September 18th - The value of "we" in community

The story...

My four siblings and I lived closely together.  Each family member seemed to provide something that other family members lacked.  Some took on a role that partly filled a group need: Planner, Encourager, Tester, Teacher, Story Teller, Helper, Organizer, Server, Project Leader, Decision Maker, Giver, Doer etc.  Maybe that means we were a bit dysfunctional when one of the family members was gone for a period of time?  I expect that we each flexed our style in order to recover some of the lost value of our missing sibling.  It's frustrating to see siblings compare each other to evaluate who is the "best" or to try to fulfill a "best" image that the family has conjured up.  It seems better to appreciate the value of the "we" and enjoy each other just as they are.  It's a good thing to be okay with who you are - this state of well being seems like a sound foundation for continual growth within the "good life."

It would be a shame if there was a family code that encouraged all members to live, think and act in similar ways according to a "best" standard.  "If I could just fix _____ then I'd be okay" - ugh.

People new to the only church in town would learn about the Body of Christ and how people are given unique characteristics, talents, and gifts in order to better form God's called out group of people according to His will (1 Corinthians 12).  Each person would be valued and offered the opportunity to engage in the church community.  The church would be a place where people would go to serve their role in something bigger and better than any one person could possibly do or be.

Just for today...

"Too often my memory has given me sadness, bringing back past hurt and shame. But now I can use my memory to see the progress I have made and to know the joy of gratitude."  Courage to Change (p. 262)

September 12th - "I was just trying to help . . . my intentions were good."

The story...

Bill approved my attending an AMA, American Management Association, new manager seminar in Chicago.  I wanted to be and do my best in my new manager role.  What new tools and methods might I learn?  I left the seminar with a small book that included phrases that could be inserted into performance appraisals if you couldn't think of the right message - I don't remember actually using the book yet it felt good to have it on hand.

I wish that a mentor would've noticed my tendency to get into other people's business.  Sure my intentions were good - I wanted to "help" them to be that "better" more "capable" person that I imagined they could be.  When they had personal trouble, I tended to delve into their lives to "better" understand their situation, offer advise, and even to become involved in their work in order to "help" them along.  It seemed that I was hoping for a sort of co-dependent relationship where they valued my part in their "growth."

Thankfully I had a high performing, capable, person reporting to me who was going through a personal situation that was significantly affecting his work.  My efforts to intervene, with good intentions, were not working.  A wiser, and more experienced, manager called me out on my "coddling," intrusive, and "Christian like" intervention.  "You aren't helping him, you're enabling him to stay as he is and fail.  Hold him accountable for the results, be available if he needs support, and get out of his way."   The new approach worked and I changed my "management" style thereafter.  I adopted a pattern of giving each person the dignity; respect; necessary support; and freedom to fulfill their roles, responsibilities, and assignments - it was good, reasonable, more natural, and better results followed.   Some were not successful and moved on to a job or organization that was a better fit.  

I wish I'd have adapted some of those principles within my personal life too.  I eventually did, yet it took years for me to habitually offer most people the dignity and respect to be the unique person that they were without my "good intentioned" interference, "designed by me" to help them be who I thought they "oughta" be.  I was acting like a little god - ugh.

The only church in town would allow people to more honestly live out their lives starting with where they actually are.  Healthy relationships would be available to help them work out their lives alongside other people according to righteous principles and truth. It seems to take people a lotta time to grow - much longer than you'd ever expected.  The only church in town would be a patient, loving, and respectful environment where God's will is witnessed within reality.

Just for today...

"She is getting unconscious satisfaction from managing other people's lives, while she imagines her intentions are only good . . . Heaven protect me from my good friends who, with only the best intentions, keep the wounds of my resentment open, weaken me by their pity, an justify my complaints."  One Day at a Time (p. 256)

"Acceptance does not mean submission to a degrading situation. It means accepting the fact of a situation, then deciding what we will do about it . . . I will give myself time to accept my situation before I act." Courage to Change (p. 256)

September 11th - Are relationships worth the effort?

The story...

