March 17th - "Live and Let Live"

The story...

"Live and let live" is a life giving saying that suggests that we mind our own business and allow others the dignity and respect to live their own lives.  This frees us up from the burdens of "trying" to live out other people's lives - a burden that was never ours to carry.

My house has a deck out back with floodlights mounted under the eave.  I enjoy working there when the weather's nice - the floodlight above my head.  In the spring, invariably, a robin will attempt to build a nest above the flood light.  It was my habit to remove the nest, in various stages of build, three or even four times, before they gave up and moved elsewhere.  In 2021, I chose to practice "live and let live" and accommodate the robin.  I moved my "work" chair and endured the momma's chirping as she instinctually protected her chicks.  We even replanned gatherings that'd need the deck space.  Embarrassingly, I bragged about this good deed to all who would listen - "oh... what a proud man I can be."  One day, when the chicks were about ready to leave the nest, I witnessed a barred owl swoop down to the nest and swallow all the chicks.  My emotions ran deep.

What's the moral of the story?  Kill the barred owls!  Please don't, I love 'em.  Two of them are hooting "who cooks for you" as I write.  Do you "live and let live" at the risk of hurt and pain?  For me, I'll continue to "live and let live" but I'm also going to remove even the first twig from that lamp - I know better.  The barred owls in the woods are real.

Would the people of the only church in town be allowed the freedom to live out their own lives with dignity and respect?  I hope the answer is yes. Surely, we all need to be heard and  occasionally helped along our way.  Allowing people the freedom to live out their own lives in a risky world seems worthy.  Who knows what might happen as God works through the people of the only church in town.

Just for today...

"Before anyone else can pick up the ball, I need to be willing to drop it."   Hope for Today (p. 77)

"Difficult situations often bring out qualities in us that otherwise might not have risen to the surface, such as courage, faith, and our need for one another." Courage to Change (p. 77)

"Dear eat Hosta; Plant it still. - It will grow; this I will."
"Hosta pops up; This I admire - Hosta stubs remain; Why's it so?"   Am I a Poet?

March 11th - Try or commit?

The story...

I expect that I should give credit for this "learning" to the person who showed me.  However, somebody shared it with him - who knows where it originated.  

The scenario: you ask for someone in the group to commit to completing an assignment.  They respond that they'll "try" to have it done by next Monday.  You take a dollar bill from your wallet and present it in front of them and you say: "try to take this dollar bill."  They pull it out of your hand and you say "No, I said 'try' to take it out of my hand - you actually took it out of my hand."  The receiver may say "huh?" and you repeat the exercise with them a few times before they internalize the idea.  "Try" means that you may or may not accomplish the task and have made no commitment.  Teams work best when people will to do what they say.  I frequently facilitated meetings where people, who were tempted to "waffle" on a commitment, would change their mind when I merely reached for my wallet and they recalled the value of commitment.

"Try to take this from my hand."

I expect that the people within the only church in town would represent the full community.  Each would be at a different stage of their lives.  Together, they'd have all they need to work out the will of God for them, their church, and their community - trusting God with the outcomes.  Each would grow working side by side towards a common aim.  Rather than try, they'd work out their faith together in actualities.  Each person safely in Christ and uniquely qualified to contribute accordingly.

Just for Today...

"My friend and I resolve that in the future we will try less, accept more, and let go of our impatience, self-criticism, and self-hatred.  We take a deep breath and say, "Help me, God."  Courage to Change (p. 71)

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor; for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up!" Ecclesiastics 4:9,10 (NASB)

"Help needed; Failure hurts - Look away; Opportunity lost."  Am I a Poet?

March 5th - Wring Out the Value

The story...

The scene from long-long ago, I'm sitting at a conference table with a man from Hong Kong.  He's explaining plans for a new high-rise office building to replace their existing building.  I'm attentive - I'd heard stories about the "buzz" that characterized Hong Kong - I wanted to experience it too.  He explained that the building was being replaced to improve area traffic flow.  Large buildings are obviously expensive so this surprised me.  Why would they do such a thing?  They were replacing it for the benefit of the whole community.  Then I ask: "How old is the existing building?"  His answer shocked me: "It's seven or eight years old."   

I was reminded of the Hong Kong story when enjoying ice sculptures that were shown in the heart of my home town. They'd already begun to melt.  They also offered value to me and the community who chose to observe them.  Yet their expected life span was counted in hours.

How long might the only church in town last?  Buildings and their "value added" come and go.  Yet, I hope that the people who congregate there will "wring out" all of the value within until...

