November 20th - Why listen to, or share, uncomfortable realities about me?

The story...

"What's my husbands name? . . . Do you even know how many kids I have? . . . Do you care? . . . It's all about you."  This was the stinging message that I heard from one of my trusted reports.  She was making the claim that I cared for what she could produce and not truly for her as a person.  Whoa . . . the facts were clearly true . . . but wasn't the workplace suppose to be about work, accomplishment, and my objectives?  Wait, I meant to say "our" objectives - or did I?  As a supervisor, I wasn't suppose to get too close or have favorites - was I?  I could've justified my behaviors but it didn't sit well - I knew she was speaking "her" truth.   Was it possible to be the same good man in all of my endeavors?

Surely there were good examples out there - real people who still had their skin on 'em - not merely a glorified biography of the ideal.  Then, a guy was transferred to my department.  His current supervisor suggested that I witness his performance appraisal delivery.  I was surprised to see a virtuous man, honestly and respectfully, delivering his performance assessment along with their mutual understanding of their working relationship.  Wow ... I wanted to be more like him.  That good man, leader, and friend of many, died a few years later from cancer - another life circumstance that didn't seem fair.

The only church in town will be built on relationships - less-guarded and honest relationships.  Yet, we can't realistically expect to relate well with everyone or even most people.  We're all different and most are operating in a different stage of life.  The community will be okay and respect all people as they "be."  Yet, they'll all share within a better way - trusting in God.

Just for today...

"Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want  to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."  George Bernard Shaw

"What about those times when I heard truths about myself that left me feeling angry, embarrassed, or upset? When given the occasion to hear or speak an uncomfortable reality, I have choices. I can hear it and grow, I can share it and grow, or I can ignore it in favor of maintaining my comfort zone."  Hope for Today (p. 325)

October 30th - Helping others helps me to be and do

The story...

Yesterday, I saw my neighbor walking down the bike path by the side of the road.  I remembered the picture of him with the 4' sturgeon that he caught earlier in the week.  I was on my motorcycle so it would've been easy to turn around and pull into a driveway and hear his story - the sharing would likely have been good for him and built up our relationship too.  Even though I paused a bit longer than I would've hoped, my motorcycle came back and we strengthened our relationship.

Wikipedia

Why was this interchange important?  Maybe it demonstrated that I was truly interested in him, was pleased with his unexpected joy, was interested in the details of the "fight," asked how he felt as he wondered what it might be, and demonstrated keen interest during the whole conversation.  It was all about him.  It felt good to know that it was natural and true behavior on both of our parts - I wasn't "trying" to demonstrate interest and happiness with him - I actually was happy for and interested in his life.  That seems like good living.

I expect that my turning around to love my neighbor as myself was "doing" what I want to "be."  As I reflect on the reality of this simple situation - I'm so thankful for the changes in my life that've reduced my focus on me and turned my eyes and heart more towards others.

There'll be happiness and joy within the community of the only church in town.  They'll be a sort of organism that values each of their unique parts - they'll know it takes all of the parts of a body for it to function as He designed.  Praise God for the Body of Christ worked out in the Light.

Just for today...

"Many a solution to a difficulty of my own has come to me while I was helping someone else."  One Day at a Time (p. 304)

October 20th - Acting in love in spite of fear

The story...

For about a year, I invested time with people living in an independent care facility - the workers, the residents, and visitors too - a person that I loved resided there.  Almost everything about that atmosphere is welcoming and my initial interactions were good; yet, I'm not sure if they'd truly want me to intervene within their lives - to love and be loved.

One day, I planned to leave my home at 10:45 AM to spend about 1.5 hours there.  It was just a plan so I wasn't sure that I'd follow through with it.  I expected that the force(s) that seemingly inhibited, or resisted, this seemingly "good" activity are fears that I'm unconscious of.  Here's a list of those fears that I was able to discern.  They're ranked according to my perceived likelihood that they'd deter my visit.  It's strange that these fears may hold me back from working out a doable, loving, activity that certainly fits within my "constitution."

• End-of-life situations experienced
• Perceived rejection
• Time invested that I could or should've spent elsewhere
• Periods of time when I don't know what to do - abiding
• Frequent thoughts of wanting to escape - get out of there
• Idea that I'm doing this to demonstrate that I'm a "good boy" - a "brag" story
• Strange interactions with people who've limited abilities to communicate
• Uncomfortable smells and sounds

There will be inertia to love and act out that love within the only church in-town.  They'd love and act out that love both within and outside their community.  There'll be a sort of supernatural sense of being or condition for those who are actively loving God, themselves and their neighbors too.  Infected with love?

Just for today...

"I've lost many, many hours waiting to solve a problem or be freed of a character defect. Today I am learning to make room in my life for the wonders that life has to offer."  Courage to Change (p. 294)

"Fear is a feeling, not an action. Courage is not the absence of fear. It's choosing to act with love in spite of fear."  Hope for Today (p. 294)

September 29th - A listening experiment

The story...