I obsessively thought about a family situation yesterday - it surprised me because I thought that I had victory over what some might call "stinking thinking."  I felt left out, marginalized, under-valued, avoided, with my concerns and interests ignored.  I began to imagine scenarios that were possible and built them into an imagined reality that made sense - I began to prepare and protect myself according to this new imagined reality.  It turns out, my obsessive thinking was unwarranted.  Two phone calls finally clarified the family behaviors according to a "truer" reality - I now better understood their perceptions and behaviors even though they seem odd and a tad unreasonable to me.

Would it help to work on improving my relationships with other family members?  Yes, but it takes time and requires me to offer them the dignity and respect for being just as they are.  Is it possible to develop a relationship with them without the need to fix, manage, control, change or argue opinions with them?  Yes, that's how I plan to move forward.  

The only church in town will have people who perceive the same situation or scenario in different ways.  Better relationships will improve the situations yet they'll not prevent turmoil.  Might we let them be while still working on building or mutual relationships?  Might they grow in response to good supporting relationships?   Is relationship building more fulfilling then vain attempts to build up, promote, and protect ourselves?

Just for today...

"The word sarcasm comes from a Greek word meaning to tear flesh. 'Wouldn't I feel pretty cheap if I could hear myself being played back? Wouldn't it give me some idea of my part in the family troubles?'"  One Day at a Time (p. 255)

"...when the feeling comes up, I recognize it, share about it, accept that I felt it, and then set it aside. I no longer assume that it has validity . . . Today I will take one of my assumptions about myself and hold it up to the light. I may find that it stems from habit rather than reality." Courage to Change (p. 255)

September 7th - We need leaders who've experienced the way to go.

The story...

A preacher once shared a transformational story with me.  It went like this: He was traveling across country with two other pastors and they were discussing the difference between people knowing about God and actually having a close relationship with Him that's born fruit.  He likened the situation to knowing all about London, his home town, yet never actually experiencing it.  You could know the map and even zoom in on Google images in great detail.  You could know about the key historical events, learn their language, practice their customs, dress like them, and even cook the same food.  Yet, you'd never really know what it's like to live in, and be part of, a particular London neighborhood.

Pastor Henry Hudson

Most of us have spent a lotta time in classrooms learning about things - memorizing facts and understanding how things relate to each other.  We may even feel we've mastered a subject without actually stepping into the territory.  I hope this isn't where people leave their faith journey.

Scripture confirms that God provided a way for us creatures to have an intimate relationship with Him.  The relationship can be so close that we may even refer to Him as daddy - "Abba Father."  People often hear this truth, understand the possibility, and maybe even memorize the verses; yet, they haven't experienced the relationship.  

People attending the only church in town would reasonable expect to witness the power of God actually worked out through the people who are His.  They'd hear about ongoing prayer and meditation being a natural part of that relationship.  They'd experience: love, joy, peace, patience. goodness, kindness, gentleness and self control.  Those who walk honestly and humbly with God would naturally lead in their own unique way.  Yes, the Body of Christ worked out in reality.  Each person witnessing and experiencing faith in God's Word worked out.

Just for today...

"Eventually I felt more comfortable with my abilities and discovered talents I didn't know I had. I even began to feel capable of doing what was asked of me. Before I realized it, I was the one giving loving guidance. It took some time to see, but I had become a leader."  Hope for Today (p. 251)

September 3rd - Why not enjoy other people as they are?

The story...

I sat down at the table with only one person sitting there.  It seemed rude to squeeze in with my friends when this guy was by himself.  He seemed uncomfortable, with me sitting with him, yet appreciating the company.  Another guy sat with us too.  Neither of them seemed to want to listen to my take on the questions and topics posed to the group - they've heard me freely express my thoughts, ideas and will before.  So, I focused on better understanding each of them without stepping out to share my own perspectives which I've refined over the years.  The conversation was smooth and balanced - everybody seemed to win.  Better lifestyle practices were worked out - less preaching, pontificating or recommending.  It felt good for my behavior and intentions to be more aligned; yes, I seemed to be more true to me and to the group too.  I wanna live like that more often without trying - actually caring for others.  The bar seems low, easy to do, yet I expect even my most focused effort to change my behavior will take much longer than I imagine unless I "actually" love my neighbor as myself.

