June 23rd - Being Honest with Me

The story...

Much of my life was spent trying to change me in ways that'd: satisfy my ego; protect me from harm; experience love; feed my economic engine; provide me with comfortable stuff; get along with others; or to scratch that "itch."  Maybe I could've worked out that plan without the power of God if circumstances and random variables would've gone my way?  

I remember hearing that my sin separated me from a relationship with the Creator of all things - I was 7 or 8 years old and I was listening to a loving-old woman tell me this "truth," using a flannelgraph, at a neighbors house.  She asked if anybody wanted to come up front and receive God's gift of forgiveness and restoration.  I must have recognized the "iniquity" in my life - my heart and mind wanting good yet behaving differently.  I was the sole hearer to come up to the front to make a profession of faith.  It may've been a divine appointment.  What actually happened there is both mysterious and wonderful - the trajectory of my life changed.

The flannelgraph told "The" story in a more colorful way

I experienced the fleeting pleasures of sin yet attempted to serve even as an "Acolyte" lighting candles in church.  At 15, I made a promise to God that I'd serve him if he saved me from a predicament.  At 21, I felt brokenness and earnestly read the four Gospels during the summer of 1980.  I was surprised to hear who Jesus the Christ was.  I ask my Mom: "Why didn't anyone tell me this before?"  My mom replied something like: "Oh you heard all those stories in church and Sunday school..."  God took the reins of my life thereafter and seemed to have orchestrated my life as though I was living out a role in some sort of play - I did my part and things seemed to work their way out.

My personal book of life records: hope, faith, drifting, achievement, disappointment, joy, success, failure, love, hurt, friendships, and an increasingly closer walk/relationship with my Creator.  I've experienced much through the grace of God - I'm so thankful for all of my life experiences.  He drew me closer and closer to Him and my capacity to love God, myself, and others has grown too.  I stand thankful for my faith in God - right with Him in Christ - the Bible told me so. 

Just for today...

"The courage to be honest with ourselves is one quality we can cultivate to help our spiritual growth."  Courage to Change (p. 175)

Stewart, J. S. (1935). A man in Christ: The vital elements of St. Paul’s religion. 

"We're all different; Want the same - Wanna please; Know our name."
"Give up trying; Right with Him - Quietly fruitful;  Freed from sin."    Am I a Poet?

May 25th - Honestly?

The story...

Most would say I'm an honest person by nature - a guy who sometimes would be better off keeping his honest ideas to himself.  My family seemed to value integrity and honesty; yet, I think that we may've been more true to the ideal rather than reality - "put your best foot forward."  I remember my mother saying as she got ready to go to town.  She'd suck in her gut to look her very best into the mirror.  I'd say: "You know that you don't really look like that when you walk out the door"  and she'd say something like: "It doesn't hurt to think your best before...."

What if you don't fit in with the group?  Should you modify your manner, interests, and behaviors to fit in?   What if those in the group frequently respond with fake laughs to most things that're said - do you go along with it to demonstrate unity and likeability?  Do you do what the group does because you want to remain as part of the group?  When this type of behavior occurs, the group can believe that everybody thinks the same way they do - the False Consensus Effect.  They might reject you for thinking and behaving differently and classify you as being defective in some way.  Oh... the evils of "group think."

So, I've learned to keep opinions to myself or to have no opinion at all - let 'em be and show respect for them as they are.  That doesn't mean I have to engage in their common behavior - I've the right to respectfully say no without a need to justify my position.  I can be me and let 'em be too.  They're different from me, their story's different from mine, and they're in a different stage of life than I am.

Honest Abe

I hope that the only church in town would be a place where people are safe to be honest within the reality of their relationship with God.   The motives are plentiful for wanting to make false claims about this most valued relationship.  Oh to know God and allow Him to shine light on the reality of your faith in Him - let Him have His way as you abide in Christ.  Please don't try to be somebody you aren't.  

Just for today...

"Today it is important for me to be in an environment in which honesty is practiced.  I don't necessarily launch into a detailed description of my woes or my joys - that isn't always desirable or appropriate - but when asked how I'm doing , I try to ask myself what the real answer is."  Courage to Change (p. 146)

"To make good choices, I must develop a mature and prudent understanding of myself that will reveal to me my real motives and intentions."  Thomas Merton: No Man is an Island

"Who are you; Who, who . . . who who - I really wanna know; Tell me who are you." 🎵
"Learning me; Every day - I'm okay; I truly say."    Am I a Poet?

