March 8th - A friend to all is a friend to none

 The story...

When in my 20s, I had a reoccurring fantasy of owning a bar that sold food.  I'd stop by a couple of times per day to see the familiar, laugh with friends, and meet new people too.  Saturday mornings would find me doing the "books" at my favorite seat - "my" booth.  The morning sun would be shinning through the windows and I'd feel comfort and self-fulfillment.

A few times a year, me and my friend, drank beer and dined at a place called "Tip a Few" in Grand Haven, MI.  It's similar but different from my imagined place of goodness and comfort. I liked to order a pitcher of "Pabst Blue Ribbon" beer - the beer I often shared with friends during my college years.  Inevitably, I'd resurrect the dream of owning my bar with great enthusiasm.  The one who knows me well would say "here you go again" and they'd sit back with "that smile I hold dear" as I retold my vision of how it would be and how great it would feel.  Five minutes after we left the front door I'd again say: "what was I thinking?"  Then, the one who knows me well would squeeze my hand and we'd walk on together - laughing.   

Since September 2020, no alcohol has entered my body.  Personally, I had practical and situational reasons for stopping - it seemed clearly good for me.  I've started other good habits that're now part of who I am.  The change hasn't affected where I go much; yet, once I returned to "Tip a Few."  The people respectfully served me water and I enjoyed the experience with muchness.  That old-fond dream seems to be vanquished and gone forever - that's good.  It's part of a better alignment between my body, mind, and soul.

It's water

Would the only church in town attempt to simulate this common "good" experience with coffee bars and breakfast nooks?  I've witnessed a few good "tries" yet they seemed to be a bit pretentious and fall short - they weren't the thing.  I expect that people, who'd go to the only church in town, would be looking for the real thing - to better know the Word of "That Than Which there is No Greater," to know more of what is really going on, and to be more like the person that He is and wants them to be - their aim. 

 

Just for today...

"A friend to all is a friend to none."   The Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle (340 BCE)

"The clinking sound; The happy hum - Shoulder to shoulder; I loved that bar."
"It wasn't the place; Alcohol unneeded - Loved the loving; Interlude of peace."   Am I a poet?

March 7th - Imagined reality

The story...

Have you ever imagined something and then built it?  You weren't too sure about how it'd work out in "actuality;" yet, you got started.  You laid the pieces out on the table.  You arranged and substituted until it seemed just right.  While admiring your work, you might've felt a deep-internal satisfaction.  Your body secreted hormones emoting happiness.  The symmetry, the colors, the flaw, the shadows, the order . . . you liked looking at it.  What's the cause of this deep-felt satisfaction? 

I made this isosceles triangle one 2022 day. The story isn't found in what it's for.  It's more about the idea of working an imagined idea into reality, pondering it, and enjoying it.  Actually taking the time to pause, observe, and see in solitude.  Scripture says that God created - He knew who we'd be.  He enjoys His creation and creatures.  I wonder if God feels something like I feel, albeit infinitely greater and different, as He observes us?  Is this another way we're made in the image of God?

How does this apply to the only church in town?  Most churches design a building to fit the group's expected needs and hopes.  Those that helped create it have a special affinity for it.  Thirty years from now the people will be different, the building a bit more decayed, and patches will've given it a different look.  

The Apostle Paul refers to the "Body of Christ" as a called-out group of people.  Grasping this most wonderful idea requires our imagination as we read what's been revealed about it.  Through faith, you just might sense the beginnings of this wonderful, yet mystical, union of people in reality - introspection and contemplation required. 

Just for today...

"I don't have to look back at past ugliness except to learn from it, to enhance the present, and to release whatever beauty is trapped behind old secrets and self-defeating attitudes." Courage to Change (p. 67)

"I permitted Myself to be sought by those who did not ask for Me; I permitted Myself to be found by those who did not seek Me. I said, ‘Here am I, here am I,’ To a nation which did not call on My name."  Isaiah 65:1 (NASB)

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13 (NASB)

"The mind's canvas; Imagines what's not - Ways and tools; Dreams fulfilled."  Am I a Poet

February 9th - Live for Today, Plan for Tomorrow, Think on Eternity

 The story...