Teddy Roosevelt - A really good listener

The only church in town will be a place to develop meaningful relationships to walk through life with.  Most importantly, our relationship with "That in Which There is No Greater."

Just for today...

"I realized that there was little I could change about the situation. All I could change was my response to it."  Hope for Today (p. 247)

"What am I doing that creates difficulties for me or aggravates the ones I have? Could it be that I'm trying to fix everything by finding fault with somebody else?"  One Day at a Time (p. 247)

"Strive to be patient; bear with the faults and frailties of others, for you, too, have many faults which others have to bear. If you cannot mould yourself as you would wish, how can you expect other people to be entirely to your liking? For we require other people to be perfect, but do not correct our own faults." Tomas Kempis - The Imitation of Christ (Ch. 16)

September 2nd - Engage in community already - growing together is real good.

The story...

We rode our bicycles to Grand Haven and participated in the Coast Guard parade.  We seemed to fit in with our bike clothes as we squeezed along the parade route.  There were so... many people who seemed to have planned to feel and do good that day.  You could see and feel expectations of happiness with their decorations, sandwiches, red-white-blue clothes, and generally happy, gabby and cheering natures - throngs of like-minded people.  They were excited by the bands, small-floats, old-guys on small Cushman scooters, small lollipops, clowns, Coast Guard helicopters roaring overhead, and being together.  A woman threw me a stack of t-shirts that I passed out and wore - I felt engaged within the community.  I'm reexperiencing some of the joy and happiness as I recall the event.  Thank you Grand Haven - ya done real good!

I expected good and received that good along with the unexpected too.  I might've worried about how I'd be accepted by the group - possibly marginalized, or reexperiencing prior feelings of rejection.  The 44-mile bike ride had it's associated risks yet we accepted them.  What if the people I went with didn't want to do or go according to my will?  No, I was fully engaged in the "now," within community, and my self-focused will was virtually locked up - chained and left with the bikes next to that big tree.

Why not let down your guard and risk being kinder and engage in life already?  We might accept the risk of being amongst people with whom we might interact, learn, grow and experience the giving and receiving of love - together.  As for me and my house, the only church in town is the place where the good stuff of life's available 52 weeks per year.

Just for today...

"If I am expectant of good, it will surely come to me. Even the grace of courtesy gives rich immediate rewards in response . . . Concern, love and kindness on my part will be reflected in everything that takes place in my life." One Day at a Time (p. 246)

We all have a sort of reaction tolerance band.  Hyper reactions occur when I overreact and Hypo reactions occurs when I underreact.  Might widening that tolerance band minimize unhealthy reactions, to whatever the trigger, for the benefit of us all?

August 31st - Are you looking for a friend or a pet?

The story...

I use to have a difficult time maintaining friendships.  They took too much effort and I inevitably neglected the friendship - it'd sort of drift away.  I assumed that these drifting and changing relationships were natural and sort of like the ebbs and flow of life.  I may've neglected them when they ceased to provide me what I wanted or the other person wasn't who I wanted them to be.  Maybe they disagreed with my opinions or had dissimilar interests.  We were different.  Was I looking for a friend or a pet?

Why didn't I tend to accept people as unique individuals and enjoy the differences?  Did I really need to have them agree with me in order for them and me to be okay together?  Were my behaviors learned from my family or did I develop them over time as a sort of personal protection?  I don't know why I behaved that way I did but I do know that I am enjoying deeper relationships today - relationships that may be characterized as mutually respectful, honest, growing, and walking together towards...

Good place to develop friendships.

The only church in town will be a "rich" field for growing fruitful relationships.  You'll find people to walk alongside as you work out purposeful lives together - fruit bearing lives - more meaningful and loving relationships.

Just for today...

"I will not expect too much; this will shield me from being annoyed at little things that don't go just the way I wanted them to."  One Day at a Time (p. 244)

"I have often tried to change other people to suit my own desires. I knew what I needed, and if those needs weren't met, the problem was with the other person. I was looking for somebody who would always be there but wouldn't impose on me very much. Looking back, It's almost as if I were looking for a pet rather than a human being."  Courage to Change (p. 244)

"Perhaps you should try believing that I believe."  Hope for Today (p. 244)

August 29th - Expect little and be thankful for what you receive or what?

