September 17th - If not now - when?

The story...

I've got no plans for today until about 5:00pm.  Actually, I'm writing my blog at the same time that I normally do, and I'm drinking my coffee made the same way that I normally do.  My newspaper will arrive about the same time that it normally does and my Apple watch will gently remind me that I'll need to stay active to close my stand-move-exercise goals. I'll check my financial investments and likely make at least one change; then, I'll walk around our property picking up limbs and noticing changes.  I'm interim fasting so I expect that I'll greatly enjoy my lunch again today.  I've a to-do list sitting next to my recliner that lists projects that I may choose to work on - I looked at it and now plan to change my health-care plan today which'll take one-to-two hours.  I'll greet my spouse with love when she walks into the main room and we'll enjoy each other's company.  There's time to work out and enjoy my relationships within this day - with God and with others: close friends, neighbors, acquaintances, and people I've never met before.

What, within my power, might I change now that'd have the greatest impact on both me and others?  For me it'd be more fully resting within my relationship with God in Christ - freely meeting with God today in prayer - centering in on fundamental truths.  Honestly assessing myself with my heart praising the glory of God.  Living hopefully with all peace and joy (Romans 15:13).

The only church in town will be a place where all people, in almost every stage of life, will be welcome.  There'll be customs, rules, habits and expectations that'll be agreed to; yet, they'll not be a burden - they'll provide a good environment and point them towards the good life safe in Christ.

Just for today...

"I had to find a positive behavior to replace the fretting. Today if I catch myself worrying, I write down my specific fears, no matter how preposterous they may seem. Once I get them out of my mind and fix them on paper, I ask God to show me which ones are real and which are imagined."  Hope for Today (p. 261)

"I do have a power, a God-given one, and that is power over my own mind, emotions and reactions. If I exercise that power wisely, the problems outside of me will work out without my interference."  One Day at a Time (p. 261)

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now - when?"   Rabbi Hillel (Pirkei Avot 1:14)

"Pirkei Avot, which translates to English as Chapters of the Fathers, is a compilation of the ethical teachings and maxims from Rabbinic Jewish tradition. It is part of didactic Jewish ethical literature. Because of its contents, the name is sometimes given as Ethics of the Fathers." Wikipedia

June 20th - The Stacking Habit

The story...

My story begins with my attempt to share a bad habit that I replaced with a good one.  I selected a habit that I'd like to change over the next month.  When I post this blog on June 20th, you'll hear, or read, my rendition of what actually occurred.  Will I be able to replace the habit with a better one and will I be more comfortable with myself as a result?

The habit I choose is: organizing the stuff near my side of the bed every day.  I've a habit of stacking things, quickly tossing down my clothes, and inviting my spouse, without actually saying so, to stack stuff there too.  I'll organize my side of my bedroom every day after I complete the nytimes.com "Wordle" game.

My Wordle result - 05/17/23

I've heard it said that a good way to begin a new habit is to "Stack" it after a habit that you find pleasure in or look forward to.  Personally, I look forward to every Sunday morning when I meet my friends at church, synch our lives, remind each other of the reality of what God's revealed, and to praise and wordship "That in Which There is No Greater."  Being involved in the only church in town will involve people and their sin which will inevitably cause conflict and problems.  God's Word and Power will offer peace for each of his "Christ Ones" as they navigate through life together.  People and their habits being transformed toward...

STACKING TRIAL UPDATE:  It didn't work - I still have a stack of stuff next to my bed.  Maybe the stack is part of my routine or habits that best fits this stage of life that I'm journeying through?  I'm okay with me just as I am today - living in the present more honestly and humbly.

Just for today...

"The 'defects of character' I want to be rid of are sure to have deep roots in habit . . . If I am truly willing, I will see them replaced gradually by impulses of a different quality, that I can live with, comfortably and free from self-reproach."   One Day at a Time (p. 172)

"The first step in learning to respond more effectively to others is to learn to respond more effectively to myself.  I can learn to respond with love, caring, and respect for myself, even for those parts of me that experience fear, confusion, and anger."  Courage to Change (p. 172)

May 26th - Say Goodbye to Say Hello

The story...

