January 11th - Accepted just as I am

The story...

Please read the welcoming statement that I delivered at my mother's memorial service.  The service was scheduled for Saturday, January 13th, at 2:00pm.

"Welcome to this service where we will be honoring and celebrating the life of our mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and friend.  Each of our relationships with her was different yet she significantly affected us all.  We’ll all have a chance to share our own experiences either within the service or with each other.  For me, a momma’s boy, she showed a loving sort of grace throughout all my comings and goings.  She was the only person, with skin on ‘em, that loved me no matter what.  Even when she didn’t like what I was doing or saying, I could get up close, smile, stare into her pupils, kiss her hand, and spread my arms out wide and she would drop her airs, smile and we were okay together.  I witnessed grace consistently, only from my momma.  I mean no disrespect to any of you who love me - it was just different with my Mother.  With everybody else, it’s been kind of conditional.  And today we’ll be praising God for the grace that was extended to my Momma, by God, through the great work of Christ when He shed his blood for the forgiveness of our sins that once separated us from God.  Her faith rested in God and not in herself - in the last years she prayed frequently for His help to endure a struggle like standing up from a chair.  That’s why I’m wearing this red tie - to remind us of the blood of Christ - the only reason I and you are right with God."

You can find unconditional love within the only church in town - throughout this life and infinity.

"To infinity and beyond!"

Just for today...

"I am accepted just as I am. I never have to pretend, or wear a mask over my feelings . . . In my new family, love is not a point system. I don't have to earn love from others - it's given freely as a gift."  Courage to Change (p. 11)

January 4th - My thinking propels me towards...

The story...

In 1983, I wanted a 1976, Volvo 240.  I researched, stared at the photos, imagined what it would be like to own one, and was convinced that it was the best possible car I could afford.  I sought it out and found it for sale from an ex-U of M football player.  I even ignored the guys wife asking: "do you like to work on cars?" The only part of the car that was good was my admiring how good my wife looked driving it home - that first day.

Where does my thinker want to send me?  My self-absorbed nature wants to take me towards comfort, praise, security, affirming group-think, competition, awards, legacy, pleasure, and admiration as I gaze into the mirror.  My spirit desires a loving and right relationship with my Creator, the giving and receiving of love from others, honest and open relationships with close friends, continuing growth within my community, and the fruit of the indwelling Spirit of God being born without my trying to produce them.  The different types of fruit from the Spirit may be found in Galatians 5:22-24.

A wise man knows where to go and how to get there.  First, he's gotta know where he is and what state is most desirable.  That means he's got to know what condition his condition is in.  He knows that he doesn't know what he doesn't know so he seeks the truth.  How will I know if and when my thinking patterns are aiming and propelling me to a destination where I don't wanna go?

The only church in town will introduce people to the Word of God and how they might develop a saving, active, and eternal loving relationship with their Creator, their Sustainer, in Christ.  God's Spirit will produce fruit within the lives of those who are His - the evidence of the "good life" that you may be unaware of, seeking or enjoying.  Why not come to God's table, enjoy the good stuff, and share it with others?  I hope that you don't try to satisfy yourself by merely hoping for it, reading about it, trying to do it on your own, or admiring it worked out within other people's lives.

Just for today...

"My own way of thinking deceives me. I can see but a little way."  One Day at a Time (p. 4)

"When I admit that my life is unmanageable, I don't admit that I am a bad person. In my attempts to maintain the delusion of exercising power where I am powerless, my life has become disorderly."  Hope for Today (p. 4)

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,"  Galatians 5:22-24 (NASB)

January 2nd - Clarified expectations by God's intervention

The story...

In 1980, I expected to: begin a career as a sales engineer selling industrial robots; marry within a couple years; invest my growing capital in corporations for continual wealth growth; buy a house; drive a convertible; experience adventurous vacations; have four kids; and continue to live out a rebellious sort of ideals - to be free.  In 1981, reality went differently than I expected.  It was as though God pulled, maybe yanked, me in His direction.  What do I believe to be the key points of my life when I believe that God directly intervened?

Here's my take on the key related factual events, listed chronologically by my age:

8.  Walked to front of neighborhood-children-evangelistic meeting and accepted Jesus the Christ as my Savior.

15. Lost and alone in a canoe in the Boundary Waters, MN - in the dark.  I promised to dedicate my life to God if He saved me from my predicament - I saw the light of the campfire less than one minute after making my commitment to Him.

16. Worked every other Sunday and drifted away from attending church services.

18. Fully engaged in a self-absorbed college life and stopped attending church.

22. After a period of brokenness, I read the four gospels and was surprised to learn God's story in Christ - new good news to me. Miraculous auto accident avoidance and three incredibly unlikely personal interactions with those who I now believe to have been directed by the Spirit of God.  Steve and Marlene invite me to church.

