September 13th - What do I truly fear?

The story...

The surgeon showed me my spinal x-ray.  "Your spondylolisthesis between your L4 and L5 vertebrae is pinching that bundle of nerves which is causing pain in both your back and your lower extremities.  The surgery will align the two with metal rods and the impingements will be removed - of course their are risks."  My life wasn't doable, I opted for the surgery, there were complications that I suffered through, yet the eventual outcome was positive - my fears were alleviated.

spondylolisthesis - From Wikipedia

I don't characterize myself as a fearful person, yet there are things I fear.  The sum of my fears seem to fit within the following seven categories:

1. Changes within the "game of life" requiring adaptation
2. Living outside the will of God
3. Loneliness
4. Loss of loving relationships
5. Loss of security for me and those I love
6. Prison - loss of freedom
7. Rejection

The only church in town will shine the light of God's revealed Word on our reality.  The causes of our fear may remain yet solutions are attenable and available within the "Light."

Just for today...

"God grant me the wisdom to recognize the faults I am building into a wall, such a wall as cannot be penetrated even by love."  One Day at a Time (p. 257)

"Why does a dog bark? I feel terror when I'm on the receiving end of ferocious barking. I suspect that a dog barks because of his own fear. If the dog really wanted to attack, he'd dispense with the barking and lunge for me."  Hope for Today (p. 257)

May 24th - Shine the Light on Gossip

The story...

As a manager, I felt the need to "help" others find a solution to their problems and improve along the way.  When attempting to "fix" their problem, I sometimes mentioned another person's similar situation and retold how the other person worked through a solution that might apply in this situation.  I "did this" to a friend who worked for me and he later returned with the following helpful feedback:  "When you told me the story about my co-workers, I realized that you might say similar stories about me.  I lost trust in you - don't expect me to share much with you in the future."  The feedback was valuable yet it hurt - my behavior damaged a relationship and I had to admit that I was sharing gossip - ugh. 

I did this

I could've been a better listener and asked questions that might've helped the other person work out their own solutions.  The idea might've been indirectly brought into conversation without referencing another person.  This is a more respectful approach that'd likely improve the prospects of lasting personal improvement too.

Does this diabolical urge to fix, manage, and control other people somehow link with the pride of life and the "itch" to gossip?  It's all bad.  I wish I'd have shown every co-worker enough respect to never say anything about them that I'd not have said if they were present in the room. 

Gossip will be part of the only church in town - it's made up of real people.  People will feel hurt when a confidential matter's disclosed in public - reputations tarnished.  Trust is broken and the community begins to rust.  Gossiping is a harmful sin that points to a bad heart.  The Apostle Paul spoke to it directly:  Romans 1:29; 2 Corinthians 12:20; 1 Timothy 5:13; and 2 Thessalonians 3:11.  Within the only church in town, the preacher would speak God's revealed word before the community to shine "light" on gossip and expose sin's corroding effects.

Just for today...

"I will no longer hold a conversation about someone who isn't physically present in the room . . . Now we discuss our feelings about subjects applying only to us . . . Refraining from gossip and criticism keeps me focused on myself, and firmly established in reality."  Hope for Today (p. 145)

Seek God's will:  "Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire; the other is to get it."  Socrates

April 6th - The Rifleman

The story...

I knew a guy, from my dorm floor in college, who I coined the nickname: "The Rifleman."  The nickname stuck and we became pretty-good friends.  We both received hand-held Coleco football games for Christmas.

We began a friendly competition of scoring the most points on the skill-level 1 setting.  I'd set the record and he'd break it the next day.  Other people knew about our "game" and would mention the Rifleman's new high score while passing me on campus - "No way!"  I found that vibrating the eraser-end of a pencil was a good way to speed the red blip across the screen.  He copied me and even improved my method. I tried a variety of pencil erasers to get the best "action."  Inevitably, he'd break each of my records.  My behavior degraded to the point that I found myself in my dorm room, in the middle of a school day, sweating as I attempted to get that more perfect game and attain yet another high score.  That day, a good friend of mine barged into my room.  She was met by my anxious call to "don't bother me now, I've got a good one going!"   They said loudly and directly, "look what you're turning into, do you really want to live like this?"  To my surprise, I was able to see my behavior, in the light of day, and was a bit disgusted with how far I drifted off course - this was the end of my battle with the Rifleman.

