July 1st - Let 'em Be Free

The story...

My rebellious spirit resisted efforts to fix, manage, or control me.  Had I been more compliant, I likely would've received better grades, learned to play a cornet better, better understood what others were into, and been a part of more groups too.  I do greatly appreciate the groups and relationships that I've been a part of; yet, I seemed driven towards freedom from group think and domineering controlling types.  Sadly, this meant that I had to find ways to deal with the rejection that goes along with a rebellious spirit.

The jobs that I chose, and flourished in, allowed me to exercise my independence and drive change in the processes that mostly converted inputs into outputs.  Rebel against the status quo and change things to make them better.  The jobs involved imagination, risk, reward, influence, and an internal need to succeed - I was naturally good at this type of work and change characterized my career.  When things became too predictable, I moved on towards the next thing.

Was I born to walk this road or was I a product of my environment?  Nobody knows the answer.  I do believe that we all need every person to work out their unique abilities, skills and talents for the benefit of us all.

How might the only church in town be a place where all people would congregate when some of them are rebels like me?  I think that we'd let each person work out their own life and provide opportunities for groups who would focus on relationships amongst congregates.  Yet, the - North Star - purpose would always be for each person to rest in their right relationship with God in Christ.  A body of Christ with Christ as the head.

Just for today...

"...what I view as a finely developed sense of responsibility may actually amount to a form of dominance." Hope for Today (p.183)

"...the man I married cannot be the source of my happiness or sorrow.  The gift of life is personally mine - as his life belongs to him - to enjoy or destroy, as each of us wishes."  One Day at a Time ([. 183)

"Ever'thing there is but lovin' leaves a rust on yo' soul."  Langston Hughes

June 17th - Remember the joy of floating down that river?

The story...

There's a dam and a river between Hamlin Lake and Lake Michigan.  The dam regulates the current flow - inner-tubbers can slowly float to lake Michigan on most summer days.  It flows faster as it narrows and slows as it widens.  As it breaks through the sandy beach, it speeds up in the narrows and  cuts deeper.  Eventually, it flows into Lake Michigan.

The memories of floating and swimming with friends invokes feelings of happiness and a sense of peacefulness.  It took a lot of work to get all of the floats, fins, life jackets, towels, goggles, books, lotion, and beach chairs to their correct position at either the start or end of the float trip.  One person had to drop the van off and run back to the start.

That lazy river might be a metaphor for life.  God has a will for our lives that flows with relative ease and purpose.  Yet we can kick hard to try to go back upstream, worry about a little bit of rain when we're already wet, venture into the shallows to check out a shiny object, or even kick to the shallows and slow way down while watching others float along.  I remember jumping out to tow a couple tubes and stepping on a fishing hook - ugh.  Yes, floating is about resting and trusting in the river's power.

The only church in town would teach about God's revealed power and provision.  Life, like the river, requires us to do our part and trust God for the rest.  Might we work out our part of the problem and detach?  Let God do the heavy lifting and directing as only He can do.

Just for today...

"... if I could subordinate my will to His.  This is a stumbling block for so many of us: we feel obliged to apply the force of our will to our problems.  No solutions can be found in this way."  One Day at a Time (p. 169)

"Floating free; Oer powered water - Being along; To Thy end."   Am I a Poet?

June 15th - Seek first to understand and relate to others

The story...

I arrived late to my son's baseball game and merged into the crowd to see my son walking up to the plate.  I yell out some "remember to..." encouragement and he turns in my direction and asks "what did you say?"  The audience looks at me and I sat embarrassed.  I knew then that my behavior was wrong and didn't forget the incident.  It helped me see a problem but didn't reveal the cause. 

Old home plate in our back yard

Much of my life has been spent repeatedly attempting to convey and convince others of my further understanding on any topic of interest to me.  I may've justified this demeaning behavior as a means for "helping" others and refining my thoughts by testing and defending them.  In reality, I inhibited relationships, other people's growth, and my own growth too.  Most importantly, the behavior restrained life-giving relationships.

For me, a better way has been to work out a sincere interest in people as they are and where they are.  It's strange that it would be a surprise to me that people, whom I take a sincere interest in, seem to become sincerely interested in me too. Close friendships are now part of my definition of the "good" life - I don't want to work my way through life without them.

The only church in town will likely have a preacher who will frequently speak to the full congregation.  I hope that the messages would be centered around who we are in Christ and less about what we should, or oughta, be thinking or doing.

Just for today...