Just of today... 

"I used to believe thinking was the highest function of human beings . . . I now realize loving is our supreme function..."  Hope for Today (p.65)

A wise friend offered me the following good advice: When a thought takes hold of your mind and shows signs of becoming obsessive thinking; stop, allow four minutes to reflect on what's true about it and then decide if something truly needs to be done on your part.  If not, continue on living. 

"Let go of the things you don't need to open up room for your strengths, skills, and feelings to become more fully part of your life."   Courage to Change (p. 65)

"Nice place to be; Maybe I'll camp here - It gives way; Slipping into otherness."  Am I a Poet?

January 17th - Working out life from a new tool box...

 The story...

Long ago over dinner in Bethel Maine, a woman from Xerox gave me advice - it stuck.  I've shared this advice with 100's of people and I don't even remember her name.  Everybody seemed to understand the advice and its application too.  I'd recently been promoted from engineer to engineering manager.  She explained the difference between the two tool boxes that I had at my disposal.  The old set that served me well and the new set that I'd need to better "lead" and "manage" the group.  Surely, it was wise to oil, and occasionally apply, the tools in the old box; yet, the new set must be developed and augmented to leverage the group towards...

I tried leading this group long ago - thank you "Murray House" 

Strangely, I sense a need to cleanup and change the tool box that I've been using for the last ten years.  Here are seven tools that I think I need to add or dust off, oil, and use more frequently:  

• "Bigger" Ears:  Listen to others without opinion or thoughts of fixing, managing, or controlling.
• Get Out the Door: Move from thinking about to doing more readily - take that first step.
• Thankfulness:  Within my prayers, activities, & relationships - on both "Light" & "Dark" days.
• Exercise & Stretch:  Enable my body to go where He and I will to go...
• Invest:  Build up others & thoughtfully transfer what I have to 'em too.
• Keep the End in Mind - Be eternally focused and earthly good too.
• Honest in Self Assessment: Remain humble - focused on the glory of God.

The only church needs you to work out your life with 'em.  You need 'em too even though it may currently be a latent need.  Bring your toolbox and be ready to work out your life with 'em.  Once there, you may find the need to add a tool, pick up an old tool, or replace your tool box with a new one that...

Just for today...

"I will make myself learn to use a new set of tools: tolerance, kindness, patience, courtesy, love and humor - and a firm determination to do what is necessary to improve my life."  One Day at a Time (p. 17)

"I often restrain myself for fear that others will misunderstand and criticize me."  Hope for Today (p. 17)

January 16th - Doing the right thing according to what's right

The story...

The snow was deep, the temperature was cold, and I counted 18 deer outside my house - I'd seen more.  They seem to be eating many plants that they didn't eat in the past - they're hungry.  They're reaching higher on the bushes and even nibbling on the Myrtle ground cover.  I was told that the neighbor who fed the deer died within the last year.  The person who told me about her death also shared that the DNR notified her that she had to stop feeding them a few months before she died.  

There are reasons for not feeding the deer and the DNR was right for enforcing the law; yet, the problem remains.  Years ago, I chose to stop getting angry at deer for eating or people for feeding.  Being angry seems to just leave you angry with damage to your heart both literally and figuratively.  Who wants to be an angry man?  I could nag at the authorities, complain along with my neighbors, shoosh the deer away each time they threaten my landscape...   I don't know what's best for the deer over-population situation and don't plan on developing my own personal opinion that I'll defend against all others.  As a citizen of my Township, I did discuss the situation with authorities, learn about available solutions, and found out what deer control plans were underway.

Our neighborhood deer on a better day

I'm glad I took the time to "Think" about the deer problem today.  The course of action that I've decided upon seems reasonable and right according to the principles that I live by - the type that seems to define us.  The only church in town will live by principles revealed within the Word of God - they were established by the One who created the earth, the cold, the deer, and me too.  I plan on living my life out according to those principles alongside my neighbors within the only church in town.

Just for today...

". . .  when my opinion about another person's business has not been requested, I take the time to "Think" before getting involved."  Courage to Change (p. 16)

November 13th - What's important now?

The story...

I was busy being a Dad, Husband, Boss, Subordinate, Peer, Son, Brother, Coach, Volunteer, Friend, Head-of-the-Household and Good Man.  Everything wasn't getting done and I needed a new plan and perspective.  What do I do first?  Do I work on a chunk of my most important long term goal or do I complete a simple less-important task to quickly remove one from my long list?  I was taking an Engineering Management course at the time that introduced me to the "Eisenhower Matrix."  It was a diagram that helped me make sense of this "time management" dilemma - it was also easy to share and explain to others.

