November 21st - What does a "broken" person let go of?

The story...

I did my best, created a comfortable home, and tried to help those in my care to be their best.  Then something upset the game board - other people's games and the circumstances of life.  The tokens, pegs, fake money and cards were strewn about - the game of life no longer worked - it was moving in directions that I didn't plan for or expect.  There had to be a better way. 

A friend recommended that I meet with a group of people who may help me turn life's chaos into a new and better way of living.  I'm so thankful that I "Zoomed" into my first virtual meeting with them. They taught me that their efforts to fix, manage, and control other people's live is fruitless and harmful.  The only person who I was capable of changing was me.  I learned much in the first year and lived a better way the second year.  I live a different life now, respecting relationships, allowing those I have the pleasure to know the dignity to live out their own lives.  I more fully trust God, and bear more fruit that both I and others enjoy.  I'm living a more humble/honest life walking more closely to our present and eternal reality.  My more trusting and open relationships enable a wonderful sort of pilgrimage towards the Celestial City together - trusting God.  It's the good stuff that eluded me during my early and working years.  Strangely, I'm soo... thankful for the brokenness that upset my boat, knocked down my house of cards, and helped me trust God.

The only church in town will be comprised of people in all stages of life.  They'll learn about the reality of life together.  Each person will have a different personality, and when together, will form a group personality too.  The personality of the group will reflect their "head" - their Lord.

Just for today...

"Some people don't know how badly they need a new way of life until disaster overtakes them."  One Day at a Time (p. 326)

"Today I know that I can't fix anyone else but myself, and I challenge myself daily to seek a richer, more meaningful life. I'm taking risks, facing fears, making changes, speaking up, making myself available to life."  Courage to Change (p. 326)

November 19th - Am I a good actor or character in this game of life?

The story...

My career may've chose me - I practiced the habits, and developed the personality, to explain my perspective and win agreement.  My work practices, tools, and change management success carried over into other areas of my life too.  I became more: illustrative; flamboyant in my story telling; better at painting commonly-understood mental images; succinct in posing the right question(s); and consistent in behaving according to my expected behavior.  Sometimes, the desired perspectives were those of the organization that I was part of and not necessarily my own.

The burden of working out my life, wearing different hats, took its toll.  The incongruity between my inner-man and the roles that I accepted was bothersome - dissatisfaction with parts of life.  My life was not characterized as peaceful - more like a never ending quest to model good behavior - be the best that I could be - measure up.  So, I planned the long and arduous process of earning my PhD - "then life would be great."  It was a good life change completed over 10 years and experienced over another 10 years.  I learned and grew much through my studies, research, dialog, enlarged mental models, building onto and protecting my share of the body of knowledge, teaching, and mentoring.  Yet, my inner-man needed something more.

A period of brokenness helped me wake up and see my strife and struggles more clearly - I needed help.  I accepted an offer for help and joined others who were also more-honestly becoming better people.  The lessons learned and applied were wonderful - I truly love(d) all those people that I grew with.  My life became more congruent, peaceful, restful, thankful, engaging, and honest too.

The only church in town will be a place where you'll hear about a better way to be.  You'll, meet those who are growing in a similar way and stage of life.  Over time, a few of those people may even become truly good friends who you can openly and honestly grow with.  Friends like that aren't required to live a good life yet I wouldn't give 'em up without a fight.  True, they must be held loosely or it likely isn't true friendship.  Honestly seeking to understand, before being understood, is a good first step toward developing those good friendships.

Just for today...

Do you want to fix them for your own personal comfort or honestly for them?

If you wouldn't want somebody to say "it" to you then don't say "it" to anyone else.

November 17th - Why serve others?

The story...

I was asked to serve on the Child and Family Services governing board within my county.  The person who asked me wanted to ensure that this large receiver of public funds was not duplicating services and that the services they rendered were effective.  I didn't know what I was getting into and learned much over my four years of service.  First, I learned about the organization's services, structure, processes. and the board member roles too. Then, I enjoyed working with my fellow volunteers, the paid non-profit leaders, and some of the actual service providers as well.  During my last year, I chaired the board and presented our funding request to the United Way.  I asked for the largest contribution that was requested that year - the request was approved.  The experience was great - I'm a better person because of it - I'm thankful to all involved.  There are so many people that care deeply for the social services within community - they're good.