May 17th - Be Yourself - Alive Today

The story...

About sixty guys lived on my dorm floor.  There were about sixty girls who lived on each girl's floor too.  There was a type of guy who was noticed and included in the groups that I wanted to be a part of.  So, I wore similar clothes, went to the right places, performed the same rituals, and suffered along the way.

One term, my roommate and I decided to "buck the system" - rebel.  We wore t-shirts, bibs, and tennis shoes without socks.  We piled our dirty clothes on the couch yet friends still crowded in our room to hang out.  Although we were being rebels of a sort, new social norms were being established - others started to behave like us.  I'm glad we cleaned up the next term.  It was fun but it was no place to stay.

Living vicariously means living life through another person.  It seems like most people do it yet it often leads to stress and unhappiness.  Put on a mask, play a role, try to fit it, be part of the group, please people, and possibly idolize the leader.  A better way is to be yourself already.  Live in the present with an honest appreciation of you.  Why not appreciate the joys of being alive today as we truly are?

George idolizes Tony

The people in the only church in town would work out their own faith together.  The group relationships will be important towards their growth, yet their most important relationship will be between them and God.  Their wise pastor would recognize the pitfalls of being idolized - the group living vicariously through his life of faith.  He would, succinctly and directly, point them back to their true Savior lest he begin to enjoy being treated as a type of little god or even a sort of doted pet.

Just for today...

"While growing up I had used denial to block myself from feeling pain, which also blocked me from experiencing pleasure."  Hope for Today (p. 138)

"... if I concentrate on being right here, right now, I know that I am fine . . . Let me make today the most fully alive day I have ever experienced." Courage to Change (p. 138)

"You seem good; I can see - Mimic you; Lose me."    Am I a Poet?

May 5th - Limitations

The story...

If I'm honest with reality and the limited control that I have; then, I may experience humility.  The need to work out life best, in a humble way, reminds me of a quote from the Dirty Harry movie Magnum Force: "a man's got to know his limitations."

Does being humble include being honest with our limitations and bowing our hearts and minds in awe of our Creator and God?  Yes, a humble and honest life walk sits well with me.

I hope that the people of the only church in town don't build their faith based on the quality of their leader - often the pastor.  The pastor's under the curse, the law of sin and death, just like you.  Yet, all who attend the only church in town would hear him preach the good news.  "That Than Which There is No Greater" offers our all-powerful redeemer - His only begotten Son.  I'm glad that He's my redeemer and that I don't have to rely on me or the possibility of a helpful and capable guy like "Dirty Harry."

Just for today...

"I begin  to learn humility when I take the first step.  By admitting I am powerless, I make room for the possibility that a Power greater than myself can do all those things that are beyond my reach."  Courage to Change (p. 126)

"Young men aim; High and lofty - Keep on trying; Not a softy."
"Life is harsh; Some pretend - I've got this;  Never'll end."
"Storms speak harshly; Pretend anew - Gather likeminded; Why so blue?"
"Trust not try; Faith's the way - He finds peace; We're okay."     Am I a Poet?

April 1st - The Critic

The story...

What's true about that acute or overt criticism that I receive?  A wise person told me that criticism often has an element of truth in it - the wise man values criticism for what he might discover.  The "feedback" may be a truth, or perception, that we're blind to, ignored, or minimized.  Honest introspection can discover fine pearls.  The pearl may be hidden and require you to pry open the shell, take it out, assess the value, and then decide what to do with it.

It's likely harder for a person, who stores deep-felt emotions such as shame and guilt, to truly listen.  It's easier to criticize the message sender and discredit the message than humbly consider it's validity.  

I wish I'd never criticized a preacher - especially in front of my children.  Rather, I wish I'd have developed closer relationships with them so that we both might've grown together - even through infrequent constructive criticism.

I expect the only church in town would have  a preacher and leaders who model wise behavior.  For me, being open to receiving criticism is part of continual growth in both me and my relationships too - fine pearls. 

Just for today...

"The contented, well adjusted person has no need to look for flaws in others . . . criticism has the effect of pushing love right out of the picture. This in turn, leads us to feeling sorry for ourselves because people do not respond to us as we would like them to."  One Day at a Time (p. 92)

"Dig here; Map speaks - Crusty rock; Hidden gem."   Am I a Poet?

February 19th - But he doesn't know the territory

The story...

