June 30th - God knows what I'm trying to say

The story...

I wonder how often I prayed when I was young.  What did I pray about?  I don't remember expectations that I knelt beside my bed with my hands folded.  Maybe I laid in bed making pleas for answers to the dilemmas that each day presented.  I do remember sleeping on the bottom bunk looking at the airplanes printed on the fabric below the top bunk - I did often imagine flying.  My needs were never fully met and I hope I was thankful for the what and the whom in my life.  

I look back now with thankfulness for all of the life changes that came my way - the good, the bad and the...   My relationship with God is closer than ever and my life is generally peaceful.  I can imagine how God might enjoy me and our relationship.  Yes, I greatly value my human experience and have inklings of how they might be valued and useful within the next life or realm.

Scripture confirms that God knows a  man's heart better than any man does.  It seems that God enjoys and responds to our conversations with Him.  The only church in town will teach people to pray - to work out a right relationship with God the Father through our Savior our Lord Jesus the Christ.  I'm so thankful that my parents brought me to church where I learned Who God was, what He revealed for us, and how to pray.

Just for today...

"As a child I seldom felt as though I had enough of anything - especially love , attention, and approval.  It seemed no matter what my parents said or did, I always wanted more.  As and adult I tried to get my needs met in other ways.  I ate too much, thinking I could fill my empty spaces with food.  I shopped in too many stores, searching for the  elusive merchandise that would finally make me feel complete.  I sought 'substitute parents' whose attention and approval would make me feel good about my life and myself."  Hope for Today (p. 182)

"'Why are you saying your ABCs so many times?' I asked the boy.  He replied, 'I'm saying my prayers.' I couldn't help but laugh. 'Prayers.? All I hear is the alphabet.' Patiently the boy explained, Well, I don't know all the words, so I give God the letters. God knows what I am trying to say.'"  Courage to Change (p. 182) 

"Squint to see; Truth or error - Seems real; Vanity fair?"
"Kneel to hear; Wait in peace - Take next step; Wonder ne'er cease."
"Prophets heard; Had to tell - I believe; All is well."                          Am I a Poet?

June 29th - Is Isolation a Sort of Cloaking Device?

The story...

I remember day dreaming about a scenario where everybody else was frozen in time . . . paused . . . and I was free to roam and do as I pleased.  At first, it seemed exciting breaking all of the rules and having free reign to go anywhere that I wanted to; but, I imagined transportation, food, and safety issues.  Then, I'd have to admit that it would be horribly lonely and purposeless living in isolation without relationships.  No, it wouldn't be better, more comfortable, enjoyable or even exciting for long.

How do we best respond when we're emotionally hurt by other people?  Do people really respond like Steve Martin in the movie "The Jerk?" Imagining we are self sufficient, don't need anyone else, pretending everything's okay, and moving further down the spiral towards self isolation.

What do we get when we self isolate?  Obsessive thoughts that justify the isolation along with their physical, mental and emotional consequences?   Erosion of the social skills that enabled us to get along with and cooperate with other selfish people?  A kind of withdrawal like Maverick's in Top Gun: "Maverick Engage!"

Cabbie's Imagined place of peace and bliss - Movie - Collateral

I hope that the only church in town will allow people the freedom to live out their lives themselves alongside others.  I hope that they wouldn't stay away from others for too long.  I hope that a good neighbor, who's also loved by God, would take the first steps toward creating a bridge for them to reenter community. ✌

Just for today...

"Each unconsciously suppresses facts that might reflect badly on him or her, and exaggerates the other's faults."  One Day at at Time (p. 181)

"I no longer merely have to survive the hour, the day, or even the year in loneliness and isolation.  Instead I can learn to trust someone else and take chances..."  Hope for Today (p. 181)

"They're not safe; Yet they're fun - Let's abide; Not gonna run."
"Accept their love; As it's given - Fill your tank; Start a liven."
"Love overflows; Natural and true - He's the source; Comin thru you."   Am I a Poet?

June 28th - Relationships are found in the present

The story...

Freddy Fender's song "Wasted days and wasted nights" describes a man who's blue due to the choices of the girl which are beyond his control and influence.  He seems camped in his memories where he hoped that things would've been different - if only... then he'd be "all set."  He seems stuck in the past and wasting his present reality.

We may wish we could take back the wasted days and wasted nights trying to relive our past.  Strangely, our imagined perspective of the past is likely far different from the actual perspectives of those who shared it with us.  To compound the problem further, those who shared your past were likely focused on themselves and perceived a small part of what was going on.  They likely recall little about those days that were not so important to them.  Are they truly important to your current reality?

For my momma's last birthday presents, I loaded up an electronic photo frame with pictures from my mother's past.  It actually creeped me out as I left it displaying on our dining room table prior to giving it to her.  She seemed to have a similar reaction to it too.  Reality, in the present, is the best place to be - that's where your relationships are.  And, the present is where you meet with God too.

The only church in town will work out their faith in the present.  Truly they'll learn about God and his creatures from our record of the past.  They'll also enjoy the presence of God; their savior the Lord Jesus the Christ; and other members of the body of Christ there too. 

Just for today...

"I spent most of my life having expectations of, and making unrealistic demands on, everyone around me . . . the person I was hardest on was myself . . . Members encouraged me to eliminate 'have-tos' and 'shoulds' and to slow down so that I could consciously choose which changes felt right to me."  Hope for Today (p. 180)

"My life is too important to be wasted waiting for someone else's choices, even when it's someone I dearly love."  Courage to Change (p. 180)

"How happy and useful I could be if I weren't carrying around such a load of unpleasant emotional turmoil.  No one asks me to, so why do I?"  One Day at a Time (p. 180)

"If she only; He won't say - Try in vain; Blocks my way."
"Try lovin me; No can do - God loves first; Makes love true."
"Redeemed by Christ; Rest in peace - Life's anew; Soul's release."    Am I a Poet?

