August 1st - Come far and not going back.

The story...

Twelve of the positive changes I've enjoyed during the past few years include: 

• Less forming, or sharing, opinions of what I think is "best" for others.
• Less scratching my metaphorical uncomfortable "itches" with food, activities, games, alcohol etc.
• More frequent prayer and quiet meditation - enjoying more peace and rest.
• Seeking to understand others before being understood - becoming more natural.
• Accepting reality as opposed to developing and arguing for what oughta be.
• Abiding in a state of rest and peace as opposed to one of amped-up emotions.
• Consciously setting and relaxing personal boundaries.
• Living more in the present and obsessing less about the past and future.
• Saying no without an obligation or need to explain why.
• Communicating my message once - resisting the urge to convince others with repetition.
• Loving more and accepting love from others.
• Valuing and building closer, less-guarded, relationships.

"+" life change decisions like being strong

There were reasons I behaved differently than the above.  I've refused temptations to revert to my past ways when triggered by whatever - I don't intend to go back.  Praise God for the changes that He seems to have worked into my life both directly and through those who are His.  Why choose to revert to a less fruitful life?  You know the answers.

People attending the only church in town will witness the Word of God worked out through other's lives.  They'll be more conscious of what their life is and what it might be.  They'll learn to trust God.

Oh the vastness of God and His creation - I can only imagine.  We're His creatures and He's the Creator.  I hope that all men will choose to abide in Christ - safe in the hands of God.

Just for today...

"I do not respond well when someone tries to impose their will on me; why have I tried  to impose my will on those around me?  There is only one person I'm responsible for, and that is me."  Courage to Change (p. 214)

"Little by little I can change my world - not by escaping to a new one with the same old me, but by making a new me out of the old one."  One Day at a Time (p. 214)

"My spirit is set free each time I take the risk  to express myself to people who understand how I think and feel."  Hope for Today (p. 214)

"Truly loved; Feels so... right - Lovin others; Outta site!"
"Found in Christ; Safe and sound - Preacher spoke; Eternity bound!"   Am I a Poet?

July 31st - Stronger triceps muscles might...

The story...

"It" scrolled down upon my computer, an ad for a pulley with weight lifting attachments - it'd allow me to do pull-down exercises in my basement.  "It" seemed liked a simple and doable strength solution to my lower back limitation - it was less than $30.  Where would I put it?  One click and it was purchased.

I took down the unused-heavy punching bag to situate it just right.  The change to my weight lifting regime was both satisfying and fruitful - my triceps had never been stronger.  Basketball shooting wasn't my strong point - I was surprised at how much easier, accurate and precise my shots were.  Other everyday tasks were easier and more satisfying too.

It seems most people don't do strength training - "It's just not my thing."  It does require 25 minutes, two or three times per week.  For me, I often listen to my spiritual mentor, Charles Stanley, on the TV while I'm lifting.  I emerge from the basement better off physically, emotionally, and spiritually - more whole.

We're all different and it takes time to make sustainable changes within our lives.  Until the change works out into actualities and habits, it's hard to know how life will be different.  For me, I don't want to give up weight lifting or my motorcycle.  I've a friend who wouldn't give up her quilting, another who wouldn't give up her garage sales, another guy who is passionate about his guns, another who loved her gardening, and another who wouldn't give up her pickleball leagues. 

The only church in town would allow opportunities for every person to apply their God given gifts, abilities, and interests.  And, they'd hear about life-giving changes that people experience along their journeys.  They'd also hear how the Spirit of God intervened before significant real-life changes started.  If it was from God, you won't want to go back to the old-stale stuff.  I guess it depends on who your master is - you or your Lord.

Just for today...

"When I take one day, one moment, one task at a time and really concentrate on it, a lot more gets done."  Courage to Change (p. 213)

"I must learn to accept myself as I am. Everything good I can bring about must begin with that."  One Day at a Time (p. 213)

"I reaffirm that God is a Power greater than myself with thoughts and feelings very different from mine. This allows me to set my thoughts aside and take time to focus on His thoughts and how He wants to express them through me."  Hope for Today (p. 213)

"God in me; Hard to believe - He works out; Couldn't conceive."   Am I a Poet?

July 30th - "Don't worry be happy?"

The story...

In June, 1981, I visited my family, in Whitehall, MI, for a weekend vacation.  I'd recently joined a group of believers who regularly studied their bibles together in Oak Ridge, TN.  They were working out their faith in ways that were new, and filled with unexpected goodness, to me.  The leader, Bill Job, was freely sharing the reality of his own faith walk as he shared God's revealed Word.  I'd decided to follow Jesus - no turning back, no turning back.  I first heard about the concept of God's grace through Bill.

I shared what I'd learned with my dad on our way back to the cabin for lunch.  My dad paused, turned to me and said, "It sounds good, but you just can't live like that . . . life just doesn't work that way.  You can try."

Why not "try to live a good righteous life, do your best, and try to be happy in all circumstances?  Seriously, why not?  This is a question worthy of pondering.  Was my dad right?  Is it impossible even with our best efforts?  Like many perplexing questions, and answers, he seemed to be both right and wrong.  I learned that I can't, no matter how hard I try, yet God can.  He changed me from the inside out.  He changed my heart - my will was aligned to trust Him in this bent world.  Scripture says He indwells me and He has born fruit.  Change is hard each step of the way - growing thru life ain't ever easy.  My "good" life's growing through ongoing prayer and communion with my Father in Christ.  I thankfully praise God for His might, power, grace, and love for even me His creature.  Yet, my "self" is still on the "shelf" - ready to jump in whenever...

I expect that the only church in town will offer truth, relationships, and opportunities for each attender to trust God and quit trying to be good on their own.  When they do, there's no turning back - God is faithful to His Word.