How will people in the only church in town know if they're running quickly, maybe recklessly, in the wrong direction?  I'd hope that a leader, or good friend, would recognize that their behavior's outside the will of God and communicate the message in a manner that might be received - shine light on the truth.  For me, it seems that I need to be confronted directly - others may need a more subtle and sensitive approach.

Just for today...

"I used humor as a manipulative tool to get people to like me.  My witty comments were carefully timed.  My sense of humor wasn't spontaneous or appropriate.  I used it to please people.  When no one was around to please, however, I was miserable and self-loathing."  Hope for Today (p. 97)

February 19th - But he doesn't know the territory

The story...

PBS television shows, shot in olde England as the backdrop, are compelling for me.  The language, vernacular, customs, figures of speech, and even the side of the car with the steering wheel are different yet similar to what I'm used to. I think I'd feel comfortable there but attentive and curious about the differences.  It'd be great to to tour London and even slog through those really-old hiking trails west of London for a week or so.  I'm told those old trails pass through castles, Roman ruins, and farmer's fields too.  I'm learning about the territory yet I don't even claim to know the territory.  Even if I complete a trip, I won't know the territory as well as someone who actually lives their life out there.  The idea reminds me of a song from the 1962 film "The Music Man" that was set in River City, Iowa - "but he doesn't know the territory."  

The Music Man - 1962

Professor Harold Hill is the lead character who sells the small town on the idea of the "think" system for playing musical instruments. He's a flim-flam man that bilks the town out of money for new band instruments and uniforms - he had no ability to teach them to play them.  He teaches them to hum the "Minuet in G" as part of a thinking process that will supposedly lead them to play their shiny instruments without instruction.  In reality, he's stalling until he receives the money and jumps on the train out of town.  The librarian is the only person in town who actually understands music.  She's torn between the reality of the flim-flam man and the wonderful imagined reality that the town's bought into - they're happier and more hopeful following the charlatan.  She also falls in love with both the vision and the man too - to err is human.

How will the only church in town escape the trap of trusting in the charismatic pastor rather than our God which the text they'll own is all about?  To be merely satisfied with knowing about while remaining deceived within a mutually accepted and self-centered condition.  The Word of God speaks of the reality, in Christ, that bears genuine God-given fruit.  Once heard, believed, and experienced; they'll be tapped into the vine that produces the kind of fruit that the whole community will be blessed through.  Why would a man trust man rather than his Creator?

Just for today...

"None of us sees the world as it is but as we are, as our frame of reference, or maps, define the territory."  Stephen Covey

"The only way to release ourselves from the hold of those dark demons is to break the isolation and bring them into the light by sharing with others who understand."  Hope for Today (p. 50)

February 10th - Winter can be long

 The story...

Winters can be long as Jeremiah Johnson (Robert Redford) shares with Bear Claw (Will Greer).  There have been times in my life when living through the winter grew me - kind of like those tulip bulbs that are growing beneath the ground in preparation for their springing up in May. I understand that tulip bulbs need the cold winter experience to bloom as they ought.  They grow alone yet bloom together.  These darker times seem necessary for real growth; yet, I can't imagine that we were meant to stay in the darkness long. 

Today is cold yet the sun is shining bright.  I appreciate the winter sunshine.  He cuts through the barren trees and reflects off the snow - it's brighter than in July when all the leaves are out.  He ushers in feelings of thankfulness and joy.  Tomorrow the snow may melt, the clouds roll in, yet my heart can stay warm as I walk humbly and thankfully with my Savior.

Will the only church in town experience periods of winter?  I expect that they're necessary. Might life look brighter if we were a bit less guarded and acting out closer to our true selves?  Might we engage in life more fully, and express our feelings more openly, if we lived more in the Light?

Just for today...

"When I talk all the time, nothing is being added to me.  I am using the same old destructive thought material that has kept me at a standstill for so long."   One Day at a Time (p. 41)

November 22nd - Rightly related to God?

The story...

