March 6th - Like swimming laps

 The story...

They say swimming is good for you.  For me, it's the best alternative.  I wonder what swimming is like for young athletes; all those hours with their head down thinking about what?  In 2022, I had a second go at a swimming life style - a good habit.  The whole process takes about two hours with 35 minutes actually swimming freestyle - the crawl.  I pack my bag, drive, find a space, walk in, talk to a friend, change, do a lifting/aerobic routine, shower, jump in, start my Apple watch, swim, soak, shower, change, talk again, and drive somewhere.  Why would a sane person do such a thing?  For me, it's part of a better life.  I expect that people who come closest to knowing me would agree that this is a good investment of these chunks of life.  I plan on sticking with it until...

How does a person think while their eyes are seeing those tile squares, on the bottom of the pool, flow by?  I used to think about how much longer I had to do this - my watch takes care of that now.  Each  time's different yet the same in some ways.  You can't hear much, can't see much, can't smell much, can't taste much but you do feel a whole lot as you almost weightlessly float along.  I come out of the pool feeling rested and more peaceful.  And, a bit closer to my inner-man - maybe even spirit-to-Spirit connection.

The one I love is running is within this photo.

The only church in town might feel like the community pool.  I hope you enjoy pondering this one and maybe even plan to visit your community pool.  Might a change to your routine help you "be."

Just for today...

"When I was angry and wanted to argue, I silently fumed.  When I was hurt and wanted comfort, I pouted. When I wanted attention, I talked non-stop. I couldn't understand why I rarely got the responses I expected!  I no longer expect anyone to read my mind."  Courage to Change (p. 66)

"Feet dangling in; Ready to jump - Waste no time; Enter the chill."
"First lap's fast; Body knows how - Mind's on me, Heart's exposed."
"Few distractions; Spirit and soul - We're together; Smooth and aligned."
"Time is up; Return to life - A better man; Me and He."    Am I a Poet?

March 2nd - The missing piece

The story...

It's fun to build jigsaw puzzles with friends.  Each of us has are own way of doing it.  We all contribute towards the same aim - a clear goal.  If you look closely, you'll see that one missing piece.

Thank you Teddy Roosevelt for saving our National Parks.

Why do we often miss one piece?  Where do those lost pieces go?  Maybe they go to the same place as lost socks.  So, is the puzzle complete?  Did we fail?  Must we throw it away so that this outcome doesn't reoccur?  I'm leaving you with those questions.  You probably have your own answers and related questions.

How does this relate to the only church in town?  The pieces of the group continuously change.  It seems that we'll always miss at least one piece.  Yet, the group's better when we're ourselves.  Please don't "try" to be a different puzzle piece and "work" to cram you into a space where you don't fit.   When aligned, we can focus on our North Star - That Than Which There is No Greater!

Just for today...

"Someone said, 'I wasn't born this way; I learned.' When I heard that, I felt more hope than I had ever experienced."  Hope for Today (p. 62)

"The missing piece; Part of the carpet - Eyes find it not; Lost right there."  Am I a Poet?

March 1st - Knots that bind

The story...

I learned to tie knots as a Boy Scout - including the life-saving Bowline.  You can actually tie the bowline with one hand.  You'll need that knot if you're hanging precariously from a cliff holding onto the end of your rope.  I practiced that knot over and over to become rather adept at tying it for a few days; then, I forgot it.  I likely wouldn't be able to recall that knot when I need it.

There's one knot that's habitually imbedded in my memory.  My dad taught me a knot for tying on fishing lures.  The emotional pain of losing a favorite lure, or possibly the biggest fish of the day, motivated me to learn the method "right."  I tie that knot the same way my dad taught me.  First, you spin seven times - not six or eight.  Alternative fishing line knots are available on YouTube.  They claim to be stronger or simpler to tie.  Am I going to change?  Strangely, no.

There're times when I need to tie a knot, with fishing line, that's not a slip knot.  For example, like when tying an invisible line to prop up an object or to form a safety line to prevent the object from falling from a top shelf.  

Can you see the line?

Who do I call when I'm in need of a specialty knot?  I dial up YouTube and learn from a person who most graciously took the time to share their knowledge with all who want to know.  Thank you YouTubers!

How might the fishing line and knot knowledge relate to the only church in town?   The supporting roles are often hard to see and often require specialized knowledge that're learned throughout a lifetime. 