The speaker offered a new way of thinking within a good life: "LIVE for today; PLAN for tomorrow; and THINK on eternity."  This frame-of-mind seemed to be true with "face validity" - the kind of motto that a wise man might live by.  So, I pondered the motto and shared it's meaning with 100's of people; yet, I didn't really internalize it.  Why?  Maybe I didn't spend most of my time living in the present reality and my thoughts tended to camp out more in the past or the immediate future.  Now I can more clearly imagine what it might be like 10,000 years from now in the next life: "You where one of the people that our Lord Jesus the Christ purchased from that sin dominated old world?  Wow!  What was it like?"

Iniquity may be defined as a person's actions that don't match up with their thoughts, inner-man, or heart.  Iniquity can lead us into a mindset characterized by shame and guilt for what what we've done and expect to do in the future.  Faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, having paid the penalty for both our past and future iniquity, can lead a man to be truly free - Free from shame and guilt both within our own psyche and, most importantly, at the final judgement day of God. 

How would this motto and perspective best work out in the only church in town?  It's likely that their behavior would exhibit strengths, weaknesses, character flaws and occasional fruit that they seem to be gifted with. They'd be doers who uniquely work out what they know to be true about themselves and God in the present.  Together they'd be better equipped to move forward toward a right path within God's will.  Success, despite their flaws, would bring glory to their God whom they serve.

Just for today...

"The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak."  This quote and the following painting are from an abstract impressionist painter Hans Hofmann.   Thank you Hans.

February 6th - From Imagination to Sketch

 The story...

What might the only church in town look like?  I asked a sketching-hobbyist friend to paint a one-church town.   She responded with questions regarding what I wanted it to look like.   I asked her not to bias or restrict her imagination - "Please sketch the purpose of the blog."  She agreed to draw her image; yet, seemed a bit uneasy regarding how "good" it would be - would it meet my expectations?  She did good...

I wonder if we'd more readily "draw" from our inner-person, soul, or heart, if we periodically did spiritual reality assessments.  It seems like we'd grow in self-awareness as we pray, quietly meditate, and bend our ear toward God.  Is this part of what it means to walk humbly with God?

Just for today...

"Troubles are opportunities to grow, to make us better, not bitter.  Rightly used, we can learn from them not to repeat our own mistakes."  One Day at a Time (p. 37)

"When in doubt, don't."  Courage to Change (p. 37)

"The idea played; it formed in my soul - The hand worked it out; "wow," it's new!"  Am I a Poet?

February 5th - Idealized Hopes

 The story ...

The lyrics, of the MercyMe's "I Can Only Imagine," kindles wonderful images in both my imagination and inner man.  What will the afterlife be like?  Scripture reveals images such as God's throne room in Isaiah 6 - it seems we're given just enough to establish a confident hope. 

I imagined how my future spouse would fulfill my love needs.  It probably didn't occur to me that she might also be hoping that I might fulfill her love needs too.  These idealized hopes likely kept us moving forward - striving for an unattainable "best."  I've heard it said that insecure single people, who marry to fill the void they feel, will likely idolize their spouse.  If and when their spouse doesn't fulfill their fantasy, then the idolizing may turn into demonizing?

I can only imagine the only church in town, that might be characterized as "the best," yet I doubt that it can ever truly exist.  Personally, I've spent too many destructive hours critiquing the church, and the people in it, for not meeting my expectations.  Might the attainable good church be the place where people learn to do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with God in Christ (Micah 6:8).

Might the "good" only church in town best be communicated as a painting?  I admire those who can paint what they see or imagine in their inner person.  I'm not an artist; yet, I did invest a chunk of my life imagining, planning, and painting.  I understand that it's best to merely display a painting and let the viewer decide what it means to them.  So, here it goes - my first public display of artwork. 

Thoughts for the day ...

"Think," yet resist those thoughts that are impulsive, compulsive or reactive.  Aretha Franklin has something good to say about thinking.

"Thy God of Hope; promises all joy and peace - Thy tyrant self; offers futile tries."  Am I a Poet?

December 24th - Acknowledging reality

 The story...

My desk is a mess.  True, I don't currently have a designated place to put everything and I've more stuff than I need.  Yet, I know that I can organize my desk - I've done it in the past and I've the resources needed to make it happen.  Being organized is better and I've got the time to make it happen.  In fact, I expect that I'll actually enjoy the process once I get started.  So, why don't I get started?  I understand that this introspective quality is uniquely human - and a good focus of conversation with a close friend.  It's so freeing to be grounded closer to reality than our imaginary "world" that we "wish" was true.  Yet, might our best introspective efforts be an illusion?