23. I move to Knoxville, TN and people directly intervene in my life.  They seem to have been led by Spirit of God.  They lead me to study and believe the Word of God - "be" differently.

26. Dejected by the seemingly unbearable "religious'" expectations demanded of me for living a "Christian" life.  Bill Job explains the grace of God - God works out all that's good and that I was identified with Christ and right with God solely by what Christ did for me.  Our work was to believe both the gospel and His revealed Word.

28. We attend a dispensational church that more correctly interpreted God's provisions for us gentiles -  Pauline theology.  We were fully engaged in bible study and the church.

40. Kid(s) resent being told how to be good by following religious practices and principles.  They expose the difference between what we said and did - they also wanted to be free of religion.  A hyper-grace like message seemed to allow the freedom for us to walk a more "sinful" path while under the protective umbrella of the grace of God.  My prayer life might've revealed the problem.

60. Brokenness again leads me to more honestly assess my life and faith walk.  I develop more honest and close relationships while working out my faith in the Light.  I disengaged from those trying to "run" the church and gave up "trying" to be good.  I gave up attempts to fix, manage, and control other people according to what I thought was best.  Trusted by placing my hopes for me and others in the "hands of God."  My life actually began to "bear" fruit that both I, maybe others too, enjoyed.  

The only church in town will lead you to God through His Word.  They'll direct you to that right relationship with God that can be yours by believing the Gospel truth of what God's already done for you in Christ.  Our work is to believe (John 6:29).

Just for today...

"... it is our expectations, not our loved ones, that have let us down . . . learn to treat our needs as important and appropriate, and to treat ourselves as deserving . . . if we stop insisting that our needs be met according to our will, we might discover that all the love and support we need is already at our fingertips."   Courage to Change (p. 2)

"I will not fall in with . . . craving for punishment to relieve his or her guilt. I will not scold and weep, for it will not overcome the difficulties that we are trapped in . . . I pray that I may stop and think before I do or say anything whatever."  One Day at a Time (p. 2)

"'Look back without staring.' As long as I kept staring at my past without experiencing my feelings about it, I stayed mired in fear, resentment, and self-pity . . . Only after I stopped long enough to feel my anguish, bitterness, and emptiness could I let them go and move ahead."   Hope for Today (p. 2)

December 9th - "I'm good when I'm loved and loving."

The story...

I've often discussed and pontificated on what the good life is and how it might be obtained in reality.  Why not "try" to work out our good-life code each day?  The list of reasons, why not to try, is long and not so distinguished: contrary feelings, secret hopes, distant relationships, jealousy, security needs, physical pain, haunting memories, thoughts of grandeur, whimsical fantasies, failings of others, the next new thing, boredom, discouragement...  I've come to terms with the idea that I'm not naturally good - I need intervention in order to be the "good" man whom I've enjoyed being with on occasions. 

So, when do I find myself good?  I'm good when I'm loved and loving.  Yet, how might I be good if I and others aren't lovable by nature?  It's a gift of God - He's got the power that indwells those who walk rightly and humbly with Him in Christ - praise God that we can abide in this reality.

The only church in town will proclaim that we're lovable by God, ourselves, and others when we're positioned with, and related to, the Son of Man, our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ, our Messiah.  He alone can save us from the tyrannical rule of self; yes, our sinful nature separates us from our most Holy God.  He actually paid the death penalty for sin on our behalf - I'm declared righteous in Christ!

Just for today...

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing."  Albert Schweitzer

December 2nd - What I wanted from dad came from . . .

The story...

I'm told that my motives for much of what I've done, and thought, came from a desire to please, or even be like, my father.   I discovered that this was at least partially true after my dad passed away - I discovered I no longer had a desire to fish.   Fishing seemed purposeless without sharing the "best" experiences with my dad - he liked hearing those stories and freely expressed positive emotions directed toward me.  The fishing and story telling were part of my ongoing search for his love and approval - he, and most everyone else, wasn't capable of fully meeting my needs.  I even bought this shirt last year mainly because it looked like one I remembered him wearing - strangely, I don't wear it..

Like many, I've enjoyed much of Bruce Springsteen's music since my college years.  The songs resonated with what I was experiencing - deep down in my soul - "Born to Run" and his album "Nebraska."  I was surprised to hear that much of what he did was an effort to be like his dad and win his approval.  You can hear the music, drama, and story worked out in his Netflix NYC play "Springsteen on Broadway."  He returned to his roots but it wasn't the same.

