January 24th - Your car has a manual

The story...

Our '22 Subaru's car manuals are at least 3" thick.  I've looked at them a few times - they're helpful.  Normally, I'll go to a search engine to find: my windshield wiper lengths, the right light bulb, or how to replace the cabin air filter.  Yet, sometimes I need to learn about the car and I'm not really sure what to ask.  Then, I go to the manual to learn about the car - often I'm surprised of what I didn't know or ask.

Once upon a time,  I purchased a new dishwasher and installed it myself.  Our family actually gathered and we took turns reading the manual.  We actually learned what all the buttons did and how to most efficiently, and effectively, load the dishwasher.  It was such an odd thing to do, as a family, that some of us still remember the day we learned about the dishwasher.  I still load the dishwasher the same way that we learned that day.

Are we so self reliant that we don't need to learn from anyone else - even the designers and manufacturers of the products that we purchased to serve us?  Our bodies didn't come with a manual and much of the stuff inside me remains a mystery to me.  I don't even know the vocabulary for most of my inner parts.  How do we actually function and interact?  It seems that some of us don't like to be taught anything unless we're forced to.

The totality of this blog is as thick as my Subaru manuals.  What'll I do with the completed book?  Will I print it to sit on a table at my memorial service unread?  Is my manual so different than everyone else's that it won't be applicable?  The writing process and results have certainly been helpful and joyful for me - it's helped me to be more grounded in reality.

The only church in town will study and apply the manual for living out a good and righteous life.  I've learned that the manual writers were directed to write according to the Creator's wishes.  He wishes that we know enough about Him, and what's going on inside of us, to seek, trust and be rightly related to Him.  Why?  So that we can be free from the penalty and power of sin, bear fruit, enjoy loving relationships, and live out a right relationship with God throughout our days under the sun; "now and forevermore."

Just for today...

"I will dare to be myself . . . I will be honest with myself as I do so - I will not pretend to feel what I do not feel or to want what I do not want . . . I can only learn to love myself if I am willing to learn who I am."  Courage to Change (p. 24)

"Story of life; Blogged each day - Honest reflection; Lights a way."
"His presence; Or wrath - God's lit; His path."    Am I a Poet?

January 23rd - Light of sun and Son reflecting reality

The story...

My lower-back pain, caused by pinched nerves and sore muscles, has been real and personal.  The pain taught me to behave in a way that I "think" works for me.  I feel the results and compensate in a manner that I expect best relives the discomfort while allowing me to do what I want to do.  Yet, sometimes a muscle will be sore from my stretching, exercising, or doing what I do - then I tend to stop and wait to feel better. 

When my routine doesn't work anymore - I ask a doctor for help.  They may perform an MRI to observe the hidden reality.  They show me the amount of spinal stenosis, disc bulging and protrusion, positioning, arthritis formations, damaged parts, and joint wear that naturally occur over time.

Ideal spinal alignment & posture

In December 2023, my back surgeon recommended that I try epidural shots and physical therapy to help restore me to active duty.  I was hopeful for the shots but had little hope for the therapy.  I was discouraged - I wanted the surgeon to just fix me and restore me to "normal."

My physical therapist spoke a new reality to me from different perspectives.  She coached and encouraged me to change my routine, habits, and understanding of how my body actually works.  She shinned new light on the reality of my body, routines, habits, and physical condition.  I trusted her.

I expect that we'd all agree that self reflection at the beginning of our morning and at the end of the day would be good for us.  It's likely that we'd also agree that looking at our lives from different perspectives would help too.  Imagining a reality, that's different then what's actually going on, might provide some temporary mental comfort; yet, reality wins in the end.

Self reflection and a desire to know and understand reality is a wonderful human capability that we can choose to exercise or ignore.  The only church in town will encourage you to see reality from multiple perspectives within community and more importantly from the "Light" of  God - our creator.

Just for today...

"I choose to accept the reality of my life. I am moving in a healthy direction, growing ever more able to live a good life and to love those I meet along the way."  Courage to Change (p. 23)

"Imagined truth; Soothes pain - Reality trumps; For gain."
"Act powerful; Fragility's true - God restores; He's with you."    Am I a Poet?

January 7th - Be other than what others say

The story...

My mother didn't like the way my beard looked.  For many years, I grew a beard during the fall and shaved it on my Mother's birthday in the spring.  Often when she saw my beard she'd almost automatically say something like: "You look like some kind of dummy with that on! . . . Why don't you shave that off? . . . You look so good without it, why in the world would you do something like that? . . .  Do you know what you look like?"  She may have delivered the same message in a more polite way like:  "If it's all the same with you, would you put on this "mask" so that you can be the person I imagine you to be?"

We all receive messages about us either directly or indirectly.  These messages can lead us to question or defend our imaginary self-image - the one we internalize and project to others.  In response, we may: deny the message and discredit the sender, seek out another who'll offer the praise that our "self" desires, sulk, fight, or even conform to the image that the "group" has for us.  Might we might pop our imaginary bubble and start over with a truer self-image?

