February 24th - Let the good time roll...

The story...

When I was 19 years old, I recorded the The Cars song "Let the good times roll" consecutively until it filled both sides of a cassette tape.  From what I remember, it was the only song that anybody in my car listened to for at least a month.  Why not choose to always feel happy and surround yourself with others who were like minded?  I naively thought that I could choose, or control, the way I felt by using the song as a consistent reminder to stay in the "groove" - suppress those unwanted feelings!

During that same period, a psychologist, Paul Eckman, identified the following six basic emotions: happiness, sadness, disgust, fear, surprise, and anger.  It seems that I was trying to suppress conscious feelings of sadness, fear, disgust and anger as "we" listened to my tape. Why didn't the tape work?  I expect that our five senses trigger feelings - deeper down inside; emotions are triggered too.  That's a good thing since our emotions and feelings help us to make sense of what we both experienced and are experiencing.

As I age, I'm more "in tune" with my feelings and emotions - less static.  I'm more aware of how I feel regarding what I'm sensing.  I'm also better understanding my emotions too.  Growing in self awareness seems to be a worthy endeavor.  I spend less time belaboring, or recycling, feelings and emotions over, over and over...  It seems good to understand our feelings without quickly reacting - letting go of emotions before they become obsessive thoughts.  

How might the only church in town deal with the reality of people's feelings and emotions as they work out life together?  I've heard preachers say that facts should be the engine that drives our life "trains" and that feelings should stay back there in the caboose.  I expect that the community is harmed when people react quickly to their feelings, belabor obsessively over emotional issues, or focus on maintaining heightened emotions during group gatherings.  The group would likely function better if the leaders and the go-to people were emotionally intelligent.

Just for today...

"Let me learn to keep peace with silence when it is not the right time to say what comes to mind." One Day at a Time (p. 55)

"When I can't find a solution to a problem, when I have nagging doubts, fears, or frustrations, when I feel lost or confused, a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself can make a tremendous difference."  Courage to Change (p. 55)

"I wanna be a good character; in the game of life - Yet move awkwardly; trudging on my own."  Am I a Poet?

December 29th - Plant your foot solidly and securely

 The story...

My feet had bunions, tight tendons connecting my toes, and almost no arch.  To make matters more challenging, one of my legs was/is about 1/4" longer.  Some of these limitations, and those partially caused by them, were corrected by surgery.  These changes allowed me to move more stably.

It feels good and right to plant your foot - the rest of your body parts, including the lumbar region of my spine, rely on that firm footing.  My lower back is currently impinging my spinal cord which is sending nerve impulses to my brain which I interpret as negative and painful.  Those "pain" signals trigger unwanted reactions, thoughts, and changes in my behavior.  I wanna be better.

The following article is from the 12/26/23 edition of the Wall Street Journal.  It claims that I might change my perception of some of the nerve signals that originate from my pinched spinal cord.  "The cause is brain sensitization rather than physical injury . . . verbally reappraising the sensations as a false alarm and noting it so that it's not considered threatening or painful."  Yes, I can live a better life by more accurately sensing, perceiving, and acting on reality.  That makes sense to me and seems like right thinking - in response, I'm planning on reappraising my nerve signals. I'll give it a try in reality.

Within the only church in town you'll learn the value of placing your step solidly within God's will. That firmer foundation allows for sustainable growth centered and planted in reality - the seen and the unseen.  I'm not talking about an imaginary world where a group all agrees in a sort of blind hope - It's about real relationships and better lives worked out together in the Light of God's revealed Word.  It's the place to be - fruit bearing along the way.

Just for today...

"Did I demand to much? Am I being confronted with a natural reprisal for my rigid, uncompromising attitude? . . . If we hurt someone or demanded to much of them, swift retribution may dismay or infuriate us . . . I may feel ever so justified in "taking a stand," but let me consider whether it was something I did that led to the crisis."  One Day at a Time (p. 364)

December 4th - Value feelings without their control

The story...