Please accept my heartfelt thanks for the supporting role(s) that you provide within your communities.  I expect that we all know and feel it when we're using our talents and gifts in the way that's uniquely ours.  I'm so thankful to be found positioned safely in Christ and that the Spirit of Christ can perform great works - even through me.   

Just for today...

"Disappointment, bitterness, and resentment are ties that bind, and until we release these feelings to God, we remain bound to the past."  Hope for Today (p. 61)

"Humility prepares us for the realization of God's will for us; it shows us the benefits we gain from doing away with self-will."  One Day at a Time (p. 61)

"If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are."  Zen proverb

"Cast the lure quick; The big one lurks below - He chose me; The knot slipped..."  Am I a Poet?

February 26th - Goodness

The story...

I experienced a wonderful day in my church community.  Why?  It may be that I, and my partner, were prepared for our role as children's leaders.  We led worship, learned about goodness, and worked out our faith together.  It might've also been the old friends that I met - one needed help and asked for it, one sincerely offered thanks, one reminisced about one who left us years ago, and others readily accepted heartfelt thankfulness messages.  I met four new people, while sharing a meal together, and the balanced conversation seemed to show genuine interest and kindness.  

Worship time was with kids rather than grownups.  We laughed, told stories about our lives, participated in the learning, clapped, and interjected praise too.  We heard a wonderful bible story about being a good neighbor.  The group included people who were different from most of us - that felt good.  We ended the time doing an art project alongside each other.  We sat side by side, brushing shoulders and elbows, while we turned our blank piece of paper into something that kind of matched our imagination.  Finally we broke our assembly and pulled away from togetherness - I looked back and thought "that's the way I want to live."

My project - my friends liked it - I liked theirs too.

Might the only church in town be more like that?  Hmm...

Just for today...

"If I urge someone to do what I think I would do in a similar crisis, and my advice is acted upon, the outcome may be an even greater tragedy, and I would be responsible for that . . . I do not know what course of action is right for anyone else. I can offer only comfort and compassion, and the good example of the life I am trying to build."  One Day at a Time (p. 57)

"Sometimes the forgiveness process fosters deeper unity and connection between people. Sometimes it points to the exit sign."  Hope for Today (p. 57)

"Shame is an excuse to hate ourselves today for something we did or didn't do in the past. . . . Today I will love myself enough to recognize shame as an error in judgement."  Courage to Change (p. 57)

"I'm with you; You're with me - Bigger together; Love worked out."  Am I a Poet?

February 23rd - Invite me . . . please

The story...

Years ago, a young energetic man, who was new to our church community, invited me to play volleyball with a group of "our people" at the local beach.  I was part of the larger community for years and was surprised at such an enthusiastic invitation. I don't imagine that I would've attended my first meeting by way of a general community invitation.  The invitation seemed sincere - he seemed to really want me to join them.  What a wonderful summer group activity it was for 3 or 4 years - it ended with a knee problem and the group eventually did move on as most groups do. 

I need to be invited yet may reject the invitation.  How might we invite while minimizing the awkwardness of rejection?  I found this article 10 Ways to To Ask Someone To Hang Out (Without Being Awkward) helpful.

Will people need to be personally invited to engage within the only church in town?  Yes.

Just for today...

"Detachment is essential to any healthy relationship between people. Each of us is a free individual, with neither one in control of the other."  One Day at a Time (p. 54)

"Even as a child, I had grown up responsibilities, so it is no wonder that I grew up to be a caretaker.  It seemed so comfortable, so automatic to think of others first and to give myself completely to whatever crisis was at hand without a thought for myself. I no longer do things for others that they could do for themselves."  Courage to Change (p. 54)

"We're mutual detached; Free to grow - Being ourselves; Each living it."  Am I a Poet?

February 16th - Habits

The story...

I'm a thankful leader, of a group of guys, within Bible Study Fellowship (BSF).  This non-denominational bible study organization encourages daily scripture reading and provides a common set of questions that guides small groups towards disclosure and self discovery.  Our group meets and shares weekly -  truly, the group is greater than the sum of it's parts.  My friends become less guarded as we share more of the reality of our lives and parts of our inner man too.  It's a good thing to be introspective with the "Light" of God's Word illuminating "What's really going on."  I truly agape love these men as we continue to learn who "we" are and grow stronger as a group.