Just for today...

"I choose happiness and then abandon my choice at the first sign of trouble.  How deep can my commitment be if I allow even slight obstacles to rob me of my sense of well-being? . . . If I have a long-standing habit of responding to problems by feeling like a victim, it may not be easy to stand by my decision to be happy."  Courage to Change (p. 212)

"Tried good; Thought I could - It'd be mine; If I would."
"Ceased trying; Long road - Found in Christ; Loving mode."   Am I a Poet?

July 29th - Live a peaceful or exciting life?

The story...

People in their 60's often tell me about the exciting things they want to do with their free time that wasn't available within the last few stages of life.  Attention to their duties of life prevented them from living the "good life" that they expect to experience with that RV, second house, doting on grand children, extended vacations, bigger barn, hobby, tower building, financial investments, physical endurance feats, novel writing, life trophy...  Now, they're "free" to live the good life - self actualizing.

Why was this "good life" not available to them during the bulk of their more productive and capable years?  I expect that this question is worthy of self reflection - getting to the root cause(s).

Some people seem to resent my vision of the "good life" - living a peaceful life humbly walking with God in the present - enjoying interactions with people, creation, and His presence.  Practicing loving the Lord my God with all my heart, mind and soul and my neighbor as myself.  That seems like a worthy overarching goal - a North Star.

I hope that people in the only church in town would be free to be honest with themselves and the reality of what God's revealed for us.  His Word says He desires to enjoy those whose hearts are His and that we can enjoy walking humbly with Him too in the midst of all life circumstances.  The pull of the actualities of people's lives into "the world" will continually challenge truths revealed in God's Word.  Yet, they'll witness the effects of "That Than Which There is No Greater."  Why not trust God and be thankful?

Just for today...

"Quiet can be achieved with complete silence, but if the silence has in it even a trace of anger or hostility, it loses all its power . . . Most angry words have no basis in logic or reason anyway, so why need they hurt me?"  One Day at a Time (p. 211)

"Peacefully quiet; Thoughts emerge - God receives; He restores."
"He gives; Spirit indwells - Purposely arise; I'm His."    Am I a Poet?

July 28th - Living in the present - takes time

The story...

"What are you thinking about right now?"  I remember asking that question to multiple people who answered with their response: "nothing."  Since I seemed to be constantly thinking about things, I interpreted their feedback as not being very self-aware, hiding their thoughts, self-medicated, or merely being a non-contemplative personality.  To my knowledge, it never crossed my mind that they might be living in, and experiencing, the "present" as opposed to living in the "past" or "future."

How did I wake up to the value of living in the present?  A significant personal issue led me along a path of brokenness and obsession.  I mulled over probable causes for the turmoil and searched for those who contributed to the problem.  I was obsessing over the situation and it was affecting me negatively - physically, mentally, spiritually, and relationally.  I met with a group of people, who had experienced similar life brokenness, and they taught me the value of living in the present where life, the Spirit of God, and real relationships are worked out in reality.

I practiced, living in the present, while hiking in the woods.  When obsessive thinking about the past or future began to weigh heavy upon my shoulders; I figuratively brushed them off with my hand.  I focused on my five senses and better experienced what was going on in my environment, my heart, and my spirit too.  The process of "living in the present" took about two years to integrate into the actualities and patterns of my life - wonderfully changed to a more whole and truer me.

I've been told that living too much in the past leads to depression and that living too much in the future leads to prolonged anxiety - that rang true to me.  Living in the present, where actual life and God are, clearly seems to be the best way to experience reality, relationships, love, and that seemingly illusive good and satisfying life.  You just may find all joy and hope there too (Romans 15:13).

The people visiting the only church in town may witness love and the value of living within God's presence.  He performed the great work to offer relationship-busting sin forgiveness to all who believe and trust Him and His Word.   That sin separated us from living "the good life" in the "present" walking humbly with God (Micah 6:8) - true peace positioned in Him.

Just for today...

"A stonecutter may strike a rock ninety-nine times with no apparent effect, not even a crack on the surface.  Yet with the hundredth blow, the rock splits in two. It was not the final blow that did the trick, but all that had gone before . . . The results may have revealed themselves abruptly, but I know that all those months of faith and hard work made the change possible."  Courage to Change (p. 210)

"He did it; Beautifully true - Simply believed; Adopted son"
"New-day dawn; Eternal glimpse -Relationship bonds; Lasting anew."
"Story shared; Another believes - Body grows; Eternity views."   Am I a Poet?

July 27th - Are my boundaries helping me?

The story...

I've frequently bounced into other people's boundaries without a conscious understanding of what they were or why they were built.  Maybe a definitive book on boundaries, backed up by research, would be helpful.  The twelve chapter headings might be titled:

• Barbed wire
• Body armor
• Breakable
• Concrete
  
• Criticized
• Expanding
• God's
• Low
• Missing
• Movable
• Safety
• Transparent

Honestly, I need personal boundaries. It seems reasonable that I'd actually clarify them and review them periodically - I might even need a new one.  Boundaries seem to help us develop those healthy relationships that are key ingredients to the "good life." 

Yes, there'd be healthy boundaries within the only church in town.  People would be allowed to be themselves and grow at their own pace.  Visitors will likely enter the church with boundaries that help them cope with and work out their current lives.  Those boundaries will probably change as the Spirit of God penetrates their lives and as they grow within the safety and grace of God.

Just for today...

"I believed it was my responsibility to help others who could not or did not want to help themselves . . . Doing for other didn't allow them to be responsible; it enabled them to be irresponsible. Caretaking robs others of the self-esteem that comes from struggling with and conquering the challenges that God has planned for their lives."  Hope for Today (p. 209)

"We must alter our lives in order to alter our hearts, for it is impossible to live one way and pray another."  William Law

"Flesh wants this; He wants that - God's fruit's best; Growin hurts."
"Fruit ripens; God reaps - Veil lifted; We're home."    Am I a Poet?