PBS television shows, shot in olde England as the backdrop, are compelling for me.  The language, vernacular, customs, figures of speech, and steering wheel side are different; yet, similar to what I'm used to.  It'd be comfortable there but I expect I'd be attentive and curious about the differences.  It'd be great to to tour London and even slog through those really-old hiking trails west of London for a week or so.  I'm told those old trails pass through castles, Roman ruins, and farmer's fields too.  I'm learning about the territory yet it's not reasonable to claim to know the territory.  Even if I complete a trip, I won't know the territory as well as someone who actually lives their life there.  The idea reminds me of a song from the 1962 film "The Music Man" that was set in River City, Iowa - "but he doesn't know the territory."  

The Music Man - 1962

Professor Harold Hill is the lead character who sells the small town on the idea of the "think" system for playing musical instruments. He's a flim-flam man that bilks the town out of money for new band instruments and uniforms - he had no ability to teach them to play music.  He teaches them to hum the "Minuet in G" as part of a thinking process that will supposedly lead them to play their shiny instruments without instruction.  In reality, he's stalling until he receives the money and jumps on the train out of town.  The librarian is the only person in town who actually understands music.  She's torn between the reality of the flim-flam man and the wonderful imagined reality that the town's bought into - they're happier and more hopeful following the charlatan.  She also falls in love with both the vision and the man too - to err is human.

How will the only church in town escape the trap of trusting in the charismatic pastor rather than their God?  Who would want to remain in a "imaginary" condition living the same-old life?  The Word of God speaks of the reality of being in Christ - the relationship that actually bears God-given fruit.  Once heard, believed, and experienced; they'll be tapped into the vine that produces the kind of fruit that the whole community will be blessed through.  Why would a man trust a charismatic man rather than his all-powerful Creator?

Just for today...

"None of us sees the world as it is but as we are, as our frame of reference, or maps, define the territory."  Stephen Covey

"The only way to release ourselves from the hold of those dark demons is to break the isolation and bring them into the light by sharing with others who understand."  Hope for Today (p. 50)

"I follow him; his shoes really shine - I wanna follow Him; self blocks my view."   Am I a Poet?

February 14th - Mask wearing

 The story...

Once upon a time, I was assigned the responsibility to lead a group of about twelve high-school teenagers.  I facilitated an open first session to find out what topics were most important to them - they didn't know.  I walked out of the room discouraged.  Then, I bumped into a college professor - I eventually described my class topic dilemma to him.  He suggested we focus on the book TrueFaced (1995) that he previously used with similar, yet older, group.  The book's main idea was that people often walk through life acting out different roles to cover up their true selves - it's like they have a mask at hand for each occasion.  I did use the material with the class and I remember that the ideas "resonated" well.  My favorite quote is: "I prefer that you be who I want you to be rather than who you are, if it's all the same to you." (TrueFaced, p. 32).

The book TrueFaced Experience Guide (pp. 33,34) listed six masking behaviors that you may relate to:

• I become highly sensitized to my own sin and judge the sin of others.
• I lose my objectivity in a crisis and I become the issue.
• I hide my sinful behavior and become more vulnerable to sin.
• I am unable to be loved or to love.
• I become susceptible to wrong life choices.
• I attempt to control others.

Group think and the desire to please others can lead us into acting out a part wearing our own mask(s). After we act out a role long enough, might we forget who we are and where we're going?

The only church in town has a loving graceful message.  It'll be safe enough for truth tellers.  Within a loving environment like that, you may be accepted as you are.   Freedom is a wonderful thing.

Just for today...

"'Just trust me?' is the last thing you want to hear when you have already carefully concluded that no one can be trusted ... except yourself."  TrueFaced Experience Guide (p. 44) 

"We look very impressive - we have learned to package our techniques well - but our self-effort keeps us self-centered and immature . . . Because we are constantly pursuing power and authority, and manipulating to gain control, God can never release us into our future . . . Our relational sadness, our inability to be loved, our festering wounds and broken relationships freeze us in immaturity."  TrueFaced Experience Guide (p. 145)

"My thoughts and heart; wanna act well - My self drives me, down iniquity's crooked path."  Am I a Poet

February 13th - But we don't have to go anymore...

The story...

I moved to Duluth, MN, for one year, on a teaching assignment - yes, I've been a teacher.  UMD welcomed me; the students asked me to join them in the stuff that students like to do; the church pulled me into their family; and I lived in a small apartment.  One morning, the apartment manager asked me where I was going on the past Sunday morning.  I told her that I was walking to church.  She said: "I thought so, I saw you were carrying a bible."  She was perplexed and a bit frustrated - "You're a professor, you don't have family here, and you're free to do whatever you want.  Why would you go to church?  We used to have to do that here; but, not anymore - I'm free to do whatever I want."  I shared how it felt to be pulled into a welcoming church family who invited me into their homes and families.  I even played "broom ball" and fished with some of them - "I feel loved there."  She says: "huh, I might try church again." 