In 2023, I read James Clear's book - Atomic Habits.  James shares how he started a blog to share how good habits drove positive change and real growth in his life.  People shared and taught each other. Yes, they grew together - hence the seeds for a top-selling book.  He includes the idea of stacking habits.  Stacking suggests that you add a new habit immediately following a habit that you already have and enjoy.  It seemed foolish to read a book on habits and not make a positive change in my own life.  So, I shared my commitment with my BSF group, I willed to do my BSF study work every day after I completed my daily WORDLE puzzle.  I was successful for about four months.  Did I falter and quit after four months?  Actually, to my surprise, my daily scripture reading is now a daily habit of its own, much like WORDLE.  It became part of the fabric of my life.

The only church in town would probably be non-denominational - reflecting the community.  Sub-groups of people would likely form.  These new groups would have the potential to grow together in ways that they never could have if they each stayed marooned on a island of their own making.

Just for today...

"We are only as sick as our secrets.  Until we let them out into the light, they keep us trapped."  Courage to Change (p. 47)

"We believe people discover their true purpose and identity by knowing God through His Word.  That is why BSF offers free, in-depth Bible studies in community for people of all ages around the world."  Bible Study Fellowship

"Love can only be kept by giving it away."  Merton, T. (1955). No man is an Island

"I ventured out; accepted by some - I retreated within; lonely and sad."   Am I a Poet?

February 15th - Coffee Habits

 The story...

A guy named John introduced me to the coffee habit. We were traveling together on a canoe trip within the boundary waters bordering Canada and Minnesota - I was 40 years old.  It was hard to resist on a cold morning, sitting on a log near the fire - there wasn't much else to drink but water.  The coffee experience was real good from the beginning - kind of like the favorite Ad-Man commercial: "Hey Mikey, he likes it!"  Sure, I knew people, like my dad, who really enjoyed their coffee; yet, I resisted.  How many times did I hear him ask for one more cup of coffee when I wanted to get going?  My new habit surprised me - the smell, the warmth, the familiar taste, the clarity, the alertness, the new social opportunities... 

Yes, I like my daily morning coffee habit - performed the same way most mornings.  Empty the old filter/grounds, drain the dregs, fill the pot, adjust the new filter, open the coffee container, scoop twice, level the coffee, push the button, and wait to hear the sound that lets me know that the percolation's complete.  At the risk of creeping some of you out, I believe we've owned this coffee container for years yet only washed the inside a few time.  For sure, I empty it down to a scoop or two before I fill it back up half way and shake it to amalgamate.  It's a new mix - some old, some new, and sometimes a new brand of coffee.

Yes, this photo might be an appropriate metaphor for the only church in town.  The grounds are a mix of the old, the new, and even an occasional different brand - they're all coffee.  They're secure in the container yet don't stay there.  Power transforms them into a coffee that's shared and enjoyed within community.  Coffee's often there when the town gets together, connects, communicates and maybe actually loves.

Just for today...

How about performing a personal habit inventory?  If you don't know how to add or change habits, consider reading James Clear's book - Atomic Habits.     

"Do justice, love kindness and walk humbly with God in Christ."  Micah 6:8 (NASB)

"Cup's just so; body warming up - Tastes like before; Habits ready to roll."  Am I a Poet?

February 11th - Wisdom

 The story...

About thirty years ago, I heard a definition of wisdom that rang true to me.  It's still the best definition that I've heard - I've passed it on hundreds of times.  Wisdom is knowing where to go and how to get there.  We might all benefit by pondering this definition for awhile.  We need both the first and second parts to help us distinguish between wise and unwise paths.

Isaiah 6 recount's Isaiah's experience within the throne room of God.  Meeting God would surely be a good place to start when envisioning where we're going - towards the one Who created us and spoke the Truth for evaluating the quality of our lives.  The Nicene Creed, written in 325AD, gives the church a good starting place for agreeing on how we get there.  Collectively, a church may behave wisely - a continual process for each individual and a synergetic process for the community within the power of the Spirit of God.  

I'm thankful to have a congregation of Barred owls whose family has lived with us in the woods for at least 30 years.  They do have good qualities and seem wise - I like them a lot and they seem friendly.

Barred Owl

Just for today...

"I needed love before I even knew what it was.  By loving others, I learn to treat myself well." Courage to Change (p. 42)

"Woke up expecting good,  yet suffered throughout - A better creature tonight, inside and out."  Am I a Poet?

February 2nd - Hoping for Love

The story ...