July 26th - Why listen to them?

The story...

Some people seem to love other people better and more naturally listen to them.  Yet, most people seem to be primarily focused on themselves and find it difficult to really listen to and care for others.  I experienced most of my life trying to be a good listener; but, my mind naturally drifted back to me and my aims.  Self-help listening methods seemed to help me be a better listener; yet, my inner-man continued to be primarily focused on me.

Manfred Mann's Earth Band (1976)

My heart has changed and I now do love other people more and truly want to understand them and their stories.  I believe it's partially the work of the Spirit of God and His presence in my life.  Praise God that I'm freer to love and be loved.

Why would I choose to return to a more self-focused life?  I greatly value my relationships and listening to better understand.  Seeking first to understand truly is an important part of both starting and growing relationships.

Yes, I'd choose to attend the only church in town, share the Word of God, and work out my faith with co-sojourners.  I am a Christ-one and will be no other.

Just for today...

"As a child in a _______ home, I wasn't encouraged to share my viewpoints. When I did, I didn't feel as though anyone was listening. Someone always ended up walking away hurt or angry. . .  I've learned not to use my authority to push my viewpoint or to punish someone for disagreeing with me. I've also learned to avoid controversy by listening and encouraging others to share their viewpoints when making decisions."  Hope for Today (p. 208)

"We can't seem to get around to thinking about what we may be doing that damages us. . . Do I seek relief from my resentments by retaliation, instead of forgiveness? . . .What shall it profit a man to be right if he thereby make an enemy?"  One Day at a Time (p. 208)

"God grows people; Here on earth - He indwells His; Meet Him here."
"He ushers home; His in Christ - To His presence; Thy perfect fit."    Am I a Poet?

July 25th - Didn't get the approval you desired?

The story...

It felt good to receive good grades in elementary school.  It was easy to remember the assignment and recite it back to the teacher. John, Jill and I had the best memories in the class.  I could look at the letter grade on my paper and quickly compare it with those around me - I was better.  This changed in middle school - learning required more practice and there were more people. 

My seventh grade math class was situated in a trailer outside the school and the curriculum allowed kids to learn at their own pace.  When I got too far ahead, my teacher asked me to help those who were struggling.  I tried to help one particular guy, he seemed to resent my efforts and stole my set of colored pencils.  He and I were very different and naturally gravitated to different groups of 7th or 8th graders.  I sought respect within academics and he from being like the cool "tough" kids.

I don't remember studying at home - I must've; but, I don't remember it.  In high school, I took a strange sort of pride from rarely taking text books home - the academic role didn't seem to fit me anymore.  I made few attempts to please my teachers.  It was almost as though I rejected my teacher's authority before they rejected and "graded" me.  College was a similar experience; yet, most of the students in the engineering curriculum were naturally intelligent and motivated to learn.

It seems that we all desired approval; but, I tended to reject the evaluators before they rejected me.   Yes, it seems I feared rejection and built a sort of protective shield.  I felt group acceptance by being the story-telling guy rather than working out and living out the more real and natural me.  

The only church in town would offer the grace necessary for loving people as they are.  People will feel more safe and loved when they take their masks off and find people who they can related to and grow with.  Might accepted and loved people more freely receive the love of God and His presence through other people?

Just for today...

"Why did I continue to deny my own feelings to gain someone's approval? . . . Was I able to face the real me behind the people-pleasing image?  Do I say what I mean and mean what I say?" Courage to Change (p. 207)

"As we abandon the role of accuser, judge and manager, the home climate shows marked improvement.  A pleasant, cheerful environment..."  One Day at a Time (p. 207)

"They're different; I want in - Pretend to be; Seem like them."
"Lost myself; Lies seem kind - Adrift at sea; Need a Savior."
"Heard God's truth; From preacher man - Trusted God; More like Him."
"Ain't going back; Loved and secure - God grows people; Takes 'em home."   Am I a Poet?

July 24th - God created me with a will but it isn't His.

The story...

That Friday trip to Ludington State Park, on on my new yellow-KLR motorcycle, was wonderful.  I rode a new route and saw things that I'd previously ignored.  It seems I was often rushing in a quest to either get to a better place or to rush home as quickly as possible. 

Wow! Ludington Pumped Storage Plant

The weather was good, the people were friendly, the waitress was extra helpful, and the state park looked just like I left it - there were nice improvements.  Yet, the highlight of my trip plan was to cast a yellow-red Daredevil spoon off of the Lake Hamlin sand dunes - I imagined catching that Northern Pike.  I planned for it, willed it, hiked there, had the stuff, and even the weather to make it happen. Yes, I was attempting to "bend" reality according to my will.  To my dismay, the area had too many boats and my secondary fishing site had two people wading in the bay!  My imagined reality wasn't going to happen.

I prayed a short prayer of thankfulness and remembered that God's will wasn't my will  Obviously, He has a different and righter plan than I could imagine.  So, I walked back to the parking lot with maybe five casts - silver, #3 Mepps spinner, no buck tail - along the way.  I sat down on a bench and closed my eyes for a few minutes.  The scene was comfortable, peaceful, and the sounds of the kids playing at the beach were joyful.  I gathered myself, picked up my rod, and sauntered along the shoreline to the dam.  There was an old man fishing below the dam who shared that he had no luck.  He wished me the best and on my third cast I caught the Pike I had hoped for - it was a joyful experience.

I do wear a big shoe...