"What are the attitudes and behaviors that may have served me (or at least gave the illusion of serving me) in the past but now limit my capacity to experience joy and fulfillment?  What are the resentments that keep me in bondage to the past?"  Hope for Today (p. 167)

"I will not add to the problem by using cruel, clever words to humiliate a fellow human being. In doing so, I would be shaming myself."  Courage to Change (p. 167)

"They seem odd; What'd I do? - Probably me; Maybe you."
"Again I'm wrong; Why'd I guess? - Skeptical attitude; Ain't the best."   Am I a Poet?

June 13th - Love 'em Just the Way They Are or Control 'em?

The story...

As a boy, I learned to conform to the norms of the family, friends, classroom and church.  When I was rejected by the teacher, peer groups, family members, or "that girl;" then I'd adapt, roll with the punches, and even craft my own role to "act" out.  As an adolescent, I often rebelled against the system.

I played the cornet in the band throughout middle school and high school.  This was the group that I best identified with.  However, I "pushed back" against the control that was exercised by the band director.  I refused to participate in any performance challenges during my Junior year.  I merely picked up my horn case and moved down to the lower seat.  I witnessed this behavior from the best trumpet player - I joined him and carried it on.  The director solved the problem by putting us in a trumpet section - we actually played more of the melody together.  

Controlling to the Extreme

The band director asked that I record my practice hours on a card during my senior year.  He let me know that it was for my benefit and did not require a parent signature.  I took it home and entered two weeks of zeros.  I asked my mom and dad to both sign the practice card - they did.  The band director looked at the signed practice sheet and said: "It appears that this isn't going to work with you."

I worked as a drug-store delivery boy and was assigned to work a Friday evening that required I miss the football game.  The director wouldn't accept my excuse and told me that he better see me in the band formation prior to the game.  I went to work anyway and drove the delivery car through the band formation while waving at the director.  I earned a "D" in band my senior year.

During my Senior year of college I brought two of my friends to my home town and actually took them on a tour of my High School.  The band director saw me as I was making moves to avoid him.  I was shocked at how respectfully he treated me and my friends.  I'm so thankful for that man and how he worked to shape that rebellious spirit in me. He wasn't the last person to reach out with help.

The people in the only church in town will be wonderfully created to be their best as a group.  Strangely, people are drawn to adapt their behavior, or role play, in order to fit the group's expectations of who they "should" be.  Hopefully, the only church in town would love 'em as they are and offer them a path to grow their faith in their own way and at their own pace.  I'm so thankful that the Patriarchs of the bible were often rebels who God loved and redeemed.

Just for today...

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image.  Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them."  Thomas Merton:  No Man is an Island.

"That's not right; I can see - My way's better; They need me."
"Show'em how; Tell'em again - Prickly I am; Feel that sin."    Am I a Poet? 

June 12th - Freedom from Co-Dependency

The story...

I grew up believing that we were right and they were wrong.  Those who were different were dummies.  Follow our rules and code and distance yourself from others who think or behave differently - the group had the right opinion about everything.  My rebellious personality enabled me to break free and experience a broader scope of ideas, behaviors and ways for working out my life.  Thank goodness that I sought to understand others and was curious about their ways of living.  However, like a good soldier, I gravitated toward accepting a set of rules for working out my Christian life.  Yet, I rebelled along the journey - oh... yet for the grace of God and His pursuit of me.

Robert Subby (1984) defined Co-Dependency as "An emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual's prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules - rules which prevent the open expression of feelings as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems."

Melody Beattie (1992) described how she spent most of her time worrying about people and trying to figure out how to control them - manipulation seemed for her like the only way to get things done. She  later realized that she needed to take care of herself first and allow others the dignity to live out their own lives.

The only church in town might focus on the greatest commandments:  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind.  And, love your neighbor as yourself.  Attenders would learn how they might find freedom from the co-dependency fostered by a set of legalistic rules designed to control congregate behavior.  Shame and guilt replaced by grace and love.  The presence of the Spirit of Christ would validate the reality of the gospel.  People with right relationships with their Creator and maybe a few people too.

Just for today...

"I discovered how much I wanted other people to change so that I could be happy."  Hope for Today (p. 164)

Beattie, M., (1992). Codependent No More - How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring For Yourself.

Mr. Stewart describes what it is like to live a life in Christ as opposed to reducing the Apostle Paul's revelations into a set of rules for living the Christian life.  This book was like a wonderful breath of fresh air for my spirit.  Stewart, J. S. (1935). A Man in Christ - The Vital Elements of St. Paul's Religion

"Fuller person; I can be - Mindfully more; Kind to me"
"What I lack; We got more - Loved in Christ; Created for..."   Am I a Poet?

