August 24th - "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore."

The story...

It's my senior year of high school, I'm sitting with two friends in study hall during the last hour of the day,  I realize that she and he wanted to be together without me - a boundary set up with me on the outside.  It hurt knowing that she chose him and not me.  The study-hall monitor says my name for the attendance check - I say "here," then immediately stand up and walk out of school early.  I gave up and treated that monitor with no respect - forcing her into a situation to either report or forgive my behavior - she didn't report me.

When is too much too much?  Is playing it safe in an unsafe world futile?  What level of dignity and personal rights do we deserve?  Are we all worthy of being loved?  Who judges the value of a human life?  Is it worth the effort to live a good life?  Does anybody know what a good life looks like?  If we could agree on what a good life looks like, is anyone capable of actually living one out?

It pushes me to the edge of angry when I witness people hurt other people in an attempt to "bend" reality to satiate their appetites to be like "little gods."  Little gods don't seem to be satisfied with living out their own fantasy, they want others to acknowledge, accept, and celebrate their illusions of self-grandeur.  A never-ending quest to collect medals, evidence, and the approval they crave.  I assume they're not okay with who they actually are.

Network (1976)

Sure, people will get angry within the only church in town when their personal boundaries are violated. When their needs and wants aren't met for too long.  When they see the ways of the world worked out and flaunted.  When particular people are admired, celebrated, and sought out for approval.  Yet when people are finally broken, give up trying to be good, stop seeking the approval of others, or get mad as hell and decide not to take it anymore; then, the clarity of the "good news," the message of "grace," shines like the brightest light illuminating "what's going on."  Oh that they might witness God's great saving and freeing work in Christ.  Praise God that it's by grace that I rightly stand with God in Christ. 

It was for freedom that Christ set us free (Galatians 5:1).

Just for today...

"I am human and I get angry, but I don't have to act out my anger in destructive ways . . . Whether my usual response is to scream, sulk in cold silence, or lash out with cruel words, today I can look at what I do when I get mad."  Courage to Change (p. 237)

August 21st - Ain't that good news?

The story...

I've rebelled against being controlled, against my will, throughout my life.  The message of the grace of God was such welcome news to my ears.  It rang true and the resulting relationships have proved worthy within the actualities of life.  Living at peace with God allows me to live in the present where real life and God has been and will be - the most adventurous and satisfying place to be.

My wife will be riding her bike across Iowa in the RAGBRAI tour next week.  This disrupts my normal routines and patterns.  Will I need to plan daily activities to keep myself busy or is there a better way? Surely, I do want to complete extra activities with my free time.  Yet, more importantly, I want to live in the present walking closely with God alongside other co-sojourners.

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." Gal. 5:1 (NASB)   Might I slip back into the world of ongoing attempts of self development, justification, and glorification?  I trust that God will not allow me to stray that far.  Yet, it makes sense to pray for strength against temptations to revert back to that self-serving tyrant task master - self.

The only church in town will preach the good news - the gospel.  God said everyone can be rightly related to our most Holy, Loving, and Just Creator by the great work that He has performed in Christ.  Man - that's good news!

The Gospel - Ain't that good news?

Just for today...

"If I believe that it is hopeless to expect any improvement in my life, I am doubting the power of God . . . Never let me imagine that my satisfaction with life depends on what someone else may do."  One Day at a Time (p. 234)

"In my family, my parents were always telling me what to do. My response was usually angry compliance or rebellious refusal. Either way, I was reacting, not acting, and feeling controlled."  Hope for Today (p. 234)

August 11th - How are you doing inside, outside, and in actuality?

The story...

The group leader challenged the leaders and teens to evaluate how they performed the games on three different levels: inside you, outside you, and the actual game score - what a helpful tool for all of us.  

1. Were my inward thoughts positive and directed toward the game situation?
2. Did I encourage others and treat them the way that I wanted to be treated?
3. What was the actual game score?

Cornhole - fun game played shoulder-to-shoulder

The only church in town would have a pastor who would both share God's revealed word and the truth of how they've worked it out within the actualities of their own life.  That's the kind of person who people will seek out for advise and counseling.  A guy that you might honestly and fruitfully walk side by side with throughout your life journey.

