October 31st - I'm okay in Christ

The story...

Numbness in both legs began - it couldn't be ignored as I was lovin' on my grand daughter by carrying her to the car after the hockey tournament.  The reality of the degenerating lumbar vertebrae could no longer be ignored.  My behavior wasn't in synch with the reality of my nervous system condition.  My body gave me direct and pointed feedback - ouch, reality sat in.

I expected that some nice person would call to schedule an MRI.  They'd insert my body in a big-metal tube to take 3D pictures of unseen reality.  I expected that two of the disks would be a bit flatter and more protruded than before.  And, the stenosis would've narrowed the holes that nerves thread through.  I'd be more aware of my limitations...

The surgeon told me in 2009 that he'd likely see me again in 15 years.  So, why did this catch me by surprise?  I couldn't help but notice that my height's shrinking as my disks flatten.  My spine doesn't care if I like the reality or not - it just is.  My only realistic choice is to adapt to what's true and how I'll move my body.  It seems that my top-three choices are to: be thankful for every miraculous breath; imagine an alternate reality; or whine and complain - sometimes I choose all three.

The only church in town will offer opportunities to walk side-by-side others as "we" walk humbly with God.  A more honest life may be lived with a clearer, albeit veiled, view of spiritual realities and eternity too.

Just for today...

"I'm attacked by thoughts of disaster. I imagine failure, torment, agony. And then I act. I do something rash or fruitless in order to put a bandage on the situation, because the one thing I most fear is being afraid."  Courage to Change (p. 305)

"I grew up in a family where scorn, criticism, and teasing were everyday modes of communication. To cope, I developed the ability to hide my pain and confusion behind sarcasm and ridicule. Making myself feel bigger and better by making fun of others never filled the emptiness I felt inside."  Hope for Today (p. 305)

"Imagined bad; Fears me so - Rush to fix; Refuse to slow."
"Let'em be; You and me - Trust His Word; Spirit sees."   Am I a Poet?

October 28th - Engage in Today - the Now

The story...

What does the day look like for you?  I'm writing this story in history and aren't aware of the future present.  Strangely, that first sentence is in the past and I may need to reread it to remember what I wrote.  I must also remember what the first words of the sentence were in order to understand the sentence's message.

The "Just for Today" quotes were written by others years ago - they can be enjoyed today.  They were highlighted as important to me years ago.  I'm considering, and making sense of, them in the present. And, they're conveyed to you from history.  You're enjoying them in the now - the present.

We've got today...

The only church in town will be built on what God's revealed about Him, us, the past, and the future too.   They'll focus on revealed reality, where to go, and how to get there too.  Their faith will be in their Creator and Sustainer's revelation and presence.  They'll meet together and walk humbly and honestly with Him in the present.

Just for today...

"So it's in my best interest to treat others as I wish to be treated. I try to imagine that my words and actions are being addressed to myself, because in the long run I generally get back what I give out."  Courage to Change (p. 302)

"I've learned that if an issue isn't going to be important in 30 days, then it's probably not worth troubling myself with now."  Hope for Today (p. 302)

"Today is mine, It is unique. Nobody in the world has one exactly like it. It holds the sum of all past experience and the future of all potential."  One Day at a Time (p. 302)

"Past recalled; Now's real - Future's unwritten; Livin the deal."   Am I a Poet?

October 25th - It's going to be what it's going to be - let it go

The story...

A wise boss once told me to focus on the 20% of the stuff that's within my control, or that I can strongly influence, to get the best results - the essentials.  Let the random variables bounce around within limits and trust our capable people to address the minor issues as they arise.   Our competitors can waste their time focused on the trivial and wear themselves out trying to control the uncontrollable - "We'll eat their lunch."

Steven Covey developed a useful model of three concentric circles that illustrates how we might best classify issues within our mind.  The innermost circle contains issues that are within our control - it's small.  The next bigger circle contains the issues that we can influence - it's bigger.  The next bigger circle are those issues that we are concerned about yet we can't influence or control.

Circles of: Concern, Influence, and Control

Stephen Covey idea

The only church in town will focus on the essentials for growing each person and the group too.  They'll speak to concerns outside their influence and control yet they won't stay there.  They'll trust the power of God to work out His will in those matters - He's fully capable and trustworthy of managing His creation.  His circles have no boundaries.

Just for today...

"One of my defects of character is to make choices passively - letting things happen rather than taking action."   Courage to Change (p. 299)

"... weather was one of the many things completely out of my control.  This perception relieved me of responsibility for the weather, sunny or cloudy, and reminded me of the many things in life over which I have no control. I can only let go and let them be."   Hope for Today (p. 299)

"Wars and votes; Funds and rot - Distract the mind; Control them not."
"Loved and loving; Place to be - Free to live; Clear to see."   Am I a Poet?