There were always reasons for doing what I've done in my life.  I've made a series of reasonable choices, within the confines of my environment(s) and capabilities, to end up here.  Good situations sometimes resulted in increasing pride and smugness that led to downfalls while trials often resulted in a better, more capable, and thankful, me.  Yes, I'm thankful for all my life thus far.

God made us with a will to work out our life while He intervenes through His sovereign will as He wishes.  We can ignore Him and reap the consequences of a self-willed life, trying to bend reality, or trust Him and experience increasing heart-felt joy and peace.  How could our will ever come close to the will of God for our lives?

The only church in town would share God's revealed truth for both eternity and this life too.  They'd share scripture like 1 Corinthians 15 so that people might hear and believe in God's provision for us, His creatures.  What an awesome wonder to be able to humbly and rightly walk with God in Christ. 

Just for today...

"At that moment of smug self-righteousness, God decided to send me a spiritual awakening. He told me that perhaps they understood more about Him than I did.  After all, they were the ones who were happy and free, filled with peace. Perhaps I could learn something from them if I opened my mind enough to listen and opened my heart enough to risk getting involved..."  Hope for Today (p. 206)

"Plan tomorrow; Live today - Think eternity; Honestly be."   Am I a Poet?

July 23rd - Bending reality according to my will?

The story...

There are reasons for why I did the things that I did.  Reasons for the good and reasons for the not so good.  Sometimes I ignored information and put on rose-colored glasses to gloss over the truths that would prevent me from working out my will.

Ambervision glasses were good - the world looked better

I learned to be more honest with me and my situation; understanding more fully, albeit incompletely, the way God views my condition and life.  With this in mind, why do I continue to have resentments, for what other people did, crop up into my mind?  I know that the self-absorbed thoughts aren't good for me, or anybody else; yet, they seem to reside somewhere, dormant, in the back of my mind.  Do I keep them to reduce the risk of a reoccurrence?

People within the only church in town will need healthy boundaries to work out their faith and life amongst the wide range of people who're likely working out their phase of life the best they can too.  Maybe life is better without attempts to bend reality.  Honest humility seems likely to gain trust in God and maybe a few close friends too.  Truly, rest and peace can be found walking humbly trusting God.

Just for today...

"I am no longer a victim, full of self-pity and bent on control of every aspect of my life." Courage to Change (p. 205)

"Resentments mark the place where I see myself as a victim . . . Feeling resentments was like drinking poison and hoping that the other person would die! . . .  What do I get out of feeling like a victim? . . . I felt protected by my resentments. They acted as a barbed-wire fence to keep away the people I felt had hurt me.  The problem was I kept pricking my own skin on the barbs.  I also was comfortable with my resentments."  Hope for Today (p. 205)

"Hurtin others; Leaks a soul - Eyes off me; Fills our bowl."   Am I a Poet?

July 22nd - Drop the Cloaking Shields and Relate

The story...

I attended a week-night class, at our church, when I was 64.  I sat in the same seat next to three people who were significantly different from me.  Each evening, the leader would break us into small groups to answer two questions.  The second question normally opened the opportunity for our "guards" to be lowered.  We listened more closely to each other's inner person - their heart.   As you might guess, we became good friends and I loved each of them more deeply than most people at our church.  Those three relationships were an unexpected blessing to me.

There were other people in the class who I've known much longer than my three new friends.  I don't share the same type of relationship with them.  I probably could but I don't.

Thankfully I stayed curious + made friends

The only church in town would be a place where it might seem normal for a person to meet another co-sojourner and ask earnestly "how's your heart today?"  And, you might perform a 3-sec.self-inventory and respond that you are both thankful and joyful despite the circumstances that you're currently experiencing.

Just for today...

"I don't have to like everybody, but I want to look deeper to find the spirit that we share in common . . . I will keep an open mind toward each person I encounter today. If I am ready to learn, anyone can be my teacher."  Courage to Change (p. 204)

"Stranger speaks; Truly listen - Care to know; Hearts glisten."   Am I a Poet?

July 21st - Do birdfeeders help or hurt?

The story...

I've enjoyed feeding birds.  Surely, they don't need seed in May but seem to appreciate it the rest of the year.  We can sense the community of nature around our house and feeders.  The squirrels, turkey and deer search the area for fallen seed.  More birds seem to live and nest in the area. Our chunk of the woods seems more alive and vibrant.  The sound of song birds contribute to a sense of peacefulness.

The bird feeding naysayers say that the bird population might rise artificially to an unsustainable level, or it's a waste of time and money, or they may catch diseases from their close proximity to each other, or the woodpeckers will tear our house up, or we'll stop feeding them and upset the ecosystem.  The costs of living in a bird community are too high - the birds must live independently in order to survive.

Turkeys, squirrel, & deer must wish they'd get at the source of that seed.

The only church in town will be kind of like my bird feeder.  People congregate and feed from the Word of God together.  The people are different and don't always get along yet they need each other.  It certainly is a place to spread summer colds.  The quality of the food delivery can vary and some will say "idealistically" it should be different.  Yet, the source is available to them - truth from the Word God.

As for me and my house, we plan on continuing to enjoy feeding the birds and feeding our hearts, minds, souls, and spirits along with our fellow sojourners within the Body of Christ - the church.

Just for today...

"At best my family had poor communication or none at all. It seemed no one was available to help me. In fact, I usually was the recipient of criticisms and complaints. Instead of feeling united with my family, I felt isolated and alone."  Hope for Today (p. 203)

"When I let go of a situation, I allow life to unfold according to that plan. I open my mind and let other ways of thinking or behaving enter in. When I let go of another person, I am affirming their right to live their own life, to make their own choices, and to grow as they experience the results of their actions."  Courage to Change (p.203)

"There's no wren; Song's lost - Quit feeding 'em; Worth the cost?"   Am I a Poet?