The Eisenhower Matrix

I wrote my top priorities and related tasks on my white board for both me and all others who might want to spend my time differently.  When I needed a break, I completed a few urgent non-important tasks from my in-box.  On Saturday mornings, I threw away a weeks worth of unimportant tasks from the bottom of my in-box - eventually those requesting them gave up or did 'em themselves.

An unexpected outcome, of my behavior change, was that other people took notice and set similar priorities.  The important was getting the attention and results they deserved.  Those generating unimportant tasks either eliminated the tasks or accepted the authority and responsibility for getting them done themselves.  The culture was changing and some of it began with me - along with a little help from those who came before me and my professor coach.

The most important priority, within the only church in town, will be walking rightly with God (Micah 6:8).  Other activities will have a lesser importance.  People will focus on the main thing and not major on the minor things that often results in a wandering self-focused life.

Just for today...

"...things that are urgent are rarely important, and the things that are important are rarely urgent . . . If I imagine I am in a dark room and that God is my only source of light, then my best hope for navigating around the furniture will be to bring that source of light with me."  Courage for Today (p. 318)

If you work on your mind with your mind, how can you avoid confusion?

October 10th - Decide what's your part - trust God with the rest

The story...

An issue jumps into my conscious mind from who knows where - nudging me to ponder it before stuffing it back into a corner in hope that it'll be forgotten.  It's kind of like how I use my ping-pong table in my basement.  A staging area for stuff that I'm currently working on or haven/t yet decided if and where to store.  Some might best be dispositioned to a charity for people who actually need them.  Others may be restored and placed where they can be found when needed.  The clutter "takes its toll."

Some of the issues that I don't trust God with become worries that only cause me and others strife.  I'm capable of ruminating and imagining these worries into possible realities that'll never see the light of day.  If I worry, I suffer some of the consequences that may never come into fruition.  Worse yet, my efforts to fix, manage, and control situations are often doomed due to my limited capabilities, resources, and understanding of what might be.  

The only church in town will work out their lives together walking with God, believing His revealed Word, and trusting Him with the results.  Yet, church activities might look even messier than my ping-pong table.  But, they'll allow for the bright light of God's revealed truth on that messy table.  They'll decide what stays in play, what's rebuilt or improved, what gets put away, what's given away, what's repurposed, and what's discarded.

What's on your ping-pong-table?

Just for today...

"Without faith in a power greater than myself, I am like a storm-tossed ship without a rudder. I am flung from one trouble to another; however bravely I may battle the elements, my own strength and wisdom are not enough."  One Day at a Time (p. 284)

"...when I'm feeling insane, I'm forgetting my powerlessness and trying to control outcomes or other people . . . I try to get my own way."  Hope for Today (p. 284)

"I can't make life unfold according to my plans, I can admit my powerlessness and turn to God for help."  Courage to Change (p. 284)

October 9th - Do your part and trust God with the rest

The story...

I received an e-mail that encouraged me to better participate in this years group meetings by coming to the weekly meeting less preoccupied with other thoughts and cares.  They suggested the following method to better prepare for group activities:

"Get out a piece of paper and write down everything on your mind. Write down anxieties, distractions, expectations of the evening, plans for tomorrow, and anything else consuming your thoughts. Getting our mind-clutter out and onto the page frees us to focus on one another."

Since I was planning on attending a meeting that evening, I intentionally identified the things that were weighing on my mind so that I might more freely focus on others, receive their messages, reflect more deeply, and to be more sensitive to the Spirit of God too.  Instead of writing each one down, I went out to my drive way and shot baskets.  

First, I identified what was true about the situation.  Second, I acknowledged my part.  Third, voiced my responsibility.  Fourth, decided what related actions I'd take.   And finally, trusted God to work out the rest in the truly best way according to His will.  The whole process seemed right, fruitful, and a good lifelong habit.  As you might expect, I participated in the meeting in a more attentive, balanced, and supportive way - more engaged.

The only church in town will focus on the reality of God's will and presence in creation, history, the "now," our lives, and the future too.  If God wills something to be done then it'll be done.  Yet, if He is going to work His will out through us, we must be obedient and aligned with Him and His will.  That's where I want to be.

Just for today...