The only church in town will review the reality that's expressed in the Apostle Paul's book of Ephesians and Philippians - wonderful truths, revelations from our Creator, that you won't discover from self reflection.  Why?  They're revealed by God for the benefit and hope of his creatures - us.

Just for today...

"Focusing on ourselves simply means that when we acknowledge the situation as it actually is, we look at our options instead of looking at the options available to other people. We consider what is within our power to change instead of expecting others to do the changing."  Courage to Change (p. 359)

December 23rd - Purposely act or react?

The story...

Habits, routines, honest personal reflection, relationship building, kindness, prayer, quiet meditation, showing respect, and a propensity for doing versus waiting have all worked well for me. This incomplete list helped me grow up.  We'd probably agree that we've erected mental models to make sense of our lives and environments.  We may not agree on just how much our models are incomplete, flawed, biased, or bent to justify what we do or believe; yet, upon reflection we'd likely agree that they're flawed attempts to reflect what we want to be true.  Then, maybe we'd continue to walk toward our life's aim in a more honest, humble, thoughtful, and peaceful way than most do?

How do I react to those whose ways, manners, physical characteristics, age, actions, beliefs, experiences, education, or aims are significantly different from mine?  In the future, I hope to seek to understand them before I attempt to "help" them understand me - Steven Covey principle.  This one focus seems to enable a whole lotta of other good-life stuff.

The only church in town will be a great place to meet up with co-sojourners for your life journey.  You can find friends with a common aim, who're on a similar path, that you can relate to, and are in a similar stage along the path.  It's important to work out your reality with others too - there're many opportunities to love, and be loved by, most of the everybody.  Relationships and love seem to be the good stuff in life.  Good stuff is available within the only church in town - God's presence within the Body of Christ  - yes, it's mysterious and awesome too.

Just for today...

"I would not want this person as a friend, but I do need to work with him as a professional. I don't like him... However, . . . I treat him with the same courtesy and respect I would like him to give me, regardless of whether or not he gives it.  I let it begin with me and act rather than react."  Hope for Today (p. 358)

November 26th - Relationships - Good "Vibes" - Like tennis?

The story...

I greatly value my close relationships - maybe that's why this post took so many words to explain.  Relationships require an investment of my whole person for focused periods of time.  Here's the glue that seems to make'em stick for me:

• Who: similar personalities and journeys - ages from 35 yrs younger to 5 yrs. older
• What: equal sharing, & listening, of reality & ideas for what is and might be
• Where: coffee shop, restaurant, church, or via e-mail/text
• When: person-to-person biweekly - convenient time of day - one to two+ hours
• Why:  honestly sharing life-walks - giving & receiving - growing together
• How: sharing equally without unrequested opinion - like a good game of tennis

How's a strong relationship like a good game of tennis?  You share equally by taking turns serving and returning the ball.  You treat each other with respect or you won't continue to play.  Must plan to meet periodically at a mutually agreeable time/place.  You've similar goals for the tennis experience.  You'll accommodate your partner's physical limitations.  The joy of returning their shot on the sweet-spot of your racquet, at a similar level of energy, is invigorating - it's like you're fully connected yet remaining fully independent.  Conversation with a good friend is a lot like that.  Please don't even think about turning the joy of relationship into a win-lose game like tennis might be.  I heard Maryland's football coach say his team's "care factor" was excellent and that was why they were performing well - same with relationships.

The sweet-spot of the racquet is where the vibrations of the racquet cancel out and the forces are more fully transferred into the ball return.  Those vibrations are irritating, fatiguing and even harmful to our bodies.  Yes, a good conversation and a good tennis volley are similar.  We all know how fatiguing the unwanted "vibes" between people can be - they aren't okay within a close relationship - they continually wear down, erode, and destroy relationships.

The only church in town will be one group with a kind of personality of their own.  There'll be sub-groups that'll have their own personalities too.   Within these "purposed" groups you'll find opportunities to develop friendships with a person(s) similar to you.  These relationships will be like walking side-by-side through life focused on reality - the most important spiritual reality that truly lasts.  When we stray from the path, a friend can help us  "wake up" and return to the life-giving path.

