June 20th - The Stacking Habit

The story...

My story begins with an attempt to share a bad habit that I replaced with a good one.  I selected a habit that to change over the next month.  Was I able to replace the habit with a better one?  Would I be more comfortable with me?

The habit I choose was: organizing the stuff near my side of the bed every day.  I've a habit of stacking things and quickly tossing items to the nearest stack.  The stacking seemed to invite my spouse, without actually saying so, to stack stuff there too.  I willed to organize my side of my bedroom every day after I completed the nytimes.com "Wordle" game.

My Wordle result - 05/17/23

It's been said that a good way to begin a new habit is to "Stack" it after a habit that you find pleasure in and look forward to.  Personally, I look forward to every Sunday morning when I meet my friends at church, synch our lives, remind each other of the reality of what God's revealed, and to praise and wordship "That in Which There is No Greater."  Being involved in the only church in town will involve people and their sin which will inevitably cause conflict and problems when focused on the Holy.  God's Word and Power will offer peace for each of his "Christ Ones" as they navigate through life together.  People and their habits being transformed toward...

IS THE STACKING PHENOMENA OVER?  No, I still have a stack of stuff next to my bed although I do periodically organize.  Maybe the stacking is part of my routine/habits that best fits this stage of my life?  I'm okay with the stacking me today - living in the present more honestly and humbly.

Just for today...

"The 'defects of character' I want to be rid of are sure to have deep roots in habit . . . If I am truly willing, I will see them replaced gradually by impulses of a different quality, that I can live with, comfortably and free from self-reproach."   One Day at a Time (p. 172)

"The first step in learning to respond more effectively to others is to learn to respond more effectively to myself.  I can learn to respond with love, caring, and respect for myself, even for those parts of me that experience fear, confusion, and anger."  Courage to Change (p. 172)

"Ain't no plan; Results aren't good - Try again; Don't like should."
"Someone loves me; We're a team - Do as one; Smiles gleam."    Am I a Poet?

May 26th - Say Goodbye to Say Hello

The story...

I liked the motorcycle I owned; yet, planned to sell it to buy another.  Surely, I justified the change - size, ABS safety, travel further, and reliability too.   Yet, I missed the nimbleness, maneuvering ease, and efficiency too - it's was a good friend and companion.  

Why didn't I keep it?  Keeping meant more: maintenance, storage space, insurance cost, and time wasted caring for things.  No, I said goodbye to the old and hello to the new.

First day I owned it - it's time to say goodbye already.

How do we know when a thing, group, or way of living has run its course?  Is it wise to reduce the bias that we have for keeping things just as they are?  Surely there're reasons for why things are the way they are and it'd be foolish not to consider their past, current, and potential value; yet, change is good.

Why not try out a new behavior pattern?  Change experiences may be as simple as: driving home a different way; eating a different kind of food; or attending an event with different people, ideas, hobbies, or  ways of being.  Change has been good for my life walk and character - being ready to roll with change has helped.

People, ministries, buildings, job descriptions and worship practices will come and go within the only church in town.  Yet one day, everybody will take their final breath - "goodbye."  Then, they'll say hello to eternity - our real home.  Oh..., to be found in Christ and loved by God.  Heaven doesn't wait.

Just for today...

"If I don't get too attached to any one way to approach life, I adjust to change with a lot less stress and strain . . .  As a friend says: 'We don't see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.'"  Courage to Change (p. 147)

"That's my place; I like that - Like the same; Life seems flat."
"Open my heart; I meet you - We try stuff; Live anew."   Am I a Poet?

April 12th - Enduring Change Takes Time - Be Patient

The story...

My life trajectory's improved significantly during my 60's.  The changes came slowly and were worked out alongside other pilgrims on a similar journey.  Those who walked with me seemed more honest with themselves, more okay as they were, and less guarded too.

It surprised me that meaningful change took months, rather than weeks, to become more habitual and part of my character.  For example, I learned that I often thought obsessively over problems, issues, and even new ideas.  Obsessive thinking restrained me from engaging in, and enjoying, the present - the "now" where life's actually lived.  Once I witnessed a better way, I assumed that I'd change my behavior within 40 days at most - I've often heard it takes 40 days to establish a habit.  It actually took me about six months to truly be different.  A trigger can still start a cycle of obsessive thinking; yet, I often, resolve it within the first 10 min. and return to living in the present.

I hope that the only church in town would accept people just as they are with grace and mercy.  The community would allow others to safely grow at their own pace.  Yes, real growth seems to take longer than expected and requires patience.  Over time, the Spirit of God will begin to bear fruit through their lives.  Some of their old defensive armor, built to defend themselves, will be exchanged for the far better armor of God.

