September 3rd - Why not enjoy other people as they are?

The story...

I sat down at the table with only one person sitting there.  It seemed rude to squeeze in with my friends when this guy was by himself.  He seemed uncomfortable, with me sitting with him, yet appreciating the company.  Another guy sat with us too.  Neither of them seemed to want to listen to my take on the questions and topics posed to the group - they've heard me freely express my thoughts, ideas and will before.  So, I focused on better understanding each of them without stepping out to share my own perspectives which I've refined over the years.  The conversation was smooth and balanced - everybody seemed to win.  Better lifestyle practices were worked out - less preaching, pontificating or recommending.  It felt good for my behavior and intentions to be more aligned; yes, I seemed to be more true to me and to the group too.  I wanna live like that more often without trying - actually caring for others.  The bar seems low, easy to do, yet I expect even my most focused effort to change my behavior will take much longer than I imagine unless I "actually" love my neighbor as myself.

Teddy Roosevelt - A really good listener

The only church in town will be a place to develop meaningful relationships to walk through life with.  Most importantly, our relationship with "That in Which There is No Greater."

Just for today...

"I realized that there was little I could change about the situation. All I could change was my response to it."  Hope for Today (p. 247)

"What am I doing that creates difficulties for me or aggravates the ones I have? Could it be that I'm trying to fix everything by finding fault with somebody else?"  One Day at a Time (p. 247)

"Strive to be patient; bear with the faults and frailties of others, for you, too, have many faults which others have to bear. If you cannot mould yourself as you would wish, how can you expect other people to be entirely to your liking? For we require other people to be perfect, but do not correct our own faults." Tomas Kempis - The Imitation of Christ (Ch. 16)

August 20th - The Coach and the Whiner

The story...

He pondered my question and replied with a coaches honest, and most practical, reply.  My question: "How did you know if one of your football players was really hurt?"  He said: "It's easy, the whiners aren't hurt and the non-whiners are."  I've shared that story with 100's of other people.

Have I lived too much of my life as a whiner?  I don't think so yet I have.  I've had countless: scrapes, cuts, sprains, bruises, aches, head aches, loss of capability, financial losses, out-of-normal test results, missed job opportunities, and "no" answers.  Yet, the sun came up and shined light on a new day.  The darkness was illuminated and shown to be much better than I imagined.

I'm the old guy now who has more time and opportunities to listen, understand, and throw a ray of light, albeit somewhat dim, on other life journeys.  Do I have to be "mister right," the "wise owl," or the "great coach?"  No, it seems better to listen to understand, let'em know they're loved, shine some light on their darkness, and honestly/humbly walk side-by-side as a fellow life traveler.

"Footprints in the Sand" - A Most Wonderful Poem

How about taking a risk and attending the only church in town this week?  There you'll find light that can help you make sense of your darkness and fellow travelers who you might walk side-by-side with towards...

Just for today...

"Teach me to think straight, and not to take offense at criticism which is meant as loving guidance."  One Day at a Time (p. 233)

A good coach gives both constructive criticism and encouragement.

"...turning to emotionally unavailable people for support, and engaging in self-doubt and hate . . . I now see that these and other traits, not other people, are the source of my anguish." Hope for Today (p. 233)

"When I begin to accept myself exactly as I am, life will feel a lot more gentle."  Courage to Change (p. 233)

July 26th - Why listen to them?

The story...

Some people, with peaceful hearts, do seem to love other people better and more naturally listen to them.  Yet, it seems that most people, who are primarily focused on themselves, have a hard time learning to listen well.  I experienced most of my life trying to be a good listener yet my mind naturally drifted back to me an what I wanted to communicate.  I practiced self-help listening methods to the point that most people would claim that I was a good listener.  The benefits of my efforts to try to be a good listener were illusive.  The truth was, I was more interested in me than them or what they had to say.

Manfred Mann's Earth Band (1976)

My heart has changed and I now do love other people more and truly want to understand them and their stories.  I believe it's a work of the Spirit of God in my life.  Praise God that I'm freer to love and be loved.