The only church in town will offer a new self image that's based on what, and who, God says we are and what we might be.  Surely, there will be some people who are acting out a "good" role.  They may even offer us a mask to "try" on so that we might conform to "their" image of what a Christian is.  I hope that we offer the mask givers grace; but, trash the mask and act out our faith in reality. 

My mother passed away from this life in January 2024 and is now with her Savior and Lord. She loved and hoped the best for me - just the way I was.  I'm so thankful for the many ways she expressed her love to me throughout my first 65 years. I continue to thank God for her - I'm an orphan now but not on my own.

Just for today...

"I care enough about myself to take a quiet half hour to relax. But if a half hour is more than I can manage, I can let that be alright. Whatever time I give to myself will be a step forward. If I can stop the wheels from turning for even a few moments, God can take charge and steer me in the right direction."  Courage to Change (p. 7)

"Nothing can hurt me unless I allow it to. When I am pained by anything that happens outside of myself, it is not that thing which hurts me, but the way I think and feel about it . . . 'God teach me to detach my mind form what others say and do, except to draw helpful lessons and guidance from them.'"  One Day at a Time (p. 7)

"Ten-minute prayer; Way to much - Forgo His blessing; Act as such."
"Abide with Him; Throughout my day - Victory won; Self Thee slay."   Am I a Poet?

January 2nd - God's intervention clarifying expectations

The story...

In 1980, I expected to: begin a career as a sales engineer selling industrial robots; marry within a couple years; invest my growing capital in corporations for continual wealth growth; buy a house; drive a convertible; experience adventurous vacations; have four kids; and continue to live out a rebellious sort of ideals - to be free.  In 1981, reality went differently than I expected.  It was as though God pulled, maybe yanked, me in His direction.  When were those key points when God seemed to directly intervene?

Here's my take on the key related factual events, listed chronologically by my age:

8.  Walked to front of neighborhood-children-evangelistic meeting and accepted Jesus the Christ as my Savior.

15. Lost and alone in the dark canoeing in the Boundary Waters, MN.  I promised to dedicate my life to God if He saved me from my predicament - I saw the light of the campfire less than one minute after making my commitment to Him.

16. Worked every other Sunday and drifted away from attending church services.

18. Fully engaged in a self-absorbed college life and stopped attending church.

22. After a period of brokenness, I read the four gospels and was surprised to learn God's story in Christ - new good news to me. Miraculous auto accident avoidance and three incredibly unlikely personal interactions with those who I now believe to have been directed by the Spirit of God.  Steve and Marlene invite me to church - I said yes.

23. Moved to Knoxville, TN and people directly intervene in my life.  They seem to've been led by the Spirit of God.  They lead me to study the Word of God - believe and "be" differently.

26. Dejected by seemingly unbearable "religious'" expectations for "trying" to live a "Christian" life.  Bill Job explains the grace of God - God works out all that's good and that I was identified with Christ and right with God solely by what Christ did for me.

28. We attend a dispensational church that more rationally interpreted God's provisions for we gentiles -  Pauline theology.  We were fully engaged in bible study and the church.

40. Kid(s) resent being told how to be good by following religious practices and principles.  They expose the difference between what we said and did - they also wanted to be free of religion.  A hyper-grace like message seemed to allow the freedom for us to walk a more "sinful" path while under the protective umbrella of the grace of God.  My prayer life might've revealed the problem.

60. Brokenness again leads me to more honestly assess my life and faith walk.  I develop more honest and close relationships while working out my faith in the Light.  I disengaged from those trying to "run" the church and gave up "trying" to be good.  I stopped attempting to fix, manage, and control other people according to what I thought was best.  Trusted by placing my hopes for me and others in the "hands of God."  My life actually began to "bear" fruit that both I, maybe others too, enjoyed.  

The only church in town will lead you to God through His Word.  They'll direct you to God's revelation of how we can have a right relationship with our Holy Creator.  They'll believe the Gospel truth of what God's already done for us in Christ.  Our work is to believe (John 6:29).

Just for today...

"... it is our expectations, not our loved ones, that have let us down . . . learn to treat our needs as important and appropriate, and to treat ourselves as deserving . . . if we stop insisting that our needs be met according to our will, we might discover that all the love and support we need is already at our fingertips."   Courage to Change (p. 2)

"I will not fall in with . . . craving for punishment to relieve his or her guilt. I will not scold and weep, for it will not overcome the difficulties that we are trapped in . . . I pray that I may stop and think before I do or say anything whatever."  One Day at a Time (p. 2)

"'Look back without staring.' As long as I kept staring at my past without experiencing my feelings about it, I stayed mired in fear, resentment, and self-pity . . . Only after I stopped long enough to feel my anguish, bitterness, and emptiness could I let them go and move ahead."   Hope for Today (p. 2)

"Five senses; Limited view - Spiritual truth; Reveal anew."   Am I a Poet?