June 27th - What might you teach you?

The story...

I'm thankful that I wrote some of my thoughts as I journeyed through life.  I'm often surprised at the clarity of my questions, the degree of focus, and how the conclusions of the moment were helpful to me during a later stage of life.  I especially appreciate the sketches - they remind me of the stuff that seems to need more than words and story to remember the more-whole picture.

The following picture is a sketch that I made about a vivid  dream, over ten years ago, where I seemed to be fully interacting.  I woke up with the type of memory, consternation, and feelings that sometimes come from events experienced in reality.

"The dream was so... real..."

When I video recorded my lectures, they were difficult for me to review and evaluate.  When developing a new course, I: studied multiple textbooks; reviewed seminal and current journal articles related to the body of knowledge; searched for current events; and reflected on how the knowledge was worked out within my own work life.  Therefore, the lectures seemed richer and more integrated than I might create at a later, less prepared, point in time.  I was often humbled by what a younger version of me could teach me about the subject.  This being true, I ignored the stammers, the awkward pauses, and the misspoken words that were sprinkled in.  The imperfections seem part of the richness of real life - the stuff that makes it more real and comfortable.

The people congregating within the only church in town will become comfortable together.  They'd have opportunities to honestly reflect on the reality of their lives together.  These shared experiences, thoughts, prayers, and daily happenings would be perceived increasingly inline within the will of God.  They'd see the Spirit of Christ worked out through real people whose hearts are partially revealed.

Just for today...

"... if I listen to my words, I find that I usually tell those whom I sponsor exactly what I myself need to hear."  Courage to Change (p. 179)

"Help you; Help me - We grow; We be."   Am I a Poet?

June 26th - What does a good day look like?

The story...

Ten thoughts regarding what a good day may find me doing:

• Trusting in God's will and provision
• Living in the present reality
• Engaging in life
• Eating, exercising, working and sleeping well
• Loving and receiving love
• Imagining the good future
• Resting peacefully
• Laughing with friends
• Learning something new
• Being true to who I am in Christ

Ten things that might happen to derail my plans for a good day:

• Financial loss
• Criticism from someone I respect
• Rejection
• Laziness
• Focus on myself and attempts to please me
• Efforts to try to fit in or be like the group
• No or nonchalant prayer
• Forced to perform a role that I'm not capable within
• Change of plans
• Suffering - me or those I care for

The only church in town would teach people to trust in God's revealed truth about who we are, what we might expect, how God has provided for us, and how we might find peace in all life circumstances.  (Phil. 4:11-13)

Just for today...

"It's as if I don't know how to handle happiness, so I start searching for difficulties to draw on."   Hope for Today (p. 178)

"I will not allow old resentments to drag me down any longer.  I am building a better and more loving life today."   Courage to Change (p. 178)

"Storms a brewing; Sun'll shine - Son's a growin; Still I whine."   Am I a Poet?

June 25th - Why do I resist prayer?

The story...

I was trained to be an industrial engineer (IE).  One of my IE tasks was to plan for the capacity to produce products.  I learned people learn new processes and systems at predictable rates.  Their speed of learning may be modeled by a constant percentage every time they double the total number of parts they've produced to date.  The multiplier will be at about 80% for simple assembly work and up to 95% for more complex work.  For an 80% manual-job learning curve, this rule-of-thumb would project that a 10 min. time for the 50th part would be reduced to 8 min. for the 100th part.  The idea is right even if my facts are a tad off.

So, what's the learning curve look like for my prayer life?  My capacity to pray and time I spent praying doesn't fit the learning curve model.   First, I don't remember being taught to pray.  My family often recited a version of the prayer Jesus taught His disciples before meals - I remember it as follows:

"Father, who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever, AMEN."  Luke 11:1-13  

I've listened to other people pray aloud - their prayers were addressed to themselves, the prayer group, God, Jesus, and sometimes to no one in particular.  My prayer history had ebbs and flows, desert and rainy seasons, anxiety and peace, new truth and despair, full acceptance and lost, long and short, revelation and no sense of change, quiet and loud, on my knees or speeding, one-way and two-way, natural and foreign, loving and left outside, trusting and questioning...

I wish I'd prayed more.  I'm going to pray right down and tell you what happened when I'm done.  Here it goes...

I prayed for 8 min. 5 sec. My heart was right, I praised and thanked God.  I made my requests known for others. I was quiet for about a third of the time and felt emotions and physical feeling within my body too.  It felt good and right - a place where I want to be.  Yet, as I'm typing I've returned to my life journey.  My prayer respite is but a memory.  I wonder how that prayer might've affected lives and God's intervention.  We may never know the answer to questions like these.  Yet, God has revealed that prayer's critical towards our relationship and receipt of His lovingkindness. 

Yes, the only church in town would be a place of prayer.  People would work out increasingly reliant relationships with our God and seek Him and His will in prayer.  If we were prayerful sorts, might we enjoy each other more?  He's faithful.

Just for today...

"Am I too busy too pray? Have I no time for meditation? Then let me ask myself whether I have been able to solve my problems without help."  One Day at a Time (p. 177)

"Eyes on me; I insist - Quiet with Him; I resist."
"Wanna but don't; Why's it so? - Peacefully praying; Best we know."   Am I a Poet?