November 30th - Expecting less and freedom to grow

The story...

Each new class began with great expectations.  I imagined the best from the syllabi and believed the instructor's opening arguments and impassioned pleas.  I willed to diligently study, stay curious, apply truths, and be a better, more capable, version of me.  The instructor, me, and classmates could live up to my expectations.  My idealistic expectations were unrealistic - I expected too much from us all.

Might we expect less from others and appreciate actualities?  Many of our community problems seem rooted in our inordinate expectations for them and us.  God doesn't expect much from the old nature we were born with.  He revealed that we are only good when positioned with Him and He is the only being who can restore our relationship.  Yes, He provided the Way to erase the sin barrier between He and we. Might there be a place where we could appreciate life as it is, imagine veiled reality together, and allow each the freedom to grow as gifted together?  The only church in town would be that place.

Just for today...

"It's unrealistic to expect perfection from an imperfect being in an imperfect world. The only perfection I can hope to attain is to be perfectly imperfect."  Hope for Today (p. 335)

"Everyone who plays a part in our lives offers something we might learn. Other people can be our mirrors, reflecting our better or worse qualities. They can help us to work through conflicts from the past that were never resolved."  Courage for Change (p. 335)

"Expected much; Got different - Graceful eyes; Saw better."   Am I a Poet?

November 29th - Trying to control the uncontrollable?

The story...

The weather's going to vary.  We might try to control it by moving to a new spot on the globe; yet, it'll vary there too.  We can influence the weather we experience; but, do we really control it?  

We're better able to plan for weather variation in our homes.  We may look at the short-term forecast and  plan accordingly.  Many change their home's environment using: a thermostat with heat and cooling source(s);  a hygrometer to start up the humidifier or dehumidifier; or reported pollen counts to decide to filter the air or close the windows.  Some people don't like it the same way and want the weather within the house to vary too.  Settings are agreed to by compromise or directed by those with authority.  The weather never seems to be quite right.

We try to build homes that are sustainable under all reasonable weather expectations and don't require excessive effort to control them.  We may change the way we dress to better fit how we want to be.  Maybe we'll choose to work in the morning, go to either the air-conditioned mall or beach when it's hot; or travel during periods of weather that's not to our liking.  Maybe its better to accommodate the weather rather than judging it an attempting to control it.   Maybe we could minimize our opinions about the weather and appreciate the natural variation - that sounds good to me.  Yet, I'm going to heat, cool, and filter to adjust for the extremes that may disrupt my life.  I'll dress to accommodate the weather - go with the flow.

How about choosing to be thankful for each day's weather and refrain from judging it to be good or bad?  I'd like to live my life accommodating and appreciating variation.  That'd be better than working never-ending cycles of measuring, judging, controlling, and deeming it to be either good or bad.  And, I'd treat other community members in a similar way.  Engage in their lives and enjoy each other without trying to fix, manage, and control them according to what I expect is best for them.  They won't all be my friends; but, I intend to offer grace, mercy, love, and respect to each.

The only church in town will be thankful for the grace, forgiveness, and love that God pours out on us through our Lord Jesus the Christ.  Church people will work out a similar, albeit clunky, graceful heart within their relationships too - mirroring how God loves them.

Just for today...

"Being an adult was looking good on the outside and not feeling what was going on the inside . . . The first thing to go was the control over others - it simply doesn't work  . . .  Today I can risk being myself. I don't have to live up to anyone's image."  Courage to Change (p. 334)

"Today I can put the past where it belongs and focus on taking care of myself. I needn't wait for someone to do it for me."  Hope for Today (p. 334)

"This self-imposed struggle to control the uncontrollable is certainly not rational."  One Day at a Time (p. 334)

"There it is; Now it ain't - Bouncing along; Loosely free."
"Grab on; Hold fast - Steady now; It's gone."    Am I a Poet?

November 28th - Are you heard?

The story...