Why would I choose to return to a more self-focused life?  I greatly value my relationships and listening to better understand.  Seeking first to understand truly is an important part of both starting and growing relationships.

Yes, I'd choose to attend the only church in town, share the Word of God, and work out my faith with co-sojourners.  I am a Christ-one and will be no other.

Just for today...

"As a child in a _______ home, I wasn't encouraged to share my viewpoints. When I did, I didn't feel as though anyone was listening. Someone always ended up walking away hurt or angry. . .  I've learned not to use my authority to push my viewpoint or to punish someone for disagreeing with me. I've also learned to avoid controversy by listening and encouraging others to share their viewpoints when making decisions."  Hope for Today (p. 208)

"We can't seem to get around to thinking about what we may be doing that damages us. . . Do I seek relief from my resentments by retaliation, instead of forgiveness? . . .What shall it profit a man to be right if he thereby make an enemy?"  One Day at a Time (p. 208)

July 5th - Detach with Love and Let'em Live

The story...

I was a manager who assigned an important project to a person who worked for me.  So, I stopped by his office multiple times to check on how well it was going and to offer help.  He later stopped in my office and told me that it bothered him when I checked on his work so much.  It seemed to him, that I was showing that I didn't trust him or his capability to complete the project without my help - my "checkups" made him anxious.

I was surprised by his feedback yet couldn't doubt its authenticity.  I could have disregarded the feedback by discrediting the sender; yet, he was a good man.  Over time, I did change the way I worked with people within my work groups.  Yet, I didn't apply the principle too well to other areas of my life.  I was beginning to learn the value of detachment and to trust others with their own lives - to treat them more fully with dignity and respect.  

Today, I rarely have an opinion regarding what another person should do with their lives.  I enjoy understanding others more and have developed more meaningful and less guarded relationships with others.  It seems that my life is more influential as I walk side-by-side others rather than giving them unwanted advice.  Might unwanted advice be disguised criticism?

Co-dependent or Independents within Community?

Within the only church in town, would others have opinions regarding how I ought to live out my own life?  They can't possibly know my heart or God's will for my life.  They'd know and share what God's revealed regarding Who He is, who we are as His creatures, and how we might humbly and honestly walk with Him.  I hope that the people would be vulnerable and feel safe enough to share the reality of their faith worked out in the actualities of their lives.  Yet, God's timing and His will for each person's life remains hidden until it's worked out between God and each person.  

Why not live and let live?  Can you trust them with their lives?

Just for today...

"... detachment is the freedom to own what is mine and to allow others to own what is theirs. . . I can detach and still love, still feel."  Courage for Change (p. 187)

July 3rd - Group Understanding and Consensus within the Light

The story...

We were hiring a new engineer and our new group-consensus recruiting process had filtered down the list of candidates to two.  We used a group interview and scoring process.  Both people were very different and the group was split regarding who was expected to best both perform the job and work well within the group(s) and organization.  I vocally supported my candidate as part of the minority.  I accepted the group's decision to offer the job to the other guy yet I was a bit frustrated by both the process and the resulting decision.  As the years went by, it was clear that the group made the right decision - "they were right and I'm glad I listened."  Yes, I'm a believer in a group interviewing and decision making process.  Maybe each person's perspective does shine light on the fuller implications of the decision making process?

The only church in town would value all people and seek to understand them in both the light of day and God's revelations.  Might we find answers to the question of how we fit into His Will there?  How do we understand God's Will for ourselves, others, and the group when we aren't capable of knowing our own heart?  I expect that the only church in town would focus on right relationships between God, me, and my fellow congregates too.  Yes, they would follow the greatest commandment to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, mind, and strength.  And, to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.  Shining the light of God on relationships, decisions, and plans for the future too. 

In my limited experience, God does intervene in my life in a continuous way.  His Word and Spirit do seem to validate my walk within His will with a sense of peace.  When my soul wanders and seeks to glorify my imagined self, the Spirit of God convicts me and restores our working relationship - a work of God.  It surprises me when my soul is at peace when my circumstances seem to say I "should" be thinking and feeling otherwise.

