December 11th - A season for places and things

The story...

People invested much of their lives building, improving, and sustaining that manufacturing plant.  They learned their first job after practice and soon became an integral part of the team.  They learned how to do some maintenance and later were able to diagnose what was likely wrong.  They campaigned for, and helped install, that new machine that would help them produce more product with accuracy and precision.  They wore their plant logo on their hat and their association with that plant formed much of their identity.  "I've worked at the _____ plant at company A for X years."  It was s part of who they were.

Then the decision came to shut down the plant.  They'd heard rumors before yet the decision came as a shock.  Hadn't they done everything they were asked to do?  Wasn't their life investment valued?  What do they mean when they say that our plant was no longer competitive?  Whose responsible for this?

The manufacturing plant was a tool for producing products that customers wanted and needed.  It was a tool, purchased with borrowed capital $, to produce a profit.  Leaders of the company were responsible for investing the limited capital funds to both pay the bills and to reward the people - those who worked the processes and those who loaned their capital $ for a season. Capitalism does incent change and growth - change and growth is hard for many of us humans.

The only church in town will have people who will want to "do church" just as their parents did.  They want things to be as they remembered - something that you can count on.  They will be excited about new movements like "Promise Keepers" was in the 1990s - it was wonderful and right in its time and place.  The Aim remains the same yet the places, processes, and ways of doing stuff must change. 

Just for today...

"Since there are difficulties with which I must live, the only real answer is to seek the serenity to accept the things I cannot change . . .  Money won't buy serenity; in fact, I'd probably have a whole new set of problems and decisions if a fortune ever did fall into my lap."  Courage to Change (p. 346)

December 10th - How about getting it together - together?

The story...

"I can't believe that you vote like that. I thought you were a better person. How could you do that? Aren't you a Christian?"  Yes, I was shunned by a group for presenting positions, from the "other" party, with a "best foot forward."  My position was that "they" were working toward good and just principles even if their means for funding and implementing the changes may be perceived as idealistic, unsustainable or suboptimal. The part that stung was the not so subtle reference that I must not be a Christian if I was on the side of the other party - they were shunning me for offering respect and understanding. I ended up at the governing board of the group challenging anyone to stand up and support their opinion that people from the other party were errant, naive, and wayward - needing correction.  No one stood up - this was a good moment of reckoning.  I didn't hear anyone speak like that for a season, yet the groupthink and judgement of "the other guys," crept back in.  I guess it's part of the human nature and another example of the undermining force of "groupthink."

It seems good that government would stay true to it's constitution, standardize what works, slow to change the things that work for so many; yet, run change experiments to test new ideas.  It's hard to know all of the implications of a change to a system in advance.  They'd try change plans out before institutionalizing them.  They'd plan the change, do the change on a small scale, check for effectiveness, and standardized the parts that worked - make them an integral part of the new system.  Wouldn't it be good for both parties to honestly test how the other guy's ideas might work together?  I expect that each side would learn much in the process.

The only church in town will have much leeway within the boundaries of God's revealed Word.  They'll keep first things first and work out their faith in an honest and faithful way.  That includes recognition that all men are born sinners who fall short of the glory of God - faith in Christ's redeeming work transforms them into a new creature who's able to commune with God in the present - born again.  Surely, we continue to live in the world with bodies that tempt us to live self-satisfying lives; yet, our prayer and communing with God restores us to that best working condition of being in Christ.

Just for today...

"Where in the past I have allowed unacceptable behavior, I can not choose a different response . . . Today I have the courage and faith to be true to myself, whether or not others like or agree with me."  Courage to Change (p. 345)

"Let me observe, with new interest even the commonplace things that happen in each new day."  One Day at a Time (p. 345)

December 9th - "I'm good when I'm loved and loving."

The story...

I've often discussed and pontificated on what the good life is and how it might be obtained in reality.  Why not "try" to work out our good-life code each day?  The list of reasons why is long and not so distinguished: contrary feelings, secret hopes, distant relationships, jealousy, security needs, physical pain, haunting memories, thoughts of grandeur, whimsical fantasies, failings of others, the next new thing, boredom, discouragement...  I've come to terms with the idea that I'm not naturally good - I need intervention in order to be the "good" man whom I've enjoyed being with on occasions. 

So, when do I find myself good?  I'm good when I'm loved and loving.  Yet, how might I be good if I and others aren't lovable by nature?  It's a gift of God - He's got the power that indwells those who walk rightly and humbly with Him in Christ - praise God that we can abide in this reality.

The only church in town will proclaim that we're lovable by God, ourselves, and others when we're positioned with, and related to, the Son of Man, our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ, our Messiah.  He alone can save us from the tyrannical rule of self - yes, our sinful nature separates us from our most Holy God.  He actually paid the death penalty for sin on our behalf - I'm declared righteous in Christ!

Just for today...

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing."  Albert Schweitzer

December 8th - "I thought you wanted to be an Uber driver?"

The story...

A friend of mine took on an Uber-driver job to earn some extra cash.  He earned the cash, yet more importantly, he expanded his knowledge of people, possibilities, and developed a propensity toward doing rather than merely pontificating and opinionating.  His personal growth from serving and respectfully communicating with a large variety of people was transforming.  Based on his success, I asked the Uber drivers who served me if they experienced similar benefits - they all did.  So, why don't I do the same with some of my open time as a retired engineer/teacher?