I don't think that the only church in town would spend much time reminiscing about the "good old days" when everybody was expected to go to church and try to behave morally right.  Teach me against my will and I'll be of the same opinion still - and likely continue to behave in ways that are more true to who I truly am deep down inside.  

 

Where the story played

Just for today...

"I tried to get God to listen to me through my prayers.  He did, once I stopped telling Him what to do."  Hope for Today (p.44)

"I didn't like myself because I wasn't living up to what I believed to be true about others."  Courage to Change (p. 44)

"Get yer own way, Yer stuck with you; Love together, We're a powerful force."  Am I a Poet?

January 21st - Who's your daddy?

The story...

Thankfully, my back surgeon recommended Celebrex, epidural steroid injections and therapy, rather than surgery.  I hoped to return my body to a more normal "I can go an do what I want to" state.   The Celebrex worked as expected, the injection process was relatively easy with questionable benefits, and the therapy was a real surprise.

"What physical therapist would you recommend in my home town?"  They didn't have a recommendation - they gave me a prescription for either four or six weeks and said we'll meet again in four months.  I took a look at the therapy room in the Aquatic Center, where I'd been swimming for about two months, and scheduled an appointment with the only therapist there.  

After meeting with the young-woman therapist for two weeks, my interactions and results surpassed my expectations.  I didn't choose her, I chose the location and facility.  I trusted her and did, pretty much, everything she told me to do.  "We" worked on limitations that affected me throughout most of my life.  I was so optimistic - "Yahoo!"

If I were to have selected a therapist from a candidate lineup, I likely wouldn't have selected her.  I might've looked at age, sex, height, personality, education, experience...   I'm so thankful that I came in with a need, was honest in every interaction, sought to understand before being understood, listened to her diagnosis rather than my own related thoughts, and trusted her.  Yes, I didn't want to be naive; so I tested her a couple of times and each time her response confirmed that she was capable and had my best interest at heart.  She's a human with limited understanding but I relied on her to get better.  She sought to understand me better and set expectations of a sustainable solution that might work with my habits, preferences, life style, and hopes for the future.

Whose your daddy?

I especially liked her direct style of communication and therapy interventions during our 1/2 hour appointments.  She appeared to be committed to helping me regardless of my responses and peculiarities.  I'm so... thankful for her.  Maybe, when I grow up, I can be more like her? 😊

The only church in town's object of faith will be their Messiah, their Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ whose great sacrificial work provides the way to a righteous relationship with God our Creator and Redeemer.  There's a lot packed into that sentence.  Why not go to the only church in town and learn more about what's really going on within the rest of your life and eternity too?

Just for today...

"It is only by taking offense at what others do that I will be afflicted with resentment. If I feel that what I am doing is right, I will not be dependent on the admiration or applause of others."  One Day at a Time (p. 21)

"I could never tell the difference between what was and was not my business. I felt I had to take care of everyone around me until I couldn't stand it any more."  Courage to Change (p. 21)

January 20th - Do I unconsciously hurt myself?

The story...

I was driving home from work and saw a boy crash his bike rather badly on the sidewalk.  I felt a strong need to stop and help him but I didn't.  Strangely, my conscience stung and my inner-man hurt by not coming to the aide of another person who was hurting.  In what other ways might I be unconsciously hurting myself?  

When I obsessively think - I hurt myself.   When I neglect to tell another what's on my heart - I hurt myself.  When I'm so comfortable with what I already know, or believe, to the point of no longer being curious - I hurt myself.  When I ignore a person who looks my way - I hurt myself.  When I stay in my La-Z-Boy recliner instead of going and doing - I hurt myself.  When I don't listen to understand those who might help my physical or mental health - I hurt myself.  When I develop routines and a schedule that doesn't allow for me to care for others  - I hurt myself.  When I neglect relationships - I hurt myself.  When I ask for seconds on a food serving that'll likely contribute to poorer health - I hurt myself.  When I'm not thankful and content - I hurt myself.  When I don't love me or my neighbor - I hurt myself.  When I'm not quiet and listening within my relationship with God in Christ - I hurt myself.  When I'm not truthful about me - I hurt myself.