In my college cafeteria, I picked up my banana split and threw it across the table at a "friend" who wouldn't stop throwing peas in it.  I witnessed my best friend yell at a fast-food window because "they" were "making us" late.  I threw the phone across the room and it smashed into the fireplace.  I insisted that the group fish the way that I thought was best even though the group didn't want to.  I picked up my toys and I went home.  A person who I cared about was acting irrationally and I didn't pause to think why.  I wonder if my life would've been less difficult and more fulfilling if I'd better understood and considered our emotions - to be more emotional intelligent. 

Colman A (2008) described Emotional intelligence (EI) as "the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. People with high emotional intelligence can recognize their own emotions and those of others, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, and adjust emotions to adapt to environments."  Emotions sound like a power that a "Super Hero" might have.  To ignore them, pretend they don't exist, treat them as unwanted noise, or react to them without thinking, seems foolish and even irrational.

I expect that Boy Scouts had to be emotionally intelligent in order to follow their oath.  "A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent."  Yeah, I was a Boy Scout and wanted to be like that then as I still do today.

The only church in town will be a group of people with the same "North Star" guiding them - faith in God and His provision for us His creatures - now and forever.  They'll have different resources, capabilities, backgrounds, personalities, emotional intelligence...   And, their sins that cause hurt and pain will be like "grit" that erodes and scars relationships - our emotions will confirm the presence of both sin and love.  Maybe sin's presence will lead the group to receive God's grace, love and mercy with great joy.

Just for today...

"I am a wealth of contradictions. I can value all of my feelings without allowing them to dictate my actions. Today I can feel anger toward someone and still love them. I can feel afraid of new experiences, yet move forward toward them. I can survive being hurt without giving up on love. And I can experience sadness and still be confident that I will be happy again."  Courage to Change (p. 339)

October 14th - Feelings - Stuff 'em up or look at 'em in the light?

The story...

Oh I wish I'd have acknowledged my strong feelings, paused, and decided how to best respond to that situation - the way I reacted was true to my feelings but clearly the wrong thing to do.  In other situations, I wish I'd have been attentive to my feelings and recognized that they wanted to share yet couldn't find the courage to speak what wasn't said - I often recognize that there was an unspoken message ten minutes to a few hours later.  "What was I thinking?"  I expect that I was thinking about me and my interests - "It's all about you."

Does the Spirit of God stir up our feelings and provoke our mind towards His will?  When we're right with God, I expect that there's a flow of His goodness that's channeled through our life like a calm river that flows, smooth, and deep.

The Saint Lawrence Seaway

The Saint Lawrence Seaway is a series of locks, canals, and channels that allows ships to float from the Atlantic to as far as Duluth, MN.  In 1959, A hydropower project, a series of electricity producing dams, increased the depth to enable big ships to navigate the route.   The "river" is up to 250' feet deep in some places.  The project required cooperation between Canada and the United States.  It runs deep and generates power.

Might the only church in town be a bit like the Saint Limerence Seaway?   Deep flowing waters generating power - humans cooperating to channel and work out the power of God?

Just for today...

"We soon discover that our willingness to help others has an immediate and beneficent reaction on us . . . The giver is only a channel for the gifts he has received from God. He cannot hoard or withhold them without blocking the channel."  One Day at a Time (p. 288)

"Much of what I find wrong in my life is related to my opinions - that is, my prejudices, assumptions, self-righteousness stances, and attitudes . . . Reality proves me wrong. I also revert to the idea that ignoring my feelings is practical, even desirable . . . It is no easy task to change the thinking of a lifetime, even when I am sure that I want to change."  Courage to Change (p. 288)

October 3rd - Self awareness and feelings

The story...

"Why did I do that? . . . Why do I make so many mistakes? . . . Why didn't I do that good thing? . . . Why am I not motivated to take action? . . . Why did they reject me? . . . Why didn't I complete my assignment? . . . Why didn't I speak up? . . . Why didn't I keep my mouth shut and listen? . . . Why can't I be like them?"   

Self awareness is a good thing - some say it's what makes us human.  Thinking about thinking allows us to grow, adapt, improve and even survive.  Yet, wrong self thinking can lead us into self-defeating spirals that take us down rat holes where precious life can be wasted.