Yes, the Uber job seems to be a good fit for me.  I enjoy conversing with, caring for, and learning from other people.  And, I expect that the job would support my values: humility, service, respect, kindness...  I've the time available and I enjoy being with people.  If a friend asked me to drive them somewhere, I'd be happy and pleased to drive them.  So, I've decided to do it.  Yet, my car wasn't a good fit.  So, I ordered a 2024 Ford Maverick hybrid as a first step - the choice delayed my decision.  Strangely, the demand being far greater than supply resulted in my waiting for about two years for my small pickup truck.  My excuse for doing nothing was gone.  Will I find another excuse not to do this good thing?

Recently, I asked friends of mine if they thought that it would be okay for me to buy a "gaming" computer - I offered my justification.  All of them said that it seemed like a good idea, with caution, and only one challenged me: "This sounds like you might be isolating during that computer gaming time, I thought you were planning to serve and grow, in a humble way, as an Uber driver."  What a good friend - yes, we all need good friends.  I plan on starting Uber driving in March 2024 with my 2024 Ford Maverick - I'm motivated and excited about the possibilities.  Who knows what might happen?

The only church in town will offer "the" good reason to live, the best way to live, friendships and ways to work out faith in service.  Like my Uber choice, why not engage in your church community now?

Just for today...

"Am I heaping up resentments, excuses, and regrets that have the potential to destroy me?  I don't have to be buried under them before I address my own problems. I can begin today."   Courage to Change (p. 343)

December 7th - If your code is to "seek pleasure" - what will likely happen?

The story...

I've tried to make myself feel better by eating more, recreating a pleasant place in time, replacing something I own with something better, or even working towards a goal on my Apple watch.  I expect there are many similar, yet peculiar to you, things that you might add to your list.

Watch this YouTube video at your own risk - ain't giving you the link

When I'm seeking pleasure to make me feel better, I know my relationship with God isn't right - sin has crept into my life once again.  I know this is true about me when I kneel down to pray in quiet meditation.  My desires for pleasure melt away and I begin again to experience: love joy, peace patience, kindliness, goodness, gentleness and self control - fruit of the Spirit of God.

The only church in town will preach, teach, and work out God's Way for living the good life - its not characterized by self-actualizing and seeking pleasure.  Walking honestly and humbly with your righteous God is the best place to be but an unrighteous man like me can't do it on his own.  I'm with Him in Christ - it requires your belief in Him and His provision for you in Christ. 

Just for today...

"I used to think that being good to myself meant eating whatever I wanted, buying anything that caught my eye, sleeping only a few hours a night, and avoiding any activities that weren't fun or exciting. The trouble was that consequences were very uncomfortable, and when I let myself think about it, I felt I was wasting my life."  Courage to Change (p. 342)

"Speak your truth quietly and clearly; listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they, too, have their story."  One Day at a Time (p. 342)

"Serenity is the sure knowledge of God's unconditional love for me. It is an acceptance of myself that flows from God's approving embrace."  Hope for Today (p. 342)

December 6th - Can you help me make sense of my emotions without reacting?

The story...

They made a rude and self-centered verbal attack on the character of a person who I deeply cared for.  Multiple emotions rushed into my mind.  I reacted quickly by cutting down the speaker with sharp and hurtful words - my message couldn't be ignored and our relationship was damaged.  The exchange may have been justified yet the relationship damage was hurtful and painful.  An emotionally intelligent person may have used the conversation as a means to more subtly allow the other person to see their error and deal with it in their own way - saving face.

I've heard it said that our emotions will last about 90 seconds if we don't feed them.  If that's true, then within 90 seconds we can choose to either: ignore the feeling, pretend it isn't real, evaluate it rationally, equate it with another feeling, choose to remember it for later reference, react positively or negatively to it, or begin the recurring process of obsessively thinking about it.  Oh... how many hours I've painfully wasted obsessively thinking about a relationships gone bad.

Might we put each emotion out in the light of day and examine it in real time - it'll be gone in 90 seconds.  Often I'm surprised at a reality it's exposed - often one that I've ignored.  Emotions are truly another sense that we've been gifted with - part of the joy of being uniquely human.  This is one lesson that I wish a benefactor would have decided and endeavored to teach me - my need to understand my emotions must've been obvious to some.  Maybe they saw that I needed to be "broken" first.

The only church in town will contain wise and capable mentors who'll be able to meet us where we are - by the grace of God.  Those who can relate to our position and condition as it more truly is.  They'll care because of the grace bestowed on them by "That Than Which There is No Greater" in Christ - gracefully.

Just for today...

"Anger can give me an illusion of power. For a little while I may feel I have control over my situation and over other people, but that kind of false security always lets me down."  Courage to Change (p. 341)

"He needs much help who thinks he can compel others to do what seems right to him."  One Day at a Time (p. 341)

December 5th - Who understands my heart but God?

The story...

My parents brought me to Sunday school for about ten years and I chose to attend summer bible camp after I accepted Christ as my savior, when I was about eight.  I actively read the gospels after a period of brokenness in 1980.  And, in 1981, I actively engaged in bible study with Bill Job's "ekklesia" in Oak Ridge, TN.  I'm so thankful for all of my teachers, mentors, co-sojourners, and friends along the way.  One of my key learnings was that God knows our hearts and the condition of our hearts makes all the difference.

"But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God does not see as man sees, since man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”   1 Samuel 16:7 (NASB)

"And Jesus, perceiving their thoughts, said, 'Why are you thinking evil in your hearts?'"  Matthew 9:4 (NASB)

"For who among people knows the thoughts of a person except the spirit of the person that is in him? So also the thoughts of God no one knows, except the Spirit of God."  1 Corinthians 2:11 (NASB)

I am so thankful for my faith and the opportunities that I've been given to share the realities of my faith with others.  I especially appreciated the nine years where I served as both a 3rd-4th and 4th-5th grade Sunday-school teacher.  And, I currently appreciate my close friends in-Christ and leading a group of faithful men within Bible Study Fellowship (BSF).

