November 18th - "My life was mostly good - I'm thankful for that."

The story...

A close friend of mine met my mother in her independent-living home in November 2023.  I introduced him to her and they settled down to a one-hour conversation about her life past and present - him in a chair and her laying comfortably in bed.  It was a great joy listening to my mother describe her life - mostly good but there was bad stuff too.  She shared her hope that her kids, grand kids, and great-grand kids would go to church.  Her greatest pain was the loss of her husband in 2011 - she described how she missed him every day.  They lived a good life and that made her happy.  The surprises and joys, in her current life, were centered around the different people that cared for her and met her needs.  "I never was around people like that, I really like them and some of them feel like friends."  That was her unexpected joy - she thought that relationships like those might be why she lived so long.

The only church in town will ideally be kinda like that independent-living home.  There will be some paid staff doing their jobs yet most of the caring and loving will be shared between each other.  People living out their lives and faith, aligned with God's Word, together.  The love my mother felt at the independent-living center surprised me every time I visited.  

What if we spent more time with the folks at church?  We might be surprised at the love we witness, receive and even offer to others.  Many of us are clunky and different so it might appear in unexpected and surprising ways.  Love experienced is worth it.

Just for today...

"If I can see nothing but my troubles, I am seeing with limited vision. Dwelling on these troubles allows them to control me. Of course I need to do whatever foot-work is required, but I also need to learn to let go."  Courage to Change (p. 323)

"When I'm uncommunicative or dishonest in my interactions, I set myself apart and feel rejected. Conversely, open, truthful communication nurtures feelings of trust and encourages me to participate fully in life. However, as I begin to change my old habits, fear of rejection sometimes tempts me to respond in old ways."  Hope for Today (p. 323)

November 14th - My survival skills

The story...

Most of us developed survival skills to make it through K-12 - our elementary, junior, and high school years. High school was when I was expected to learn and experience what I needed to be a full-functioning member of society.  The graduation speech said that we had limitless potential within the United States of America.  What did I do over those 13 years?

• Learned to obey the teacher, complete assignments, and value good grades.
• Progressed through boy scouts to the rank of "Life Scout."
• Fulfilled the job requirements of a paper delivery boy for 4 yrs. - wasn't motivated to sell new subscriptions but faithfully delivered the papers and collected the money.
• Built a large wooden tool box, smashed my thumb with a hammer, sewed my own reversible vest, and cooked potato soup.in junior-high shop class.  They required the boys to take home-economics for two months during 8th grade.
• Completed drivers education and was awarded my drivers license.
• Fulfilled the requirements of a drug store general worker and delivery boy for 2 yrs.  Crashed their cars several times.
• Developed friends - mostly from band and work experiences.
• Completed all the math classes offered and survived the English classes.
• Fell in love multiple times yet didn't experience the boy-girl friend closeness that I hoped for.
  
  

My High School

Who was I at that graduation ceremony?

• Accepted Christ as my Savior at eight.
• Learned a work ethic and financial skills with the money I earned.
• Distanced myself from the church - worked every other Sunday.
• Became a story-teller to engage in group conversation.
• Looked for love where I thought it might be found - love was elusive.
• Interacted socially yet never really felt like I fit in.
• Accepted at a state college - to be an engineer.  There I expected to start over - to be somebody.
• Learned survival skills - boundaries, armor, and habits.

The only church in town is a place where you can learn the reality of being truly okay.  Okay with God, you, and your neighbors too.  I was so thankful, in 1980, when Steve and Marlene said to me:  "We would like you to go to church with us - please come."

Just for today...

"I was powerless over my childhood. The survival skills that I developed made my adult life unmanageable."  Hope for Today (p. 319)

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1 (NASB)

November 6th - Being respectful within community

The story...

If they all jumped off a bridge - would you jump off too?  It's a frustrating truth that people often adapt to the group - try to fit in.   The Asch Conformity experiment confirms this frustrating behavior often exhibited by us humans.  Maybe that's partly why this is one of my favorite jokes - trying to fit in with the group...