The story...

I was asked to help mentor a young man within a mentoring group of eight guys and eight adults.  We performed fun games where there was a win-lose component.  The leader asked that each boy rate their performance on three dimensions.  The first was how they did internally - "was I positive and truly engaged on the inside?"  The second was how they did externally - "did I work well with the others during the game?"  And third - "what was the actual score?"  I was surprised how each of the students contemplated as they assessed each dimension of their performance - they all seemed to truly get it.

Many of my disappointments have come from expecting too much.  And, many of my life victories have occurred, in part, by planning for the best.  How do I reconcile this tension between the two?  It's like a tug-of-war with each side pulling - a lot of tension.  Expect little or plan for the best and don't willingly accept failure?  Might we drop the rope and allow both to co-mingle and exist together.  Is life a win-lose battle in three dimensions: Internally, Externally, and the actual score?

Hope College: 119th annual Pull

I hope that the only church in town isn't a competitive environment - a place where each person, and the group that they are aligned with, is trying to win in the game of life.  One team pulling together against the other team(s)?  I hope not - this doesn't seem like the character of God as exhibited in the life of our Lord Jesus the Christ.  I expect that He plans for us to abide in Christ and bear fruit in all circumstances - together as the full-functioning Body of Christ - unity.  We need each other and for the Spirit of God to work out His will within each of us too.  We were created by God to be productive, enjoyed and loved too.

Just for today...

"How many of our frustrations and disappointments come from expecting too much! . . . Let me learn to settle for less that I wish were possible, and be willing to accept it and appreciate it. I will not expect too much of anyone, not even myself."  One Day at a Time (p. 242)

"Life can either be a burden and a chore or a challenge and a joy. One day at a time I can meet the challenges of life head-on instead of head-down."  Courage to Change (p. 242)

"I stopped trying to help her take care of herself, which also stopped the fights we had. I put the focus on myself, realizing that in my disease I didn't know where my mother ended and I began. Finding out who I was, apart from my mother, was my first challenge . . . Today my mother and I have an honest and loving relationship based on mutual respect for each other's boundaries. When we speak, I keep the focus on myself and share my experience, strength, and hope rather than telling her what to do."  Hope for Today (p. 242)

August 28th - Who are you?

The story...

The following chorus is from The Who's song "Who Are You."

Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

I really want to know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

Tell me who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

Because I really want to know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

A friend of mine surprisingly told me that they didn't grow up with likes or dislikes.  They didn't have a favorite color.  They hid in the shadows and got by - didn't feel valued. They're learning to know and care for who they are at a later stage of life.

My favorite: color was blue; number was 24; football team was the Iowa Hawkeyes; baseball team was the St. Louis Cardinals; olympic event(s) was the Decathlon; candy bar was the Butterfinger; and book was "Brighty of the Grand Canyon."

Bought my favorite book at Stuart School.

What will the only church in town preach regarding who you are?  You're a creature, created by God in His image for His glory - to praise Him and enjoy each other within a relationship based on faith in His revealed Word and great redemptive work.  The good news is that God provides the way for us, inherently selfish people, to walk humbly with God in Christ - through this life and throughout eternity too.  That is the best possible news - really good.  That's who I am!  I'm with Him in Christ!

Just for today...

"As I grew up it seemed that my parents couldn't see me at all. I felt invisible and voiceless. I had no ideas of my likes and dislikes, let alone what I would or would not accept in a relationship. I felt empty inside."  Hope for Today (p. 241)

We choose to be hurt by what people say or do - don't give them permission.  Remember who you are.

August 27th - DETATCHMENT

The story...

It was a hard and long process for me to form boy-girl relationships and they were even harder and longer to end.  Maybe I was expecting a level of love and attachment that wasn't reasonable or good for either of us.  How did I set expectations for my "true love" relationship?  I don't know the answer.  It's possible that they were good for an ideal world; yet, this world, and the people who work out their lives here, aren't ideal.

Do I need your help and approval in order to be okay?  If I say yes, then my level of "okayness" is tied to your "okayness" with both you and me - ugh.  If I say no, then I have the possibility of being okay with me and freeing you to be okay too.  Might we offer others the freedom and dignity to live out their own lives?