It's a special thing to be in a relationship where both: have similar aims and each other's best interest at heart; communicate honestly and respectfully; and are known and cared for.  When sharing is balanced, good friends grow together and enjoy each other's presence.  I'm so thankful for growing alongside close fiends.

I hope you enjoy these three friendship quotes from C.S. Lewis's book "The Four Loves."  I've listened, and enjoyed an audio version of this book at least a half-dozen times.

• “Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”
  
  
• “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
  
  
• “I have no duty to be anyone's Friend and no man in the world has a duty to be mine. No claims, no shadow of necessity. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

The only church in town will be a group that contains many friends that make up a better whole.  They'll share a common aim, hope, and experience - together.  Each friendship is a good story within the epic saga of life.

Just for today...

"I lugged my childhood grudges into adulthood . . . All I really needed was to be heard. Then I could let go of some ugly feelings."  Hope for Today (p. 333)

"I will learn . . . to recognize my errors, to see the roadblocks of self-will and self-righteousness I have been putting in my way. Then I will no longer insist that a thing is impossible because I have been unable to accomplish it."  One Day at a Time (p. 333)

"Many of the things I had once thought of as virtues - taking care of everyone around me, worrying about other people's lives, sacrificing my own happiness and prosperity - turned out to be the causes of my misery!"  Courage to Change (p. 333)

"He refers to; I recall so - We scale walls; O'er solid footholds."
"Friendship session; Mutually strong - Liven and lovin; Ain't wrong."    Am I a Poet?

November 27th - Top-10 Reasons for Being Thankful

The story...

I'm so thankful to be thankful because I'm thankful.

My top-ten thankful reasons:

1. God's Word confirms my faith in Christ.
2. Each breath I breath - I'm alive.
3. My life partner promised to stick with and love me no matter what.
4. Family members whom engage in life with me.
5. Ability to receive, understand, store, recall and apply knowledge.
6. Close friends with whom I walk through life towards a common aim.
7. A warm, comfortable, safe home within the security of the USA.
8. Mobility to go where I want to go and care for myself.
9. Wise, "Yes," choices that help me grow and be.
10. Medical system that enables me to be active and relatively pain free.

The only church in town will teach, preach, and proclaim good reasons for being thankful.  In the community, some will find the comforts of this life out of reach.  Yet, their souls often sing with joy - faith worked our it reality.  Community living like this should've been in my top ten list - I wonder where I might've inserted it and what it would've replaced?

Just for today...

"If I so choose, I can regard everything that happens in my life as a gift from which I can learn and grow."  Courage to Change (p. 332)

"Chose a mate; Wanted 'em so - Different soul; Won't always go."
"Naively entered; The big deal - In forever; Courthouse seal."
"Wanted a pet; Got like me - Bouncing along; Lovin we."    Am I a Poet?

November 26th - Relationship Sweet Spots - Good Vibrations

The story...

Close relationships have been a very important part of my life - likely why this post took so many words to explain.  Relationships require an investment of my whole person for focused periods of time.  Here's the glue that seems to help them grow within my life walk:

• Who: similar personalities and journeys - ages from 35 younger to five older
• What: naturally balanced listening and sharing - share what is and may be
• Where: coffee shop, restaurant, church, or mail
• When: monthly person-to-person - convenient time of day - one to two+ hours
• Why:  honest life shares - giving & receiving - growing together
• How: sharing equally with few unrequested opinions - like a good game of tennis

How's a strong relationship like a good game of tennis?  You share equally and often like a tennis volley with an information-packet ball.  Each is respected or you won't continue to play.  You'll periodically meet at mutually agreeable times and courts.  You'll have similar expectations for volleying conversation.  You'll accommodate your partner's quirks and limitations.  You'll enjoy returning their shot from your racquet's sweet-spot at a similar energy levels.  The conversation will be invigorating as if you're fully both connected; yet, independent too.

Please don't turn the joyful relationship into a win-lose game like tennis may be.  I heard Maryland's football coach once say his team's "care factor" was excellent.  The "care factor" measure correlated closely with success.  Close friends would measure their relationships high on the care-factor scale.