The church organization would be a respite where people would be encouraged to work out their own faith in actuality - first inwardly, and secondly outwardly alongside others.  If we keep score, then it behooves us to keep score on all three levels.  Winners in the game of life are found in Christ - FREE from the tyrannical ruler of self!

Just for today...

"Suppose I feel like a prisoner, trapped in an irksome way of life, as so many of us do. What am I doing about it? My obvious impulse is to try to manipulate the things and people around me into being more acceptable to me. Do I argue, rage and weep to make my spouse behave in a way that I think will make me happier? Happiness isn't won that way."  One Day at a Time (p. 224)

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."  Romans 12:21 NASB

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1 NASB

August 10th - Is it good for you to dwell in the past?

The story...

An unexpected life victory occurred during my 64th year of life.  I traveled on my motorcycle to a location where my family annually vacationed together.  In the past, visits like this, would trigger fond memories that I longed and even ached over.   Camping sites, trails, kids doing similar things, and the scene of  that one time long ago. Often, the longing would be linked with a deep feeling of loss - something that I couldn't return to no matter what.  Yet, on this particular visit, I more fully enjoyed the present.  I didn't forget the past memories but I didn't camp with them either - they seemed to help color the present more vibrantly. 

You might be speculating as to whether the loss of those "good ole day" strong feelings is either good or bad.  Yet, if we spent enough time actually understanding each other, I expect we'd agree that living more fully in our present reality is the better way.

Netflix created a beautiful limited TV series called "The Queen's Gambit."  In one scene, Beth says: "I feel safe in an entire world with just 64 squares."  She developed an obsessive compulsion that helped her cope with reoccurring childhood memories.

I hope that people who attend the only church in town, will be compelled, and feel safe enough, to relax their coping skills. In a more rested and peaceful state, they may resist those compelling habits, and open their eyes more fully as to what's really going on.  They might risk putting their chessboard, with it's 64 spaces, back in the box.  Maybe their soul, mind, and spirt will compel them to pack up their campsite and begin walking again on their life journey.  What a wonderful thing to walk alongside a person who's living life more fully in the present - where God and life are.

Just for today...

"As a child I lived in a fantasy world where to think it so would make it so. Combined with my need for perfectionism and self-control, I believed I could think myself out of reacting emotionally to people and situations.  I carried these misperceptions into adulthood. In my denial, I thought I could make myself not feel anything. I had practiced being tough for a long time."  Hope for Today (p. 223)

August 8th - If self-defeating behaviors go away, what will take their place?

The story...

When I was a kid, mosquito bites would swell up and itch like crazy.  And, I'd itch them like crazy.  My mom would say, "Stop doing that, it'll just make it worse."  Truly they did get worse the more I scratched them.  My focus on the mosquito bites, and that satisfying relief from scratching, distracted me from living more fully in the present.

It's not hard to imagine that our known sins are kind of like itches that come alive when we scratch the hell out of them.  It feels good, but not for long.  The scratching seems almost involuntary and necessary for our well being or survival.

What's it like on the other side of life if we resist the urge to scratch our itches and become more self-aware in the present?  Is a life like that better, doable, and sustainable?

The only church in town would preach that your old-sinful nature is going to scratch itches no matter how hard you try to stop 'em.  Like whac-a-mole, a new one will just pop up and take the other's place.  And, you'll likely find a bit of pride too in your efforts to be good: "What a good boy am I!"

Cat Whac-a-Mole

The only church in town will preach the unmeasurable value of living out a loving relationship with the Lord your God through the atonement that only He can provide - GRACE.  Each of our relationships with God, is the source of the lasting good life.  Why not trust God and walk humbly with Him today?  He created us the way we are and enjoys us - even those rebellious rascals like me.  I won't willingly go back to that old Whac-a-Mole life.  I'm so thankful that God restores our relationship continuously in a real loving relationship - He seems to be molding me into the better man He created me to BE.

Just for today...

"My great fear is this:  If I shed many characteristics that stand in my way, what will be left? . . . The desire to grow and heal has brought me to this uncomfortable point, because I am tired of the way I have been . . . I can take all the time I need."  Courage to Change (p. 221)

August 6th - What does a really good day look like in your daydreams?

The story...