We're blinded to spiritual reality when we focus on ourselves and ignore who we actually are as creatures - creatures created by a living and active God.  He's interested and powerfully working through our todays, tomorrows, and our eternal future too - He says so.  Experiencing a relationship with Him in Christ is like no other - "I'm with Him."

Just for today...

"... we don't tell anybody what to do. People only accept and use advice they're ready for . . . When I am asked for advice, I know only what I would do if I were faced with the same problem, and not what would be right for another."  One Day at a Time (p. 331)

"I learned to trust no one, to stay silent at all costs, to stuff my feelings, never to stand up for myself, to take on more responsibility than I could handle, to love conditionally, and to tell white lies to cover up my home life. No wonder as an adult I perceived that close interpersonal relationships were like constantly moving targets.  Usually I was the one who was moving because I lacked the skills to develop and maintain healthy adult relationships."  Hope for Today (p. 331)

November 25th - Might my imagined reality be bent? Unrealistic? Blinding me from truth?

The story...

I thought it wise to imagine and create a positive self image of: who I was, how I wanted to be perceived, how I planned to change, and how I'd execute the plan.  I'd hold onto this imagined reality, and defend it, even if it took much persuasion and the bending of reality too.  I wanted to be perceived as a good actor in the story of life and reap the rewards.  Sadly, my imagined reality and story didn't mesh well with other people's imagined plans and stories.  So, I worked to influence, manipulate, or even control them so that they supported my story - like supporting actors in the story of "me."  It's hard to write this, let alone read it aloud; yet, it seems true to my nature.

Surely, the world can be harsh, alongside other selfish people, so it seems reasonable that we adopt a self-created role that allows us to get along while "trying" to get our needs met.  When our efforts to get along don't work, we may pick up our toys and go home - stay isolated - seeking warmth within the small comfort found by wrapping up in that old-raggedy blanket of our self image - sounds a bit cold and Grinchy.

The only church in town will share God's revealed Word about the nature that we were born with - the selfish, self-sustaining, and self-promoting nature that looks toward meeting our own needs first.  They will hear about what God did to pay for our redemption, pay our God-offensive sin debts, so that we might walk through this life and eternity with our most holy God and Father - peacefully.  Wow, that's good news they'll hear there - "the" story to know and share.

Just for today...

"Sometimes the greatest growth comes through pain, but it's not the pain that helps me grow, it's my response to it.  Will I suffer through the experiences and continue as before or let the pain inspire change that helps me grow?"  Courage to Change (p. 330)

October 31st - I'm okay in Christ

The story...

The numbness in both legs began a couple days ago - I noticed it when I was lovin' on my grand daughter while carrying her to the car after the hockey tournament.  The reality of my degenerating lumbar vertebrae can no longer be ignored.  My behavior must match the reality of my condition or my nervous system will give me direct and pointed feedback - ouch, reality's set in.

I expect that some nice person will call me today to schedule my MRI.  They'll insert my body in this big metal tube to take a 3D picture of this unseen reality.  I expect that two of the disks will be a bit flatter and protruded than before and that the stenosis will've narrowed the holes that my nerves are threaded through.  Yes, I'm now more aware of my limitations...

The surgeon told me about 14 years ago that he'd likely see me again in 15 years.  So, why did this catch me by surprise?  I couldn't help but notice that my height's shrinking as my disks flatten.  My spine doesn't care if I like the reality or not - it just is.  My only realistic choice is to adapt to what's true and how I'll move my body.  I can choose to be thankful for every miraculous breath, imagine an alternate reality, or whine and complain. 

The only church in town will offer opportunities to walk side-by-side others as we walk humbly with God.  A more honest life might be lived with a clearer, yet still cloudy, view of spiritual realities and the next life too.

Just for today...

"I'm attacked by thoughts of disaster. I imagine failure, torment, agony. And then I act. I do something rash or fruitless in order to put a bandage on the situation, because the one thing I most fear is being afraid."  Courage to Change (p. 305)

"I grew up in a family where scorn, criticism, and teasing were everyday modes of communication. To cope, I developed the ability to hide my pain and confusion behind sarcasm and ridicule. Making myself feel bigger and better by making fun of others never filled the emptiness I felt inside."  Hope for Today (p. 305)

September 30th - Imagining God's Word or what I might worry into existence?