The sweet-spot of the racquet is where the vibrations of the racquet cancel out and the forces are more fully transferred into the ball return.  Those vibrations are irritating, fatiguing and even harmful to our bodies.  Yes, a good conversation and a good tennis volley are similar.  We all know how fatiguing unwanted "vibes" between people can be.  Bad vibes aren't okay within a close relationship - they continually wear down, erode, and destroy relationships.

The only church in town will be one group with a kind of personality of it's own.  There'll be sub-groups that'll have their own personalities too.   Within these "purposed" groups you'll find opportunities to develop friendships with people more like you.  These relationships will be like honestly walking side-by-side through life.  Discussions will likely engage the mind, senses, feelings, inner-man, and spirit too.  When our journey strays off track, a friend can help us "wake up" and return to the better way.

We're blinded to spiritual reality when we focus on ourselves and ignore who we actually are as creatures - creatures created by a living and active God.  He's interested and powerfully working through our todays, tomorrows, and our eternal future too - He says so.  Experiencing a relationship with Him in Christ is like no other - "I'm with Him."

Just for today...

"... we don't tell anybody what to do. People only accept and use advice they're ready for . . . When I am asked for advice, I know only what I would do if I were faced with the same problem, and not what would be right for another."  One Day at a Time (p. 331)

"I learned to trust no one, to stay silent at all costs, to stuff my feelings, never to stand up for myself, to take on more responsibility than I could handle, to love conditionally, and to tell white lies to cover up my home life. No wonder as an adult I perceived that close interpersonal relationships were like constantly moving targets.  Usually I was the one who was moving because I lacked the skills to develop and maintain healthy adult relationships."  Hope for Today (p. 331)

"He serves; She receives - Returns follow; Swings adapt."
"Volley sustained; Connected pair - Two as one; Wholly together."   Am I a Poet?

November 25th - Imagined reality - bent truth

The story...

Is it wise to imagine and create a positive self image?  Why not choose a better identity and change how you wish to be perceived?  You could plan and execute the change.  Through interpersonal strength, you'd hold onto, and defend, the imagined reality even if it required bending the truth.  Is that what it takes to be perceived as a good actor and reap rewards within the game of life?  Sadly, imagined realities and stories don't mesh well with others who're doing the same.  So, you might work to influence, manipulate, or control them so that they support your story.  Treat them like supporting actors in the story of "me."  It's hard to write this, let alone read it aloud - my inner-man seems like that.

Surely, living alongside other selfish people can be harsh.  It may seem reasonable to adopt a self-created role that allows us to get along while "trying" meet our own needs.  When efforts to get along don't work, we may pick up our toys and go home - stay isolated.  We might seek warmth and comfort by wrapping up in that old-raggedy blanket of our self image - sounds a bit cold and Grinchy.

The only church in town will share God's revealed Word about the nature that we were born with - that selfish, self-sustaining, and self-promoting nature who thinks of me first.  They'll hear about what God did to redeem His creatures, pay our God-offensive sin debts, so that we might walk through this life and eternity with our most holy God and Father - peacefully.  Wow, they'll hear that good news there - "the" story to know and share.

Just for today...

"Sometimes the greatest growth comes through pain, but it's not the pain that helps me grow, it's my response to it.  Will I suffer through the experiences and continue as before or let the pain inspire change that helps me grow?"  Courage to Change (p. 330)

"Imagined greatness; Happiness to garner - Resist His truth; Life dwindles afar."   Am I a Poet?

November 24th - Getting better or worse - nobody stays the same

The story...

A wise guy told me that about their habit of seeking to discover at least one thing of value from every conversation.  Looking for those "golden nuggets" helped him to listen, and stay engaged, in what might've been a boring or taxing conversation.  The speaker likely appreciated the attentive listener - albeit offered with a selfish motive.  Yes, this is one way to win friends and influence people for your benefit - and the speaker gets heard as well.  Everybody wins - right?