My dad was my first idea of what God must be like - my Father.  Sadly, he was just a man with strengths and weaknesses.   I was discouraged when I discovered his weaknesses and didn't receive the love and acceptance that I longed for.  Did I deserve his love?  I was placing my hopes in the wrong place - other people introduced me to my Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ - I am so... thankful that these people loved me enough to show me the Way.

Come to the only church in town and learn about the Way.  If you know the Way, then work out your faith in actualities.  If you've worked out your faith, then share it with a young man like I was - please...

Just for today...

"I was setting goals that others wanted me to achieve . . . My decisions were based on what others wanted so I could make them love and accept me . . . I thought if I said and did everything my parents wished, I would finally earn their love and attention."  Hope for Today (p. 337)

"Not one thing has ever improved as a result of my mental criticism. All it does is keep my mind on someone other than me . . . What would happen if I took my list of criticisms and applied it, gently, to myself?" Courage to Change (p. 337)

December 1st - Caring for others "in secret?"

The story...

Why is it helpful to keep our kind deeds or gifts secret?  Maybe it prevents unhealthy attachment to others for our own sake or benefit?  Maybe giving in secret helps us model outwardly an inward hope or reality in our hearts?  Maybe it allows us to actually experience the offering of love to another person - experiencing grace?   Maybe it's an outward way to resist our central tendency to promote and protect self?  Maybe it feels right because it intrinsically consistent with a good heart?

“1. Take care not to practice your righteousness in the sight of people, to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven. 2. So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, so that they will be praised by people. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. 3. But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4. so that your charitable giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."  Matthew 6:1-4  (NASB)

Matthew exposes a selfish motive for giving and suggests an abnormal alternative.  This secret type of giving may be evidence of a good heart - one who does not need the approval of others or is worried about not having enough.  At a minimum, it describes a heart that wants to walk right with God and their fellow man - loving your neighbors as yourself.

The only church in town will proclaim God's truth, shining light on the darkness around us, making sense of even our motives behind giving.  It'll be a place where people can come to a right position with God in Christ.  Then they're able to work out this life with a confident hope - characterized by love and joy expressed from their innermost beings.  One that might naturally give in secret - gracefully.  Yet, much of these internal realities will be hidden within guarded people who work out their lives within a world that's dark - without reason for hope.

Just for today...

"Have I made progress in my effort to correct my faulty attitudes? Have I let discouragement plunge me back into my old habit patterns? When something I did had consequences that made life difficult for me, did I try to blame someone else?"  One Day at a Time (p. 336)

"I began to see that my way of caring often meant reacting and manipulating. I'd do something nice for someone because I wanted to be liked . . . Sometimes I wanted to attach myself and feed off someone mentally, emotionally, and spiritually . . . Sometimes what I call "love" is really just control."  Hope for Today (p. 336)

November 25th - Might my imagined reality be bent? Unrealistic? Blinding me from truth?

The story...

I thought it wise to imagine and create a positive self image of: who I was, how I wanted to be perceived, how I planned to change, and how I'd execute the plan.  I'd hold onto this imagined reality, and defend it, even if it took much persuasion and the bending of reality too.  I wanted to be perceived as a good actor in the story of life and reap the rewards.  Sadly, my imagined reality and story didn't mesh well with other people's imagined plans and stories.  So, I worked to influence, manipulate, or even control them so that they supported my story - like supporting actors in the story of "me."  It's hard to write this, let alone read it aloud; yet, it seems true to my nature.

Surely, the world can be harsh, alongside other selfish people, so it seems reasonable that we adopt a self-created role that allows us to get along while "trying" to get our needs met.  When our efforts to get along don't work, we may pick up our toys and go home - stay isolated - seeking warmth within the small comfort found by wrapping up in that old-raggedy blanket of our self image - sounds a bit cold and Grinchy.

The only church in town will share God's revealed Word about the nature that we were born with - the selfish, self-sustaining, and self-promoting nature that looks toward meeting our own needs first.  They will hear about what God did to pay for our redemption, pay our God-offensive sin debts, so that we might walk through this life and eternity with our most holy God and Father - peacefully.  Wow, that's good news they'll hear there - "the" story to know and share.

Just for today...

"Sometimes the greatest growth comes through pain, but it's not the pain that helps me grow, it's my response to it.  Will I suffer through the experiences and continue as before or let the pain inspire change that helps me grow?"  Courage to Change (p. 330)

September 25th - What lasts?

The story...