There was a summer, during my middle-school years, when I didn't do much.  I delivered my daily newspapers, participated in family stuff, watched too much TV and daydreamed. Strangely, I remember contemplating my rather dull summer while thinking it really didn't make any difference - the summer was nearly over too for those who actually lived out the type of summer I hoped for.  Yes, that chunk of life was over for everyone.

Daydream - Lovin' Spoonful

What would I tell the teenage me If I could sit down with him back then?  Would I tell him about the good circumstances that awaited?  Would I tell the rather short me that I'd grow to be 6' 4" tall?  Would I tell him that it was better than he thought?  Would I share an appreciation fir the good that he actually had available?  Or would I tell him to focus on the greatest two commandments in the bible:  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, strength, and mind.  And, love your neighbor as yourself?  I expect what I really needed was to understand, be understood, and to learn to love and be loved just as I was.

Would you rather be loved in poor circumstances or unloved in favorable circumstances?  In my humble opinion, my best days are those where I'm loving my neighbors as myself.  A day when I'm a best friend to me which seems to serve as a source of strength for loving other people.  And, I can only love me if I'm right with, or at peace with, God the Father.

People attending the only church in town will hear about how they too might be right with God the Father through His provision.  The bible says faith in His Son's redeeming death, burial and resurrection positions people in Christ - a place where we can be rightly related to God and enjoy a most wonderful condition both now and forevermore. (Ephesians 1)

Just for today...

"I would put aside critical thoughts of others. I would notice interesting things - the expressions on people's faces, a plant growing on my windowsill, the grace and charm of a child, an arrangement of clouds. Today there are wonders all around me, if I will open my eyes and enjoy them."  One Day at a Time (p. 219)

July 30th - "Don't worry be happy?"

The story...

In June, 1981, I visited my family in Whitehall, MI, for a weekend vacation.  I'd recently joined a wonderful group of believers who regularly studied their bibles together in Oak Ridge, TN.  They were working out their faith in ways that were new, and filled with unexpected goodness, to me.  The leader, Bill Job, was freely sharing the reality of his own faith walk as he shared God's revealed Word.  I'd decided to follow Jesus - no turning back, no turning back.  I first heard about the concept of God's grace through Bill.

I shared what I learned, and decided, with my dad on our way back to the cabin for lunch.  My dad paused, turned to me and said, "It sounds good, but you just can't live like that . . . life just doesn't work that way.  You can try."

Why not try to live a good righteous life, do your best, and try to be happy in all circumstances?  Seriously, why not?  This is a question worthy of pondering.  Was my dad right?  Is it impossible even with our best efforts?  Like many perplexing questions, and answers, he seemed to be both right and wrong.  I learned that I can't, no matter how hard I try, yet God can.  He changed me from the inside out.  He changed my heart and my will was bent to trust Him.  My "good" life's grown through ongoing prayer and communion with my Father in Christ.  I thankfully praise God for His might, power, grace, and love for even me.  Yet, my "self" is still on the "shelf" - readily available whenever...

I expect that the only church in town will offer knowledge, relationships, and opportunities for each attender to trust God and quit trying to be good on their own.  When they do, there's no turning back - God is faithful to His Word.

Just for today...

"I choose happiness and then abandon my choice at the first sign of trouble.  How deep can my commitment be if I allow even slight obstacles to rob me of my sense of well-being? . . . If I have a long-standing habit of responding to problems by feeling like a victim, it may not be easy to stand by my decision to be happy."  Courage to Change (p. 212)

July 24th - My will isn't God's will yet God created me with a will.

The story...

This Friday's trip to Ludington State Park, on on my new yellow-KLR motorcycle, was wonderful.  I rode a new route and saw things that I'd previously ignored.  It seems I was often rushing in a quest to either get to a better place or to rush home as quickly as possible. 

Wow! Ludington Pumped Storage Plant

The weather was good, the people were friendly, the waitress was extra helpful, and the state park looked just like I left it - there were nice improvements.  Yet, the highlight of my trip plan was to cast a yellow-red Daredevil spoon off of the Lake Hamlin sand dunes - I imagined catching that Northern Pike. I planned for it, willed it, hiked there, had the stuff, and even the weather to make it happen. Yes, I was attempting to "bend" reality according to my will.  To my dismay, the area had too many boats and my secondary fishing site had two people wading in the bay!  My imagined reality wasn't going to happen.