May 29th - Be Prepared to Do Your Duty

The story...

There was a season of my life when I frequently fished on a pier that jutted out into Lake Michigan.  It was a great place to enjoy; yet, a place that begged for awareness of the expected and unexpected - to be prepared.  You might cast your lure into the air and have a sea gull swoop down and grab your hook. You might hook a 50-year-old sturgeon.  Lightening may quickly arrive and find you as the highest point in the area.  Your back cast might hook another person in the neck.  You might slip on slime, fall into 38 degree water, gash your forehead, and be anchored down with water-filled boots.  Or, that rouge wave might sweep over the pier and take all the stuff and people with it.  

It'd seem that a person who decides to fish on the pier should also follow the Boy Scout Motto:  "Be Prepared" - be in a state of readiness in mind and body to do your duty.  Does that mean continuously turning ideas of all the "bad" unexpected things, that might occur, through your mind - like on a Rolodex?  How can you bear fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control when you're worrying about what "bad" thing might happen?  Can a person who expects doom and gloom really enjoy the life and relationships they've been given?

How would a deer make it through the day if it thought about all of the possibilities that might occur?  There was a herd outside my window as I am wrote this blog.  They seemed thankful for the sunrise, each other, and trusting their needs to be met.  Are you thankfully trusting God's provision and enjoying the cards you're dealt?  Or, do you expect doom, gloom and merely hope to get lucky?

Can't see 'em?  Look closer...

It makes sense to be with others who're prepared.  Helpers are likely expecting you to come with help if needed too.  Within the only church in town, you'd be walking with other pilgrims through life with different capabilities, knowledge, experiences, gifts, abilities, perspectives, levels of preparedness and maturity too.  Problems and suffering will occur; yet, fruit will be born among the pain and suffering.  

Just for today...

"When we anticipate doom, we lose touch with what is happening now and see the world as a threatening place against which we must be on constant alert.  Most of our fears will never come to pass, and if they do, foreknowledge probably won't make us any better prepared."  Courage to Change (p. 150)

"Eeyore's gloomy; Piglet antsy - Pooh's slow; Tigger's bouncy."
"Group's better; All of us - Friends together; On the bus."    Am I a Poet?

May 26th - Say Goodbye to Say Hello

The story...

I liked the motorcycle I owned; yet, planned to sell it to buy another.  Surely, I justified the change - size, ABS safety, travel further, and reliability too.   Yet, I missed the nimbleness, maneuvering ease, and efficiency too - it's was a good friend and companion.  

Why didn't I keep it?  Keeping meant more: maintenance, storage space, insurance cost, and time wasted caring for things.  No, I said goodbye to the old and hello to the new.

First day I owned it - it's time to say goodbye already.

How do we know when a thing, group, or way of living has run its course?  Is it wise to reduce the bias that we have for keeping things just as they are?  Surely there're reasons for why things are the way they are and it'd be foolish not to consider their past, current, and potential value; yet, change is good.

Why not try out a new behavior pattern?  Change experiences may be as simple as: driving home a different way; eating a different kind of food; or attending an event with different people, ideas, hobbies, or  ways of being.  Change has been good for my life walk and character - being ready to roll with change has helped.

People, ministries, buildings, job descriptions and worship practices will come and go within the only church in town.  Yet one day, everybody will take their final breath - "goodbye."  Then, they'll say hello to eternity - our real home.  Oh..., to be found in Christ and loved by God.  Heaven doesn't wait.

Just for today...

"If I don't get too attached to any one way to approach life, I adjust to change with a lot less stress and strain . . .  As a friend says: 'We don't see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.'"  Courage to Change (p. 147)

"That's my place; I like that - Like the same; Life seems flat."
"Open my heart; I meet you - We try stuff; Live anew."   Am I a Poet?

May 20th - The Marriage Contract

The story...

I'm so thankful for my life partner - she said yes 💖.  The marriage contract is a wonderful thing - to love each other, just as we are and will be, till death do we part.  She teaches me to love a bit more each day - I'm so thankful for her...

A marriage contract might work out otherwise.  Meat Loaf sang a wonderful duet "Paradise By The Dashboard Lights."  The protagonist is obsessively thinking and lusting over the girl.  She agrees with the caveat: "yes or no? . . . I gotta know right now . . . Will you make me happy the rest of my life? . . . Will you love me forever?"  He swears on his mother's grave that he'll love her till the end of time - he signs the contract.  Then he prays for the end of time so he can end his time with her.  He'll never break his promise or end his vow.