July 20th - Live in an imaginary reality?

The story...

Males in my mother's and father's families were all balding except for one.  My receding hairline and "spot" were visible in my wedding pictures.  I knew it was happening; but, it crept up slowly.  Then, there was the day that my friend who cut my hair, Penny, reached for the electric cutter rather than the scissors.  She admitted that trimmers would do just as good as scissors.  Did we have to give up our regular meetings and friendship?  The day that I finally accepted that I was bald and began cutting my own hair was a good one.  I let loose of the old and accepted the reality of the new.  Actually, there're advantages living in the reality of being a bald guy.  I could list a few, that you might not be aware of, but that's not what this story's about.

Living within the reality of our actual: environment, mental state, physical condition, and spiritual experience is the best place to be - peace, well being, and joy can be found there.  Living in an imaginary place, within any of these dimensions, is like living in a house of cards.  Maybe hyped-up emotions are an indicator or sign that you might be living outside reality.  Might those over reactions, and need to do exciting stuff with amped-up emotions, indicate a life lived in the uncomfortable state of an imagined reality?   Are our emotions like gauges that might give us clues as to "What's going on?"

"What's going on?"  4 Non-Blondes

The only church in town would be a place where you can find out what's going on.  People who reach out in love may ask you.  And, most importantly, you can hear and better understand what God has revealed about what's really going on.

Just for today...

"By clutching at what we most want to keep, we lose it all the more rapidly . . . By letting go of our efforts to influence the future, we become freer to experience the present, to feel all of our feelings while they are happening, and to more full enjoy those precious moments of joy with which we are blessed."  Courage to Change (p. 202)

"Squinting skews; Headphone fetter - Imagining's good; Reality's better."   Am I a Poet?

July 19th - Why didn't you just ask?

The story...

I ran quickly ran down the stairs on Christmas morning and saw it.  There it was!   It was blue, my favorite color, shiny, tall and a 5-speed.  My parents bought me a man-sized bike for Christmas!  I don't remember begging for it - I might've.  Maybe my mother felt my need when she saw that other kids had full-sized bikes and that I was still riding the hand-me-down bike.  Maybe they felt obligated to give it to me because they did the same for my older siblings.  It was a real need and it was met well.  It might've been part of the reason that I accepted a paper route that I kept for four years.  That paper route helped shape me into a better, more capable, person.  The paper route prepared me to accept my job as the drug-store delivery boy.  And the drug-story delivery boy job prepared me for...  Yes, that bike was a need that was worth asking for.

Mine wasn't a Schwinn but it did have a rack on the back.

I wanted so many things that I didn't ask for.  Why?  Maybe, I didn't' think that people would want to give them to me.  Or, I was comfortable with the way things were even though they weren't great.  Maybe, I developed coping skills that told me that I was better off than others and I didn't need anything.  Or, I didn't know if I was capable of using the thing if I got it.  Maybe, if I got it, I might lose it someday. Or, maybe I simply feared rejection.  Maybe, I wanted to be loved above all other things and the "no" answer would move the possibility of being loved even further away...

The only church in town would be a safe place where your need for love might best be understood and at least partially fulfilled.   Yes, our ultimate need is to love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind and strength.  And, to love our neighbor as ourself too.  That kind of stuff sounds worth asking for.

Just for today...

"If I want or need something, I have to let someone know.  I need to ask, which means taking risks.  Maybe my request will be granted; maybe it won't.  If it is, great. If it isn't, I'll still feel better for having asked, and then I can move on to someone else who might be able to help me."  Hope for Today (p. 201)

"Walls are solid and rigid; they keep others out, and they keep me trapped inside.  Boundaries are flexible, changeable, removable, so it's up to me how open or closed I'll be at any given time.  They let me me decide what behavior is acceptable, not only from others but from myself."  Courage to Change (p. 201)

"Maybe I'll ask; What'll happen? - Don't know; Let's find out."   Am I a Poet?

July 18th - No Man is an Island - Thomas Merton

The story...

The life of a monk, I'll never experience.  I do aspire to have the ability to write honestly and robustly about the actualities of my life and faith.  My ability to communicate my reality is hampered by my: limited communication skills; ability to understand my own heart; the few people I share the reality of my faith with; and the interference that my "self" causes within this "bent" world. 

I'm so thankful for the faithful life of Thomas Merton - his honest description of his life journey, his faithful walk in Christ, and his ability to describe it so accurately and succinctly.  Contemplating his paragraph copied and cited below is helpful.  I'm not able to add to what he so succinctly presents - just for today.

Just for today...

"To consider persons and events and situations only in the light of their effect upon myself is to live on the doorstep of hell.  Selfishness is doomed to frustration, centered as it is upon a lie. To live exclusively for myself, I must make all things bend themselves to my will as if I were a god. But this is impossible. Is there any more cogent indication of my creaturehood than the insufficiency of my own will? For I cannot make the universe obey me. I cannot make other people conform to my own whims and fancies. I cannot make even my own body obey me.  When I give it pleasure, it deceives my expectation and makes me suffer pain. When I give myself what I conceive to be freedom, I deceive myself and find that I am the prisoner of my own blindness and selfishness and insufficiency."   Merton, Thomas, No Man is an Island (1955) (p. 24)

"I will not resist the impact of a new idea.  It may be just the one I've needed without being aware of it. I will make my mind more flexible and receptive to new points of view."  One Day at a Time (p. 200)

"... I can plant a seed in fertile soil, but I don't help the plant to grow by tugging at the seed in hope that it will sprout. I have to let the process unfold at its own pace."  Courage to Change (p. 200)

"You're new; I'm all known - Listen close; Seeds are sown." 
"Test anew; Wear awhile - Adapt and Grow; Gotta smile."
"Share the change; Others do - We're better; From me and you."     Am I a Poet?