I prayed a short prayer of thankfulness and remembered that God's will wasn't my will  Obviously, He has a different and righter plan than I could imagine.  So, I walked back to the parking lot with maybe five casts - silver, #3 Mepps spinner, no buck tail - along the way.  I sat down on a bench and closed my eyes for a few minutes.  The scene was comfortable, peaceful, and the sounds of the kids playing at the beach were joyful.  I gathered myself, picked up my rod, and sauntered along the shoreline to the dam.  There was an old man fishing below the dam who shared that he had no luck.  He wished me the best and on my third cast I caught the Pike I had hoped for - it was a joyful experience.

I do wear a big shoe...

There were always reasons for doing what I've done in my life.  I've made a series of reasonable choices, within the confines of my environment(s) and capabilities, to end up here.  Good situations sometimes resulted in increasing pride and smugness that led to downfalls while trials often resulted in a better, more capable, and thankful, me.  I'm thankful for everything about my life thus far.

God made us with a will to work out our life yet He intervenes through His sovereign will as He wishes.  We can ignore Him and reap the consequences of a self-willed life, trying to bend reality, or trust Him and experience increasing heart-felt joy and peace.  How could our will ever come close to the will of God for our lives?

The only church in town would share God's revealed truth for both eternity and this life too.  They'd share scripture like 1 Corinthians 15 so that people might hear and believe in God's provision for us, His creatures.  What an awesome wonder to be able to humbly and rightly walk with God in Christ. 

Just for today...

"At that moment of smug self-righteousness, God decided to send me a spiritual awakening. He told me that perhaps they understood more about Him than I did.  After all, they were the ones who were happy and free, filled with peace. Perhaps I could learn something from them if I opened my mind enough to listen and opened my heart enough to risk getting involved..."  Hope for Today (p. 206)

July 16th - EGO maintenance or replacement?

The story...

A Human Resources representative delivered a 360 degree performance evaluation to me and summarized the feedback that she received with one phrase: "It's all about you."  I appreciated the honest feedback yet it stung.  Sure I talk about me and what I'm interested in most.  Who else's ideas could I share?  Okay, I didn't know the names of my work-group's family members - why is that a problem?  I'm a story teller, who else's stories can I tell?  The feedback was valuable and I never forgot it.  It took effort and courage to develop and deliver that feedback to me - I'm extremely grateful that she succinctly delivered the feedback in a manner that I received it.  My self awareness grew much that day.

So, my ego is that part of my conscience mind which I consider myself.  It's who I'm referring to when I use the word "I."  Is it a worthy endeavor to better understand and value my ego?  When does self-awareness and development turn that nasty corner toward narcissism?   Am, I lovable as I am?  Can I love me without being consumed by self-love and falling into loneliness and despair?  What's a healthy level of self-esteem?

My favorite verse of the bible is a wish that the Apostle Paul sends to a congregation of people in Rome whom he'd never met.  I wish the same thing for me and for you too.  

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13 NASB

The "selves" who walk into the only church in town would find what they're looking for in a right relationship with God and His community.  There they may find that healthy ego that enables a person to live a more satisfying, joyful, peaceful, and fruitful life.  Hopefully they'll witness, meet, and walk with people who're trusting God.

Why is it so hard for a man to bend his knee and trust in God and His provision for the "good" life?  Why is faith in God and His Word soo... elusive for most people?  The self seems to rebel against this threat to it's supreme authority and preeminence.  It's almost like our old self is trying to save itself from being transformed from that caterpillar to the butterfly.

Just for today...

"Maturity is the capacity to withstand ego-destroying experiences, and not lose one's perspective in the ego-building experiences."  Robert K. Greenleaf

“Despair is the absolute extreme of self-love. It is reached when a person deliberately turns his back on all help from anyone else in order to taste the rotten luxury of knowing himself to be lost.”  Thomas Merton

July 10th - Curious George

The story...

Curious George was my favorite character from the books I read as a  young boy.  I was surprised and sad when the librarian told me that I'd read the whole series.  There were no more Curious George books to read - "no, that can't be!"  George was true to his nature, as a monkey, but loved and respected the man in the yellow hat who often saved him from the troubles that he encountered, within the world, as he ventured forth.  George wondered what if..., or where might..., or how does..., or who is..., or what will that do?  George pushed the limits and experienced a more full and adventurous life - he didn't "play it safe."