I like the motorcycle that I currently own yet I'm planning to sell it to buy another.  Surely I've justified the change - size, safety with ABS, travel further, and more reliable.   Yet, I'll miss the nimbleness, ease of maneuvering, and efficiency - it's been a good friend and companion.  

Why not keep it?  Keeping means more: maintenance, storage space, insurance cost, and time wasted caring for things.  No, I will say goodbye to the old and welcome the new.

First day I owned it - it's time to say goodbye already.

How do we know when a thing, group, or way of living has run its course?  Might we reduce the bias that we have for keeping things just as they are.  Surely there're reasons for why things are the way they are and it'd be foolish not to consider their past, current and potential value.

I've heard that it's healthy to break behavior patterns.  For example, drive home a different way or eat a different kind of food.  Go to an event where people have different interests, hobbies and ways.  Change has been good for my life walk and character - being ready to roll and accepting change has helped.

People, ministries, buildings, job descriptions and worship practices will come and go within the only church in town.  Yet one day, everybody will take their final breath - "goodbye."  And, they'll say hello to eternity.  Oh..., to be found in Christ and loved by God.  Heaven doesn't wait.

Just for today...

"If I don't get too attached to any one way to approach life, I adjust to change with a lot less stress and strain . . .  As a friend says: 'We don't see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.'"  Courage to Change (p. 147)

April 12th - Enduring Change Takes Time - Be Patient

The story...

My life trajectory's improved significantly in recent years.  The changes came slowly and were worked out alongside other pilgrims.  Those who walked with me seemed more honest with themselves, more okay as they were, and less guarded.

It surprised me that meaningful change took months, rather than weeks, to become more habitual and part of my character.  For example, I learned that I often thought obsessively over problems, issues, and even new ideas.  Obsessive thinking restrained me from engaging in, and enjoying, the present - the "now" where life's actually lived.  Once I witnessed a better way, I assumed that I could change my behavior within 40 days at most - I've often heard it takes 40 days to establish a habit.  It actually took me about six months to actually be different.  I can still be triggered to start up a cycle of obsessive thinking; yet, I often, resolve it within the first 10 min. and return to living in the present.

I hope that the only church in town would accept people just as they are with grace and mercy.  The community would allow others to safely grow at their own pace.  Yes, real growth seems to take longer than expected and requires patience.  Over time, the Spirit of God will begin to bear fruit through their lives.  Some of their old defensive armor, needed to defend themselves, will be exchanged for the far better armor of God.

Just for today...

"You cannot create a statue by smashing the marble with a hammer, and you cannot by force of arms release the spirit or soul of man."  Confucius (551–479 BCE)

"Despair - how many of us suffer from it!  Yet we do not realize that it is purely the absence of faith." One Day at a Time (p. 103)

March 11th - Try or commit?

The story...

I expect that I should give credit for this "learning" to the person who showed me.  However, somebody shared it with him and who knows where it originated.  

The scenario, you ask for someone in the group to commit to completing an assignment.  They respond that they'll "try" to have it done by next Monday.  You take a dollar bill from your wallet and present it in front of them and you say: "try to take this dollar bill."  They pull it out of your hand and you say "No, I said 'try' to take it out of my hand - you actually took it out of my hand."  The receiver may say "huh?" and you repeat the exercise with them a few times before they internalize the idea.  "Try" means that you may or may not accomplish the task and have made no commitment.  Teams work best when people will to do what they say.  I frequently facilitated meetings where people, who were tempted to "waffle" on a commitment, would change their mind when I merely reached for my wallet and they recalled the value of commitment.

"Try to take this from my hand."

I expect that the only church in town would be filled with people who represent the full community.  And, each would be at a different stage of their lives. Together, they'd have all they need to work out the will of God for them, their church, and their community - trusting God with the outcomes.  Each would grow working side by side towards a common aim.  Rather than try, they'd work out their faith together in actualities.  Each person safely in Christ and Christ working out good works through them.

Just for Today...

"My friend and I resolve that in the future we will try less, accept more, and let go of our impatience, self-criticism, and self-hatred.  We take a deep breath and say, "Help me, God."  Courage to Change (p. 71)

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor; for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up!" Ecclesiastics 4:9,10 (NASB)

March 5th - Wring Out the Value

The story...