Just for today...

"You cannot create a statue by smashing the marble with a hammer, and you cannot by force of arms release the spirit or soul of man."  Confucius (551–479 BCE)

"Despair - how many of us suffer from it!  Yet we do not realize that it is purely the absence of faith." One Day at a Time (p. 103)

"Trapped inside; Habits of old - Practice better; Tower high."    Am I a Poet?

April 8th - Rule of Thumb - Go Left

The story...

When guessing the path that another person took, Jack Reacher always chose to turn left - counter clockwise.  Why?  Most people are right handed.  Yet most left-handed and right-handed are right-footed.  With no other information available, the average person will kick out their right leg and begin to turn counter clockwise.  This is a "Reacher" rule-of-thumb, heuristic, for decision making.

If you're following me, you'd soon find that I'm a predictable person who likes to follow comfortable patterns.  Thankfully, I'm also a curious sort who's willing to try on new ideas and ways of looking at things.  Yes, I'm what some would call a "life long learner." 

Some things are "too good" to be true so we may either accept it blindly or reject the dish without a taste.  Like the following situation from the Seinfeld series:

When Newman finds out that the no-fat yogurt store is shut down because the delectable yogurt truly has fat - he blames the people who exposed the façade.  He directs anger towards those who knocked down his "house of cards."

The only church in town's standard would be truths that God has revealed.  Reality often run contrary with our desire to satisfy ourselves by eating as much no-fat yogurt as we want.  We may choose to surround ourselves with those who also "buy in" to the no-fat yogurt ruse - everybody's okay as long as the ruse remains unexposed.  God's Word shines the light of truth on our thinking and behavior to expose the self-absorbed life condition for what it truly is.   It seems we can only find real satisfaction through justice and loving kindness while walking humbly with God in Christ (Micah 6:8).

Is today a good day to see what condition your condition is in? 

Just for today...

"There can be great value in examining the past. It can offer information about the present, as well as clues that might help us make changes for a better future . . . Still, it is important to remember that the past is over.  We are powerless over what has gone before."  Courage to Change (p. 99)

"Sometimes I would rather deny that a decision needs to be made than to tolerate the discomfort that comes with participating in the decision-making processes . . . I grew up seeing the extremes of decision-making - dominance and lack of participation."  Hope for Today (p. 99)

"You like A;  Why choose B? - MayBe better; Come and see."
"It's clunky; Fumble through - Not the best; Don't like new."   Am I a Poet?

March 30th - Thermostat or Thermometer?

The story...

I was alone for 12 days while my spouse was traveling.  I kept busy doing projects and meeting with people, at least once per day.  It was good to pick her up at the airport and return to a more normal home life.  However, I noticed that I began speaking more loudly and quickly when telling a good story or discussing daily events.  I noticed the change in intensity and made adjustments by lowering my voice and slowing down.  I mentioned this to her and she noticed the changes I was making.  She said that it was just fine the way things were yet I think that quieter and less intense is preferable.  Maybe it's my go-to way since I grew up with four loud siblings.

I mentioned this story to a pastor friend and asked him if being quieter was a worthy personal change effort.  He encouraged me to work at this better communication style.  And, he relayed a wise metaphor that you may also find helpful.  When entering the room, you can choose to be either a thermometer or a thermostat.  A thermometer matches the "temperature" of the room while the thermostat can change the "temperature" of the room.

I expect that the only church in town would have a temperature, or level of intensity, that allows for all people to feel more comfortable, respected, loved, and engaged.  Each player effects the temperature whether it be good or bad.

Just for today...

"My efforts to be selfless by trying to please everyone but myself weren't working.  The focus was on their response rather than on what seemed right for me to do."  Courage to Change (p. 90)

"Until I am intimate with myself and treat myself with compassion, kindness, trust, acceptance, and love, I can't be the spouse, friend, son, or father I want to be." Hope for Today (p. 90)

"You're quiet; I'm excited - Talk's hard; Love's better."   Am I a Poet?

March 8th - A friend to all is a friend to none

 The story...

When in my 20s, I had a reoccurring fantasy of owning a bar that sold food.  I'd stop by a couple of times per day to see the familiar, laugh with friends, and meet new people too.  Saturday mornings would find me doing the "books" at my favorite seat - "my" booth.  The morning sun would be shinning through the windows and I'd feel comfort and self-fulfillment.

A few times a year, me and my friend, drank beer and dined at a place called "Tip a Few" in Grand Haven, MI.  It's similar but different from my imagined place of goodness and comfort. I liked to order a pitcher of "Pabst Blue Ribbon" beer - the beer I often shared with friends during my college years.  Inevitably, I'd resurrect the dream of owning my bar with great enthusiasm.  The one who knows me well would say "here you go again" and they'd sit back with "that smile I hold dear" as I retold my vision of how it would be and how great it would feel.  Five minutes after we left the front door I'd again say: "what was I thinking?"  Then, the one who knows me well would squeeze my hand and we'd walk on together - laughing.   