The book series was likely popular because people want to experience a "bigger" life yet they play it safe to avoid risks of failure, rejection, injury...  Yet, playing it safe often results in a more isolated, smaller, anxious, and lonely self.  I'm thankful for every close relationship and new experience that helped stretch the boundaries of life.  Yes, when I'm okay with myself, I'm more free to enjoy other people just as they are.  Wow, what a neat thing to be truly interested in the lives of the other pilgrims who're traveling on alongside me.  

I wonder what will happen today, who I will meet, or how the Lord will work His way through the lives of those who are His. Yes, thankfully I'm a curious sort.

The only church in town would include many who greatly value their relationships. The source of their willingness to be curious will be the peace they currently enjoy in God through Christ - they risk experiencing love with a strong sense that they're okay.  A best relationship may serve as a foundation for taking our eyes off ourselves and truly, and more honestly, toward others.

Just for today...

"I won't let old, limiting ideas and doubts go unchallenged.  I may discover strengths and talents that never had the chance to come to light."  Courage to Change (p. 192)

"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours."  Richard Bach.

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their mind to be."  Abraham Lincoln

July 8th - Life is lived breath by breath...

The story...

In accounting, assets need to balance liabilities with a net sum of zero - life ain't that way.  If I want a particular outcome, or series of events, then I'll always be disappointed.  Yet, if I live in the present and value my relationships; then, my assets can be huge and my liabilities mere needs that can be fulfilled by the grace of God and love extended from others.

The only church in town would be a place where people meet neighbors who are thankful for life and every breath they breathe in the present.  Yes, life is a gift lived out in the present.

A breath of life recorded

I wonder if we'll breathe in eternity?  Will there be darkness when the "Light" is there?

Just for today...

"A great deal can be learned as a result of painful circumstances, but they are not my only teachers. I live in a world of wonders. Today I will pay attention to their gentle wisdom."  Courage to Change (p. 190)

"In those who are still bound to their unhappiness, we hear, beyond their words, angry judgments of the . . . , self pity, and a grim determination to 'win the battle,' no matter what."  One Day at a Time (p. 190)

July 1st - Let 'em Be Free

The story...

My rebellious spirit resisted efforts to fix, manage, control or dominate me.  Had I been more compliant, I likely would've received better grades, learned to play a cornet better, better understood what others were into, and been a part of more groups too.  I do greatly appreciate the groups and relationships that I've been a part of; yet, I seemed driven towards freedom from group think and domineering controlling types.  Sadly, this meant that I had to find ways to deal with the rejection that goes along with a rebellious spirit.

The jobs that I chose, and flourished in, allowed me to exercise my independence and drive change in the processes that converted inputs into outputs.  Rebel against the status quo and change things to make them better.  The jobs involved imagination, risk, reward, influence, and an internal need to succeed - I was naturally good at this type of work and change characterized my career.  When things became too predictable, I moved on towards the next thing.

Was I born to walk this road or was I a product of my environment?  Nobody knows the answer.  I do believe that we all need every person to work out their unique abilities, skills and talents for the benefit of us all.

How might the only church in town be a place where all people would congregate when some of them are rebels like me?  I think that we'd let each person work out their own lives and provide opportunities for groups who would focus on relationships amongst congregates.  Yet, the - North Star - purpose would always be for each person to rest in their right relationship with God in Christ.

Just for today...

"...what I view as a finely developed sense of responsibility may actually amount to a form of dominance." Hope for Today (p.183)

"...the man I married cannot be the source of my happiness or sorrow.  The gift of life is personally mine - as his life belongs to him - to enjoy or destroy, as each of us wishes."  One Day at a Time ([. 183)

"Ever'thing there is but lovin' leaves a rust on yo' soul." Langston Hughes

June 26th - What does a good day look like?

The story...

These are my first ten thoughts regarding what I think a good day might find me doing:

• Trusting in God's will and His provision
• Living in present reality
• Engaging in the world
• Eating, exercising, working and sleeping well
• Loving and being loved
• Imagining the good future
• Resting peacefully
• Laughing with friends
• Learning something new
• Being true to who I am in Christ

What ten things might happen to derail my plans for a good day?