The scene from long-long ago, I'm sitting at a conference table with a man from Hong Kong.  He's explaining plans for a new high-rise office building to replace their existing building.  I'm attentive - I'd heard stories about the "buzz" that characterized Hong Kong - I wanted to experience it too.  He explained that the building was being replaced to improve area traffic flow.  Large buildings are obviously expensive so this surprised me.  Why would they do such a thing?  They were replacing it for the benefit of the whole community.  Then I ask: "How old is the existing building?"  His answer shocked me: "It's seven or eight years old."   

I was reminded of the Hong Kong story when enjoying ice sculptures that were shown in the heart of my home town. They'd already begun to melt.  They also offered value to me and the community who chose to observe them.  Yet their expected life span was counted in hours.

How long might the only church in town last?  Buildings and their "value added" come and go.  Yet, I hope that the people who congregate there will "wring out" all of the value they can until...

Just of today... 

"I used to believe thinking was the highest function of human beings . . . I now realize loving is our supreme function..."  Hope for Today (p.65)

A wise friend offered me the following good advice: When a thought takes hold of your mind and shows signs of becoming obsessive thinking, stop, allow four minutes to reflect on what's true about it and then decide if something truly needs to be done on your part.  If not, continue on living. 

"Let go of the things you don't need to open up room for your strengths, skills, and feelings to become more fully part of your life."   Courage to Change (p. 65)

January 30th - Stinking Thinking

The story...

About twenty years ago, my assigned Human Resources representative and I were discussing ongoing problems within my work group that she characterized and labeled as "stinking thinking."  Then she said something like: "They need a leader to help them: remember past successes and celebrate new ones, know they're capable; feel valued; serve each other; view problems as opportunities; test new ways often; learn alongside others habitually; respect each other... - then they'll engage and be the best version of themselves together.  As their manager and leader, what's your part in making this happen?"

What did I do differently?  Focused on demonstrating RESPECT for all work group members in word and deed.  Played together more often - a Friday afternoon paint-ball session helped build teamwork.  Learned more about each group member and what/who was important to them.  We solved interpersonal disputes quickly in more sustainable ways - they knew that they'd be working it out in my office, and even bring in H.R. help, if they didn't work it out together.  There were many positive changes that we made together; yet, much of the change started with me being a better leader and manger.

Yes, there was some stinking thinking going on within me that was strangely reflected within the group's interactions, behaviors, and performance together.  I started with "me" rather than attempting to craft plans to fix the problems that I could identify with "them."  The resulting changes in what we did, and who we were, were worthy of the transformation investment.  I became a better leader, manager, and person as a result of the growing that we worked out together - in community.

The only church in town will easily find fault within each other as they worship, praise, learn, grow, and serve together.  Real change and growth will occur when they internalize the value of the slogan "let the change begin with me."  The gospel will offer the opportunity for each person to be a new creature in Christ - the intended version of you.  Then each person, and the group as a whole, can be free "in deed." (Galatians 5:1).

Just for today...

"I watched, monitored, controlled, and exercised my need to feel hurt. I felt self-pity, embarrassment, superiority, resentment, and anger.  All of these took obsessive turns filling my mind and heart. I wondered why I indulged in these draining  behaviors and emotions, which only resulted in further misery for me."  Hope for Today (p. 30)

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come."  1 Corinthians 5:17 (NASB)

January 25th - "Try" to be better or "be" better?

The story...

Trying to: elongate my spine, strengthen my "core," stretch all those muscles, perform new exercises, and adapt to my lumbar-caused pain seems never ending.  Sometimes, I feel like I've lost my way and need encouragement from my physical therapist.  She's serious when she tells me that she doesn't want to hear "I can't" anymore - she wants to hear "I can."  She directed me to keep a log of what I did, how long I did it, and how much "new" muscle pain or "old" nerve pain I felt.  This cause-and-effect analysis is meant to record how long I was doing my suspected cause of pain and what I did to alleviate it - a clearer look at the reality of my condition and coping methods.

It's true that my body's getting older and will likely require me to periodically adapt in order to move and live as I wish to, or need to, without assistance.  Yet, I don't want my "body" focus to be my primary focus.  I don't plan on giving up yet I'd rather not try so hard.  I hope to develop a physical fitness routine that will sustain me throughout the next 20 years.