December 29th - Plant your foot solidly and securely

 The story...

My feet had bunions, tight tendons connecting my toes, and almost no arch.  To make matters more challenging, one of my legs was/is about 1/4" longer.  Some of these limitations, and those partially caused by them, were corrected by surgery.  These changes allowed me to move more stably.

It feels good and right to plant your foot - the rest of your body parts, including the lumbar region of your spine, rely on that firm footing.  My lower back has impinged my spinal cord and sent nerve impulses to my brain which I interpreted as negative and painful.  Those "pain" signals trigger unwanted reactions, thoughts, and changes of behavior.  I wanted better.

The following article is from the 12/26/23 edition of the Wall Street Journal.  It claimed that we might change our perceptions of some of the nerve signals that originated from pinched spinal cords.  "The cause is brain sensitization rather than physical injury . . . verbally reappraising the sensations as a false alarm and noting it so that it's not considered threatening or painful."  Yes, we can live better lives by more accurately sensing, perceiving, and acting on reality.  That made sense to me and seemed like right thinking - in response, I willed to reappraise my nerve signals.  You can guess the results.

Within the only church in town you'll learn the value of placing your step solidly within God's will. That firmer foundation allows for sustainable growth centered and planted in reality - the seen and the unseen.  I'm not talking about an imaginary world where a group all agrees in a sort of blind hope.  The faith relationships works within the Light of God's revealed Word and His presence.  It's the place to be - fruit bearing along the way.

Just for today...

"Did I demand to much? Am I being confronted with a natural reprisal for my rigid, uncompromising attitude? . . . If we hurt someone or demanded to much of them, swift retribution may dismay or infuriate us . . . I may feel ever so justified in "taking a stand," but let me consider whether it was something I did that led to the crisis."  One Day at a Time (p. 364)

"Idea flits in; Shiny an new - Fun and better; Not from you."
"It's my own; Favored son - Biasedly favored; Already won."
"They object; Can't they see - The savior; It's about me."     Am I a Poet?

December 24th - Reality Acknowledged

 The story...

My desk's a mess.  True, I don't currently have a designated place to put everything and I've more stuff than I need.  Yet, I know that I can organize my desk - I've done it in the past and I've the resources to make it happen.  Being organized is better and I've got the time to do it.  In fact, I expect that I'll actually enjoy the process once I get started.  So, why don't I get started?  I understand that this introspective quality is uniquely human.  It's so freeing to be grounded closer to reality than our imaginary "world" that we create and wish to be true.  Might our best introspective efforts be an illusion?

The only church in town will receive the reality that's written in the Apostle Paul's book of Ephesians, Colossians and Philippians.  There you'll find wonderful revelations from our Creator that you won't discover through self reflection.  Why?  He revealed them to love His creatures - us.

Just for today...

"Focusing on ourselves simply means that when we acknowledge the situation as it actually is, we look at our options instead of looking at the options available to other people. We consider what is within our power to change instead of expecting others to do the changing."  Courage to Change (p. 359)

"Desk amess; Reflecting self - Cleaned mirror; Reflects Light."
"Wanna see; Mess's true - First step; Honest you."    Am I a Poet?

December 21st - Being kind and honest with you

The story...

Some dreams are nonsensical, others seem full of possible interpretations, while a few seem to call attention to a deeper meaning.  In my waking hours, my attention has been focused on the lumbar region of my lower spine - pain and physical limitations.  Whatever course my spinal changes lead me, I hope that I remain peacefully grounded in the reality of my situation and accept the care of others.  I don't need to look to my subconscious mind to discover what's going on.  Yes, I will to accept my condition honestly and humbly. 

Am I being kind to me when I'm honest and accepting?  Being grounded in reality seems to be the best place to live.  So, how do I deal with the mystical unknowns that go along with a journey towards the Celestial City while trusting God?  Yes, that was a reference to John Bunyan's Christian-life allegory - Pilgrim's Progress.

Some really good books... I've more time and life-space to read.

The only church in town will be an honest, kind, and loving sort of place.  Congregant's most important needs will be met as relationships are worked out - with God and others too.  Friends may be found to walk through live with. The destination and path were revealed by our Creator.

 

Just for today...

"Somewhere in my past I got the message that to think of myself first was wrong, that it was my duty to care for everyone else. As a consequence, I was never ready to take care of myself and so became a burden to those around me . . . In fact, improving myself is the only real action available to me . . . Why should others bother to follow my example if I can't take care of my own affairs? . . . To give advice to others is to intrude; to give advice to myself is to grow."   Courage to Change (p. 356)

"First step; Dubious try - Expanding world; Joyful cry."   Am I a Poet?

December 16th - Understanding together from Him

The story...