So, why do I hurt myself?  The cause is likely something to do with my being a self-centered pleasure seeker by nature.  Yes, I hurt myself when I indulge in my self-focused promotion and selfishness.  The only church in town will share God's solution that promises real freedom from the tyrannical leadership of self - they call it the Gospel truth.  

Just for today...

"I cannot hurt others without hurting myself."  One Day at a Time (p. 20)

"Anger is the punishment we give ourselves for someone else’s mistake.”  Unknown

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1 (NASB)

January 4th - My thinking propels me towards...

The story...

In 1983, I wanted a 1976, Volvo 240.  I researched, stared at the photos, imagined what it would be like to own one, and was convinced that it was the best possible car I could afford.  I sought it out and found it for sale from an ex-U of M football player.  I even ignored the guys wife asking: "do you like to work on cars?" The only part of the car that was good was my admiring how good my wife looked driving it home - that first day.

Where does my thinker want to send me?  My self-absorbed nature wants to take me towards comfort, praise, security, affirming group-think, competition, awards, legacy, pleasure, and admiration as I gaze into the mirror.  My spirit desires a loving and right relationship with my Creator, the giving and receiving of love from others, honest and open relationships with close friends, continuing growth within my community, and the fruit of the indwelling Spirit of God being born without my trying to produce them.  The different types of fruit from the Spirit may be found in Galatians 5:22-24.

A wise man knows where to go and how to get there.  First, he's gotta know where he is and what state is most desirable.  That means he's got to know what condition his condition is in.  He knows that he doesn't know what he doesn't know so he seeks the truth.  How will I know if and when my thinking patterns are aiming and propelling me to a destination where I don't wanna go?

The only church in town will introduce people to the Word of God and how they might develop a saving, active, and eternal loving relationship with their Creator, their Sustainer, in Christ.  God's Spirit will produce fruit within the lives of those who are His - the evidence of the "good life" that you may be unaware of, seeking or enjoying.  Why not come to God's table, enjoy the good stuff, and share it with others?  I hope that you don't try to satisfy yourself by merely hoping for it, reading about it, trying to do it on your own, or admiring it worked out within other people's lives.

Just for today...

"My own way of thinking deceives me. I can see but a little way."  One Day at a Time (p. 4)

"When I admit that my life is unmanageable, I don't admit that I am a bad person. In my attempts to maintain the delusion of exercising power where I am powerless, my life has become disorderly."  Hope for Today (p. 4)

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,"  Galatians 5:22-24 (NASB)

December 29th - Plant your foot solidly and securely

 The story...

My feet had bunions, tight tendons connecting my toes, and almost no arch.  To make matters more challenging, one of my legs was/is about 1/4" longer.  Some of these limitations, and those partially caused by them, were corrected by surgery.  These changes allowed me to move more stably.

It feels good and right to plant your foot - the rest of your body parts, including the lumbar region of my spine, rely on that firm footing.  My lower back is currently impinging my spinal cord which is sending nerve impulses to my brain which I interpret as negative and painful.  Those "pain" signals trigger unwanted reactions, thoughts, and changes in my behavior.  I wanna be better.

The following article is from the 12/26/23 edition of the Wall Street Journal.  It claims that I might change my perception of some of the nerve signals that originate from my pinched spinal cord.  "The cause is brain sensitization rather than physical injury . . . verbally reappraising the sensations as a false alarm and noting it so that it's not considered threatening or painful."  Yes, I can live a better life by more accurately sensing, perceiving, and acting on reality.  That makes sense to me and seems like right thinking - in response, I'm planning on reappraising my nerve signals. I'll give it a try in reality.

Within the only church in town you'll learn the value of placing your step solidly within God's will. That firmer foundation allows for sustainable growth centered and planted in reality - the seen and the unseen.  I'm not talking about an imaginary world where a group all agrees in a sort of blind hope - It's about real relationships and better lives worked out together in the Light of God's revealed Word.  It's the place to be - fruit bearing along the way.

Just for today...

"Did I demand to much? Am I being confronted with a natural reprisal for my rigid, uncompromising attitude? . . . If we hurt someone or demanded to much of them, swift retribution may dismay or infuriate us . . . I may feel ever so justified in "taking a stand," but let me consider whether it was something I did that led to the crisis."  One Day at a Time (p. 364)

November 19th - Am I a good actor or character in this game of life?

The story...

My career may've chose me - I practiced the habits, and developed the personality, to explain my perspective and win agreement.  My work practices, tools, and change management success carried over into other areas of my life too.  I became more: illustrative; flamboyant in my story telling; better at painting commonly-understood mental images; succinct in posing the right question(s); and consistent in behaving according to my expected behavior.  Sometimes, the desired perspectives were those of the organization that I was part of and not necessarily my own.