Bible cover gift from my 3rd-5th grade class

The only church in town will lead people to accept God's gracefully given gift of redemption - the Way for our hearts to be reconciled with God.  They'll read that our hearts are seen by God as white as snow.  They'll share the good news that our righteous God cleanses us from our sin-death penalty through the sacrifice of His Son, my Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ.  He knows me with a cleansed heart - praise God!

Just for today...

"I was sure there had to be somebody in this world who would understand my every mood, always have time for me, and bring a smile to my face . . . my fantasy showed itself to be no more than a shadow. Reality presented a different picture entirely . . . What was I doing with their love? It seemed to me I was brushing it aside for that one imaginary person, or worse, not noticing it all."   Courage to Change (p. 340)

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'thank you,' that would suffice."  Meister Eckhart

"Were the challenges and losses in my life actually gifts God had chosen carefully for me so that I might grow spiritually? I knew it to be so, and I felt simultaneously humbled and overwhelmed with gratitude for the nature of God's love for me."  Hope for Today (p. 340)

December 4th - Value feelings without them controlling

The story...

In my college cafeteria, I picked up my banana split and threw it across the table at a "friend" who wouldn't stop throwing peas in it.  I witnessed my best friend yell at a fast-food window because "they" were "making us" late.  I threw the phone across the room and it smashed into the fireplace.  I insisted that the group fish the way that I thought was best even though the group didn't want to.  I picked up my toys and I went home.  A person who I cared about was acting irrationally and I didn't pause to think why.  I wonder if my life would've been less difficult and more fulfilling if I'd better understood and considered our emotions - to be more emotional intelligent. 

Colman A (2008) described Emotional intelligence (EI) as "the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. People with high emotional intelligence can recognize their own emotions and those of others, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, and adjust emotions to adapt to environments."  Emotions sound like a power that a "Super Hero" might have.  To ignore them, pretend they don't exist, treat them as unwanted noise, or react to them without thinking, seems foolish and even irrational.

I expect that Boy Scouts had to be emotionally intelligent in order to follow their oath.  "A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent."  Yeah, I was a Boy Scout and wanted to be like that then as I still do today.

The only church in town will be a group of people with the same "North Star" guiding them - faith in God and His provision for us His creatures.  They'll have different resources, capabilities, backgrounds, personalities, emotional intelligence...   And, their sins that cause hurt and pain will be like "grit" that erodes and scars relationships - our emotions will confirm the presence of both sin and love.  Maybe sin's presence will lead the group to receive God's grace, love and mercy with great joy.

Just for today...

"I am a wealth of contradictions. I can value all of my feelings without allowing them to dictate my actions. Today I can feel anger toward someone and still love them. I can feel afraid of new experiences, yet move forward toward them. I can survive being hurt without giving up on love. And I can experience sadness and still be confident that I will be happy again."  Courage to Change (p. 339)

December 3rd - Turning stuff, outside your control or influence, over to God

The story...

Life has taught me that I don't know what's best in many or most situations. The best that I can hope for is to apply something that seemed to work well in similar situations.  It's especially likely that I'll choose a suboptimal course of action if it involves something that I'm comfortable with, allows me to apply a skill that I've developed, if it uses the tool(s) at hand, brings positive attention towards myself, pleasures me, or is consistent with my limited knowledge.  Actually, I think that I'm a good decision maker yet I'm prone to make biased-suboptimal decisions while hoping for a very cloudy picture of what the future might best hold.

I once taught a graduate class on forecasting with mathematical models.  It involved identifying causal and non-causal data related to key outcomes, weighting historical data, measuring trends, discovering seasonality, and the testing of these time-series models with both historical and current reality - always concerned that these data were recorded accurately and precise enough.  A good model's helpful for planning a manufacturing enterprise within varying: environments, materials, Geopolitics, competitors, and the actual behavior of all the people involved - sometimes it seems difficult if not impossible to do "good" enough.  Our omniscient God knows - but I, his creature, do not - "A man's got to know his limitations."

Most of us believe that a virtuous life is better than a non-virtuous one. Yet, I value honesty and integrity while others plan on lying as necessary in an effort to achieve more favorable outcomes - insecure people work out their lives differently within their ever-changing environments.  Situations and their related decisions are rarely black-and-white - they seem cloudier and greyer with spots of sunshine peaking through.

The only church in town will tell the believers that God's trustworthy and He cares for each of us.  You can trust Him for the stuff that's outside your control and influence.  When trusting God, your able to live a more restful peaceful, and hopeful and life.   A life that appreciates the past, lives in the present, and trusts God for the future.  It's a great thing to walk through this life in favor with God in Christ.  Why not fellowship with your Creator and Father now?

Just for today...

"I found it relatively easy to make a decision to turn over my will and my life to God. However, I didn't have any  idea how to actually do it."  Hope for Today (p. 338)   The author goes on to suggest a "God Box" and "Basketball Technique."  I have done, and do, both.  You can find a copy of the book to learn more if you so choose.  

"Speculating on other people's attitudes and motives is a waste of time and effort. To search out the reasons for my own is a voyage of discovery!"  One Day at a Time (p. 338)

"Meditation is higher spiritual awareness . . . a quiet place . . . beyond my thoughts . . . attention on the present day only, leaving the past and the future alone."   Courage to Change (p. 338)

December 2nd - What I wanted from dad came from . . .