Three construction guys are sittin on an I-beam, on top of a tall building project - they're eating their lunch. 
The Italian says: “If I get another pastrami sandwich tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this building.”
The other two guys stare at him for awhile and return to their lunches.

The guy from Ohio says: "If I get another egg-salad sandwich tomorrow, I'm going to jump of this building." The other two guys stare at him for a while and return to their lunches.

The guy from California hesitates, pauses, and says: "If I get another peanut-butter sandwich tomorrow, then . . . I'm going to jump off this building tomorrow too."

The next day the Italian opens up his lunch  box and disgustingly sees the pastrami, he yells "Mamma Mia!," stands up, and jumps to his death.  The other two guys can't believe what's just happened.

The Ohioan opens his box, sees the egg-salad sandwich - he immediately jumps off to his demise too. 

The Californian is now alone, he slowly opens his box to see the peanut-butter sandwich.  He stands up and jumps over the edge like the other two guys.

Three days later at their funerals, the Italian's wife says “I thought he like those pastrami sandwiches - if he only would have told me.”  The Ohioan's wife says “It is all my fault. I thought he loved egg-salad.”  The Californian's wife says “I just don’t get it, he made his own lunches.”

Wikipedia

The only church in town will guard against the perils of group think.  What a sad state it is when people pretend to be somebody they aren't or claims the untrue.  Sure kids are going to want to please their parents.  But, it's especially sad when adults try to please the pastor or those people who are the "Ins."  People will have the freedom to be honest in the respectful environment of the only church in town.

Just for today...

"Boundaries . . . aren't rules I can enforce on others. They are standards of conduct I set for my own benefit . . .  boundaries are a civilizing ingredient in social interaction, a matter of self-respect and respect for others."  Hope for Today (p. 311)

October 4th - Are "we" better than "me?"

The story...

I walked into the T-Group at a NTL Human Interaction Laboratory in Bethel, Maine.  My V.P. of H.R. recommended that I attend this week-long experience that he personally found transformational.  This was the first session and nobody was talking - we were all just sitting there.  I guessed who the leader(s) were yet they said nothing.  A few people were so uncomfortable with the silence that they spoke up, asked questions, and even tried to start their own meeting activity - the group shut each of these people down in order - the agitation, uncomfortableness, and negative group dynamic grew.  It got better and better as the week progressed - for everybody.

The week was transformational for me - I left more accepting of me and more thankful for the group.  We learned, experienced, and worked out being a more fully-functioning human being within community - experiencing the value of working and living together.  Yes, I was a better person having experienced this Human Interaction Laboratory - I learned and grew with and through other people.

1990's training binder on group dynamics

Even after all of the courses, experiences, successes and failures, I still find group dynamics challenging, rewarding, and discouraging too.  Yet, friendship, working out life together, and community are worthy and seem to be a most important part of our life experience.

"We" may not be more capable in some things than "me," yet together "we" are more complete and more capable, and maybe more fulfilled.  Yet, the fear of group rejection, not fitting in, still looms in the background.  What if they ... The risk of group rejection reminds me of the following scene where Forest Gump defends Jenny during a Black Panther meeting - not fitting in.

Forest Gump's fight ruins the Black Panther party?

The only church in town will grow people, friendships, groups and community within the Light of God's truth about who He, they, we, and I am.  It'll be a great place to live, grow, and be - working out life together where really good news is heard and shared.  A place where people learn to love, be loved and suffer together too - just as we were created to be?

Just for today...

"The change in me will be reflected in every person whose life touches mine."  One Day at a Time (p. 278)

"I've learned to live with, put up with, and tolerate many things. I wanted to change but was afraid to try for fear of the unknown . . . I finally tore the wallpaper down."  Hope for Today (p. 278)

"I realized that it was my own fear and shame, and not the embarrassing details of my problems, that kept me at a distance."  Courage to Change (p. 278)

September 23rd - They repeatedly cut me off - like sticking fingers in their ears

The story...