What motivated me to serve within the workplace, community, or the church?  Was I seeking affirmation regarding my virtue or capabilities?  Was I looking for the admiration and acceptance of the group(s)?  Was I looking for awards or trophies?   Was I building a well-rounded resume?  Did I want to be counted as a good versus bad character in the "game of life?"  Was I trying to absolve my previously committed sin?  Was it a latent need to win my parent's approval?  Was I ashamed to say no?  Was I trying to be a good boy?

The workers within the only church in town will have a need for volunteers and service.  The noblest of motives will be offered yet people will say yes according to a variety of reasons.  We'll all likely be thankful for the unexpected joy of being a bit less self-centered - actually serving and loving others.  That's some of the unexpected real-good stuff in life - "fruit."

Just for today...

"When I feel the call to service, I pray for knowledge of God's will for me to make sure it's not just me wanting to manipulate, control, or avoid something going on in my life."  Hope for Today (p. 322)

"...sometimes the most competent and helpful assert themselves over-strongly and so engender hostility in others . . . We penalize ourselves when we allow disapproval of another person to endanger the unity of the group."  One Day at a Time (p. 322)

September 21st - When you find yourself in a hole - quit digging.

The story...

I was waiting in a McDonalds line on the way back from a trip where I was less than a team player.  For whatever reasons, I resented efforts from other people to bend the plans for our two-family trip.  Surely I knew that others had different expectations, perceptions, needs and wants; yet, I seemed to think I knew best for everyone.  I was frustrated with everything about that restaurant and the people who were there too.  It was bad enough that I remember thinking - "this is not okay, you need to be different."  Something had to change - I remember waiting in the line and pondering the situation so it must have been an impactful life moment.  "There's got to be a better way."

How do we know when we're not acting or thinking as a whole person - missing something that we need to make wise decisions?  We might: think wrongly, act selfishly, resent what others did or who they seem to be, know less than necessary, isolate from needed compadres, try to prevent further wounds, focus on pleasing people, be co-dependent on other people, or possibly act separately from the Spirit of God.  As if those reasons aren't enough to pause before acting, the acronym HALT comes to mind - pause if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.

Might the only church in town offer a true message of hope, peace, and joy (Romans 15:13)?  Might a humble, more truthful, life-walk with God be the good life?  Yes...

Just for today...

"Although my life was full of chaos, it was familiar chaos, which gave me the feeling that I had some control over it. This was an illusion."  Courage to Change (p. 265)

"With my thoughts distorted by fear, despair and resentment, and my nerves overwrought, I could not think clearly nor make wise decisions."  One Day at a Time (p. 265)

July 20th - Why live in an imaginary reality?

The story...

Males in my mother's and father's families were all balding except for one.  My receding hairline and "spot" were visible in my wedding pictures.  I knew it was happening yet it crept up slowly.  Then, there was the day that my friend who cut my hair, Penny, reached for the electric cutter rather than the scissors.  She admitted that trimmers would do just as good as scissors yet she appreciated both my business and our friendship.  The day that I finally accepted that I was bald and began cutting my own hair was a good one.  I let loose of the old and accepted the reality of the new.  Actually, there're advantages living in the reality of being a bald guy.  I could list a few, that you might not be aware of, but that's not what this story's about.

Living within the reality of our actual environment, mental, physical, and spiritual state is the best place to be - peace, well being, and joy can be found there.  Living in an imaginary place, within any of these dimensions, is like living in a house of cards.  Maybe hyped-up emotions are an indicator or sign that you might be living outside reality.  Might those over reactions and need to do exciting stuff, with amped-up emotions, indicate a life lived in the uncomfortable state of an imagined reality?   Are our emotions like gauges that might give us clues as to "What's going on?"