October 24th - Real, sustainable, change - longer than expected

The story...

Obsessive thinking happened more often than I realized.  Did I begin this self-defeating behavior for self-preservation?  Was it a defensive mechanism to prevent future pain?  Did I witness it modeled within my family?  Was it something that I conjured up myself?  Others, who were traveling on a similar path, helped me see the negative effects and the possibility of lasting change.  Sharing my successes and failures, with friends who cared, motivated and sustained me through the long change process.  Obsessive thoughts continue to "pop" into my head; but, now I recognize the ugly buggers for what they are; decide what's true about 'em; accept what's my part; and trust God for the rest.

My victory over chronic obsessive thinking is a good story for me; yet, that's not the point of this story.  This story's about how long it took to achieve and sustain this personal victory in reality.  Initially, I naively thought that mere knowledge of the subject would do it.  Then, I thought a few victories using coping methods would suffice.  Then, I thought that I made it when I could share the why's and how's with other people.  Then, I thought that a few months of many cycles of obsessive thinking recognition, tool application, and significant change was the victory that I was looking for.  It wasn't until my new way of thinking, behaving, and being were internalized that I achieved fundamental personal change.   This took over a year - at least 4X longer than I expected at the onset.

Working out life together within the only church in town will require patience. The community will offer grace and mercy during these long and bumpy life-change processes.  There are reasons why people are behaving in ways that they really don't want to - they often feel like victims.  The only church in town is a place to understand the "why," the "how," and to experience glimpses of the presence of God worked out through the lives of others.  Some changes seem to happen instantly - most seem to take much time and likely suffering too.  It's hard to say goodbye to even those things that weren't really working for me - "goodbye!"

Just for today...

"I now view my problems as survival skills that served me well as I was growing up . . .  To cope with the blaming and criticism in my home, I became a perfectionist."  Hope for Today (p. 298)

"Like the birch tree, I can be wounded if I am prematurely stripped of my defenses. Most of us have spent a significant amount of time trying to cope with these wounds from the past rather than growing and changing . . . When I am ready, the changes will come easily."  Courage for Change (p. 298)

"Comfy habits; Ingrained ways - Forced change; New birth."
"Friends cultivate; Fruit reaped - Good living; Sin creep."
"Drifted in; How's it so? - Agree with Him; Power renewed."
"Growin stronger; Onward way - More like Him; Ripe old age."     Am I a Poet?

October 23rd - Quiet minds see more wholly?

The story...

It was a cool, fall, windy, and partly-cloudy day.  I was hiking in the woods while thinking about a few important subjects.  That wasn't what I wanted out of the hike.  I was also earning exercise-points on my Apple watch, increasing my stamina, tearing down my muscles for rebuilding, tiring my body for getting more out of my night's sleep, and maybe even arriving at a few good decisions.  Yet, I wasn't getting what I wanted out of the hike - what I want out of life.

Same beach - different day - similar blessing

I was expecting to quiet my mind so that I might take in the abundance of reality that was going on around me.  As I began to descend the dunes toward the beach, my mind let go of it's grip and the world opened up to me.  The sun, wind, clouds, chill, heat, birds, waves, and sand seemed more alive - I took it all in.  Yes, I was more fully engaged in life.  A wave of fruit seemed to pour in and through my inner man.  I seemed to be experiencing a love for God, my fellow man, and me too - restored, strengthened, rested, at peace, full of hope...

The only church in town would be a place where you could lay down your concerns and rest in the reality of who God is and who he made us to be.  It's a great thing to be walking rightly with God in Christ - a fruitful life in the midst of life's ever-changing circumstances.

Just for today...

"Let us stand aside so the light can shine on us and on all we do, so we can see ourselves and our circumstances with true clarity . . . I must find the vantage point where I can most clearly see my difficulty as it is; then answers will come."  One Day at a Time (p. 297)

"I don't have to accept the unacceptable, nor do I have to argue back or convince another person that I'm innocent or right . . . I can listen without taking the words personally."  Courage to Change (p. 297)

"My parents used religion to keep me in line. I believed we went to the only true church . . . He doesn't live in a box. He lives in me and in those around me. He loves me, cares for me, and accepts me just as I am - a work of art in progress."  Hope for Today (p. 297)

"Iniquity reigned; Cruel master - Enemy's me; Running faster."
"Gospel heard; Needed Savior - Love won; His favor." 
"Knit together; Him n me - Free to live; Faithfully be."   Am I a Poet?

October 22nd - Act the person you wanna be?

The story...

During my mid-life years, I went fishing to recreate.  Inevitably, I'd call my dad to tell him what happened.  I knew that he was interested in fishing, and he seemed to appreciate learning about my episodes too.  There was a sort of give-and-take in those conversations - we were both able  to "check in" with each other.