July 17th - Staying okay within healthy boundaries

The story...

Our dog buddy was old and sick.  We loved him.  We took him to the vet and they confirmed that his life was ending.  I held him while he breathed his last.  My eyes are watering as I recall those moments.  I wasn't okay - the reality of death stinks.  It shouldn't be that way, but it was.

If I can't be okay, unless all those who I care about are okay, then I'll never be okay.  Surely, its logical that the best way for me to be helpful for others is to come from a place of strength, peace, and "okayness."  

What does it take to be okay?  Maybe its being honest about my past, present, and future - more humble.  Maybe it takes working on meaningful relationships while allowing the other person(s) to be truthful and okay as they are.  "Okayness" that isn't based on reality seems fragile and temporary at best.

Funerals shine a big light on the reality of this game of life.  If your saving faith in God's provision for your today and eternity is weak; then, it takes a bit of pretending to be okay.  The only church in town will mourn at the death of one of their own while the funeral will profess their reason for hope and "okayness."  Yes, I'm okay in Christ - God said so, I believe so, I experience it in a veiled sort of way, and I'll walk today in that reality.  It could've been different; but, it isn't.

Just for today...

"Because my fate - my very life - was no longer tied directly to theirs, I was able to accept them for who they were and to listen to their ideas and concerns without trying to exercise control."  Courage to Change (p. 199)

"Though I was attempting in good faith to arrive at an agreeable solution, I was repeatedly met with sarcasm.  After a time I said that if the sarcasm persisted, I would not participate any further . . . I gained respect from the other person when I matched my intentions with my actions."  Hope for Today (p. 199)

"Okay this morn; Being together - Liven it out; Fresh tomorrow."   Am I a Poet?

July 16th - EGO maintenance or replacement?

The story...

A Human Resources representative delivered a 360 degree performance evaluation to me and summarized the feedback that she received with one phrase: "It's all about you."  I appreciated the honest feedback yet it stung.  Sure I talk about me and what I'm interested in most.  Who else's ideas could I share?  Okay, I didn't know the names of my work-group's family members - why is that a problem?  I'm a story teller, who else's stories can I tell?  The feedback was valuable and I never forgot it.  It took effort and courage to develop and deliver that feedback to me - I'm extremely grateful that she succinctly delivered the feedback in a manner that I actually accepted.  My self awareness grew much that day.

So, my ego is that part of my conscience mind which I consider myself.  It's who I'm referring to when I use the word "I."  Is it a worthy endeavor to better understand and value my ego?  When does self-awareness and development turn that nasty corner toward narcissism?   Am, I lovable as I am?  Can I love me without being consumed by self-love and falling into loneliness and despair?  What's a healthy level of self-esteem?

My favorite verse of the bible is a wish that the Apostle Paul sends to a congregation of people in Rome whom he'd never met.  I wish the same thing for me and for you too.  

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13 NASB

The "egos" who walk into the only church in town would find what they're looking for in a right relationship with God and His community.  There they hear about a more healthy ego that enables a person to live a more satisfying, joyful, peaceful, and fruitful life.  Hopefully they'll witness, meet, and walk with people who're trusting in God.

Why is it so hard for a man to bend his knee and trust in God and His provision for the "good" life?  Why is faith in God and His Word soo... elusive for most people?  The self seems to rebel against this threat to it's supreme authority and preeminence.  It's almost like our old self is trying to save itself from being transformed from that caterpillar to the butterfly - we live in a "bent" world.

Just for today...

"Maturity is the capacity to withstand ego-destroying experiences, and not lose one's perspective in the ego-building experiences."  Robert K. Greenleaf

“Despair is the absolute extreme of self-love. It is reached when a person deliberately turns his back on all help from anyone else in order to taste the rotten luxury of knowing himself to be lost.”  Thomas Merton

"Creature adrift; Creator let go - Proudly alone; Mirror says so."
 "Ray of light; Life's release - Trusting Christ; All joy and peace." Am I a Poet?

July 15th - Honest or Complacent?

The story...

Most friends would characterize me as being an honest person; however, I've worked out my "honesty" differently throughout my life.  We all know that you don't share a poor opinion regarding the beauty of a mother's new baby.  When your spouse comes home with a radically different haircut, you don't question the decision or openly say it looks bad.  On a bigger scale, what do you say when the king's not wearing pants and the whole community pretends to ignore the obvious truth?

Hans Christian Andersen, 1837

The opinions we form, value and defend might be part of this dilemma.  You may think we need to think like the group to remain accepted or valued - that might be part of the problem.  The continual quest to be and think like the "best" might be part of the problem.  Working out our life as a sort of "random walk" might be part of the problem.  Staying complacent and sticking with, and self-justifying, our current way of behaving is likely part of the problem.

Maybe the problem solution includes a stable code of values, principles, or core tenets regarding how we live our life.  Yet, even if the code we live by is sound, how do we relate with others whose code is different, changing, or directly opposed to ours?  I expect that the answer will likely include demonstrating, and expressing, dignity and respect toward all humans no matter where they currently are within their life journey.  We'll all likely grow together as we express love towards each other, let our guards down some, and begin to better understand each other within closer relationships.

The only church in town will focus on the truth of God's revealed Word.  The truth includes grace in Christ for both me and you too - grace that we may extend to each other.  Honesty is an important part of every relationship.  Are you rightly related to God through Christ?

Just for today...