Advanced mathematics was available to me throughout my education.  However, much of my time "doing math" was spent attempting to receive good grades rather than working to understand mathematical proofs based on fundamental axioms.  The better way was to: follow my teacher's guidance towards understanding the why(s); working more examples than I wanted to; and applying this structured way of thinking to real-life applications.  This mathematical structured thinking became an integral part of my mind.

As a graduate teacher, I encountered varying degrees of understanding regarding the application of mathematical equations, principles and practices.  Some of my students were from other countries where they learned to solve math problems using different methods - I had a difficult time verifying their work.  So, I required them to show their work according to methods that I, the teacher, understood.  I directed them to Kahn- Academy for examples that we could mutually understand. 

In or about 2012, I committed to completing all of the math courses on Kahn Academy from addition through differential equations.  I scheduled one-to-two hours per day over the course of three or four months.  I was surprised at how I more easily understood and integrated the various subjects that took me 16 years to initially learn.

The only church in town will be a place of instruction, understanding, practice, and the application of good-to-great life principles and truth.  There will be math guys, like me, and non-math folks, like most of us, who'll enjoy growing together.  Community is much more capable than any one member.

Just for today...

"I don't have to understand everything . . . feel threatened by the future . . . feel guilty about the past . . . feel alone . . . take responsibility for other people's choices . . . give up my hope and dreams."  Courage to Change (p. 351)

"What coping behaviors do I use to soothe my pain? Are they really helping me?"  Hope for Today (p. 351)

"They need you; We've got power - Loved and loving; We're in Christ."   Am I a Poet?

November 22nd - Rightly related to God?

The story...

I prefer a day: waking up at a consistent time with thankfulness; planning for & doing good; being honest - grounded in reality; loving me & others; exercising my body & mind - strengthening and stretching each; saying yes more than no; being quiet; dispatching potentially obsessive thinking within five minutes; tuning into my virtual spiritual radio - albeit the station's "staticy;" giving; being kind & receiving kindness; feeding my body & soul; seeking to understand before being understood; walking forward on my pilgrimage alongside close friends; and being a person through whom God is active.  Yet, my free will chooses to do differently each day.  Why?

My noble motives for behaving differently, even in the opposite direction, include my: need to be safe from harm; personal protection boundaries; scarcity of resources; American dream of the good life; acceptance by others; need to fix, manage, and control other people towards my vision of "our" good; avoiding fears from the past, present, and future; desire to receive good grades from the judge(s); escape from unfavorable circumstances; pain avoidance; telling of my good life story; loyalty to my family; and justifications for the way things are - "justified."

I expect that the first paragraph is about being rightly related to God and the second paragraph is about self protection and promotion.  The first paragraph was possible because my unholy self nature was judged, and found wanting.  I was redeemed and reconciled with God Himself in Christ - "I'm with Him." My part was believing on God and His great redemptive work in Christ.

The second paragraph characterizes me working out life by me and for me.  Thankfully, my conscience and the Spirit of God convicts me of this wrong way of being before I cause too much harm.  He restores me daily in a loving way.  My life seems to be continuing cycles of restoration that're heading in a good direction - like we might expect a loving Father to do for those who are His.

The PDCA model is good - yet, different - standardizing & sustaining change

The only church in town will learn and know that they can respond to His calling and be His.  They'll find fellow pilgrims to walk together with through life's circumstances.  Yes, a continuing series of restorative cycles that strengthen our need for receiving love from our heavenly Father - that kind of love is infectious - It can't sit still.  Love spreads far and wide - reflects His Light everywhere.

Just for today...

"Half an hour's meditation is essential except when you are very busy. Then a full hour is necessary."  Francis de Sales

"First I need to develop a relationship with God . . . Next, I learn to become at peace with myself . . .  I can't be that person when I'm overly controlled by guilt, fear, and resentment and negligibly aware of my gifts and talents . . . Lastly, I start acting responsibly toward others."  Hope for Today (p. 326)

"...conflicting views become merely different views, so our problems can be solved with tolerant understanding and mutual respect."  One Day at a Time (p. 326)

"What's to be; Anxious mind's plea - Presently abiding; Placid deep sea."   Am I a Poet?

November 20th - Why listen to uncomfortable realities?

The story...

"What's my husbands name? . . . Do you even know how many kids I have? . . . Do you care? . . . It's all about you."  This was the stinging message that I heard from one of my trusted reports.  She was making the claim that I cared for what she could produce and not truly for her as a person.  Whoa . . . the facts were clearly true . . . but wasn't the workplace suppose to be about work, accomplishment, and my objectives?  Wait, I meant to say "our" objectives - or did I?  As a supervisor, I wasn't suppose to get too close or have favorites - was I?  I could've justified my behaviors but it didn't sit well - I knew she was speaking "her" truth.   Was it possible to be the same good man in all of my endeavors?