I will to listen better today.  Yes, I plan on running an experiment today - I intend to fully listen to others to better understand them and to apply what I learn to me and my life.  I wonder if I can both make it through a whole day and if I can actually maintain an interest in others.  Of course that means I must put myself out there in the presence of other people and engage in conversation too.  I can do this experiment; yet, will I?  Do I need to remind myself?  I'm turning off the computer now so that the experiment might begin.

Later that morning I received some news that changed my experiment.   I expect that I was kind and listened well yet that wasn't my focus.  The trivial was forgotten in light of the new news that focused my attention.  I couldn't help but listen to the reality of life - my ears were wide open.

People living together within the only church in town will drift less frequently into an imaginary reality due to the light of God's Word shining on reality.  And, they'll tend to actually care for, and have a true interest in, other people.  Yes, this is a place where there're things that you'll want to listen to - the truth about Him, us, and the future.  Do you want to be with or without Him - "listen up."

Just for today...

"What I learn from negative comments can be useful in opening my mind to my own wrong thinking."  One Day at a Time (p. 273)

"It is the disease of not listening . . . that I am troubled with."  William Shakespeare

September 1st - Self-Care

The story...

Should I put on my favorite old t-shirt or that button-downed collared shirt?  Why take a shower if no one will notice?  Why put the books back on the book shelf?  I'll probably need them tomorrow.  Why get my hair cut?  It doesn't look too bad.  Why vacuum the carpet once per week?  I really don't notice the difference.  Why not eat and entertain ourselves the way that we normally do?  Why study the bible?  Netflix has programming designed to entertain, teach, and satisfy and it'll give us something to talk about.

Do I take good care of myself?  Am I worth taking good care of myself?  Do I take good care of myself for me or to appease others?  Is it okay to love yourself and enjoy your life?  These are good questions and they seem to fall under that heading of self-care.  

Do I practice self-care first to develop a sense of love and value for me?  Or, do I focus on understanding, valuing, and loving me to open up my will for practicing self-care?

The only church in town will spread the good news that God's provided the way for you to be loved and safe within the hands of God.  You're valued and can enjoy an everlasting relationship with God in Christ.  God even says that the same Holy Spirit who raised Christ from the dead will reside within you as evidence of your saving faith.  By His shed blood our sins are forgiven - we can be right with God.  His resurrection proves He's both God and has the power to resurrect you with an everlasting life and new body too.  Man, that's good news.  Take good care of yourself - you're truly worth it.

Just for today...

"When our problems enclose us and saturate our thoughts, we find ourselves in an insolation that gives us an acute sense of loneliness . . . Dwelling on our troubles only shuts out a world that is waiting to be enjoyed."  One Day at a Time (p. 245)

January 20th - Do I unconsciously hurt myself?

The story...

I was driving home from work and saw a boy crash rather badly on the sidewalk.  I felt a strong need to stop and help him yet I didn't.  Strangely, my conscience stung and my inner-man hurt by not coming to the aide of another person who was hurting.  In what other ways might I be unconsciously hurting myself?  

When I obsessively think - I hurt myself.   When I neglect to do or say what's on my heart to another person - I hurt myself.  When I'm so comfortable with what I already know or believe to the point of no longer being curious - I hurt myself.  When I ignore a person who looks my way - I hurt myself.  When I stay in my La-Z-Boy recliner instead of going and doing - I hurt myself.  When I don't listen to understand those who might help my physical or mental health - I hurt myself.  When I develop routines and a schedule that doesn't allow for me to care for others  - I hurt myself.  When I neglect relationships - I hurt myself.  When I ask for seconds on a food serving that'll likely contribute to poorer health - I hurt myself.  When I'm not thankful and content - I hurt myself.  When I don't love me or my neighbor - I hurt myself.  When I'm not quiet and listening within my relationship with God in Christ - I hurt myself.  When I'm not truthful about me - I hurt myself.

So, why do I hurt myself?  It's likely that the cause has something to do with my being a self centered pleasure seeker by nature.  Yes, I hurt myself when I indulge in my self-focus promotion and selfishness.  The only church in town will share God's solution that promises real freedom from the tyrannical leadership of self - they call it the Gospel truth.  

Just for today...

"I cannot hurt others without hurting myself."  One Day at a Time (p. 20)

"Anger is the punishment we give ourselves for someone else’s mistake.”  Unknown

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1 (NASB)

December 29th - Plant your foot solidly and securely

 The story...

My feet had bunions, tight tendons to my toes, and almost no arch.  To make matters more challenging, one of my legs was/is about 1/4" longer.  Some of these limitations, and those partially caused by them, were corrected by surgery.  These changes allowed me to move more stably.

It feels good and right to plant your foot - the rest of your body parts, including the lumbar region of my spine, rely on that firm footing.  My lower back is currently impinging my spinal cord which is sending nerve impulses to my brain which I interpret as negative and painful.  Those "pain" signals trigger unwanted reactions, thoughts, and changes in my behavior.  I wanna be better.