The story...

I'm told that my motives for much of what I've done, and thought, came from a desire to please, or even be like, my father.   I discovered that this was at least partially true after my dad passed away - I discovered I no longer had a desire to fish.   Fishing seemed purposeless without sharing the "best" experiences with my dad - he liked hearing those stories and freely expressed positive emotions directed toward me.  The fishing and story telling were part of my ongoing search for his love and approval - he wasn't capable of fully meeting my needs.  I even bought this shirt last year mainly because it looked like one I remembered him wearing - strangely, I don't wear it..

Like many, I've enjoyed much of Bruce Springsteen's music since my college years.  The songs resonated with what I was experiencing - deep down in my soul - "Born to Run" and his album "Nebraska."  I was surprised to hear that much of what he did was an effort to be like his dad and win his approval.  You can hear the music, drama, and story worked out in his Netflix NYC play "Springsteen on Broadway."  He returned to his roots but it wasn't the same.

My dad was my first idea of what God must be like - my Father.  Sadly, he was just a man with strengths and weaknesses.   I was discouraged when I discovered his weaknesses and didn't receive the love and acceptance that I longed for.  Did I deserve his love?  I was placing my hopes in the wrong place - other people introduced me to my Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ - I am so... thankful that these people loved me enough to show me the Way.

Come to the only church in town and learn about the Way.  If you know the Way, then work out your faith in actualities.  If you've worked out your faith, then share it with a young man like I was - please...

Just for today...

"I was setting goals that others wanted me to achieve . . . My decisions were based on what others wanted so I could make them love and accept me . . . I thought if I said and did everything my parents wished, I would finally earn their love and attention."  Hope for Today (p. 337)

"Not one thing has ever improved as a result of my mental criticism. All it does is keep my mind on someone other than me . . . What would happen if I took my list of criticisms and applied it, gently, to myself?" Courage to Change (p. 337)

December 1st - Caring for others "in secret?"

The story...

Why is it helpful to keep our kind deeds or gifts secret?  Maybe it prevents unhealthy attachment to others for our own sake or benefit?  Maybe giving in secret helps us model outwardly an inward hope or reality in our hearts?  Maybe it allows us to actually experience the offering of love to another person - experiencing grace?   Maybe it's an outward way to resist our central tendency to promote and protect self?  Maybe it feels right because it intrinsically consistent with a good heart?

“1. Take care not to practice your righteousness in the sight of people, to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven. 2. So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, so that they will be praised by people. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. 3. But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4. so that your charitable giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."  Matthew 6:1-4  (NASB)

Matthew exposes a selfish motive for giving and suggests an abnormal alternative.  This secret type of giving may be evidence of a good heart - one who does not need the approval of others or is worried about not having enough.  At a minimum, it describes a heart that wants to walk right with God and their fellow man - loving your neighbors as yourself.

The only church in town will proclaim God's truth, shining light on the darkness around us, making sense of even our motives behind giving.  It'll be a place where people can come to a right position with God in Christ.  Then they're able to work out this life with a confident hope - characterized by love and joy expressed from their innermost beings.  One that might naturally give in secret - gracefully.  Yet, much of these internal realities will be hidden within guarded people who work out their lives within a world that's dark - without reason for hope.

Just for today...

"Have I made progress in my effort to correct my faulty attitudes? Have I let discouragement plunge me back into my old habit patterns? When something I did had consequences that made life difficult for me, did I try to blame someone else?"  One Day at a Time (p. 336)

"I began to see that my way of caring often meant reacting and manipulating. I'd do something nice for someone because I wanted to be liked . . . Sometimes I wanted to attach myself and feed off someone mentally, emotionally, and spiritually . . . Sometimes what I call "love" is really just control."  Hope for Today (p. 336)

November 30th - Expecting less and offering freedom to grow.

The story...

I expected way too much from every class I took.  I imagined the best from the syllabi and believed the instructor's opening arguments and impassioned pleas.  For each class, I imagined me studying diligently, staying curious, applying truths, and being a better, more capable, version of me as a result.  I wanted the instructor, me, and classmates to live up to my expectations yet they seldom did - I expected so... much from us all.  Yes, I was the "Idealist."

Maybe expecting little from the people, within the only church in town, is the best way to appreciate the actualities.  Maybe many of our problems within community are rooted in our expectations for them and us.  God doesn't expect much from the old nature we were born with.  He did the heavy lifting to restore our relationship with Him.  He provided the Way to erase the sin barrier between He and we.  Why not enjoy things as they are, imagine together, and allow the freedom for each of us to grow as we've been gifted?  Might the best "only church in town" be characterized as graceful?

Just for today...

"It's unrealistic to expect perfection from an imperfect being in an imperfect world. The only perfection I can hope to attain is to be perfectly imperfect."  Hope for Today (p. 335)

"Everyone who plays a part in our lives offers something we might learn. Other people can be our mirrors, reflecting our better or worse qualities. They can help us to work through conflicts from the past that were never resolved."  Courage for Change (p. 335)

November 29th - Trying to control the uncontrollable? Why?

The story...

The weather is going to vary.  We can attempt to control it by moving to a new spot on the globe yet it will vary there too.  It's true that we can influence the weather but can we really control it?  