The story...

I read and silently sang songs from a "Young Life" song book this morning.  It was a wonderful imaginary trip into: past experiences, feelings, and glimpses of what might be down the road.

Maybe I've imagined more when I was young - before the reality of the middle chapters of life were written.  The future was unknown then; yet, I question how much I do remember of what actually happened.  My perspectives were limited, there was a lot I didn't see, much I ignored, and certainly spiritual realities that weren't perceivable by my senses.

I can only imagine

The only church in town will work out life within community - one that trusts God's.  A community that's enlightened by the Word of God.  While imagining realities that are only partially witnessed, we're able to experience enough with glimpses of so much more.  "I can only imagine..."

Just for today...

"This day is all I have to work with. The past is over and tomorrow is out of reach."  Courage to Change (p. 274)

Worrying is using your imagination to create a future you don't want.

September 22nd - Pilgrim's Progress - The 1678 Christian Life Allegory

The story...

"If you're in a frustrating exchange with another person - drop the tug-of-war rope."  I remember hearing about this "tool" from another person who described it as one she used on her journey to being more okay with herself.  She was at a point of feeling worthy of being loved and able to more fully love others too.  "Dropping the rope" seemed easy to do so I "tried it on" for a few days - the results were real good.  I shared my exuberance for the "tool" application, at our next meeting, and was ready to "try on" more live-giving ways of living from these new friends who'd traveled a similar road.  As we listened and shared, our lives began to grow together - we seemed to be walking side-by-side as fellow sojourners towards the "Celestial City" - enjoying each other's company along the way.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The Pilgrims Progress

The only church in town will offer, those who might read Pilgrim's Progress, to better understanding of our life journey towards that celestial city.  The church will offer fellow pilgrims God's revelation about Himself, faith, hope, peace, joy, our future, and sustenance for our most adventurous journey.

Just for today...

"It's a wonderful opportunity to practice giving unconditional love and support by simply listening.  Many of us hear stories that are similar to our own; others can often identify with the feelings that are expressed. Perhaps we will be reminded of where we have been and how far we have come."  Courage to Change (p. 266)

"Worrying about trifles saps my spiritual energy which I could certainly put to better use. Am I willing to waste my life in this way? . . . I will not be made uneasy by what others do, whether they intend to hurt me or not. I will not clutter up my thoughts with resentment; it would not profit me, worse it would hurt me."  One Day at a Time (p. 266)

"Sometimes I'm afraid I'll have to separate from my family members to maintain my quest for healthy living, especially when they deny and justify their unacceptable behavior . . . I am slowly learning that trying to change someone else's behavior to suit my needs is an exercise in futility and frustration. Truly profound power and peace lie in the ability to change my behavior to suit my needs . . . I can accept people as they are."  Hope for Today (p. 266)

September 10th - "Fake it to make it" or "accept another's belief until it's real for you?"

The story...

We invited a new couple from our church to our home for dinner.  After dinner, we were sitting out on the deck discussing essentials of the Christian faith and contrasting that knowledge with the actual reality of a faith worked out - a real and working relationship with God and other people too.  Uncomfortably, we opened up the subject of "faking it to make it."  Clearly they were not attending this "new" church to be with people who were faking their Christian faith; yet, we acknowledged that trying on the Christian faith might be part of a process by which selves do work out a sort of death in preparation for beginning life as a new sort of creature in Christ.  They did move on to another church not long after our dinner discussion - that's okay.

Faking a belief that you hope is true, so that it might become real, seems wrong.  Wanting to believe what another person believes and therefore believing that they believe as a first step also seems wrong.  Yet, both of these paths might lead to that illusive outcome that's promised to be the very best.

Will the only church in town instruct children to act in a manner that's in accordance with the will of God before they're saved - yes.  Will non-believers be accepted just as they are and be allowed to act out the role outwardly before they are changed internally - yes.  Ideally it'd be different but it often ain't.

Just for today...

"Gradually and together we built roots and a pair of wings so I could soar and feel connected at the same time. I borrowed her faith until I acquired my own."  Hope for Today (p. 254)

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster."  Friedrich Nietzsche

September 5th - Enjoying my imaginary Olympic games - did I spend too much time there?