I recently attended an event with a group of people who I haven't met with for a few years.  As we worked out the socially acceptable conversation, it seemed they didn't want to hear my perspective, ideas, or story.  The frequent interruptions seemed to validate my take on this "group thing" - it appeared that I was violating their norms, values, and unwritten code of acceptable behavior.  It was almost as though the scene was and act in a play and that we were all suppose to act out our assigned roles. The "play" must go on as it has in the past.  Maybe the group was saying: "We've been just fine and dandy and we will not allow you to disrupt our patterns with your big, idealistic, ideas of how we might be better off according to you."  They wouldn't be wrong, I didn't want to be an actor in this play and I don't want to journey down their accepted path that seems to lead to something less than what I hope for.

I did deliver my messaging, although frequently interrupted, without overtly challenging what seemed to be rude and disrespectful behavior on their parts.  I felt rejected by the group and experienced feelings that might've propelled me to quickly react in disrespectful ways - I'm thankful that I showed respect and didn't react negatively.  I don't have to accept future invitations to return.

The only church in town will preach the Word of God - His Word will frequently conflict with the reality of how congregants are behaving and acting out their lives.  People will be free to work out their faith in reality amongst like-minded people within community.

Just for today...

"One of my character defects is to respond in kind to behavior that is directed to me - to react to insults with more insults, to rudeness with rudeness . . .  If I am always reacting then I am never free."  Courage to Change (p. 267)

"I will not try to outwit or outmaneuver anyone else, but will proceed quietly to live my life so I will have less reason for self-reproach. I will withdraw my mind from what others do, and think of what I am doing. I will not react to challenging words and actions."  One Day at a Time (p. 267)

"When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger."  Epictetus

September 18th - The value of "we" in community

The story...

My four siblings and I lived closely together.  Each family member seemed to provide something that other family members lacked.  Some took on a role that partly filled a group need: Planner, Encourager, Tester, Teacher, Story Teller, Helper, Organizer, Server, Project Leader, Decision Maker, Giver, Doer etc.  Maybe that means we were a bit dysfunctional when one of the family members was gone for a period of time?  I expect that we each flexed our style in order to recover some of the lost value of our missing sibling.  It's frustrating to see siblings compare each other to evaluate who is the "best" or to try to fulfill a "best" image that the family has conjured up.  It seems better to appreciate the value of the "we" and enjoy each other just as they are.  It's a good thing to be okay with who you are - this state of well being seems like a sound foundation for continual growth within the "good life."

It would be a shame if there was a family code that encouraged all members to live, think and act in similar ways according to a "best" standard.  "If I could just fix _____ then I'd be okay" - ugh.

People new to the only church in town would learn about the Body of Christ and how people are given unique characteristics, talents, and gifts in order to better form God's called out group of people according to His will (1 Corinthians 12).  Each person would be valued and offered the opportunity to engage in the church community.  The church would be a place where people would go to serve their role in something bigger and better than any one person could possibly do or be.

Just for today...

"Too often my memory has given me sadness, bringing back past hurt and shame. But now I can use my memory to see the progress I have made and to know the joy of gratitude."  Courage to Change (p. 262)

September 10th - "Fake it to make it" or "accept another's belief until it's real for you?"

The story...

We invited a new couple from our church to our home for dinner.  After dinner, we were sitting out on the deck discussing essentials of the Christian faith and contrasting that knowledge with the actual reality of a faith worked out - a real and working relationship with God and other people too.  Uncomfortably, we opened up the subject of "faking it to make it."  Clearly they were not attending this "new" church to be with people who were faking their Christian faith; yet, we acknowledged that trying on the Christian faith might be part of a process by which selves do work out a sort of death in preparation for beginning life as a new sort of creature in Christ.  They did move on to another church not long after our dinner discussion - that's okay.

Faking a belief that you hope is true, so that it might become real, seems wrong.  Wanting to believe what another person believes and therefore believing that they believe as a first step also seems wrong.  Yet, both of these paths might lead to that illusive outcome that's promised to be the very best.