Fifty-six years later, I still have a coloring project that I made in third grade.  I colored, many colors, all over a piece of crepe paper and covered the whole thing in black - I scraped off the black to make an image of a horse.  I also have a few pieces of clothing that I owned before I was married.  The house that I grew up in still exists even though it's eroded to a shadow of what I once believed it to be.  I worked at a manufacturing organization for over 20 years and must've created and signed thousands of documents - It's likely that those document are all either replaced, deleted, or at best archived.  It's true that nothing stays the same and that there'll likely be little evidence that we ever existed in the not too distant future.

Martin Luther has a famous quote that I value: "I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess."   My hands are touching a keyboard as I type - it's a helpful tool that allows me to create, understand, be, and communicate; yet, that too will go away some day.  

I actually painted this...

He's got the whole world in His hands.  He will work His will out with our without you.  Why not trust Him and bear the fruit that only He can give - it's the stuff that'll last.

The only church in town will teach how to trust God according to what He's revealed about Himself, our relationship, what He expects within our relationship, and the most significant future events that'll impact us and our world too.  We can trust Him with our problems, concerns, and the people whom we love.

Just for today...

"My parents are due to visit. Nothing promotes my relapse into compulsive, controlling behavior better than the anticipation of their judgement . . . Each time I doubt that my God knows the way, I'll remember how chaotic and complicated my life becomes when I try to take control."  Hope for Today (p. 269)

September 8th - "Believe that thou mayest understand."

The story...

One day I heard the good news of the gospel and believed.  Some great other worldly event happened that day - scripture says my name was written in The Book of Life.  Another day, I chose to fully trust God's Word and to drop the doubting inklings that held me back. Thereafter, I walked more closely with God in thought, prayer, quiet meditation, and in awe of His mysterious workings within my life.  I began to live a more thankful, curious, loving, honest, and expectant life.  I became a good character in the greatest story of all time - more rightly walking humbly with God.  Loving the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, and soul.  Loving myself more and my neighbor too - through the power of God.

Oxford site where Inklings met on Tuesday mornings

The only church in town would not leave new believers, of the Good News, as babies who can't yet chew the meat of God's revealed Word.  They'd share their knowledge, faith, actualities, and more humbly walk through life together with God by faith.

I continue to be in awe of the wonder of creation, life, this day, and this breath.  Please join me in praising God in thankfulness - fully trusting.

Just for today...

"What obstacles block me from tuning over my will and my life to God? In my case, the answer is obvious: I want guarantees. I hold out, thinking that I'll come up with a new solution to my problems even though I've tried and failed, again and again. The risk of faith seems too great. If I turn a situation over, I won't be in control. I can't be sure I'll get my way." Courage to Change (p. 252)

“For understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore do not seek to understand in order to believe, but believe that thou mayest understand.”  Saint Augustine, Homilies on the Gospel of John, 29.6, vol. 7, (p. 184)

"If I bring sunshine into our home, it cannot fail to affect those in it."  One Day at a Time (p. 252)

September 7th - We need leaders who've experienced the way to go.

The story...

A preacher once shared a transformational story with me.  It went like this: He was traveling across country with two other pastors and they were discussing the difference between people knowing about God and actually having a close relationship with Him that's born fruit.  He likened the situation to knowing all about London, his home town, yet never actually experiencing it.  You could know the map and even zoom in on Google images in great detail.  You could know about the key historical events, learn their language, practice their customs, dress like them, and even cook the same food.  Yet, you'd never really know what it's like to live in, and be part of, a particular London neighborhood.

Pastor Henry Hudson

Most of us have spent a lotta time in classrooms learning about things - memorizing facts and understanding how things relate to each other.  We may even feel we've mastered a subject without actually stepping into the territory.  I hope this isn't where people leave their faith journey.

Scripture confirms that God provided a way for us creatures to have an intimate relationship with Him.  The relationship can be so close that we may even refer to Him as daddy - "Abba Father."  People often hear this truth, understand the possibility, and maybe even memorize the verses; yet, they haven't experienced the relationship.  

People attending the only church in town would reasonable expect to witness the power of God actually worked out through the people who are His.  They'd hear about ongoing prayer and meditation being a natural part of that relationship.  They'd experience: love, joy, peace, patience. goodness, kindness, gentleness and self control.  Those who walk honestly and humbly with God would naturally lead in their own unique way.  Yes, the Body of Christ worked out in reality.  Each person witnessing and experiencing faith in God's Word worked out.

Just for today...

"Eventually I felt more comfortable with my abilities and discovered talents I didn't know I had. I even began to feel capable of doing what was asked of me. Before I realized it, I was the one giving loving guidance. It took some time to see, but I had become a leader."  Hope for Today (p. 251)

August 28th - Who are you?

The story...