Over the last 25 years of my personal and work life, "try" has been and evil word in regards to personal commitments.  I prefer to focus on what you or I commit to actually do.  It seems that the same idea applies here.

The only church in town will focus more on who we are and what we do than our physical condition.  Yes, they will focus on the condition of our souls.  Strangely God doesn't ask us to "try" and be a better person either.  He asks that we receive His provision for our past misdeeds and trust Him to change our inner-person to be more like the ideal that was displayed in the life of His Son.  They call it the process of sanctification that He works out in us as we abide in Him - He does the heavy lifting. 

He's a really good Father.  I'm so... thankful that He did a great work for and within me.  The only church in town will focus on our being who we are in Christ with little emphasis on trying to be something we ain't.

Just for today...

"I found that I was overly interested in others because I had such a low opinion of myself."  Courage to Change (p. 25)

"Bad habits and compulsions cannot be conquered by determined resolutions or promising ourselves that we won't go on doing this or that . . . I  stopped trying to force myself to eliminate my faults when I found it didn't work."  One Day at a Time (p. 25)

"I was raised to be industrious and goal oriented. Today I am discovering what play means."  Hope for Today (p. 25)

January 21st - Who's your daddy?

The story...

Thankfully, my back surgeon recommended Celebrex, epidural steroid injections and therapy, rather than surgery, to return my body to a more normal "I can go an do what I want to" state.   The Celebrex worked as expected, the injection process was relatively easy with questionable benefits, and the therapy was a real surprise.

"What physical therapist would you recommend in my home town?"  They didn't have a recommendation - they gave me a prescription for either four or six weeks and said we'll meet again in four months.  I took a look at the therapy room in the Aquatic Center, where I'd been swimming for about two months, and scheduled an appointment with the only therapist there.  

I've met with the young-woman therapist for two weeks and my interactions and results have thus far surpassed my expectations.  I didn't choose her, I chose the location and facility.  I trusted her and have done, pretty much, everything that she directed me to do.  "We" are working on limitations that have affected effects in me throughout my whole life.  I'm so optimistic - "Yahoo!"

If I were to have selected a therapist from a lineup of candidates, I likely wouldn't have selected her.  I might've looked at age, sex, height, personality, education, experience...   I'm so thankful that I came in with a need, was honest in every interaction, sought to understand before being understood, listened to her diagnosis rather than my own related thoughts, and trusted her.  Yes, I don't want to be naive so I've tested her a couple of times and each time her response confirmed that she has my best interest at heart.  She's a human with limited understanding but I'm relying on her to get better.  She's sought to understand me better too and has set expectations of a sustainable solution that will work with my habits, preferences, life style, and hopes for the future.

Whose your daddy?

I especially like her direct style of communication and therapy interventions where she moves me forward during our short 1/2 hour appointments.  She appears to be committed to helping me regardless of my responses and peculiarities.  I'm so... thankful for her.  In fact, when I grow up, I want to be more like her.

The only church in town's object of faith will be the Messiah, their Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ whose great sacrificial work provides the way to a righteous relationship with God our Father.  There's a lot packed into that sentence.  Why not go to the only church in town and learn more about what's really going on within the rest of your life and the eternity to come?

Just for today...

"It is only by taking offense at what others do that I will be afflicted with resentment. If I feel that what I am doing is right, I will not be dependent on the admiration or applause of others."  One Day at a Time (p. 21)

"I could never tell the difference between what was and was not my business. I felt I had to take care of everyone around me until I couldn't stand it any more."  Courage to Change (p. 21)

January 1st - Journey to Better Times

The story...

I've made a new years resolution that signals hope for more and better fruit to be born from my life and from those within my circle of concern too.  The resolution is doable, builds on truth validated within my earlier years, and is likely to build personal character traits that'll better support change opportunities in 2024.  I'm in a good place on the morn of this first day of ...

You gotta leave this to go for that.  "This" is normal even if it ain't comfortable.  "That" is like "two birds in a bush" - we may want to hang onto "this" in our hand.  For me, it's been easier to change after I've had the opportunity to verbally appraise the current situation with a friend.  Maybe this kind of life assessment happens for many on the last day of December prompting new-years resolutions on January 1st.  A quick internet search estimates that <10% of Americans follow thorough on their new-years resolutions.  Given my resolution choice, I expect an 80% probability of success.  Why not?