Surely there were good examples out there - real people who still had their skin on 'em - not merely a glorified biography of the ideal.  Then, a guy was transferred to my department.  His current supervisor suggested that I witness his performance appraisal delivery.  I was surprised to see a virtuous man, honestly and respectfully, delivering his performance assessment along with their mutual understanding of their working relationship.  Wow ... I wanted to be more like him.  That good man, leader, and friend of many, died a few years later from cancer - another life circumstance that hurt.

The only church in town will be built on relationships - less-guarded and more honest relationships.  Yet, we can't realistically expect to relate well with everyone or even most people.  We're all different and most are operating in a different stage of life.  The community will be okay and respect all people as they "be."  Yet, they'll share within a better way - trusting in God.

Just for today...

"Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want  to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."  George Bernard Shaw

"What about those times when I heard truths about myself that left me feeling angry, embarrassed, or upset? When given the occasion to hear or speak an uncomfortable reality, I have choices. I can hear it and grow, I can share it and grow, or I can ignore it in favor of maintaining my comfort zone."  Hope for Today (p. 325)

"Comfortably distant; Safer from hurt - Justified loneliness; His way's better."   Am I a Poet?

October 31st - I'm okay in Christ

The story...

Numbness in both legs began - it couldn't be ignored as I was lovin' on my grand daughter by carrying her to the car after the hockey tournament.  The reality of the degenerating lumbar vertebrae could no longer be ignored.  My behavior wasn't in synch with the reality of my nervous system condition.  My body gave me direct and pointed feedback - ouch, reality sat in.

I expected that some nice person would call to schedule an MRI.  They'd insert my body in a big-metal tube to take 3D pictures of unseen reality.  I expected that two of the disks would be a bit flatter and more protruded than before.  And, the stenosis would've narrowed the holes that nerves thread through.  I'd be more aware of my limitations...

The surgeon told me in 2009 that he'd likely see me again in 15 years.  So, why did this catch me by surprise?  I couldn't help but notice that my height's shrinking as my disks flatten.  My spine doesn't care if I like the reality or not - it just is.  My only realistic choice is to adapt to what's true and how I'll move my body.  It seems that my top-three choices are to: be thankful for every miraculous breath; imagine an alternate reality; or whine and complain - sometimes I choose all three.

The only church in town will offer opportunities to walk side-by-side others as "we" walk humbly with God.  A more honest life may be lived with a clearer, albeit veiled, view of spiritual realities and eternity too.

Just for today...

"I'm attacked by thoughts of disaster. I imagine failure, torment, agony. And then I act. I do something rash or fruitless in order to put a bandage on the situation, because the one thing I most fear is being afraid."  Courage to Change (p. 305)

"I grew up in a family where scorn, criticism, and teasing were everyday modes of communication. To cope, I developed the ability to hide my pain and confusion behind sarcasm and ridicule. Making myself feel bigger and better by making fun of others never filled the emptiness I felt inside."  Hope for Today (p. 305)

"Imagined bad; Fears me so - Rush to fix; Refuse to slow."
"Let'em be; You and me - Trust His Word; Spirit see."   Am I a Poet?

October 28th - Engage in Today - the Now

The story...

What does the day look like for you?  I'm writing this story in history and aren't aware of the future present.  Strangely, that first sentence is in the past and I may need to reread it to remember what I wrote.  I must also remember what the first words of the sentence were in order to understand the sentence's message.

The "Just for Today" quotes were written by others years ago - they can be enjoyed today.  They were highlighted as important to me years ago.  I'm considering, and making sense of, them in the present. And, they're conveyed to you from history.  You're enjoying them in the now - the present.

We've got today...

The only church in town will be built on what God's revealed about Him, us, the past, and the future too.   They'll focus on revealed reality, where to go, and how to get there too.  Their faith will be in their Creator and Sustainer's revelation and presence.  They'll meet together and walk humbly and honestly with Him in the present.

Just for today...

"So it's in my best interest to treat others as I wish to be treated. I try to imagine that my words and actions are being addressed to myself, because in the long run I generally get back what I give out."  Courage to Change (p. 302)

"I've learned that if an issue isn't going to be important in 30 days, then it's probably not worth troubling myself with now."  Hope for Today (p. 302)

"Today is mine, It is unique. Nobody in the world has one exactly like it. It holds the sum of all past experience and the future of all potential."  One Day at a Time (p. 302)

"Past recalled; Now's real - Future's unwritten; Livin the deal."   Am I a Poet?

September 27th - Worth fretting over?

The story...

The virus symptoms lasted for 2.5 weeks.  Since it persisted past the two-week limit, I decided to call my primary-care doctor.  He likely wouldn't be able to identify the virus - he might've prescribed an anti-viral drug to boost my immune system.  Since I had only a basic understanding of immune systems, I listened to three related YouTube introductory videos.  I learned principals that helped me appreciate my body more and to identify behaviors and misunderstandings that may have hindered me.

