June 13th - Love 'em Just the Way They Are or Control 'em?

The story...

As a boy, I learned to conform to the norms of the family, friends, classroom and church.  When I was rejected by the teacher, peer groups, family members, or "that girl;" then I'd adapt, roll with the punches, and even craft my own role to "act" out.  As an adolescent, I often rebelled against the system.

I played the cornet in the band throughout middle school and high school.  This was the group that I best identified with.  However, I "pushed back" against the control that was exercised by the band director.  I refused to participate in any performance challenges during my Junior year.  I merely picked up my horn case and moved down to the lower seat.  I witnessed this behavior from the best trumpet player - I joined him and carried it on.  The director solved the problem by putting us in a trumpet section - we actually played more of the melody together.  

Controlling to the Extreme

The band director asked that I record my practice hours on a card during my senior year.  He let me know that it was for my benefit and did not require a parent signature.  I took it home and entered two weeks of zeros.  I asked my mom and dad to both sign the practice card - they did.  The band director looked at the signed practice sheet and said: "It appears that this isn't going to work with you."

I worked as a drug-store delivery boy and was assigned to work a Friday evening that required I miss the football game.  The director wouldn't accept my excuse and told me that he better see me in the band formation prior to the game.  I went to work anyway and drove the delivery car through the band formation while waving at the director.  I earned a "D" in band my senior year.

During my Senior year of college I brought two of my friends to my home town and actually took them on a tour of my High School.  The band director saw me as I was making moves to avoid him.  I was shocked at how respectfully he treated me and my friends.  I'm so thankful for that man and how he worked to shape that rebellious spirit in me. He wasn't the last person to reach out with help.

The people in the only church in town will be wonderfully created to be their best as a group.  Strangely, people are drawn to adapt their behavior, or role play, in order to fit the group's expectations of who they "should" be.  Hopefully, the only church in town would love 'em as they are and offer them a path to grow their faith in their own way and at their own pace.  I'm so thankful that the Patriarchs of the bible were often rebels who God loved and redeemed.

Just for today...

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image.  Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them."  Thomas Merton:  No Man is an Island.

"That's not right; I can see - My way's better; They need me."
"Show'em how; Tell'em again - Prickly I am; Feel that sin."    Am I a Poet? 

June 10th - My mentor is gone...

 The story...

Dr. Charles Stanley died on April 19th, 2023 at 90 years of age.  I loved my own father yet Charles Stanley served me as a sort of spiritual father for more than 40 years.  I was crushed when a best friend shared the news with me - I grieved for about three hours.  The sense of loss lingered - I no longer had my mentor.  Surely I had other mentors but they're gone too.  I've strong friendships but they're not mentors.  Maybe my mentors needed to go away for me to more fully trust in God - to work out the life of faith that I've been gifted with - to be a mentor.

I'm so... thankful that his ministry continues on YouTube.  Strangely, his radio channel, and selected messages, continue to be meaningful to me.  Maybe it's because I imagine him being with, and in, Christ at the right hand of God.  That's my aim too.

The only church in town will minister to people in each season of life.  Loving, learning, worshipping, praying, restoring, suffering, remembering, experiencing, praising, serving, mentoring, and saying goodbyes too.  Hopefully, no person will be left behind.

Just for today...

"I didn't get many of the things that I needed to thrive emotionally and spiritually.  Things like consistency, structure, encouragement, and acceptance of my feelings were missing . . . Caring for myself first is part of caring for others."  Hope for Today (p. 162)

"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours."  Richard Bach

"Want the same; Solid and normal - Changing fast; Hold me mom."
"They're better; Made mistakes - Growing strangely; Guide me dad."     Am I a Poet?

June 2nd - Feelings of Unfairness "Morphed" into Thankfulness?

The story...

I'm sitting at my table trying to think of an example of when I was treated unfairly.  I can think of many without one good example.  Maybe it's because thankfulness has pushed out the space where I stored resentments?  I hope so.

I'm so thankful today.  Pain and suffering are sure to come yet my hopes for the future are positive.  I look forward to continual growth and am thankful for life.  Yes, I'm thankful for that last full breath of air as it entered my lungs as cool air and left as a warm exhale.

The bread of life...