We're better able to plan for weather variation in our homes.  We can look at the short-term forecast and  plan accordingly.  Many change their home's environment using: a thermostat with heat and cooling source(s);  a hygrometer to start up the humidifier or dehumidifier; and reported pollen counts to begin filtering the air or closing the windows.  Yet some people don't like it the same way and the weather within the house varies too - the settings are agreed to by compromise or directed by those with authority - it's never quite right.

So, some of us build houses that are sustainable under all reasonable weather expectations and don't require excessive effort to control them.  The people change the way they dress and behave differently.  They may choose to work in the morning, go to the air-conditioned mall or beach, when it's hot; or even travel during periods of weather that're not to their liking.  They accommodate the weather rather than judging it an attempting to control it.   They might not even have an opinion about the weather and actually appreciate the variation - that sounds good to me.  Yet, I'm going to heat, cool and filter to adjust for the extremes that significantly affect my life - just like I'm going to plan on dressing to fit the forecasted weather.

I choose to be thankful for each day's weather and refuse to judge it as being either good or bad.  I want to live my life accommodating the variation and appreciating it rather than working never-ending cycles of measuring, judging, controlling, and deeming it as either good or bad.  And, I want to treat the people that I interact with, in community, in a similar way.  Engage in their lives and enjoy each other without trying to fix, manage, and control them according to what I expect is best for them.  They won't all be my friends yet I intend to offer grace, mercy, love, and respect to all.

The only church in town will be thankful for the grace, forgiveness, and love that God pours out on us through our Lord Jesus the Christ.  Church people will work out a similar, albeit clunky, graceful heart within their relationships too - mirroring how God loves them.

Just for today...

"Being an adult was looking good on the outside and not feeling what was going on the inside . . . The first thing to go was the control over others - it simply doesn't work  . . .  Today I can risk being myself. I don't have to live up to anyone's image."  Courage to Change (p. 334)

"Today I can put the past where it belongs and focus on taking care of myself. I needn't wait for someone to do it for me."  Hope for Today (p. 334)

"This self-imposed struggle to control the uncontrollable is certainly not rational."  One Day at a Time (p. 334)

November 28th - What's it like to be heard?

The story...

It's a special thing to be in a relationship where you both: have similar aims; are free to be honest; communicate openly and respectfully; and are understood by a listener who's actually capable of understanding you - they actually care.  If the sharing is balanced, you'll likely grow together and look forward to every meeting.  I'm so thankful for my close fiends.

I hope you enjoy these three friendship quotes from C.S. Lewis's book "The Four Loves."  I've listened, and enjoyed an audio version of this book at least a half-dozen times - enjoy!

• “Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”
  
  
• “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
  
  
• “I have no duty to be anyone's Friend and no man in the world has a duty to be mine. No claims, no shadow of necessity. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

The only church in town will be a group that contains many friends that make up a better whole.  They will share a common aim, hope, and experience - together.  Each friendship, a good story in the epic saga of life.

Just for today...

"I lugged my childhood grudges into adulthood . . . All I really needed was to be heard. Then I could let go of some ugly feelings."  Hope for Today (p. 333)

"I will learn . . . to recognize my errors, to see the roadblocks of self-will and self-righteousness I have been putting in my way. Then I will no longer insist that a thing is impossible because I have been unable to accomplish it."  One Day at a Time (p. 333)

"Many of the things I had once thought of as virtues - taking care of everyone around me, worrying about other people's lives, sacrificing my own happiness and prosperity - turned out to be the causes of my misery!"  Courage to Change (p. 333)

November 27 - Top 10 Reasons I'm Thankful

The story...

I'm so thankful to be thankful because I am thankful.

Here are my top ten reasons for being thankful:

1. God's word that confirms I'm right with God due to faith in Christ's redeeming work alone.
2. Each breath I breath - to be alive.
3. My life partner who promised to stick with, and love me, no matter what.
4. Family members who I share life and love with.
5. Ability to receive, understand, store, recall and apply knowledge.
6. Close friends with whom I walk through life towards a common aim.
7. A warm, comfortable, safe home within the security of the USA.
8. Mobility to go where I want to go and care for myself.
9. Wise, "Yes," choices that help me grow and be.
10. Medical system that enables me to be active and relatively pain free.

The only church in town will teach, preach, and proclaim good reasons for being thankful.  In a community, there will be circumstances where the comforts of this life don't seem within reach.  Yet, their souls often sing with joy - faith worked our it reality.  Community living like this should have been in my top ten list - I wonder where I should have inserted it and what it would have replaced?

Just for today...

"If I so choose, I can regard everything that happens in my life as a gift from which I can learn and grow."  Courage to Change (p. 332)

Were you looking for someone who meets your needs yet expects little of you?  That's a pet - like a dog.

November 26th - Relationships - Good "Vibes" - Like tennis?

The story...

My close relationships are very important to me.  They require an investment of my whole self for focused periods of time.  Here's the glue that makes 'em stick for me:

• Who: similar personalities and journeys - ages from 35 yrs younger to 5 yrs. older.
• What: equal sharing, & listening, of life's reality & ideas for what is and might be.
• Where: at a coffee shop, restaurant, church, or via computer.
• When: every other week - convenient time of day - one to two+ hours.
• Why:  honestly sharing life-walks - giving & receiving - growing together.
• How: sharing equally without unrequested opinion - like a good game of tennis.

How is a good relationship like a good game of tennis?  You share equally by taking turns serving and returning the ball.  You treat each other with respect or you won't continue to play.  Must plan to meet periodically at a court and time that's okay for both.  You've similar goals for the tennis experiences.  You'll accommodate your partner as physical limitations happen.  The joy of returning their shot on the sweet-spot of your racquet, at the same level of energy, is invigorating - it's like you're fully connected yet being fully independent.  Conversation with a good friend is a lot like that.  Please don't even think about turning the joy of a relationship into a win-lose game like tennis might be.