I walked up to the door of my seventh-grade Sunday-school room.  The girl that I secretly loved was with a friend.  The friend asked me to show them my fingernails.  I paused before extending my open hand and fingers with my palm facing the linoleum floor.  They both broke out laughing - "you're like a girl!  Guys show their nails as a fist with palm up."  I was secretly crushed, likely tried to pretend I wasn't affected, yet my emotions must have betrayed my internal reality.  My secret search for love was publicly dashed.  I added a few plates to my personal armor to guard against that from happening again.  Oh... the pain of rejection - my wounded heart!

The church where the scene played out

How might the one church in town have helped?  My Sunday school teacher might have noticed a change in behavior.  Someone might have realized that I had no good friends at church.  As some aptly describe, I felt like I was alone on an island yet surrounded by people.  My parents forced me to go to some of the youth meetings - I didn't engage.  I became cynical and critical about the group that rejected me.  

In High School, I found a job that allowed me to miss every other Sunday service.  I tried to bring order and meaning into my life without God's help.  Was a right relationship with God and friends possible?

Thoughts for the day ...

"So I continued to hide and did not accept who I really was."  Hope for Today (p. 33)

"Today, being humble means climbing down from the ladder of judgement of myself and others, and taking my rightful place in a worldwide circle of love and support . . . My thoughts are my teachers.  Are they teaching me to love and appreciate others, or are they teaching me to practice isolation?"  Courage to Change (p. 33)

"Looked for love; in a loving sort of place -  hurt, guilt and shame; led me astray."  Am I a Poet?

January 16th - Doing the right thing according to what's right

The story...

The snow was deep, the temperature was cold, and I counted 18 deer outside my house - I'd seen more.  They seem to be eating many plants that they didn't eat in the past - they're hungry.  They're reaching higher on the bushes and even nibbling on the Myrtle ground cover.  I was told that the neighbor who fed the deer died within the last year.  The person who told me about her death also shared that the DNR notified her that she had to stop feeding them a few months before she died.  

There are reasons for not feeding the deer and the DNR was right for enforcing the law; yet, the problem remains.  Years ago, I chose to stop getting angry at deer for eating or people for feeding.  Being angry seems to just leave you angry with damage to your heart both literally and figuratively.  Who wants to be an angry man?  I could nag at the authorities, complain along with my neighbors, shoosh the deer away each time they threaten my landscape...   I don't know what's best for the deer over-population situation and don't plan on developing my own personal opinion that I'll defend against all others.  As a citizen of my Township, I did discuss the situation with authorities, learn about available solutions, and found out what deer control plans were underway.

Our neighborhood deer on a better day

I'm glad I took the time to "Think" about the deer problem today.  The course of action that I've decided upon seems reasonable and right according to the principles that I live by - the type that seems to define us.  The only church in town will live by principles revealed within the Word of God - they were established by the One who created the earth, the cold, the deer, and me too.  I plan on living my life out according to those principles alongside my neighbors within the only church in town.

Just for today...

". . .  when my opinion about another person's business has not been requested, I take the time to "Think" before getting involved."  Courage to Change (p. 16)

December 29th - Plant your foot solidly and securely

 The story...

My feet had bunions, tight tendons connecting my toes, and almost no arch.  To make matters more challenging, one of my legs was/is about 1/4" longer.  Some of these limitations, and those partially caused by them, were corrected by surgery.  These changes allowed me to move more stably.

It feels good and right to plant your foot - the rest of your body parts, including the lumbar region of my spine, rely on that firm footing.  My lower back is currently impinging my spinal cord which is sending nerve impulses to my brain which I interpret as negative and painful.  Those "pain" signals trigger unwanted reactions, thoughts, and changes in my behavior.  I wanna be better.

The following article is from the 12/26/23 edition of the Wall Street Journal.  It claims that I might change my perception of some of the nerve signals that originate from my pinched spinal cord.  "The cause is brain sensitization rather than physical injury . . . verbally reappraising the sensations as a false alarm and noting it so that it's not considered threatening or painful."  Yes, I can live a better life by more accurately sensing, perceiving, and acting on reality.  That makes sense to me and seems like right thinking - in response, I'm planning on reappraising my nerve signals. I'll give it a try in reality.

Within the only church in town you'll learn the value of placing your step solidly within God's will. That firmer foundation allows for sustainable growth centered and planted in reality - the seen and the unseen.  I'm not talking about an imaginary world where a group all agrees in a sort of blind hope - It's about real relationships and better lives worked out together in the Light of God's revealed Word.  It's the place to be - fruit bearing along the way.