The following chorus is from The Who's song "Who Are You."

Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

I really want to know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

Tell me who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

Because I really want to know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

A friend of mine surprisingly told me that they didn't grow up with likes or dislikes.  They didn't have a favorite color.  They hid in the shadows and got by - didn't feel valued. They're learning to know and care for who they are at a later stage of life.

My favorite: color was blue; number was 24; football team was the Iowa Hawkeyes; baseball team was the St. Louis Cardinals; olympic event(s) was the Decathlon; candy bar was the Butterfinger; and book was "Brighty of the Grand Canyon."

Bought my favorite book at Stuart School.

What will the only church in town preach regarding who you are?  You're a creature, created by God in His image for His glory - to praise Him and enjoy each other within a relationship based on faith in His revealed Word and great redemptive work.  The good news is that God provides the way for us, inherently selfish people, to walk humbly with God in Christ - through this life and throughout eternity too.  That is the best possible news - really good.  That's who I am!  I'm with Him in Christ!

Just for today...

"As I grew up it seemed that my parents couldn't see me at all. I felt invisible and voiceless. I had no ideas of my likes and dislikes, let alone what I would or would not accept in a relationship. I felt empty inside."  Hope for Today (p. 241)

We choose to be hurt by what people say or do - don't give them permission.  Remember who you are.

August 21st - Ain't that good news?

The story...

I've rebelled against being controlled, against my will, throughout my life.  The message of the grace of God was such welcome news to my ears.  It rang true and the resulting relationships have proved worthy within the actualities of life.  Living at peace with God allows me to live in the present where real life and God has been and will be - the most adventurous and satisfying place to be.

My wife will be riding her bike across Iowa in the RAGBRAI tour next week.  This disrupts my normal routines and patterns.  Will I need to plan daily activities to keep myself busy or is there a better way? Surely, I do want to complete extra activities with my free time.  Yet, more importantly, I want to live in the present walking closely with God alongside other co-sojourners.

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." Gal. 5:1 (NASB)   Might I slip back into the world of ongoing attempts of self development, justification, and glorification?  I trust that God will not allow me to stray that far.  Yet, it makes sense to pray for strength against temptations to revert back to that self-serving tyrant task master - self.

The only church in town will preach the good news - the gospel.  God said everyone can be rightly related to our most Holy, Loving, and Just Creator by the great work that He has performed in Christ.  Man - that's good news!

The Gospel - Ain't that good news?

Just for today...

"If I believe that it is hopeless to expect any improvement in my life, I am doubting the power of God . . . Never let me imagine that my satisfaction with life depends on what someone else may do."  One Day at a Time (p. 234)

"In my family, my parents were always telling me what to do. My response was usually angry compliance or rebellious refusal. Either way, I was reacting, not acting, and feeling controlled."  Hope for Today (p. 234)

August 17th - Our personality, a collection of habits with a few go-tos?

The story...

Being an storyteller helped me garner the interest and acceptance of other people.  I learned how to select the topic, grab their attention, inflect my voice, include humor, add color, keep the pace, and wow them with the finish. The habit may have started at our family dinner table - what worked there seems to have adapted and worked out into my personality.  I took my storyteller persona everywhere I went.

A good story teller isn't smarter, taller or better looking.  They don't play better basketball or trumpets.  And, they certainly aren't natural listeners or empathizers.  Sure, there were times that I "flexed" my style and was surprised at how good it felt to be a more whole person.  Then, I'd get hurt, withdrawal, heal alone, and then get back out there telling my stories. 

The college bar scene seemed to be a most wonderful place for me.  Storytellers are valued and relationship development was easy - most people are happy to see you enter the room.  When relationships got tough, I moved to a different group and place.  Yet, too much led to . . . and dysfunctional relationships.  Some of my friends couldn't balance learning and debauchery too - they dropped out of the race - the game.  

The textbook author advised me - he did the best he could.

In my super-senior year, when the college stuff was no longer new and full of possibilities, I listened to a football player who told me about what he heard within a group called: Fellowship of Christian Athletes.  I was surprised by his declaration of Christian principles worked out in the reality of his life - he was surprised too.  Then Steve and Marlene invited me to attend their campus church - they were the first people to earnestly invite me to a church in over four years.  It was real good - I wondered how my college experience might have been different if...

It would be easier to invite people to the only church in town - it would be the only option.  Please, earnestly invite somebody to church already.  It so... good to be free from the tyrannical rule of self.  Galatians (5:1)

Just for today...