His relationship didn't seem sustainable.  Love's veiled promise unfulfilled.  Yet, he doesn't break his promise - he suffers along.  What'll he find when he enters the doors of the only church in town?  Justification for divorce, new ways for coping, a diversion, or a new method for changing her?

Within the only church in town, he'd learn about the potential death of his old nature - co-crucified and risen with the Son of God.  He can be free from the tyrannical rule of self -  a new man by the Power of God - yet the contract remains.  Rather than trying to convince her to change, she witnesses the power of God's transformation and may allow God to perform a great work within her heart too.  God does the heavy lifting - there's nothing we can do but trust Him and watch Him work - wow...

Wouldn't that be a great ending stanza to that song?  I don't think so - the song's too good the way it is.  Do you have a favorite song of transformation?  

Just for today...

"Before obsessive thinking takes hold, there is usually a point at which I have to make a choice.  I can opt to mentally toy with a subject that has held my mind hostage in the past or..."  Courage to Change (p. 121)

"Serenity is not abut the end of pain.  It's about my ability to flourish peacefully no matter what life brings my way."  Hope for Today (p. 141)

Lust, forgetful of future suffering, hurries us along the forbidden path."  Claudius Claudianus

"Momma loved me; Flawed but true - Soulmate wanted; Had no clue."
"Disillusion-ally sad; Drew within - God took me; Redeemed my sin."    Am I a Poet?

May 3rd - Freedom to Flourish

The story...

A co-worker and I were commuting to-and-from Grand Rapids, MI as part of a continuing education curriculum designed to help us become better managers and leaders.  We were struggling to accept the lessons learned from a video we saw that night.  The video showed a "boss" who had multiple employees come into his office while he was setting plans for a golf outing.  Each of his reports would let him know of their problem(s) and how they were proceeding.  He acknowledged their planned actions, thanked them, and returned to planning his outing with his feet up on the desk.  It seemed like he was a disengaged, laissez-faire, manager.  Yet, the video suggested that good leadership might look like that - capable leaders and mangers performing their role in a sort of symphony together.  How could this be?   Shouldn't the boss give them advise, check on the progress of their work and pitch in to help?  You know, true servant leadership?

My fellow student and I both served support roles for multiple manufacturing facilities.  So, we challenged ourselves to decide which operation had the most capable leaders within the organization.  We were somewhat shocked when we realized that the leader of the best organization did behave much like the leader portrayed in the video - neither of us really thought he was a good leader.  Yet, his organization was like a farm team who developed good leaders and managers for the organization - they played a manufacturing symphony together.  We both learned a valuable lesson.

Freedom to work it out and grow

What would leadership look like within the only church in town?  I expect that they'd allow congregates the freedom to work out their own life and faith.  They'd be available, good listeners, offer related truth revealed by God, yet be slow to give advice as to how or what they should do.  They'd allow each person to grow with freedom to flourish as gifted. 

Just for today...

"Sometimes it is more loving to allow someone else to experience the natural consequences of their actions, even when it is painful for us both."  Courage for Change (p. 124)

"Searched for Love; Mom and Dad - Friend and Brother; Left me sad."
"Looked for Girl; Two or Three - They can't do; Love for me?"
"Illusive kindness; Flits away - Be that friend; Love you say?"   Am I a Poet?

April 16th - Love Yourself Already- "It's the power of ..."

The story...

It was later in life when I first heard a respected person say that I needed to love myself before I could fully love others.  Similar messages were likely dispatched to me before; but, I clearly didn't receive them.  I know I heard the second greatest commandment: "... love your neighbor as yourself."  This is a core tenant of Judeo-Christianity; so, why was this so hard to first comprehend?

I knew that loving others was a virtue but loving "me" sounded like a selfish-proud man's bane.  And, I knew that I was flawed in ways that we surely want to keep to ourselves if we expect to be accepted by others.

Yes, I accepted that I'm fully loved by God and can love me too.  Quiet meditation after my "normal" prayers, with my thinker in the back seat, is a time where actually being loved can be realized.

People will find true freedom within the only church in town.  They'll grow to love themselves and their neighbors too.  Scripture says we're made in the image of God and that God loves us so much that His Son redeems the full sin burden for those who are His.   With our sins covered by the blood of Christ, we're empowered to walk humbly and vicariously with God - loved.  Might that be part of the today's good life and a glimpse of what it might be like into eternity?