The burden of working out my life, wearing different hats, took its toll.  The incongruity between my inner-man and the roles that I accepted was bothersome - dissatisfaction with parts of life.  My life was not characterized as peaceful - more like a never ending quest to model good behavior - be the best that I could be - measure up.  So, I planned the long and arduous process of earning my PhD - "then life would be great."  It was a good life change completed over 10 years and experienced over another 10 years.  I learned and grew much through my studies, research, dialog, enlarged mental models, building onto and protecting my share of the body of knowledge, teaching, and mentoring.  Yet, my inner-man needed something more.

A period of brokenness helped me wake up and see my strife and struggles more clearly - I needed help.  I accepted an offer for help and joined others who were also more-honestly becoming better people.  The lessons learned and applied were wonderful - I truly love(d) all those people that I grew with.  My life became more congruent, peaceful, restful, thankful, engaging, and honest too.

The only church in town will be a place where you'll hear about a better way to be.  You'll, meet those who are growing in a similar way and stage of life.  Over time, a few of those people may even become truly good friends who you can openly and honestly grow with.  Friends like that aren't required to live a good life yet I wouldn't give 'em up without a fight.  True, they must be held loosely or it likely isn't true friendship.  Honestly seeking to understand, before being understood, is a good first step toward developing those good friendships.

Just for today...

Do you want to fix them for your own personal comfort or honestly for them?

If you wouldn't want somebody to say "it" to you then don't say "it" to anyone else.

November 9th - Why not ask?

The story...

I didn't get what I wanted and needed because I didn't ask?  Could it be?  Yes it be.

Why not kindly and respectfully ask for what you need or want?  In many cases justification isn't necessary.  Others can express love through meeting your needs if they know what they are.  And, they might reveal their own needs in kind.

The only church in town will be like an honest and thankful family that sees others by the light of God's revealed Word and presence.  They'll express love by caring for each other - that means they'll receive love and accept care too.  That love within their inner-person, their heart, will be expressed within an intimate-ongoing relationship with their Creator - their Sustainer.  That's the kinda graceful place where I wanna be.

Just for today...

"I tried to make them feel guilty by telling them how much I had done for them, or I complained that they never did their part. It never occurred to me that I could simply and politely ask for what I wanted . . . Today I am creating a better way of living, free of guilt and deception."  Courage to Change (p. 314)

"I seldom knew what was good for me, yet I knew what was best for others and didn't hesitate to tell them . . . I feared other people's anger and would do anything to avoid it, yet I was oblivious to my own . . . I can no longer harbor resentment and remain ignorant of my part in creating it . . . My entire life was transformed as a result of taking responsibility for myself, becoming willing to change, and taking action."  Hope for Today (p. 314)

November 6th - Being respectful within community

The story...

If they all jumped off a bridge - would you jump off too?  It's a frustrating truth that people often adapt to the group - try to fit in.   The Asch Conformity experiment confirms this frustrating behavior often exhibited by us humans.  Maybe that's partly why this is one of my favorite jokes - trying to fit in with the group...

Three construction guys are sittin on an I-beam, on top of a tall building project - they're eating their lunch. 
The Italian says: “If I get another pastrami sandwich tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this building.”
The other two guys stare at him for awhile and return to their lunches.

The guy from Ohio says: "If I get another egg-salad sandwich tomorrow, I'm going to jump of this building." The other two guys stare at him for a while and return to their lunches.

The guy from California hesitates, pauses, and says: "If I get another peanut-butter sandwich tomorrow, then . . . I'm going to jump off this building tomorrow too."

The next day the Italian opens up his lunch  box and disgustingly sees the pastrami, he yells "Mamma Mia!," stands up, and jumps to his death.  The other two guys can't believe what's just happened.

The Ohioan opens his box, sees the egg-salad sandwich - he immediately jumps off to his demise too. 

The Californian is now alone, he slowly opens his box to see the peanut-butter sandwich.  He stands up and jumps over the edge like the other two guys.

Three days later at their funerals, the Italian's wife says “I thought he like those pastrami sandwiches - if he only would have told me.”  The Ohioan's wife says “It is all my fault. I thought he loved egg-salad.”  The Californian's wife says “I just don’t get it, he made his own lunches.”