Just for today...

"I do not know what is best for other people.  Today I will remember that newcomers, and everyone else, are in the hands of a Power greater than myself."  Courage to Change (p. 185)

May 6th - "You don't know what you don't know."

The story...

I wish I would've received more honest feedback throughout my life.  I expect that people often didn't feel safe delivering their perceptions or ideas to me.  What would I say and how would I react?  I wrote most of my own performance appraisals; yet, I sincerely appreciated those that were written by my supervisor with constructive feedback and a clearer view towards what "better" might look like.  I truly did act on much of the feedback and became a better employee and person along the way.  

Strangely, one of my favorite sayings is "you don't know what you don't know."  Those ideas, or truths, fit into one of the  four quadrants in the following diagram - this diagram continues to be very helpful for me.  As a teacher, I've this need to explain what this grid is and how it might best be applied.  Yet, it's self explanatory.  You'll likely desire to increase the size of your quadrant "A" and more honestly assess the amount of potential knowledge to be found in each of your quadrants.

As I've grown as a person, I believe quadrants "A" and B" have become bigger and that quadrants "C" and "D." have become smaller.  As humans, I expect that we vastly minimize the size of quadrant "D."

The only church in town would hopefully grow their congregant's knowledge found in quadrants "A," "B" and "C."  Working out the unknowns in quadrants "B", "C" and "D," that're revealed only in God's Word, are a primary reason for the church.

Just for today...

"I put so much energy into hiding the truth that, although no one rejected me, I was as isolated and lonely as if they had."  Courage to Change (p. 127)

"I wasted large portions of my day lost in daydreams, rewriting the past with happy endings and doling out justice to those who had caused me harm."  Hope for Today (p. 127)

April 17th - Try Giving Up Trying

The story...

Dale Carnegie wrote the book "How to Win Friends & Influence People."  I'm not a big fan of self-help books but this one's a gem.  Self-help books often teach ways that people are asked to "try" to be better - ways they aren't capable of following due to inherent personal flaws.  For me, "do" is a much better word than "try" - "try" suggests that failure's a likely outcome.

I've read, and listened to, Carnegie's book about ten times. It's crazy good and helpful.  I've found myself thinking on and "doing" his suggestions throughout my life with good result.

One of my favorite characters in the book is Teddy Roosevelt.  He knew each of the White House servants by name. The night before a person visited the White House would find him reading about what was most interesting to the visitor.  If the boy was interested in sailboats then he read about sailboats.  Those people loved him back and Teddy grew and grew to become...  

The only church in town would be characterized by love.  A growing love within the umbrella of the Spirit of Christ.  Congregates, within this Body of Christ, would increasingly listen and love as they "do" or work out the reality of their lives as individuals and together too within community - actually interested in, listening to, and caring for each other..

Just for today...

"My best efforts to be noticed, listened to, appreciated, and loved were failing. . . As I focused my actions on a loving principle, my character defect of craving attention from people who couldn't give it was removed."  Hope for Today (p. 108)

"If the group's plans seem designed to benefit the greatest number of people, I can usually support them.  I don't mean that I ignore my own needs and feelings - I express them.  But others have needs too, and I must respect them."  Courage for Today (p. 108)

April 4th: Paddle forward

The story...

I woke before my traveling partner on Cherokee Lake in the BWCA.  It took a lot of work to paddle and portage in the day before - I actually carried our canoe over the Continental Divide.  It was way worth it - beautiful and serene.  We were the only group camped on the secluded lake that day.  We actually trolled for, caught, and ate lake trout the night before.  It was a crisp sunny morning on the island - you know I was actually cold.  Yet, my morning hour was one of the best parts of this canoe-only accessed wilderness. 

Someone told me how surprised they were of what they saw and learned by focusing on one square yard of earth for one-half hour.  I invested the time, on this rocky island and was surprised and thankful for what I witnessed.  There's a lot going on around us that we aren't aware of.   I actually saw a bug die, disassembled by ants, and pulled down a hole into the earth.  The close observation seemed to fill in missing pieces of the bigger view of Cherokee Lake - what's really going on.