"Many of us develop clever methods of surviving in . . . situation, such as denial or secrecy . . . What once allowed us to function in a nearly impossible situation is now an obstacle for further growth . . . Sometimes we must accept ourselves, defects and all, before those defects are removed."  Courage to Change (p. 230)

"Today I'll stop minding other people's business and create some business of my own to mind." Hope for Today (p. 230)

August 13th - A good-to-great life story

The story...

This is my favorite day of the year, it,s the birthday of my life partner.  I find great joy in celebrating her and her life - we've both come far together.  I truly love her and am soo... thankful for our marriage relationship.  We've learned and loved much together.

The elements of a good story - Donald Miller

The only church in town well love telling and retelling the greatest story ever told.  The Son of Man and Creator who walked this earth and disclosed much of Himself to His creation.  They will celebrate His birth, death, resurrection, and offer of salvation to all who believe in The Gospel.

Just for today...

"...examine all the things that are hurting me at the moment.  I will challenge their validity to see if there is any basis for my bitterness - or for that dread and fear. I'll probably discover, to my delight, that I have, right at this moment, more than enough reasons to be happy and contented."  One Day at a Time (p. 226)

"Have I put someone on a pedestal? Am I encouraging anyone to have an exaggerated view of me?"  Courage for Change (p. 226)

"I was still clinging to the notion that Something - in this case a sum of money - was going to allow me to manage my life in my own way and on my terms . . .  When I rely on self-will, I severely limit all of my resources.  When I turn to God, those limitations fall away."  Hope for Today (p. 226)

July 13th - Living in the reality of the "present."

The story...

I remember feeling lonely in August long ago - the hopes and dreams of activities, growth, happiness, and good relationships didn't happen as I hoped.  Sadly, I remember thinking, "well, the summer is over for everybody else too" - it didn't make any difference whether my summer was good or bad.

Sunflower in August

If my current-self could sit down with my old-self, what would I share with him to give him a "jump start" on life?   How might I help him heal the wounds in my old-self's heart?  Sadly, I don't know what I'd say; yet, I believe that I'd express my sincere love for him.  How would he sense and know that love?

Was there a person, who I now know, who knew a better answer to the secrets of a good life?  Was there a book that I could've shared with him?  Might I've shared with him the good stuff that actually would occur in his life?  Should I've told him to invest all of his money into ownership shares of Microsoft so that he would be "all set?"

The good that's come to me was centered on living in the present with a right relationship with God in Christ.  It's good to love God, love myself as He does, and more naturally love other people too.  I imagine a good life kinda looking like that really big sunflower.  Hmm, maybe I'd take my old self to see a field of really big sunflowers and share the reality of my most precious relationship?

The only church in town would be a safe place for that younger version of me to be introduced to the love of God worked out through people with skin on them - those who're still in the world of the living.   A place where true joy and happiness can be found living in the present.

Just for today...

"How many days of my life have I wasted? . . . I rejected overtures of friendship from co-workers so that I could fret, uninterrupted about what was bothering me . . . When my worries and sorrows cloak me, the laughter and sunshine of the everyday world seem inappropriate to the way I feel.  Who is out of sync - the rest of the world or me? . . . Today I will live in the present and find what I can enjoy there."  Courage to Change (p. 195)

July 11th - Even if...

The story...

I regret the times that my emotions got the better of me and I reacted quickly by lashing out at other people.  I treated my band director with public disrespect, I hit one fellow student in the face with a textbook, I threw an ice-cream boat in the face of another, I went on two different long tirades condemning people for their wrongs toward someone I cared deeply for, I yelled at a co-worker in the middle of the office...   I might have let them be and focused on my role in the situation - actually being a better character in the story of life.  I wish these events didn't happen but they did.

Gary has to answer the question "whose your daddy?"  It's not hard to imagine the emotions that're swirling around Gary's head.  Yet, he suppresses those emotions and begins a path that stretches and grows him towards a bigger and better life.  Gary's friend "Dean Martin" stands firm and refuses to grow - he misses out.

"Whose your daddy Gary?"

Will I be okay today even if this or that happens?  Will I treat others with love and respect even if they...?  Am I okay no matter what?  

I'll have emotional responses to the hard happenings that come my way; yet, I can choose how I respond or react.  It does take practice to delay my response from those emotional triggers.  Some say that feelings last no more than 90 seconds yet we can keep restimulating them with our thought patterns.  Oh... the perils of obsessive thinking.

The only church in town will witness each person growing throughout their lives.  I hope that the people will actually "be" who they are in Christ rather than "try" to be good people.  The heat of the battles of life seem to expose who we are.  The Sprit of God and an ongoing relationship with God transforms people.

Just for today...

Why not trade the worrisome thoughts of "what if" with "even if?"