I prefer a day: waking up at a consistent time thankfully with prayer; planning for and doing good; being honest with reality; loving me and others; exercising my body and mind - strengthening each; saying yes; meditating without thinking about the clock; dispatching potentially obsessive thinking within five minutes; tuning into my spiritual radio - albeit the station has much static; giving - being kind and receiving kindness; feeding my body and my soul too; seeking to understand before being understood; walking forward on my pilgrimage alongside close friends who're near; and being the person who God created and wills me to be.  Yet, my free will chooses to do differently each day.  Why?

My noble motives for behaving differently, even in the opposite direction, include my: need to be safe from harm; personal protection boundaries; scarcity of resources; American dream of the good life; acceptance by others; need to fix, manage, and control other people towards my vision of their good; avoiding fears from the past, present, and future; desire to receive good grades from the judge(s); escape from unfavorable circumstances; pain avoidance; telling of my good life story; loyalty to my family; and my justifications for the way things are - "justified."

I expect that the first paragraph is about my being rightly related to God and the second paragraph is about self protection and promotion.  The first paragraph was possible because my unholy self nature was judged, found wanting, yet redeemed and reconciled with God, sin debt paid for, by God Himself in Christ - "I'm with Him."  My part was believing on God and His great redemptive work in Christ.

The second paragraph characterizes me working out life by me and for me.  Thankfully, my conscience and the Spirit of God convicts me of this wrong way of being before I cause too much harm.  He restores me daily in a loving way.  My life seems to be a continuing cycles of restoration that're heading in a good direction - like we might expect a loving Father to perform for those who are His.

The PDCA model is good - yet, different - standardizing & sustaining change

The only church in town will learn and know that they can respond to His calling and be His.  They'll find fellow pilgrims to walk together with through life's circumstances.  Yes, a continuing series of restorative cycles that strengthen our need for receiving love from our heavenly Father - that kind of love is infectious - It can't stay still.  Love spreads far and wide - shining Light everywhere.

Just for today...

"Half an hour's meditation is essential except when you are very busy. Then a full hour is necessary."  Francis de Sales

"First I need to develop a relationship with God . . . Next, I learn to become at peace with myself . . .  I can't be that person when I'm overly controlled by guilt, fear, and resentment and negligibly aware of my gifts and talents . . . Lastly, I start acting responsibly toward others."  Hope for Today (p. 326)

"...conflicting views become merely different views, so our problems can be solved with tolerant understanding and mutual respect."  One Day at a Time (p. 326)

October 10th - Decide on your part - trust God with the rest

The story...

An issue jumps into my conscious mind from who knows where - nudging me to ponder it before stuffing it back into a corner in hopes that it'll be forgotten.  It's kind of like how I use my ping-pong table in my basement.  A staging area for stuff that I'm currently working on or haven/t yet decided if and where to store.  Some might best be dispositioned to a charity for people who actually need them.  Others may be restored and placed where they can be found when needed.  The clutter "takes its toll."

Some of the issues that I don't trust God with become worries that only cause me and others strife.  I'm capable of ruminating and imagining these worries into possible realities that'll never see the light of day.  If I worry, I suffer some of the consequences that may never come into fruition.  Worse yet, my efforts to fix, manage, and control situations are often doomed due to my limited capabilities, resources, and understanding of what might be.  

The only church in town will work out their lives together walking with God, believing His revealed Word, and trusting Him with the results.  Yet, church activities might look even messier than my ping-pong table.  But, they'll allow for the bright light of God's revealed truth on that messy table.  They'll decide what stays in play, what's rebuilt or improved, what gets put away, what's given away, what's repurposed, and what's discarded.

What's on your ping-pong-table?

Just for today...

"Without faith in a power greater than myself, I am like a storm-tossed ship without a rudder. I am flung from one trouble to another; however bravely I may battle the elements, my own strength and wisdom are not enough."  One Day at a Time (p. 284)

"...when I'm feeling insane, I'm forgetting my powerlessness and trying to control outcomes or other people . . . I try to get my own way."  Hope for Today (p. 284)

"I can't make life unfold according to my plans, I can admit my powerlessness and turn to God for help."  Courage to Change (p. 284)

October 6th - Life gets better or worse - let's grow together in the Light?

The story...