"What's going on?"  4 Non-Blondes

The only church in town would be a place where you can find out what's going on.  People who reach out in love may ask you.  And, most importantly, you can hear and better understand what God has revealed about what's really going on.

Just for today...

"By clutching at what we most want to keep, we lose it all the more rapidly . . . By letting go of our efforts to influence the future, we become freer to experience the present, to feel all of our feelings while they are happening, and to more full enjoy those precious moments of joy with which we are blessed."  Courage to Change (p. 202)

July 17th - Staying okay within healthy boundaries

The story...

Our dog buddy was old and sick.  We loved him.  We took him to the vet and they confirmed that his life was ending.  I held him while he breathed his last.  My eyes are watering as I recall those moments.  I wasn't okay - the reality of death stinks.  It shouldn't be that way, but it was.

If I can't be okay unless all those who I care about are okay then I'll never be okay.  Surely, its logical that the best way for me to be helpful for others is to come from a place of strength, peace, and "okayness."  

What does it take to be okay?  Maybe its being honest about my past, present, and future - more humble.  Maybe it takes working on meaningful relationships while allowing the other person(s) to be truthful and okay as they are.  "Okayness" that isn't based on reality seems fragile and temporary at best.

Funerals shine a big light on the reality of this game of life.  If your saving faith in God's provision for your today, and eternity, is weak then it takes a bit of pretending to be okay.  The only church in town will mourn at the death of one of their own yet the funeral will profess their reason for hope and "okayness."  Yes, I'm okay in Christ - God said so, I believe so, and I'll walk today in that reality.  It could've been different but it isn't.

Just for today...

"Because my fate - my very life - was no longer tied directly to theirs, I was able to accept them for who they were and to listen to their ideas and concerns without trying to exercise control."  Courage to Change (p. 199)

"Though I was attempting in good faith to arrive at an agreeable solution, I was repeatedly met with sarcasm.  After a time I said that if the sarcasm persisted, I would not participate any further . . . I gained respect from the other person when I matched my intentions with my actions."  Hope for Today (p. 199)

June 20th - The Stacking Habit

The story...

My story begins with my attempt to share a bad habit that I replaced with a good one.  I selected a habit that I'd like to change over the next month.  When I post this blog on June 20th, you'll hear, or read, my rendition of what actually occurred.  Will I be able to replace the habit with a better one and will I be more comfortable with myself as a result?

The habit I choose is: organizing the stuff near my side of the bed every day.  I've a habit of stacking things, quickly tossing down my clothes, and inviting my spouse, without actually saying so, to stack stuff there too.  I'll organize my side of my bedroom every day after I complete the nytimes.com "Wordle" game.

My Wordle result - 05/17/23

I've heard it said that a good way to begin a new habit is to "Stack" it after a habit that you find pleasure in or look forward to.  Personally, I look forward to every Sunday morning when I meet my friends at church, synch our lives, remind each other of the reality of what God's revealed, and to praise and wordship "That in Which There is No Greater."  Being involved in the only church in town will involve people and their sin which will inevitably cause conflict and problems.  God's Word and Power will offer peace for each of his "Christ Ones" as they navigate through life together.  People and their habits being transformed toward...

STACKING TRIAL UPDATE:  It didn't work - I still have a stack of stuff next to my bed.  Maybe the stack is part of my routine or habits that best fits this stage of life that I'm journeying through?  I'm okay with me just as I am today - living in the present more honestly and humbly.

Just for today...

"The 'defects of character' I want to be rid of are sure to have deep roots in habit . . . If I am truly willing, I will see them replaced gradually by impulses of a different quality, that I can live with, comfortably and free from self-reproach."   One Day at a Time (p. 172)

"The first step in learning to respond more effectively to others is to learn to respond more effectively to myself.  I can learn to respond with love, caring, and respect for myself, even for those parts of me that experience fear, confusion, and anger."  Courage to Change (p. 172)

June 9th - What does it mean to be good?

The story...