I lost most of my interest in fishing after my dad died.  Strangely, I seem to have gone fishing to reexperience good feelings from early years.  Maybe I wanted my dad to know that I was okay and that I appreciated him in a way that I could communicate.  

My dad was a good man.  Yet, he wasn't able to meet some of my significant needs.  I accepted this truth and loved him, thankfully, for who he was.

I do fish now for different reasons.  I no longer seek my dad's approval and I don't need to be fishing with another person to be fulfilled - I'm "okayer," more thankful and content.

The only church in town will be a place where you can meet a close friend, friends, community, and God within view of that bright Light that's God's revealed Word.  Why not honestly live out life within community as opposed to acting out on your own?  You're an important part of this epic story of life - why not live out your part together?

Just for today...

"Expecting him to be a nurturing person was unrealistic . . . I adopted some of his character defects as my own . . . I needed to give myself what was not in his power to give - love, acceptance, wisdom, a safe childhood, and a healthy initiation into manhood."  Hope for Today (p. 296)

"Dad's power; Knew all - Chinked armor; Dropped ball."
"Merely man; Surprised to see - Led to God; Christ in me."     Am I a Poet?

October 21st - Interfering to keep as it ought to be?

The story...

Winning a competitive game, by a significant margin, doesn't fit me.  I'd prefer to play a close game with an exciting finish - each person finishing in a positive state or condition.  I might be compelled to personal preferences like that with others - should I?

Bill Shankly's quote for competitive games - not so good in real life?

When are parent's expected to stop interfering through unwanted advice given to their kids?  Should they first receive requests or permission from their teenagers?  Sure there're necessary safety and household rules; but, when do attempts to positively influence become destructive interference?

Why not offer others the dignity and respect to work out their own lives?  We can still help by developing strong relationships that provides a safe space to walk side-by-side with - helping and sharing as needed and requested.

The only church in town will be a place to meet and grow together.  Honest, humble, and respectful relationships built around the revealed Word of God may be found.

Just for today...

"We brought many troubles on ourselves by interfering . . . Am I fearful, picturing with dread what the future will bring? I will let go and let God, and live only of this one day."  One Day at a Time (p. 295)

"I was taught that if I did what I was told without question, I would be safer and happier. In my family, obedience meant following a strict, straight line."  Hope for Today (p. 295)

"Struggling life; Twisty doubts - Secretly try; Stay or live."
"Uniquely you; Once around - His Way; Loving hands."    Am I a Poet?

October 20th - Loving in spite of fear

The story...

For about a year, I invested in people who lived in an independent care facility - the workers, the residents, and visitors too.   A person, whom I loved, lived there.  The atmosphere was welcoming and initial interactions were good.   Even so, I'm not sure if they truly wanted me to intervene within their lives - to love and be loved.

One day, I planned to leave my home at 10:45 AM to spend about 1.5 hours there.  It was just a plan so I wasn't sure that I'd follow through.  There seem to be forces that seemingly inhibit, or resist, my good intentions.  Who knows the sources of our fears; even so, I brainstormed a list of what they might be.  They're ranked according to my perceived likelihood that they'd deter my visit.  It's strange to acknowledge that these fears may hold me back from working out a doable and loving activity that certainly fits within my "constitution."

• End-of-life situations experienced
• Perceived rejection
• Time invested that could or should've spent elsewhere
• Periods of time not knowing what to do - abiding
• Frequent thoughts of escape - "get out of there"
• Trying to be a "good boy" - a "brag" story
• Strange interactions with limited ability to communicate
• Uncomfortable smells and sounds

Secure hearts and loving inertia will motivate loving actions within the only church in-town.  They'll truly be witnessed and experienced within and outside community.  There'll be a sort of supernatural sense of being, or condition, for the loved who are abiding in Christ - inoculated with love.

Just for today...

"I've lost many, many hours waiting to solve a problem or be freed of a character defect. Today I am learning to make room in my life for the wonders that life has to offer."  Courage to Change (p. 294)

"Fear is a feeling, not an action. Courage is not the absence of fear. It's choosing to act with love in spite of fear."  Hope for Today (p. 294)

"Like me; Like Him - I change; He's true."
"He indwells; Abiding power - Sin blocks; Agree'n restores."
"Veil lowered; See Him be - Actually loved; Calmed sea."     Am I a Poet?

October 19th - Want to be Self Actualized?

The story...

Fourteen other men attended the meeting.  We were all focused on a topic that was important to each of us.  As group leaders, we'd later facilitate similar discussions within our own groups. There were expectations that we'd engage in conversation to learn from each other as we prepared for leading our own groups.  Before, I often felt a strong desire to share what was on my mind.  Noble motives for my self focus included: edifying others; redirecting conversation to my concepts of the most important; identifying logical, practical or factual flaws; or to model "good" group member behavior.

