December 5th - Who understands my heart but God?

The story...

My parents brought me to Sunday school for about ten years and I chose to attend summer bible camp after I accepted Christ as my savior, when I was about eight.  I actively read the four gospels after a period of brokenness in 1980.  And, in 1981, I actively engaged in bible study with Bill Job's "ekklesia" in Oak Ridge, TN.  I'm so thankful for all of my teachers, mentors, co-sojourners, and friends along the way.  One of my key learnings was that God knows our hearts and the condition of our hearts makes all the difference.

"But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God does not see as man sees, since man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”   1 Samuel 16:7 (NASB)

"And Jesus, perceiving their thoughts, said, 'Why are you thinking evil in your hearts?'"  Matthew 9:4 (NASB)

"For who among people knows the thoughts of a person except the spirit of the person that is in him? So also the thoughts of God no one knows, except the Spirit of God."  1 Corinthians 2:11 (NASB)

I am so thankful for my faith and the opportunities that I've been given to share the realities of my faith with others.  I especially appreciated the nine years where I served as both a 3rd-4th and 4th-5th grade Sunday-school teacher.  And, I currently appreciate my close friends in-Christ and leading a group of faithful men within Bible Study Fellowship (BSF).

Bible cover gift from my 3rd-5th grade class

The only church in town will lead people to accept God's gracefully given gift of redemption - the Way for our hearts to be reconciled with God.  They'll read that our hearts are seen by God as white as snow due to Christ's redeeming payment for our sin debt.  Yes, they'll share the good news that our righteous God cleanses us from our sin-death penalty through the sacrifice of His Son, my Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ.  He knows me with a cleansed heart - praise God!

Just for today...

"I was sure there had to be somebody in this world who would understand my every mood, always have time for me, and bring a smile to my face . . . my fantasy showed itself to be no more than a shadow. Reality presented a different picture entirely . . . What was I doing with their love? It seemed to me I was brushing it aside for that one imaginary person, or worse, not noticing it all."   Courage to Change (p. 340)

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'thank you,' that would suffice."  Meister Eckhart

"Were the challenges and losses in my life actually gifts God had chosen carefully for me so that I might grow spiritually? I knew it to be so, and I felt simultaneously humbled and overwhelmed with gratitude for the nature of God's love for me."  Hope for Today (p. 340)

December 4th - Value feelings without their control

The story...

In my college cafeteria, I picked up my banana split and threw it across the table at a "friend" who wouldn't stop throwing peas in it.  I witnessed my best friend yell at a fast-food window because "they" were "making us" late.  I threw the phone across the room and it smashed into the fireplace.  I insisted that the group fish the way that I thought was best even though the group didn't want to.  I picked up my toys and I went home.  A person who I cared about was acting irrationally and I didn't pause to think why.  I wonder if my life would've been less difficult and more fulfilling if I'd better understood and considered our emotions - to be more emotional intelligent. 

Colman A (2008) described Emotional intelligence (EI) as "the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. People with high emotional intelligence can recognize their own emotions and those of others, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, and adjust emotions to adapt to environments."  Emotions sound like a power that a "Super Hero" might have.  To ignore them, pretend they don't exist, treat them as unwanted noise, or react to them without thinking, seems foolish and even irrational.

I expect that Boy Scouts had to be emotionally intelligent in order to follow their oath.  "A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent."  Yeah, I was a Boy Scout and wanted to be like that then as I still do today.

The only church in town will be a group of people with the same "North Star" guiding them - faith in God and His provision for us His creatures - now and forever.  They'll have different resources, capabilities, backgrounds, personalities, emotional intelligence...   And, their sins that cause hurt and pain will be like "grit" that erodes and scars relationships - our emotions will confirm the presence of both sin and love.  Maybe sin's presence will lead the group to receive God's grace, love and mercy with great joy.

Just for today...

"I am a wealth of contradictions. I can value all of my feelings without allowing them to dictate my actions. Today I can feel anger toward someone and still love them. I can feel afraid of new experiences, yet move forward toward them. I can survive being hurt without giving up on love. And I can experience sadness and still be confident that I will be happy again."  Courage to Change (p. 339)

December 3rd - Turning stuff, outside your control or influence, over to God

The story...

Life has taught me that I don't know what's best in many or most situations. The best that I can hope for is to apply something that seemed to work well in similar situations.  It's especially likely that I'll choose a suboptimal course of action if it involves something that I'm comfortable with, allows me to apply a skill that I've developed, if it uses the tool(s) at hand, brings positive attention towards myself, pleasures me, or is consistent with my limited knowledge.  Actually, I think that I'm a good decision maker yet I'm prone to make biased-suboptimal decisions while hoping for a very cloudy picture of what the future might best hold.

I once taught a graduate class on forecasting with mathematical models.  It involved identifying causal and non-causal data related to key outcomes, weighting historical data, measuring trends, discovering seasonality, and the testing of these time-series models with both historical and current reality - always concerned that these data were recorded accurately and precise enough.  A good model's helpful for planning within varying: environments, materials, Geopolitics, competitors, and the actual behavior of all the people involved - sometimes it seems difficult if not impossible to do "good" enough.  Our omniscient God knows - but I, his creature, do not - "A man's got to know his limitations."

Most of us believe that a virtuous life is better than a non-virtuous one. Yet, I value honesty and integrity while others plan on lying as necessary in an effort to achieve more favorable outcomes - insecure people work out their lives differently within their ever-changing environments.  Situations and their related decisions are rarely black-and-white - they seem cloudier and greyer with spots of sunshine peaking through.

