The story...
Bill recommended I attend an AMA, American Management Association, new-manager seminar in Chicago. I wanted to be and do my best in my new manager role. What new tools and methods might I learn? I left the seminar with a small book that included phrases that could be inserted into performance appraisals if you couldn't think of the right message - I don't remember actually using the book although it felt good to have it on hand.
I wish that a mentor would've noticed my tendency to get into other people's business. Sure my intentions were good - I wanted to "help" them to be that "better" more "capable" person that I imagined they could be. When they had personal trouble, I tended to delve into their lives to "better" understand their situation, offer advise, and became involved in their work to "help" them along. It seemed that I was hoping for a sort of co-dependent relationship where they valued my part in their "growth."
Once, a high-performing engineer, in my group, was going through a personal situation that was significantly affecting his work. My efforts to intervene, with good intentions, were not working. A wiser, and more experienced, manager called me out on my "coddling," intrusive, and "Christian like" intervention. "You aren't helping him, you're enabling him to stay as he is and fail. Hold him accountable for the results, be available if he needs support, and get out of his way." The new approach worked and I changed my "management" style thereafter. I adopted a pattern of giving each person the dignity; respect; needed-support; and freedom to fulfill their roles, responsibilities, and assignments. The new management behaviors were good, reasonable, more natural, and better results followed. Some were not successful and moved on to a job or organization that was a better fit.
I wish I'd have adapted some of those principles within my personal life too. I eventually did, yet it took years for me to habitually offer most people the dignity and respect to be the unique person that they were without my "good intentioned" interference. I no longer concocted and pushed ways for them to be who I thought they "oughta" be. I saw myself acting like a little god - ugh.
The only church in town would allow people to more honestly live out their lives starting with where they actually are. Honest relationships would be available to help them work out their lives alongside other people above a foundation of truth. It seems to take people a lotta time to grow - much longer than you'd ever expected. The only church in town would be a patient, honest, loving, and respectful environment where God's will may be witnessed.
Just for today...
"She is getting unconscious satisfaction from managing other people's lives, while she imagines her intentions are only good . . . Heaven protect me from my good friends who, with only the best intentions, keep the wounds of my resentment open, weaken me by their pity, an justify my complaints." One Day at a Time (p. 256)
"Acceptance does not mean submission to a degrading situation. It means accepting the fact of a situation, then deciding what we will do about it . . . I will give myself time to accept my situation before I act." Courage to Change (p. 256)
"Cretan today; Pious tomorrow - Chameleon act; Deflated hope." Am I Poet?
No comments:
Post a Comment