June 7th - Let it be heard - lament - be rid of the pain

The story...

I've had the joy of meeting weekly with a group of men while we studied the bible.  Next Monday night will be my last with them.  Strangely, we'll be considering the lamentations of the prophet Jeremiah who lived 40 years warning Jerusalem of God's pending judgment - the destruction of the people, temple, palace, city, law, festivals, and land.  A remnant of 4,600 people would be exiled to Babylon for 70 years to cleanse the people and the land from the effects of sin.  Jerimiah lamented deeply - he's known as the weeping prophet.

All life comes with suffering - ignoring, pretending and hiding seem to be reasonable responses yet they run rife with bad consequences - bottled up emotions is no way to live a good life.  God knows our heart and hears our prayers that cry out with the pain inflicted from our personal and collective sin. 

The only church in town would be acutely aware that they're living in a cursed world.  People need to be restored when sin inflicts it's damage.  Real freedom and love are offered by God through faith in His great work in Christ.  Yet, the pain and sufferings of life take their toll.  God hears our lamenting and loves those who walk faithfully beside Him within the only church in town.

The Passion Of The Christ - Tear Drop From God

Why not go to a quiet place and let it out today?

Just for today...

"Courtesy . . . is an expression of love, warm concern for the other person's comfort, peace of mind and well being . . . The practice of courtesy in the home gives us many opportunities each day to convey our love in little ways."  One Day at a Time (p. 159)

"When I turn off one feeling, I shut off all the others . . .  Sobbing, wailing, lamenting - all different ways of discharging my pain so that I can heal - allow me to experience the strength of my aliveness."  Hope for Today (p. 159)

December 30th - Might suffering force me to grow in new and important ways?

The story...

My physical limitations forced me to adapt my life to a new reality.  My emotional and mental processes take some time to both grieve the losses, and accept my new condition, before I move on.  I'm already enjoying my new environments, habits, activities, and relationships that're part of my new life.  It seems that I can both retain my memories of the past and enjoy new learnings and blessing from my new reality.  Is it possible that my physical limitations are forcing me to change and grow in new and important ways?  

The only church in town will teach you how Abraham, Gideon, and David died at ripe old ages.  I assume that being ripe means having fully experienced what life had to offer.  I hope to take that life experience trusting God, and fruit born along the way, into eternity.

Just for today...

"The unpleasant things other people say or do have no power to destroy my peace of mind or ruin my day unless I permit it . . . I suspect I may have benefited from my pain. But those benefits are no longer worth the prices . . . There is a beautiful person within me who has no need to build an identity around suffering . . . I won't waste another moment feeling sorry for myself."  Courage to Change (p. 365)

"I don't have to do or fix everything."  Hope for Today (p. 365)

December 29th - Plant your foot solidly and securely

 The story...

My feet had bunions, tight tendons to my toes, and almost no arch.  To make matters more challenging, one of my legs was/is about 1/4" longer.  Some of these limitations, and those partially caused by them, were corrected by surgery.  These changes allowed me to move more stably.

It feels good and right to plant your foot - the rest of your body parts, including the lumbar region of my spine, rely on that firm footing.  My lower back is currently impinging my spinal cord which is sending nerve impulses to my brain which I interpret as negative and painful.  Those "pain" signals trigger unwanted reactions, thoughts, and changes in my behavior.  I wanna be better.

The following article is from the 12/26/23 edition of the Wall Street Journal.  It claims that I might change my perception of some of the nerve signals that originate from my pinched spinal cord.  "The cause is brain sensitization rather than physical injury . . . verbally reappraising the sensations as a false alarm and noting it so that it's not considered threatening or painful."  Yes, I can live a better life by more accurately sensing, perceiving, and acting on reality.  That makes sense to me and seems like right thinking - in response, I'm planning on reappraising my nerve signals. I'll give it a try in reality.

Within the only church in town you'll learn the value of placing your step solidly within God's will. That firmer foundation allows for sustainable growth centered and planted in reality - the seen and the unseen.  I'm not talking about an imaginary world where a group all agrees in a sort of blind hope - It's a about real relationships and better lives worked out together in the Light of God's revealed Word.  It's the place to be - fruit bearing along the way.

Just for today...