The only church in town will tell the believers that God's trustworthy and He cares for each of us.  You can trust Him for the stuff that's outside your control and influence.  When trusting God, you're more likely to live out a restful, peaceful, and hopeful life.   A life that appreciates the past, lives in the present, and trusts God for the future.  It's a great thing to walk through this life in favor with God in Christ.  Why not fellowship with your Creator and Father now?

Just for today...

"I found it relatively easy to make a decision to turn over my will and my life to God. However, I didn't have any  idea how to actually do it."  Hope for Today (p. 338)   The author goes on to suggest a "God Box" and "Basketball Technique."  I have done, and do, both.  You can find a copy of the book to learn more if you so choose.  

"Speculating on other people's attitudes and motives is a waste of time and effort. To search out the reasons for my own is a voyage of discovery!"  One Day at a Time (p. 338)

"Meditation is higher spiritual awareness . . . a quiet place . . . beyond my thoughts . . . attention on the present day only, leaving the past and the future alone."   Courage to Change (p. 338)

December 2nd - What I wanted from dad came from . . .

The story...

I'm told that my motives for much of what I've done, and thought, came from a desire to please, or even be like, my father.   I discovered that this was at least partially true after my dad passed away - I discovered I no longer had a desire to fish.   Fishing seemed purposeless without sharing the "best" experiences with my dad - he liked hearing those stories and freely expressed positive emotions directed toward me.  The fishing and story telling were part of my ongoing search for his love and approval - he, and most everyone else, wasn't capable of fully meeting my needs.  I even bought this shirt last year mainly because it looked like one I remembered him wearing - strangely, I don't wear it..

Like many, I've enjoyed much of Bruce Springsteen's music since my college years.  The songs resonated with what I was experiencing - deep down in my soul - "Born to Run" and his album "Nebraska."  I was surprised to hear that much of what he did was an effort to be like his dad and win his approval.  You can hear the music, drama, and story worked out in his Netflix NYC play "Springsteen on Broadway."  He returned to his roots but it wasn't the same.

My dad was my first idea of what God must be like - my Father.  Sadly, he was just a man with strengths and weaknesses.   I was discouraged when I discovered his weaknesses and didn't receive the love and acceptance that I longed for.  Did I deserve his love?  I was placing my hopes in the wrong place - other people introduced me to my Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ - I am so... thankful that these people loved me enough to show me the Way.

Come to the only church in town and learn about the Way.  If you know the Way, then work out your faith in actualities.  If you've worked out your faith, then share it with a young man like I was - please...

Just for today...

"I was setting goals that others wanted me to achieve . . . My decisions were based on what others wanted so I could make them love and accept me . . . I thought if I said and did everything my parents wished, I would finally earn their love and attention."  Hope for Today (p. 337)

"Not one thing has ever improved as a result of my mental criticism. All it does is keep my mind on someone other than me . . . What would happen if I took my list of criticisms and applied it, gently, to myself?" Courage to Change (p. 337)

December 1st - Caring for others "in secret?"

The story...

Why is it helpful to keep our kind deeds or gifts secret?  Maybe it prevents unhealthy attachment to others for our own sake or benefit?  Maybe giving in secret helps us model outwardly an inward hope or reality in our hearts?  Maybe it allows us to actually experience the offering of love to another person - experiencing grace?   Maybe it's an outward way to resist our central tendency to promote and protect self?  Maybe it feels right because it intrinsically consistent with a good heart?

“1. Take care not to practice your righteousness in the sight of people, to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven. 2. So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, so that they will be praised by people. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. 3. But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4. so that your charitable giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."  Matthew 6:1-4  (NASB)

Matthew exposes a selfish motive for giving and suggests an abnormal alternative.  This secret type of giving may be evidence of a good heart - one who does not need the approval of others or is worried about not having enough.  At a minimum, it describes a heart that wants to walk right with God and their fellow man - loving your neighbors as yourself.

The only church in town will proclaim God's truth, shining light on the darkness around us, making sense of even our motives behind giving.  It'll be a place where people can come to a right position with God in Christ.  Then they're able to work out this life with a confident hope - characterized by love and joy expressed from their innermost beings.  One that might naturally give in secret - gracefully.  Yet, much of these internal realities will be hidden within guarded people who work out their lives within a world that's dark - without reason for hope.

Just for today...

"Have I made progress in my effort to correct my faulty attitudes? Have I let discouragement plunge me back into my old habit patterns? When something I did had consequences that made life difficult for me, did I try to blame someone else?"  One Day at a Time (p. 336)

"I began to see that my way of caring often meant reacting and manipulating. I'd do something nice for someone because I wanted to be liked . . . Sometimes I wanted to attach myself and feed off someone mentally, emotionally, and spiritually . . . Sometimes what I call "love" is really just control."  Hope for Today (p. 336)

November 30th - Expecting less offers freedom to grow

The story...

I expected way too much from every class I took.  I imagined the best from the syllabi and believed the instructor's opening arguments and impassioned pleas.  For each class, I imagined me studying diligently, staying curious, applying truths, and being a better, more capable, version of me.  I wanted the instructor, me, and classmates to live up to my expectations yet they seldom did - I expected so... much from us all.  Yes, I was the "Idealist."

Maybe expecting little from the people, within the only church in town, is the best way to appreciate the actualities.  Maybe many of our problems within community are rooted in our expectations for them and us.  God doesn't expect much from the old nature we were born with.  He did the heavy lifting to restore our relationship with Him.  He provided the Way to erase the sin barrier between He and we.  Why not enjoy things as they are, imagine together, and allow the freedom for each of us to grow as we've been gifted?  Might the best "only church in town" be characterized as graceful?