Since September 2020, no alcohol has entered my body.  Personally, I had practical and situational reasons for stopping - it seemed clearly good for me.  I've started other good habits that're now part of who I am.  The change hasn't affected where I go much; yet, once I returned to "Tip a Few."  The people respectfully served me water and I enjoyed the experience with muchness.  That old-fond dream seems to be vanquished and gone forever - that's good.  It's part of a better alignment between my body, mind, and soul.

It's water

Would the only church in town attempt to simulate this common "good" experience with coffee bars and breakfast nooks?  I've witnessed a few good "tries" yet they seemed to be a bit pretentious and fall short - they weren't the thing.  I expect that people, who'd go to the only church in town, would be looking for the real thing - to better know the Word of "That Than Which there is No Greater," to know more of what is really going on, and to be more like the person that He is and wants them to be - their aim. 

 

Just for today...

"A friend to all is a friend to none."   The Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle (340 BCE)

"The clinking sound; The happy hum - Shoulder to shoulder; I loved that bar."
"It wasn't the place; Alcohol unneeded - Loved the loving; Interlude of peace."   Am I a poet?

March 6th - Like swimming laps

 The story...

They say swimming is good for you.  For me, it's the best alternative.  I wonder what swimming is like for young athletes; all those hours with their head down thinking about what?  In 2022, I had a second go at a swimming life style - a good habit.  The whole process takes about two hours with 35 minutes actually swimming freestyle - the crawl.  I pack my bag, drive, find a space, walk in, talk to a friend, change, do a lifting/aerobic routine, shower, jump in, start my Apple watch, swim, soak, shower, change, talk again, and drive somewhere.  Why would a sane person do such a thing?  For me, it's part of a better life.  I expect that people who come closest to knowing me would agree that this is a good investment of these chunks of life.  I plan on sticking with it until...

How does a person think while their eyes are seeing those tile squares, on the bottom of the pool, flow by?  I used to think about how much longer I had to do this - my watch takes care of that now.  Each  time's different yet the same in some ways.  You can't hear much, can't see much, can't smell much, can't taste much but you do feel a whole lot as you almost weightlessly float along.  I come out of the pool feeling rested and more peaceful.  And, a bit closer to my inner-man - maybe even spirit-to-Spirit connection.

The one I love is running is within this photo.

The only church in town might feel like the community pool.  I hope you enjoy pondering this one and maybe even plan to visit your community pool.  Might a change to your routine help you "be."

Just for today...

"When I was angry and wanted to argue, I silently fumed.  When I was hurt and wanted comfort, I pouted. When I wanted attention, I talked non-stop. I couldn't understand why I rarely got the responses I expected!  I no longer expect anyone to read my mind."  Courage to Change (p. 66)

"Feet dangling in; Ready to jump - Waste no time; Enter the chill."
"First lap's fast; Body knows how - Mind's on me, Heart's exposed."
"Few distractions; Spirit and soul - We're together; Smooth and aligned."
"Time is up; Return to life - A better man; Me and He."    Am I a Poet?

February 22nd - The incredible edible egg

The story...

The Egg Board advertised the value of the egg in a 1978 marketing campaign - "the incredible, edible egg."  Why would egg producers need to market the value of eggs?  Well, one large egg has about 186 mg of cholesterol, an interim-fasting diet may skip breakfast, and vegans view eggs as an animal product.  I remember my mother buying Carnation Instant Breakfast, in the 1960s.  They advertised it as the perfect breakfast for a really good day - and it tastes good too!  I also liked this milk-shake breakfast - for a season.

Two of my favorite civil war characters are Thomas (Stonewall) Jackson and Abraham (Abe) Lincoln. I understand that the typical "sustaining" diet for a soldier was about a pound of meat and a pound of bread or flour per day. Similarly, Abraham Lincoln had a simple diet and may have ate one boiled egg for breakfast when visiting the troops.  The egg seems like a good choice in a civil war camp - you could count on it being clean after you peeled off that natural protective shell.

Might the only church in town provide the food, or sustenance, for living a "good life."  Wendy's marketing campaign "where's the beef?" seems like an appropriate question to ask.  The only church in town may be known for offering the path to a "good life."  A path that's consistently walked with the light of the Word of God's illumination.  People would witness this good life in "actualities" and through real people with skin on them.  An advertising campaign wouldn't be necessary.

Just for today...