A helpful model came to me from Donald Miller's book "Scary Close," (pp. 206,207).  He illustrates a relationship with three floor pillows: my pillow, our relationship pillow, and your pillow.  The only person who steps on your pillow is you - your soul - same for my pillow.  Both of you can step on the middle pillow because you agreed to be in a relationship.

"Codependency happens when too much of your sense of validation or security comes from somebody else . . . What goes on in the other person's soul is none of your business. All you're responsible for is your soul, nobody else's. Regarding the middle pillow, the question is, 'What do I want in a relationship?' . . . What's going on in other people's minds is none of your business."

"Scary Close." My original notes

 What would the only church look like if they focused on the gospel, the good news, learning and living together and not on changing other people's minds?  Actually, working out their right relationship with God in Christ versus changing their minds related to the theology that "we" believe in?

Just for today...

"I wasn't really admitting my powerlessness or I wouldn't keep trying to control everyone or everything around me . . . Not my will but Your will."  Courage to Change (p. 240)

"...my skill in detaching rested on my ability to accept my own thoughts and feelings and to become comfortable with myself . . . Because my fate - my very life - was no longer tied directly to theirs, I was able to accept them for who they were and to listen to their ideas and concerns without trying to exercise control."  Hope for Today (p. 240)

"We are free to refuse to be hurt by a spiteful remark or malicious action. So the whole matter really rests with us. The choice of accepting or rejecting an offense is ours alone . . . What can words do to me unless I take them to heart?"  One Day at a Time (p. 240)

August 19th - Hang onto relationships loosely

The story...

It's best to hold a tennis racket and handlebars loosely - gripping too tightly over corrects and can take us where we don't wanna go quickly.  My first rides on my KLR in deep sand were out of control and scary.  What I learned about riding motorcycles in deep sand seems to apply to life too.

• Don't sit down - stay balanced on your feet
• Relax your mind and your body will follow - fight the urge to grip too hard
• Do your steering through your feet weighting the pegs.
• Maintain momentum - consistent throttle control
• When done right, it's like a dance - joyful.

If I look back twenty years, most of the people, places and things have changed.  They'd have changed no matter how hard I tried to keep them the way that I thought was best.   If I wouldn't have been open to new people, places, things, and ideas - I would've missed out on much of the joy of life.

I'm learning to hold onto relationships less tightly - they change and are best when they are freely offered and accepted.  Sometimes what I thought I wanted was not what they could actually give or accept. "Stay balanced and let them be."  They may choose to dance a similar dance as you yet not with you - that's okay.  Let them live their own life and enjoy the few close dance partners that you do have - be willing to let them go and be open to new ones too.

The only church in town will be a good place to develop life-giving relationships.  Hopefully, the relationships will be characterized as freely offered, graceful, forgiving, and changing too.  Your relationship with God through faith in Christ is obviously the most important.  He's the foundation for the best relationships - those dances that're part of a joyful life lived out in ever-changing circumstances.

Just for today...

Worrying is using your imagination to create a future you don't want.

August 17th - Our personality, a collection of habits with a few go-tos?

The story...

Being an storyteller helped me garner the interest and acceptance of other people.  I learned how to select the topic, grab their attention, inflect my voice, include humor, add color, keep the pace, and wow them with the finish. The habit may have started at our family dinner table - what worked there seems to have adapted and worked out into my personality.  I took my storyteller persona everywhere I went.

A good story teller isn't smarter, taller or better looking.  They don't play better basketball or trumpets.  And, they certainly aren't natural listeners or empathizers.  Sure, there were times that I "flexed" my style and was surprised at how good it felt to be a more whole person.  Then, I'd get hurt, withdrawal, heal alone, and then get back out there telling my stories. 

The college bar scene seemed to be a most wonderful place for me.  Storytellers are valued and relationship development was easy - most people are happy to see you enter the room.  When relationships got tough, I moved to a different group and place.  Yet, too much led to . . . and dysfunctional relationships.  Some of my friends couldn't balance learning and debauchery too - they dropped out of the race - the game.  

The textbook author advised me - he did the best he could.