The following article is from the 12/26/23 edition of the Wall Street Journal.  It claims that I might change my perception of some of the nerve signals that originate from my pinched spinal cord.  "The cause is brain sensitization rather than physical injury . . . verbally reappraising the sensations as a false alarm and noting it so that it's not considered threatening or painful."  Yes, I can live a better life by more accurately sensing, perceiving, and acting on reality.  That makes sense to me and seems like right thinking - in response, I'm planning on reappraising my nerve signals. I'll give it a try in reality.

Within the only church in town you'll learn the value of placing your step solidly within God's will. That firmer foundation allows for sustainable growth centered and planted in reality - the seen and the unseen.  I'm not talking about an imaginary world where a group all agrees in a sort of blind hope - It's a about real relationships and better lives worked out together in the Light of God's revealed Word.  It's the place to be - fruit bearing along the way.

Just for today...

"Did I demand to much? Am I being confronted with a natural reprisal for my rigid, uncompromising attitude? . . . If we hurt someone or demanded to much of them, swift retribution may dismay or infuriate us . . . I may feel ever so justified in "taking a stand," but let me consider whether it was something I did that led to the crisis."  One Day at a Time (p. 364)

December 27th - Shared stories

The story...

By taking the time to care and listen, I heard what it was like to be flogged as punishment for violating a law by entering a middle-east country with a 3.4 oz. bottle of alcohol.  Men have told me what it's like to worship the sun, Mohammad, Buddha, and their Messiah in many different ways.  People who worship God charismatically have always been interesting to hear out when they felt less guarded and more trusting.  A man shared what it was like to only remember clearly what'd happened about 60 years ago or before.  A 30-year-old woman explained what it was like to be an illegal immigrant from Russia while we recreated on a boat in Texas - they're required to read classic literature in Russian high schools.  A landlord explained what it was like to be free from the obligations of the Lutheran church in Duluth, MN - she had a hard time believing that I chose to go church when no one would know the difference.  A woman shared how it felt to be excommunicated from her church in Tennessee for cutting her hair.  Many older people have described how their more honest assessment of their self and humble worship and trusting in God's provision have brought contentment and peace in situations that were unimaginable to me.  A Buddhist professor explained how he valued the contentment afforded by not perceiving situations as either good or bad.  All of these conversations are precious to me and are part of the width, length and height of my story too.

What a joy to be able to seek to understand another person in conversation.  To be willing to listen to and understand a part of how their life worked out - what they value too.  I especially appreciate listening to people who are significantly different from me.  As I ponder those that I remember, I'm so thankful for each one - I can't imagine giving up what I've learned from other lives.  People's shared experiences and hearts are such a joy to me - truly precious.  It saddens me to hear of people who remain isolated from others and seek to find contentment through a relationship with a pet.

The only church in town will value the variety of lives that makes up their congregation as they worship in a common faith.  I love my church family and appreciate all who came before me, traveled with me, and those who I will interact with in the days I have left.  I wonder how many more breaths I will be given traveling on this spinning orb?

Just for today...

"...no one person's view is totally complete . . . I can be grateful for the chance to see that there are countless ways to looking at life . . . I use to take disagreements personally. One of us had to be wrong, and my position had to be accepted! . . . I don't have to invalidate anyone else's views in order to validate my own . . . Today I will respect someone's right to think differently."  Courage to Change (p. 362)

December 1st - Caring for others "in secret?"

The story...

Why is it helpful to keep our kind deeds or gifts secret?  Maybe it prevents unhealthy attachment to others for our own sake or benefit?  Maybe giving in secret helps us model outwardly an inward hope or reality in our hearts?  Maybe it allows us to actually experience the offering of love to another person - experiencing grace?   Maybe it's an outward way to resist our central tendency to promote and protect self?  Maybe it feels right because it intrinsically consistent with a good heart?

“1. Take care not to practice your righteousness in the sight of people, to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven. 2. So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, so that they will be praised by people. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. 3. But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4. so that your charitable giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."  Matthew 6:1-4  (NASB)

Matthew exposes a selfish motive for giving and suggests an abnormal alternative.  This secret type of giving may be evidence of a good heart - one who does not need the approval of others or is worried about not having enough.  At a minimum, it describes a heart that wants to walk right with God and their fellow man - loving your neighbors as yourself.

The only church in town will proclaim God's truth, shining light on the darkness around us, making sense of even our motives behind giving.  It'll be a place where people can come to a right position with God in Christ.  Then they're able to work out this life with a confident hope - characterized by love and joy expressed from their innermost beings.  One that might naturally give in secret - gracefully.  Yet, much of these internal realities will be hidden within guarded people who work out their lives within a world that's dark - without reason for hope.

Just for today...

"Have I made progress in my effort to correct my faulty attitudes? Have I let discouragement plunge me back into my old habit patterns? When something I did had consequences that made life difficult for me, did I try to blame someone else?"  One Day at a Time (p. 336)

"I began to see that my way of caring often meant reacting and manipulating. I'd do something nice for someone because I wanted to be liked . . . Sometimes I wanted to attach myself and feed off someone mentally, emotionally, and spiritually . . . Sometimes what I call "love" is really just control."  Hope for Today (p. 336)