"In the grand scheme of things, no single decision is ever really that important.  I can do my best to make decisions wisely, but the results are in the hands of God."  Courage to Change (p. 53)

"Let me cultivate awareness of those around me; it is all the better for me, too, if I clarify my thoughts before I speak."  One Day at a Time (p. 53)

"Air fills lungs; Minds direct steps - Scripture opens veils; Glimpses of eternal."  Am I a Poet?

February 16th - Habits

The story...

I'm a thankful leader, of a group of guys, within Bible Study Fellowship (BSF).  This non-denominational bible study organization encourages daily scripture reading and provides a common set of questions that guides small groups towards disclosure and self discovery.  Our group meets and shares weekly -  truly, the group is greater than the sum of it's parts.  My friends become less guarded as we share more of the reality of our lives and parts of our inner man too.  It's a good thing to be introspective with the "Light" of God's Word illuminating "What's really going on."  I truly agape love these men as we continue to learn who "we" are and grow stronger as a group.

In 2023, I read James Clear's book - Atomic Habits.  James shares how he started a blog to share how good habits drove positive change and real growth in his life.  People shared and taught each other. Yes, they grew together - hence the seeds for a top-selling book.  He includes the idea of stacking habits.  Stacking suggests that you add a new habit immediately following a habit that you already have and enjoy.  It seemed foolish to read a book on habits and not make a positive change in my own life.  So, I shared my commitment with my BSF group, I willed to do my BSF study work every day after I completed my daily WORDLE puzzle.  I was successful for about four months.  Did I falter and quit after four months?  Actually, to my surprise, my daily scripture reading is now a daily habit of its own, much like WORDLE.  It became part of the fabric of my life.

The only church in town would probably be non-denominational - reflecting the community.  Sub-groups of people would likely form.  These new groups would have the potential to grow together in ways that they never could have if they each stayed marooned on a island of their own making.

Just for today...

"We are only as sick as our secrets.  Until we let them out into the light, they keep us trapped."  Courage to Change (p. 47)

"We believe people discover their true purpose and identity by knowing God through His Word.  That is why BSF offers free, in-depth Bible studies in community for people of all ages around the world."  Bible Study Fellowship

"Love can only be kept by giving it away."  Merton, T. (1955). No man is an Island

"I ventured out; accepted by some - I retreated within; lonely and sad."   Am I a Poet?

February 15th - Coffee Habits

 The story...

A guy named John introduced me to the coffee habit. We were traveling together on a canoe trip within the boundary waters bordering Canada and Minnesota - I was 40 years old.  It was hard to resist on a cold morning, sitting on a log near the fire - there wasn't much else to drink but water.  The coffee experience was real good from the beginning - kind of like the favorite Ad-Man commercial: "Hey Mikey, he likes it!"  Sure, I knew people, like my dad, who really enjoyed their coffee; yet, I resisted.  How many times did I hear him ask for one more cup of coffee when I wanted to get going?  My new habit surprised me - the smell, the warmth, the familiar taste, the clarity, the alertness, the new social opportunities... 

Yes, I like my daily morning coffee habit - performed the same way most mornings.  Empty the old filter/grounds, drain the dregs, fill the pot, adjust the new filter, open the coffee container, scoop twice, level the coffee, push the button, and wait to hear the sound that lets me know that the percolation's complete.  At the risk of creeping some of you out, I believe we've owned this coffee container for years yet only washed the inside a few time.  For sure, I empty it down to a scoop or two before I fill it back up half way and shake it to amalgamate.  It's a new mix - some old, some new, and sometimes a new brand of coffee.

Yes, this photo might be an appropriate metaphor for the only church in town.  The grounds are a mix of the old, the new, and even an occasional different brand - they're all coffee.  They're secure in the container yet don't stay there.  Power transforms them into a coffee that's shared and enjoyed within community.  Coffee's often there when the town gets together, connects, communicates and maybe actually loves.

Just for today...

How about performing a personal habit inventory?  If you don't know how to add or change habits, consider reading James Clear's book - Atomic Habits.     

"Do justice, love kindness and walk humbly with God in Christ."  Micah 6:8 (NASB)

"Cup's just so; body warming up - Tastes like before; Habits ready to roll."  Am I a Poet?

February 13th - But we don't have to go anymore...

The story...

I moved to Duluth, MN, for one year, on a teaching assignment - yes, I've been a teacher.  UMD welcomed me; the students asked me to join them in the stuff that students like to do; the church pulled me into their family; and I lived in a small apartment.  One morning, the apartment manager asked me where I was going on the past Sunday morning.  I told her that I was walking to church.  She said: "I thought so, I saw you were carrying a bible."  She was perplexed and a bit frustrated - "You're a professor, you don't have family here, and you're free to do whatever you want.  Why would you go to church?  We used to have to do that here; but, not anymore - I'm free to do whatever I want."  I shared how it felt to be pulled into a welcoming church family who invited me into their homes and families.  I even played "broom ball" and fished with some of them - "I feel loved there."  She says: "huh, I might try church again." 