Just for today...

"Did I demand to much? Am I being confronted with a natural reprisal for my rigid, uncompromising attitude? . . . If we hurt someone or demanded to much of them, swift retribution may dismay or infuriate us . . . I may feel ever so justified in "taking a stand," but let me consider whether it was something I did that led to the crisis."  One Day at a Time (p. 364)

December 17th - Being honest with reality - your true self

The story...

I was one of the youngest kids in my first-grade class and I grew in stature a little slower than most kids.  I hoped to be tall, like both of my parent's younger brothers, yet it seemed like it wasn't going to happen for me.  Unexpectedly, I grew to over six-foot during high school and throughout my freshman year of college too.  My physical height seemed to effect my identity.  Shorter people let me know that I was lucky to be respected "merely" for my exceptional height.

Everybody loves Raymond - Robby

Currently, my physical height is shrinking along with the flattening spinal discs.  I might grow in height again if my surgeon fuses more discs together by jacking up my spine with metal rods like they did in November, 2009.  If they do, I'll be a bit taller; yet, now I'm not so naive to think that my identity will change.  I've better learned who I am throughout my life and I'm okay with me along with my many defects too.  I like me best when I'm walking with, and enjoying, "we" and isolating less.

Our true selves are likely the ones that we'll work out throughout all eternity as opposed to the changing self who adapts to his current needs, capabilities, situations, environments, rule sets, groups, and the opinions of others.  I'm so thankful that the Word of God says that I'm "far" better off aligned and positioned with "That Than Which There Is No Greater." 

The only church in town will share news of our true identity, for this life and for all eternity too.  Yes, our true identity can be found in the Son of God, our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ. They'll read the scriptures and trust in the unseen realities that can be worked out in both this life and the eternal one to come - the "real" good life.

Just for today...

"I can risk being my true self with family members and allow family members to risk being themselves with me."  Hope for Today (p. 352)

"Resentments mark the place where I see myself as a victim . . . I will love myself enough to release myself from the closet in which resentments keep me locked."  Courage to Change (p. 352)

December 16th - Can't understand everything; yet, seeking to understand is good

The story...

The advanced path through mathematics was available to me throughout my education.  However, much of my time "doing math" was spent attempting to receive good grades rather than working to understand mathematical proofs based on fundamental axioms.  The better way was to: follow my teacher's guidance towards understanding the why(s); working more examples than I wanted to; and applying this structured way of thinking to real-life applications.  This mathematical structured thinking became an integral part of my mind.

As a graduate teacher, I encountered varying degrees of understanding regarding the application of mathematical equations, principles and practices.  Some of my students were from other countries where they learned to solve math problems using different methods - I had a difficult time verifying their work.  So, I required them to show their work according to methods that I, the teacher, understood.  I directed them to Kahn- Academy for examples that we could mutually understand. 

In or about 2012, I decided to complete all of the math courses on Kahn Academy from addition through differential equations.  I scheduled one-to-two hours per day over the course of three or four months - I was surprised at how I more easily understood and integrated the various subjects that took me 16 years to initially learn.

The only church in town will be a place of instruction, practice, and the application of good-to-great life principles.  There will be math guys, like me, and non-math folks, like most of us, who'll enjoy growing together.  Community is much more capable than any one member.

Just for today...

"I don't have to understand everything . . . feel threatened by the future . . . feel guilty about the past . . . feel alone . . . take responsibility for other people's choices . . . give up my hope and dreams."  Courage to Change (p. 351)

"What coping behaviors do I use to soothe my pain? Are they really helping me?"  Hope for Today (p. 351)

December 15th - Truly understanding other points of view

The story...

I went through a period of brokenness a few years ago - I needed help with a situation that overwhelmed me.  I needed help and knew that my withdrawal and isolation from the problem(s) wasn't helping.  Thankfully, there was a friend who cared for me and suggested that I meet with a group of people who shared similar life battles - they'd helped both him and others he knew.  I went, I felt understood, the environment was comfortable, and I actually learned how to understand before seeking to be understood - to actually receive love and offer love too.  It's good being with people who care.

Even though the people within the group come and go as their needs change - I truly love them and feel loved by them too.  I wish other groups could be like that.  Yet, strangely as I grew towards a more fully-functioning human, all of the groups that I'm a part of seemed to improve too.  Yes, we rub off on each other and perceive situations differently as WE grow.