The self-help book craze peaked in the 1960s and continued strong for decades.  Yet, trying or acting to be somebody different than who you actually are is wrought with problems.  Being a good actor in life, who's well received by others, seems like a good path; yet, being that good person and working out that reality more naturally seems better to me.  There're reasons to believe we need to "fake it to make it" - how else do we become who we want to be?

There will be authentically good people who are interested in us, "yes you," within the only church in town.  Some will be redeemed - walking more rightly and humbly with God - we'll be compelled to listen to their conversation, heart, and spirit/Spirit connection.  When we experience the power of God  . . . we won't desire better.  Surely, that natural part of us will cause us to drift away; but, He doesn't leave His adopted sons and daughters there long.  He loves those that are His.  The first and second greatest commandments is living within this "sweet spot" of life.

Just for today...

"How many have given me a constructive idea to take away with me and use? That is the only measure of a truly valuable meeting."  One Day at a Time (p. 329)

"What can I do by day's end to improve myself? Is there something I can learn? Is there some challenge I can meet? Is there some old tired fear I can walk through and be rid of?"  Courage to Change (p. 329)

"Eyes see me; Ears truly hear - Mutual care; Preciously near."
"Opportunity knocked; Resist or be - Lower the armor; Lovingly see."   Am I a Poet

November 23rd - Identify, apply, and disposition the fear(s)

The story...

Lumbar defects were physical problem(s) that led me to feel: anxious, whiney, and powerless against them.  The fear also caused my really-strong back muscles to tighten up and compress my spine.  The "tightening" exasperated the problem and accelerated degradation - may lead to unrepairable nerve damage too.  Worrying doesn't "not hurt" and likely adds to future "hurt."

Worrying, anxiety, and fear may accelerate back pain.  Are worrying, anxiety, and fear ever warranted?  Truly, these emotions can spur us on towards a better course of action.  Fear-motivated life changes may result in pain avoidance.  It took me about a week to stop whining about the resurrected back pain - I experienced it about 15 years before.  Can we behave more "emotionally intelligent?"  It's possible to sense our emotions, better understand them, and disposition them when they've served their purposes.

With regards to my back problems; the medical system is designed to do what I can't do for myself.  Truly, the process needs my attention and involvement; but, they intervene to effect the change.  Most care givers seemed to love me along the way - they gave me what I needed.  Their care felt real good - kinda like receiving love.

There are some life truths that I don't want to face today.  For those, a reasonable amount of anxiety will help me remember and motivate me to action - to move forward or change.  It does make sense to be "in tune" with our emotions.  Taking that first step can be real hard.  I'm thankful for friends who shine the light of reality on our conditions.  We have a history of people caring for us.  Their kind intervention can be interpreted as love.

Many within the only church in town will be "okay" enough to listen to and care for their fellow pilgrims.  They'll actually hear other's words, emotions, self stories, and needs.   This inter-person care is a great part of being in the Body of Christ and walking rightly with God  (Micah 6:8).

Just for today...

"Just for today I will not be afraid of anything. If my mind is clouded with nameless dreads, I will track them down and expose their unreality . . . God is in charge of me and mine."  One Day at a Time (p. 328)

"I kissed her tears away, the way I wanted her to do for me when I was a child . . . I held her, and we cried together in joy and love."  Hope for Today (p. 328)

"Feelin truly sad; Can't say so - Nobody cares; Hidden woe."
"Best friend listens; Reflects veiled truth - Feeling to action; Held since youth."   Am I a Poet?

November 22nd - Rightly related to God?

The story...

I prefer a day: waking up at a consistent time with thankfulness; planning for & doing good; being honest - grounded in reality; loving me & others; exercising my body & mind - strengthening each; saying yes more than no; being quiet; dispatching potentially obsessive thinking within five minutes; tuning into my virtual spiritual radio - albeit the station's "staticy;" giving; being kind & receiving kindness; feeding my body & soul; seeking to understand before being understood; walking forward on my pilgrimage alongside close friends; and being a person through whom God is active.  Yet, my free will chooses to do differently each day.  Why?