Will the only church in town instruct children to act in a manner that's in accordance with the will of God before they're saved - yes.  Will non-believers be accepted just as they are and be allowed to act out the role outwardly before they are changed internally - yes.  Ideally it'd be different but it often ain't.

Just for today...

"Gradually and together we built roots and a pair of wings so I could soar and feel connected at the same time. I borrowed her faith until I acquired my own."  Hope for Today (p. 254)

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster."  Friedrich Nietzsche

September 2nd - Engage in community already - growing together is real good.

The story...

We rode our bicycles to Grand Haven and participated in the Coast Guard parade.  We seemed to fit in with our bike clothes as we squeezed along the parade route.  There were so... many people who seemed to have planned to feel and do good that day.  You could see and feel expectations of happiness with their decorations, sandwiches, red-white-blue clothes, and generally happy, gabby and cheering natures - throngs of like-minded people.  They were excited by the bands, small-floats, old-guys on small Cushman scooters, small lollipops, clowns, Coast Guard helicopters roaring overhead, and being together.  A woman threw me a stack of t-shirts that I passed out and wore - I felt engaged within the community.  I'm reexperiencing some of the joy and happiness as I recall the event.  Thank you Grand Haven - ya done real good!

I expected good and received that good along with the unexpected too.  I might've worried about how I'd be accepted by the group - possibly marginalized, or reexperiencing prior feelings of rejection.  The 44-mile bike ride had it's associated risks yet we accepted them.  What if the people I went with didn't want to do or go according to my will?  No, I was fully engaged in the "now," within community, and my self-focused will was virtually locked up - chained and left with the bikes next to that big tree.

Why not let down your guard and risk being kinder and engage in life already?  We might accept the risk of being amongst people with whom we might interact, learn, grow and experience the giving and receiving of love - together.  As for me and my house, the only church in town is the place where the good stuff of life's available 52 weeks per year.

Just for today...

"If I am expectant of good, it will surely come to me. Even the grace of courtesy gives rich immediate rewards in response . . . Concern, love and kindness on my part will be reflected in everything that takes place in my life." One Day at a Time (p. 246)

We all have a sort of reaction tolerance band.  Hyper reactions occur when I overreact and Hypo reactions occurs when I underreact.  Might widening that tolerance band minimize unhealthy reactions, to whatever the trigger, for the benefit of us all?

August 16th - Are close relationships worth it?

The story...

Where and when was I suppose to learn about the value of, and processes for, developing relationships?  I greatly valued my family but close relationships didn't happen there - I remained guarded and protected from each of them.  Didn't happen within grade school were I learned we were all different.  The neighborhood friends lasted a few years yet weren't very close.  Boy Scouts offered opportunities yet seemed to focus on activities, achievement and rewards.  They didn't happen at my local church - I assumed that the right people just weren't there.  I found closer relationships among band members and lunch-time friends yet they were situational and not very deep.  I didn't have the close boy-girl friend relationship in high school that some found.  The closer relationships that I developed during my college years were really important to me - I learned much about me and others there.  My hopes were set on that close relationship that I'd have with my future spouse - I looked forward to meeting her and growing our close relationship together.  

I'm so thankful for my relationship with my life partner.  We've grown much over the years.  I attribute much of our growth to the working of a right relationship as seen under God's bright Light.

Deer relationships - need each other?

Might the relationships we desire, to help us live a more full and satisfying life, be found within the only church in town?  You've had relationships with many people throughout your life; yet, those within a church will likely be somewhat different. There will be opportunities for: Casual friends who reflect community diversity and principles;  Close friends who you may walk side-by-side with toward the common goal;  Or, maybe a growing and deeper relationship with a spouse.  I hope that you would find your most satisfying relationship between you and your Creator - the One's that's best and lasts.

Just for today...

Were you looking for someone who meets your needs but expects little of you?  Maybe you were looking for a pet or a dog?

August 12th - Build together

The story...