The sweet-spot of the racquet is where the vibrations of the racquet cancel out and the forces are more fully transferred into the ball return.  Those vibrations are irritating, fatiguing and even harmful to our bodies.  Yes, a good conversation and a good tennis volley are similar.  We all know how fatiguing the unwanted "vibes" between people can be - they aren't okay within a close relationship - they continually wear down, erode, and destroy relationships.

The only church in town will be one group with a kind of personality of their own.  There'll be sub-groups that'll have their own personalities too.   Within these "purposed" groups you'll find opportunities to develop friendships with a person(s) similar to you.  These relationships will be like walking side-by-side through life focused on reality - the most important spiritual reality that truly lasts.  When we stray from the path, a friend can help us  "wake up" and return to the life-giving path.

We're blinded to this spiritual reality when we focus on ourselves and ignore who we actually are as creatures - creatures created by a living and active God.  He's interested and powerfully working through our todays, tomorrows, and our eternal future too - He says so.  Experiencing a relationship with Him in Christ is like no other.  

Just for today...

"... we don't tell anybody what to do. People only accept and use advice they're ready for . . . When I am asked for advice, I know only what I would do if I were faced with the same problem, and not what would be right for another."  One Day at a Time (p. 331)

"I learned to trust no one, to stay silent at all costs, to stuff my feelings, never to stand up for myself, to take on more responsibility than I could handle, to love conditionally, and to tell white lies to cover up my home life. No wonder as an adult I perceived that close interpersonal relationships were like constantly moving targets.  Usually I was the one who was moving because I lacked the skills to develop and maintain healthy adult relationships."  Hope for Today (p. 331)

November 25th - Might my imagined reality be bent? Unrealistic? Blinding me from truth?

The story...

I thought it wise to imagine and create a positive self image of: who I was, how I wanted to be perceived, how I planned to change, and how I'd execute the plan.  I'd hold onto this imagined reality and defend it even if it took much persuasion and the bending of reality too.  I wanted to be perceived as a good actor in the story of life and reap the rewards.  Sadly, my imagined reality and story didn't mesh well with other people's imagined plans and stories.  So, I worked to influence, manipulate, or even control them so that they supported my story - like supporting actors in the story of "me."  It's hard to write this, let alone read it aloud, yet it seems true to my nature.

Surely, the world is harsh, alongside other selfish people, so it seems reasonable that we adopt a self-created role that allows us to get along while still trying to get our needs met.  When our efforts to get along don't work, we may pick up our toys and go home - stay isolated - seeking warmth within the small comfort found by wrapping up in that old raggedy blanket of our self image - sounds a bit cold and Grinchy.

The only church in town will share God's revealed Word about the nature that we were born with - the selfish, self-sustaining, and self-promoting nature that looks toward meeting our own needs first.  They will hear about what God did to pay for our redemption, pay our God-offensive debts, so that we might walk through this life and eternity with our most holy God and Father.  Wow, that's good news they will hear there - the story to know and share.

Just for today...

"Sometimes the greatest growth comes through pain, but it's not the pain that helps me grow, it's my response to it.  Will I suffer through the experiences and continue as before or let the pain inspire change that helps me grow?"  Courage to Change (p. 330)

November 24th - We're either getting better or worse - nothing stays the same.

The story...

Somebody told me that about their habit of seeking to discover at least one thing of value from every conversation.  Looking for those "golden nuggets" helped him to listen, and stay engaged, in what might've been a boring or taxing conversation.  The speaker appreciated the attentive listener - albeit offered with a selfish motive.  Yes, this is one way to win friends and influence people for your benefit - and the speaker's heard too.  Everybody wins - right?

The self-help book craze had a resurgence in the 1960s and continued strong for decades.  Yet, trying to be, or acting to be, somebody different than who you actually are, is wrought with problems.  Being a good actor in life, who's well received by others, seems like a good path; yet, being that good person and working out that reality more naturally seems better.  Yet, there's much reason to believe we often need to "fake it to make it" - how else do we become who we want to be?

There will be authentically good people who are interested in you, yes you, within the only church in town.  Some will be redeemed - walking more rightly and humbly with God - you'll be compelled to listen to their conversation, heart, and spirit/Spirit connection.  That's the power of God - when you receive . . . you won't desire anything better.  Surely, you'll drift away but He doesn't leave His adopted sons and daughters there long.  He loves those that are His.  The first and second greatest commandments is living within the "sweet spot."

Just for today...

"How many have given me a constructive idea to take away with me and use? That is the only measure of a truly valuable meeting."  One Day at a Time (p. 329)

"What can I do by day's end to improve myself? Is there something I can learn? Is there some challenge I can meet? Is there some old tired fear I can walk through and be rid of?"  Courage to Change (p. 329)

November 23rd - Fear: name 'em, decide, move forward, and put 'em away

The story...

My lumbar defects are my current physical problem(s) that can easily lead me to feel anxiety, whine, and succumb to fear for the present and future.  I know that this type of fear can cause our exceptionally strong back muscles to tighten up around our spines.  I'm told this "tightening" exasperates the problem, which can accelerate the degradation, and potentially lead to subtle, yet unrepairable, nerve damage.  So, worrying doesn't just "not hurt" but causes ongoing, and potentially ongoing, "hurt."