That day; I listened more and recorded helpful learnings and observations that worked their way into my own group's topical conversation.  I didn't speak up as much and felt peaceful and content within the full meeting.  It was like my self was quietly riding in the back seat and that the real me, trusting God, was upfront driving the car.  I was content and thankful alongside compadres.

Self seems to want to be: proud, accepted, admired; and the focus of attention - even at the expense of others.  My self seems to be a competitor.  He wants to expand what is his with hopes of being safer, more secure, and admired by others - indispensable.  Self tends to live in an imaginary world where he's the main character - the most important.  Kinda like a little "god."  Ugh...

Maslow's hierarchy of five needs suggests that each self's goal is to be self actualized.  It assumes that everyone wants to be a winner.  Human history seems to read as a long saga of pain and anguish fueled by selfish selves warring against each other while trying to fulfill their grandiose view of self.  Self aims to be elevated to a higher level - a little "god."  Do we all crave this type of illusive self love?

Maslow's hierarchy of needs with an additional level?

The only church in town will preach what God has revealed about who He is and who we are as His creatures.  How to be free from the tyrannical rule of self will be shared.  They'll learn to love themselves because of who they've become in Christ - right with God. 

Just for today...

"I need to distinguish between giving out of love and giving to please others in order to gain their attention or approval."   Hope for Today  (p. 293)

"Struggling and worrying didn't help me to solve my problem. Doing my part and trusting God with the rest did."   Courage to Change (p. 293)

"I will not allow my imagination to build small troubles into big ones. I will try to see each situation clearly, and give it only the value and attention it deserves."  One Day at a Time (p. 294)

"Self wants; Love gives - Love received; Pays forward."    Am I a Poet?

October 15th - Elusive loving relationships?

The story...

A female friend shared an intimate truth with me that betrayed the trust of one of her close friends.  They must have shared their impropriety with their friend because thereafter they avoided me - I assume they both experienced embarrassment.  I actually shared the issue with a pastor to better understand how he'd successfully dealt with situations like this - my plan was to follow his lead to resolve the relationship breakdown.  Due to the intricacies of the problem, we didn't come up with a good way to resolve it and the relationship breakdown remained for about two months.  Yesterday, I saw them at church standing together, I took a risk and gave the one who shared the story a side hug and hung on.  The embarrassment seemed to melt away immediately and the situation was resolved between the three of us with much relief and smiles - I expect that we all were freed up from a sort of dark cloud that affected us all.

The only church in town would read, in the book of Genesis, the story of all people being cursed with a sin nature.  These selfish people emotionally and physically hurt each other.  They often move toward isolation as opposed to working together and demonstrating the kinds of love that we secretly crave. This sin nature resists both the giving and receiving of love.  More importantly, unresolved sin creates a barrier between God and us.  We seem left on our own trying to "do" the best we know how.

That only church would preach the good news of how God resolved our relationship barrier through the death, burial, and resurrection of our Lord Jesus the Christ - He paid the death penalty for our sin.  His resurrection proves both who He is and that we can expect resurrection too.  Through faith in the great work of Christ, our sin issue is resolved and we can walk through life humbly and honestly with God in Christ.  Man, that's good news!

Just for today...

"It seemed as though I was ricocheting off two walls, one marked 'inactive' and the other marked 'reactive.'  . . .  Impulsiveness can be as much a trap as immobility."  Hope for Today (p. 289)

"I think of forgiveness as a scissors, I use it to cut the stings of resentment that bind me to a problem or a past hurt . . . By letting go, I detach and forgive. When my thoughts are full of bitterness, fear, self-pity, and dreams of revenge, there is little room for love or for the quiet voice of guidance within me."  Courage to Change (p; 289)

"Run away; Courage wains - Lost adrift; Swirling pains."
"Kind touch; Sees me - Loved by His; Freed to be."    Am I a Poet?

October 12th - It was for freedom...

The story...

I resented the implication that the problem with the situation seemed to be centered around me.  My actions seemed just and righteous - I intended to "help" solve the problem.  They seemed to be wrongly complacent by following down a path that "might" lead them to a place where "I" didn't think that "they" wanted to go.  They clearly weren't capable of living their own lives well - why?

It's easy to recognize the faults of my family members yet those faults are often true about me too.  We share the same gene pool, grew up in a similar environment, and learned from each other along the way.  Why couldn't I focus on being okay with the person that I was, and wanted to be, and allow them the same freedom too?  I expect that we were co-dependent on each other.  Maybe we misunderstood the life coping skill of co-dependency as love?