In my super-senior year, when the college stuff was no longer new and full of possibilities, I listened to a football player who told me about what he heard within a group called: Fellowship of Christian Athletes.  I was surprised by his declaration of Christian principles worked out in the reality of his life - he was surprised too.  Then Steve and Marlene invited me to attend their campus church - they were the first people to earnestly invite me to a church in over four years.  It was real good - I wondered how my college experience might have been different if...

It would be easier to invite people to the only church in town - it would be the only option.  Please, earnestly invite somebody to church already.  It so... good to be free from the tyrannical rule of self.  Galatians (5:1)

Just for today...

"Many of us develop clever methods of surviving in . . . situation, such as denial or secrecy . . . What once allowed us to function in a nearly impossible situation is now an obstacle for further growth . . . Sometimes we must accept ourselves, defects and all, before those defects are removed."  Courage to Change (p. 230)

"Today I'll stop minding other people's business and create some business of my own to mind." Hope for Today (p. 230)

August 16th - Are close relationships worth it?

The story...

Where and when was I suppose to learn about the value of, and processes for, developing relationships?  I greatly valued my family but close relationships didn't happen there - I remained guarded and protected from each of them.  Didn't happen within grade school were I learned we were all different.  The neighborhood friends lasted a few years yet weren't very close.  Boy Scouts offered opportunities yet seemed to focus on activities, achievement and rewards.  They didn't happen at my local church - I assumed that the right people just weren't there.  I found closer relationships among band members and lunch-time friends yet they were situational and not very deep.  I didn't have the close boy-girl friend relationship in high school that some found.  The closer relationships that I developed during my college years were really important to me - I learned much about me and others there.  My hopes were set on that close relationship that I'd have with my future spouse - I looked forward to meeting her and growing our close relationship together.  

I'm so thankful for my relationship with my life partner.  We've grown much over the years.  I attribute much of our growth to the working of a right relationship as seen under God's bright Light.

Deer relationships - need each other?

Might the relationships we desire, to help us live a more full and satisfying life, be found within the only church in town?  You've had relationships with many people throughout your life; yet, those within a church will likely be somewhat different. There will be opportunities for: Casual friends who reflect community diversity and principles;  Close friends who you may walk side-by-side with toward the common goal;  Or, maybe a growing and deeper relationship with a spouse.  I hope that you would find your most satisfying relationship between you and your Creator - the One's that's best and lasts.

Just for today...

Were you looking for someone who meets your needs but expects little of you?  Maybe you were looking for a pet or a dog?

August 12th - Build together

The story...

The new furniture manufacturing job required leadership, managerial and individual contributor skills.  The role required project management, problem solving, extra time, learning, trusting, accountability, mentoring, encouragement, and a winner's mindset.  People were both watching and relying on me - I was a necessary part of something bigger.

After I adapted and better fit into the furniture building community, I deeply appreciated being part of the goal oriented organization.  I was most surprised at how much I enjoyed spending Saturday mornings with fellow co-workers as we bonded, rubbed shoulders, freely worked, laughed, listened, and more closely shared life together.  Sure, I was away from my home and family; yet, I was living and growing with other people while working towards a greater good - part of a productive community.  Those Saturday morning real-life experiences are precious to me now.

Built together

As we enter into the community of the only church in town, I hope that we'll find comfort, quiet and peace in reality - true rest.  It'll be a place where we seek to more honestly understand others and discover how we might best fit in.  Being quiet and listening with our ears, hearts, and spirits too - listening for opportunities - taking first steps.  Being okay with push back from others - letting them be. Walking humbly with the Lord our God. Truly, His aim and way is best by definition.

Just for today...

"...let me learn to accept things as they are, and stop manipulating them into changing. Let me look for a wiser approach to life from myself, not from other people."  One Day at a Time (p. 225)

August 7th - Reflecting, Is now more important than then?

The story...

If we're able to reflect upon our lives in eternity, which decade might we value the most?

• 1st, Grew, trusted and dependent on my parents, learned about my capabilities.
• 2nd, Entered relationships outside my family and community - chose a career.
• 3rd, Became more interdependent and lived more outside my family circle.
• 4th, Honed my career and tried to pass my values on to my kids.
• 5th, Accepted my physical decline and limitations - tried out my imagined best life.
• 6th, Living more self aware, valuing relationships, and appreciating peace and rest.
• 7th, ?