Worrying, anxiety and fear clearly are not okay for back pain.  Yet, I wonder why worrying, anxiety, and fear are ever warranted.  Truly these emotions can spur us on towards that first step towards a better course of action, or being, that we would enjoy - better circumstances.  It took me about a week to stop whining about this resurrected pain of the type I felt before -about 15 years ago.  Yet, it seems better to acknowledge emotions, make sense of them, and then put 'em away when their purpose is fulfilled.

With regards to my back problems; the medical system is designed to do what I can't do for myself - true the process needs my attention and involvement; but, they intervene to effect the change.  Most people, working me through the process, seem to love me along the way as they give me what I need - that's a real good part of life - kinda like receiving love.

There are some truths about life that I don't want to face today.  For those, a reasonable amount of anxiety will help me remember and motivate me to take action - to move forward or change.  It does make sense to be "in tune" with our emotions.  Taking that first step can be real hard.  I'm thankful for friends who can help us shine the light of reality on our conditions - I have a history with people caring for me and their kind intervention is interpreted, by me, as love.

Many of the people within the only church in town will be "okay" enough to listen to, and care for, their fellow pilgrims.  They'll hear their fellow's words, emotions, self stories, and share together about the better reality of being and walking rightly with God  (Micah 6:8).

Just for today...

"Just for today I will not be afraid of anything. If my mind is clouded with nameless dreads, I will track them down and expose their unreality . . . God is in charge of me and mine."  One Day at a Time (p. 328)

"I kissed her tears away, the way I wanted her to do for me when I was a child . . . I held her, and we cried together in joy and love."  Hope for Today (p. 328)

November 22nd - Rightly related to God?

The story...

I prefer a day: waking up at a consistent time thankfully with prayer; planning for and doing good; being honest with reality; loving me and others; exercising my body and mind - strengthening each; saying yes; meditating without thinking about the clock; dispatching potentially obsessive thinking within five minutes; tuning into my spiritual radio - albeit the station has much static; giving - being kind and receiving kindness; feeding my body and my soul too; seeking to understand before being understood; walking forward on my pilgrimage alongside close friends who're near; and being the person who God created and wills me to be.  Yet, my free will chooses to do differently each day.  Why?

My noble motives for behaving differently, even in the opposite direction, include my: need to be safe from harm; personal protection boundaries; scarcity of resources; American dream of the good life; acceptance by others; need to fix, manage, and control other people towards my vision of their good; avoiding fears from the past, present, and future; desire to receive good grades from the judge(s); escape from unfavorable circumstances; pain avoidance; telling of my good life story; loyalty to my family; and my justifications for the way things are - "justified."

I expect that the first paragraph is about my being rightly related to God and the second paragraph is about self protection and promotion.  The first paragraph was possible because my unholy self nature was judged, found wanting, yet redeemed and reconciled with God, sin debt paid for, by God Himself in Christ - "I'm with Him."  My part was believing on God and His great redemptive work in Christ.

The second paragraph characterizes me working out life by me and for me.  Thankfully, my conscience and the Spirit of God convicts me of this wrong way of being before I cause too much harm.  He restores me daily in a loving way.  My life seems to be a continuing cycles of restoration that're heading in a good direction - like we might expect a loving Father to perform for those who are His.

The PDCA model is good - yet, different - standardizing & sustaining change

The only church in town will learn and know that they can respond to His calling and be His.  They'll find fellow pilgrims to walk together with through life's circumstances.  Yes, a continuing series of restorative cycles that strengthen our need for receiving love from our heavenly Father - that kind of love is infectious - It can't stay still.  Love spreads far and wide - shining Light everywhere.

Just for today...

"Half an hour's meditation is essential except when you are very busy. Then a full hour is necessary."  Francis de Sales

"First I need to develop a relationship with God . . . Next, I learn to become at peace with myself . . .  I can't be that person when I'm overly controlled by guilt, fear, and resentment and negligibly aware of my gifts and talents . . . Lastly, I start acting responsibly toward others."  Hope for Today (p. 326)

"...conflicting views become merely different views, so our problems can be solved with tolerant understanding and mutual respect."  One Day at a Time (p. 326)

November 21st - What does a "broken" person let go of?

The story...

I did my best, created a comfortable home, and tried to help those in my care to be their best.  Then something upset the game board - other people's games and the circumstances of life.  The tokens, pegs, fake money and cards were strewn about - the game of life no longer worked - it was moving in directions that I didn't plan for or expect.  There had to be a better way. 

A friend recommended that I meet with a group of people who might just help me turn my chaos into a new and better way of living.  I'm so thankful that I "Zoomed" into a virtual meeting with the group. They too, recognized that their efforts to fix, manage, and control life and people didn't work.  The problem wasn't with the other people, it was with me.  I learned much in the first year and lived a better way the second year.  I live a different life now, respecting relationships with people, more fully trusting God, and bearing fruit that both I and others enjoy.  A more humble life walking more closely to the truth.  My more trusting and open relationships with others, good friends, and God enable a wonderful sort of pilgrimage towards the Celestial City together.  It's the good stuff that eluded me during my early and working years.  Strangely, I'm soo... thankful for the brokenness that upset my boat, knocked down my house of cards, and helped me to see our God given life more honestly and clearly.

The only church in town will be comprised of people in all stages of life.  They'll learn about the reality of life together.  Each person will have a different personality, and when together, will form a group personality too.  The personality of the group will reflect their "head" - their Lord.

Just for today...