"Did I demand to much? Am I being confronted with a natural reprisal for my rigid, uncompromising attitude? . . . If we hurt someone or demanded to much of them, swift retribution may dismay or infuriate us . . . I may feel ever so justified in "taking a stand," but let me consider whether it was something I did that led to the crisis."  One Day at a Time (p. 364)

November 21st - What does a "broken" person let go of?

The story...

I did my best, created a comfortable home, and tried to help those in my care to be their best.  Then something upset the game board - other people's games and the circumstances of life.  The tokens, pegs, fake money and cards were strewn about - the game of life no longer worked - it was moving in directions that I didn't plan for or expect.  There had to be a better way. 

A friend recommended that I meet with a group of people who might just help me turn my chaos into a new and better way of living.  I'm so thankful that I "Zoomed" into a virtual meeting with the group. They too, recognized that their efforts to fix, manage, and control life and people didn't work.  The problem wasn't with the other people, it was with me.  I learned much in the first year and lived a better way the second year.  I live a different life now, respecting relationships with people, more fully trusting God, and bearing fruit that both I and others enjoy.  A more humble life walking more closely to the truth.  My more trusting and open relationships with others, good friends, and God enable a wonderful sort of pilgrimage towards the Celestial City together.  It's the good stuff that eluded me during my early and working years.  Strangely, I'm soo... thankful for the brokenness that upset my boat, knocked down my house of cards, and helped me to see our God given life more honestly and clearly.

The only church in town will be comprised of people in all stages of life.  They'll learn about the reality of life together.  Each person will have a different personality, and when together, will form a group personality too.  The personality of the group will reflect their "head" - their Lord.

Just for today...

"Some people don't know how badly they need a new way of life until disaster overtakes them."  One Day at a Time (p. 326)

"Today I know that I can't fix anyone else but myself, and I challenge myself daily to seek a richer, more meaningful life. I'm taking risks, facing fears, making changes, speaking up, making myself available to life."  Courage to Change (p. 326)

November 18th - "My life was mostly good - I'm thankful for that."

The story...

A friend of mine met my mother in her independent-living home on Tuesday.  I introduced him to her and they settled down to one-hour conversation about her life past and present - him in a chair and her laying comfortably in bed.  It was a great joy listening to my mother describe her life - mostly good but there was bad stuff too.  She shared her hope that her kids, grand kids, and great-grand kids would go to church.  Her greatest pain was the loss of her husband in 2011 - she described how she missed him every day.  They lived a good life and that made her happy.  The surprises and joys, in her current life, were centered around the different people that are caring for her and meeting her needs.  "I never was around people like that, I really like them and some of them feel like friends."  That was her unexpected joy - she thinks that relationships like these might be why she lived so long.

The only church in town will ideally be like that independent-living home.  There will be some paid staff doing their jobs yet most of the caring and loving will be shared between each other.  People living out their life and faith in God's Word together.  The love my mother felt at the independent-living center surprised me every time I visited.  What if you spent more time with the folks in a church?  You might be surprised at the love you witness, receive and seem to offer to others.  Many of us are clunky and different so it might appear in unexpected and surprising ways.  Love experienced is worth it.

Just for today...

"If I can see nothing but my troubles, I am seeing with limited vision. Dwelling on these troubles allows them to control me. Of course I need to do whatever foot-work is required, but I also need to learn to let go."  Courage to Change (p. 323)

"When I'm uncommunicative or dishonest in my interactions, I set myself apart and feel rejected. Conversely, open, truthful communication nurtures feelings of trust and encourages me to participate fully in life. However, as I begin to change my old habits, fear of rejection sometimes tempts me to respond in old ways."  Hope for Today (p. 323)

November 16th - God help me!

The story...

When my soul ached with hurt, pain, and sadness.  The kind of pressure that slowly built up until it felt like a balloon, under pressure - it had to be released before it might burst.  I learned that I sometimes needed to express my pain, strong emotions, and request for relief aloud - I mean really loud.   This meant that I needed to be alone in the house, deep in the woods on a hike, or even by myself at the end of our pier that juts out into Lake Michigan.  I let my pain rip and prayed earnestly, and loudly, for resolution, grace, mercy, justice, or healing.  My outward expression of my inner condition seemed right and good - the crying out often left me feeling more peaceful, content and thankful.