"Complacency simply means being sure we're right, taking it for granted that our view couldn't possibly be wrong. It means judging others by what we think is right. It blocks out understanding and kindness, and justifies qualities in ourselves that we wouldn't find tolerable in other people."  One Day at a Time (p. 197)

"Okay I am, Rather lame? - Should I grow?; Remain the same?"
"Christ in me; This is true - He does good; So brand new."    Am I a Poet?

July 14th - Reacting like Quick Draw McGraw?

The story...

I'm standing between the elevators on the sixth floor of Knapp Hall, Murray House, in an angry confrontation with another college student.  There're about a dozen fellow students watching this play out - it looked like it was about to come to blows.  Strangely, and in a mocking way, I say "I still love you ..."  I was shocked to see his resistance instantly melt away with him apologizing for his side of the offense.  I stood there dumbfounded by what just occurred.

Knapp Hall, Ames, IA

Oh... the things that offended me as a child, adolescent, adult and yesterday.  Sometimes I: reacted quickly, paused before reacting, let it stew, tried to ignore it, discredited the sender, imagined it never happened, continued to resent, or even privately forgave.  Was it possible to show empathy towards the sender?  Might I've ignored the initial sense of unfairness and sought to understand first?  Might this "fire hose" of emotions been a signal of an interpersonal problem that needed to be addressed?

Surely, there're relationships that can be detrimental to one or both parties and need to be diminished. Yet, even these "breakups" will likely best work out under the umbrella of respect.

The only church in town will be bathed in grace and forgiveness.  Each person makes a reasonable series of choices that leads them to the point of confrontation.  "What's love got to do with it?"  He forgives all sins in Christ and restores relationships with repentant sinners who walk humbly with Him.  There's no better place to be found than in Christ - "I'm with Him!"

Just for today...

"Making amends has helped me to put the past behind me and move on with a clear conscience.  My self-esteem has grown ever since, and I feel much better about myself."  Courage to Change (p. 196)

"Its not easy to restrain ourselves from reacting to what others do that seems to affect us.  A healthy detachment brings about the very changes we were powerless to make by continually fighting the problem."  One Day at a Time (p. 196)

"Missing that; See it there - Want it now; Life ain't fair."
"Reality's true; To and fro - Eyes are veiled; He is so..."   Am I a Poet?

July 13th - Living the reality of the "present."

The story...

As a boy; one summer time - the hopes and dreams of activities, growth, happiness, and good relationships didn't happen as I hoped.  Sadly, I remember thinking, "well, the summer's over for everybody else too" - it didn't make any difference whether my summer was good or bad.

Sunflower in August

If my current-self could sit down with my old-self, what would I share with him to give him a "jump start" on life?   How might I help him heal the wounds in my old-self's heart?  Sadly, I don't know what I'd say; yet, I believe that I'd express my sincere love for him.  How would he sense and know that love?

Who knows those hidden secrets for living the good life?  Was there a book that I could've shared with him?  Might I've shared with him the good stuff that actually would occur in his life?  Should I've told him to invest all of his money into ownership shares of Microsoft so that he would be "all set?"

The good that's come to me was centered on living in the present with a right relationship with God in Christ.  It's good to love God, love myself as He does in Christ, and more naturally love other people too.  I imagine a good life kinda looking like that really big sunflower.  Hmm, maybe I'd take my old self to see a field of really big sunflowers and share the reality of my most precious relationships?

The only church in town would be a safe place for that younger version of me to be introduced to the love of God worked out through people with skin on them - those who're still in the world of the living.   A place where true joy and happiness can be found while living in the present.

Just for today...

"How many days of my life have I wasted? . . . I rejected overtures of friendship from co-workers so that I could fret, uninterrupted about what was bothering me . . . When my worries and sorrows cloak me, the laughter and sunshine of the everyday world seem inappropriate to the way I feel.  Who is out of sync - the rest of the world or me? . . . Today I will live in the present and find what I can enjoy there."  Courage to Change (p. 195)

"Sun sets; Day's done - Reflections fade; Had I won?"
"Relationships measure; Lasting stuff - Love lasts; It's enough."   Am I a Poet?

July 12th - Living relationships

The story...

The people I normally congregate with planned a different kind of event where we spent a full Saturday together - all together on a big bus.  I invited two of my long-term friends to go with us - one said yes and the other said yes only because of the first friend's enthusiasm to go. 

Not the bus we went on yet it looks "fun."

It seemed that after about eight hours the initial anxieties and awkwardness of being in a new group melted away - we felt a bit more rested and content together.  On the way home, the person who was reluctant to go, sat across the table from me eating the largest Arby's roast beef.  They shared that the event was much better than they expected and they were glad that they came; but, he had one question.  I had introduced him to a person within the group whom I described as a best friend who I often shared ideas, questions, learnings, concerns, and spiritual life realities with.  So, what was his question?  "Have you ever shared bad stuff about me with him?"   

I paused as I reflected on the question.  I was surprised that I actually had no "bad stuff "that I knew about my friend.  And, I had no bad feelings or thoughts about any other person either.  At least at that moment, I truly did feel acceptance and respect for all people just as they were.   I was able to truthfully say to him: "Actually, I don't have bad thoughts about anybody and certainly not you.  No, I didn't share bad stuff about you."  He replied: "That's good."

Within the only church in town, people would find compassion for all, just the way they are.  They'd learn about the reality of who they are in Christ.  They'd be enabled to love God and themselves too.   That's the source of strength from which we can truly have compassion for all.  Praise God in Christ - "grace, grace, wonderful grace."

Just for today...