Just for today...

"It's unrealistic to expect perfection from an imperfect being in an imperfect world. The only perfection I can hope to attain is to be perfectly imperfect."  Hope for Today (p. 335)

"Everyone who plays a part in our lives offers something we might learn. Other people can be our mirrors, reflecting our better or worse qualities. They can help us to work through conflicts from the past that were never resolved."  Courage for Change (p. 335)

November 29th - Trying to control the uncontrollable? Why?

The story...

The weather's going to vary.  We can attempt to control it by moving to a new spot on the globe yet it'll vary there too.  It's true that we can influence the weather but can we really control it?  

We're better able to plan for weather variation in our homes.  We can look at the short-term forecast and  plan accordingly.  Many change their home's environment using: a thermostat with heat and cooling source(s);  a hygrometer to start up the humidifier or dehumidifier; and reported pollen counts to begin filtering the air or closing the windows.  Yet, some people don't like it the same way and the weather within the house varies too - the settings are agreed to by compromise or directed by those with authority - it's never quite right.

So, some of us build houses that are sustainable under all reasonable weather expectations and don't require excessive effort to control them.  The people change the way they dress and behave differently.  They may choose to work in the morning, go to the air-conditioned mall or beach, when it's hot; or even travel during periods of weather that's not to their liking.  They accommodate the weather rather than judging it an attempting to control it.   They might not even have an opinion about the weather and actually appreciate the variation - that sounds good to me.  Yet, I'm going to heat, cool and filter to adjust for the extremes that significantly affect our lives - just like I'm going to plan on dressing for the weather.

I choose to be thankful for each day's weather and refuse to judge it as being either good or bad.  I want to live my life accommodating the variation and appreciating it rather than working never-ending cycles of measuring, judging, controlling, and deeming it as either good or bad.  And, I want to treat the people that I interact with, in community, in a similar way.  Engage in their lives and enjoy each other without trying to fix, manage, and control them according to what I expect is best for them.  They won't all be my friends yet I intend to offer grace, mercy, love, and respect to all.

The only church in town will be thankful for the grace, forgiveness, and love that God pours out on us through our Lord Jesus the Christ.  Church people will work out a similar, albeit clunky, graceful heart within their relationships too - mirroring how God loves them.

Just for today...

"Being an adult was looking good on the outside and not feeling what was going on the inside . . . The first thing to go was the control over others - it simply doesn't work  . . .  Today I can risk being myself. I don't have to live up to anyone's image."  Courage to Change (p. 334)

"Today I can put the past where it belongs and focus on taking care of myself. I needn't wait for someone to do it for me."  Hope for Today (p. 334)

"This self-imposed struggle to control the uncontrollable is certainly not rational."  One Day at a Time (p. 334)

November 28th - What's it like to be heard?

The story...

It's a special thing to be in a relationship where both: have similar aims; are free to be honest; communicate openly and respectfully; and are understood by a listener who's actually capable of understanding - they actually care.  If the sharing is balanced, you'll likely grow together and look forward to every meeting.  I'm so thankful for close fiends.

I hope you enjoy these three friendship quotes from C.S. Lewis's book "The Four Loves."  I've listened, and enjoyed an audio version of this book at least a half-dozen times - enjoy!

• “Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”
  
  
• “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
  
  
• “I have no duty to be anyone's Friend and no man in the world has a duty to be mine. No claims, no shadow of necessity. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

The only church in town will be a group that contains many friends that make up a better whole.  They will share a common aim, hope, and experience - together.  Each friendship, a good story in the epic saga of life.

Just for today...

"I lugged my childhood grudges into adulthood . . . All I really needed was to be heard. Then I could let go of some ugly feelings."  Hope for Today (p. 333)

"I will learn . . . to recognize my errors, to see the roadblocks of self-will and self-righteousness I have been putting in my way. Then I will no longer insist that a thing is impossible because I have been unable to accomplish it."  One Day at a Time (p. 333)

"Many of the things I had once thought of as virtues - taking care of everyone around me, worrying about other people's lives, sacrificing my own happiness and prosperity - turned out to be the causes of my misery!"  Courage to Change (p. 333)

November 27th - Top-10 Reasons I'm Thankful

The story...

I'm so thankful to be thankful because I'm thankful.

My top-ten reasons for being thankful:

1. God's word confirms I'm right with God due to faith in Christ's redeeming work.
2. Each breath I breath - to be alive.
3. My life partner who promised to stick with, and love me, no matter what.
4. Family members whom I share life and love with.
5. Ability to receive, understand, store, recall and apply knowledge.
6. Close friends with whom I walk through life towards a common aim.
7. A warm, comfortable, safe home within the security of the USA.
8. Mobility to go where I want to go and care for myself.
9. Wise, "Yes," choices that help me grow and be.
10. Medical system that enables me to be active and relatively pain free.

The only church in town will teach, preach, and proclaim good reasons for being thankful.  In a community, there'll be circumstances where the comforts of this life don't seem within reach.  Yet, their souls often sing with joy - faith worked our it reality.  Community living like this should've been in my top ten list - I wonder where I might've inserted it and what it would've replaced?

Just for today...

"If I so choose, I can regard everything that happens in my life as a gift from which I can learn and grow."  Courage to Change (p. 332)

Were you looking for someone who meets your needs yet expects little of you?  That's a pet - like a dog.

November 26th - Relationships - Good "Vibes" - Like tennis?