The new furniture manufacturing job required leadership, managerial and individual contributor skills.  The role required project management, problem solving, extra time, learning, trusting, accountability, mentoring, encouragement, and a winner's mindset.  People were both watching and relying on me - I was a necessary part of something bigger.

After I adapted and better fit into the furniture building community, I deeply appreciated being part of the goal oriented organization.  I was most surprised at how much I enjoyed spending Saturday mornings with fellow co-workers as we bonded, rubbed shoulders, freely worked, laughed, listened, and more closely shared life together.  Sure, I was away from my home and family; yet, I was living and growing with other people while working towards a greater good - part of a productive community.  Those Saturday morning real-life experiences are precious to me now.

Built together

As we enter into the community of the only church in town, I hope that we'll find comfort, quiet and peace in reality - true rest.  It'll be a place where we seek to more honestly understand others and discover how we might best fit in.  Being quiet and listening with our ears, hearts, and spirits too - listening for opportunities - taking first steps.  Being okay with push back from others - letting them be. Walking humbly with the Lord our God. Truly, His aim and way is best by definition.

Just for today...

"...let me learn to accept things as they are, and stop manipulating them into changing. Let me look for a wiser approach to life from myself, not from other people."  One Day at a Time (p. 225)

July 21st - Does a birdfeeder help or hurt the birds?

The story...

I've enjoyed feeding birds over the last few years.  Surely, they don't need seed in May yet they seem to appreciate it the rest of the year.  We can sense the community of nature around our house and feeders.  The squirrels, turkey and deer search the area for fallen seed.  More birds seem to live and nest in the area. Our chunk of the woods seems more alive and vibrant.  The sound of singing birds contribute to a sense of peacefulness.

The bird feeding naysayers say that the bird population might rise artificially to an unsustainable level, or it's a waste of time and money, or they may catch diseases from their close proximity to each other, or the woodpeckers will tear our house up, or we'll stop feeding them and upset the ecosystem.  The costs of living in a bird community are too high - the birds must live independently in order to survive.

Turkeys, squirrel, & deer must wish they'd get at the source of that seed.

The only church in town will be kind of like my bird feeder.  People congregate and feed off good together.  The people are different and don't always get along yet they need each other.  It certainly is a place to spread summer colds.  The quality of the food delivery can vary and some will say "idealistically" it should be different.  Yet the source is available to them - truth from the Word God.

As for me and my house, we plan on continuing to enjoy feeding the birds and feeding our hearts, minds, souls, and spirits along with our fellow sojourners within church.

Just for today...

"At best my family had poor communication or none at all. It seemed no one was available to help me. In fact, I usually was the recipient of criticisms and complaints. Instead of feeling united with my family, I felt isolated and alone."  Hope for Today (p. 203)

"When I let go of a situation, I allow life to unfold according to that plan. I open my mind and let other ways of thinking or behaving enter in. When I let go of another person, I am affirming their right to live their own life, to make their own choices, and to grow as they experience the results of their actions."  Courage to Change (p.203)

July 8th - Life is lived breath by breath...

The story...

In accounting, assets need to balance liabilities with a net sum of zero - life ain't that way.  If I want a particular outcome, or series of events, then I'll always be disappointed.  Yet, if I live in the present and value my relationships; then, my assets can be huge and my liabilities mere needs that can be fulfilled by the grace of God and love extended from others.

The only church in town would be a place where people meet neighbors who are thankful for life and every breath they breathe in the present.  Yes, life is a gift lived out in the present.

A breath of life recorded

I wonder if we'll breathe in eternity?  Will there be darkness when the "Light" is there?

Just for today...

"A great deal can be learned as a result of painful circumstances, but they are not my only teachers. I live in a world of wonders. Today I will pay attention to their gentle wisdom."  Courage to Change (p. 190)

"In those who are still bound to their unhappiness, we hear, beyond their words, angry judgments of the . . . , self pity, and a grim determination to 'win the battle,' no matter what."  One Day at a Time (p. 190)

July 2nd - Is a Peaceful or Vibrant Chapter Best?

The story...

