought was best.  Trusted by placing my hopes for me and others in the "hands of God."  My life actually began to "bear" fruit that both I, maybe others too, enjoyed.  

The only church in town will lead you to God through His Word.  They'll direct you to that right relationship with God that can be yours by believing the Gospel truth of what God's already done for you in Christ.  Our work is to believe (John 6:29).

Just for today...

"... it is our expectations, not our loved ones, that have let us down . . . learn to treat our needs as important and appropriate, and to treat ourselves as deserving . . . if we stop insisting that our needs be met according to our will, we might discover that all the love and support we need is already at our fingertips."   Courage to Change (p. 2)

"I will not fall in with . . . craving for punishment to relieve his or her guilt. I will not scold and weep, for it will not overcome the difficulties that we are trapped in . . . I pray that I may stop and think before I do or say anything whatever."  One Day at a Time (p. 2)

"'Look back without staring.' As long as I kept staring at my past without experiencing my feelings about it, I stayed mired in fear, resentment, and self-pity . . . Only after I stopped long enough to feel my anguish, bitterness, and emptiness could I let them go and move ahead."   Hope for Today (p. 2)

December 27th - Shared stories

The story...

By taking the time to care and listen, I heard what it was like to be flogged as punishment for violating a law by entering a middle-east country with a 3.4 oz. bottle of alcohol.  Men have told me what it's like to worship the sun, Mohammad, Buddha, and their Messiah in many different ways.  People who worship God charismatically have always been interesting to hear out when they felt less guarded and more trusting.  A man shared what it was like to only remember clearly what'd happened about 60 years ago or before.  A 30-year-old woman explained what it was like to be an illegal immigrant from Russia while we recreated on a boat in Texas - they're required to read classic literature in Russian high schools.  A landlord explained what it was like to be free from the obligations of the Lutheran church in Duluth, MN - she had a hard time believing that I chose to go church when no one would know the difference.  A woman shared how it felt to be excommunicated from her church in Tennessee for cutting her hair.  Many older people have described how their more honest assessment of their self and humble worship and trusting in God's provision have brought contentment and peace in situations that were unimaginable to me.  A Buddhist professor explained how he valued the contentment afforded by not perceiving situations as either good or bad.  All of these conversations are precious to me and are part of the width, length and height of my story too.

What a joy to be able to seek to understand another person in conversation.  To be willing to listen to and understand a part of how their life worked out - what they value too.  I especially appreciate listening to people who are significantly different from me.  As I ponder those that I remember, I'm so thankful for each one - I can't imagine giving up what I've learned from other lives.  People's shared experiences and hearts are such a joy to me - truly precious.  It saddens me to hear of people who remain isolated from others and seek to find contentment through a relationship with a pet.

The only church in town will value the variety of lives that makes up their congregation as they worship in a common faith.  I love my church family and appreciate all who came before me, traveled with me, and those who I will interact with in the days I have left.  I wonder how many more breaths I will be given traveling on this spinning orb?

Just for today...

"...no one person's view is totally complete . . . I can be grateful for the chance to see that there are countless ways to looking at life . . . I use to take disagreements personally. One of us had to be wrong, and my position had to be accepted! . . . I don't have to invalidate anyone else's views in order to validate my own . . . Today I will respect someone's right to think differently."  Courage to Change (p. 362)