The people within the only church in town would be thankful and generally okay - The grace of God witnessed in action through people with skin on them.  They'd be more capable of loving God, themselves, and other people too.  Unfairness would meet up with grace - grace would win.

Just for today...

"No amount of self-discipline can heal us from resentment.  Sometimes it seems the more we struggle against it, the more it sneaks up on us, surging like a dark sickness into the mind, plunging our emotions into turmoil."  One Day at a Time (p. 154)

"Ignore me; Push away - Away from 'em; Nothing to say."   Am I a Poet?

May 30th - Does it Seem Wrong to Be Kind to Yourself?

The story...

Are there good guys and bad guys in life?  Or, are we all under the curse of sin and death - bad guys?

I recently met a really good person who remembers only a few times when she rebelled against authority and acted out badly.  She seems compliant and appears to genuinely care for and love other people.  I've met other people who seem rebellious by nature and challenge most direction and attempts to control them - started as a baby and never stopped.  Personally, I tend to fall on the rebellious side of the continuum. 

On May 7, 1931, the most sensational manhunt New York City had ever known had come to its climax.

After weeks of search, "Two Gun" Crowley - the killer, the gunman who didn't smoke or drink - was at bay, trapped in his sweetheart's apartment on West End Avenue. One hundred and fifty policemen and detectives laid siege to his top floor hideaway. They chopped holes in the roof; they tried to smoke out Crowley, the "cop killer," with teargas. Then they mounted their machine guns on surrounding buildings, and for more than an hour one of New York's fine residential areas reverberated with the crack of pistol fire and the rut-tat-tat of machine guns. Crowley, crouching behind an over-stuffed chair, fired incessantly at the police. Ten thousand excited people watched the battle. Nothing like it ever been seen before on the sidewalks of New York.

When Crowley was captured, Police Commissioner E. P. Mulrooney declared that the two-gun desperado was one of the most dangerous criminals ever encountered in the history of New York.

"He will kill," said the Commissioner, "at the drop of a feather." But how did "Two Gun" Crowley regard himself? We know, because while the police were firing into his apartment, he wrote a letter addressed "To whom it may concern, " And, as he wrote, the blood flowing from his wounds left a crimson trail on the paper. In this letter Crowley said: "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one - one that would do nobody any harm."

A short time before this, Crowley had been having a necking party with his girl friend on a country road out on Long Island. Suddenly a policeman walked up to the car and said: "Let me see your license." Without saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cut the policeman down with a shower of lead. As the dying officer fell, Crowley leaped out of the car, grabbed the officer's revolver, and fired another bullet into the prostrate body. And that was the killer who said: "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one - one that would do nobody any harm. '

 How to Win Friends And Influence People, Dale Carnegie

Scripture says that all men and women are unholy and separated from our Holy Creator by our selfish nature, our iniquity, and the sin that oozes out.   We'd all remain separate from God, during this life and throughout eternity, unless God redeemed and reconciled us.  Humans can enter their most important relationship with Him solely based on being identified with Christ and the atoning work He performed through His shed blood and resurrection.  He did the heavy lifting and died for our sin - He paid our debt.  Yes, we can be holy in the site of God in Christ.

Should I beat myself up for not being consistently good?  No.  I can walk each day loving God and my neighbor as myself based on the great work that God's done on my behalf and His presence in my life.  Wow, I can truly rest in the goodness of God.  I can be kind to myself just as I am - praise God.

How would the only church in town accept a rebellious man within their congregation?  I expect that they'd start with acknowledging that they're all somewhere on the rebellion-compliance continuum and that they all need the gift of God's grace daily.

Just for today...

"If I am hard on myself, I can stop and remember that I deserve gentleness and understanding from myself.  Being human is not a character defect!  Today I will be gentle with my humanness."  Courage to Change (p. 151)

"I gotta itch; Wanna give in. - He offers peace; Fruit-less sin."
"Kindness is best; Comfortable with me - He's the power; Prayerfyly see."   Am I a Poet?

May 20th - The Marriage Contract

The story...

I'm so thankful for my life partner - she said yes 💖.  The marriage contract is a wonderful thing - to love each other, just as we are and will be, till death do we part.  She teaches me to love a bit more each day - I'm so thankful for her...