"When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred."  Thomas Jefferson

June 23rd - Being Honest with Me

The story...

Much of my life was spent trying to change me in ways that'd: satisfy my ego; protect me from harm; experience love; feed my economic engine; provide me with the stuff to live out my life comfortably; and to get along with others.  I could've worked out that plan without the power of God if circumstances and random variables would've gone my way.

I remember hearing that my sin separated me from a relationship with the Creator of all things - I was about 7 years old and I was listening to a loving-old woman tell me this "truth," using a flannelgraph, at a neighbors house.  She asked if anybody wanted to come up front and receive God's gift of forgiveness and restoration.  I was the only one who came up to the front to make a profession of faith.  It may've been a divine appointment.  What actually happened there is both mysterious and wonderful - the trajectory of my life changed.

The flannelgraph told "The" story in a more colorful way

I experienced the fleeting pleasures of sin and also served as an "Acolyte" lighting candles in church.  At 15, I made a promise to God that I'd serve him if he saved me from a predicament.  At 21, I felt brokenness and earnestly read the four Gospels during the summer of 1980.  I was surprised to hear who Jesus the Christ was.  I ask my Mom: "Why didn't anyone tell me this before?"  My mom replied something like: "Oh you heard all those stories in church and Sunday school..."  God took the reins of my life thereafter and seemed to orchestrate my life as though I was living out a role in some sort of play - I did my part and things seemed to work their way out.

My personal book of life records: hope, faith, drifting, achievement, disappointment, joy, success, failure, love, hurt, friendships, and an increasingly closer walk/relationship with God.  I've experienced much through the grace of God - I'm so thankful for all of my life experiences.  He drew me closer and closer to Him and my capacity to love God, myself, and others has grown too.  I stand thankful for my faith in God - right with Him in Christ. 

Just for today...

"The courage to be honest with ourselves is one quality we can cultivate to help our spiritual growth."  Courage to Change (p. 175)

Stewart, J. S. (1935). A man in Christ: The vital elements of St. Paul’s religion. 

June 9th - What does it mean to be good?

The story...

"Rommel, you are such a good boy."  I must have heard words like that directed toward me but I don't recall them.  I believe I did hear them yet I'm not sure what those words would've meant.  They likely would've meant that I was respectful, obedient, trustworthy, helpful ...  Wait a second! That sounds like the Boy Scout law:

 "A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent."

How does that compare with what God says is good?

"He has told you, mortal one, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:8 (NASB)

The difference between the two definitions seems to be that the first one is a law that boys are asked to strive toward and the second requires walking humbly with God with love.  How do I work out my life humbly - walking rightly with God and loving my neighbors?  God is holy and I'm not.  I was born selfish with a heart that's like an idol factory.  Those idols were barriers between me and my relationship with God.

Message to me on a felt board as a 7 yr. old - I believed it.

Currently, I'm walking closer with God than in past seasons of my life. My relationship seems to be bearing His fruit through the Spirit of Christ who indwells me as a Christ one.  Yes, I've put my faith in the Son of God and His great redemptive work.  My old nature tempts me to idolize my fantasy, where I spend my precious time, my relationships, my financial power, or even my emotions.  I'm positioned complete in Christ and without Him I'm wandering near other people through life towards...

People within the only church in town would witness people walking humbly with God with love in their hearts.  They'd witness some Christ ones resting in peace through life's trials and sufferings and approaching their body's death with rest and peace too.  Will they see the gap between their own reality and what God said they can be?  What might the good life look like if they walked along fully trusting God and His Word?

Just for today...

"'The last thing I need is to be more humble.' Hadn't I been humble all my life, putting everyone's needs ahead of my own? . . . I had confused humility with humiliation . . . humility, I discovered, is the ability to see my true relationship to God and to my fellow human beings."  Courage to Change (p. 161)

"What wonderful things could happen in my life if I could get rid of my natural impulse to justify my actions! . . . Being honest isn't easy . . . I know that self-deception multiplies my problems."  One Day at a Time (p. 161)

"'I was afraid to say what was on my mind or in my heart for fear of being ridiculed, shunned, or criticized . . .  Now I have a reputation for being direct, honest, and open . . . I can let others know how I think and feel . . . I have a right to share what is in my mind and heart."  Hope for Today (p. 161) 

May 31st - Dents and Stains Redeemed

The story...

I bought a new black Datsun 310 in 1981.  My best friend and his wife were my first riders.  He stepped in some kind of grease before sitting in the car - the 6" grease spot stayed on the carpet until the day I sold it.  

Then, you could drive fast in Tennessee without the worry of a speeding ticket.  When the car was a couple months old, I hit a guardrail while joy riding - the dented-rear fender stayed on the car until the day I sold it.

