July 19th - Why didn't you just ask?

The story...

I first saw it while I quickly ran down the stairs on Christmas morning.  There it was!   It was blue, my favorite color, shiny, big and a 5-speed.  My parents got me a man-sized bike for Christmas!  I don't remember begging for it yet I might've.  Maybe my mother felt my need when she saw that other kids had full-sized bikes and that I was still riding the hand-me-down bike.  Maybe they felt obligated to give it to me because they did the same for my older siblings.  It was a real need and it was met well.  It might've been part of the reason that I accepted a paper route that I kept for four years.  That paper route helped shape me into a better, more capable, person.  The paper route prepared me to accept my job as the drug-store delivery boy.  And the drug-story delivery boy job prepared me for...  Yes, that bike was a need that was worth asking for.

Mine wasn't a Schwinn but it did have a rack on the back.

I wanted so many things that I didn't ask for.  Why?  Maybe, I didn't' think that people would want to give them to me.  Or, I was comfortable with the way things were even though they weren't great.  Maybe, I developed coping skills that told me that I was better off than others and I didn't need anything - they were wrong and I was right.  Or, I didn't know if I was capable of using the thing if I got it.  Maybe, if I got it, I might lose it someday. Or, maybe I simply feared rejection.  Maybe, I wanted to be loved above all other things and the "no" answer would move the possibility of being loved even further away...

The only church in town would be a safe place where your need for love might best be understood and at least partially fulfilled.   Yes, our ultimate need is to love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind and strength.  And, to love our neighbor as ourself.  That kind of stuff sounds real good and worthy of asking for.

Just for today...

"If I want or need something, I have to let someone know.  I need to ask, which means taking risks.  Maybe my request will be granted; maybe it won't.  If it is, great. If it isn't, I'll still feel better for having asked, and then I can move on to someone else who might be able to help me."  Hope for Today (p. 201)

"Walls are solid and rigid; they keep others out, and they keep me trapped inside.  Boundaries are flexible, changeable, removable, so it's up to me how open or closed I'll be at any given time.  They let me me decide what behavior is acceptable, not only from others but from myself."  Courage to Change (p. 201)

March 17th - "Live and Let Live"

The story...

"Live and let live" is a life giving saying that suggests that we mind our own business and allow others the dignity and respect to live their own lives.  This frees us up from the burdens of "trying" to live out other people's lives - a burden that was never ours to carry.

My house has a deck out back with floodlights mounted under the eaves.  I enjoy working there when the weather's nice - the floodlight is above my head.  In the spring, invariably, a robin will attempt to build a nest above the flood light.  It was my habit to remove the nest, in various stages of build, three or even four times, before they gave up and moved elsewhere.  In 2021, I decided to practice "live and let live" and accommodate the robin.  I moved my "work" chair and endured the momma's chirping as she instinctually protected her chicks.  We even replanned gatherings that'd need the deck space.  Embarrassingly, I bragged about this good deed to all who would listen - "oh... what a proud man I can be."  One day, when the chicks were about ready to leave the nest, I witnessed a barred owl swoop down to the nest and swallow all the chicks.  My emotions ran deep.

What's the moral of the story?  Kill the barred owls!  Please don't, I love 'em.  Two of them are hooting "who cooks for you" as I write.  Do you "live and let live" at the risk of hurt and pain?  For me, I'll continue to "live and let live" but I'm also going to remove even the first twig from that lamp - I know better.  The barred owls in the woods are real.

Would the people of the only church in town be allowed the freedom to live out their own lives with dignity and respect?  I hope the answer is yes. Surely, we all need to be heard and  occasionally helped along our way.  Yet the risk of allowing people the freedom to live out their own lives is worth it.  Who knows what might happen as God works through the people of the only church in town.

Just for today...

"Before anyone else can pick up the ball, I need to be willing to drop it."   Hope for Today (p. 77)

"Difficult situations often bring out qualities in us that otherwise might not have risen to the surface, such as courage, faith, and our need for one another." Courage to Change (p. 77)

January 28th - How can you give $20 if it ain't in your pocket?

The story...

Once upon a time, I made an effort to be a more generous person - I saw people in need throughout my travels yet I hadn't purposed to give nor did I have the resources with me.  I reasoned that I was most likely to help people in need if I had USA currency in my wallet that was ready and designated for giving.  So, I began the habit of carrying four or five twenties for gifting.  My habit lasted for about a year; yet, I didn't give away many $20 bills.  

Carrying the money didn't open my eyes, heart, and habits enough to recognize, decide and go through the process of giving cash to help alleviate needs and offer love.  My effort to give money was about as clunky as that last sentence.  Maybe it was because my eyes primarily were focused on me - self?

Although that experiment didn't last, it did teach me more about myself and how I might better work out my life.  I believe that my heart is good and that people, in general, know that I care about them.  Yet, I've got to be true to who I actually am.  