A marriage contract might work out otherwise.  Meat Loaf sang a wonderful duet "Paradise By The Dashboard Lights."  The protagonist is obsessively thinking and lusting over the girl.  She agrees with the caveat: "yes or no? . . . I gotta know right now . . . Will you make me happy the rest of my life? . . . Will you love me forever?"  He swears on his mother's grave that he'll love her till the end of time - he signs the contract.  Then he prays for the end of time so he can end his time with her.  He'll never break his promise or end his vow.

His relationship didn't seem sustainable.  Love's veiled promise unfulfilled.  Yet, he doesn't break his promise - he suffers along.  What'll he find when he enters the doors of the only church in town?  Justification for divorce, new ways for coping, a diversion, or a new method for changing her?

Within the only church in town, he'd learn about the potential death of his old nature - co-crucified and risen with the Son of God.  He can be free from the tyrannical rule of self -  a new man by the Power of God - yet the contract remains.  Rather than trying to convince her to change, she witnesses the power of God's transformation and may allow God to perform a great work within her heart too.  God does the heavy lifting - there's nothing we can do but trust Him and watch Him work - wow...

Wouldn't that be a great ending stanza to that song?  I don't think so - the song's too good the way it is.  Do you have a favorite song of transformation?  

Just for today...

"Before obsessive thinking takes hold, there is usually a point at which I have to make a choice.  I can opt to mentally toy with a subject that has held my mind hostage in the past or..."  Courage to Change (p. 121)

"Serenity is not abut the end of pain.  It's about my ability to flourish peacefully no matter what life brings my way."  Hope for Today (p. 141)

Lust, forgetful of future suffering, hurries us along the forbidden path."  Claudius Claudianus

"Momma loved me; Flawed but true - Soulmate wanted; Had no clue."
"Disillusion-ally sad; Drew within - God took me; Redeemed my sin."    Am I a Poet?

May 2nd - Do it Myself Curse

The story...

My dad grew up as the oldest of eight kids during the depression.  Their family didn't have much - they cared for each other.  Once he described, with a tear in his eye, what it was like for the last of the salted pork to be used up in late winter - "who wants to ask their neighbors for food?"  I remember him quoting his mother: "don't buy what you don't need, you might lose it someday."

I admired my dad's resourcefulness - he could do it himself.  So, my brother and I also did it ourselves - the principle was passed on even though we don't need to worry about running out of food this winter.  

Working out the "do it yourself" principle can seem like a curse when: you spend more money; your repair's less reliable; you lose valuable time; you don't allow others to help you; you fret over how you'll fix it without help; or you're overburdened with tools, materials, and spare parts.

"I might need that someday."

I'd rather be more self aware and realistic when: making purchase decisions; deciding when to ask for help; trusting others to do it for me, and assessing my true capabilities.  I want to be available to both give and receive help and love with others.  And, I want to focus my inner man on walking humbly with God in Christ in a more unencumbered way.   

The only church in town would invest their resources and time to both give and receive help and love among others.  In community, they'd walk humbly with God, in Christ, in an increasingly unencumbered way. 

Just for today...

"When I become willing to let go of the need to do it by myself, I can listen to others and receive direction from God."  Courage to Change (p. 123)

"Denial can be a shock absorber for the spirit. I can respect and be grateful for that survival mechanism, but I'll not hang onto it longer than necessary"  Hope for Today (p. 123)

"That side's His; This side's mine - Both are eternal; Fence is fine."
"His's about Him; Mine's about you - You know you; Why trust Him?"
"Why choose now; Enjoy yourself - Take care of you; You're mine."    Am I a Poet?

April 25th - 3rd Eye

The story...

A human resources guy's teaching me to be a better facilitator:  "If you're only looking through your own eyes then you're going to get a limited picture of what's really going on.  What would your third eye see from the top corner of the room?"  

What's really going on in the room?  We know it's impossible to truly know what's going on inside other people; yet, we can receive "tail tell" signs.  What would my third eye see?  The body language, nervous laughter, awkward silence, unexpected comments, beginnings of thoughts not fully expressed, inner-personal conflicts working their way out...  Efforts to redirect my eyes from my vantage to others helped me become a better facilitator.   

These awareness skills and habits take time to develop and maintain.  They get rusty and need the oil can.  Dorothy opens her eyes to her surroundings and discovers a person who she hadn't really noticed before - she finds out that he has "heart" issues.