For me, my resolution will help me grow my personal character, relationships and faith.  And, the "doing" of my resolution should result in my holding "things" and the "cares of this world" more loosely.  How about your change resolution?

The only church in town will "generally" be a God's Word knowing, faithful, honest, helping, and loving group of people.  Our idealistic picture of what that one church might be will be wrong.  Why?  We'll find the wide range of personalities, capabilities, knowledge, coping mechanisms, life stories, shame, guilt, pride, and fruit-bearing capabilities there.   The relationships that you might find there are part of the good stuff in life where real personal and spiritual growth might be cultivated.  I hope that you make a resolution to become more involved within your church community, while expecting little, and being thankful for what you do receive.  Please accept my happy new-years wishes.

Just for today...

"We all have dark times in our lives, but the journey to better times is often what makes us happier, stronger people. When we stop expecting instant relief, we may come to believe that where we are today is exactly where God would have us be."  Courage to Change (p. 1)

"They see themselves in me, I see myself in them, and we learn to love and accept each other and ourselves."  Hope for Today (p. 1)

"I have authority over no life but my own."  One Day at a Time (p. 1)

December 14th - When in trouble, quit digging the hole and ask for help.

 The story...

There was an older guy, who worked for me, that had a difficult time solving his problems with his computer models - he was modeling changes to parts that our company produced.  He'd spend hours trying to figure out his problems by himself with much wasted time and angst.  He was spending way too much time per project - he needed to either improve or move on to another type of job. 

I remember meeting with him, in his office, to discuss the types of problems that he had.  Some were dealing with infrequent exceptions to the design process that had special causes.  Some were due to his methods that were different than the ones that he was trained to perform.  Some were due to misconceptions regarding the computer-aided-design process.  Some were due to terminology that he didn't understand.  Some were due to actual design issues that he didn't have to consider when he was drawing with paper and pencil.  Some were due to a sort of uneasiness with his ability to perform his job with a computer that was forced upon him - he felt that he wasn't capable or valued by the group.

We better understood each other after we met a few times in his office.  We came up with a solution that included retraining on a few modules.  We worked out arrangements, with three other designers, to ask for help when needed - he came to them with the problem clearly defined.  "Timing" rules minimized his propensity to spin his wheels while "hoping" for a solution.  The process included: 1st, take a few minutes to identify and clarify the problem; 2nd, review the training material; 3rd, seek help from one of the three available designers depending on their specialty;  4th, call the software company help desk; 5th, come to me, his manager, to both alert me and to ask for additional support. 

He followed the new process and his performance and attitude improved - problem solved.  Yet, I'm not sure what the main cause of his problem was.   Might much of the help come by being understood, valued, helped, and restored to a fully engaging group member - the Hawthorne effect?  We learned a lesson together - I became both a better person and manager in those few weeks.

Those attending the only church in town will learn that God listens to prayers and requests even though he knows about all situations in advance.  For those who are right with Him, He will either fulfill the request or give in accordance to His will.  His will is supremely better and right in His timing.  He cares for us, His creatures, and has plans for both this life and our eternity to follow - scripture says so.

Just for today...

". . . answers came not from books, but from mutual caring and thinking out loud with someone you felt comfortable with."  One Day at a Time (p. 349)

"If I'm not careful, I overwhelm myself with all the various things I could change and I become paralyzed by inaction. It helps to pray for knowledge of exactly what God wants me to change at any given moment."  Hope for Today (p. 349)

December 11th - A season for places and things

The story...

People invested much of their lives building, improving, and sustaining that manufacturing plant.  They learned their first job after practice and soon became an integral part of the team.  They learned how to do some maintenance and later were able to diagnose what was likely wrong.  They campaigned for, and helped install, that new machine that would help them produce more product with accuracy and precision.  They wore their plant logo on their hat and their association with that plant formed much of their identity.  "I've worked at the _____ plant at company A for X years."  It was s part of who they were.

Then the decision came to shut down the plant.  They'd heard rumors before yet the decision came as a shock.  Hadn't they done everything they were asked to do?  Wasn't their life investment valued?  What do they mean when they say that our plant was no longer competitive?  Whose responsible for this?