It was for freedom that Christ set us free (Galatians 5:1).  The only church in town would proclaim the freedom we can have from the tyrannical ruler "self."   They'll also share scripture's path of walking humbly with God, side-by-side with other sojourners, towards our eternal destiny.

Just for today...

"I had to unlearn a lot of romantic nonsense in order to find a satisfying  life in the here-and-now . . .  My security cannot be based on learning 'the rules,' because once I learn them they change. With God's help, I will find some security in being exactly where I am today."  Courage to Change (p. 286)

"Sometimes what I perceive as a threat is something I've conjured up in my own mind . . . I've learned to distinguish between real and imagined threats. I've learned to recognize and respect others' boundaries. I'm also able to discern when it's wiser for me to remain open to someone I love and trust even when I want to close up out of fear."  Hope for Today (p. 286)

"Set of rules; "Storge" confine - Safely normal; Bitter wine."
"Break the rules; Righteous rebellion - Push loudly; Little hellion."
"Another way?; Can it be? - Creator did; Gifted by HE!"
"Sin barrier broken; He loves me - Okay I am; Free to be."    Am I a Poet?

October 11th - Wisdom: Knowing where to go and how to get there

The story...

The Just for today... quotes contain pearls of  personal wisdom that were shared from three souls who lived them out in reality.  I've benefited much from others like them - you have the opportunity to receive too.  Most of my knowledge, and wisdom too, seems to have come from others rather than garnered from my own experiences, thoughts, imagination, and ideas.

My favorite definition for wisdom is: "knowing where to go and how to get there."  I first heard this definition in my 30's and I've retained it into my 60's - It's sufficed.  It feels like my own though I heard it from another.  I heard the definition of God as "That than which their is no greater" - It's sufficed.  My framework, world view, or model of truth has been received and developed over a lifetime.  But, reality speaks truth and "rocks my boat."  The truth helps me more honestly and rightly view history, life, and future possibilities too.  Often these realizations occur while walking side-by-side with my close friends and through reflection on the truth that God's revealed to us.

Amen means truly.  People within the only church in town will often say "amen" when they hear the proclamation of what God says is true.  It's a good thing to freely walk in the reality of the love of God in Christ.

 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free" (Galatians 5:1)

Just for today...

"Each of us has the right and the obligation to make our own decisions. It is character-destroying to usurp that right."   One Day at a Time (p. 285)

"But sometimes my thirst for knowledge can be an attempt to exercise power where I am powerless."  Courage to Change (p. 285)

"...years of isolating myself had left me with scars that couldn't heal overnight. I suffered from low self-esteem, impaired social skills, and lack of self knowledge, to name a few."  Hope for Today (p. 285)

"Imagine here; Truth bent there - Lose yer way; Going where?"
"Plug yer ears; Simmer the stew - Awaken to God; Life's brand new."   Am I a Poet?

October 10th - Decide what's your part - trust God with the rest

The story...

An issue jumps into my conscious mind from who knows where.  It nudges me to ponder it before stuffing it back into a corner - hope it'll be forgotten.  It's kind of like how I used my basement ping-pong table - a staging area for stuff that I was currently working on or hadn't yet decided if and where to store.  Some might best be dispositioned to a charity for people who actually need them.  Others may be restored and placed where they can be found.  The clutter "takes its toll."

Some of the issues that I don't trust God with become worries that only cause me and others strife.  I'm capable of ruminating and imagining these worries into possible realities that'll never see the light of day.  If I worry, I'll likely suffer similar consequences to those that I actually fear.  Worse yet, my efforts to fix, manage, and control the situation is often doomed due to my limited capabilities, resources, and understanding of what might be.  

The only church in town will work out their lives abiding with God in Christ, believing His revealed Word, and trusting Him with the results.  Yet, church activities might look even messier than my ping-pong table.  But, they'll allow for the bright light of God's revealed truth on that messy table.  They'll decide what stays in play, what's rebuilt or improved, what gets put away, what's given away, what's repurposed, and what's discarded.

What's on your ping-pong-table?

Just for today...

"Without faith in a power greater than myself, I am like a storm-tossed ship without a rudder. I am flung from one trouble to another; however bravely I may battle the elements, my own strength and wisdom are not enough."  One Day at a Time (p. 284)

"...when I'm feeling insane, I'm forgetting my powerlessness and trying to control outcomes or other people . . . I try to get my own way."  Hope for Today (p. 284)

"I can't make life unfold according to my plans, I can admit my powerlessness and turn to God for help."  Courage to Change (p. 284)

"Unsettled mind; Wounded heart - Misplaced love; Grown apart."
"Stop trying; Trust God's Word - Off entanglements; Cut da cord."
"True light; Heart sees - Truly loved; Wonder-filled free."   Am I a Poet?