The story...

I greatly value my close relationships - maybe that's why this post took so many words to explain.  Relationships require an investment of my whole person for focused periods of time.  Here's the glue that seems to make'em stick for me:

• Who: similar personalities and journeys - ages from 35 yrs younger to 5 yrs. older
• What: equal sharing, & listening, of reality & ideas for what is and might be
• Where: coffee shop, restaurant, church, or via e-mail/text
• When: person-to-person biweekly - convenient time of day - one to two+ hours
• Why:  honestly sharing life-walks - giving & receiving - growing together
• How: sharing equally without unrequested opinion - like a good game of tennis

How's a strong relationship like a good game of tennis?  You share equally by taking turns serving and returning the ball.  You treat each other with respect or you won't continue to play.  Must plan to meet periodically at a mutually agreeable time/place.  You've similar goals for the tennis experience.  You'll accommodate your partner's physical limitations.  The joy of returning their shot on the sweet-spot of your racquet, at a similar level of energy, is invigorating - it's like you're fully connected yet remaining fully independent.  Conversation with a good friend is a lot like that.  Please don't even think about turning the joy of relationship into a win-lose game like tennis might be.  I heard Maryland's football coach say his team's "care factor" was excellent and that was why they were performing well - same with relationships.

The sweet-spot of the racquet is where the vibrations of the racquet cancel out and the forces are more fully transferred into the ball return.  Those vibrations are irritating, fatiguing and even harmful to our bodies.  Yes, a good conversation and a good tennis volley are similar.  We all know how fatiguing the unwanted "vibes" between people can be - they aren't okay within a close relationship - they continually wear down, erode, and destroy relationships.

The only church in town will be one group with a kind of personality of their own.  There'll be sub-groups that'll have their own personalities too.   Within these "purposed" groups you'll find opportunities to develop friendships with a person(s) similar to you.  These relationships will be like walking side-by-side through life focused on reality - the most important spiritual reality that truly lasts.  When we stray from the path, a friend can help us  "wake up" and return to the life-giving path.

We're blinded to spiritual reality when we focus on ourselves and ignore who we actually are as creatures - creatures created by a living and active God.  He's interested and powerfully working through our todays, tomorrows, and our eternal future too - He says so.  Experiencing a relationship with Him in Christ is like no other - "I'm with Him."

Just for today...

"... we don't tell anybody what to do. People only accept and use advice they're ready for . . . When I am asked for advice, I know only what I would do if I were faced with the same problem, and not what would be right for another."  One Day at a Time (p. 331)

"I learned to trust no one, to stay silent at all costs, to stuff my feelings, never to stand up for myself, to take on more responsibility than I could handle, to love conditionally, and to tell white lies to cover up my home life. No wonder as an adult I perceived that close interpersonal relationships were like constantly moving targets.  Usually I was the one who was moving because I lacked the skills to develop and maintain healthy adult relationships."  Hope for Today (p. 331)

November 25th - Might my imagined reality be bent? Unrealistic? Blinding me from truth?

The story...

I thought it wise to imagine and create a positive self image of: who I was, how I wanted to be perceived, how I planned to change, and how I'd execute the plan.  I'd hold onto this imagined reality, and defend it, even if it took much persuasion and the bending of reality too.  I wanted to be perceived as a good actor in the story of life and reap the rewards.  Sadly, my imagined reality and story didn't mesh well with other people's imagined plans and stories.  So, I worked to influence, manipulate, or even control them so that they supported my story - like supporting actors in the story of "me."  It's hard to write this, let alone read it aloud; yet, it seems true to my nature.

Surely, the world can be harsh, alongside other selfish people, so it seems reasonable that we adopt a self-created role that allows us to get along while "trying" to get our needs met.  When our efforts to get along don't work, we may pick up our toys and go home - stay isolated - seeking warmth within the small comfort found by wrapping up in that old-raggedy blanket of our self image - sounds a bit cold and Grinchy.

The only church in town will share God's revealed Word about the nature that we were born with - the selfish, self-sustaining, and self-promoting nature that looks toward meeting our own needs first.  They will hear about what God did to pay for our redemption, pay our God-offensive sin debts, so that we might walk through this life and eternity with our most holy God and Father - peacefully.  Wow, that's good news they'll hear there - "the" story to know and share.

Just for today...

"Sometimes the greatest growth comes through pain, but it's not the pain that helps me grow, it's my response to it.  Will I suffer through the experiences and continue as before or let the pain inspire change that helps me grow?"  Courage to Change (p. 330)

November 24th - We're either getting better or worse - nothing stays the same.

The story...

Somebody told me that about their habit of seeking to discover at least one thing of value from every conversation.  Looking for those "golden nuggets" helped him to listen, and stay engaged, in what might've been a boring or taxing conversation.  The speaker appreciated the attentive listener - albeit offered with a selfish motive.  Yes, this is one way to win friends and influence people for your benefit - and the speaker gets heard as well.  Everybody wins - right?

The self-help book craze peaked in the 1960s and continued strong for decades.  Yet, trying to be, or acting to be, somebody different than who you actually are, is wrought with problems.  Being a good actor in life, who's well received by others, seems like a good path; yet, being that good person and working out that reality more naturally seems better to me.  Yet, there's much reason to believe we often need to "fake it to make it" - how else do we become who we want to be?