WSJ 09/09/23 (p. C1)

Similarly, we can dwell on our feeling in unproductive ways.  Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey did a good job in their article, "The Power to Decide How You Feel," of describing how we might: be more aware of our thoughts and feelings, decide what's true about them, take action when needed, and then disposition them for what they really are -  "...understanding that emotions are signals to your conscious brain that something is going on that requires your attention and action."  Feelings can be a wonderful sensing mechanism that our self-aware mind can use to further understand reality to better both act and be.  "I am not this anger. It will not manage me or make my decisions for me."

The only church in town will shine the Light of God on what's truly valuable and lasting - stuff we can't hold in our hands. 

Just for today...

"I will spend more time with myself in this lifetime than with anyone else. Let me learn to be the kind of person I would like to have as a friend."  Courage to Change (p. 277)

"I tried to manipulate and control everybody in my life to change the shape of their personalities to suit mine. I even attended workshops so I could make changes happen . . . Instead of spending time with people and situations where I don't fit, I can look for ones that I do."  Hope for Today (p. 277)

"Chronic stress often leads to maladaptive coping mechanisms in modern life. These include the misuse of drugs and alcohol, rumination on the sources of stress, self-harm, and self-blaming. These responses don't just fail to provide long-term relief they can further compound your problems through addiction, depression, and increased anxiety. What these coping techniques do is try to change the outside world - at least as you perceive it."  Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey, "The Power to Decide How You Feel" Wall Street Journal, 9/09-10/23 (p. C1).

July 11th - Even if...

The story...

I regret the times that my emotions got the better of me and I reacted quickly by lashing out at other people.  I treated my band director with public disrespect, I hit one fellow student in the face with a textbook, I threw an ice-cream boat in the face of another, I went on two different long tirades condemning people for their wrongs toward someone I cared deeply for, I yelled at a co-worker in the middle of the office...   I might have let them be and focused on my role in the situation - actually being a better character in the story of life.  I wish these events didn't happen but they did.

Gary has to answer the question "whose your daddy?"  It's not hard to imagine the emotions that're swirling around Gary's head.  Yet, he suppresses those emotions and begins a path that stretches and grows him towards a bigger and better life.  Gary's friend "Dean Martin" stands firm and refuses to grow - he misses out.

"Whose your daddy Gary?"

Will I be okay today even if this or that happens?  Will I treat others with love and respect even if they...?  Am I okay no matter what?  

I'll have emotional responses to the hard happenings that come my way; yet, I can choose how I respond or react.  It does take practice to delay my response from those emotional triggers.  Some say that feelings last no more than 90 seconds yet we can keep restimulating them with our thought patterns.  Oh... the perils of obsessive thinking.

The only church in town will witness each person growing throughout their lives.  I hope that the people will actually "be" who they are in Christ rather than "try" to be good people.  The heat of the battles of life seem to expose who we are.  The Sprit of God and an ongoing relationship with God transforms people.

Just for today...

Why not trade the worrisome thoughts of "what if" with "even if?"

"When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred."  Thomas Jefferson

June 22nd - Peace = Freedom from the cares of this world?

The story...

My mother is currently struggling through the last stage of life.  She has trouble standing, turning, and remembering things that link her to this current life.  She's going to say goodbye to this life and hello to the next soon.  I love my momma, yet pray that today will be the day that God receives her into His hand.  She worked out her part in the story of life.

A new life yet to be written

As my momma's son, my soul is quiet.  The quietness was strange at first yet now seems normal.  I'm not sensing related feelings of: happiness, fearfulness, sadness, anger, shame or guilt.  My mind questions what my role should be during these last days yet it also seems quiet.  It's possible that this is God given peace - I do feel right, balanced, hopeful and prepared.

I previously posted the following bible verse on this blog - it's the verse that offers me the most hope.

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13 (NASB)  

It seems that joy is a God given state of well being, thankfulness and appreciation.  Might peace be a release from the cares of the world?  What a wonderful wish of hope from the Apostle Paul to these believers in Rome whom he hadn't met.