October 9th - Do and trust God with the rest

The story...

I received an all-group e-mail that encouraged me to better participate in this years group meetings by attending less preoccupied.  They suggested the following method to better prepare for group activities:

"Get out a piece of paper and write down everything on your mind. Write down anxieties, distractions, expectations of the evening, plans for tomorrow, and anything else consuming your thoughts. Getting our mind-clutter out and onto the page frees us to focus on one another."

Since I was planning on attending a meeting that evening, I intentionally identified the things that were weighing on my mind.  If I "dropped" them, might I: more freely focus on others; receive their messages more clearly; reflect more deeply; and be more sensitive to the Spirit of God too?  Instead of writing each one down, I went out to my drive way and shot free-throws.  

First, I identified what was true about the situation.  Second, I acknowledged my part.  Third, I voiced my responsibility.  Fourth, I decided what related actions to take.  And finally, I trusted God to work out the rest in the truly best way according to His will.  The whole process seemed right, fruitful, and a good lifelong habit.  As you might expect, I participated in the meeting in a more attentive, balanced, and supportive way - more engaged.

The only church in town will focus on the reality of God's will and presence in creation, history, the "now," our lives, and the future too.  If God wills something to be done then it'll be done.  Yet, if He is going to work His will out through us, we must be rightly related to Him.  That's where I want to stay.

Just for today...

"I use my intellect instead of my emotions before responding. I detach from the person or situation until I can calm down and think rationally."   Hope for Today (p. 283)

"I'm willing to stop fighting reality, to stop trying to do God's part, and to do my own . . . I am free to live my own life, safe in the knowledge that God is taking care of the world, my loved ones, and myself."  Courage to Change (p. 286)

"...confuse not the business of others with your own."  One Day at a Time (p. 283)

"Toted a burden; Hurt and blame - Shoulders sagged; Guilt and shame."
"Christ bore sin; I am freed - We walk tall; God and me."   Am I a Poet?

October 5th - Do Eeyores have to be Eeyores?

The story...

We've seen others isolate themselves after extended periods of rejection - not receiving the love they needed - they seem to've given up.  They may appear as an Eeyore or not appear at all.

Maybe they looked for love in all the wrong places.  Or, maybe they expected that all their love needs should've been met by their parents or that illusive life-long partner.

Looking for love in all the wrong places.

I hope that the only church in town will be the community where they engage in life - experiencing the giving and receiving of love.  What will be that source of strength and love?   They'll have the book that offers really "good news."  They might just learn about, and hopefully experience, "The" source within the only church in town.  "Ain't that good news . . . man ain't that news."

Just for today...

"I did choose to give my younger brother things I wanted myself in order to win his love. I did decide to shut off my feelings from my family . . . I had to look at why I chose to become involved with unavailable people . . . My choices reflect my opinion of a relationship with myself."  Hope for Today (p. 278)

"I have a choice about where to focus my attention. I'm challenged to find positive qualities in myself, my circumstances, and other human beings . . . It may be difficult to break a long-established pattern of depression, doom-sayings, and complaining, but it's worth the effort."  Courage to Change (p. 278)

"Looked for good; In the crowd - Found egos; Wounded proud."
"Met Christ ones; Livin new - Knowing God?; Truly true."    Am I a Poet?

October 4th - Are "we" better than "me?"

The story...

I walked into the T-Group at a NTL Human Interaction Laboratory in Bethel, Maine.  My V.P. of H.R. recommended that I attend this week-long experience that he personally found transformational.  This was the first session and nobody was talking - we all just sat there.  I guessed who the leader(s) were yet they said nothing.  A few people were so uncomfortable that they spoke up, asked questions, and even tried to start their own meeting activity - the group shut each of these would-be leaders down in order.  The agitation, uncomfortableness, and negative group dynamics grew.  It got better and better as the week progressed - for everybody.

The week was transformational for me - I left more accepting of me and more thankful for the group.  We learned, experienced, and worked out being a more fully-functioning human being within community - experiencing the value of working and living together.  Yes, I was a better person having experienced this Human Interaction Laboratory - I learned and grew with and through other people.

1990's training binder on group dynamics

Even after all of the courses, experiences, successes and failures, I still find group dynamics challenging, rewarding, and discouraging too.  Yet, working out life together, through relationships and community, are worthy and seem to be an important part of the "good" life.

"We" may not be more capable in some things than me; yet, we are likely more complete, capable, and fulfilled.  The fear of group rejection, not fitting in, still looms in the background.  What if they ... ?  The risk of group rejection reminds me of the following scene where Forest Gump defends Jenny during a Black Panther meeting - not fitting in.

Forest Gump's fight ruins the Black Panther party?