The manufacturing plant was a tool for producing products that customers wanted and needed.  It was a tool, purchased with borrowed capital $, to produce a profit.  Leaders of the company were responsible for investing the limited capital funds to both pay the bills and to reward the people - those who worked the processes and those who loaned their capital $ for a season. Capitalism does incent change and growth - change and growth is hard for many of us humans.

The only church in town will have people who will want to "do church" just as their parents did.  They want things to be as they remembered - something that you can count on.  They will be excited about new movements like "Promise Keepers" was in the 1990s - it was wonderful and right in its time and place.  The Aim remains the same yet the places, processes, and ways of doing stuff must change. 

Just for today...

"Since there are difficulties with which I must live, the only real answer is to seek the serenity to accept the things I cannot change . . .  Money won't buy serenity; in fact, I'd probably have a whole new set of problems and decisions if a fortune ever did fall into my lap."  Courage to Change (p. 346)

December 10th - How about getting it together - together?

The story...

"I can't believe that you vote like that. I thought you were a better person. How could you do that? Aren't you a Christian?"  Yes, I was shunned by a group for presenting positions, from the "other" party, with a "best foot forward."  My position was that "they" were working toward good and just principles even if their means for funding and implementing the changes may be perceived as idealistic, unsustainable or suboptimal. The part that stung was the not so subtle reference that I must not be a Christian if I was on the side of the other party - they were shunning me for offering respect and understanding. I ended up at the governing board of the group challenging anyone to stand up and support their opinion that people from the other party were errant, naive, and wayward - needing correction.  No one stood up - this was a good moment of reckoning.  I didn't hear anyone speak like that for a season, yet the groupthink and judgement of "the other guys," crept back in.  I guess it's part of the human nature and another example of the undermining force of "groupthink."

It seems good that government would stay true to it's constitution, standardize what works, slow to change the things that work for so many; yet, run change experiments to test new ideas.  It's hard to know all of the implications of a change to a system in advance.  They'd try change plans out before institutionalizing them.  They'd plan the change, do the change on a small scale, check for effectiveness, and standardized the parts that worked - make them an integral part of the new system.  Wouldn't it be good for both parties to honestly test how the other guy's ideas might work together?  I expect that each side would learn much in the process.

The only church in town will have much leeway within the boundaries of God's revealed Word.  They'll keep first things first and work out their faith in an honest and faithful way.  That includes recognition that all men are born sinners who fall short of the glory of God - faith in Christ's redeeming work transforms them into a new creature who's able to commune with God in the present - born again.  Surely, we continue to live in the world with bodies that tempt us to live self-satisfying lives; yet, our prayer and communing with God restores us to that best working condition of being in Christ.

Just for today...

"Where in the past I have allowed unacceptable behavior, I can not choose a different response . . . Today I have the courage and faith to be true to myself, whether or not others like or agree with me."  Courage to Change (p. 345)

"Let me observe, with new interest even the commonplace things that happen in each new day."  One Day at a Time (p. 345)

November 19th - If I practice not sharing opinions - will I replace them with a listening ear?

The story...

My career may have chose me - I'd practiced the habits, and developed the personality, to explain my perspective and win agreement.  My work practices, tools, and change management success carried over into other areas of my life too.  I became more: illustrative; flamboyant in my story telling; better at painting mental images to be commonly understood; succinct in posing the right question(s); and consistent in behaving according to my expected behavior.  Sometimes, the desired perspectives were those of the organization that I was part of and not necessarily my own.

The burden of working out my life, wearing different hats, took its toll.  The incongruity between my inner-man and the roles that I accepted was bothersome - dissatisfaction with parts of life.  My life was not characterized as peaceful - more like a never ending quest to model good behavior - be the best that I could be - measure up. So, I planned the long and arduous process of earning my PhD - "then life would be great."  It was a good change worked out for over 10 years and experienced for about 10 years.  I learned and grew much through my studies, research, dialog, enlarged mental models, building onto and protecting my share of the body of knowledge, teaching, and mentoring.  Yet, my inner-man needed something more.