• Financial loss
• Criticism from someone I respect
• Rejection
• Laziness
• Focus on myself and attempts to please me
• Efforts to try to fit in or be like the group
• No or nonchalant prayer
• Forced to perform a role that I'm not capable in
• Change of plans
• Suffering - me or those I care for

The only church in town would teach people to trust in God's revealed truth about who we are, what we might expect, how God has provided for us, and how we might find peace in all life circumstances.  (Phil. 4:11-13)

Just for today...

"It's as if I don't know how to handle happiness, so I start searching for difficulties to draw on." Hope for Today (p. 178)

"I will not allow old resentments to drag me down any longer.  I am building a better and more loving life today."   Courage to Change (p. 178)

June 17th - Remember the joy of floating down that river?

The story...

There's a dam and a river between Hamlin Lake and Lake Michigan.  The dam regulates the flow in a way that inner-tubbers can float down the river to lake Michigan on most summer days.  The water flows faster when it narrows and slows down when it widens.  When it breaks through the sandy beach area, it speeds up in the narrows and cuts deeper too - eventually it flows into Lake Michigan.

The memories of floating and swimming with friends invokes feelings of happiness and a sense of peacefulness.  It took a lot of work to get all of the floats, fins, life jackets, towels, goggles, books, lotion, and beach chairs to their correct position at either the start or end of the float trip.  One person had to drop the van off and run back to the start.

That lazy river might be a metaphor for life.  God has a will for our lives that flows with relative ease and purpose.  Yet we can kick hard to try to go back upstream, worry about a little bit of rain when we're already wet, venture into the shallows to check out a shiny object, or even kick to the shallows and slow way down while watching others float along.  I remember jumping out to tow a couple tubes and stepping on a fishing hook - ugh.  Yes, floating is about resting and trusting in the river's power.

The only church in town would teach about God's revealed power and provision.  Life, like the river, requires us to do our part and trust God for the rest.  Oh... work out our part of the problem and detach - let God work out His good and right will.

Just for today...

"... if I could subordinate my will to His.  This is a stumbling block for so many of us: we feel obliged to apply the force of our will to our problems.  No solutions can be found in this way."  One Day at a Time (p. 169)

June 15th - Seek first to understand and relate to others

The story...

I arrived late to my son's baseball game and merged into the crowd to see my son walking up to the plate.  I yell out some "remember to..." encouragement and he turns in my direction and asks "what did you say?"  The audience looks at me and I sat embarrassed.  I knew then that my behavior was wrong and didn't forget the incident.  It helped me see a problem but didn't reveal the cause. 

Old home plate in our back yard

Much of my life has been spent repeatedly attempting to convey and convince others of my better understanding on any topic of interest to me.  I may've justified this demeaning behavior as a means for "helping" others and refining my thoughts by testing and defending them.  In reality, I inhibited relationships, other people's growth, and my own growth too.  Most importantly, the behavior restrained important relationships.

For me, a better way has been to work out a sincere interest in people as they are and where they are.  It's strange that it would be a surprise to me that people whom I take a sincere interest in seem to become sincerely interested in me too. Close friendships are now part of my definition of the "good" life - I don't want to work my way through life without them.

The only church in town will likely have a preacher who will frequently speak to the full congregation.  I hope that the messages would be centered around who we are in Christ and less about what we should, or oughta, be thinking or doing.

Just for today...

"What are the attitudes and behaviors that may have served me (or at least gave the illusion of serving me) in the past but now limit my capacity to experience joy and fulfillment?  What are the resentments that keep me in bondage to the past?"  Hope for Today (p. 167)

"I will not add to the problem by using cruel, clever words to humiliate a fellow human being. In doing so, I would be shaming myself."  Courage to Change (p. 167)

June 13th - Love 'em Just the Way They Are or Control 'em?

The story...

As a boy, I learned how to conform to the norms of the family, friends, classroom and the church.  When I was rejected by the teacher, peer groups, family members, or "that girl," then I adapted, rolled with punches, and even crafted my own role to "act" out.  As an adolescent, I often rebelled against the system.

I played the cornet in the band throughout middle school and high school.  This was the group that I best identified with.  However, I "pushed back" against the control that was exercised by the band director.  I refused to participate in any performance challenges during my Junior year.  I merely picked up my horn case and moved down to the lower seat.  This only worked out because the best trumpet player also joined me.  The director solved the problem by putting us in a trumpet section - we actually played more of the melody together.  