People would be noticed, valued, and listened to within the only church in town.  People with a loving nature would reach out to better understand the heart issues of others - the things that really matter.  They'd love their neighbor as themselves.  They'd aspire to love others as Christ loved - the Spirit of God indwells those who are His.

Just for today...

"I am introspective when I turn my spiritual energy inward to observe my actions, character, motives, and reactions.  The ensuing awareness helps me see behavior patterns that hold me back from being the person I want to be."  Hope for Today (p. 116)

"I saw that; You meant this - We feel apart; Life lost."   Am I a Poet?

April 24th - Judged and Rejected

The story...

In the early 1990s, a friend of mine shared an experiment that he tried - he was shocked at the results.  He was a big burly sort of guy who sang in his church choir.  He wore a magnetically attached earring on his left ear lobe one Sunday.  The group overtly exhibited strong negative behaviors and feelings directed towards him.  He was rejected by the group without any words being shared.  I was fascinated by the story; so, I naively decided to give it a try myself.

I set up the scenario by bemoaning that I needed a change in my life for a few days.  Then I went to the mall with my young son and bought the magnetic earring.  I couldn't lie to my son so he was in on it.  When I walked through the door, the one who loves me most was shocked, doubted the reality, shocked again, doubted the reality again, and then finally, yet reluctantly, accepted the new change.  They were bruised when they realized it was fake and that I'd put them through the emotional anguish.

It was a different story with my siblings and parents.  I later regretted "trying" the same experiment on them.  My mother accepted it right away yet expressed worry about how other family members would react.  My brother curled up in a ball on the couch and rocked back and forth in disbelief.  I don't remember how my sisters reacted yet I think that they decided to wait it out.  My dad fully rejected me and indirectly shared a story about what happened to people like that in the Navy.  I was judged differently by different people.  Would I try an experiment like this again?  No, it wasn't fair to me or for them.  I'd rather read about somebody else's experiment - it hurt all of us.

I'm hoping that the only church in town would welcome the whole community.  Oh, if those who were invited to enter the doors could feel the love of God expressed through those who are His...

Just for today...

"I must guard against judging others by my standards.  It means examining and improving those standards and living up to them myself."  One Day at a Time (p. 115)

"That'll shock'em; Let's roll - Weathered hearts; We suffer."   Am I a Poet?

April 17th - Try Giving Up Trying

The story...

Dale Carnegie wrote the book "How to Win Friends & Influence People."  I'm not a big fan of self-help books but this one's a gem.  Self-help books often teach ways that people are asked to "try" to be better - ways they aren't capable of following due to inherent personal flaws.  For me, "do" is a much better word than "try" - "try" suggests that failure's a likely outcome.

I've read, and listened to, Carnegie's book about ten times. It's crazy good and helpful.  I've found myself thinking on and "doing" his suggestions throughout my life with good result.

One of my favorite characters in the book is Teddy Roosevelt.  He knew each of the White House servants by name. The night before a person visited the White House would find him reading about what was most interesting to the visitor.  If the boy was interested in sailboats then he read about sailboats.  Those people loved him back and Teddy grew and grew to become...  

The only church in town would be characterized by love.  A growing love within the umbrella of the Spirit of Christ.  Congregates, within this Body of Christ, would increasingly listen and love as they "do" or work out the reality of their lives as individuals and together within community - actually interested in, listening to, and caring for each other..

Just for today...

"My best efforts to be noticed, listened to, appreciated, and loved were failing . . . As I focused my actions on a loving principle, my character defect of craving attention from people, who couldn't give it, was removed."  Hope for Today (p. 108)

"If the group's plans seem designed to benefit the greatest number of people, I can usually support them.  I don't mean that I ignore my own needs and feelings - I express them.  But others have needs too, and I must respect them."  Courage for Today (p. 108)

"React fast; Return fire - Don't like it; Run away."
"Feel bad; Try again - Same result; Give up."|
"Loved by Him; Love me too - Love you guys; No longer blue."   Am I a Poet?

April 16th - Love Yourself Already- "It's the power of ..."

The story...