"The more scared I was the more I tried to control.  Fear reared its ugly head particularly in my belief that I wasn't good enough or smart enough to have joyful, trusting and intimate relationships.  Instead of allowing myself to connect with others, I would often avoid them."  Hope for Today (p. 194)

"I can focus on myself and still be a loving, caring person . . . Encouraging and being kind to others is one way of being good to myself, and I don't have to sacrifice myself in the process . . . Today I will offer support for those I love and still take care of myself."  Courage to Change (p. 194)

"If you would be loved, love, and be loveable."  Benjamin Franklin

"You're you; Warts an all - In reality; We stand tall."   Am I a Poet?

July 11th - Even if...

The story...

I regret the times that my emotions got the better of me and I reacted quickly by lashing out at other people.  I treated my band director with public disrespect, I hit one fellow student in the face with a textbook, I threw an ice-cream boat towards the face of another, I went on two different long tirades condemning people for their wrongs toward someone I cared deeply for, I yelled at a co-worker in the middle of the office...   I might've let them be and focused on my role in the situation - actually being a better character in the story of life.  I wish these events didn't happen; but, they did.

Gary has to answer the question "whose your daddy?"  It's not hard to imagine the emotions that're swirling around Gary's head.  Yet, he suppresses those emotions and begins a path that stretches and grows him towards a bigger and better life.  Gary's friend "Dean Martin" stands firm and refuses to grow - he misses out.

"Whose your daddy Gary?"

Will I still be okay if this or that happens?  Will I treat others with love and respect even if they...?  Am I okay no matter what?  

I'll have emotional responses to the hard happenings that come my way; but, I can choose how I respond or react.  It does take practice to delay my response from those emotional triggers.  Some say that feelings last no more than 90 seconds yet we can keep restimulating them with our thought patterns.  Oh... the perils of obsessive thinking.

The only church in town will witness each person growing throughout their lives.  I hope that the people will actually "be" who they are in Christ rather than "try" to be good people.  The heat of the battles of life seem to expose who we are.  The Sprit of God, within a saving relationship with Him, transforms His creatures.

Just for today...

Why not trade the worrisome thoughts of "what if" with "even if?"

"When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred."  Thomas Jefferson

"Hidden truth; Seen by Light - Changes folks; Dark to bright."   Am I a Poet?

July 10th - Curious George

The story...

Curious George was my favorite storybook character.  I was surprised and sad when the librarian told me that I'd read the whole series.  There were no more Curious George books to read - "no, that can't be!"  George was true to his nature, as a monkey, but loved and respected the man in the yellow hat who often saved him from the troubles that he inevitably encountered.  George wondered what if..., or where might..., or how does..., or who is..., or what will that do?  George pushed the limits and experienced a more full and adventurous life - he didn't "play it safe."

I expect the book series was popular because people want to experience a "bigger" life; but, they play it safe to avoid risks of failure, rejection, injury...  Yet, playing it safe often results in a more isolated, smaller, anxious, and lonely self.  I'm thankful for every close relationship and new experience that helped stretch the boundaries of life.  Yes, when I'm okay with myself as I am, I'm more free to enjoy other people just as they are too.  Wow, what a neat thing to be truly interested in the lives of the other pilgrims who're traveling alongside us.  

I wonder what will happen today, who I will meet, or how the Lord will work His way through the lives of those who are His. Yes, I'm thankful to be a curious sort.

The only church in town would include many who greatly value their relationships.  The source of their willingness to be curious will be the peace they currently enjoy in God through Christ - they risk experiencing love with a strong sense that they're okay.  This best relationship can serve as a foundation for taking our eyes off ourselves and truly, and more honestly, toward others.

Just for today...

"I won't let old, limiting ideas and doubts go unchallenged.  I may discover strengths and talents that never had the chance to come to light."  Courage to Change (p. 192)

"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours."  Richard Bach.

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their mind to be."  Abraham Lincoln

"Shoulda; oughta - Gotta; Must."
"You can't; It won't - Try it; You'll see."
"Freedom rang; First stepped - Life began; It's me."
"Kindness felt; Eyes saw - Love's real; Pain an all."   Am I a Poet?

July 9th - Are you coping by denying reality?

The story...

The orthopedic surgeon showed me an MRI picture of my spine - the source of my misery.  Yes, there was a surgical method to control or "fix" the problem.  To help put the surgery choice in perspective; he showed me an MRI image of an old woman's spine that looked like a stack of crumbled bones - "she lived pain free."  How did she live without pain?  He said she was a peaceful woman whose back muscles were relaxed.  If she tensed her strong back muscles around those crumbled bones then she surely could've produced pain and all the anxieties that go along with it.

I chose the surgery option and it was successful.  For a season, I experienced relief from the pain caused from my back muscle tension around my crumbling spine and that bundle of nerves.  My reality was less restrictive and enjoyable then my past reality with the Spondylolisthesis.  I'm glad I faced the reality of my situation and chose what seemed to be the best option.  There were many who offered their do-nothing opinion based on the fearful consequences and peril that my surgery decision might mean.

Within the only church in town, attenders will witness those who live a peaceful life throughout the inevitable circumstances of each stage of life.  They will witness real and fruitful relationships with God and people who seem to actually love themselves in Christ and their neighbors too.  No, His Word reveals He didn't create us and leave us all alone.

A dishonest life? .. Sleepless in Seattle

Just for today...

"What kind of stuff is self-pity made of, that it can entrench in my mind and keep me miserable? . . . Self pity comes from concentrating on the negative aspects of life. . . To expect life to be tailored to our specifications is to invite frustration."  One Day at a Time (p. 191)

"... many of us coped with an ever-changing situation in which our sense of reality changed from one minute to the next . . . we were devastated because reality didn't go away just because it was ignored.  Our lives will remain unmanageable as long as we pretend that only half of the truth is real . . .  I can't cope with something unless I acknowledge its reality."  Courage to Change (p. 191)

"This is true; Light says so - It's still true; If'n I say NO!"   Am I a Poet?