The only church in town will cry out to the Lord in times of distress and need - scripture says He hears and has the power to act according to what is best for each person and community too (Psalms 119:169; 142:1; Matthew 20:30; Acts 7:60; and Hebrews 5:7).  He wants us to pray even though He doesn't really need us to - it's something about our relationship.  The only church in town will cry out in thankfulness and praise as they see God's faithfulness and love worked out.

Just for today...

"It seems strange, when I think of it, that God is most vivid to my consciousness when I am in the depths of despair, and all I can say to Him is: 'God help me!'"  One Day at a Time (p. 319)

"You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fulness of your joy."  Kahlil Gibran: The Prophet

October 31st - I'm okay in Christ

The story...

The numbness in both legs began a couple days ago - I noticed it when I was lovin' on my grand daughter while carrying her to the car after the hockey tournament.  The reality of my degenerating lumbar vertebrae can no longer be ignored.  My behavior must match the reality of my condition or my nervous system will give me direct and pointed feedback - ouch, reality has set in.

I expect that some nice person will call me today to schedule my MRI.  They'll insert my body in this big metal tube to take a 3D picture of this unseen reality.  I expect that two of the disks will be a bit flatter and protruded than before and that the stenosis will've narrowed the holes that my nerves are threaded through.  Yes, I'm now more aware of my limitations...

The surgeon told me about 14 years ago that he'd likely see me again in 15 years.  So, why did this catch me by surprise?  I couldn't help but notice that my height's shrinking as my disks flatten.  My spine doesn't care if I like the reality or not - it just is.  My only realistic choice is to adapt to what's true and how I will move my body.  I can choose to be thankful for every miraculous breath, imagine an alternate reality, or whine and complain. 

The only church in town will offer opportunities to walk side-by-side others as we walk humbly with God.  A more honest life might be lived with a clearer, yet still cloudy, view of spiritual realities and the next life too.

Just for today...

"I'm attacked by thoughts of disaster. I imagine failure, torment, agony. And then I act. I do something rash or fruitless in order to put a bandage on the situation, because the one thing I most fear is being afraid."  Courage to Change (p. 305)

"I grew up in a family where scorn, criticism, and teasing were everyday modes of communication. To cope, I developed the ability to hide my pain and confusion behind sarcasm and ridicule. Making myself feel bigger and better by making fun of others never filled the emptiness I felt inside."  Hope for Today (p. 305)

September 27th - The virus story worked out - wasn't worth fretting over

The story...

I've had virus symptoms for 2.5 weeks.  I'll call my doctor this morning since I've passed the two-week limit.  He likely will not be able to identify the virus - he might prescribe an anti-viral drug to boost my immune system.  I don't like my condition and I've only a basic understanding of immune systems.  So after acknowledging that last sentence, I listened to three YouTube introductory videos on the immune system.  I learned some of the principals that help me appreciate my body even more and to identify some of my behaviors and misunderstandings that may have hindered me.

He listened to my symptoms and physically inspected me - he had an intern with him too who repeated some of the checks.  He asked for two blood test samples to be taken to both check my immune system and to search for wasted muscle - he has an idea of what it might be yet didn't tell me.  I was able to have my blood samples taken at 3:30pm 9/01/2023.

It's 9/05/2023 and I'm hoping to get the results of my blood test this morning.  These data will help my doctor prescribe a course of action to better my body and the life I live through it.  I have speculated much over the last three days.  I know in part yet I'll likely know much more in a few hours.

The virus continued on, I visited my primary physician once again and he asked for more blood tests.  The type of virus was never really known. I began to feel better after five weeks and am now symptom free.

Suffering will be found in the only church in town yet, it won't be their focus.  They'll focus on the truth of God's good news and the blessings that are found by living out each day in the "Light" of day.

Just for today...

"If my life has become unmanageable, how can I get control of it? Am I being forced into doing things I don't want to do, like losing my temper, contriving, conniving and scheming to make things work out the way I want them?"  One Day at a Time (p. 271)

"If thou canst not make thyself such a one as thou wouldst, how canst thou expect to have another according to thy liking?"  Thomas Kempis - The Imitation of Christ

"If I knew what was coming, I suspect that I would spend all my time trying to run from painful experiences instead of living. I would miss out on so much great stuff." Courage to Change (p. 271)