"Rommel, you are such a good boy."  I must have heard words like that directed toward me but I don't recall them.  I believe I did hear them yet I'm not sure what those words would've meant.  They likely would've meant that I was respectful, obedient, trustworthy, helpful ...  Wait a second! That sounds like the Boy Scout law:

 "A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent."

How does that compare with what God says is good?

"He has told you, mortal one, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:8 (NASB)

The difference between the two definitions seems to be that the first one is a law that boys are asked to strive toward and the second requires walking humbly with God with love.  How do I work out my life humbly - walking rightly with God and loving my neighbors?  God is holy and I'm not.  I was born selfish with a heart that's like an idol factory.  Those idols were barriers between me and my relationship with God.

Message to me on a felt board as a 7 yr. old - I believed it.

Currently, I'm walking closer with God than in past seasons of my life. My relationship seems to be bearing His fruit through the Spirit of Christ who indwells me as a Christ one.  Yes, I've put my faith in the Son of God and His great redemptive work.  My old nature tempts me to idolize my fantasy, where I spend my precious time, my relationships, my financial power, or even my emotions.  I'm positioned complete in Christ and without Him I'm wandering near other people through life towards...

People within the only church in town would witness people walking humbly with God with love in their hearts.  They'd witness some Christ ones resting in peace through life's trials and sufferings and approaching their body's death with rest and peace too.  Will they see the gap between their own reality and what God said they can be?  What might the good life look like if they walked along fully trusting God and His Word?

Just for today...

"'The last thing I need is to be more humble.' Hadn't I been humble all my life, putting everyone's needs ahead of my own? . . . I had confused humility with humiliation . . . humility, I discovered, is the ability to see my true relationship to God and to my fellow human beings."  Courage to Change (p. 161)

"What wonderful things could happen in my life if I could get rid of my natural impulse to justify my actions! . . . Being honest isn't easy . . . I know that self-deception multiplies my problems."  One Day at a Time (p. 161)

"'I was afraid to say what was on my mind or in my heart for fear of being ridiculed, shunned, or criticized . . .  Now I have a reputation for being direct, honest, and open . . . I can let others know how I think and feel . . . I have a right to share what is in my mind and heart."  Hope for Today (p. 161) 

June 5th - Walking in the Present with God

The story...

I'm walking in the woods.  Am I walking humbly with God?  Am I aware of and receptive to His presence or is my mind moving to and fro between the past and the future?  These walks are my favorite place to consciously walk with God, in the present, as I ascend each hill, turn around each bend, see the sun rays through the leaves, fall into a state of peacefulness, or reflect on the beauty of that vista before I return to my more normal way of life. 

I'm glad I took this picture.

Some say I should buy a camera to better record those "present" moments so that I can later recall them with fondness.  Might these past reflections take me away from the future present?  I've heard it said that too much focus on the past results in depression and that too much attention to the future results in undue anxiety.  We meet with God and people in the present.

People attending the only church in town will likely desire the experience of walking more closely together with God.  Who knows what His will will be for our life today?  It seems reasonable to expect that today will be much like yesterday but change happens - only God knows for sure.  We must say "goodbye" to the past to greet the future with "hello."

Just for today...

"When I open my heart to a Power that fills me with love and acceptance, I can begin to extend those qualities to others."  Courage to Change (p. 157)

"Each new day I turn myself over to God's care because what He does is well done."  Hope for Today (p. 157)

May 17th - Be Yourself - Alive Today

The story...

About sixty guys lived on my dorm floor.  There were about sixty girls who lived on the girl's floors too.  There was a type of guy who was noticed and included in the groups that I wanted to be a part of.  So, I wore the right clothes, went to the same places, performed the same rituals, and suffered along the way.

One term, my roommate and I decided to "buck the system" - rebel.  We wore t-shirts, bibs, and tennis shoes without socks.  We piled our dirty clothes on the couch yet friends still crowded in our room to hang out.  Although we were being rebels of a sort, new social norms were being established - others started to behave like us.  I'm glad we cleaned up the next term.  It was fun but it was no place to stay.