"I use my intellect instead of my emotions before responding. I detach from the person or situation until I can calm down and think rationally."   Hope for Today (p. 283)

"I'm willing to stop fighting reality, to stop trying to do God's part, and to do my own . . . I am free to live my own life, safe in the knowledge that God is taking care of the world, my loved ones, and myself."  Courage to Change (p. 286)

"...confuse not the business of others with your own."  One Day at a Time (p. 283)

October 7th - Engage in life an be

The story...

The movie Top Gun asked the lead character "Maverick" to engage in life for the benefit of himself, his team, the Navy, and for his country too.  The circumstances of life were changing around him as he lost his best friend and co-pilot who trusted him.  He even rejected the woman who risked loving him the best she could.

He even says "Jesus Christ," albeit flippantly, in dismay as he faces the enemy, failures, and community rejection.  He reengages, drops his stinking thinking, and defeats the enemy using his God-given talents.  He becomes the man he could be - victory won.

Movie - Top Gun - "Engage Maverick!"

There'll be many reasons to disengage from the imperfect only church in town.  Stay engaged!  If self is relentlessly holding you back from loving yourself, loving other people, and loving the Lord your God with all your heart mind and soul then act on the gospel - the good news.  Engage in the life you were Willed to live already.

Just for today...

"The invitation to live life fully is offered to me each day. I can accept the pace of change today, knowing it will bring both times of active involvement and periods of quiet waiting. I will let surprises of the day open up before me."  Courage to Change (p. 281)

October 3rd - Self awareness and feelings

The story...

"Why did I do that? . . . Why do I make so many mistakes? . . . Why didn't I do that good thing? . . . Why am I not motivated to take action? . . . Why did they reject me? . . . Why didn't I complete my assignment? . . . Why didn't I speak up? . . . Why didn't I keep my mouth shut and listen? . . . Why can't I be like them?"   

Self awareness is a good thing - some say it's what makes us human.  Thinking about thinking allows us to grow, adapt, improve and even survive.  Yet, wrong self thinking can lead us into self-defeating spirals that take us down rat holes where precious life can be wasted.

WSJ 09/09/23 (p. C1)

Similarly, we can dwell on our feeling in unproductive ways.  Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey did a good job in their article, "The Power to Decide How You Feel," of describing how we might: be more aware of our thoughts and feelings, decide what's true about them, take action when needed, and then disposition them for what they really are -  "...understanding that emotions are signals to your conscious brain that something is going on that requires your attention and action."  Feelings can be a wonderful sensing mechanism that our self-aware mind can use to further understand reality to better both act and be.  "I am not this anger. It will not manage me or make my decisions for me."

The only church in town will shine the Light of God on what's truly valuable and lasting - stuff we can't hold in our hands. 

Just for today...

"I will spend more time with myself in this lifetime than with anyone else. Let me learn to be the kind of person I would like to have as a friend."  Courage to Change (p. 277)

"I tried to manipulate and control everybody in my life to change the shape of their personalities to suit mine. I even attended workshops so I could make changes happen . . . Instead of spending time with people and situations where I don't fit, I can look for ones that I do."  Hope for Today (p. 277)

"Chronic stress often leads to maladaptive coping mechanisms in modern life. These include the misuse of drugs and alcohol, rumination on the sources of stress, self-harm, and self-blaming. These responses don't just fail to provide long-term relief they can further compound your problems through addiction, depression, and increased anxiety. What these coping techniques do is try to change the outside world - at least as you perceive it."  Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey, "The Power to Decide How You Feel" Wall Street Journal, 9/09-10/23 (p. C1).

October 2nd - Does your constitution justify your "just doing it?"

The story...

The USA Supreme Court protects and interprets our constitution.  Who protects my constitution?  I guess it's me.  Should I just do it, think about it, or write in on my to-do list?  Some things must be planned yet some things are acted on as a matter of habit or principle.  Within my constitution, can I, or should I, just do it?  I understand my constitution to be principles, or precedents, for how I manage my life - how I make decisions and act on them in accordance with who I am.  Take a look at my bookmark I crafted and laminated in the 1990s - it speaks to being versus doing.  

This purpose statement is helpful yet it doesn't seem to be a constitution for how I might make daily decisions.   The following are a few ideas about the choices that I expect to make today, on my birthday, and record the principle(s) that seems to actually be driving them.  Might this be a reasonable way to write my constitution as opposed to a lofty set of ideas that I'd like to be true about me?

Make and drink coffee - Live in a supportive and comfortable environment - self-care.

Put on an old blue button-down-collar shirt - Love in storge sort of way - self-care - self-respect.