It was later in life when I first heard a respected person say that I needed to love myself before I could fully love others.  Similar messages were likely dispatched to me before; but, I clearly didn't receive them.  I know I heard the second greatest commandment: "... love your neighbor as yourself."  This is a core tenant of Judeo-Christianity; so, why was this so hard to first comprehend?

I knew that loving others was a virtue but loving "me" sounded like a selfish-proud man's bane.  And, I knew that I was flawed in ways that we surely want to keep to ourselves if we expect to be accepted by others.

Yes, I accepted that I'm fully loved by God and can love me too.  Quiet meditation after my "normal" prayers, with my thinker in the back seat, is a time where actually being loved can be realized.

People will find true freedom within the only church in town.  They'll grow to love themselves and their neighbors too.  Scripture says we're made in the image of God and that God loves us so much that His Son redeems the full sin burden for those who are His.   With our sins covered by the blood of Christ, we're empowered to walk humbly and vicariously with God - loved.  Might that be part of the today's good life and a glimpse of what it might be like into eternity?

I ain't never going back to that old, commiserating, crappy, selfish life where people wallow in their sin, polish their medals, compare themselves to others, and "try" to please those who couldn't care less.  I will to keep my eyes less on me and more on others.  I want to be in tune with what's really going on - experience being loved and loving too.

Just for today...

"I always expected my happiness to come through others, especially my . . .  parents.  I spent most of my life waiting for them to show their love and approval in a way that I could understand.  They didn't, and I felt deprived and unlovable as a result. . . The only person wo can love me the way I want to be loved is me."   Courage to Change (p. 107)

"I gots itches; Rough and smooth - Don't gotta change; I'm loved."    Am I a Poet?

April 11th - Deference

The story...

I heard a speaker make the claim that being a servant means doing everything your master says - to voluntarily choose to serve another.  They suggested that this is part of what it means to be a servant leader.  Hmm...

One day, I tested this idea by accepting and enjoying all of the plans that a friend had for Saturday evening.  They chose where, when, and what we did.  It felt good not even considering the interjection of my opinion on anything we did or discussed.  The experiment set a different "tone" for the relationship - everyone seemed to be enjoying this new "way."  I think that the best word for describing my change in attitude would be deference - humble submission and respect.  It felt real good and right.

How do people expect the only church in town to be different from other community gatherings?  They will likely know the story of our Lord Jesus the Christ washing His disciples feet.  "So if I, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet." (NASB, John 13:14) 

(Tintoretto, 1548)

Loving our neighbor as ourselves does seem to be a wonderful, yet gifted, quality of the good life - an essential ingredient for us and our community too.  For God so loved the world that he gave His...

Just for today...

"I retain the right to have problems, to cry, to make mistakes, to not know all the answers. . . I don't have to be in charge."  Courage to Change (p. 102)

"Hearing ears; Eyes seeing - Opened heart; Love abounds."   Am I a Poet?

April 9th: Embarrassed and Guarded

The story...

We were enjoying a vacation in the Florida Keys - seated at a table about twenty feet in front of the mic.  It's a comedy club and the "comedian" was taking "stinging" jabs at targeted people in the crowd.  I leaned over to my best friend and said "I can't believe that I'm a fully-capable adult yet I don't feel safe enough to get up from this chair and walk to that men's room."  What did I fear?   This was far away from home and I'd likely never see any of these people again.  The guy was clearly acting out his role as the comedian.  What messages did I fear he might send?  

The vacation scene

I must have a long list of personal messages that I don't want to hear.  And, I suppose there're many more "funny" critiques that might embarrass me.  Yet, the degree that I might be embarrassed seems to negatively correlate with the degree that I fell okay about myself - my condition.  For me, my condition is best when I am bearing fruit, e.g.: actually being kind, consistently praying/meditating, and walking humbly/honestly with God in Christ.   However, even in my best condition, as a fellow human, I can be hurt by others.  Some of my sharpest stings are self critiques.  Therefore, I find myself relying on my old armor for protection - that guardedness that keeps us more distant, yet protected, from others. 

How might the only church in town be more of a "No Armor Needed" zone?  I've witnessed armor-free zones within community; so, I hope that most people would find small groups where they feel more accepted and loved just as they are.  The full-church community will be significantly safer than my comedy club experience; yet regretfully, I expect that people will still need some type of armor just to get along - we're all works in progress.

Just for today...