I don't think that the only church in town would spend much time reminiscing about the "good old days" when everybody was expected to go to church and try to behave morally right.  Teach me against my will and I'll be of the same opinion still - and likely continue to behave in ways that are more true to who I truly am deep down inside.  

 

Where the story played

Just for today...

"I tried to get God to listen to me through my prayers.  He did, once I stopped telling Him what to do."  Hope for Today (p.44)

"I didn't like myself because I wasn't living up to what I believed to be true about others."  Courage to Change (p. 44)

"Get yer own way, Yer stuck with you; Love together, We're a powerful force."  Am I a Poet?

February 7th - Bearing and experiencing fruit

The story...

My dad and I had things in common that became apparent before he passed on to the next life.  I inherited some of his physical features, picked up some of his habits, learned some of his life principles; yet, there're some traits that reflect more of our inner man.  For example, we both were compelled to do cross-word puzzles, eat sardines out of the can, and find enjoyment from feeding the birds.  

2023 bird feeding scene

It was the only bird feeder, that I knew of, in our "neck of the woods."  I was surprised that I had a need to show you a picture with the variety of red-headed wood peckers that are often there - vanity?  Yet, this picture reflects more of how the scene normally looked.  I truly care for the birds that congregate there and sense this in my inner-man.  It costs money, time, and space to care for them.  Hawks and owls can grab them, two chickadees were crushed in the squirrel-protection device, fierce weather, and even my neglect to refill the feeders may have caused my bird friends to doubt the provider.  I obviously didn't enjoy or watch them continuously.  Watching birds does seem to increase my personal sense of: love, joy, peace, patience, faithfulness, kindness, gentleness and self-control - fruit.  

I wonder what God experiences when he focuses on the only church in town?   I expect that He loves His creation and receives love from their worship and praise as redeemed creatures.  Are His eyes always on us?

Just for today...

"...I always compared myself to others, particularly my family members, and vowed to be better than them.  I sought the elation of winning and wanted to be praised.  My constant  comparing and competing gradually edged most people out of my life.  Ultimately I was not even good enough for myself, and attitude that led me to harsh self-abuse."  Hope for Today (p. 38) 

"I'm drawn to feed, God's created beings - He feeds me too; As I bend my knee and heart."  Am I a Poet?

January 30th - Stinking Thinking

The story...

About twenty years ago, my assigned Human Resources representative and I were discussing ongoing problems within my work group that she characterized and labeled as "stinking thinking."  Then she said something like: "They need a leader to help them: remember past successes and celebrate new ones, know they're capable; feel valued; serve each other; view problems as opportunities; test new ways often; learn alongside others habitually; respect each other... - then they'll engage and be the best version of themselves together.  As their manager and leader, what's your part in making this happen?"

What did I do differently?  Focused on demonstrating RESPECT for all work group members in word and deed.  Played together more often - a Friday afternoon paint-ball session helped build teamwork.  Learned more about each group member and what/who was important to them.  We solved interpersonal disputes quickly in more sustainable ways - they knew that they'd be working it out in my office, and even bring in H.R. help, if efforts stalled.  There were many positive changes that we made together; yet, much of the change started with me being a better leader and manger.

Yes, there was some stinking thinking going on within me that was strangely reflected within the group's interactions, behaviors, and performance together.  I started with "me" rather than attempting to craft plans to fix the problems that I could identify with "them."  The resulting changes in what we did, and who we were, were worthy of the transformation investment.  I became a better leader, manager, and person as a result of the growing that we worked out together - in community.

The only church in town will easily find fault within each other as they worship, praise, learn, grow, serve and walk side-by-side.  Real change and growth will occur when they internalize the value of the slogan "let the change begin with me."  The gospel will offer the opportunity for each person to be a new creature in Christ - the intended version of you.  Then each person, and the group as a whole, can be free "in deed." (Galatians 5:1).

Just for today...

"I watched, monitored, controlled, and exercised my need to feel hurt. I felt self-pity, embarrassment, superiority, resentment, and anger.  All of these took obsessive turns filling my mind and heart. I wondered why I indulged in these draining behaviors and emotions, which only resulted in further misery for me."  Hope for Today (p. 30)

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come."  1 Corinthians 5:17 (NASB)

"I listened and heard; We did and lived"   Am I a Poet?

January 25th - "Try" to be better or "be" better?

The story...