Controlling to the Extreme

The band director asked that I record my practice hours on a card during my senior year.  He let me know that it was for my benefit and did not require a parent signature.  I took it home and entered two weeks of zeros.  I asked my mom and dad to both sign the practice card - they did.  The band director looked at the signed practice sheet and said: "It appears that this isn't going to work with you."

I worked as a drug-store delivery boy and was assigned to work a Friday evening and would need to miss the football game.  The director would not accept my excuse and told me that he better see me in the band formation prior to the game.  I went to work anyway and drove the delivery car through the band formation while waving at the director.  I earned a "D" in band my senior year.

During my Senior year of college I brought two of my friends to my home town and actually took them on a tour of my High School.  The band director saw me as I was making moves to avoid him.  I was shocked at how respectfully he treated me and my friends.  I'm so thankful for that man and how he worked to shape that rebellious spirit in me. He wasn't the last person to reach out to help me.

The people in the only church in town will be wonderfully created to be unique and more complete as a group.  Strangely people are drawn to adapt their behavior, or role play, in order to fit the group's expectations of who they should be.  Hopefully, the only church in town would love 'em as they are and offer them a path to grow their faith in their own way and at their own pace.  I'm so thankful that the Patriarchs of the bible were often rebels who God loved and redeemed.

Just for today...

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image.  Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them."  Thomas Merton:  No Man is an Island.

June 12th - Freedom from Co-Dependency

The story...

I grew up believing that we were right and they were wrong.  Those who were different were dummies.  Follow our rules and code and distance yourself from others who think or behave differently - the group had the right opinion about everything.  My rebellious personality enabled me to break free and experience a broader scope of ideas, behaviors and ways for working out my life.  Thank goodness that I sought to understand others and was curious about their ways of living.  However, like a good soldier, I gravitated toward accepting a set of rules for working out my Christian life.  Yet, I rebelled along the journey - oh... yet for the grace of God and His pursuit of me.

Robert Subby (1984) defined Co-Dependency as "An emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual's prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules - rules which prevent the open expression of feelings as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems."

Melody Beattie (1992) described how she spent most of her time worrying about people and trying to figure out how to control them - manipulation seemed for her like the only way to get things done. She  later realized that she needed to take care of herself first and allow others the dignity to live out their own lives.

The only church in town might focus on the greatest commandments:  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind.  And, love your neighbor as yourself.  Attenders would learn how they might find freedom from the co-dependency fostered by a set of legalistic rules designed to control congregate behavior.  Shame and guilt replaced by grace and love.  The presence of the Spirit of Christ would validate the reality of the gospel.  People with right relationships with their Creator and maybe a few people too.

Just for today...

"I discovered how much I wanted other people to change so that I could be happy."  Hope for Today (p. 164)

Beattie, M., (1992). Codependent No More - How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring For Yourself.

Mr. Stewart describes what it is like to live a life in Christ as opposed to reducing the Apostle Paul's revelations into a set of rules for living the Christian life.  This book was like a wonderful breath of fresh air for my spirit.  Stewart, J. S. (1935). A Man in Christ - The Vital Elements of St. Paul's Religion

June 11th - Valued Relationships

The story...

Relationships in college were easy for me to develop.  We lived and ate in the same place, shared similar schedules and academic challenges, were about the same age, were invited to similar social events, drank beer together, and most of our lives had yet to be written.  I thought I was free to play and be whoever I wanted to be.

Marston Hall - The library was my favorite study place.

Many college students had enough of community living after about two years.  They wanted to be free of the forced relationship hassles and rules related to community living - they moved off campus. Personally, I didn't understand why people would want to clean a house, shovel sidewalks, buy and cook food, and work out the domestic life with a few other people.   I liked to visit houses like that but I also enjoyed returning to the dorm community.

During my Junior year, I attended the going-away parties for friends who were graduating or just leaving Ames, IA.  The party for guys seemed to be more optimistic than for the girls - parties for girls seemed to be more like a wake or a funeral.  Maybe the girls were more in tune with their feelings or had closer relationships than the guys did.  Anyway, I always planned an event that I could escape to rather than lingering at the "wakes."