Living vicariously means living life through another person.  It seems like most people do it yet it often leads to stress and unhappiness.  Put on a mask, play a role, try to fit it, be part of the group, please people, and possibly idolize the leader.  A better way is to be yourself already.  Live in the present with an honest appreciation of you.  Why not appreciate the joys of being alive today as we truly are?

George idolizes Tony

The people in the only church in town would work out their own faith together.  The group relationships will be important towards their growth, yet their most important relationship will be between them and God.  Their wise pastor would recognize the pitfall of being idolized - the group living vicariously through his life of faith.  He would, succinctly and directly, point them back to their true Savior lest he begin to enjoy being treated as a type of little god or even a sort of doted pet.

Just for today...

"While growing up I had used denial to block myself from feeling pain, which also blocked me from experiencing pleasure."  Hope for Today (p. 138)

"... if I concentrate on being right here, right now, I know that I am fine . . . Let me make today the most fully alive day I have ever experienced." Courage to Change (p. 138)

May 5th - Limitations

The story...

If I'm honest with my reality and the limited control that I have over it, I stand, or bow, in humility.  The need to work out life best with an honest appreciation of me, humility. reminds me of a quote from the Dirty Harry movie Magnum Force: "a man's got to know his limitations."

Does being humble include being honest with our limitations and bowing in awe of our Creator and God?  It seems the only logical conclusion, makes sense with my life walk, and sits well within my stomach too.

I hope that the people of the only church in town don't build their faith based on the quality of their leader - often the pastor.  The pastor's under the curse, the law of sin and death, just like you.  Yet, all who attend the only church in town would hear him preach the good news.  "That Than Which There is No Greater" offered an all-powerful redeemer - His only begotten Son.  I'm glad that He's my redeemer and that I don't have to rely on me or the possibility of a helpful and capable guy like "Dirty Harry."

Just for today...

"I begin  to learn humility when I take the first step.  By admitting I am powerless, I make room for the possibility that a Power greater than myself can do all those things that are beyond my reach."  Courage to Change (p. 126)

April 26th - Humility

The story...

I was 23 years old and my feet hurt; so, I went to a podiatrist for help.  He explained that my body structure caused me to walk in a manner that caused pain.  He recommended I wear orthotics, to align my body, if I wanted to continue doing the things I liked to do.  I said: "Tell me how to walk right and I'll walk right."  The doctor paused, probably grimaced, and said: "Friend, you have another problem that's bigger than your feet."  

Micah 6:8 says that a good life is found walking humbly with God.  I expect that the admonishment is not to "try" to walk humbly with God, rather to "actually" walk humbly with God.  This transformation has to be a great work of God in a person's inner self - there's no way that I could make that kind of change on my own.  God did the work so that I might walk humbly with Him - an honest appreciation of self.  No matter how hard we try, we can't be good enough to walk closely and humbly/honestly with God - our sin nature and God's Holiness don't fit together - like oil and water.  Walking humbly with God... what a wonderful way to be.  Being as truthful with the reality of me as possible.

Tadeusz Gorecki, Humility

The only church in town would frequently present the gospel truth.  The person whose trusting in their own good works might hear, with surprise and great relief, about God's great work for us in Christ. They'd experience transformed people living out a right relationship with God in Christ.  Pilgrim, how's your life progressing?

Just for today...

"I've always had a prideful, exaggerated  sense of my abilities, assuming I could do anything and knew the right answers to everyone's questions . . .  I offended  many people with my opinionated, know-it-all manner . . . This new relationship with God, who knows best, invited me to rethink my position in life; it also invited me to consider the concept of humbleness."  Hope for Today (p. 117)

April 11th - Deference

The story...

I heard a speaker make the claim that being a servant means doing everything your master says - to voluntarily choose to serve another.  They suggested that this is part of what it means to be a servant leader.  Hmm...

I gave this idea a try, a test of sorts, last weekend by accepting and enjoying all of the plans that a friend had for Saturday evening.  They chose where, when, and what we did.  It felt good not even considering the interjection of my opinion on anything we did or discussed.  The experiment set a different "tone" for the relationship - everyone seemed to be enjoying this new "way."  I think that the best word for describing my change in attitude would be deference - humble submission and respect.  It felt real good and right.