He listened to my symptoms and physically inspected me - an intern with him also repeated some of the checks.  He asked for two blood samples to both check my immune system and to search for wasted muscle - he'd an idea of what it might be yet didn't tell me.  My blood was drawn at 3:30pm 9/01/2023.

Four days later, I was hoping to get the blood test results.  These data were to help my doctor prescribe a course of action to better my body and the life I live through it.  I speculated much over those three days -  I knew in part yet I'd likely know more in a few hours.

The virus continued on, I visited my primary physician once again and he asked for more blood tests.  The specific virus was never really known - the symptoms faded a way over a few weeks.

Suffering will be found in the only church in town yet, it won't be their focus.  It may even be purposed for us to "bear" more fruit (John 15:1-12).  The church body will focus on the truth of God's good news and the blessings from living out each day in the "Light" of truth and the presence of God.

Just for today...

"If my life has become unmanageable, how can I get control of it? Am I being forced into doing things I don't want to do, like losing my temper, contriving, conniving and scheming to make things work out the way I want them?"  One Day at a Time (p. 271)

"If thou canst not make thyself such a one as thou wouldst, how canst thou expect to have another according to thy liking?"  Thomas Kempis - The Imitation of Christ

"If I knew what was coming, I suspect that I would spend all my time trying to run from painful experiences instead of living. I would miss out on so much great stuff." Courage to Change (p. 271)

"Suffering settled; Hung o'er me - No satisfaction; Turned to Thee."
"Needy and broken; Trusted Him for - Habits replaced; Heart loves more."   Am I a Poet?

September 19th - Hurt and Resentment or...

The story...

I wanted something from my dad that he couldn't give me.  Did he tell me that it was his to offer or did I just assume he could?  He engaged with my older brother in ways he didn't do with me -  maybe there was something deficient in me?  I assumed that he was a "good" moral person because he did good stuff, was an upstanding member of the community, went to church, and served multiple roles in church and community too.  His personality and gifts were different than mine and I couldn't be much like him no matter how hard I tried.  So, what did I want from him that he couldn't give?  He did give me much.

I'd like to have known what a good life looked like and that I was worthy, capable and had the power to live one out.  I'd like to have been okay with me and my unique: capabilities, talents and personality.  People of the world seemed to challenge my worth.

These guys said I had the power - I don't think they had it to give.

My dad was a good man and good dad - he helped me much and did the best he could with what he had.  I wanted a close relationship with God, my dad, with a few close friends, with my family, and eventually alongside a life partner and community too - these relationships were illusive for me. I'm so thankful for those relationships I have now.

The relationships that we need might be found within the only church in town.  Yes, you are likely to find the personalities, giftedness, and skills that you need there.   God loves those who are His and He's got the power.

Just for today...

"I thought that resentment would prevent me from ever being hurt again . . . living my life under the heavy burdens of rage and resentment were hurting me . . . I experienced a spiritual awakening in the form of a deep desire to let go of those feelings that were poisoning my life . . . I gave up my bitterness and regained my life."  Hope for Today (p. 263)

"Hurt and guilt; Stuffed away - Rear their head; Unexpected way."
"Confess and forgive; Be truer me - Freer to love; Authentically be."   Am I a Poet?

August 20th - The Coach and the Whiner

The story...

He pondered my question and replied with a coach's honest, and most practical, reply.  My question: "How did you know if one of your football players was really hurt?"  He said: "It's easy, the whiners aren't hurt and the non-whiners are."  I've shared that story with 100's of other people.

Have I lived too much of my life as a whiner?  I don't think so yet I have.  I've had countless: scrapes, cuts, sprains, bruises, aches, head aches, loss of capability, financial losses, out-of-normal test results, missed job opportunities, and "no" answers.  Yet, the sun came up and shined light on a new day.  The darkness was illuminated and shown to be much better than I imagined.

I'm the old guy now who has more time and opportunities to listen, understand, and throw a ray of light, albeit somewhat dim, on other life journeys.  Do I have to be "mister right," the "wise owl," or the "great coach?"  No, it seems better to listen to understand, let'em know they're loved, shine real light on their darkness, and honestly/humbly walk side-by-side as a fellow life traveler.

"Footprints in the Sand" - A Most Wonderful Poem

How about taking a risk and attending the only church in town this week?  There you'll find light that can help you make sense of your darkness and fellow travelers who you might walk side-by-side with towards...

Just for today...

"Teach me to think straight, and not to take offense at criticism which is meant as loving guidance."  One Day at a Time (p. 233)

"...turning to emotionally unavailable people for support, and engaging in self-doubt and hate . . . I now see that these and other traits, not other people, are the source of my anguish." Hope for Today (p. 233)

"When I begin to accept myself exactly as I am, life will feel a lot more gentle."  Courage to Change (p. 233)

"Lost an alone; Coach me please - Don't know how; Carpe-diem seize."
"God loves me; This you say - Believe His Word; Lovin today."    Am I a Poet?