Bring my momma a donut at her new independent living place - Be kind to family and community.

Enjoy lunch with a best friend - Share and grow with good friends.

Close Exercise ring on my Apple Watch - Work toward goals - self-care.

Write in my blog - Better understand "what's going on" and share too.

Tweak my investment choices - Plan and prepare for the future.

Prepare for 1st BSF group meeting - Learn and grow with other men.

Pray and meditate - Work out my relationship with God in Christ.

Answer birthday wish visits and phone calls - Build kind, growing, and loving relationships.

Greet people on the bike path - Love and receive love.

Afternoon nap - Be kind to me.

Eat meals - Care for me and be happy.

Organize basement - Simplify for me and others too.

The only church in town will likely have a written purpose statement and constitution.  I hope that each member of this "called out group of people" would have their own constitution too and that the two would flow congruently.

Just for today...

"I felt afraid of doing the job incorrectly and being criticized, but I accepted it anyway. My fears were quelled because criticism never came . . . 'I can, I can, I can! And I do.'"  Hope for Today (p. 276)

October 1st - Do I know what I want or need?

The story...

"Oooooh  If she knew what she wants

(He'd be giving it to her)  If she knew what she needs

(He could give her that too)  If she knew what she wants

(But he can't see through her)  If she knew what she wants

He'd be giving it to her  Giving it to her

But she wants everything  (He can pretend to give her everything)

Or there's nothing she wants  (She don't want to sort it out)

He's crazy for this girl  (But she don't know what she's looking for)

If she knew what she wants  He'd be giving it to her

Giving it to her  I'd say her values are corrupted

But she's open to change  Then one day she's satisfied

And the next I'll find her crying  And it's nothing she can explain

If she knew what she wants  (He'd be giving it to her)

If she knew what she needs  (He could give her that too)

If she knew what she wants  (But he can't see through her)

If she knew what she wants  He'd be giving it to her

Giving it to her (giving it to her)  Some have a style

That they work hard to refine  So they walk a crooked line

But she won't understand  Why anyone would have to try

To walk a line when they could fly  No sense thinking I could rehabilitate her

When she's fine, fine, fine  She's got so many ideas traveling around in her head

She doesn't need nothing from mine  If she knew what she wants

(He'd be giving it to her)  If she knew what she needs

(He could give her that too)  If she knew what she wants

(But he can't see through her)  If she knew what she wants

He'd be giving it to her  Giving it to her

But she wants everything  (He can pretend to give her everything)

Or there's nothing she wants  (She don't want to sort it out)

He's crazy for this girl  (But she don't know what she's looking for)

If she knew what she wants  He'd be giving it to her

Giving it to her  (He'd be giving it to her)

(He could give her that too)  (But he can't see through her)

Ooooooh  Giving it to her  Giving it to her now."

Susanna Hoffs and the Bangles: "If she knew what she wants."

We'll find people within the only church in town who're trusting God to meet essential needs.  Yes, we might trust God and bear real fruit - the kind of stuff we need.  Now, I desire His Will and want to be okay in Christ - praise God.

Just for today...

"When we bring things out into the light, they lose their power over us."  Courage to Change (p. 275)

"Few of us know what we really want, and none of us knows what is best for us. That knowledge remains, in spite of all our determined resistance, in the hands of God."  Hope for Today (p. 275)

"... when we are strong we are always much greater than the things that happen to us, and the soul of a man who has found himself is like a deep sea in which there may be many fish: but they never come up out of the sea, and not one of them is big enough to trouble its placid surface. His "being" is far greater than anything he feels or does."   Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island (p. 125)

September 17th - If not now - when?

The story...

I've got no plans for today until about 5:00pm.  Actually, I'm writing my blog at the same time that I normally do, and I'm drinking my coffee made the same way that I normally do.  My newspaper will arrive about the same time that it normally does and my Apple watch will gently remind me that I'll need to stay active to close my stand-move-exercise goals. I'll check my financial investments and likely make at least one change; then, I'll walk around our property picking up limbs and noticing changes.  I'm interim fasting so I expect that I'll greatly enjoy my lunch again today.  I've a to-do list sitting next to my recliner that lists projects that I may choose to work on - I looked at it and now plan to change my health-care plan today which'll take one-to-two hours.  I'll greet my spouse with love when she walks into the main room and we'll enjoy each other's company.  There's time to work out and enjoy my relationships within this day - with God and with others: close friends, neighbors, acquaintances, and people I've never met before.