Wikipedia

The only church in town will guard against the perils of group think.  What a sad state it is when people pretend to be somebody they aren't or claims the untrue.  Sure kids are going to want to please their parents.  But, it's especially sad when adults try to please the pastor or those people who are the "Ins."  People will have the freedom to be honest in the respectful environment of the only church in town.

Just for today...

"Boundaries . . . aren't rules I can enforce on others. They are standards of conduct I set for my own benefit . . .  boundaries are a civilizing ingredient in social interaction, a matter of self-respect and respect for others."  Hope for Today (p. 311)

October 13th - Being who you are or who they want you to be?

The story...

There's a guy I know that's experiencing health changes that allows him to be both less inhibited and also less likely to behave as he's expected.  I look forward to meeting him and the community interaction seems much more interesting, vibrant and refreshing, with him - you just don't know what he'll say next.  He's spontaneous and seems to speak from his heart without first passing his thoughts through some filters that he may've refined throughout years of adapting to group codes of acceptable behavior.

People are so much fun when they're more themselves rather than the role the group's assigned to them.  They're certainly better than when they attempt to "act" like the idealized role of who the "best" would be.  This is an argument for casual rather than formal dress within community; yet, there are times when we all do need to agree to be a better version of ourselves for the good of us all.  Formal dress does suggest the group's desire to act and behave according to a standard that might be more desirable and honorable.  "If everybody would just _____ everything would be fine - just like it use to be."

The only church in town would teach about the Body of Christ and the expected uniqueness of each of the members.  Like a body, there are mouths, ears, little-toes, knees, hair follicles, and eyes - each uniquely equipped to serve its role.  The body will not function well without each behaving "just as they are" as opposed to all trying to be like the mouth (1 Cor. 12:12-27).  They'd frequently remind each other of this mystical union that's facilitated and empowered by the Spirit of God - God working out His will amongst and through community.

Just for today...

"Did this behavior get me what I wanted or encourage me to feel good about myself?  When I took a good look, I realized that the answer to the question was 'No.'  Loud, angry words and actions demonstrated my frustration and pushed away all hope for peaceful solutions to my problems . . . Easy does it."  Courage to Change (p. 287)

September 21st - When you find yourself in a hole - quit digging.

The story...

I was waiting in a McDonalds line on the way back from a trip where I was less than a team player.  For whatever reasons, I resented efforts from other people to bend the plans for our two-family trip.  Surely I knew that others had different expectations, perceptions, needs and wants; yet, I seemed to think I knew best for everyone.  I was frustrated with everything about that restaurant and the people who were there too.  It was bad enough that I remember thinking - "this is not okay, you need to be different."  Something had to change - I remember waiting in the line and pondering the situation so it must have been an impactful life moment.  "There's got to be a better way."

How do we know when we're not acting or thinking as a whole person - missing something that we need to make wise decisions?  We might: think wrongly, act selfishly, resent what others did or who they seem to be, know less than necessary, isolate from needed compadres, try to prevent further wounds, focus on pleasing people, be co-dependent on other people, or possibly act separately from the Spirit of God.  As if those reasons aren't enough to pause before acting, the acronym HALT comes to mind - pause if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.

Might the only church in town offer a true message of hope, peace, and joy (Romans 15:13)?  Might a humble, more truthful, life-walk with God be the good life?  Yes...

Just for today...

"Although my life was full of chaos, it was familiar chaos, which gave me the feeling that I had some control over it. This was an illusion."  Courage to Change (p. 265)

"With my thoughts distorted by fear, despair and resentment, and my nerves overwrought, I could not think clearly nor make wise decisions."  One Day at a Time (p. 265)

September 7th - We need leaders who've experienced the way to go.

The story...

A preacher once shared a transformational story with me.  It went like this: He was traveling across country with two other pastors and they were discussing the difference between people knowing about God and actually having a close relationship with Him that's born fruit.  He likened the situation to knowing all about London, his home town, yet never actually experiencing it.  You could know the map and even zoom in on Google images in great detail.  You could know about the key historical events, learn their language, practice their customs, dress like them, and even cook the same food.  Yet, you'd never really know what it's like to live in, and be part of, a particular London neighborhood.

Pastor Henry Hudson

Most of us have spent a lotta time in classrooms learning about things - memorizing facts and understanding how things relate to each other.  We may even feel we've mastered a subject without actually stepping into the territory.  I hope this isn't where people leave their faith journey.

Scripture confirms that God provided a way for us creatures to have an intimate relationship with Him.  The relationship can be so close that we may even refer to Him as daddy - "Abba Father."  People often hear this truth, understand the possibility, and maybe even memorize the verses; yet, they haven't experienced the relationship.  