Take a paddle from the island we camped on.

Life's worked out in the present.  I hope that the only church in town would teach about what God's done, who He is, who we can be in Christ, and the reasons for our hope.  Yet, the group would primarily focus on working out their faith, walking humbly with God, in the present - in actuality.  How about taking another look around already?

Just for today...

"Today I'll be keenly aware of my senses. I will think about what I am experiencing at this moment. I won't let the beauty of this day slip by unnoticed." Courage to Change  (p. 95)

"A searching and fearless moral inventory helped me see myself in a balanced way. This humble and realistic view of my gifts and shortcomings helped me forgive myself and in turn forgive others..." Hope for Today (p.95)

April 2nd - What's going on?

The story...

It's the summer of 1977 and I'm working on a sled gang for the Burlington Northern railroad - summer job.  Sled gangs replaced old railroad ties with new ties that're covered with thick-black creosote.  The car pooling drive was long, the creosote burned my skin, the work was fatiguing, I experienced back muscle spasms, and I drank so much water that I used my hard hat as a cup. Yet, it paid over $6/hr.

Most of the job was "high spiking."  There was a machine that ran on the tracks that automatically drove the spikes; but, it didn't always work.  So, young guys like me drove in some of the spikes with a maul.  As you can see in the picture, the spike head is real close to the rail.  If, or when, you hit the rail there is a loud ding.  All the gang hears it and the foreman yells at you.  Why?  Every train car that rides over that flat spot is going to feel that until they replace the rail.  I remember hitting the rail a bit more than most people and the foreman's yell stung.

So, one day I was sitting by myself taking a break.  The dreaded foreman came over and sat down next to me.  He says: "Have you ever drank beer out of a straw?"  I couldn't believe that he was threatening me like that.  Then he followed that line up with: "I've had to learn how to since I broke my jaw when I got hit by the backswing of a maul.  My jaw's wired shut."  So, for weeks I thought that the foreman was snarling at me every time he attempted to talk with me.  In reality, his jaw was wired shut and I mistook his helpful attempts as personal attacks.  My number of rail hits dropped significantly after that welcomed conversation. 

I hope that people within the only church in town will be less guarded.  Hopefully, most of the people would be trusting God more than "self" and be a bit less guarded too.  They'd be capable of taking their eyes off themselves and have a better understanding of what's actually going on.

Just for today...

"As I become less self-centered, I will have stronger defenses against being hurt by slights and injustices. Minor crises will not loom large because I will not allow myself to magnify them out of proportion to their importance."  One Day at a Time (p. 93)

"I think I've developed an understanding of God that I don't fully understand." As We Understood... (p. 227)

April 1st - The Critic

The story...

What's true about that acute or overt criticism that I receive?  A wise person told me that criticism often has an element of truth in it - the wise man values criticism for what he might discover.  The "feedback" may be a truth, or perception, that we aren't aware of or have minimized.  Honest awareness and consideration of faults, or perceptions, can be like the value of a fine pearl.  You must work to open the shell, take it out, assess the value, and then decide what to do with it.

It's likely harder for a person, who has deep-felt emotions, such as shame and guilt, to truly listen.  It's easier to criticize the message sender and discredit the message than honestly considering it's validity.  

I wish I'd never criticized a preacher - especially in front of my children.  Rather, I wish I'd have developed closer relationships with them so that we both might've grown together - even through infrequent constructive criticism.

I expect the only church in town would have preachers and leaders who model wise behavior.  For me, being open to receiving criticism is part of continual growth in both me and my relationships too - pearls. 

Just for today...

"The contented, well adjusted person has no need to look for flaws in others . . . criticism has the effect of pushing love right out of the picture. This in turn, leads us to feeling sorry for ourselves because people do not respond to us as we would like them to."  One Day at a Time (p. 92)

January 24th - Do you look at your car manual - is it the right manual?

The story...