The only church in town will grow people, friendships, groups and community within the Light of God's truth about who He, they, we, and I am.  It'll be a great place to live, grow, and be - working out life together where really good news is heard and shared.  A place where people learn to love, be loved and suffer together too - just as we were created to be?

Just for today...

"The change in me will be reflected in every person whose life touches mine."  One Day at a Time (p. 278)

"I've learned to live with, put up with, and tolerate many things. I wanted to change but was afraid to try for fear of the unknown . . . I finally tore the wallpaper down."  Hope for Today (p. 278)

"I realized that it was my own fear and shame, and not the embarrassing details of my problems, that kept me at a distance."  Courage to Change (p. 278)

"Thinkin big; Knowing true - Peace with God; Livin anew."
"He works; We abide - In Him; We shall reside."      Am I a Poet?

October 3rd - Self awareness and feelings

The story...

"Why did I do that? . . . Why do I make so many mistakes? . . . Why did I resist doing good? . . . Why am I unmotivated to act? . . . Why did they reject me? . . . Why didn't I fulfill my commitment? . . . Why didn't I speak up? . . . Why couldn't I keep quiet and listen? . . . Why can't I be like them?"   

Self awareness is a good thing - some say it's what makes us human.  Thinking about thinking allows us to grow, adapt, improve and even survive.  Yet, wrong self thinking can lead us into self-defeating spirals that take us down rat holes where precious life can be wasted or missed.

WSJ 09/09/23 (p. C1)

We're capable of dwelling on our feeling and adopting negative patterns.  Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey did a good job in their article, "The Power to Decide How You Feel," of describing how we might: be more aware of our thoughts and feelings; decide what's true about them; take action when needed; and disposition them for what they really are -  "...understanding that emotions are signals to your conscious brain that something is going on that requires your attention and action."  Feelings can be a wonderful sensing mechanism.   A self-aware mind can use them to: further understand reality; better act; and be.  "I am not this anger. It will not manage me or make my decisions for me."

The only church in town will shine the Light of God revealed truth regarding what's truly valuable and lasting - stuff we can't hold in our hands. 

Just for today...

"I will spend more time with myself in this lifetime than with anyone else. Let me learn to be the kind of person I would like to have as a friend."  Courage to Change (p. 277)

"I tried to manipulate and control everybody in my life to change the shape of their personalities to suit mine. I even attended workshops so I could make changes happen . . . Instead of spending time with people and situations where I don't fit, I can look for ones that I do."  Hope for Today (p. 277)

"Chronic stress often leads to maladaptive coping mechanisms in modern life. These include the misuse of drugs and alcohol, rumination on the sources of stress, self-harm, and self-blaming. These responses don't just fail to provide long-term relief they can further compound your problems through addiction, depression, and increased anxiety. What these coping techniques do is try to change the outside world - at least as you perceive it."  Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey, "The Power to Decide How You Feel" Wall Street Journal, 9/09-10/23 (p. C1).

"We didn't match; But we're okay - Found a friend; Day by day."
"Enjoying all; Friend to few - What I need; Livin true."   Am I a Poet?

October 2nd - Does your constitution justify "just doing it?"

The story...

The USA Supreme Court protects and interprets our constitution.  Who protects my constitution?  I guess it's me.  Should I just do it, think about it, or write in on my to-do list?  Some things must be planned while others may be acted on as a matter of habit or principle.  Within my constitution, can I, or should I, just do it?  I understand my constitution to be principles, or precedents, for how I manage my life - how I make decisions and act on them in accordance with who I am.  Take a look at a bookmark I crafted and laminated in the 1990s - it speaks to being versus doing.  

This purpose statement is helpful; yet, it doesn't seem to be a constitution for how I might make daily decisions.   The following are a few ideas about the choices that I expect to make today along with the principle(s) that seem to drive them.  Might this be a reasonable way to write my constitution as opposed to a lofty set of ideas that I merely want to be true about me?

Make and drink coffee - Live in a supportive environment - self-care.

Put on old-blue-button-down-collar shirt - Love in storge sort of way - self-care - self-respect.

Be kind to family and community.

Enjoy lunch with a best friend - Share and grow together.

Close Exercise ring on my Apple watch - Work toward goals - self-care.

Write in the blog - Clarify understanding "what's going on" and share too.

Tweak my investment choices - Plan and prepare for the future.

Prepare for group meeting - Learn, share and grow with other men.

Pray and meditate - "Be" actively present within my relationship with God in Christ.

Answer birthday wish visits and phone calls - Build kind, growing, and loving relationships.

Greet people on the bike path - Love and receive love.

Afternoon nap - Be kind to me.

Eat meals - Care for me and be happy.

Organize basement - Simplify for me and others too.