Then it happened to me.  I had my own apartment in Knoxville, TN.  I had friends yet I felt isolation and loneliness.  Then a new friend invited me to a parachurch and I became connected.  I've been part of a church community ever since.  The purpose of the college community was to grow me, grow my understanding and transform me into a productive member of society who somebody wanted to hire.  The church community had aims of making me a better person rightly related to God and others too.

The only church in town would primarily preach and teach the gospel about how a man can be reconciled with God and have an ongoing relationship with Him.  They'd work out Truth into the reality of their life walk and community too.   The community life and person-to-person relationships would be good yet of secondary importance.

Just for today...

"I was unable to discuss my personal life with my mother.  Fearing her rejection, I rejected her instead . . . I realized that the opportunity to be close to her had always existed, but I hadn't been willing, until then, to take part in it."  Courage to Change (p. 163)

May 29th - Be Prepared to Do Your Duty

The story...

There was a season of my life when I frequently fished on a pier that jutted out into Lake Michigan.  It was a great place to enjoy; yet, a place that begged for awareness of the expected and unexpected - to be prepared.  You might cast your lure into the air and have a sea gull swoop down and grab your hook. You might hook a 50-year-old sturgeon.  Lightening may quickly arrive and find you as the highest point in the area.  Your back cast might hook another person in the neck.  You might slip on that slime and find yourself in 38 degree water, with a gash on your forehead, anchored down with water-filled boots.  Or, that rouge wave might sweep over the pier and take all the stuff and people with it.  

It'd seem that a person who decides to fish on the pier should also follow the Boy Scout Motto:  "Be Prepared" - be in a state of readiness in mind and body to do your duty.  Does that mean continuously turning ideas of all the "bad" unexpected things, that might occur, through your mind - like on a Rolodex?  How can you bear fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control when you're worrying about what "bad" thing might happen?  Can a person who expects doom and gloom really enjoy the life and relationships they've been given?

How would a deer make it through the day if it thought about all of the possibilities that might occur?  There's a group outside my window as I am writing this blog.  They seem thankful for the sunrise, each other, and trusting there needs will be met.  Are you thankfully trusting God's provision, enjoying the cards you're dealt, or do you expect doom and gloom and merely hope to get lucky?

Can't see 'em?  Look closer...

It makes sense to be with others who're prepared yet they're likely expecting you to help if needed too.  Within the only church in town, you'd be walking with other pilgrims through life with different capabilities, knowledge, experiences, gifts, abilities, perspectives, levels of preparedness and maturity too.  In the only church in town, problems and suffering will occur yet fruit will be born among the pain and suffering.  

Just for today...

"When we anticipate doom, we lose touch with what is happening now and see the world as a threatening place against which we must be on constant alert.  Most of our fears will never come to pass, and if they do, foreknowledge probably won't make us any better prepared."  Courage to Change (p. 150)

May 26th - Say Goodbye to Say Hello

The story...

I like the motorcycle that I currently own yet I'm planning to sell it to buy another.  Surely I've justified the change - size, safety with ABS, travel further, and more reliable.   Yet, I'll miss the nimbleness, ease of maneuvering, and efficiency - it's been a good friend and companion.  

Why not keep it?  Keeping means more: maintenance, storage space, insurance cost, and time wasted caring for things.  No, I will say goodbye to the old and welcome the new.

First day I owned it - it's time to say goodbye already.

How do we know when a thing, group, or way of living has run its course?  Might we reduce the bias that we have for keeping things just as they are.  Surely there're reasons for why things are the way they are and it'd be foolish not to consider their past, current and potential value.

I've heard that it's healthy to break behavior patterns.  For example, drive home a different way or eat a different kind of food.  Go to an event where people have different interests, hobbies and ways.  Change has been good for my life walk and character - being ready to roll and accepting change has helped.

People, ministries, buildings, job descriptions and worship practices will come and go within the only church in town.  Yet one day, everybody will take their final breath - "goodbye."  And, they'll say hello to eternity.  Oh..., to be found in Christ and loved by God.  Heaven doesn't wait.

Just for today...

"If I don't get too attached to any one way to approach life, I adjust to change with a lot less stress and strain . . .  As a friend says: 'We don't see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.'"  Courage to Change (p. 147)