"Some people don't know how badly they need a new way of life until disaster overtakes them."  One Day at a Time (p. 326)

"Today I know that I can't fix anyone else but myself, and I challenge myself daily to seek a richer, more meaningful life. I'm taking risks, facing fears, making changes, speaking up, making myself available to life."  Courage to Change (p. 326)

November 20th - Why listen to, or share, uncomfortable realities about me?

The story...

"What's my husbands name? . . . Do you even know how many kids I have? . . . Do you care? . . . It's all about you!"  This was the stinging message that I heard from one of my trusted reports.  She was making the claim that I cared for what she could produce and not truly for her as a person.  Whoa . . . the facts were clearly true . . . but wasn't the workplace suppose to be about work, accomplishment, and my objectives?  Wait, I meant to say "our" objectives - or did I?  As a supervisor I wasn't suppose to get too close or have favorites - was I?  I could justify my behaviors but it didn't sit well - I knew she was speaking "her" truth.   Was it possible to be the same good man in all of my endeavors?

Surely there were good examples out there - real people who still had their skin on 'em - not just some glorified biography of the ideal.  It happened when a guy was transferred to my department.  His current supervisor suggested that I witness his performance appraisal delivery.  I was surprised to see a virtuous man honestly and respectfully delivering his performance assessment along with their mutual understanding of their working relationship.  Wow ... I wanted to be more like him.  That great man, leader, and friend of many, died a few years later from cancer - life ain't fair.

The only church in town will be built on relationships - less guarded honest relationships.  Yet, we can't realistically expect to relate well with everyone or even most people.  We're all different and most are operating in another stage of life.  The community will be okay and respect all people as they "be."  Yet, they'll all share within a better way - trusting in God.

Just for today...

"Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want  to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."  George Bernard Shaw

"What about those times when I heard truths about myself that left me feeling angry, embarrassed, or upset? When given the occasion to hear or speak an uncomfortable reality, I have choices. I can hear it and grow, I can share it and grow, or I can ignore it in favor of maintaining my comfort zone."  Hope for Today (p. 325)

November 19th - If I practice not sharing opinions - will I replace them with a listening ear?

The story...

My career may have chose me - I'd practiced the habits, and developed the personality, to explain my perspective and win agreement.  My work practices, tools, and change management success carried over into other areas of my life too.  I became more: illustrative; flamboyant in my story telling; better at painting mental images to be commonly understood; succinct in posing the right question(s); and consistent in behaving according to my expected behavior.  Sometimes, the desired perspectives were those of the organization that I was part of and not necessarily my own.

The burden of working out my life, wearing different hats, took its toll.  The incongruity between my inner-man and the roles that I accepted was bothersome - dissatisfaction with parts of life.  My life was not characterized as peaceful - more like a never ending quest to model good behavior - be the best that I could be - measure up. So, I planned the long and arduous process of earning my PhD - "then life would be great."  It was a good change worked out for over 10 years and experienced for about 10 years.  I learned and grew much through my studies, research, dialog, enlarged mental models, building onto and protecting my share of the body of knowledge, teaching, and mentoring.  Yet, my inner-man needed something more.

A period of brokenness helped me wake up and see my strife and struggles more clearly - I needed help.  I accepted an offer for help and joined others who were also more-honestly becoming better people.  The lessons learned and applied were wonderful - I truly love all those people that I grew with.  My life became more congruent, peaceful, restful, thankful and engaging.

The only church in town will be a place where you will hear about a better way to be.  You will, meet those who are growing in a similar way and stage of life.  Over time, a few of those people may even become best friends who you can openly and honestly grow with.  Friends like that aren't required to live good a good life yet I wouldn't give 'em up without a fight.  True, they must be held loosely or it likely isn't true friendship.  Honestly seeking to understand, before being understood, is a good first step toward developing those good friendships.

Just for today...

Do you want to fix them for your own personal comfort or honestly for them?

If you wouldn't want somebody to say "it" to you then don't say "it" to anyone else.

November 18th - "My life was mostly good - I'm thankful for that."

The story...

A friend of mine met my mother in her independent-living home on Tuesday.  I introduced him to her and they settled down to one-hour conversation about her life past and present - him in a chair and her laying comfortably in bed.  It was a great joy listening to my mother describe her life - mostly good but there was bad stuff too.  She shared her hope that her kids, grand kids, and great-grand kids would go to church.  Her greatest pain was the loss of her husband in 2011 - she described how she missed him every day.  They lived a good life and that made her happy.  The surprises and joys, in her current life, were centered around the different people that are caring for her and meeting her needs.  "I never was around people like that, I really like them and some of them feel like friends."  That was her unexpected joy - she thinks that relationships like these might be why she lived so long.

The only church in town will ideally be like that independent-living home.  There will be some paid staff doing their jobs yet most of the caring and loving will be shared between each other.  People living out their life and faith in God's Word together.  The love my mother felt at the independent-living center surprised me every time I visited.  What if you spent more time with the folks in a church?  You might be surprised at the love you witness, receive and seem to offer to others.  Many of us are clunky and different so it might appear in unexpected and surprising ways.  Love experienced is worth it.

Just for today...

"If I can see nothing but my troubles, I am seeing with limited vision. Dwelling on these troubles allows them to control me. Of course I need to do whatever foot-work is required, but I also need to learn to let go."  Courage to Change (p. 323)

"When I'm uncommunicative or dishonest in my interactions, I set myself apart and feel rejected. Conversely, open, truthful communication nurtures feelings of trust and encourages me to participate fully in life. However, as I begin to change my old habits, fear of rejection sometimes tempts me to respond in old ways."  Hope for Today (p. 323)