What does being peaceful mean to you - Less consternation, calm feelings, a quiet sense of purpose and strong relationships?   Some would rather have a vibrant life characterized by: excited thoughts, amped up feelings, a sense that anything's possible, and a life less bounded by relationships?

Maybe younger adults are designed to live vibrant lives and older people are designed to work out more peaceful lives.  If that's true, then is it reasonable to expect a younger person to live with a sense of peace, calmness, and purpose?  Would a peaceful person be able to move mountains, lead thousands, and work out a close and continual relationship with their God too?

I'm thankful for each stage of life and how I've learned to say goodbye to the old and hello to the new.  The book of my life wouldn't be as rich and meaningful without all the chapters - the good, the bad, and the ugly too.

The only church in town would be full of unique and wonderful biographies that're all in the process of being written.  There'd be a library where people could read completed biographies yet they wouldn't spend too much time there.  They'd all recognize the great value of experiencing the current chapter of each person within community.

Just for today...

"If I am getting in the way of my own best interests, a closer look at my behavior can lead to positive changes."  Courage to Change (p. 184)

July 1st - Let 'em Be Free

The story...

My rebellious spirit resisted efforts to fix, manage, control or dominate me.  Had I been more compliant, I likely would've received better grades, learned to play a cornet better, better understood what others were into, and been a part of more groups too.  I do greatly appreciate the groups and relationships that I've been a part of; yet, I seemed driven towards freedom from group think and domineering controlling types.  Sadly, this meant that I had to find ways to deal with the rejection that goes along with a rebellious spirit.

The jobs that I chose, and flourished in, allowed me to exercise my independence and drive change in the processes that converted inputs into outputs.  Rebel against the status quo and change things to make them better.  The jobs involved imagination, risk, reward, influence, and an internal need to succeed - I was naturally good at this type of work and change characterized my career.  When things became too predictable, I moved on towards the next thing.

Was I born to walk this road or was I a product of my environment?  Nobody knows the answer.  I do believe that we all need every person to work out their unique abilities, skills and talents for the benefit of us all.

How might the only church in town be a place where all people would congregate when some of them are rebels like me?  I think that we'd let each person work out their own lives and provide opportunities for groups who would focus on relationships amongst congregates.  Yet, the - North Star - purpose would always be for each person to rest in their right relationship with God in Christ.

Just for today...

"...what I view as a finely developed sense of responsibility may actually amount to a form of dominance." Hope for Today (p.183)

"...the man I married cannot be the source of my happiness or sorrow.  The gift of life is personally mine - as his life belongs to him - to enjoy or destroy, as each of us wishes."  One Day at a Time ([. 183)

"Ever'thing there is but lovin' leaves a rust on yo' soul." Langston Hughes

June 29th - Is Isolation a Sort of Cloaking Device?

The story...

I remember day dreaming about a scenario where everybody else was frozen in time . . . paused . . . and I was free to roam and do as I pleased.  At first, it seemed exciting breaking all of the rules and having free reign to go anywhere that I wanted to; but, I imagined transportation, food, and safety issues.  Then, I'd have to admit that it would be horribly lonely and purposeless living in isolation without relationships.  No, it wouldn't be better, more comfortable, enjoyable or even exciting for long.

How do we best respond when we're emotionally hurt by other people?  Do people really respond like Steve Martin in the movie "The Jerk?" Imagining we are self sufficient, don't need anyone else, pretending everything's okay, and moving further down the spiral towards self isolation.

What do we get when we self isolate?  Obsessive thoughts that justify the isolation along with their physical, mental and emotional consequences?   Erosion of the social skills that enable us to get along with and cooperate with other selfish people for our mutual good and growth?  It's kind of like Maverick's self isolation in Top Gun: "Maverick Engage!"

Cabbie's Imagined place of peace and bliss - Movie - Collateral

I hope that the only church in town will allow people the freedom to live out their lives themselves.  Yes, even through periods of isolation; but, I hope that they wouldn't stay away from others for too long.  I hope that a good neighbor, who's also loved by God, would take the first steps toward creating a bridge for them to reenter community. ✌

Just for today...