What, within my power, might I change now that'd have the greatest impact on both me and others?  For me it'd be more fully resting within my relationship with God in Christ - freely meeting with God today in prayer - centering in on fundamental truths.  Honestly assessing myself with my heart praising the glory of God.  Living hopefully with all peace and joy (Romans 15:13).

The only church in town will be a place where all people, in almost every stage of life, will be welcome.  There'll be customs, rules, habits and expectations that'll be agreed to; yet, they'll not be a burden - they'll provide a good environment and point them towards the good life safe in Christ.

Just for today...

"I had to find a positive behavior to replace the fretting. Today if I catch myself worrying, I write down my specific fears, no matter how preposterous they may seem. Once I get them out of my mind and fix them on paper, I ask God to show me which ones are real and which are imagined."  Hope for Today (p. 261)

"I do have a power, a God-given one, and that is power over my own mind, emotions and reactions. If I exercise that power wisely, the problems outside of me will work out without my interference."  One Day at a Time (p. 261)

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now - when?"   Rabbi Hillel (Pirkei Avot 1:14)

"Pirkei Avot, which translates to English as Chapters of the Fathers, is a compilation of the ethical teachings and maxims from Rabbinic Jewish tradition. It is part of didactic Jewish ethical literature. Because of its contents, the name is sometimes given as Ethics of the Fathers." Wikipedia

September 9th - Where do I go if I don't need to go anywhere?

The story...

Being a relatively young retiree, I've time, resources and capabilities that are ready to go.  The big question is: where do I go if I don't need to go anywhere?  Here's an attempt to list the decision criteria that I might use in no particular order.  Will doing it:

• benefit me in the future?
• help me feel better?
• give me something to be proud of?
• help relive my unwanted feelings?
• be with people I'm comfortable being around?
• make me more secure physically or financially?
• give me something to talk about?
• glorify and honor God and His Word?
• help me remember "better" times?
• fulfill my obligations, or promises, to other people?
• occupy my mind so that I won't be thinking, or dwelling on, negative thoughts?
• hurt me or diminish my capabilities?
• help me to love and be loved?
• teach me something new?
• fulfill a latent need or want?

Not surprisingly, only one was not primarily about me - it's highlighted in bold.  Personally, I want to walk through my life journey humbly and justly with God - Micah 6:8.  I say "yes" to a life with choices that leads to a productive and peaceful life where "we" might experience true joy, Romans 15:13.

The only church in town will offer power, peace, rest, and hope amidst all circumstances.  A respite where we might set our focus from ourselves to our Lord and Savior - a loving Father (Abba).

Just for today...

"Am I using my capabilities well? Do I recognize and appreciate all I have to be grateful for? Actually I am the possessor of unlimited resources."  One Day at a Time (p. 253)

"Does my face look calm? Don't be fooled. I'm just afraid to let you see the truth. You might think I'm foolish or weak. You might reject me. So I don't talk, and the pain remains." Courage to Change (p. 253)

"... I don't have to respond to the face of anger. I don't have to explain my motives to an irrational person." Hope for Today (p. 253)

August 30th - A pearl of wisdom: substitute "What if" with "Even if."

The story...

They asked me to participate in a group activity that was new to me - there was nothing particularly challenging or demanding on my part.  They didn't say what we'd actually be doing - they just said "give it a try, come along, it'll be fun."  How would it go?   I was a bit uneasy with the unknowns - there was no particular cause that I could put my finger on.  Maybe my discomfort came from my not knowing what to expect or subliminal fears of failure, rejection, or disrespect.

Who taught me to set expectations for future events and to evaluate them regarding how they either met or didn't meet my expectations?   Actually, a wise mentor helped me develop a practice of evaluating business' activities or projects - was it better, the same, or worse than I expected and why?  

"What if they treat me bad, what will I do?" may be substituted with "Even if they treat me bad, I'll be okay and true to who I am."  Setting "bad" expectations is different than expecting little and appreciating the good that's actually experienced - the former seems foolish and the later seems wiser.

The only church in town will offer opportunities to engage in the lives of other people within the Body of Christ and the community at large too.  There the light of God's word can be learned - it shines on our hearts and activities to better see "what's going on."  What's going on includes sowing and reaping the good fruit of life.

Just for today...

"I will not expect too much; this will shield me from being annoyed at little things that don't go just the way I wanted them to."  One Day at a Time (p. 244)

"'Perhaps you could try believing that I believe,' I decided to to lean on _____ until I could develop some of my own."  Hope for Today (p. 244)

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them to fit our own image."   No man is an Island, Thomas Merton

August 29th - Expect little and be thankful for what you receive or what?