There will be authentically good people who are interested in you, "yes you," within the only church in town.  Some will be redeemed - walking more rightly and humbly with God - you'll be compelled to listen to their conversation, heart, and spirit/Spirit connection.  That's the power of God - when you receive . . . you won't desire anything better.  Surely, that natural part of you will cause you to drift away; but, He doesn't leave His adopted sons and daughters there long.  He loves those that are His.  The first and second greatest commandments is living within the "sweet spot" of life.

Just for today...

"How many have given me a constructive idea to take away with me and use? That is the only measure of a truly valuable meeting."  One Day at a Time (p. 329)

"What can I do by day's end to improve myself? Is there something I can learn? Is there some challenge I can meet? Is there some old tired fear I can walk through and be rid of?"  Courage to Change (p. 329)

November 23rd - Fear: name 'em, decide, move forward, and put 'em away

The story...

Lumbar defects were physical problem(s) that led me to feel anxious, whiney, or like succumbing to fear for the present or future.  I know that this type of fear can cause our, exceptionally strong, back muscles to tighten up around our spines.  I'm told this "tightening" exasperates the problem, which can accelerate the degradation, and potentially lead to subtle, unrepairable, nerve damage.  So, worrying doesn't just "not hurt" but likely increases future ongoing "hurt."

Worrying, anxiety and fear clearly aren't okay for back pain.  Yet, I wonder why worrying, anxiety, and fear are ever warranted.  Truly these emotions can spur us on towards that first step towards a better course of action, or being, that we might enjoy - better circumstances.  It took me about a week to stop whining about this resurrected pain of the type I'd felt about 15 years before.  Yet, it seems better to acknowledge emotions, make sense of them, and then put 'em away when they've served their purpose.

With regards to my back problems; the medical system is designed to do what I can't do for myself - true the process needs my attention and involvement; but, they intervene to effect the change.  Most people, working me through the process, seem to love me along the way as they give me what I need - that's a real good part of life - kinda like receiving love.

There are some truths about life that I don't want to face today.  For those, a reasonable amount of anxiety will help me remember and motivate me to take action - to move forward or change.  It does make sense to be "in tune" with our emotions.  Taking that first step can be real hard.  I'm thankful for friends who can help us shine the light of reality on our conditions - I have a history with people caring for me and their kind intervention is interpreted, by me, as love.

Many within the only church in town will be "okay" enough to listen to, and care for, their fellow pilgrims.  They'll hear their fellow's words, emotions, self stories, and share together about the better reality of being and walking rightly with God  (Micah 6:8).

Just for today...

"Just for today I will not be afraid of anything. If my mind is clouded with nameless dreads, I will track them down and expose their unreality . . . God is in charge of me and mine."  One Day at a Time (p. 328)

"I kissed her tears away, the way I wanted her to do for me when I was a child . . . I held her, and we cried together in joy and love."  Hope for Today (p. 328)

November 22nd - Rightly related to God?

The story...

I prefer a day: waking up at a consistent time thankfully with prayer; planning for & doing good; being honest within reality; loving me & others; exercising my body & mind - strengthening each; saying yes more than no; meditating without thinking about the clock; dispatching potentially obsessive thinking within five minutes; tuning into my virtual spiritual radio - albeit the station's "staticy;" giving - being kind & receiving kindness; feeding my body & soul; seeking to understand before being understood; walking forward on my pilgrimage alongside close friends; and being the person God created and wills me to be.  Yet, my free will chooses to do differently each day.  Why?

My noble motives for behaving differently, even in the opposite direction, include my: need to be safe from harm; personal protection boundaries; scarcity of resources; American dream of the good life; acceptance by others; need to fix, manage, and control other people towards my vision of "our" good; avoiding fears from the past, present, and future; desire to receive good grades from the judge(s); escape from unfavorable circumstances; pain avoidance; telling of my good life story; loyalty to my family; and justifications for the way things are - "justified."

I expect that the first paragraph is about being rightly related to God and the second paragraph is about self protection and promotion.  The first paragraph was possible because my unholy self nature was judged, found wanting, yet redeemed and reconciled with God, sin debt paid for, by God Himself in Christ - "I'm with Him."  My part was believing on God and His great redemptive work in Christ.

The second paragraph characterizes me working out life by me and for me.  Thankfully, my conscience and the Spirit of God convicts me of this wrong way of being before I cause too much harm.  He restores me daily in a loving way.  My life seems to be a continuing cycles of restoration that're heading in a good direction - like we might expect a loving Father to do for those who are His.

The PDCA model is good - yet, different - standardizing & sustaining change

The only church in town will learn and know that they can respond to His calling and be His.  They'll find fellow pilgrims to walk together with through life's circumstances.  Yes, a continuing series of restorative cycles that strengthen our need for receiving love from our heavenly Father - that kind of love is infectious - It can't stay still.  Love spreads far and wide - shining Light everywhere.

Just for today...

"Half an hour's meditation is essential except when you are very busy. Then a full hour is necessary."  Francis de Sales

"First I need to develop a relationship with God . . . Next, I learn to become at peace with myself . . .  I can't be that person when I'm overly controlled by guilt, fear, and resentment and negligibly aware of my gifts and talents . . . Lastly, I start acting responsibly toward others."  Hope for Today (p. 326)

"...conflicting views become merely different views, so our problems can be solved with tolerant understanding and mutual respect."  One Day at a Time (p. 326)

November 21st - What does a "broken" person let go of?

The story...

I did my best, created a comfortable home, and tried to help those in my care to be their best.  Then something upset the game board - other people's games and the circumstances of life.  The tokens, pegs, fake money and cards were strewn about - the game of life no longer worked - it was moving in directions that I didn't plan for or expect.  There had to be a better way. 