Sometimes, the group member who wants their idea of the "best" can restrain a group from moving forward towards real growth.  Yes, I was that idealist that often critiqued the motives and adequacy of significant change proposals - wanting the very best, knowing that change was necessary, yet putting on the brakes while trying to persuade others to see, know and feel as I did.  I expect that my input  to the group was needed yet my insistence on my "higher ways" blocked my ears, mind and heart.  I wish that I would've sought to understand different viewpoints, ideas, and perspectives before attempting to "sell" my ideal version of "the" best way forward - the "right" way to go.

A friend of mine, Henry Hudson, claimed to read Pilgrim's Progress every year.  I'm about to finish the book once again - each time it's more meaningful as I imagine the reality that this allegory paints seemingly just for me.  Oh... that I might rely on and more fully trust God as I turn each corner.

The only church in town will know that we're all on a journey.  It's a mistake to camp too long in one place along the way.  As the story of "life" progresses, God prunes those who are His so that they produce, and enjoy, more fruit together.  That kind of fruit is shared and witnesses to their source.  Fruit born and enjoyed, shines His Light into the dark crannies of our lives - things do look differently in the Light.

Just for today...

"Opportunities for spiritual growth, as well as new character defects, pop up like weeds in a newly-mown lawn . . . My problem was my spiritual pride and arrogance, not my situation. The need to be right was robbing me of my serenity in all kinds of situations."   Courage to Change (p. 280)

September 29th - A listening experiment

The story...

I will to listen better today.  Yes, I plan on running and experiment today - I intend to fully listen to others to better understand them and to apply what I learn to me and my life.  I wonder if I can both make it through a whole day and if I can actually maintain an interest in others.  Of course that means I must put myself out there in the presence of other people and engage in conversation too.  I can do this experiment yet will I?  Do I need to remind myself?  I'm turning off the computer now so that the experiment might begin.

Later that morning I received some news that changed my experiment.   I expect that I was kind and listened well yet that wasn't my focus.  The trivial was forgotten in light of the new news that focused my attention.  I couldn't help but listen to the reality of life - my ears were wide open.

People living together within the only church in town will have fewer opportunities to drift off into an imaginary reality due to the light of God's Word shining on the realities of each our lives.  Yes, this is a place where there are things that you will want to listen to - the truth about Him, us, and the future.  Do you want to be with or without Him - "listen up."

Just for today...

"What I learn from negative comments can be useful in opening my mind to my own wrong thinking."  One Day at a Time (p. 273)

"It is the disease of not listening . . . that I am troubled with."  William Shakespeare

September 27th - The virus story worked out - wasn't worth fretting over

The story...

I've had virus symptoms for 2.5 weeks.  I'll call my doctor this morning since I've passed the two-week limit.  He likely will not be able to identify the virus - he might prescribe an anti-viral drug to boost my immune system.  I don't like my condition and I've only a basic understanding of immune systems.  So after acknowledging that last sentence, I listened to three YouTube introductory videos on the immune system.  I learned some of the principals that help me appreciate my body even more and to identify some of my behaviors and misunderstandings that may have hindered me.

He listened to my symptoms and physically inspected me - he had an intern with him too who repeated some of the checks.  He asked for two blood test samples to be taken to both check my immune system and to search for wasted muscle - he has an idea of what it might be yet didn't tell me.  I was able to have my blood samples taken at 3:30pm 9/01/2023.

It's 9/05/2023 and I'm hoping to get the results of my blood test this morning.  These data will help my doctor prescribe a course of action to better my body and the life I live through it.  I have speculated much over the last three days.  I know in part yet I'll likely know much more in a few hours.

The virus continued on, I visited my primary physician once again and he asked for more blood tests.  The type of virus was never really known. I began to feel better after five weeks and am now symptom free.

Suffering will be found in the only church in town yet, it won't be their focus.  They'll focus on the truth of God's good news and the blessings that are found by living out each day in the "Light" of day.

Just for today...

"If my life has become unmanageable, how can I get control of it? Am I being forced into doing things I don't want to do, like losing my temper, contriving, conniving and scheming to make things work out the way I want them?"  One Day at a Time (p. 271)

"If thou canst not make thyself such a one as thou wouldst, how canst thou expect to have another according to thy liking?"  Thomas Kempis - The Imitation of Christ

"If I knew what was coming, I suspect that I would spend all my time trying to run from painful experiences instead of living. I would miss out on so much great stuff." Courage to Change (p. 271)