The story...

I was asked to help mentor a young man within a mentoring group of eight guys and eight adults.  We performed fun games where there was a win-lose component.  The leader asked that each boy rate their performance on three dimensions.  The first was how they did internally - "was I positive and truly engaged on the inside?"  The second was how they did externally - "did I work well with the others during the game?"  And third - "what was the actual score?"  I was surprised how each of the students contemplated as they assessed each dimension of their performance - they all seemed to truly get it.

Many of my disappointments have come from expecting too much.  And, many of my life victories have occurred, in part, by planning for the best.  How do I reconcile this tension between the two?  It's like a tug-of-war with each side pulling - a lot of tension.  Expect little or plan for the best and don't willingly accept failure?  Might we drop the rope and allow both to co-mingle and exist together.  Is life a win-lose battle in three dimensions: Internally, Externally, and the actual score?

Hope College: 119th annual Pull

I hope that the only church in town isn't a competitive environment - a place where each person, and the group that they are aligned with, is trying to win in the game of life.  One team pulling together against the other team(s)?  I hope not - this doesn't seem like the character of God as exhibited in the life of our Lord Jesus the Christ.  I expect that He plans for us to abide in Christ and bear fruit in all circumstances - together as the full-functioning Body of Christ - unity.  We need each other and for the Spirit of God to work out His will within each of us too.  We were created by God to be productive, enjoyed and loved too.

Just for today...

"How many of our frustrations and disappointments come from expecting too much! . . . Let me learn to settle for less that I wish were possible, and be willing to accept it and appreciate it. I will not expect too much of anyone, not even myself."  One Day at a Time (p. 242)

"Life can either be a burden and a chore or a challenge and a joy. One day at a time I can meet the challenges of life head-on instead of head-down."  Courage to Change (p. 242)

"I stopped trying to help her take care of herself, which also stopped the fights we had. I put the focus on myself, realizing that in my disease I didn't know where my mother ended and I began. Finding out who I was, apart from my mother, was my first challenge . . . Today my mother and I have an honest and loving relationship based on mutual respect for each other's boundaries. When we speak, I keep the focus on myself and share my experience, strength, and hope rather than telling her what to do."  Hope for Today (p. 242)

August 23rd - Wait . . . there is something wrong with them . . . they might need help?

The story...

Along with other retired people, I sometimes drive around town on weekdays between 10am and 11am.  Some days, I forget and become frustrated with slow and unexpected driving maneuvers.  The feelings drive me to say, in my mind, something like: "Is there something wrong with you?"  Strangely, that's the first part of a better more heartfelt question:  "Is there something wrong with you, and how might I help and love ya neighbor?"

We know that everybody has strengths and weaknesses.  Even the most saintly servant of God has a sin nature that motivates them to make sub-optimal, self-satisfying, decisions and maneuvers.  Some aren't capable or ready to do better and they need our help.

The only church in town will honestly preach the reality of our life in Christ - right and safe with God in Christ.  Lasting peace and purpose will be found there amidst life's circumstances.  They need you there and you might just be loved there too.

A good friend suffered here alone; yet, he wasn't alone.

Just for today...

"I developed a tremendous fear of making mistakes. It seemed crucial to cover every possible outcome, because mistakes often led to an avalanche of accusations and abuse from . . . and eventually from myself . . . When I stop struggling to be perfect and admit when I am wrong, I can let go of my guilt and shame."  Courage to Change (p. 236)

August 5th - I needed to be asked.

The story.,.

Ottumwa, Iowa was my hometown - about 30,000 people.  My employment options were limited yet I really appreciated and learned much from both my paper routes and my job as a drug-store delivery boy.  There were other kids whose jobs had different pay, hours, relationships, and location.  Yet, I was thankful for the job that I had.  I knew both people who had the jobs before me and they both asked me if I'd like to have the job. 

Yes, I'm comfortable with my life patterns and often do need to be asked to make changes.  After I'm asked, accept, and learn my new role, I often ask myself, why did I need to be asked?  Was I really free to choose before being asked?  Was I behaving complacently without accurately assessing my condition and environment?  Was I really self aware as to what was going on?

Since people in the USA are free to move within the country, it's reasonable to assume that our current job and community is not the best possible fit; however, relationships are real, valuable, and are lost with each job or community shift.

My current home in Western Michigan is great and I've no plans of leaving.  What if someone asks me to switch communities in order to fulfill a new job or role?  Would I be sensitive enough to the Will of God that I'd choose the better life-course correction?