I ain't never going back to that old, commiserating, crappy, selfish life where people wallow in their sin, polish their medals, compare themselves to others, and "try" to please those who couldn't care less.  I will to keep my eyes less on me and more on others.  I want to be in tune with what's really going on - experience being loved and loving too.

Just for today...

"I always expected my happiness to come through others, especially my . . .  parents.  I spent most of my life waiting for them to show their love and approval in a way that I could understand.  They didn't, and I felt deprived and unlovable as a result. . . The only person wo can love me the way I want to be loved is me."   Courage to Change (p. 107)

"I gots itches; Rough and smooth - Don't gotta change; I'm loved."    Am I a Poet?

April 15th - Tax Day

The story...

The Holland State Park improvement plan was approved in 2010.  It happened whether we liked it or not.  I liked the park the way it was; yet, I like it better now.

One of the changes was the removal of a large number of cotton wood trees in the old parking lot.  I met a woman, while visiting the park, that expressed great anguish and anger over the thought of the tree removal.  She claimed that she was working diligently to stop that horrible change from happening.  She seemed physically drained by the dread of the impending change - it happened anyway.

I'm so thankful that I respected our leader's decision and plan.  I didn't comment much about their decisions and weathered the disruptive steps of the improvement process too.  There was much unexpected goodness in those changes - for me and others too.

Politicians who implement their vision for the future, sold during the campaign, are alright with me.  Certainly they need to work with, and through, others to bring ideas into fruition.  Then we, the represented, can evaluate the results - good, marginal, or bad.   Then, in an iterative way, we build better government and communities too.

Many people complain about paying their taxes - not me.  I stand thankful for my freedom, safety, justice, property rights, care for the poor, shared facilities, parks, road system, public transportation, and all those who serve our communities.

The only church in town would treat their community leaders with respect.  (NASB, Romans 13:1-7)

Just for today...

"All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."(NASB, Ephesians 4:31-32)

"I like it; You change it - We experience; New's reality."   Am I a Poet?

April 13th - Renewal

The story...

The epic human story is about creation, curse, toil, patience, love, mercy, grace, warnings, repentance, relenting, judgment, and renewal.   Retelling the story must include the Author and Creator - "That than Which There is No Greater."  It seems that the question of the fairness of reality must be paired with the question as to whether God's thoughts can be our thoughts.  We're creatures - He's our Creator.

The Old Testament and New Testament speak of renewal.  The renewal of all things.  There will be an all knowing, loving, Ruler who will administer perfectly.  All people offered the safe and blessed hope of renewal.

Spring is a time that shouts renewal.  The annual growth plan awaits the earth's tilt on it's axis - sun shinning more on our hemisphere - warming up.  New life and beauty will surely "pop"- renewal!

The only church in town will have parts of the Easter renewal message preached frequently.   All men will hear about our renewal in Christ - freedom from the bondage of self rule and condemnation.  Then they might walk peacefully and joyfully among the tulips - no need to tip toe.  Even the inevitable sufferings of life will bring them closer to their Savior and Redeemer in thankfulness.  Praise God for springtime and renewal.

Just for today...

"Whether I accept or turn down a request, agree or disagree with someone's point of view, I can still treat the other person with respect and courtesy.  I can say, 'No,' as gently an lovingly as I can say, 'Yes'."  Courage to Change (p. 104)

"I always acted on my anxiety, and I was forever reacting.  Most times my reactions came in the form of blaming, running, or freezing.  When I blamed others, I didn't have to feel my deep sense of shame."  Hope for Today (p. 104)

"Keep in mind that we can live only in the present and that all the rest of life is either past or uncertain." One Day at a Time (p. 104)

"Earth tilts; Warms a season - Life abounds; Creation's reason."    Am I a Poet?

March 31st - Quit stalling - trash it already

The story...

It's 1981 and I'm living in Knoxville, TN.  My new best friend's fiancé is visiting next weekend.  He's hanging out in my apartment and says to me:  "I might as well do it now rather than wait until she does."  He walks over to my record collection and tosses five or six of them in a pile in the middle of the floor - I groaned with each potential loss.  Yet, my most pain was felt with the AC/DC album Back in Black.  My soul resonated with those three chords in...  Yes, I agreed that he was right and I soon took the long-hard walk to the dumpster.  His fiancé did visit that weekend; yes, I loved her too.   Yes, she definitely would've thrown those albums away.  I would've been powerless to stop her.  Yet, I'm glad that my good friend left the trashing process to me.