The only church in town will have groups and friends who you can grow and walk through life with.  Yes, you can come closer to whom you were created to be.  Yet, most importantly, you can become right with your Creator and begin to walk rightly with Him - that's the relationship that lasts.

I hope that you enjoy todays readings.  They're but a sample of those that helped me both during my time of need and today too.  I'm thankful for each of these writers who shared a chunk of the reality of their lives.

Just for today...

"How could I turn my will and my life over to the care of God? . . . It felt so scary to think that I was out of control . . . I wondered what absolute surrender would feel like, and how I would know if I was doing it? . . . He said that turning our will over is like dancing with a partner. If both try to lead, there is much confusion and little forward movement. . . .  But when the partner is willing to relax and let the other partner do the steering, the couple flows easily across the dance floor."  Courage to Change (p. 350)

"Changing myself is such a big job that it keeps me fully occupied . . . I don't let myself get discouraged. Perfection never really has worried me because I know it's unattainable. Instead, I'm thrilled with the small, daily changes I can make in my attitudes and actions."  Hope for Today (p. 350)

"This one day I can easily cope with, if I have not frittered away my energies on destructive emotions, and if I do not provoke antagonism by criticisms, complaints and reproaches."  One Day at a Time (p. 350)

December 14th - When in trouble, quit digging and ask for help

 The story...

There was an older guy, who worked for me, that had a difficult time solving his problems with his computer models - he was modeling changes to parts that our company produced.  He'd spend hours trying to figure out his problems by himself with much wasted time and angst.  He was spending too much time per project - he needed to either improve or move on to another type of job. 

I remember meeting with him, in his office, to discuss the types of problems that he had.  Some were dealing with infrequent exceptions to the design process that had special causes.  Some were due to his methods that were different than the ones that he was trained to perform.  Some were due to misconceptions regarding the computer-aided-design process.  Some were due to terminology that he didn't understand.  Some were due to actual design issues that he didn't have to consider when he was drawing with paper and pencil.  Some were due to a sort of uneasiness with his ability to perform his job with a computer that was forced upon him - he felt less capable and valued by the group.

We better understood each other after we met a few times in his office.  We came up with a solution that included retraining on a few modules.  We worked out arrangements, with three other designers, to ask for help when needed - he came to them with the problem clearly defined.  "Timing" rules minimized his propensity to spin his wheels while "hoping" for a solution.  The process included: 1st, take a few minutes to identify and clarify the problem; 2nd, review the training material; 3rd, seek help from one of the three available designers depending on their specialty;  4th, call the software company help desk; 5th, come to me, his manager, to both alert me and to ask for additional support. 

He followed the new process and his performance and attitude improved - problem solved.  Yet, I'm not sure what the main cause of his problem was.   Was help gained by being understood, valued, and being restored to a fully engaging group member - the Hawthorne effect?  We learned a lesson together - I became both a better person and manager in those few weeks.

Those attending the only church in town will learn that God listens to prayers and requests even though he knows about all situations in advance.  For those who are right with Him, He will either fulfill the request or give in accordance to His will.  His will is supremely better and right in His timing.  He cares for us, His creatures, and has plans for both this life and our eternity to follow - scripture says so.

Just for today...

". . . answers came not from books, but from mutual caring and thinking out loud with someone you felt comfortable with."  One Day at a Time (p. 349)

"If I'm not careful, I overwhelm myself with all the various things I could change and I become paralyzed by inaction. It helps to pray for knowledge of exactly what God wants me to change at any given moment."  Hope for Today (p. 349)

November 18th - "My life was mostly good - I'm thankful for that."

The story...

A close friend of mine met my mother in her independent-living home in November 2023.  I introduced him to her and they settled down to a one-hour conversation about her life past and present - him in a chair and her laying comfortably in bed.  It was a great joy listening to my mother describe her life - mostly good but there was bad stuff too.  She shared her hope that her kids, grand kids, and great-grand kids would go to church.  Her greatest pain was the loss of her husband in 2011 - she described how she missed him every day.  They lived a good life and that made her happy.  The surprises and joys, in her current life, were centered around the different people that cared for her and met her needs.  "I never was around people like that, I really like them and some of them feel like friends."  That was her unexpected joy - she thought that relationships like those might be why she lived so long.