"I take into account how affected I am by my past when I meet people who seem difficult, and I try to give them a break." Hope for Today (p. 100)

"The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them."  Courage to Change (p. 100)

"Painful experiences come from the thorns that wound us; they make us forget they also have roses." One Day at a Time (p. 100)

"They're the same; I'm different - That's why; I'm alone."
"Safely alone; Wilting away - Rightly positioned; Mostly wrong."
"He's great; I'm not - I'm in Him; We're powerful."    Am I a Poet?

March 24th - That Snowball - Old Scars

The story...

In my late twenties, I was asked to serve as a middle-school youth leader.  It was initially uncomfortable as you might expect.  Yet, playing, laughing, teaching key truths in story, attending a youth-leader seminar, leading songs with guitar, traveling together, sharing life actualities, suffering together, encouraging, praising, and seeing growth, were all real good.  Then an event happened that triggered emotions that must've been buried deep down inside me.

The situation: it's winter, there's snow outside, and we'd just finished our youth group events for the night.  The kids are running and playing inside.  One boy steps outside, makes a snowball, and throws it at a friend whose running away inside the church.  Frustrated, I was left to scoop up the snow.  At the same time, I look up and see an Elder walk out of a bible-study room.  He stops and stares at both me and the snowball splat - he wore a look of disgust.

Why does this scene trigger emotions from me even now as I recall it.  This happened more than 35 years ago!  Thank goodness I didn't react quickly to that leering look.  I finished cleaning up the mess and stored my pent-up emotions.  The Elder was a good man and I still think of him with respect.  So, was my primary cause frustration, authority figures, the youth leader role, lack of respect shown to me as the leader, unwanted discipline I received long ago, my questioning the worthiness of my service, or simply being rejected by the group?  I don't know the cause.  It may've been all or some combination; yet, it seems that an emotional wound was exposed in this critical event.  I likely still have a small scar.

The only church in town is going to be filled with wounded people who cover up their scars.  Comfort and hope is available as they learn to love and receive love.  This story highlights the need to work out the greatest and second greatest commandments - love the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind.  And, love your neighbor as yourself.  Yes, that means loving yourself too - redeemed in Christ.

Just for today...

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers." One Day at a Time (p. 84)

"I searched my past to see how this character defect had helped me to survive the pain and chaos of growing up in . . . Listing the benefits of the defect made it easier to see why it had become such a big part of me.  It also helped me see how the flaw was just a positive attribute run amok."  Hope for Today (p. 84)

"Dad's okay; I'm not - I'll get better; Still not."   Am I a Poet?

March 3rd - Lovingkindness

The story...

Listening to Simply Red's song, "Holding back the years," seems to emote feelings that abide deep down inside me.  Those welled-up, brain-triggered, emotions remind me that I'm wonderfully human - a "seeker."  A unique creature who's loved by our Creator in Christ; yet, made out of wile stuff.  I'm a better man when growing with like friends who're journeying through this epic life story with me.  

We all know that the years can't really be held back.  The "saying" that "change" is the only constant in life probably isn't a fundamental axiom - it hasn't changed.  Change is worthy of considering as it can help us hold people and things more loosely and focus more on the essentials of life.  As we change, what are we growing toward?  

How does this relate to the only church in town?  I expect that the church will work best when people are allowed to be less guarded and more fully okay with who they actually are.  Maybe, they won't feel the need to fit in with the group by putting on one of those acceptable masks that might be ready and stacked up next to the front door.  It'd be a place where you could be the best version of yourself that's both kind and open to kindness - lovingkindness.

Just for today...

"To me, maturity includes:  

• Accepting love from others, even if I'm having a tough time loving myself . . . 
• Having an opinion without insisting that others share it . . . 
• Forgiving myself and others . . . 
• Caring for people without having to take care of them . . . 
• Accepting that I'll never be finished - I'll always be a work-in-progress."  

Courage to Change (p. 63)

"My creator and I; Emote differently - Hormones make me; More like He."  Am I a Poet?

February 21st - Friendship

The story...