The story...

I loved the idea of the Olympic Games and often imagined competing in my favorite event(s) - decathlon, downhill skiing, biathlon...  I'd be the victorious one who worked hard to overcome all problems and shortcomings to be the best.  "It would be soo... great to win."

It pained me to think that the wait was four years between events.  I do wonder whether the reality of the games was as good as I hoped it would be.  Certainly, I never actually went to the games and the TV coverage was much more limited then.  Was I living in that imaginary world trying to fulfill needs of mine?   I sure enjoyed following: Mark Spitz, Bruce Jenner, Edwin Moses, Eric Heiden, Usain Bolt, Bode Miller, Katie Ledecky...

Pride in my Country and hopes that I too might win in the game of life seemed like positive traits.  Did they compel me to want to be a better man?  Even if I couldn't actually win, I could live more often in an imaginary world where I might.  Was I spending too much of my thought life in an imagined future versus living out the actual day(s) that were mine?

I expect that the only church in town would preach the Good News of how we can live out this life, and the one to follow, walking humbly and close with God.  Imagining the future and reflecting on the past are helpful yet they surely are less important than living out the reality of today.  Today is where we both can live out each breath of this miracle of life and be in the present where God is.

Just for today...

"I'd get so caught up in what I was going to do that I often wasn't aware of what I was doing now . . . I give thanks for the little joys in each day. I still make plans, but I don't let my thoughts erase the present. Anticipation is sweet, but not at the cost of today."  Hope for Today (p. 249)

"The true nature of my problems was my stubborn refusal to acknowledge feelings, to accept them, and to let them go. I have very little power over what feelings arise, but what I choose to do about them is my responsibility. Today I can accept my feelings, share about them with others, recognize they are feelings, not facts, and let them go."  Courage to Change (p. 249)

"Our greatest handicap is self-deception. We cannot recognize in ourselves the faults we criticize in others."  One Day at a Time (p. 249)

August 6th - What does a really good day look like in your daydreams?

The story...

There was a summer, during my middle-school years, when I didn't do much.  I delivered my daily newspapers, participated in family stuff, watched too much TV and daydreamed. Strangely, I remember contemplating my rather dull summer while thinking it really didn't make any difference - the summer was nearly over too for those who actually lived out the type of summer I hoped for.  Yes, that chunk of life was over for everyone.

Daydream - Lovin' Spoonful

What would I tell the teenage me If I could sit down with him back then?  Would I tell him about the good circumstances that awaited?  Would I tell the rather short me that I'd grow to be 6' 4" tall?  Would I tell him that it was better than he thought?  Would I share an appreciation fir the good that he actually had available?  Or would I tell him to focus on the greatest two commandments in the bible:  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, strength, and mind.  And, love your neighbor as yourself?  I expect what I really needed was to understand, be understood, and to learn to love and be loved just as I was.

Would you rather be loved in poor circumstances or unloved in favorable circumstances?  In my humble opinion, my best days are those where I'm loving my neighbors as myself.  A day when I'm a best friend to me which seems to serve as a source of strength for loving other people.  And, I can only love me if I'm right with, or at peace with, God the Father.

People attending the only church in town will hear about how they too might be right with God the Father through His provision.  The bible says faith in His Son's redeeming death, burial and resurrection positions people in Christ - a place where we can be rightly related to God and enjoy a most wonderful condition both now and forevermore. (Ephesians 1)

Just for today...

"I would put aside critical thoughts of others. I would notice interesting things - the expressions on people's faces, a plant growing on my windowsill, the grace and charm of a child, an arrangement of clouds. Today there are wonders all around me, if I will open my eyes and enjoy them."  One Day at a Time (p. 219)

August 4th - Express yourself - really

The story...

Yesterday, I listened to a guest speaker describe his perceived value of knowing the difference between his imagined self and his real self.  Yes, we all likely developed and refined an image of who we were to "better" cope with the realities of life. 

Our need to belong to, or fit in with, any group often leads to a sort of group think - a place where pleasing people and conforming to group norms is very important.  Bruce Lee describes his value of expressing himself within the following video.

Isn't it best to belong to and fit into the group that you identify with?  Isn't it polite and respectful to think and behave like the group?  You did have some control over the decision to join the group and possibly even become a "member."  