Switching churches won't be a problem when there's only one church in town; yet, the decision to trust God and engage in the church community will be a big one for every soul who enters their doors.  Their imagined self, that they've crafted and adapted throughout their life, will be at risk there.  They'll hear about a better-to-best life where they can be free to be their truer selves. "It was for freedom that Christ set us free."  Galatians 5:1

Just for today...

"No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched."  George Jean Nathan

"As with every other aspect of my life, I didn't believe I deserved better."  Hope for Today (p. 218)

August 1st - I've come far and I'm not going back.

The story...

Twelve of the positive changes I've enjoyed during the past few years include: 

• Less forming or sharing opinions for what I think is "best' for them
• Less scratching my metaphorical uncomfortable "itches" with food, activities, games, alcohol etc.
• More frequent prayer and quiet meditation - enjoying more peace and rest
• Seeking to understand others before being understood - it's more natural now
• Accepting reality as opposed to developing and arguing for what oughta be
• Abiding in a state of rest and peace as opposed to one of amped-up emotions
• Consciously setting and relaxing personal boundaries
• Living more in the present and obsessing less about the past and future
• Saying no without an obligation or need to explain myself
• Communicating my message once - resisting the urge to convince others with repetition
• Loving more and accepting love from others
• Valuing and building closer, less-guarded, relationships

"+" life change decisions like being strong

There were reasons I behaved differently than the above.  I've refused temptations to revert to my past ways when triggered by whatever - I don't intend to go back.  Praise God for the changes that He seems to have worked into my life both directly and through those who are His.  Why choose to revert to a less fruitful life?  You know the answer.

People attending the only church in town will witness the Word of God worked out through other's lives.  They'll be more conscious of what their life is and what it might be.  They'll learn to trust God.

Oh the vastness of God and His creation - I can only imagine.  We're His creatures and He's the Creator.  I hope that all men will choose to abide in Christ - safe in the hands of God.

Just for today...

"I do not respond well when someone tries to impose their will on me; why have I tried  to impose my will on those around me?  There is only one person I'm responsible for, and that is me."  Courage to Change (p. 214)

"Little by little I can change my world - not by escaping to a new one with the same old me, but by making a new me out of the old one."  One Day at a Time (p. 214)

"My spirit is set free each time I take the risk  to express myself to people who understand how I think and feel."  Hope for Today (p. 214)

July 31st - If stronger triceps muscles help then how might...

The story...

It scrolled upon my computer, an ad for a pulley with weight lifting attachments that'd allow me to do pull-down exercises in my basement.  It seemed liked a simple and doable strength solution to my lower back limitation - it was less than $30.  Where would I put it?  One click and it was purchased.

I took down the heavy punching bag, that I didn't use, and it was situated just right.  The change to my weight lifting regime was both satisfying and fruitful - my triceps have never been stronger.  Basketball shooting was never my strong point - I was surprised at how much easier, accurate and precise my shots are now.  I continue to be surprised at how some everyday tasks are easier and more satisfying too.

It seems most people don't do strength training - "It's just not my thing."  It does require 25 minutes, two or three times per week.  For me, I listen to my spiritual mentor, Charles Stanley, on the TV while I'm lifting.- I come up from the basement better off physically, emotionally, and spiritually then when I went down.

We're all different and it takes time to make sustainable changes within our lives.  Until the change works out in actualities and habits, it's hard to know how life will be different.  For me, I don't want to give up weight lifting or my motorcycle.  I've a friend who wouldn't give up her quilting, another who wouldn't give up her garage sales, another guy who is passionate about his guns, another who loved her gardening, and another who wouldn't give up her pickleball leagues. 

The only church in town would allow opportunities for every person to apply their God given gifts, abilities, and interests.  And, they'd hear about life-giving changes that people experience along their life journeys.  They'd also hear how the Spirit of God intervened before significant real-life changes started.  If it was from God, you won't want to go back to the old-stale stuff.  I guess it depends on who your master is - you or your Lord.

Just for today...

"When I take one day, one moment, one task at a time and really concentrate on it, a lot more gets done."  Courage to Change (p. 213)

"I must learn to accept myself as I am. Everything good I can bring about must begin with that."  One Day at a Time (p. 213)

"I reaffirm that God is a Power greater than myself with thoughts and feelings very different from mine. This allows me to set my thoughts aside and take time to focus on His thoughts and how He wants to express them through me."  Hope for Today (p. 213)