I still think that that Back in Black was the best rock and roll album ever written.  Just three guitar chords: E, D and A.  Does my soul resonate and wake up with those songs?  Yes!  Are, they good for my right and humble walk with God in Christ?  No!  Have I been tempted to listen to that music since?  Yes!  Have I always resisted the urge?  Mostly...  My old-nature's still there, it's been redeemed by the blood of Christ yet still wants to be in control and master my life - that's just the way I am.

Record demolition in Comiskey Park on July 12, 1979

How and when might we best perform our spiritual and life inventory?   We know how hard it is to sort, trash and rearrange stuff that fills up our garages, basements and attics.  For me, the deleting of some of the "trash" that my soul likes, wants, and longs for has been an important part of my personal growth and faith walk.  The "itches" seem to linger if I routinely scratch them.  We take out the regular trash each day but the stuff we've hung onto for too long, that do bring us some kind of comfort, requires something more - surgery.  My current "condition" is vastly superior to my old man's natural "condition."  I ain't going back and will not bring that crap with me any further.

My friend and his wife are wonderful people who've continued a faithful walk within the good state of Ohio.  Ohio is a better place with their family's engagement.  I hope that visitors to the only church in town will find families like theirs to walk alongside with.

Just for today...

"We learn to face the world as it really is and to take responsibility for our actions. We deal with our feelings and share honestly about our experiences. We learn about ourselves and nurture our spiritual growth and our physical and metal well-being.  We become responsible adults."  Courage to Change (p. 91)

"Be good to yourself."  One Day at a Time (p. 91)

"Stuffed shelves; Emit darkness - New light; Barely seen."   Am I a Poet?

March 23rd - Walking and Rolling

The story...

I had a friend who was bound to a wheelchair with partial use of his arms.  His wife was a virtuous and industrious person who cared for and loved him along the way.  We worked together as members of our church leadership board for a few years.  What would it be like to be "imprisoned" in a body that wouldn't go or do what you wanted?  I'm so thankful that he shared his heart, and the reality of his condition, over those years.  I learned much by observing his behavior, asking him "what's it like" questions, listening, and sensing his warm comfortable spirit.  He truly learned to love and accept love well.  He trusted what God's Word said about him rather than his limited capabilities.

He said, multiple times, that the car accident was a blessing.  He had a loving relationship with his God through his Savior.  I believed him and am thankful for his witness.  He seemed to be truly free within the confines of his wheelchair.

Life stories like this one will be an important part of the only church in town.  While our faith isn't built on the testimony of other people, it's a wonderful thing to witness the Spirit of God work His way out through a friend whom you're walking and rolling alongside.

Just for today...

"My anger can be an attempt to change someone or something because I don't want to change . . . I gain self-worth when I change the things I can and accept responsibility for my reactions rather than blaming or shaming another."  Hope for Today (p. 83)

"Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional."  Courage to Change (p. 83)

"Body restricted; Wavering pain - Heart's pounding; Love's there."   Am I a Poet?

March 21st: Camper or Motorcycle?

The story...

It's not hard to remember the effort it took to pack up for, and unpack from, a camping vacation.  It seemed right to bring everything that we expected to need - not to be found wanting.  Strangely, part of the idea was to get away from the stuff and routine.

A motorcycle trip is different - space is limited so you bring what you need - this or that.   What happens if it rains?  You get wet and maybe spend time hanging out with others in an unexpected place - you do dry out an often appreciate the people you both helped and allowed to help you.

Motorcyclists often offer a solidarity arm gesture as they pass each other on the road.  The "gang" also tends to share stories at the gas pumps too - they do spend more time at gas stations.  When traveling on my motorcycle, I feel like I'm part of a bigger group that wants a freer life.

You can like the idea of riding a motorcycle and buy one this week.  You might keep it stored under a tarp in the back of your garage and take it out occasionally to drive around the neighborhood.  It might be safer that way and your bike would stay shinier and newer looking - maybe that's why so many used motorcycles have few miles on their odometer. 

This motorcycle was great . . .

It seems that the only church in town might be a lot like a biker group.  Living more freely in the present together, rid of the extra baggage, more purposeful.  Like the Greek work "ecclesia" - a called out group of people who wanna be free.

Just for today...

"I've heard that we don't necessarily gravitate toward what is good for us; we gravitate toward what feels like home."  Hope for Today (p. 81)  

"Logic may dictate a certain course of action while my inner voice urges me in a different direction.  I may have an easier time when I follow the dictates of logic, convenience, or past experience, but am I cheating myself out of something much better?"  Courage to Change (p. 81)

"Thundering underneath; Fly over hill - Eternity unveiled; O'er golden sun."   Am I a Poet?