I didn't choose to be a Jim Carrey fan - maybe I just am one by nature.  "When Nature Calls" is Jim's movie that I'm reminded of most often.   The scene where he learns to communicate with the Chief and his son makes me laugh every time I think of it.  I don't expect that they'd likely end up as close friends; yet, the movie reminds me of the awkward moments that may be the beginnings of friendship.  I assume that Jim Carrey fans can be friends with non-Jim Carrey fans; yet, it's more likely that close friends share much in common.

For me, close friendships have been illusive and I greatly value those that I have.  C.S. Lewis, in his book The Four Loves, wrote a great summary of what friendship is and he valued the few close friends he had.  Pursuing a relationship for our own sake is bound to fail.  Relationship success seems more likely when we will what's good for the other person, share much in common, and walk side-by-side together in an honest sort of way.

J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis

Chapter one of Thomas Merton's book "No man is an Island" offers further understanding of the qualities of a good-friend relationships and our role within them.  Since these relationships are important, yet unnecessary, it seems that we should value those we have and be alert to close friendship opportunities.

Within the only church in town, I hope that every person would have at least one close friend.  Jesus, in his humanity, is documented as having at least three close friends - one being His closest.  I've often heard that people are most happy and engaged in the workplace when they have a best friend.  Might the same be true within the only church in town?

Just for today...

"May God preserve me from the love of a friend who will never dare to rebuke me.  May He preserve me from the friend who seeks to do nothing but change and correct me."  No Man is an Island - Merton (p. 10)

"I understand him; He gets me - We climb together; Eyes locked on the prize."  Am I a Poet?

February 13th - But we don't have to go anymore...

The story...

I moved to Duluth, MN, for one year, on a teaching assignment - yes, I've been a teacher.  UMD welcomed me; the students asked me to join them in the stuff that students like to do; the church pulled me into their family; and I lived in a small apartment.  One morning, the apartment manager asked me where I was going on the past Sunday morning.  I told her that I was walking to church.  She said: "I thought so, I saw you were carrying a bible."  She was perplexed and a bit frustrated - "You're a professor, you don't have family here, and you're free to do whatever you want.  Why would you go to church?  We used to have to do that here; but, not anymore - I'm free to do whatever I want."  I shared how it felt to be pulled into a welcoming church family who invited me into their homes and families.  I even played "broom ball" and fished with some of them - "I feel loved there."  She says: "huh, I might try church again." 

I don't think that the only church in town would spend much time reminiscing about the "good old days" when everybody was expected to go to church and try to behave morally right.  Teach me against my will and I'll be of the same opinion still - and likely continue to behave in ways that are more true to who I truly am deep down inside.  

 

Where the story played

Just for today...

"I tried to get God to listen to me through my prayers.  He did, once I stopped telling Him what to do."  Hope for Today (p.44)

"I didn't like myself because I wasn't living up to what I believed to be true about others."  Courage to Change (p. 44)

"Get yer own way, Yer stuck with you; Love together, We're a powerful force."  Am I a Poet?

February 12th - My way or His way?

The story...

"What if there was a place you could go, where there was no TV and you could break bread - anyone who you are sitting with was family."  Peggy Olson - Mad Men (S7:E6)  People like Don Draper and Peggy Olson are looking for love - to belong.  They're acting out their role, trying to scratch that constant itch - they know something's wrong; but, they hide it deep down inside.  They yearn for that person who might truly know them while remaining guarded and habitually attempting to sooth that unrelenting itch...  Maybe if we found that one right person . . . then we could work out "happy ever after" like Bud and Sissy: "Looking for love in all the wrong places ..."

Do you want to do it your way or His way?  Why do I do what I don't want to do?  The only church in town has answers.  Yet, scripture says it takes a mighty work from the Spirit of Christ to change a man's heart - his inner man.  Can you believe that God's gospel truth can be found in that one short creed that Christian representatives agreed to in 325AD?  That creed is surprisingly awesome.

Just for today...

"Detachment allows us to let go of our obsession with another's behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves."  Courage to Change (p. 43)

"I wanna be true, to the man inside;  Wanna be better, I choose different."  Am I a Poet?

February 8th - What's Love 💖 Got to Do with It?

The story...

Many people are uncomfortable with the message "I love you."  There's a lot "packed" into the word "love" and it can obviously be misunderstood.  What do they mean and how does the love message receiver respond?  Ideally, would we be able to say "I love you" to most of the people attending the only church in town?  What does that kind of love look and feel like?  What's the source?  Is it something you feel, a measure of the quality of the relationship, or an experienced gift of God?  Is it a verb (something that you do) or a noun (something that you can fall in and out of)?