A period of brokenness helped me wake up and see my strife and struggles more clearly - I needed help.  I accepted an offer for help and joined others who were also more-honestly becoming better people.  The lessons learned and applied were wonderful - I truly love all those people that I grew with.  My life became more congruent, peaceful, restful, thankful and engaging.

The only church in town will be a place where you will hear about a better way to be.  You will, meet those who are growing in a similar way and stage of life.  Over time, a few of those people may even become best friends who you can openly and honestly grow with.  Friends like that aren't required to live good a good life yet I wouldn't give 'em up without a fight.  True, they must be held loosely or it likely isn't true friendship.  Honestly seeking to understand, before being understood, is a good first step toward developing those good friendships.

Just for today...

Do you want to fix them for your own personal comfort or honestly for them?

If you wouldn't want somebody to say "it" to you then don't say "it" to anyone else.

October 24th - Real, sustainable, change takes longer than I expected

The story...

It was a surprise to me when I realized that I spent much of my time obsessively thinking.  I probably had a self-preservation purpose for this self-defeating behavior.  Was it a defensive mechanism to prevent future pain?  Did I witness it modeled within my family?  Was it something that I developed myself?  Whatever the cause, once I was aware of the degree that I obsessively thought, and the negative effects, I chose to behave differently.  My victory over obsessive thinking required a progressive series of methods and friends who were traveling on a similar journey.  Sharing my successes and failures, with friends who cared, motivated and sustained me through the long change process.  Obsessive thoughts continue to "pop" into my head; but, now I recognize the ugly buggers for what they are; decide what's true about 'em; accept what's my part; and leave the rest to God who is both all-powerful and cares for even me.

My victory over chronic obsessive thinking is a good story for me; yet, that's not the point of this story.  This story's about how long it took to achieve and sustain this personal victory in reality.  Initially, I naively thought that mere knowledge of the subject would do it.  Then, I thought a few victories using coping methods would suffice.  Then, I thought that I made it when I could share the why's and how's with other people.  Then, I thought that a few months of many cycles of obsessive thinking recognition, tool application, and significant change was the victory that I was looking for.  It wasn't until my new way of thinking, behaving, and being were internalized that I achieved fundamental personal change.   This took over a year - at least 4X longer than I expected at the onset.

Working out life together within the only church in town will require patience. The community will offer grace and mercy during these long and bumpy life-change processes.  There are reasons why people are behaving in ways that they don't really want to - they often feel like victims.  The only church in town is a place to understand the "why," the "how," and to experience glimpses of the presence of God worked out through the lives of others.  Some changes seem to happen instantly yet most seem to take much time and likely suffering too.  It's hard to say goodbye to even those thing that weren't really working for me - "goodbye!"

Just for today...

"I now view my problems as survival skills that served me well as I was growing up . . .  To cope with the blaming and criticism in my home, I became a perfectionist."  Hope for Today (p. 298)

"Like the birch tree, I can be wounded if I am prematurely stripped of my defenses. Most of us have spent a significant amount of time trying to cope with these wounds from the past rather than growing and changing . . . When I am ready, the changes will come easily."  Courage for Change (p. 298)

October 7th - Engage in life an be

The story...

The movie Top Gun asked the lead character "Maverick" to engage in life for the benefit of himself, his team, the Navy, and for his country too.  The circumstances of life were changing around him as he lost his best friend and co-pilot who relied on him.  He even rejected the woman who risked loving him the best she could.

He even says "Jesus Christ," albeit flippantly, in dismay as he faces the enemy, failures, and community rejection.  He reengages, drops his stinking thinking, and defeats the enemy using his God-given talents.  He becomes the man he could be - victory won.

Movie - Top Gun - "Engage Maverick!"

There'll be many reasons to disengage from the imperfect only church in town.  Stay engaged!  If self is relentlessly holding you back from loving yourself, loving other people, and loving the Lord your God with all your heart mind and soul then act on the gospel - the good news.  Engage in the life you were given already.

Just for today...

"The invitation to live life fully is offered to me each day. I can accept the pace of change today, knowing it will bring both times of active involvement and periods of quiet waiting. I will let surprises of the day open up before me."  Courage to Change (p. 281)

October 6th - Life gets better or worse - let's grow together in the Light?

The story...