A friend recommended that I meet with a group of people who may help me turn life's chaos into a new and better way of living.  I'm so thankful that I "Zoomed" into my first virtual meeting with them. They taught me that their efforts to fix, manage, and control other people's live is fruitless and harmful.  The only person who I was capable of changing was me.  I learned much in the first year and lived a better way the second year.  I live a different life now, respecting relationships, allowing those I have the pleasure to know the dignity to live out their own lives.  I more fully trust God, and bear more fruit that both I and others enjoy.  I'm living a more humble/honest life walking more closely to our present and eternal reality.  My more trusting and open relationships enable a wonderful sort of pilgrimage towards the Celestial City together - trusting God.  It's the good stuff that eluded me during my early and working years.  Strangely, I'm soo... thankful for the brokenness that upset my boat, knocked down my house of cards, and helped me trust God.

The only church in town will be comprised of people in all stages of life.  They'll learn about the reality of life together.  Each person will have a different personality, and when together, will form a group personality too.  The personality of the group will reflect their "head" - their Lord.

Just for today...

"Some people don't know how badly they need a new way of life until disaster overtakes them."  One Day at a Time (p. 326)

"Today I know that I can't fix anyone else but myself, and I challenge myself daily to seek a richer, more meaningful life. I'm taking risks, facing fears, making changes, speaking up, making myself available to life."  Courage to Change (p. 326)

November 20th - Why listen to, or share, uncomfortable realities about me?

The story...

"What's my husbands name? . . . Do you even know how many kids I have? . . . Do you care? . . . It's all about you."  This was the stinging message that I heard from one of my trusted reports.  She was making the claim that I cared for what she could produce and not truly for her as a person.  Whoa . . . the facts were clearly true . . . but wasn't the workplace suppose to be about work, accomplishment, and my objectives?  Wait, I meant to say "our" objectives - or did I?  As a supervisor, I wasn't suppose to get too close or have favorites - was I?  I could've justified my behaviors but it didn't sit well - I knew she was speaking "her" truth.   Was it possible to be the same good man in all of my endeavors?

Surely there were good examples out there - real people who still had their skin on 'em - not merely a glorified biography of the ideal.  Then, a guy was transferred to my department.  His current supervisor suggested that I witness his performance appraisal delivery.  I was surprised to see a virtuous man, honestly and respectfully, delivering his performance assessment along with their mutual understanding of their working relationship.  Wow ... I wanted to be more like him.  That good man, leader, and friend of many, died a few years later from cancer - another life circumstance that didn't seem fair.

The only church in town will be built on relationships - less-guarded and honest relationships.  Yet, we can't realistically expect to relate well with everyone or even most people.  We're all different and most are operating in a different stage of life.  The community will be okay and respect all people as they "be."  Yet, they'll all share within a better way - trusting in God.

Just for today...

"Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want  to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."  George Bernard Shaw

"What about those times when I heard truths about myself that left me feeling angry, embarrassed, or upset? When given the occasion to hear or speak an uncomfortable reality, I have choices. I can hear it and grow, I can share it and grow, or I can ignore it in favor of maintaining my comfort zone."  Hope for Today (p. 325)

November 19th - Am I a good actor or character in this game of life?

The story...

My career may've chose me - I practiced the habits, and developed the personality, to explain my perspective and win agreement.  My work practices, tools, and change management success carried over into other areas of my life too.  I became more: illustrative; flamboyant in my story telling; better at painting commonly-understood mental images; succinct in posing the right question(s); and consistent in behaving according to my expected behavior.  Sometimes, the desired perspectives were those of the organization that I was part of and not necessarily my own.

The burden of working out my life, wearing different hats, took its toll.  The incongruity between my inner-man and the roles that I accepted was bothersome - dissatisfaction with parts of life.  My life was not characterized as peaceful - more like a never ending quest to model good behavior - be the best that I could be - measure up.  So, I planned the long and arduous process of earning my PhD - "then life would be great."  It was a good life change completed over 10 years and experienced over another 10 years.  I learned and grew much through my studies, research, dialog, enlarged mental models, building onto and protecting my share of the body of knowledge, teaching, and mentoring.  Yet, my inner-man needed something more.

A period of brokenness helped me wake up and see my strife and struggles more clearly - I needed help.  I accepted an offer for help and joined others who were also more-honestly becoming better people.  The lessons learned and applied were wonderful - I truly love(d) all those people that I grew with.  My life became more congruent, peaceful, restful, thankful, engaging, and honest too.

The only church in town will be a place where you'll hear about a better way to be.  You'll, meet those who are growing in a similar way and stage of life.  Over time, a few of those people may even become truly good friends who you can openly and honestly grow with.  Friends like that aren't required to live a good life yet I wouldn't give 'em up without a fight.  True, they must be held loosely or it likely isn't true friendship.  Honestly seeking to understand, before being understood, is a good first step toward developing those good friendships.

Just for today...

Do you want to fix them for your own personal comfort or honestly for them?

If you wouldn't want somebody to say "it" to you then don't say "it" to anyone else.

November 18th - "My life was mostly good - I'm thankful for that."

The story...

A close friend of mine met my mother in her independent-living home in November 2023.  I introduced him to her and they settled down to a one-hour conversation about her life past and present - him in a chair and her laying comfortably in bed.  It was a great joy listening to my mother describe her life - mostly good but there was bad stuff too.  She shared her hope that her kids, grand kids, and great-grand kids would go to church.  Her greatest pain was the loss of her husband in 2011 - she described how she missed him every day.  They lived a good life and that made her happy.  The surprises and joys, in her current life, were centered around the different people that cared for her and met her needs.  "I never was around people like that, I really like them and some of them feel like friends."  That was her unexpected joy - she thought that relationships like those might be why she lived so long.