Trying to: elongate my spine, strengthen my "core," stretch all those muscles, perform new exercises, and adapt to my lumbar-caused pain seems never ending.  Once, I felt like I'd lost my way and needed encouragement from my physical therapist.  She was serious when she told me that she didn't want to hear "I can't" anymore - she wanted to hear "I can."  She directed me to keep a log of what I did, how long I did it, and how much "new" muscle pain or "old" nerve pain I felt.  This cause-and-effect analysis was meant to record how long I was doing my suspected cause of pain and what I did to alleviate it - a clearer look at the reality of my condition and coping methods too.

It's true that my body's getting older and will likely require periodical adaptations in order to move and live as I wish to, or need to, without assistance.  Yet, I don't want my "body" focus to be my primary focus.  I don't plan on giving up yet I'd rather not try so hard.  I hope to develop a physical fitness routine that will sustain me throughout the next 20 years.

Over the last 25 years of my personal and work life, "try" has been and evil word in regards to personal commitments.  I prefer to focus on what you or I commit to actually do.  It seems that the same idea applies here.

The only church in town will focus more on who we are and what we do than our physical condition.  Yes, they will focus on the condition of our souls.  Strangely God doesn't ask us to "try" to be a better person either.  He asks that we receive His provision for our past misdeeds and trust Him to change our inner-person to be more like the ideal that was displayed in the life of His Son.  They call it the process of sanctification that He works out in us as we abide in Him - He does the heavy lifting. 

He's a really good Father.  I'm so... thankful that He did a great work for and within me.  The only church in town will focus on our being who we are in Christ with little emphasis on trying to be something we ain't.

Just for today...

"I found that I was overly interested in others because I had such a low opinion of myself."  Courage to Change (p. 25)

"Bad habits and compulsions cannot be conquered by determined resolutions or promising ourselves that we won't go on doing this or that . . . I  stopped trying to force myself to eliminate my faults when I found it didn't work."  One Day at a Time (p. 25)

"I was raised to be industrious and goal oriented. Today I am discovering what play means."  Hope for Today (p. 25)

January 22nd - My favorite old pants...

The story...

Meet my favorite pants.  They're old, frayed, stained, fit right, sturdy, unlabeled, and drab.  I can do most anything wearing these pants; though, they aren't welcome where people expect me to "dress for the occasion."  I've purchased replacements; but, they didn't seem the same.  I like that old and familiar heavyweight-duck-canvas cotton and the stains and frays too.

Will there come a day when I must get rid of the pants?  We all know the answer although I sometimes pretend otherwise.

I wonder where my old pants will go today?  Will I put them in the Aquatic Center locker to wait while I swim?  Will they participate in replacing the faucet and trying again to fix the Impala's power seats? Will I put a nicer shirt on and wear them to my men's group tonight?  Will I hang them up next to my dress pants - NO!  They don't have to look nice - I like 'em just the way they are.

You may feel a need to dress up, to be a better version of yourself, when you attend the only church in town.  Yet, God is graceful and desires a relationship with you just as you are - humble, honest, okay and unpretentious.  Remember, He is the one Who created you as you are.  He makes no mistakes and has offered the way to atone for your sin defects through our Lord Jesus the Christ's sacrifice.

No, I likely will not actually wear these pants to a Sunday Morning Service.  And, I do enjoy cleaning up and wearing pants with fewer defects when worshipping, praising, learning, and fellowshipping together.  Yet, it sure is great to know that I'm loved by Him - just as I am.

Just for today...

"What we pray for may not be what is best for us. We are only able to see a little way, and our vision is clouded by our present situation and daily happenings and distractions."  One Day at a Time (p. 22)

"I focused on the character defects of those around me. My need to be perfect fed into my preoccupation with others . . . I am still learning to treat myself with gentleness, kindness, and love. I'm still learning that I cannot change those around me, but I can change how I treat them - with dignity and respect."  Hope for Today (p. 22)

"When I found him on the floor, I still didn't help him into bed. But I did put a blanket over him before stepping over his body and going to bed myself. This, to me, was detachment with love."  Courage to Change (p. 22)

January 17th - Working out life from a new tool box...

 The story...

Long ago over dinner in Bethel Maine, a woman from Xerox gave me advice - it stuck.  I've shared this advice with 100's of people and I don't even remember her name.  Everybody seemed to understand the advice and its application too.  I'd recently been promoted from engineer to engineering manager.  She explained the difference between the two tool boxes that I had at my disposal.  The old set that served me well and the new set that I'd need to better "lead" and "manage" the group.  Surely, it was wise to oil, and occasionally apply, the tools in the old box; yet, the new set must be developed and augmented to leverage the group towards...