Maybe all the reflections of my life will fill my eternal eyes or heart with feeling, understanding and love.  Personally, I am so thankful for every part of life, especially the meaningful relationships.

Marmalade - Reflections Of My Life (1969) 

The only church in town wouldn't be perfect nor best meet anyone's needs and wants.  Each person is wonderfully unique and living within their own season of life.  I can only imagine how the Word of God, the Spirit of Christ, and loving relationships might work out both there and in eternity.

Just for today...

Trust God's revealed Word - it's best and everlasting..

Appreciate and value your close relationship(s) in actuality.

Be your own best friend, treat yourself good, be patient with you, and apply this source of strength towards loving others.  That's likely where the good stuff of life can be found.

July 29th - Live a peaceful or exciting life?

The story...

People in their 60's often tell me about the exciting things they want to do with their free time that wasn't available within the last few stages of life.  Attention to their duties of life prevented them from living the "good life" that they expect to experience with that RV, second house, doting on grand children, extended vacations, bigger barn, hobby, tower building, financial investments, physical endurance feats, novel writing, life trophy...  Now, they're "free" to live the good life - self actualizing.

Why was this "good life" not available to them during the bulk of their more productive and capable years?  I expect that this question is worthy of self reflection - getting to the root cause(s).

Some people seem to resent my vision of the "good life" - living a peaceful life humbly walking with God in the present - enjoying interactions with people, creation, and His presence.  Practicing loving the Lord my God with all my heart, mind and soul and my neighbor as myself.  That seems like a worthy overarching goal - a North Star.

I hope that people in the only church in town would be free to be honest with themselves and the reality of what God's revealed for us.  His Word says He desires to enjoy those whose hearts are His and that we can enjoy walking humbly with Him too in the midst of all life circumstances.  The pull of the actualities of people's lives into "the world" will continually challenge truths revealed in God's Word.  Yet, they'll witness the effects of "That Than Which There is No Greater."  Why not trust God and be thankful?

Just for today...

"Quiet can be achieved with complete silence, but if the silence has in it even a trace of anger or hostility, it loses all its power . . . Most angry words have no basis in logic or reason anyway, so why need they hurt me?"  One Day at a Time (p. 211)

July 27th - Are my boundaries helping me?

The story...

I've frequently bounced into other people's boundaries without a conscious understanding of what they were or why they were built.  Maybe a definitive book on boundaries, backed up by research, would be helpful.  The twelve chapter headings might be titled:

• Barbed wire
• Body armor
• Breakable
• Concrete
  
• Criticized
• Expanding
• God's
• Low
• Missing
• Movable
• Safety
• Transparent

Honestly, I need personal boundaries. It seems reasonable that I'd actually clarify them and review them periodically - I might even need a new one.  Boundaries seem to help us develop those healthy relationships that are key ingredients to the "good life." 

Yes, there'd be healthy boundaries within the only church in town.  People would be allowed to be themselves and grow at their own pace.  Visitors will likely enter the church with boundaries that help them cope with and work out their current lives.  Those boundaries will probably change as the Spirit of God penetrates their lives and as they grow within the safety and grace of God.

Just for today...

"I believed it was my responsibility to help others who could not or did no want to help themselves . . . Doing for other didn't allow them them to be responsible; it enabled them to be irresponsible. Caretaking robs others of the self-esteem that comes from struggling with and conquering the challenges that God has planned for their lives."  Hope for Today (p. 209)

"We must alter our lives in order to alter our hearts, for it is impossible to live one way and pray another."  William Law

July 26th - Why listen to them?

The story...

Some people, with peaceful hearts, do seem to love other people better and more naturally listen to them.  Yet, it seems that most people, who are primarily focused on themselves, have a hard time learning to listen well.  I experienced most of my life trying to be a good listener yet my mind naturally drifted back to me an what I wanted to communicate.  I practiced self-help listening methods to the point that most people would claim that I was a good listener.  The benefits of my efforts to try to be a good listener were illusive.  The truth was, I was more interested in me than them or what they had to say.