Before I was born, C.S. Lewis wrote the book The Four Loves and presented it on a radio broadcast in 1958.  I've listened to this broadcast on my CD's many times.  He provided four helpful definitions of love, from four Greek words, used to describe that one English word - LOVE.   Four types of love in a nutshell: Storge is a normal kind of affection or familiarity that's missed when it's not present; Philia is like friendship; Eros is the romantic type of love reserved for the "couples" who are absorbed in each other; Agape is the unconditional type of love similar to the love God offers us through His Son.  

Courtesy of Dunkin' Donuts

Will we truly find "agape" love within the only church in town?  It requires vulnerability with the ever present risk of being hurt, rejected, or even wounded with a broken heart. Yes, the only church in town would be characterized as one where the members were free to express agape love.

Just for today...

"In the past I focused on anyone but myself . . . trying to control the disorder, discomfort, and lack of safety and security of my own childhood."  Hope for Today (p. 39).

"It is unrealistic to expect everyone to like me."  Courage to Change (p. 39)

"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind."  "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."  Matthew 22:37 (NASB)

"I risked love, my heart broke - He picked it up, formed Us anew."  Am I a Poet?

February 3rd - Living in the Present

 The story...

My peers were taller and seemed more coordinated.  I imagined and hoped for what I might look like when I grew up - then I'd fit in and be more loved and respected.  Tall, strong, riding a thundering-black motorcycle, playing the trumpet better than anyone else, and experiencing true love while being fully accepted by "her."

How might the one church in town have taught me to accept and love myself as I was - in the present?  Might they have helped me to discover who I was in realty - more independent and secure - rightly related and interdependent with others. 

Life clearly only occurs in the present; yet, I've spent too much time dreaming of the future and trying to make sense of the past.  How could the spiritual leaders and church community have facilitated my being pulled more into the present and God's revealed Word?  Were they able to share the actualities of their reality?   Is it possible that they tried but I couldn't hear?  Was my selfish nature so guarded and cemented that I was unable to grow until I experienced "X" years of life?

Just for today...

How do we accept our physical appearance?  If you love yourself as God loves you in Christ then you're free to accept yourself and others too - just the way you are. 🤔 Sounds a bit like Jane Eyre?

"I pray for the wisdom to understand my difficulties clearly and honestly, and for the strength to do something constructive about them.  I know that I can count on God's help in this."  One Day at a Time (p. 34)

"Idling time away; Imagining how it may've been - Left a depression; a day missed."  Am I a Poet?

February 2nd - Hoping for Love

The story ...

I walked up to the door of my seventh-grade Sunday-school room.  The girl that I secretly loved was with a friend.  The friend asked me to show them my fingernails.  I paused before extending my open hand and fingers with my palm facing the linoleum floor.  They both broke out laughing - "you're like a girl!  Guys show their nails as a fist with palm up."  I was secretly crushed, likely tried to pretend I wasn't affected, yet my emotions must have betrayed my internal reality.  My secret search for love was publicly dashed.  I added a few plates to my personal armor to guard against that from happening again.  Oh... the pain of rejection - my wounded heart!

The church where the scene played out

How might the one church in town have helped?  My Sunday school teacher might have noticed a change in behavior.  Someone might have realized that I had no good friends at church.  As some aptly describe, I felt like I was alone on an island yet surrounded by people.  My parents forced me to go to some of the youth meetings - I didn't engage.  I became cynical and critical about the group that rejected me.  

In High School, I found a job that allowed me to miss every other Sunday service.  I tried to bring order and meaning into my life without God's help.  Was a right relationship with God and friends possible?

Thoughts for the day ...

"So I continued to hide and did not accept who I really was."  Hope for Today (p. 33)

"Today, being humble means climbing down from the ladder of judgement of myself and others, and taking my rightful place in a worldwide circle of love and support . . . My thoughts are my teachers.  Are they teaching me to love and appreciate others, or are they teaching me to practice isolation?"  Courage to Change (p. 33)

"Looked for love; in a loving sort of place -  hurt, guilt and shame; led me astray."  Am I a Poet?