March 17th - "Live and Let Live"

The story...

"Live and let live" is a life giving saying that suggests that we mind our own business and allow others the dignity and respect to live their own lives.  This frees us up from the burdens of "trying" to live out other people's lives - a burden that was never ours to carry.

My house has a deck out back with floodlights mounted under the eave.  I enjoy working there when the weather's nice - the floodlight above my head.  In the spring, invariably, a robin will attempt to build a nest above the flood light.  It was my habit to remove the nest, in various stages of build, three or even four times, before they gave up and moved elsewhere.  In 2021, I chose to practice "live and let live" and accommodate the robin.  I moved my "work" chair and endured the momma's chirping as she instinctually protected her chicks.  We even replanned gatherings that'd need the deck space.  Embarrassingly, I bragged about this good deed to all who would listen - "oh... what a proud man I can be."  One day, when the chicks were about ready to leave the nest, I witnessed a barred owl swoop down to the nest and swallow all the chicks.  My emotions ran deep.

What's the moral of the story?  Kill the barred owls!  Please don't, I love 'em.  Two of them are hooting "who cooks for you" as I write.  Do you "live and let live" at the risk of hurt and pain?  For me, I'll continue to "live and let live" but I'm also going to remove even the first twig from that lamp - I know better.  The barred owls in the woods are real.

Would the people of the only church in town be allowed the freedom to live out their own lives with dignity and respect?  I hope the answer is yes. Surely, we all need to be heard and  occasionally helped along our way.  Allowing people the freedom to live out their own lives in a risky world seems worthy.  Who knows what might happen as God works through the people of the only church in town.

Just for today...

"Before anyone else can pick up the ball, I need to be willing to drop it."   Hope for Today (p. 77)

"Difficult situations often bring out qualities in us that otherwise might not have risen to the surface, such as courage, faith, and our need for one another." Courage to Change (p. 77)

"Dear eat Hosta; Plant it still. - It will grow; this I will."
"Hosta pops up; This I admire - Hosta stubs remain; Why's it so?"   Am I a Poet?

March 10th - Everybody singing

The story...

The scene was from the risers in my seventh-grade choir room.  The leader said: "Rommel, you don't sing as good as you think you do."  I was crushed and have generally avoided public singing since then.  I don't recall ever hearing a recording of my singing.  I do sing praise and worship songs in church and sing along to the songs I like.  

There was a day I sang, "a Capella", in front of a large group of people.  I sang part of  Neil Young's "Love is a Rose" at my daughter's wedding.  Sure, I planned and practiced what I'd say and sing.  Yet, I sang somewhat naturally from a heart that was spilling over with love for my daughter and her marriage.  She grew to be independent, capable, and developed many friendships.  Now she was committing to live her life out with a very good man.  It was joyful day.  Our friendship continues to grow as we share more of the reality of our true selves and our life stories.

It's an only church in town dream where everybody's praising and worshipping together.  Praising God for what He has done and worshipping Him for Who He is.  Yes, everybody singing with all they've got!

Just for today...

"Sing a Song" Julie Andrews and the Muppets (1980)

"Wonderful things can happen today because I welcome the thrill of participating in my own life."  Courage to Change (p. 70)

"Sing for joy; Anxiety flees - Love us both; Joy abounds."  Am I a Poet?

February 14th - Mask wearing

 The story...

Once upon a time, I was assigned the responsibility to lead a group of about twelve high-school teenagers.  I facilitated an open first session to find out what topics were most important to them - they didn't know.  I walked out of the room discouraged.  Then, I bumped into a college professor - I eventually described my class topic dilemma to him.  He suggested we focus on the book TrueFaced (1995) that he previously used with similar, yet older, group.  The book's main idea was that people often walk through life acting out different roles to cover up their true selves - it's like they have a mask at hand for each occasion.  I did use the material with the class and I remember that the ideas "resonated" well.  My favorite quote is: "I prefer that you be who I want you to be rather than who you are, if it's all the same to you." (TrueFaced, p. 32).

The book TrueFaced Experience Guide (pp. 33,34) listed six masking behaviors that you may relate to:

• I become highly sensitized to my own sin and judge the sin of others.
• I lose my objectivity in a crisis and I become the issue.
• I hide my sinful behavior and become more vulnerable to sin.
• I am unable to be loved or to love.
• I become susceptible to wrong life choices.
• I attempt to control others.