My noble motives for behaving differently, even in the opposite direction, include my: need to be safe from harm; personal protection boundaries; scarcity of resources; American dream of the good life; acceptance by others; need to fix, manage, and control other people towards my vision of "our" good; avoiding fears from the past, present, and future; desire to receive good grades from the judge(s); escape from unfavorable circumstances; pain avoidance; telling of my good life story; loyalty to my family; and justifications for the way things are - "justified."

I expect that the first paragraph is about being rightly related to God and the second paragraph is about self protection and promotion.  The first paragraph was possible because my unholy self nature was judged, found wanting, yet redeemed and reconciled with God, sin debt paid for, by God Himself in Christ - "I'm with Him."  My part was believing on God and His great redemptive work in Christ.

The second paragraph characterizes me working out life by me and for me.  Thankfully, my conscience and the Spirit of God convicts me of this wrong way of being before I cause too much harm.  He restores me daily in a loving way.  My life seems to be continuing cycles of restoration that're heading in a good direction - like we might expect a loving Father to do for those who are His.

The PDCA model is good - yet, different - standardizing & sustaining change

The only church in town will learn and know that they can respond to His calling and be His.  They'll find fellow pilgrims to walk together with through life's circumstances.  Yes, a continuing series of restorative cycles that strengthen our need for receiving love from our heavenly Father - that kind of love is infectious - It can't stay still.  Love spreads far and wide - shining revealing Light everywhere.

Just for today...

"Half an hour's meditation is essential except when you are very busy. Then a full hour is necessary."  Francis de Sales

"First I need to develop a relationship with God . . . Next, I learn to become at peace with myself . . .  I can't be that person when I'm overly controlled by guilt, fear, and resentment and negligibly aware of my gifts and talents . . . Lastly, I start acting responsibly toward others."  Hope for Today (p. 326)

"...conflicting views become merely different views, so our problems can be solved with tolerant understanding and mutual respect."  One Day at a Time (p. 326)

"What's to be; Anxious mind's plea - Presently abiding; Placid deep sea."   Am I a Poet?

November 21st - What might a "broken" person let go of?

The story...

I did my best, created a comfortable home, and tried to help those in my care to be their best.  Then something upset the game board - other people's games and the circumstances of life.  The tokens, pegs, fake money and cards were strewn about - the game of life no longer worked - it was moving in directions that I didn't plan for or expect.  There had to be a better way. 

A friend recommended that I meet with a group of people who may help me turn life's chaos into a new and better way of living.  I'm so thankful that I "Zoomed" into my first virtual meeting with them. They taught me that their efforts to fix, manage, and control other people's live is fruitless and harmful.  The only person who I was capable of changing was me.  I learned much in the first year and lived a better way the second year.  I live a different sort of life now.  I respect relationships more and allow them the dignity to live out their own lives.  I more fully trust God, and bear more fruit that both I and others enjoy.  I'm living a more humble/honest life walking more closely within our present and eternal reality.  My more trusting and open relationships enable a wonderful sort of pilgrimage towards the Celestial City together - trusting God.  It's the good stuff that eluded me during my earlier years.  Strangely, I'm soo... thankful for the brokenness that upset my boat, knocked down the house of cards, and helped me trust God.

The only church in town will be comprised of people in all stages of life.  They'll learn about the reality of life together.  Each person will have a different personality, and when together, will form a group personality too.  The personality of the group will reflect their "head" - their Lord.

Just for today...

"Some people don't know how badly they need a new way of life until disaster overtakes them."  One Day at a Time (p. 326)

"Today I know that I can't fix anyone else but myself, and I challenge myself daily to seek a richer, more meaningful life. I'm taking risks, facing fears, making changes, speaking up, making myself available to life."  Courage to Change (p. 326)

"Getting by; Making my way - Brokenness fell; Had no say."
"Dependent on God; Close friends too - Love grew up; Hope for you."   Am I a Poet?