The only church in town will ideally be kinda like that independent-living home.  There will be some paid staff doing their jobs yet most of the caring and loving will be shared between each other.  People living out their lives and faith, aligned with God's Word, together.  The love my mother felt at the independent-living center surprised me every time I visited.  

What if we spent more time with the folks at church?  We might be surprised at the love we witness, receive and even offer to others.  Many of us are clunky and different so it might appear in unexpected and surprising ways.  Love experienced is worth it.

Just for today...

"If I can see nothing but my troubles, I am seeing with limited vision. Dwelling on these troubles allows them to control me. Of course I need to do whatever foot-work is required, but I also need to learn to let go."  Courage to Change (p. 323)

"When I'm uncommunicative or dishonest in my interactions, I set myself apart and feel rejected. Conversely, open, truthful communication nurtures feelings of trust and encourages me to participate fully in life. However, as I begin to change my old habits, fear of rejection sometimes tempts me to respond in old ways."  Hope for Today (p. 323)

November 17th - Why serve others?

The story...

I was asked to serve on the Child and Family Services governing board within my county.  The person who asked me wanted to ensure that this large receiver of public funds was not duplicating services and that the services they rendered were effective.  I didn't know what I was getting into and learned much over my four years of service.  First, I learned about the organization's services, structure, processes. and the board member roles too. Then, I enjoyed working with my fellow volunteers, the paid non-profit leaders, and some of the actual service providers as well.  During my last year, I chaired the board and presented our funding request to the United Way.  I asked for the largest contribution that was requested that year - the request was approved.  The experience was great - I'm a better person because of it - I'm thankful to all involved.  There are so many people that care deeply for the social services within community - they're good.

What motivated me to serve within the workplace, community, or the church?  Was I seeking affirmation regarding my virtue or capabilities?  Was I looking for the admiration and acceptance of the group(s)?  Was I looking for awards or trophies?   Was I building a well-rounded resume?  Did I want to be counted as a good versus bad character in the "game of life?"  Was I trying to absolve my previously committed sin?  Was it a latent need to win my parent's approval?  Was I ashamed to say no?  Was I trying to be a good boy?

The workers within the only church in town will have a need for volunteers and service.  The noblest of motives will be offered yet people will say yes according to a variety of reasons.  We'll all likely be thankful for the unexpected joy of being a bit less self-centered - actually serving and loving others.  That's some of the unexpected real-good stuff in life - "fruit."

Just for today...

"When I feel the call to service, I pray for knowledge of God's will for me to make sure it's not just me wanting to manipulate, control, or avoid something going on in my life."  Hope for Today (p. 322)

"...sometimes the most competent and helpful assert themselves over-strongly and so engender hostility in others . . . We penalize ourselves when we allow disapproval of another person to endanger the unity of the group."  One Day at a Time (p. 322)

November 16th - God help me!

The story...

When my soul ached with hurt, pain, and sadness.  The kind of pressure that slowly built up until it felt like a balloon under pressure - it had to be released before it might burst.  I learned that I sometimes needed to express my pain, strong emotions, and request for relief aloud - I mean really loud.   This meant that I needed to be alone in the house, deep in the woods on a hike, or even by myself at the end of our pier that juts out into Lake Michigan.  I let my pain rip and prayed earnestly, and loudly, for resolution, grace, mercy, justice, or healing.  My outward expression of my inner condition seemed right and good - the crying out often left me feeling more peaceful, content and thankful.

The only church in town will cry out to the Lord in times of distress and need - scripture says He hears and has the power to act according to what's best for each person and community too (Psalms 119:169; 142:1; Matthew 20:30; Acts 7:60; and Hebrews 5:7).  He wants us to pray even though He doesn't really need us to - it's something about our relationship.  The only church in town will cry out in thankfulness and praise as they see God's faithfulness and love worked out.

Just for today...

"It seems strange, when I think of it, that God is most vivid to my consciousness when I am in the depths of despair, and all I can say to Him is: 'God help me!'"  One Day at a Time (p. 319)

"You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fulness of your joy."  Kahlil Gibran: The Prophet

November 15th - Love and respect requires cycles of restoration

The story...

I watched the Netflix series about the book Anne of Green Gables.  The book's a classic for a reason - the story teaches us much about life. The protagonist, Anne, writes and prints an article for her school newspaper about justice and fairness.  She tries to make amends with a girl who takes offense with the article - it damaged her reputation.  The girl cuttingly says something like: "How could a person of a trashy upbringing like you know anything about fairness and justice?"  Anne thoughtfully and respectfully responded that she was the same person now as she was then.  She was worthy of love then and now - she always knew she deserved love but didn't experience it.

"Ann with an 'E'" - Netflix series/

The only church in town will practice love and respect according to the grace and mercy that God the Father so freely gives us in the Lord Jesus the Christ.  Every man, woman, and child may experience love and respect.  Will church discipline's be necessary when self-centered people hurt each other?  The discipline would be thoughtfully delivered along with love and respect - the aim would be to practice justice and fairness.  Cycles of forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration will be ongoing as, people who tend to be selfish, walk together towards the same destination.  The congregates will be thankful that God loves them, His creatures, and sustains them with grace, mercy, love and forgiveness.

Just for today...