August 6th - What's a really-good day look like?

The story...

There was a summer, during my middle-school years, when I didn't do much.  I delivered my daily newspapers, participated in family stuff, watched too much TV and daydreamed.  Strangely, I remember contemplating my rather dull summer while thinking it really didn't make any difference - the summer was nearly over too for those who actually lived out the type of summer I hoped for.  Yes, that chunk of life was over for everyone.

Daydream - Lovin' Spoonful

What would I tell the teenage me If I could sit down with him back then?  Would I tell him about the good circumstances that awaited?  Would I tell the rather short me that I'd grow to be 6' 4" tall?  Would I tell him that it was better than he thought?  Would I share an appreciation for the good that was actually available?  Or, would I tell him to focus on the greatest two commandments in the bible:  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, strength, and mind.  And, love your neighbor as yourself?  I expect what I really needed was to understand, be understood, and to learn to love and be loved just as I was.

Would you rather be loved in poor circumstances or unloved in favorable circumstances?  In my humble opinion, my best days are those where I'm loving my neighbors as myself.  A day when I'm a best friend to me which seems to serve as a source of strength for loving other people.  And, I can only love me if I'm right with, or at peace with, God the Father.

People attending the only church in town will hear about how they too might be right with God the Father through His provision.  The bible says faith in His Son's redeeming death, burial and resurrection positions people in Christ - a place where we can be rightly related to God and enjoy a most wonderful condition both now and forevermore. (Ephesians 1)

Just for today...

"I would put aside critical thoughts of others. I would notice interesting things - the expressions on people's faces, a plant growing on my windowsill, the grace and charm of a child, an arrangement of clouds. Today there are wonders all around me, if I will open my eyes and enjoy them."  One Day at a Time (p. 219)

"Wonders of life; These I see - Right with God; Okay with me."
"Eyes off me; Know you too - Life grows us; Eternity's view."    Am I a Poet?

August 4th - Express yourself - really

The story...

A guest speaker described his perceived value of knowing the difference between his imagined self and his real self.  Yes, we all likely developed and refined an image of who we were to "better" cope with the realities of life. 

Our need to belong to, or fit in with, a group often leads to a sort of group think - a place where pleasing people and conforming to group norms is very important.  Bruce Lee describes his value of expressing himself within the following video.

Isn't it best to belong to and fit into the group that you identify with?  Isn't it polite and respectful to think and behave like the group?  You did have some control over the decision to join the group and possibly even become a "member."  

Visitors to the only church in town will likely find a different world view - a place where they might express a more true self.  It seems they'd start with themselves, then with others, and ideally with God too.  Or, it could be another place where they'd merely conform to the new group norms - if they feel group acceptance then they're okay?  Maybe they aren't okay if they merely fit in.

For me, it seems that we'd all want to be our true selves walking in a actual relationship with our Creator and God - being okay each day and expectantly living with eternity in view.  Yet, that means that our imagined self would need to be transformed in a sort of death.  Our imagined self, or ego, seems to want an environment that conforms with, and bolsters, this image that's been developed and refined throughout a lifetime.

Just for today...

"'But he knew what I expected,' not realizing that it may have been precisely for this reason that he rebelled and acted otherwise."  One Day at a Time (p. 217)

"Since my parents were my main authorities in my life until then, I expected my boss to treat me the same way my parents did.  I acted on the expectation by shutting down in fear.  If I felt uncomfortable about something in the workplace, I kept quiet. When I felt my employee rights were violated, I stuffed my anger."  Hope for Today (p. 217)

"Day's sunny; Healthy too - Why so sad; Feelin blue?"
"Lost connections; Relationship drift -Honest reflection; Humble shift."
"Praying and quiet; God restores - Loving others; Mine and yours."    Am I a Poet?

July 24th - God created me with a will but it isn't His.

The story...

That Friday trip to Ludington State Park, on on my new yellow-KLR motorcycle, was wonderful.  I rode a new route and saw things that I'd previously ignored.  It seems I was often rushing in a quest to either get to a better place or to rush home as quickly as possible. 

Wow! Ludington Pumped Storage Plant

The weather was good, the people were friendly, the waitress was extra helpful, and the state park looked just like I left it - there were nice improvements.  Yet, the highlight of my trip plan was to cast a yellow-red Daredevil spoon off of the Lake Hamlin sand dunes - I imagined catching that Northern Pike.  I planned for it, willed it, hiked there, had the stuff, and even the weather to make it happen. Yes, I was attempting to "bend" reality according to my will.  To my dismay, the area had too many boats and my secondary fishing site had two people wading in the bay!  My imagined reality wasn't going to happen.