I moved the car to Ohio and Michigan before finally selling it - bought a new red Honda.  Years later, I found that Datsun in a junk yard, the greased-stained carpet and dented fender were still there - evidence. 

The dent's on the other side...

I try and sometimes make mistakes.  I want to be accepted and loved by other people.  Yet, they sometimes reject me or demean me by making light of me or my accomplishments - wounded pride.  In close relationships, I show my flaws and risk being hurt.  I can either hide my dents and stains or I can fully place my value in my relationship with my Creator - the only place where I must be truly okay.  He loves me just the way I am because He redeemed me - I'm His in Christ.  Scripture, my life walk, and His Spirit at work in me, confirm that I'm right with Him - even with my dents and stains.

I've skills and abilities yet I'm incomplete - I need our Creator and the group to walk through life rightly.  You can find a flawed, yet redeemed, group like that within the only church in town - show up.

Just for today...

"The world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles . . . only by a spiritual journey . . . by which we arrive at the ground at our feet, and learn to be at home."  Wendell Berry

"My self-esteem diminished whenever I made a mistake, didn't know something I was expected to know, did something wrong, or when something I unintentionally did or said ended up hurting someone . . . I believed my mistakes were proof of my failure at the one thing I was supposed to accomplish - perfection." Hope for Today (p. 152)

May 30th - Does it Seem Wrong to Be Kind to Yourself?

The story...

Are there good guys and bad guys in life?  Or, are we all under the curse of sin and death - bad guys?

I recently met a really good person who remembers only a few times when she rebelled against authority and acted out badly.  She seems compliant and appears to genuinely care for and love other people.  I've met other people who seem rebellious by nature and challenge most direction and attempts to control them - started as a baby and never stopped.  Personally, I tend to fall on the rebellious side of the continuum. 

On May 7, 1931, the most sensational manhunt New York City had ever known had come to its climax.

After weeks of search, "Two Gun" Crowley - the killer, the gunman who didn't smoke or drink - was at bay, trapped in his sweetheart's apartment on West End Avenue. One hundred and fifty policemen and detectives laid siege to his top floor hideaway. They chopped holes in the roof; they tried to smoke out Crowley, the "cop killer," with teargas. Then they mounted their machine guns on surrounding buildings, and for more than an hour one of New York's fine residential areas reverberated with the crack of pistol fire and the rut-tat-tat of machine guns. Crowley, crouching behind an over-stuffed chair, fired incessantly at the police. Ten thousand excited people watched the battle. Nothing like it ever been seen before on the sidewalks of New York.

When Crowley was captured, Police Commissioner E. P. Mulrooney declared that the two-gun desperado was one of the most dangerous criminals ever encountered in the history of New York.

"He will kill," said the Commissioner, "at the drop of a feather." But how did "Two Gun" Crowley regard himself? We know, because while the police were firing into his apartment, he wrote a letter addressed "To whom it may concern, " And, as he wrote, the blood flowing from his wounds left a crimson trail on the paper. In this letter Crowley said: "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one - one that would do nobody any harm. "

A short time before this, Crowley had been having a necking party with his girl friend on a country road out on Long Island. Suddenly a policeman walked up to the car and said: "Let me see your license." Without saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cut the policeman down with a shower of lead. As the dying officer fell, Crowley leaped out of the car, grabbed the officer's revolver, and fired another bullet into the prostrate body. And that was the killer who said: "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one - one that would do nobody any harm. '

 How to Win Friends And Influence People, Dale Carnegie

Scripture says that all men and women are unholy and separated from our Holy Creator by our selfish nature and the sin that oozes out.   We would all remain separate from God during this life and throughout eternity unless God alone redeemed and reconciled us.  Humans can enter their most important relationship with Him solely based on being identified with Christ and the atoning work He performed through His death and resurrection.  He did the heavy lifting and died for our sin - He paid our debt.  Yes, we can be holy in the site of God in Christ.

Do I have to beat myself up for not being consistently good?  No.  I can walk each day loving God and my neighbor as myself based solely on the great work that God's done on my behalf.  Wow, I can truly rest in the goodness of God.  I can be kind to myself just as I am - praise God.

How would the only church in town accept a rebellious man within their congregation?  I expect that they'd start with acknowledging that they're all somewhere on the rebellion-compliance continuum and that they all need the gift of God's grace daily.

Just for today...

"If I am hard on myself, I can stop and remember that I deserve gentleness and understanding from myself.  Being human is not a character defect!  Today I will be gentle with my humanness."  Courage to Change (p. 151)