I tried leading this group long ago - thank you "Murray House" 

Strangely, I sense a need to cleanup and change the tool box that I've been using for the last ten years.  Here are seven tools that I think I need to add or dust off, oil, and use more frequently:  

• "Bigger" Ears:  Listen to others without opinion or thoughts of fixing, managing, or controlling.
• Get Out the Door: Move from thinking about to doing more readily - take that first step.
• Thankfulness:  Within my prayers, activities, & relationships - on both "Light" & "Dark" days.
• Exercise & Stretch:  Enable my body to go where He and I will to go...
• Invest:  Build up others & thoughtfully transfer what I have to 'em too.
• Keep the End in Mind - Be eternally focused and earthly good too.
• Honest in Self Assessment: Remain humble - focused on the glory of God.

The only church needs you to work out your life with 'em.  You need 'em too even though it may currently be a latent need.  Bring your toolbox and be ready to work out your life with 'em.  Once there, you may find the need to add a tool, pick up an old tool, or replace your tool box with a new one that...

Just for today...

"I will make myself learn to use a new set of tools: tolerance, kindness, patience, courtesy, love and humor - and a firm determination to do what is necessary to improve my life."  One Day at a Time (p. 17)

"I often restrain myself for fear that others will misunderstand and criticize me."  Hope for Today (p. 17)

November 19th - Am I a good actor or character in this game of life?

The story...

My career may've chose me - I practiced the habits, and developed the personality, to explain my perspective and win agreement.  My work practices, tools, and change management success carried over into other areas of my life too.  I became more: illustrative; flamboyant in my story telling; better at painting commonly-understood mental images; succinct in posing the right question(s); and consistent in behaving according to my expected behavior.  Sometimes, the desired perspectives were those of the organization that I was part of and not necessarily my own.

The burden of working out my life, wearing different hats, took its toll.  The incongruity between my inner-man and the roles that I accepted was bothersome - dissatisfaction with parts of life.  My life was not characterized as peaceful - more like a never ending quest to model good behavior - be the best that I could be - measure up.  So, I planned the long and arduous process of earning my PhD - "then life would be great."  It was a good life change completed over 10 years and experienced over another 10 years.  I learned and grew much through my studies, research, dialog, enlarged mental models, building onto and protecting my share of the body of knowledge, teaching, and mentoring.  Yet, my inner-man needed something more.

A period of brokenness helped me wake up and see my strife and struggles more clearly - I needed help.  I accepted an offer for help and joined others who were also more-honestly becoming better people.  The lessons learned and applied were wonderful - I truly love(d) all those people that I grew with.  My life became more congruent, peaceful, restful, thankful, engaging, and honest too.

The only church in town will be a place where you'll hear about a better way to be.  You'll, meet those who are growing in a similar way and stage of life.  Over time, a few of those people may even become truly good friends who you can openly and honestly grow with.  Friends like that aren't required to live a good life yet I wouldn't give 'em up without a fight.  True, they must be held loosely or it likely isn't true friendship.  Honestly seeking to understand, before being understood, is a good first step toward developing those good friendships.

Just for today...

Do you want to fix them for your own personal comfort or honestly for them?

If you wouldn't want somebody to say "it" to you then don't say "it" to anyone else.

October 2nd - Does your constitution justify your "just doing it?"

The story...

The USA Supreme Court protects and interprets our constitution.  Who protects my constitution?  I guess it's me.  Should I just do it, think about it, or write in on my to-do list?  Some things must be planned yet some things are acted on as a matter of habit or principle.  Within my constitution, can I, or should I, just do it?  I understand my constitution to be principles, or precedents, for how I manage my life - how I make decisions and act on them in accordance with who I am.  Take a look at my bookmark I crafted and laminated in the 1990s - it speaks to being versus doing.  

This purpose statement is helpful yet it doesn't seem to be a constitution for how I might make daily decisions.   The following are a few ideas about the choices that I expect to make today, on my birthday, and record the principle(s) that seems to actually be driving them.  Might this be a reasonable way to write my constitution as opposed to a lofty set of ideas that I'd like to be true about me?

Make and drink coffee - Live in a supportive and comfortable environment - self-care.

Put on an old blue button-down-collar shirt - Love in storge sort of way - self-care - self-respect.

Bring my momma a donut at her new independent living place - Be kind to family and community.

Enjoy lunch with a best friend - Share and grow with good friends.

Close Exercise ring on my Apple Watch - Work toward goals - self-care.

Write in my blog - Better understand "what's going on" and share too.

Tweak my investment choices - Plan and prepare for the future.

Prepare for 1st BSF group meeting - Learn and grow with other men.

Pray and meditate - Work out my relationship with God in Christ.