The only church in town will ideally be kinda like that independent-living home.  There will be some paid staff doing their jobs yet most of the caring and loving will be shared between each other.  People living out their lives and faith, aligned with God's Word, together.  The love my mother felt at the independent-living center surprised me every time I visited.  

What if we spent more time with the folks at church?  We might be surprised at the love we witness, receive and even offer to others.  Many of us are clunky and different so it might appear in unexpected and surprising ways.  Love experienced is worth it.

Just for today...

"If I can see nothing but my troubles, I am seeing with limited vision. Dwelling on these troubles allows them to control me. Of course I need to do whatever foot-work is required, but I also need to learn to let go."  Courage to Change (p. 323)

"When I'm uncommunicative or dishonest in my interactions, I set myself apart and feel rejected. Conversely, open, truthful communication nurtures feelings of trust and encourages me to participate fully in life. However, as I begin to change my old habits, fear of rejection sometimes tempts me to respond in old ways."  Hope for Today (p. 323)

November 14th - My survival skills

The story...

Most of us developed survival skills to make it through K-12 - our elementary, junior, and high school years. High school was when I was expected to learn and experience what I needed to be a full-functioning member of society.  The graduation speech said that we had limitless potential within the United States of America.  What did I do over those 13 years?

• Learned to obey the teacher, complete assignments, and value good grades.
• Progressed through boy scouts to the rank of "Life Scout."
• Fulfilled the job requirements of a paper delivery boy for 4 yrs. - wasn't motivated to sell new subscriptions but faithfully delivered the papers and collected the money.
• Built a large wooden tool box, smashed my thumb with a hammer, sewed my own reversible vest, and cooked potato soup.in junior-high shop class.  They required the boys to take home-economics for two months during 8th grade.
• Completed drivers education and was awarded my drivers license.
• Fulfilled the requirements of a drug store general worker and delivery boy for 2 yrs.  Crashed their cars several times.
• Developed friends - mostly from band and work experiences.
• Completed all the math classes offered and survived the English classes.
• Fell in love multiple times yet didn't experience the boy-girl friend closeness that I hoped for.
  
  

My High School

Who was I at that graduation ceremony?

• Accepted Christ as my Savior at eight.
• Learned a work ethic and financial skills with the money I earned.
• Distanced myself from the church - worked every other Sunday.
• Became a story-teller to engage in group conversation.
• Looked for love where I thought it might be found - love was elusive.
• Interacted socially yet never really felt like I fit in.
• Accepted at a state college - to be an engineer.  There I expected to start over - to be somebody.
• Learned survival skills - boundaries, armor, and habits.

The only church in town is a place where you can learn the reality of being truly okay.  Okay with God, you, and your neighbors too.  I was so thankful, in 1980, when Steve and Marlene said to me:  "We would like you to go to church with us - please come."

Just for today...

"I was powerless over my childhood. The survival skills that I developed made my adult life unmanageable."  Hope for Today (p. 319)

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1 (NASB)

November 6th - Being respectful within community

The story...

If they all jumped off a bridge - would you jump off too?  It's a frustrating truth that people often adapt to the group - try to fit in.   The Asch Conformity experiment confirms this frustrating behavior often exhibited by us humans.  Maybe that's partly why this is one of my favorite jokes - trying to fit in with the group...

Three construction guys are sittin on an I-beam, on top of a tall building project - they're eating their lunch. 
The Italian says: “If I get another pastrami sandwich tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this building.”
The other two guys stare at him for awhile and return to their lunches.

The guy from Ohio says: "If I get another egg-salad sandwich tomorrow, I'm going to jump of this building." The other two guys stare at him for a while and return to their lunches.

The guy from California hesitates, pauses, and says: "If I get another peanut-butter sandwich tomorrow, then . . . I'm going to jump off this building tomorrow too."

The next day the Italian opens up his lunch  box and disgustingly sees the pastrami, he yells "Mamma Mia!," stands up, and jumps to his death.  The other two guys can't believe what's just happened.

The Ohioan opens his box, sees the egg-salad sandwich - he immediately jumps off to his demise too. 

The Californian is now alone, he slowly opens his box to see the peanut-butter sandwich.  He stands up and jumps over the edge like the other two guys.

Three days later at their funerals, the Italian's wife says “I thought he like those pastrami sandwiches - if he only would have told me.”  The Ohioan's wife says “It is all my fault. I thought he loved egg-salad.”  The Californian's wife says “I just don’t get it, he made his own lunches.”