Manfred Mann's Earth Band (1976)

My heart has changed and I now do love other people more and truly want to understand them and their stories.  I believe it's a work of the Spirit of God in my life.  Praise God that I'm freer to love and be loved.

Why would I choose to return to a more self-focused life?  I greatly value my relationships and listening to better understand.  Seeking first to understand truly is an important part of both starting and growing relationships.

Yes, I'd choose to attend the only church in town, share the Word of God, and work out my faith with co-sojourners.  I am a Christ-one and will be no other.

Just for today...

"As a child in a _______ home, I wasn't encouraged to share my viewpoints. When I did, I didn't feel as though anyone was listening. Someone always ended up walking away hurt or angry. . .  I've learned not to use my authority to push my viewpoint or to punish someone for disagreeing with me. I've also learned to avoid controversy by listening and encouraging others to share their viewpoints when making decisions."  Hope for Today (p. 208)

"We can't seem to get around to thinking about what we may be doing that damages us. . . Do I seek relief from my resentments by retaliation, instead of forgiveness? . . .What shall it profit a man to be right if he thereby make an enemy?"  One Day at a Time (p. 208)

July 25th - What do we do when we don't get needed approval?

The story...

It felt good to receive good grades in elementary school.  It was easy to remember the assignment and recite it back to the teacher. John, Jill and I had the best memories in the class.  I could look at the letter grade on my paper and quickly compare it with those around me - I was better.  This changed in middle school - learning required more practice and there were more people. 

My seventh grade math class was situated in a trailer outside the school and the curriculum allowed kids to learn at their own pace.  When I got too far ahead, my teacher asked me to help those who were struggling.  I tried to help one particular guy, he seemed to resent my efforts and stole my set of colored pencils.  He and I were very different and naturally gravitated to different groups of 7th or 8th graders.  I sought respect within my academics and he from being like the cool "tough" kids.

I don't remember studying at home - I must've yet I don't remember it.  In high school, I took a strange sort of pride from never taking text books home - the academic role didn't seem to fit me anymore.  I made few attempts to please my teachers.  It was almost as though I rejected my teacher's authority before they rejected and "graded" me.  College was a similar experience yet most of the students in the engineering curriculum were naturally intelligent and motivated to learn.

It seems that we all desired approval yet I tended to reject the evaluators before they rejected me.   Yes, it seems I feared rejection and built a sort of protective shield.  I felt group acceptance by being the story-telling guy rather than working out and living out the more real and natural me.  

The only church in town would offer the grace necessary for loving people as they are.  People will feel more safe and loved when they take their masks off and find people who they can related to and grow with.  Might accepted and loved people more freely receive the love of God and His workings through other people? Yes they can!

Just for today...

"Why did I continue to deny my own feelings to gain someone's approval? . . . Was I able to face the real me behind the people-pleasing image?  Do I say what I mean and mean what I say?" Courage to Change (p. 207)

"As we abandon the role of accuser, judge and manager, the home climate shows marked improvement.  A pleasant, cheerful environment..."  One Day at a Time (p. 207)

July 22nd - Might we drop our cloaking shields to let in precious relationships?

The story...

I attended a week-night class, at our church, when I was 64.  I sat in the same seat next to three people who were significantly different from me.  Each evening, the leader would break us into small groups to answer two questions.  The second question normally opened the opportunity for our "guards" to be dropped so that we might listen more closely to each other's inner person - their heart.   As you might guess, we became good friends and I love each of them more deeply than most people at our church.  These three relationships were an unexpected blessing to me.

There were other people in the class who I've known much longer than my three new friends.  I don't share the same type of relationship with them.  I probably could but I don't.

Thankfully I stayed curious + made friends

The only church in town would be a place where it might seem normal for a person to meet another co-sojourner and ask earnestly "how's your heart today?"  And, you might perform a 3-sec.self-inventory and respond that you are both thankful and joyful despite the circumstances that you're currently experiencing.

Just for today...

"I don't have to like everybody, but I want to look deeper to find the spirit that we share in common . . . I will keep an open mind toward each person I encounter today. If I am ready to learn, anyone can be my teacher."  Courage to Change (p. 204)