Visitors to the only church in town will likely find a different world view - a place where they might express a more true self.  It seems they'd start with themselves, then with others, and ideally with God too.  Or, it could be another place where they'd merely conform to the new group norms - if they feel group acceptance then they're okay?  Maybe they aren't okay if they merely fit in.

For me, it seems that we'd all want to be our true selves walking in a actual relationship with our Creator and God - being okay each day and expectantly living with eternity in view.  Yet, that means that our imagined self would need to be transformed in a sort of death.  Our imagined self, or ego, seems to want an environment that conforms with, and bolsters, this image that's been developed and refined throughout a lifetime.

Just for today...

"'But he knew what I expected,' not realizing that it may have been precisely for this reason that he rebelled and acted otherwise."  One Day at a Time (p. 217)

"Since my parents were my main authorities in my life until then, I expected my boss to treat me the same way my parents did.  I acted on the expectation by shutting down in fear.  If I felt uncomfortable about something in the workplace, I kept quiet. When I felt my employee rights were violated, I stuffed my anger."  Hope for Today (p. 217)

July 28th - Living in the present - it takes time to live there.

The story...

"What are you thinking about right now?"  I remember asking that question to multiple people who answered with their response: "nothing."  Since I seemed to be constantly thinking about things, I interpreted their feedback as not being very self-aware, hiding their thoughts, self-medicated, or merely being a non-contemplative personality.  To my knowledge, it never crossed my mind that they might be living in, and experiencing, the "present" as opposed to living in the "past" or "future."

How did I wake up to the value of living in the present?  A significant personal issue led me along a path of brokenness and obsession over probable causes for the turmoil and those who contributed to the problem.  I was obsessing over the situation and it was affecting me negatively - physically, mentally, spiritually, and relationally.  I met with a group of people who had experienced similar life brokenness and they taught me the value of living in the present where life, the Spirit of God, and real relationships are worked out in reality.

I practiced, living in the present, while hiking in the woods.  When obsessive thinking about the past or future began to weigh heavy upon my shoulders, I literally brushed them off with my hand.  I focused on my five senses and experiencing what was going on in my environment, my heart and my spirit too.  The process of "living in the present" took about two years to integrate into the actualities and patterns of my life - what a wonderful change for the whole me.

I've been told that living too much in the past leads to depression and that living too much in the future leads to prolonged anxiety - that rang true to me.  Living in the present, where actual life and God are, clearly seems to be the best way to experience reality, relationships, love, and the seemingly illusive good and satisfying life.  You just might find all joy and hope there too (Romans 15:13).

The people visiting the only church in town may witness love and the value of living within God's presence.  He did all the heavy lifting to forgive all the sin that separated us from living "the good life" in the "present" walking humbly with God (Micah 6:8) - true peace and rest.

Just for today...

"A stonecutter may strike a rock ninety-nine times with no apparent effect, not even a crack on the surface.  Yet with the hundredth blow, the rock splits in two. It was not the final blow that did the trick, but all that had gone before . . . The results may have revealed themselves abruptly, but I know that all those months of faith and hard work made the change possible."  Courage to Change (p. 210)

July 20th - Why live in an imaginary reality?

The story...

Males in my mother's and father's families were all balding except for one.  My receding hairline and "spot" were visible in my wedding pictures.  I knew it was happening yet it crept up slowly.  Then, there was the day that my friend who cut my hair, Penny, reached for the electric cutter rather than the scissors.  She admitted that trimmers would do just as good as scissors yet she appreciated both my business and our friendship.  The day that I finally accepted that I was bald and began cutting my own hair was a good one.  I let loose of the old and accepted the reality of the new.  Actually, there're advantages living in the reality of being a bald guy.  I could list a few, that you might not be aware of, but that's not what this story's about.

Living within the reality of our actual environment, mental, physical, and spiritual state is the best place to be - peace, well being, and joy can be found there.  Living in an imaginary place, within any of these dimensions, is like living in a house of cards.  Maybe hyped-up emotions are an indicator or sign that you might be living outside reality.  Might those over reactions and need to do exciting stuff, with amped-up emotions, indicate a life lived in the uncomfortable state of an imagined reality?   Are our emotions like gauges that might give us clues as to "What's going on?"