Sometimes, the group member who wants their idea of the "best" can restrain a group from moving forward towards real growth.  Yes, I was that idealist that often critiqued the motives and adequacy of significant change proposals - wanting the very best, knowing that change was necessary, yet putting on the brakes while trying to persuade others to see, know and feel as I did.  I expect that my input  to the group was needed yet my insistence on my "higher ways" blocked my ears, mind and heart.  I wish that I would've sought to understand different viewpoints, ideas, and perspectives before attempting to "sell" my ideal version of "the" best way forward - the "right" way to go.

A friend of mine, Henry Hudson, claimed to read Pilgrim's Progress every year.  I'm about to finish the book once again - each time it's more meaningful as I imagine the reality that this allegory paints seemingly just for me.  Oh... that I might rely on and more fully trust God as I turn each corner.

The only church in town will know that we're all on a journey.  It's a mistake to camp too long in one place along the way.  As the story of "life" progresses, God prunes those who are His so that they produce, and enjoy, more fruit together.  That kind of fruit is shared and witnesses to their source.  Fruit born and enjoyed, shines His Light into the dark crannies of our lives - things do look differently in the Light.

Just for today...

"Opportunities for spiritual growth, as well as new character defects, pop up like weeds in a newly-mown lawn . . . My problem was my spiritual pride and arrogance, not my situation. The need to be right was robbing me of my serenity in all kinds of situations."   Courage to Change (p. 280)

September 25th - What lasts?

The story...

Fifty-seven years later, I still have a coloring project that I made in third grade.  I colored, many colors, all over a piece of crepe paper and covered the whole thing in black - I scraped off the black to make an image of a horse. I still have a few pieces of clothing that I owned before I was married.  The house that I grew up in still exists even though it's eroded to a shadow of what I once believed it to be.  I worked at a manufacturing organization for over 20 years and must've created and signed thousands of documents - It's likely that those document are all either replaced, deleted, or at best archived. It's true that nothing stays the same and that there'll likely be little evidence that we ever existed in the not too distant future.

Martin Luther has a famous quote that I value: "I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess."   My hands are touching a keyboard as I type - it's a helpful tool that allows me to create, understand, be, and communicate; yet, that too will go away some day.  

I actually painted this...

He's got the whole world in His hands.  He will work His will out with our without you.  Why not trust Him and bear the fruit that only He can give - it's the stuff that'll last.

The only church in town will teach how to trust God according to what He's revealed about Himself, our relationship, what He expects within our relationship, and the most significant future events that'll impact us and our world too.  We can trust Him with our problems, concerns, and the people whom we love.

Just for today...

"My parents are due to visit. Nothing promotes my relapse into compulsive, controlling behavior better than the anticipation of their judgement . . . Each time I doubt that my God knows the way, I'll remember how chaotic and complicated my life becomes when I try to take control."  Hope for Today (p. 269)

September 21st - When you find yourself in a hole - quit digging.

The story...

I'm standing in a McDonalds line on the way back from a trip where I was less than a team player.  For whatever reasons, I resented efforts from other people to bend plans for the two-family trip according to their expectations, perceptions, needs and wants - I must've thought that I knew best for everyone.  I was frustrated with everything about that restaurant and all the people who were there too.  It was bad enough that I remember thinking - "this is not okay, you need to be different."  Something had to change - I remember waiting in the line and pondering the situation so it must have been an impactful moment of my life.  "There's got to be a better way."

How do we know when we're not acting or thinking as a whole person - missing something that we need to make wise decisions?  We might: think wrongly, act in selfishness, resent what others did or who they seem to be, know less than necessary, have isolated ourselves from needed compadres, be trying to prevent further wounds, be focusing on pleasing people, be co-dependent on other people, or possibly separated from the Spirit of God.  As if those reasons aren't enough to pause before acting, the acronym HALT comes to mind - pause if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.

Might the only church in town offer a true message of hope, peace, and joy (Romans 15:13)?  Might a humble, more truthful, life-walk relationship with God be the good life?  Yes...

Just for today...

"Although my life was full of chaos, it was familiar chaos, which gave me the feeling that I had some control over it. This was an illusion."  Courage to Change (p. 265)

"With my thoughts distorted by fear, despair and resentment, and my nerves overwrought, I could not think clearly nor make wise decisions."  One Day at a Time (p. 265)