Group think and the desire to please others can lead us into acting out a part wearing our own mask(s). After we act out a role long enough, might we forget who we are and where we're going?

The only church in town has a loving graceful message.  It'll be safe enough for truth tellers.  Within a loving environment like that, you may be accepted as you are.   Freedom is a wonderful thing.

Just for today...

"'Just trust me?' is the last thing you want to hear when you have already carefully concluded that no one can be trusted ... except yourself."  TrueFaced Experience Guide (p. 44) 

"We look very impressive - we have learned to package our techniques well - but our self-effort keeps us self-centered and immature . . . Because we are constantly pursuing power and authority, and manipulating to gain control, God can never release us into our future . . . Our relational sadness, our inability to be loved, our festering wounds and broken relationships freeze us in immaturity."  TrueFaced Experience Guide (p. 145)

"My thoughts and heart; wanna act well - My self drives me, down iniquity's crooked path."  Am I a Poet

February 13th - But we don't have to go anymore...

The story...

I moved to Duluth, MN, for one year, on a teaching assignment - yes, I've been a teacher.  UMD welcomed me; the students asked me to join them in the stuff that students like to do; the church pulled me into their family; and I lived in a small apartment.  One morning, the apartment manager asked me where I was going on the past Sunday morning.  I told her that I was walking to church.  She said: "I thought so, I saw you were carrying a bible."  She was perplexed and a bit frustrated - "You're a professor, you don't have family here, and you're free to do whatever you want.  Why would you go to church?  We used to have to do that here; but, not anymore - I'm free to do whatever I want."  I shared how it felt to be pulled into a welcoming church family who invited me into their homes and families.  I even played "broom ball" and fished with some of them - "I feel loved there."  She says: "huh, I might try church again." 

I don't think that the only church in town would spend much time reminiscing about the "good old days" when everybody was expected to go to church and try to behave morally right.  Teach me against my will and I'll be of the same opinion still - and likely continue to behave in ways that are more true to who I truly am deep down inside.  

 

Where the story played

Just for today...

"I tried to get God to listen to me through my prayers.  He did, once I stopped telling Him what to do."  Hope for Today (p.44)

"I didn't like myself because I wasn't living up to what I believed to be true about others."  Courage to Change (p. 44)

"Get yer own way, Yer stuck with you; Love together, We're a powerful force."  Am I a Poet?

January 29th - Was I nagging?

The story...

A fellow group member read from the Courage to Change daily reader which I've partially quoted below.  They made the claim, that they realized that their repetition of "advise," to those that they cared about, was really a thinly veiled attempt to fix, manage, and control the person whom they "cared" for.  The repeated messages implied that they didn't trust the "subject" with their own life.  Their relationship was like a co-dependent entanglement that stunted needed growth for both parties.

When I heard her share, I was quickly convicted of a self-defeating behavior.  Why did I continue attempts to drive home my messaging?  They may have missed what I said so I repeated it in a slightly different way or tone?  They didn't seem to receive it well so I made the appeal a bit more persuasive? They didn't give me the feedback that I expected so I repeated?  Yes, I was attempting to fix, manage, or control them and they likely tuned me out.  I expect that their options were to remain co-dependent on me or to act the "rebel" and reject me and my messaging.  Strangely, I frequently acted out the role of the "rebel" when confronted with efforts to control or manipulate me.

What did I truly want for those I cared for?  Did I want them to live protected lives, like in a "zoo," or to live freely in the "jungle" of the actualities of real life?  Are the controllers imagining the freedom of others like a sort of Tarzan - out of control and heading for disaster?

The only church in town will value people moving from dependence, on their care givers, to capable-independent adults.  Clearly, moving from dependence to independence is good, yet we aren't complete on our own - the only church in town will profess the value of living in community.  The community that God offers, in-Christ, has been essential for this rebel's transition from a self-protecting/promoting one to a fruit-bearing life.  I'm free from the bondage of my old self in Christ - I will not to live in a self-protecting "cage" again.  Why would I strive to cage another?

Just for today...

"If I repeatedly make similar suggestions or ask prodding questions again and again, I am probably trying to control. If I am satisfied only when the other person responds in a way I consider desirable - agrees with what I've said or takes my advice - then I know I've lost my focus."  Courage to Change (p. 29)

"I have no right to deprive anyone else of the challenge of meeting his own responsibility."  One Day at a Time (p. 29)

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1 (NASB)