The only church in town will likely have a written purpose statement and constitution.  I hope that each member of this "called out group of people" would have their own constitution too and that the two would flow congruently.

Just for today...

"I felt afraid of doing the job incorrectly and being criticized, but I accepted it anyway. My fears were quelled because criticism never came . . . 'I can, I can, I can! And I do.'"  Hope for Today (p. 276)

"Eyes on home; Busy hands here - Abide in Christ; No fear."
"Senses veiled; For a time - Then we'll see; Wonderfully Thine."      Am I a Poet?

October 1st - Do you know what I want or need?

The story...

"Oooooh  If she knew what she wants

(He'd be giving it to her)  If she knew what she needs

(He could give her that too)  If she knew what she wants

(But he can't see through her)  If she knew what she wants

He'd be giving it to her  Giving it to her

But she wants everything  (He can pretend to give her everything)

Or there's nothing she wants  (She don't want to sort it out)

He's crazy for this girl  (But she don't know what she's looking for)

If she knew what she wants  He'd be giving it to her

Giving it to her  I'd say her values are corrupted

But she's open to change  Then one day she's satisfied

And the next I'll find her crying  And it's nothing she can explain

If she knew what she wants  (He'd be giving it to her)

If she knew what she needs  (He could give her that too)

If she knew what she wants  (But he can't see through her)

If she knew what she wants  He'd be giving it to her

Giving it to her (giving it to her)  Some have a style

That they work hard to refine  So they walk a crooked line

But she won't understand  Why anyone would have to try

To walk a line when they could fly  No sense thinking I could rehabilitate her

When she's fine, fine, fine  She's got so many ideas traveling around in her head

She doesn't need nothing from mine  If she knew what she wants

(He'd be giving it to her)  If she knew what she needs

(He could give her that too)  If she knew what she wants

(But he can't see through her)  If she knew what she wants

He'd be giving it to her  Giving it to her

But she wants everything  (He can pretend to give her everything)

Or there's nothing she wants  (She don't want to sort it out)

He's crazy for this girl  (But she don't know what she's looking for)

If she knew what she wants  He'd be giving it to her

Giving it to her  (He'd be giving it to her)

(He could give her that too)  (But he can't see through her)

Ooooooh  Giving it to her  Giving it to her now."

Susanna Hoffs and the Bangles: "If she knew what she wants."

We'll find people within the only church in town who're trusting God to meet essential needs and to bless too.  We too might trust God and bear real fruit - the kind of stuff we all need.  For now, I desire His Will and want to be okay in Christ - praise God.

Just for today...

"When we bring things out into the light, they lose their power over us."  Courage to Change (p. 275)

"Few of us know what we really want, and none of us knows what is best for us. That knowledge remains, in spite of all our determined resistance, in the hands of God."  Hope for Today (p. 275)

"... when we are strong we are always much greater than the things that happen to us, and the soul of a man who has found himself is like a deep sea in which there may be many fish: but they never come up out of the sea, and not one of them is big enough to trouble its placid surface. His "being" is far greater than anything he feels or does."   Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island (p. 125)

"He enters; Life leaps - In Christ; For keeps."   Am I a Poet?

September 26th - There's me, us, and you - me is me, we are we, and you are you.

The story...

We were sitting on the porch talking about two mutual friends.  One of that pair had delivered clear feedback to the other, and even set up a new personal boundary, in order to protect their friendship. My friend commented that friends do give specific personal feedback when they have to: "that's what friends do."  The next day I delivered specific personal feedback to that same friend - they reacted negatively and defensively - it was difficult to deliver the one-time feedback in a way that was received let alone acknowledged.  The exchange was difficult, uncomfortable; yet, I think it worked out best.

Maybe good friends tell their friend their perceived truth once  - not nagging or trying to persuade.  Should friends focus on the relationship and not on reforming or reframing each others minds or souls?  I think my friends have the space to share their mind and soul, as they will to, while we respect each other's "space."  I'm okay with my friends just as they are - that's a strong foundation to build on and to grow from too.  We grow together.

The only church in town would be a place where people might find truer friends who they can grow together with.  Everyone would have at least one "good" friend to walk side by side with along their journey towards that celestial city.

Just for today...

"Smugness is the very worst sin of all, I believe. It is difficult for a shaft of light to pierce the armor of self-righteousness. Many of the things I thought I did unselfishly turned out to be pure rationalizations to get my own way about something."  One Day at a Time (p. 270)

"At our wedding ceremony, the minister said, '... and the two shall become one,' and we did, 'We' became 'him.'"  Hope for Today (p. 270)

"Your soul's yours; Wonderfully you - My soul's mine; Respectfully true."
"We have stuff; Our bounded story - Built and tilled; To His glory."   Am I a Poet?