People would experience hope, joy and peace within the only church in town.  Oh that God would continually fill me with His power to face life's circumstances with active hope.

Just for today...

"When I blamed others for how I felt, I was giving them power over my feelings, power that rightly belonged to me.  Nobody can make me feel anything without my consent."  Courage to Change (p. 174)

May 27th - Tad Sad Today

The story...

I've felt a bit sad over the past few days.  As I write this letter, I miss a loved one who is usually near. I've been more deeply considering the passion week, and a person that I care for shared turmoil that they're working through, I feel distant from my groups, and I recognize the fallacy of my current pattern of focusing on things and experiences for happiness.  I've an underlying feeling of sadness.  The sadness is real - it's a thing.  This sadness and peace don't go together.

My sad feelings experienced over time are inputs that help me wake up to reality.  I've acknowledged my sadness and shared the feeling with two other people who care about me.  Right now, I see my shadow on the wall from the early morning sun.  I feel like I might be entering into a new season - goodbye to the old and hello to the new.  I feel like the sadness may have reintroduced me to a new season of joy and peace.

The only church in town would celebrate the resurrection of their Lord and Savior this week.  They'd be confronting most important truths about their God and themselves - what wonderful experiences and eternal truths shared, and worked out into reality, together. 

Yes, I write the first draft of these blog postings a few weeks before they actually see the light of day.   Like the feeling of sadness needs time to be more fully understood and worked out - I enjoy the editing process of my blog messages.  These stories retold have been helpful for me - praise God in Christ.

Just for today...

Are you feeling: happy, fearful, sad, angry, shameful, or guilty?   What's true about them?  Please don't be too quick to dismiss the reality of the truths you might be feeling.  Maybe they're telling you that there's a better way - a way of peace, rest, and joy.

April 24th - Judged and Rejected

The story...

In the early 1990s, a friend of mine shared an experiment that he tried - he was shocked at the results.  He was a big burly sort of guy who sang in his church choir.  He wore a magnetically attached earring on his left ear lobe one Sunday.  The behaviors and feelings that were overtly expressed by the group were strong and directed towards him.  He was rejected by the group without any words being shared.  I was fascinated by the story so I naively decided to give it a try myself.

I set up the scenario by bemoaning that I needed a change in my life for a few days.  Then I went to the mall with my young son and bought the magnetic earring.  I couldn't lie to my son so he was in on it.  When I walked into the door, the one who loves me most was shocked, doubted the reality, shocked again, doubted the reality again, and then finally, yet reluctantly, accepted this new change.  They were bruised when they realized it was fake and that I'd put them through the emotional anguish.

It was a different story with my siblings and parents.  I later regretted "trying" the same experiment on them.  My mother accepted it right away yet expressed worry about how other family members would react.  My brother curled up in a ball on the couch and rocked back and forth in disbelief.  I don't remember how my sisters reacted yet I think that they decided to wait it out.  My dad fully rejected me and indirectly shared a story about what happened to people like that in the Navy.  I was judged differently by different people.  Would I try an experiment like this again?  No, it wasn't fair to me or for them. I'd rather read about somebody else's experiment - it hurt all of us.

I'm hoping that the only church in town would welcome the whole community.  Oh, if those who were invited to enter the doors could feel the love of God expressed through those who are His...

Just for today...

"I must guard against judging others by my standards.  It means examining and improving those standards and living up to them myself."  One Day at a Time (p. 115)

April 23rd - Feelings

The story...

The songwriter must feel a sort of onus when they copyright a song with a title that's a word that means so much.  Morris Albert's 1975 song "Feelings" is one of those songs.  I'm glad that Morris' song was done well - you can feel it.

Thank you Ivan and Morris - well done.

Sure, the song was overplayed on the radio - many people complained about it.  Yet, I expect that the underlying problem is that people often don't know what to do with their feelings.  As you probably know, many people suppress them and have a difficult time acknowledging or expressing them.  It might start with that one real-strong feeling that you held back and buried.