"What's going on?"  4 Non-Blondes

The only church in town would be a place where you can find out what's going on.  People who reach out in love may ask you.  And, most importantly, you can hear and better understand what God has revealed about what's really going on.

Just for today...

"By clutching at what we most want to keep, we lose it all the more rapidly . . . By letting go of our efforts to influence the future, we become freer to experience the present, to feel all of our feelings while they are happening, and to more full enjoy those precious moments of joy with which we are blessed."  Courage to Change (p. 202)

June 29th - Is Isolation a Sort of Cloaking Device?

The story...

I remember day dreaming about a scenario where everybody else was frozen in time . . . paused . . . and I was free to roam and do as I pleased.  At first, it seemed exciting breaking all of the rules and having free reign to go anywhere that I wanted to; but, I imagined transportation, food, and safety issues.  Then, I'd have to admit that it would be horribly lonely and purposeless living in isolation without relationships.  No, it wouldn't be better, more comfortable, enjoyable or even exciting for long.

How do we best respond when we're emotionally hurt by other people?  Do people really respond like Steve Martin in the movie "The Jerk?" Imagining we are self sufficient, don't need anyone else, pretending everything's okay, and moving further down the spiral towards self isolation.

What do we get when we self isolate?  Obsessive thoughts that justify the isolation along with their physical, mental and emotional consequences?   Erosion of the social skills that enable us to get along with and cooperate with other selfish people for our mutual good and growth?  It's kind of like Maverick's self isolation in Top Gun: "Maverick Engage!"

Cabbie's Imagined place of peace and bliss - Movie - Collateral

I hope that the only church in town will allow people the freedom to live out their lives themselves.  Yes, even through periods of isolation; but, I hope that they wouldn't stay away from others for too long.  I hope that a good neighbor, who's also loved by God, would take the first steps toward creating a bridge for them to reenter community. ✌

Just for today...

"Each unconsciously suppresses facts that might reflect badly on him or her, and exaggerates the other's faults."  One Day at at Time (p. 181)

"I no longer merely have to survive the hour, the day, or even the year in loneliness and isolation.  Instead I can learn to trust someone else and take chances..."  Hope for Today (p. 181)

June 14th - Will what works for you really work best for others?

The story...

Oh the countless hours spent coaching others regarding how they might best improve their lives based on my own learnings and experiences.  Sharing my ways of living seemed like a noble endeavor.  This "story teller" style of interaction attracted listeners.  The dream of telling stories as a professor seemed like a good person-job fit so I worked that long winding path towards a PhD.  The last ten years of my career were spent living out my dream job.

I imagined being a professor who lived on a quiet-tree-lined street, in a one-story house, with a big front porch.  Students would stop by to discuss their research work, to talk about life, or to imagine what might be together.  We'd work consulting engagements together where we'd make a real difference.  As you might expect, it didn't work out the way I imagined.  Students and fellow professors tired me by the end of the day and I looked forward to retiring to my condo outside of campus.

Towards the end of the semester, during my first year teaching in Duluth, MN, a student made a comment to me within a large lecture hall.  "I don't see why we're tested on opinions that you have about anything - shouldn't we be tested on what's proved to be true about the subject?"  He was right; thereafter, I clearly distinguished my opinion from the body of knowledge that we studied together.

So, I do know a lot of stuff yet know that a man should be taught as though they've not been taught. Who can know the will of God for another person?  Within the past three years, I've more frequently kept my opinions to myself and found that I now have few opinions as to what another person might best do or be.  It seems, I don't naturally gravitate to forming opinions about other people anymore.  I do look for, and greatly appreciate, closer relationships with other people and my closer walk with God through the Spirit of Christ.

Interpersonal skills worthy of emulating...

Within the only church in town, people would be allowed to actually grow in their love for God, for themselves, and for other people too.  Each person loving in their own unique way and at their own pace.   The measure of their faith wouldn't be primarily based on their knowledge of scripture or church resume - they would be a unique work of God, rightly related to Him, and humbly walking together.

Just for today...

"It's only natural to want to share what works for me with those I love.  But, when I must share it now, I may be more interested in changing others than in sharing my experience, strength, and hope."  Courage to Change (p. 166)

"We ought not to insist on everyone following in our footsteps, nor to take upon ourselves to give instructions in spirituality when, perhaps, we do not even know what it is."  Teresa of Avila