The car manuals that I received with my Subaru are at least 3" thick.  I rarely look at the manuals yet have a few times - they're helpful.  Normally, I'll go to a search engine to find: my windshield wiper lengths, the right light bulb, or how to replace the cabin air filter.  Yet, sometimes I need to learn about the car and I'm not really sure what to ask.  Then, I go to the manual to learn about the car - often I'm surprised of what I didn't know.

Once upon a time,  I purchased a new dishwasher and installed it myself.  I actually gathered the family and we took turns reading the manual.  We actually learned what all the buttons did and how to most efficiently and effectively load the dishwasher.  It was such an odd thing to do as a family that most of us still remember the day we learned about the dishwasher.  I still load the dishwasher the same way that we learned that day.

Are we so self reliant that we don't need to learn from anyone else - even the designers and manufacturers of the products that we purchased to serve us?  Our bodies didn't come with a manual and much of the stuff inside me remains a mystery to me.  I don't even know the vocabulary for most of my inner parts let alone how they actually function and interact.  It seems that some of us don't like to be taught anything unless we're forced to.

This is my 357th daily post to this blog.  When printed, it will likely be as thick as my Subaru manuals.  What'll I do with the completed book?  Will I continue to edit or add to it?  Will it sit on a table at my memorial service unread?  Is my manual so different than everyone else's that it won't be applicable?  The writing process and results have certainly been helpful and joyful for me - it's helped me to be more grounded in reality.

The only church in town will study and apply the manual for living out a good and righteous life.  I've learned that the manual writers were directed to write according to the Creator's wishes.  He wishes that we know enough about Him and what's going on inside of us to seek, trust and obey Him.  Why?  So that we can be free of the entanglements of sin, bear fruit, enjoy loving relationships, and live out a right relationship with God throughout our days under the sun; "now and forevermore."

Just for today...

"I will dare to be myself . . . I will be honest with myself as I do so - I will not pretend to feel what I do not feel or to want what I do not want . . . I can only learn to love myself if I am willing to learn who I am."  Courage to Change (p. 24)

January 8th - Being quiet with God - the good place to be.

The story...

Oh... to be rightly related with God, enjoying who He is and expectantly listening for His direction through creation, other people, His revealed Word, fruit born through us, and through the Spirit of Christ too.  That's a good place to be.  I plan on being quiet today with open ears and an open heart.

The only church in town will share the reality of God, our Creator, and the extraordinary life pilgrimage and hope that we can enjoy in Christ.  We can leave the cares of the world aside, abide in Christ, and bear His fruit until we breathe that last breath (John 15:4).

Just for today...

"During my daily quiet time, I try to focus all my attention on God. When I take my problems to Him, I try to leave them there and keep my focus of attention on Him."  As We Understood (p. 196)

December 22nd - Being aware an engaging in the present

The story...

I wonder how much of our thinking life is actually spent thinking about the past (maybe 20%), engaging in the present reality (maybe 50%), or thinking about future realities (maybe 30%)?  Given enough time, I expect that we all would agree that it's best to live in the present where life actually occurs.  If we did so, I expect that our memories would be richer, and our future moments better lived.

A group of friends, and a book, introduced me to the benefits of living more fully in the present where life actually occurs.  They introduced me to the acronym S.T.E.A.M.: Senses, Thoughts, Emotions, Actions, and Mindfulness.  I practiced mindfulness by going through each of the letters when I found myself excessively reliving the past or worrying about future possibilities - I often did this on hiking trails.  First, I checked my five senses.  Second, I examined my current thoughts.  Third, I identified my emotions.  Fourth, I was honest with what I was doing.  Lastly, I enjoyed the peacefulness of rightly living in the present - being mindful.

Yes, I painted this...

The only church in town will introduce you to the spiritual realities that may have previously escaped your detection.  Yes, God communicates and works out life, with His creation, in the present.  So... I added an "S" to the acronym, S.T.E.A.M.S., to stand for my spirit and God's Spirit relating within the unseen spiritual reality.  Yes, there is a spirit/Spirit reality.  Why not pray now, one-on-one with God, and together within the only church in town?