I prayed a short prayer of thankfulness and remembered that God's will wasn't my will  Obviously, He has a different and righter plan than I could imagine.  So, I walked back to the parking lot with maybe five casts - silver, #3 Mepps spinner, no buck tail - along the way.  I sat down on a bench and closed my eyes for a few minutes.  The scene was comfortable, peaceful, and the sounds of the kids playing at the beach were joyful.  I gathered myself, picked up my rod, and sauntered along the shoreline to the dam.  There was an old man fishing below the dam who shared that he had no luck.  He wished me the best and on my third cast I caught the Pike I had hoped for - it was a joyful experience.

I do wear a big shoe...

There were always reasons for doing what I've done in my life.  I've made a series of reasonable choices, within the confines of my environment(s) and capabilities, to end up here.  Good situations sometimes resulted in increasing pride and smugness that led to downfalls while trials often resulted in a better, more capable, and thankful, me.  Yes, I'm thankful for all my life thus far.

God made us with a will to work out our life while He intervenes through His sovereign will as He wishes.  We can ignore Him and reap the consequences of a self-willed life, trying to bend reality, or trust Him and experience increasing heart-felt joy and peace.  How could our will ever come close to the will of God for our lives?

The only church in town would share God's revealed truth for both eternity and this life too.  They'd share scripture like 1 Corinthians 15 so that people might hear and believe in God's provision for us, His creatures.  What an awesome wonder to be able to humbly and rightly walk with God in Christ. 

Just for today...

"At that moment of smug self-righteousness, God decided to send me a spiritual awakening. He told me that perhaps they understood more about Him than I did.  After all, they were the ones who were happy and free, filled with peace. Perhaps I could learn something from them if I opened my mind enough to listen and opened my heart enough to risk getting involved..."  Hope for Today (p. 206)

"Plan tomorrow; Live today - Think eternity; Honestly be."   Am I a Poet?

July 23rd - Bending reality according to my will?

The story...

There are reasons for why I did the things that I did.  Reasons for the good and reasons for the not so good.  Sometimes I ignored information and put on rose-colored glasses to gloss over the truths that would prevent me from working out my will.

Ambervision glasses were good - the world looked better

I learned to be more honest with me and my situation; understanding more fully, albeit incompletely, the way God views my condition and life.  With this in mind, why do I continue to have resentments, for what other people did, crop up into my mind?  I know that the self-absorbed thoughts aren't good for me, or anybody else; yet, they seem to reside somewhere, dormant, in the back of my mind.  Do I keep them to reduce the risk of a reoccurrence?

People within the only church in town will need healthy boundaries to work out their faith and life amongst the wide range of people who're likely working out their phase of life the best they can.  Maybe life is actually better without attempting to bend reality.  Honest humility seems likely to gain trust in God and maybe a few close friends too.  Truly, rest and peace can be found walking humbly trusting God.

Just for today...

"I am no longer a victim, full of self-pity and bent on control of every aspect of my life." Courage to Change (p. 205)

"Resentments mark the place where I see myself as a victim . . . Feeling resentments was like drinking poison and hoping that the other person would die! . . .  What do I get out of feeling like a victim? . . . I felt protected by my resentments. They acted as a barbed-wire fence to keep away the people I felt had hurt me.  The problem was I kept pricking my own skin on the barbs.  I also was comfortable with my resentments."  Hope for Today (p. 205)

"Hurtin others; Leaks a soul - Eyes off me; Fills our bowl."   Am I a Poet?

July 20th - Live in an imaginary reality?

The story...

Males in my mother's and father's families were all balding except for one.  My receding hairline and "spot" were visible in my wedding pictures.  I knew it was happening yet it crept up slowly.  Then, there was the day that my friend who cut my hair, Penny, reached for the electric cutter rather than the scissors.  She admitted that trimmers would do just as good as scissors.  Did we have to give up our regular meetings and friendship?  The day that I finally accepted that I was bald and began cutting my own hair was a good one.  I let loose of the old and accepted the reality of the new.  Actually, there're advantages living in the reality of being a bald guy.  I could list a few, that you might not be aware of, but that's not what this story's about.

Living within the reality of our actual: environment, mental state, physical condition, and spiritual experience is the best place to be - peace, well being, and joy can be found there.  Living in an imaginary place, within any of these dimensions, is like living in a house of cards.  Maybe hyped-up emotions are an indicator or sign that you might be living outside reality.  Might those over reactions, and need to do exciting stuff with amped-up emotions, indicate a life lived in the uncomfortable state of an imagined reality?   Are our emotions like gauges that might give us clues as to "What's going on?"

"What's going on?"  4 Non-Blondes

The only church in town would be a place where you can find out what's going on.  People who reach out in love may ask you.  And, most importantly, you can hear and better understand what God has revealed about what's really going on.

Just for today...

"By clutching at what we most want to keep, we lose it all the more rapidly . . . By letting go of our efforts to influence the future, we become freer to experience the present, to feel all of our feelings while they are happening, and to more full enjoy those precious moments of joy with which we are blessed."  Courage to Change (p. 202)

"Squinting skews; Headphone fetter - Imagining's good; Reality's better."   Am I a Poet?