Wikipedia

The only church in town will guard against the perils of group think.  What a sad state it is when people pretend to be somebody they aren't or claims the untrue.  Sure kids are going to want to please their parents.  But, it's especially sad when adults try to please the pastor or those people who are the "Ins."  People will have the freedom to be honest in the respectful environment of the only church in town.

Just for today...

"Boundaries . . . aren't rules I can enforce on others. They are standards of conduct I set for my own benefit . . .  boundaries are a civilizing ingredient in social interaction, a matter of self-respect and respect for others."  Hope for Today (p. 311)

October 4th - Are "we" better than "me?"

The story...

I walked into the T-Group at a NTL Human Interaction Laboratory in Bethel, Maine.  My V.P. of H.R. recommended that I attend this week-long experience that he personally found transformational.  This was the first session and nobody was talking - we were all just sitting there.  I guessed who the leader(s) were yet they said nothing.  A few people were so uncomfortable with the silence that they spoke up, asked questions, and even tried to start their own meeting activity - the group shut each of these people down in order - the agitation, uncomfortableness, and negative group dynamic grew.  It got better and better as the week progressed - for everybody.

The week was transformational for me - I left more accepting of me and more thankful for the group.  We learned, experienced, and worked out being a more fully-functioning human being within community - experiencing the value of working and living together.  Yes, I was a better person having experienced this Human Interaction Laboratory - I learned and grew with and through other people.

1990's training binder on group dynamics

Even after all of the courses, experiences, successes and failures, I still find group dynamics challenging, rewarding, and discouraging too.  Yet, friendship, working out life together, and community are worthy and seem to be a most important part of our life experience.

"We" may not be more capable in some things than "me," yet together "we" are more complete and more capable, and maybe more fulfilled.  Yet, the fear of group rejection, not fitting in, still looms in the background.  What if they ... The risk of group rejection reminds me of the following scene where Forest Gump defends Jenny during a Black Panther meeting - not fitting in.

Forest Gump's fight ruins the Black Panther party?

The only church in town will grow people, friendships, groups and community within the Light of God's truth about who He, they, we, and I am.  It'll be a great place to live, grow, and be - working out life together where really good news is heard and shared.  A place where people learn to love, be loved and suffer together too - just as we were created to be?

Just for today...

"The change in me will be reflected in every person whose life touches mine."  One Day at a Time (p. 278)

"I've learned to live with, put up with, and tolerate many things. I wanted to change but was afraid to try for fear of the unknown . . . I finally tore the wallpaper down."  Hope for Today (p. 278)

"I realized that it was my own fear and shame, and not the embarrassing details of my problems, that kept me at a distance."  Courage to Change (p. 278)

September 23rd - They repeatedly cut me off - like sticking fingers in their ears

The story...

I recently attended an event with a group of people who I haven't met with for a few years.  As we worked out the socially acceptable conversation, it seemed they didn't want to hear my perspective, ideas, or story.  The frequent interruptions seemed to validate my take on this "group thing" - it appeared that I was violating their norms, values, and unwritten code of acceptable behavior.  It was almost as though the scene was and act in a play and that we were all suppose to act out our assigned roles. The "play" must go on as it has in the past.  Maybe the group was saying: "We've been just fine and dandy and we will not allow you to disrupt our patterns with your big, idealistic, ideas of how we might be better off according to you."  They wouldn't be wrong, I didn't want to be an actor in this play and I don't want to journey down their accepted path that seems to lead to something less than what I hope for.

I did deliver my messaging, although frequently interrupted, without overtly challenging what seemed to be rude and disrespectful behavior on their parts.  I felt rejected by the group and experienced feelings that might've propelled me to quickly react in disrespectful ways - I'm thankful that I showed respect and didn't react negatively.  I don't have to accept future invitations to return.

The only church in town will preach the Word of God - His Word will frequently conflict with the reality of how congregants are behaving and acting out their lives.  People will be free to work out their faith in reality amongst like-minded people within community.

Just for today...

"One of my character defects is to respond in kind to behavior that is directed to me - to react to insults with more insults, to rudeness with rudeness . . .  If I am always reacting then I am never free."  Courage to Change (p. 267)

"I will not try to outwit or outmaneuver anyone else, but will proceed quietly to live my life so I will have less reason for self-reproach. I will withdraw my mind from what others do, and think of what I am doing. I will not react to challenging words and actions."  One Day at a Time (p. 267)

"When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger."  Epictetus