Best definition of wisdom I've ever heard:  "Live for today, plan for tomorrow, and think on eternity."

Just for today...

The Contemplative Life:  "...prayer is available any time, any place. It is undetectable to outside eyes, but it bears a seed of transformation that can bring the most unmanageable situation into perspective."  Courage to Change (p. 357)

"I wondered how I could pray without feeling false . . . my rigidity was a wall that hid my fear . . . Now I am gentler with myself and others.  Acceptance of my self-doubts enabled me to start turning away from the "musts" and "shoulds."  Hope for Today (p. 357)

December 18th - W.A.I.T.: Why Am I Still Talking?

The story...

When I was young, I was a bit awkward and felt a tad outside the groups that I longed to be accepted by.  I learned to find acceptance by being interesting, funny, and engaging in group situations - the "story teller."  The persona I worked out seemed to help me be accepted - to feel okay.  My "style" of being might've been less problematic if I'd learned to listen to and respect others too - wanting the same for others as I wanted for myself. 

George Costanza leaves on a high note.

I was talking when I should've been listening, understanding, and growing.  Where did I miss the lesson that it's better to first understand than to be understood (Steven Covey)?  Did I talk to much in an effort to be respected and accepted?  Yes, the acronym W.A.I.T. would've been helpful for me in conversation: Why Am I Talking?

When the word of God is read in the only church in town, might we listen rather than seek to find ways to invalidate "The Message?"  The message will likely conflict with our self concept of how the world works best for us.  Many of us construct, an operate within, and elaborate "house of cards," virtually erected, through our imagination and mental gyrations - reality is a better place to live.

Just for today...

"I will not yield to my compulsion to go on talking after I have made my point - and what I say will have a direct relevance to the subject of the meeting."  One Day at a Time (p. 353)

"Walls are disappearing, and love and community are growing and expanding."  Hope for Today (p. 353)

November 26th - Relationships - Good "Vibes" - Like tennis?

The story...

My close relationships are very important to me.  They require an investment of my whole self for focused periods of time.  Here's the glue that makes 'em stick for me:

• Who: similar personalities and journeys - ages from 35 yrs younger to 5 yrs. older.
• What: equal sharing, & listening, of life's reality & ideas for what is and might be.
• Where: at a coffee shop, restaurant, church, or via computer.
• When: every other week - convenient time of day - one to two+ hours.
• Why:  honestly sharing life-walks - giving & receiving - growing together.
• How: sharing equally without unrequested opinion - like a good game of tennis.

How is a good relationship like a good game of tennis?  You share equally by taking turns serving and returning the ball.  You treat each other with respect or you won't continue to play.  Must plan to meet periodically at a court and time that's okay for both.  You've similar goals for the tennis experiences.  You'll accommodate your partner as physical limitations happen.  The joy of returning their shot on the sweet-spot of your racquet, at the same level of energy, is invigorating - it's like you're fully connected yet being fully independent.  Conversation with a good friend is a lot like that.  Please don't even think about turning the joy of a relationship into a win-lose game like tennis might be.

The sweet-spot of the racquet is where the vibrations of the racquet cancel out and the forces are more fully transferred into the ball return.  Those vibrations are irritating, fatiguing and even harmful to our bodies.  Yes, a good conversation and a good tennis volley are similar.  We all know how fatiguing the unwanted "vibes" between people can be - they aren't okay within a close relationship - they continually wear down, erode, and destroy relationships.

The only church in town will be one group with a kind of personality of their own.  There'll be sub-groups that'll have their own personalities too.   Within these "purposed" groups you'll find opportunities to develop friendships with a person(s) similar to you.  These relationships will be like walking side-by-side through life focused on reality - the most important spiritual reality that truly lasts.  When we stray from the path, a friend can help us  "wake up" and return to the life-giving path.

We're blinded to this spiritual reality when we focus on ourselves and ignore who we actually are as creatures - creatures created by a living and active God.  He's interested and powerfully working through our todays, tomorrows, and our eternal future too - He says so.  Experiencing a relationship with Him in Christ is like no other.  

Just for today...