"I realized that the look, tone, or mood of another person toward me often has nothing to do with me . . . my extreme sensitivity is a form of conceit - I think I am the focus of everyone's actions. Am I so important that everything that goes on around me must have something to do with me? . . . what other people did and said reflected on them; what I did and said reflected on me."  Courage to Change (p. 320)

"It's not men's acts which disturb us - but our reaction to them. Take these away and anger goes. No wrong act of another can bring shame on you."  Marcus Aurelius

"When I feel a call for service, I pray for knowledge of God's will for me to make sure it's not just me wanting to manipulate, control, or avoid something going on in my life."  Hope for Today (p. 320)

November 14th - My survival skills

The story...

Most of us developed survival skills to make it through K-12 - our elementary, junior, and high school years. High school was when I was expected to learn and experience what I needed to be a full-functioning member of society.  The graduation speech said that we had limitless potential within the United States of America.  What did I do over those 13 years?

• Learned to obey the teacher, complete assignments, and value good grades.
• Progressed through boy scouts to the rank of "Life Scout."
• Fulfilled the job requirements of a paper delivery boy for 4 yrs. - wasn't motivated to sell new subscriptions but faithfully delivered the papers and collected the money.
• Built a large wooden tool box, smashed my thumb with a hammer, sewed my own reversible vest, and cooked potato soup.in junior-high shop class.  They required the boys to take home-economics for two months during 8th grade.
• Completed drivers education and was awarded my drivers license.
• Fulfilled the requirements of a drug store general worker and delivery boy for 2 yrs.  Crashed their cars several times.
• Developed friends - mostly from band and work experiences.
• Completed all the math classes offered and survived the English classes.
• Fell in love multiple times yet didn't experience the boy-girl friend closeness that I hoped for.
  
  

My High School

Who was I at that graduation ceremony?

• Accepted Christ as my Savior at eight.
• Learned a work ethic and financial skills with the money I earned.
• Distanced myself from the church - worked every other Sunday.
• Became a story-teller to engage in group conversation.
• Looked for love where I thought it might be found - love was elusive.
• Interacted socially yet never really felt like I fit in.
• Accepted at a state college - to be an engineer.  There I expected to start over - to be somebody.
• Learned survival skills - boundaries, armor, and habits.

The only church in town is a place where you can learn the reality of being truly okay.  Okay with God, you, and your neighbors too.  I was so thankful, in 1980, when Steve and Marlene said to me:  "We would like you to go to church with us - please come."

Just for today...

"I was powerless over my childhood. The survival skills that I developed made my adult life unmanageable."  Hope for Today (p. 319)

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1 (NASB)

November 13th - What's important now?

The story...

I was busy being a Dad, Husband, Boss, Subordinate, Peer, Son, Brother, Coach, Volunteer, Friend, Head-of-the-Household and Good Man.  Everything wasn't getting done and I needed a new plan and perspective.  What do I do first?  Do I work on a chunk of my most important long term goal or do I complete a simple less-important task to quickly remove one from my long list?  I was taking an Engineering Management course at the time that introduced me to the "Eisenhower Matrix."  It was a diagram that helped me make sense of this "time management" dilemma - it was also easy to share and explain to others.

The Eisenhower Matrix

I wrote my top priorities and related tasks on my white board for both me and all others who might want to spend my time differently.  When I needed a break, I completed a few urgent non-important tasks from my in-box.  On Saturday mornings, I threw away a weeks worth of unimportant tasks from the bottom of my in-box - eventually those requesting them gave up or did 'em themselves.

An unexpected outcome, of my behavior change, was that other people took notice and set similar priorities.  The important was getting the attention and results they deserved.  Those generating unimportant tasks either eliminated the tasks or accepted the authority and responsibility for getting them done themselves.  The culture was changing and some of it began with me - along with a little help from those who came before me and my professor coach.

The most important priority, within the only church in town, will be walking rightly with God (Micah 6:8).  Other activities will have a lesser importance.  People will focus on the main thing and not major on the minor things that often results in a wandering self-focused life.

Just for today...

"...things that are urgent are rarely important, and the things that are important are rarely urgent . . . If I imagine I am in a dark room and that God is my only source of light, then my best hope for navigating around the furniture will be to bring that source of light with me."  Courage for Today (p. 318)

If you work on your mind with your mind, how can you avoid confusion?

November 12th - Learning to Love - He, me, and we

The story...

They gave me the choice of surgery on both bunions at once or one at a time.  Doing both would've required navigating a wheel chair.  Friends encouraged me to do both so that I might more fully experience the dilemmas of handicapped people within the workplace - they wanted me to voice my concerns and bring attention to the problems and possible solutions.  "You could help other people and open our workplace up to those with handicaps."

I did one at a time and hobbled around on crutches twice.  I didn't experience the wheel chair barriers yet I did need help from others.  I asked for help.  The help felt like love - I was so... thankful and seemed to have become a more "whole" person.

SF's Quarterback "Brock Purdy" is a favorite

Might I've best learned to love better by allowing others to love me as a younger man?  What necessary ingredients were missing?  I would've had to: believe that true love existed, witness love being given and received, believe in the power, trust the giver, allow imperfect people to offer love in their own way, know that I'm lovable, and eventually offer love to others from The Source. 

The only church in town will be characterized as loving God, themselves and others too - He, me and we.  It won't be a type of imagined love that's worked up through self effort - it'll be a gift from God.  

Just for today...

"You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; and just so you learn to love God and man by loving. Begin as a mere apprentice and the very power of love will lead you on to become a master of the art."  Francis de Sales

"He has told you, mortal one, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?"  Malachi 6:8 (NASB)