November 14th - My survival skills

The story...

Most of us developed survival skills to make it through K-12 - our elementary, junior, and high school years. High school was when I was expected to learn and experience what I needed to be a full-functioning member of society.  The graduation speech said that we had limitless potential within the United States of America.  What did I do over those 13 years?

• Learned to obey the teacher, complete assignments, and value good grades.
• Progressed through boy scouts to the rank of "Life Scout."
• Fulfilled the job requirements of a paper delivery boy for 4 yrs. - wasn't motivated to sell new subscriptions but faithfully delivered the papers and collected the money.
• Built a large wooden tool box, smashed my thumb with a hammer, sewed my own reversible vest, and cooked potato soup.in junior-high shop class.  They required the boys to take home-economics for two months during 8th grade.
• Completed drivers education and was awarded my drivers license.
• Fulfilled the requirements of a drug store general worker and delivery boy for 2 yrs.  Crashed their cars several times.
• Developed friends - mostly from band and work experiences.
• Completed all the math classes offered and survived the English classes.
• Fell in love multiple times yet didn't experience the boy-girl friend closeness that I hoped for.
  
  

My High School

Who was I at that graduation ceremony?

• Accepted Christ as my Savior at eight.
• Learned a work ethic and financial skills with the money I earned.
• Distanced myself from the church - worked every other Sunday.
• Became a story-teller to engage in group conversation.
• Looked for love where I thought it might be found - love was elusive.
• Interacted socially yet never really felt like I fit in.
• Accepted at a state college - to be an engineer.  There I expected to start over - to be somebody.
• Learned survival skills - boundaries, armor, and habits.

The only church in town is a place where you can learn the reality of being truly okay.  Okay with God, you, and your neighbors too.  I was so thankful, in 1980, when Steve and Marlene said to me:  "We would like you to go to church with us - please come."

Just for today...

"I was powerless over my childhood. The survival skills that I developed made my adult life unmanageable."  Hope for Today (p. 319)

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1 (NASB)

August 5th - I needed to be asked.

The story.,.

Ottumwa, Iowa was my hometown - about 30,000 people.  My employment options were limited yet I really appreciated and learned much from both my paper routes and my job as a drug-store delivery boy.  There were other kids whose jobs had different pay, hours, relationships, and location.  Yet, I was thankful for the job that I had.  I knew both people who had the jobs before me and they both asked me if I'd like to have the job. 

Yes, I'm comfortable with my life patterns and often do need to be asked to make changes.  After I'm asked, accept, and learn my new role, I often ask myself, why did I need to be asked?  Was I really free to choose before being asked?  Was I behaving complacently without accurately assessing my condition and environment?  Was I really self aware as to what was going on?

Since people in the USA are free to move within the country, it's reasonable to assume that our current job and community is not the best possible fit; however, relationships are real, valuable, and are lost with each job or community shift.

My current home in Western Michigan is great and I've no plans of leaving.  What if someone asks me to switch communities in order to fulfill a new job or role?  Would I be sensitive enough to the Will of God that I'd choose the better life-course correction?

Switching churches won't be a problem when there's only one church in town; yet, the decision to trust God and engage in the church community will be a big one for every soul who enters their doors.  Their imagined self, that they've crafted and adapted throughout their life, will be at risk there.  They'll hear about a better-to-best life where they can be free to be their truer selves. "It was for freedom that Christ set us free."  Galatians 5:1

Just for today...

"No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched."  George Jean Nathan

"As with every other aspect of my life, I didn't believe I deserved better."  Hope for Today (p. 218)

July 19th - Why didn't you just ask?

The story...

I first saw it while I quickly ran down the stairs on Christmas morning.  There it was!   It was blue, my favorite color, shiny, big and a 5-speed.  My parents got me a man-sized bike for Christmas!  I don't remember begging for it yet I might've.  Maybe my mother felt my need when she saw that other kids had full-sized bikes and that I was still riding the hand-me-down bike.  Maybe they felt obligated to give it to me because they did the same for my older siblings.  It was a real need and it was met well.  It might've been part of the reason that I accepted a paper route that I kept for four years.  That paper route helped shape me into a better, more capable, person.  The paper route prepared me to accept my job as the drug-store delivery boy.  And the drug-story delivery boy job prepared me for...  Yes, that bike was a need that was worth asking for.

Mine wasn't a Schwinn but it did have a rack on the back.

I wanted so many things that I didn't ask for.  Why?  Maybe, I didn't' think that people would want to give them to me.  Or, I was comfortable with the way things were even though they weren't great.  Maybe, I developed coping skills that told me that I was better off than others and I didn't need anything - they were wrong and I was right.  Or, I didn't know if I was capable of using the thing if I got it.  Maybe, if I got it, I might lose it someday. Or, maybe I simply feared rejection.  Maybe, I wanted to be loved above all other things and the "no" answer would move the possibility of being loved even further away...

The only church in town would be a safe place where your need for love might best be understood and at least partially fulfilled.   Yes, our ultimate need is to love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind and strength.  And, to love our neighbor as ourself.  That kind of stuff sounds real good and worthy of asking for.

Just for today...

"If I want or need something, I have to let someone know.  I need to ask, which means taking risks.  Maybe my request will be granted; maybe it won't.  If it is, great. If it isn't, I'll still feel better for having asked, and then I can move on to someone else who might be able to help me."  Hope for Today (p. 201)

"Walls are solid and rigid; they keep others out, and they keep me trapped inside.  Boundaries are flexible, changeable, removable, so it's up to me how open or closed I'll be at any given time.  They let me me decide what behavior is acceptable, not only from others but from myself."  Courage to Change (p. 201)

February 23rd - Invite me . . . please

The story...

Years ago, a young energetic man, who was new to our church community, invited me to play volleyball with a group of "our people" at the local beach.  I was part of the larger community for years and was surprised at such an enthusiastic invitation. I don't imagine that I would've attended my first meeting by way of a general community invitation.  The invitation seemed sincere and he seemed to really want me to join them.  What a wonderful summer group activity it was for 3 or 4 years - it ended with a knee problem and the group eventually did move on as most groups do. 

I need to be invited yet may reject the invitation.  How might we invite while minimizing the awkwardness of rejection?  I found this article 10 Ways to To Ask Someone To Hang Out (Without Being Awkward) helpful.

Will people need to be personally invited to engage within the only church in town?  Yes.

Just for today...

"Detachment is essential to any healthy  relationship between people.  Each of us is a free individual, with neither one in control of the other."  One Day at a Time (p. 54)

"Even as a child, I had grown up responsibilities, so it is no wonder that I grew up to be a caretaker.  It seemed so comfortable, so automatic to think of others first and to give myself completely to whatever crisis was at hand without a thought for myself." "I no longer do things for others that they could do for themselves."  Courage to Change (p. 54)