Why not do periodic feeling checkups?  Are you feeling happy, fearful, sad, angry, shameful, or guilty?  If so, why?  Feelings are wonderful human sensing mechanisms that can help us better understand and more fully engage in life - kind of like a latent super hero's power.  With practice, we don't have to quickly react to them or hang onto them too long.  My 1992 T-group experience was formative for my emotional awareness - it provided evidence that we can be more emotionally intelligent and thereby live more fully - more in tune with what's going on.

Yes, the only church in town would have places, or groups, where congregants might work out their life more fully - appreciated for being the uniquely gifted person that we all are.  We're created in the image of God with feelings.

Just for today...

"As long as I kept them trapped inside me, my feelings were painful and poisonous secrets.  When I let them out, they became expressions of my vitality."  Courage to Change (p. 116)

"Just as prayer is my way of talking with God, meditation is my way of listening for direction."  Hope for Today (p. 116)

March 17th - "Live and Let Live"

The story...

"Live and let live" is a life giving saying that suggests that we mind our own business and allow others the dignity and respect to live their own lives.  This frees us up from the burdens of "trying" to live out other people's lives - a burden that was never ours to carry.

My house has a deck out back with floodlights mounted under the eave.  I enjoy working there when the weather's nice - the floodlight above my head.  In the spring, invariably, a robin will attempt to build a nest above the flood light.  It was my habit to remove the nest, in various stages of build, three or even four times, before they gave up and moved elsewhere.  In 2021, I chose to practice "live and let live" and accommodate the robin.  I moved my "work" chair and endured the momma's chirping as she instinctually protected her chicks.  We even replanned gatherings that'd need the deck space.  Embarrassingly, I bragged about this good deed to all who would listen - "oh... what a proud man I can be."  One day, when the chicks were about ready to leave the nest, I witnessed a barred owl swoop down to the nest and swallow all the chicks.  My emotions ran deep.

What's the moral of the story?  Kill the barred owls!  Please don't, I love 'em.  Two of them are hooting "who cooks for you" as I write.  Do you "live and let live" at the risk of hurt and pain?  For me, I'll continue to "live and let live" but I'm also going to remove even the first twig from that lamp - I know better.  The barred owls in the woods are real.

Would the people of the only church in town be allowed the freedom to live out their own lives with dignity and respect?  I hope the answer is yes. Surely, we all need to be heard and  occasionally helped along our way.  Yet the risk of allowing people the freedom to live out their own lives is worth it.  Who knows what might happen as God works through the people of the only church in town.

Just for today...

"Before anyone else can pick up the ball, I need to be willing to drop it."   Hope for Today (p. 77)

"Difficult situations often bring out qualities in us that otherwise might not have risen to the surface, such as courage, faith, and our need for one another." Courage to Change (p. 77)

March 10th - Everybody singing

The story...

The scene was from the risers in my seventh-grade choir room.  The leader said: "Rommel, you don't sing as good as you think you do."  I was crushed and have generally avoided public singing since then.  I don't recall ever hearing a recording of my singing.  I do sing praise and worship songs in church and sing along to the songs I like.  

There was a day I sang, "a Capella", in front of a large group of people.  I sang part of  Neil Young's "Love is a Rose" at my daughter's wedding.  Sure, I planned and practiced what I'd say and sing.  Yet, I sang somewhat naturally from a heart that was spilling over with love for my daughter and her marriage.  She grew to be independent, capable, and developed many friendships.  Now she was committing to live her life out with a very good man.  It was joyful day.  Our friendship continues to grow as we share more of the reality of our true selves and our life stories.

It's an only church in town dream where everybody's praising and worshipping together. Praising God for what He has done and worshipping Him for Who He is.  Yes, everybody singing with all they've got!

Just for today...

"Sing a Song" Julie Andrews and the Muppets (1980)

"Wonderful things can happen today because I welcome the thrill of participating in my own life."  Courage to Change (p. 70)

"Sing for joy; Anxiety flees - Love us both; Joy abounds."  Am I a Poet?