"Each unconsciously suppresses facts that might reflect badly on him or her, and exaggerates the other's faults."  One Day at at Time (p. 181)

"I no longer merely have to survive the hour, the day, or even the year in loneliness and isolation.  Instead I can learn to trust someone else and take chances..."  Hope for Today (p. 181)

April 5th - Do we really need a rule?

The story...

Maybe it's because I grew up in a small town where parking was free and plentiful - I resent parking permits and meters.  I freed my bike from the campus lock with bolt cutters; I pled my ticket case in front of the campus security board; and I found a way to not pay my parking tickets before I graduated.  Instead, I wrote a check for same amount owed to the "Alumni Fund" and mailed it to Campus Security - "You're never going to get the money for those tickets!"  My dad was shocked when he saw my name listed as one of the larger Alumni donors for the year.  

I've lived too much of my life rebelling against systems that didn't work best for me or seemed unfair.  Like many, I likely grew up self focused and less concerned about other people or the community at large.  It seems I wasn't interested much in the macro picture of life and worked to sub-optimize my own micro situation - the world of me, myself and I.

I must've valued the availability of a close and safe parking space when I needed it.  It's logical that parking lots can't be designed to hold the greatest number of cars that may want to park there.  And, I didn't want to pave paradise and put up a parking lot.  So, we do need to obey rules that best serve our community?  

Now, I'm so thankful for community leaders who actually work their vision of the future into fruition.  And, I'm pleased to pay my taxes and have less consternation about paying parking fees too.  Rather than merely enforcing the rules against my will, I expect that it might have been better to teach the younger me about the value of community and the need for the rules that help sustain it.

The only church in town needs rules too.  If they've white carpet then those entering must take off their shoes.  Rules may also be required to protect the "essentials" that're necessary to sustain and grow us.

Just for today...

"When I feel stressed, I'll stop to check whether my basic needs are being met." Hope for Today (p. 96)

March 30th - Thermostat or Thermometer?

The story...

I was alone for 12 days while my spouse was traveling.  I kept busy doing projects and meeting with people, at least once, every day.  It was good to pick her up at the airport and return to a more normal home life.  However, I noticed that I began speaking more loudly and quickly when telling a good story or discussing daily events.  I noticed the change in intensity and made adjustments by lowering my voice and slowing down.  I mentioned this to her and she noticed the changes I was making.  She said that it was just fine the way things were yet I think that quieter and less intense is preferable.  Maybe it's just the way I am due to growing up with four loud siblings.

I mentioned this story to a pastor friend and asked him if he believed this to be a worthy personal change effort.  He encouraged me to work at this better communication style.  And, he relayed a wise metaphor that he found helpful.  When entering the room, you can choose to be either a thermometer or a thermostat.  A thermometer matches the "temperature" of the room while the thermostat can change the "temperature" of the room.

I expect that the only church in town would have a temperature, or level of intensity, that allows for all people to feel more comfortable, respected, loved, and engaged.  Each player effects the temperature whether it be good or bad.

Just for today...

"My efforts to be selfless by trying to please everyone but myself weren't working.  The focus was on their response rather than on what seemed right for me to do."  Courage to Change (p. 90)

"Until I am intimate with myself and treat myself with compassion, kindness, trust, acceptance, and love, I can't be the spouse, friend, son, or father I want to be." Hope for Today (p. 90)

March 29th: Pray Continually?

The story...

I assumed it was some type of extreme idea or hyperbole: "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. NASB)   How could a man be in continual contact with God?  Is that the will of God?  

Later in life, I found this truth worked out in reality - sensing and observing an ongoing relationship between the Spirt of God and my spirit..  Being truly awake and alert to the reality of the present.  Fruit born without all the turmoil that goes along with trying to be a good boy.  The greatest commandment worked out?

I've heard that being right with God, and walking humbly with Him, is like finally discovering the oil reserve deep below your house.  You notice it bubbling out of the ground.  Then one day you decide to pump it out of the ground and use it thereafter.  The idea of using your untapped resource is acted out in the opening credits for one of the best TV shows of all time.