How do people expect the only church in town to be different from other community gatherings?  They will likely know the story of our Lord Jesus the Christ washing His disciples feet.  "So if I, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet." (NASB, John 13:14) 

(Tintoretto, 1548)

Loving our neighbor as ourselves does seem to be a wonderful, yet gifted, quality of the good life - an essential ingredient for us and our community too.  For God so loved the world that he gave His...

Just for today...

"I retain the right to have problems, to cry, to make mistakes, to not know all the answers. . . I don't have to be in charge."  Courage to Change (p. 102)

March 18th - Groupthink versus Truth

The story...

Solomon Asch conducted a conformity experiment to test the phenomena that's often referred to as groupthink.  In this study, only 25% of the participants would not go along with group consensus when evaluating which line length was a match.  

Reference & Comparison Card Pair - Wikipedia 5/18/24

Personally, I've often experienced the pain of being in that quartile who maintained their integrity when the group's going the other way - "it's just the way I am."  I assume that when the issues are more complex, than assessing the length of lines, the percentage decreases significantly.  Groupthink often results in people going where they don't wanna go - maybe nobody.

Within the only church in town, I hope that God's revealed Word would be the standard for measuring line length.  And, I hope that the grace, love and mercy offered by God, to us in Christ, would be extended amongst community members - freedom from the tyrannical rule of self.  Then, people might have a solid rock foundation for measuring truth - working out a life of integrity, characterized by love, amongst all their groups.

Just for today...

"I can lower my expectations of others and myself, and choose to be happy with progress rather than perfection."  Hope for Today (p. 78)

"I've spent so much time and energy trying to help those who didn't want it, that the opportunity  to make a welcome contribution to someone else's well being is precious to me." Courage to Change (p. 78)

"I will not look for a scapegoat to excuse my own faults."  One Day at a Time (p. 78)

"We must be true inside, true to ourselves, before we can know a truth that is outside us."  No Man Is an Island - Thomas Merton

December 21st - Being kind and honest with you

The story...

Three nights ago I dreamed that I purchased a new cell phone that was too small.  Two nights ago, I dreamed that I was trying to do a bicep curl, with 25lbs, while sitting in a lazy-boy chair, and wasn't able to lift it up beyond 90 degrees.  I was surprised to see a bundle of really-large blood vessels, protruding from my arm, had snagged something on the floor.  Last night I had multiple dreams of adventure that included my college-aged siblings and a new job in an old building where I'd discovered a new tea that I'd mixed up in a blue Rubbermaid container. 

In my waking hours I'm concerned about changes in the lumbar region of my lower spine - they're affecting my life and the medical system's ability to restore me to my previous physical capability is questionable.  Whatever course my spinal changes lead me, I hope that I remain peacefully grounded in the reality of my situation and that I don't need to look to my subconscious mind to discover what's really going on.  Yes, I will to be honest and humble with my condition as I walk the next part of my life journey.  I've heard we are humblest when we live most closely to the truth.

Is being honest and accepting of my current reality part of being kind to me?  A position of strength and peace where I can see, understand, accept, and continue my journey down the right path to the Celestial City?  Yes, that was a reference to John Bunyan's allegory - Pilgrim's Progress.

Some really good books... I'll have more time and life-space to read.

The only church in town will tend to be an honest, kind, and loving kind of place. People's most important needs will be met as relationships are worked out rightly - first with God and then with each other.  The church will be big enough that people will have opportunities to walk on the path with friends they can relate to, and grow with, in an honest and kind sort of way.

 

Just for today...

"Somewhere in my past I got the message that to think of myself first was wrong, that it was my duty to care for everyone else. As a consequence, I was never ready to take care of myself and so became a burden to those around me . . . In fact, improving myself is the only real action available to me . . . Why should others bother to follow my example if I can't take care of my own affairs? . . . To give advice to others is to intrude; to give advice to myself is to grow."   Courage to Change (p. 356)