People attending the only church in town would reasonable expect to witness the power of God actually worked out through the people who are His.  They'd hear about ongoing prayer and meditation being a natural part of that relationship.  They'd experience: love, joy, peace, patience. goodness, kindness, gentleness and self control.  Those who walk honestly and humbly with God would naturally lead in their own unique way.  Yes, the Body of Christ worked out in reality.  Each person witnessing and experiencing faith in God's Word worked out.

Just for today...

"Eventually I felt more comfortable with my abilities and discovered talents I didn't know I had. I even began to feel capable of doing what was asked of me. Before I realized it, I was the one giving loving guidance. It took some time to see, but I had become a leader."  Hope for Today (p. 251)

August 10th - Want to dwell in the past?

The story...

An unexpected life victory occurred during my 64th year of life.  I traveled on my motorcycle to a location where my family annually vacationed together.  In the past, visits like this, would trigger fond memories that I longed and even ached over.   Camping sites, trails, kids doing similar things, and the scene of  that one time long ago. Often, the longing would be linked with a deep feeling of loss - something that I couldn't return to no matter what.  Yet, on this particular visit, I more fully enjoyed the present.  I didn't forget the past memories but I didn't camp with them either - they seemed to help color the present more vibrantly. 

You might be speculating as to whether the loss of those "good ole day" strong feelings is either good or bad.  Yet, if we spent enough time actually understanding each other, I expect we'd agree that living more fully in our present reality is the better way.

Netflix created a beautiful limited TV series called "The Queen's Gambit."  In one scene, Beth says: "I feel safe in an entire world with just 64 squares."  She developed an obsessive compulsion that helped her cope with reoccurring childhood memories.

I hope that people who attend the only church in town, will be compelled, and feel safe enough, to relax their coping skills. In a more rested and peaceful state, they may resist those compelling habits, and open their eyes more fully as to what's really going on.  They might risk putting their chessboard, with it's 64 spaces, back in the box.  Maybe their soul, mind, and spirt will compel them to pack up their campsite and begin walking again on their life journey.  What a wonderful thing to walk, with God, alongside a person who's living life more fully in the present.  That's where God and life are.

Just for today...

"As a child I lived in a fantasy world where to think it so would make it so. Combined with my need for perfectionism and self-control, I believed I could think myself out of reacting emotionally to people and situations.  I carried these misperceptions into adulthood. In my denial, I thought I could make myself not feel anything. I had practiced being tough for a long time."  Hope for Today (p. 223)

"Don't wanna hurt; What to do? - Isolate with me; Away from you."
"Suffer that loneliness; Keeping me out - Suffocating bubble; Complain and pout."
"Ray of Sonshine; Peaks thru cracks - Believe the Truth; We're bustin out!"   Am I a Poet?

August 9th - "If it's all the same with you..."

The story...

It's never the same with me or with you - we're always different.  As the old saying (idiom) goes, the only things we can be certain of are death and taxes.  It's true that we we'll all live out our lives and our bodies will die.  Some seem to die too early while others suffer late into their 90's - we all meet a common fate. Then...

Why do many think that it's a reasonable thing to try to fix, manage, and control others in an effort to experience their imagined "best" life?  Does everybody need to behave the way we'd like them to in order for us to be happy?  Can we all be okay with each other without attempting to mold others into our own vision of what's "best?"  Can we be okay with ourselves when others want us to be different - "if it's all the same with you."

The Dream, Capitalism and Virtue Working Together?

The only church in town will offer dignity and respect to everybody who walks through their doors.  They'd proclaim our being God's creatures who're created differently.  He's sovereignly worked out His way throughout the ages - enjoying a relationship with those whose hearts were/are right with Him.  He enjoys, and is a Father to, each person who walks with Him through faith in Christ.  He provided the means for us all to be right with God - loved just as we are. Grace, grace, wonderful grace...

Just for today...

"Can I express myself today, free of expectations of how others will react?"  Hope for Today (p. 222)

"I was too busy trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be, afraid people wouldn't accept me  the way I am."  Courage to Change (p. 222)

"There are many good reasons to keep myself from harboring resentful thoughts. They can grow into savage attacks on other human beings . . . emotional scars."  One Day at a Time (p. 222)

"We're different; Easy to know - You're an ear; I'm a toe."
"Together a body; Wonderfully made - A toe alone; Will surely fade."    Am I a Poet?