Answer birthday wish visits and phone calls - Build kind, growing, and loving relationships.

Greet people on the bike path - Love and receive love.

Afternoon nap - Be kind to me.

Eat meals - Care for me and be happy.

Organize basement - Simplify for me and others too.

The only church in town will likely have a written purpose statement and constitution.  I hope that each member of this "called out group of people" would have their own constitution too and that the two would flow congruently.

Just for today...

"I felt afraid of doing the job incorrectly and being criticized, but I accepted it anyway. My fears were quelled because criticism never came . . . 'I can, I can, I can! And I do.'"  Hope for Today (p. 276)

September 17th - If not now - when?

The story...

I've got no plans for today until about 5:00pm.  Actually, I'm writing my blog at the same time that I normally do, and I'm drinking my coffee made the same way that I normally do.  My newspaper will arrive about the same time that it normally does and my Apple watch will gently remind me that I'll need to stay active to close my stand-move-exercise goals. I'll check my financial investments and likely make at least one change; then, I'll walk around our property picking up limbs and noticing changes.  I'm interim fasting so I expect that I'll greatly enjoy my lunch again today.  I've a to-do list sitting next to my recliner that lists projects that I may choose to work on - I looked at it and now plan to change my health-care plan today which'll take one-to-two hours.  I'll greet my spouse with love when she walks into the main room and we'll enjoy each other's company.  There's time to work out and enjoy my relationships within this day - with God and with others: close friends, neighbors, acquaintances, and people I've never met before.

What, within my power, might I change now that'd have the greatest impact on both me and others?  For me it'd be more fully resting within my relationship with God in Christ - freely meeting with God today in prayer - centering in on fundamental truths.  Honestly assessing myself with my heart praising the glory of God.  Living hopefully with all peace and joy (Romans 15:13).

The only church in town will be a place where all people, in almost every stage of life, will be welcome.  There'll be customs, rules, habits and expectations that'll be agreed to; yet, they'll not be a burden - they'll provide a good environment and point them towards the good life safe in Christ.

Just for today...

"I had to find a positive behavior to replace the fretting. Today if I catch myself worrying, I write down my specific fears, no matter how preposterous they may seem. Once I get them out of my mind and fix them on paper, I ask God to show me which ones are real and which are imagined."  Hope for Today (p. 261)

"I do have a power, a God-given one, and that is power over my own mind, emotions and reactions. If I exercise that power wisely, the problems outside of me will work out without my interference."  One Day at a Time (p. 261)

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now - when?"   Rabbi Hillel (Pirkei Avot 1:14)

"Pirkei Avot, which translates to English as Chapters of the Fathers, is a compilation of the ethical teachings and maxims from Rabbinic Jewish tradition. It is part of didactic Jewish ethical literature. Because of its contents, the name is sometimes given as Ethics of the Fathers." Wikipedia

September 2nd - Engage in community already - growing together is real good.

The story...

We rode our bicycles to Grand Haven and participated in the Coast Guard parade.  We seemed to fit in with our bike clothes as we squeezed along the parade route.  There were so... many people who seemed to have planned to feel and do good that day.  You could see and feel expectations of happiness with their decorations, sandwiches, red-white-blue clothes, and generally happy, gabby and cheering natures - throngs of like-minded people.  They were excited by the bands, small-floats, old-guys on small Cushman scooters, small lollipops, clowns, Coast Guard helicopters roaring overhead, and being together.  A woman threw me a stack of t-shirts that I passed out and wore - I felt engaged within the community.  I'm reexperiencing some of the joy and happiness as I recall the event.  Thank you Grand Haven - ya done real good!

I expected good and received that good along with the unexpected too.  I might've worried about how I'd be accepted by the group - possibly marginalized, or reexperiencing prior feelings of rejection.  The 44-mile bike ride had it's associated risks yet we accepted them.  What if the people I went with didn't want to do or go according to my will?  No, I was fully engaged in the "now," within community, and my self-focused will was virtually locked up - chained and left with the bikes next to that big tree.

Why not let down your guard and risk being kinder and engage in life already?  We might accept the risk of being amongst people with whom we might interact, learn, grow and experience the giving and receiving of love - together.  As for me and my house, the only church in town is the place where the good stuff of life's available 52 weeks per year.

Just for today...

"If I am expectant of good, it will surely come to me. Even the grace of courtesy gives rich immediate rewards in response . . . Concern, love and kindness on my part will be reflected in everything that takes place in my life." One Day at a Time (p. 246)

We all have a sort of reaction tolerance band.  Hyper reactions occur when I overreact and Hypo reactions occurs when I underreact.  Might widening that tolerance band minimize unhealthy reactions, to whatever the trigger, for the benefit of us all?