The only church in town would teach God's revealed Word and the people would work out their faith in God's Word together.  They'd walk alongside each other as they learn to abide in Christ.  One day, they might naturally experience unceasing prayer.  Each of them would be different, in their own unique and gifted way, yet together they'd be awesome in Christ.  

Just for today...

"I lost my conscious contact with God. I gained weight, stopped exercising, and lost interest in my home and family.  I started isolating, and I sank into depression."  Hope for Today (p. 89)

"Worrying and fear can alter our perceptions until we lose all sense of reality, twisting neutral situations into nightmares.  Because most worry focuses on the future, if we can learn to stay in the present, living one day or one moment at at time, we take positive steps toward warding off our fear."  Courage to Change (p. 150)

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. (NASB)

March 21st: Camper or Motorcycle?

The story...

It's not hard to remember the effort it took to pack up for, and unpack from, a camping vacation.  It seemed right to bring everything that we expected to need - to not be found wanting.  Strangely, part of the idea was to get away from the stuff and our routine.

A motorcycle trip is different - space is limited so you bring what you need - this or that.   What happens if it rains?  You get wet and maybe spend time hanging out with others in an unexpected place - you do dry out an often appreciate the people you both helped and allowed to help you.

Motorcyclists often offer a solidarity arm gesture to other riders as they pass each other on the road and they also tend to share stories at the gas pumps too - you do spend more time at gas stations.  When traveling on my motorcycle, I feel like I'm part of a bigger group that wants a freer life.

You can like the idea of riding a motorcycle and buy one this week.  You might keep it stored under a tarp in the back of your garage and take it out occasionally to drive around the neighborhood.  It might be safer that way and your bike would stay shinier and newer looking - maybe that's why so many used motorcycles have few miles on their odometer. 

This motorcycle was great . . .

It seems that the only church in town might be a lot like a biker group.  Living more freely in the present together, rid of the extra baggage, more purposeful.  Like the Greek work "ecclesia" - a called out group of people who wanna be free.

Just for today...

"I've heard that we don't necessarily gravitate toward what is good for us; we gravitate toward what feels like home."  Hope for Today (p. 81)  

"Logic may dictate a certain course of action while my inner voice urges me in a different direction.  I may have an easier time when I follow the dictates of logic, convenience, or past experience, but am I cheating myself out of something much better?"  Courage to Change (p. 81)

March 6th - Like swimming laps

 The story...

They say swimming is good for you.  For me, it's my best alternative.  I wonder what swimming is like for young athletes; all those hours with their head down thinking about what?  This is my second go at swimming as part of a life style - a habit.  The whole process takes about two hours with 35 minutes actually doing my version of freestyle.  I pack my bag, drive, find a space, find my way in, talk to a friend, change, shower, jump in, start my Apple watch, swim, shower, change, talk again, and drive somewhere.  Why would a sane person do such a thing?  For me, it's part of a better life.  I expect that people who come closest to knowing me would agree that this is a good investment of these chunks of life.  I plan on sticking with it until...

How does a person think while their eyes are watching those tile squares, on the bottom of the pool, flow by?  I used to think about how much longer I had to do this - my watch takes care of that now.  Each time's different yet the same in some ways.  You can't hear much, can't see much, can't smell much, can't taste much but you do feel a whole lot as you almost weightlessly float along.  I come out of the pool feeling rested and more peaceful.  And, a bit closer to my inner-man - maybe even my spirit/Spirit connection?

The one I love is running is within this photo.

The only church in town might feel like the community pool.  I hope you enjoy pondering this one and maybe even planning to visit your community pool.  Might a change to your routine help you "be."

Just for today...

"When I was angry and wanted to argue, I silently fumed.  When I was hurt and wanted comfort, I pouted. When I wanted attention, I talked non-stop. I couldn't understand why I rarely got the responses I expected!  I no longer expect anyone to read my mind."  Courage to Change (p. 66)