"... we don't tell anybody what to do. People only accept and use advice they're ready for . . . When I am asked for advice, I know only what I would do if I were faced with the same problem, and not what would be right for another."  One Day at a Time (p. 331)

"I learned to trust no one, to stay silent at all costs, to stuff my feelings, never to stand up for myself, to take on more responsibility than I could handle, to love conditionally, and to tell white lies to cover up my home life. No wonder as an adult I perceived that close interpersonal relationships were like constantly moving targets.  Usually I was the one who was moving because I lacked the skills to develop and maintain healthy adult relationships."  Hope for Today (p. 331)

November 24th - We're either getting better or worse - nothing stays the same.

The story...

Somebody told me that about their habit of seeking to discover at least one thing of value from every conversation.  Looking for those "golden nuggets" helped him to listen, and stay engaged, in what might've been a boring or taxing conversation.  The speaker appreciated the attentive listener - albeit offered with a selfish motive.  Yes, this is one way to win friends and influence people for your benefit - and the speaker's heard too.  Everybody wins - right?

The self-help book craze had a resurgence in the 1960s and continued strong for decades.  Yet, trying to be, or acting to be, somebody different than who you actually are, is wrought with problems.  Being a good actor in life, who's well received by others, seems like a good path; yet, being that good person and working out that reality more naturally seems better.  Yet, there's much reason to believe we often need to "fake it to make it" - how else do we become who we want to be?

There will be authentically good people who are interested in you, yes you, within the only church in town.  Some will be redeemed - walking more rightly and humbly with God - you'll be compelled to listen to their conversation, heart, and spirit/Spirit connection.  That's the power of God - when you receive . . . you won't desire anything better.  Surely, you'll drift away but He doesn't leave His adopted sons and daughters there long.  He loves those that are His.  The first and second greatest commandments is living within the "sweet spot."

Just for today...

"How many have given me a constructive idea to take away with me and use? That is the only measure of a truly valuable meeting."  One Day at a Time (p. 329)

"What can I do by day's end to improve myself? Is there something I can learn? Is there some challenge I can meet? Is there some old tired fear I can walk through and be rid of?"  Courage to Change (p. 329)

November 20th - Why listen to, or share, uncomfortable realities about me?

The story...

"What's my husbands name? . . . Do you even know how many kids I have? . . . Do you care? . . . It's all about you!"  This was the stinging message that I heard from one of my trusted reports.  She was making the claim that I cared for what she could produce and not truly for her as a person.  Whoa . . . the facts were clearly true . . . but wasn't the workplace suppose to be about work, accomplishment, and my objectives?  Wait, I meant to say "our" objectives - or did I?  As a supervisor I wasn't suppose to get too close or have favorites - was I?  I could justify my behaviors but it didn't sit well - I knew she was speaking "her" truth.   Was it possible to be the same good man in all of my endeavors?

Surely there were good examples out there - real people who still had their skin on 'em - not just some glorified biography of the ideal.  It happened when a guy was transferred to my department.  His current supervisor suggested that I witness his performance appraisal delivery.  I was surprised to see a virtuous man honestly and respectfully delivering his performance assessment along with their mutual understanding of their working relationship.  Wow ... I wanted to be more like him.  That great man, leader, and friend of many, died a few years later from cancer - life ain't fair.

The only church in town will be built on relationships - less guarded honest relationships.  Yet, we can't realistically expect to relate well with everyone or even most people.  We're all different and most are operating in another stage of life.  The community will be okay and respect all people as they "be."  Yet, they'll all share within a better way - trusting in God.

Just for today...

"Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want  to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."  George Bernard Shaw

"What about those times when I heard truths about myself that left me feeling angry, embarrassed, or upset? When given the occasion to hear or speak an uncomfortable reality, I have choices. I can hear it and grow, I can share it and grow, or I can ignore it in favor of maintaining my comfort zone."  Hope for Today (p. 325)

November 19th - If I practice not sharing opinions - will I replace them with a listening ear?

The story...