This reminded me of my purpose statement for this blog that continues to be true:

Those who know me well might describe me as a life-long learner who values honesty and integrity. A story teller who loves working out his life with and through other people. As I progress through life, I continue to appreciate both my strengths and flaws. I know that I need to work out my life alongside other pilgrims in order to be a good actor in this epic story of life. Yet, the idea of being an actor is detestable. I wake up each day purposing to be the man I truly am. Ohh... to work out every minute within God's will - bearing fruit.

The only church in town will help you work out you natural talents and gifts in community.  There, you will hear about the Spirit of Christ that indwells His "believers."  He produces fruit within those who are His.  You can't work, or try, to muster up that kind of fruit through your own efforts.  Yet, you can truly bear His fruit of: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-in a way that will be unique to the person you were created to be.  That's the good stuff in life that I expect we'll all hunger for after our first taste.

Just for today...

"I cannot give to anyone else something I don't have. I learn to love myself enough to seek my own healing.  When I can love myself as I am, I'm better able to accept the human limitations of all God's other children."  Hope for Today (p. 28)

December 8th - "I thought you wanted to be an Uber driver?"

The story...

A friend of mine took on an Uber-driver job to earn some extra cash.  He earned the cash, yet more importantly, he expanded his knowledge of people, possibilities, and developed a propensity toward doing rather than merely pontificating and opinionating.  His personal growth from serving and respectfully communicating with a large variety of people was transforming.  Based on his success, I asked the Uber drivers who served me if they experienced similar benefits - they all did.  So, why don't I do the same with some of my open time as a retired engineer/teacher?

Yes, the Uber job seems to be a good fit for me.  I enjoy conversing with, caring for, and learning from other people.  And, I expect that the job would support my values: humility, service, respect, kindness...  I've the time available and I enjoy being with people.  If a friend asked me to drive them somewhere, I'd be happy and pleased to drive them.  So, I've decided to do it.  Yet, my car wasn't a good fit.  So, I ordered a 2024 Ford Maverick hybrid as a first step - the choice delayed my decision.  Strangely, the demand being far greater than supply resulted in my waiting for about two years for my small pickup truck.  My excuse for doing nothing was gone.  Will I find another excuse not to do this good thing?

Recently, I asked friends of mine if they thought that it would be okay for me to buy a "gaming" computer - I offered my justification.  All of them said that it seemed like a good idea, with caution, and only one challenged me: "This sounds like you might be isolating during that computer gaming time, I thought you were planning to serve and grow, in a humble way, as an Uber driver."  What a good friend - yes, we all need good friends.  I plan on starting Uber driving in March 2024 with my 2024 Ford Maverick - I'm motivated and excited about the possibilities.  Who knows what might happen?

The only church in town will offer "the" good reason to live, the best way to live, friendships and ways to work out faith in service.  Like my Uber choice, why not engage in your church community now?

Just for today...

"Am I heaping up resentments, excuses, and regrets that have the potential to destroy me?  I don't have to be buried under them before I address my own problems. I can begin today."   Courage to Change (p. 343)

December 1st - Caring for others "in secret?"

The story...

Why is it helpful to keep our kind deeds or gifts secret?  Maybe it prevents unhealthy attachment to others for our own sake or benefit?  Maybe giving in secret helps us model outwardly an inward hope or reality in our hearts?  Maybe it allows us to actually experience the offering of love to another person - experiencing grace?   Maybe it's an outward way to resist our central tendency to promote and protect self?  Maybe it feels right because it intrinsically consistent with a good heart?

“1. Take care not to practice your righteousness in the sight of people, to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven. 2. So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, so that they will be praised by people. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. 3. But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4. so that your charitable giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."  Matthew 6:1-4  (NASB)

Matthew exposes a selfish motive for giving and suggests an abnormal alternative.  This secret type of giving may be evidence of a good heart - one who does not need the approval of others or is worried about not having enough.  At a minimum, it describes a heart that wants to walk right with God and their fellow man - loving your neighbors as yourself.

The only church in town will proclaim God's truth, shining light on the darkness around us, making sense of even our motives behind giving.  It'll be a place where people can come to a right position with God in Christ.  Then they're able to work out this life with a confident hope - characterized by love and joy expressed from their innermost beings.  One that might naturally give in secret - gracefully.  Yet, much of these internal realities will be hidden within guarded people who work out their lives within a world that's dark - without reason for hope.

Just for today...

"Have I made progress in my effort to correct my faulty attitudes? Have I let discouragement plunge me back into my old habit patterns? When something I did had consequences that made life difficult for me, did I try to blame someone else?"  One Day at a Time (p. 336)

"I began to see that my way of caring often meant reacting and manipulating. I'd do something nice for someone because I wanted to be liked . . . Sometimes I wanted to attach myself and feed off someone mentally, emotionally, and spiritually . . . Sometimes what I call "love" is really just control."  Hope for Today (p. 336)