My career may have chose me - I'd practiced the habits, and developed the personality, to explain my perspective and win agreement.  My work practices, tools, and change management success carried over into other areas of my life too.  I became more: illustrative; flamboyant in my story telling; better at painting mental images to be commonly understood; succinct in posing the right question(s); and consistent in behaving according to my expected behavior.  Sometimes, the desired perspectives were those of the organization that I was part of and not necessarily my own.

The burden of working out my life, wearing different hats, took its toll.  The incongruity between my inner-man and the roles that I accepted was bothersome - dissatisfaction with parts of life.  My life was not characterized as peaceful - more like a never ending quest to model good behavior - be the best that I could be - measure up. So, I planned the long and arduous process of earning my PhD - "then life would be great."  It was a good change worked out for over 10 years and experienced for about 10 years.  I learned and grew much through my studies, research, dialog, enlarged mental models, building onto and protecting my share of the body of knowledge, teaching, and mentoring.  Yet, my inner-man needed something more.

A period of brokenness helped me wake up and see my strife and struggles more clearly - I needed help.  I accepted an offer for help and joined others who were also more-honestly becoming better people.  The lessons learned and applied were wonderful - I truly love all those people that I grew with.  My life became more congruent, peaceful, restful, thankful and engaging.

The only church in town will be a place where you will hear about a better way to be.  You will, meet those who are growing in a similar way and stage of life.  Over time, a few of those people may even become best friends who you can openly and honestly grow with.  Friends like that aren't required to live good a good life yet I wouldn't give 'em up without a fight.  True, they must be held loosely or it likely isn't true friendship.  Honestly seeking to understand, before being understood, is a good first step toward developing those good friendships.

Just for today...

Do you want to fix them for your own personal comfort or honestly for them?

If you wouldn't want somebody to say "it" to you then don't say "it" to anyone else.

November 11th - If you hold back your feedback or opinion - what might you learn?

The story...

What a great thing it is to spend time listening to others.  I expect that it's great for me because I've spent a relatively small portion of my life actually doing it well.  I especially appreciate listening to those who feel safe enough to lower their guard when together - lowering those protection devices that keep us safe from the imagined and real damage that others have and might inflict.  

Those guards, or boundaries, are important to keep us safe yet they also may be restraining us from experiencing unexpected treasure together.  The treasure box may reveal: insights, perspectives, interpretations, facts, ideas, happiness, joy, solutions, imagined realities, strong emotions, spiritual happenings, love experienced, road blocks, fundamental truth, inklings of what might be...  

Wow, I can hardly wait to listen to somebody new.  Where might I find the people and environment where I might risk listening, sharing, loving, and reaping this good stuff of life?  You probably guessed it - the only church in town.

Just for today...

"In the past I tried to control people, places, and things, believing that my way was the correct way . . . my way, based on insisting upon my will, did not work. Yet I kept trying. It was an insane way to live."  Courage to Change (p. 316)

So, you have a need to give somebody else feedback.  Is it true, kind, and necessary?

September 29th - A listening experiment

The story...

I will to listen better today.  Yes, I plan on running and experiment today - I intend to fully listen to others to better understand them and to apply what I learn to me and my life.  I wonder if I can both make it through a whole day and if I can actually maintain an interest in others.  Of course that means I must put myself out there in the presence of other people and engage in conversation too.  I can do this experiment yet will I?  Do I need to remind myself?  I'm turning off the computer now so that the experiment might begin.

Later that morning I received some news that changed my experiment.   I expect that I was kind and listened well yet that wasn't my focus.  The trivial was forgotten in light of the new news that focused my attention.  I couldn't help but listen to the reality of life - my ears were wide open.

People living together within the only church in town will have fewer opportunities to drift off into an imaginary reality due to the light of God's Word shining on the realities of each our lives.  Yes, this is a place where there are things that you will want to listen to - the truth about Him, us, and the future.  Do you want to be with or without Him - "listen up."

Just for today...

"What I learn from negative comments can be useful in opening my mind to my own wrong thinking."  One Day at a Time (p. 273)

"It is the disease of not listening . . . that I am troubled with."  William Shakespeare