March 28th - Co-Dependency

The story...

I've had close relationships with other people that didn't go well.  If they didn't feel good, or they were suffering, then I didn't feel so good and suffered.  I'd "try" to fix, manage, and control them and their situation.  The reasons for my behavior wasn't clear to me yet I expect it was primarily aimed at alleviating the pain for both me and them.  This kind of behavior may be labeled co-dependency - a type of behavior that actually enables the other person's destructive behavior.  You can check out the Wiki link or the variety of books on the subject if you need to know more.

Might a better way of living include trusting what God says is true, living by those truths, and actually being, more truthfully, the kind of person and friend you were hoping to find?  I expect that you're a best friend when you work out your own life well and allow others the respect and dignity to work out their own lives too.  They might actually catch a glimpse of God as you allow Him to indwell and work His way out through you.  Please consider the wisdom of working out your own life while humbly walking, as truthfully as possible, with God as opposed to continuing your attempts to fix, manage, and control yourself and others.

Michelangelo's Work: Adam and God's Relationship 

I expect there'll always be co-dependent relationships within the only church in town.  Yet, they'd likely fade away as the people of the church work out their faith in the Light of reality.

Just for today...

"When I trust God to give me what I need, I let go.  I face forward.  My hands are free for health, loving, and enjoyable activities. I find unexpected reserves of energy."  Courage to Change (p. 88)

March 27th - Retribution

The story...

I was living in my college dorm room with my 10-gallon aquarium.  I'd cared for my ten neon tetras for three quarters - everybody knew how much I liked them.  One day, I unlocked my door, walked over to my aquarium and saw only one two big fish that weren't my neons.  "These are his fish. This must be a prank.  He must have switched the fish between our tanks as a joke."   I ran down the hallway and pounded on his door.  "WHERE ARE MY FISH?" He felt my anger, we went to see the tank site together, and he admitted that he put his fish in my aquarium while he was cleaning his.  "I'm sorry."  

What happened within the next five minutes embarrasses me now.  I reacted quickly and took both of the fish out of the aquarium to chop them into pieces to expose my ten dead fish.  I had my retribution yet my friend and I were both left with negative feelings and emotions.  There was resolution yet my conscience said "you done wrong."

My 3-year old Neon

Is there a place for retribution within the only church in town?  There'll be situations where people will be justified for taking retribution.  I wish I'd forgiven my friend for his honest, yet unthinking, act.  Might I've shown mercy to those two simple fish that were just doing what they were created to do?   My character in this epic story of life might've been a tad better - maybe?

Just for today...

"I will guard against looking for flaws in others; I will try to see what is good in them." One Day at a Time (p. 87)

"It takes a great deal of effort for me to extend compassion to certain people . . . It means letting go of resentments, resulting from unrealistic expectations."  Hope for Today (p. 87)

March 26th - Embrace Variation

The story...

Within this world there're random variables - like the size of an egg, the length of the hairs on your head, the amount of rain in April, or the chances you'll get all green stop lights on the way to work.  Environments, materials, people and processes are continuously varying.  The same process setup, and efforts to perform the same way, result in different outcomes - variation.  Many differences are obvious yet some require you to look more closely.  The need to manage and control this type of variation is why manufacturing companies have "Quality" jobs.

Calipers: 0.001" precision

Once upon a time, I was a quality professional - one of the guys responsible for managing and controlling variation.  On a particular sunny spring day, I attended a seminar, in an old house, away from the "plant."  I still remember the instructor introducing Larry Wall's Harvard Law.  The law states: "Under controlled conditions of light, temperature, humidity, and nutrition, the organism will do as it damn well pleases."  The futility of my struggles to control our processes, beyond what they were capable of, was exposed!  This was a key learning for me to embrace.  I expect I've retold that internalized learning 100's of times.

The same can be said for the only church in town.  People vary day-to-day, year-to-year, and season to season.  The community, town, county, state, national, and global environments are always changing.  Special causes of variation occur in the church regularly.  Your new youth group leader may love to mountain climb and the youth learn to work out their faith in Appalachia.  Leadership may have different view points on non-essential doctrines yet they love, respect and grow together.  Two families from a different culture join your church and the people grow in different ways.  Trying to stay the same and control variation will likely just wear you out and frustrate others.  Change is going to happen - why not embrace it?

Thank God that His Word does not change.  His promises are real, trustworthy and the best by definition.  Best of all, you can count on Him to keep His promises.  

Just for today...

"If I'm unwilling to perform a task badly, I can't expect to make progress toward learning to do it well."  Courage to Change (p. 86)

"Refraining from advice-giving or criticizing creates an accepting and respectful environment in which each member is truly heard and valued.  Hope for Today (p. 86)

"Progress begins when we stop trying to control the uncontrollable and when we go on to correct what we have the right to change."  One Day at a Time (p. 86)

March 25th - Friend Watch

The story...

I have a friend who closely observes my behavior.  They challenge me to set mental and physical health goals and track my progress to goal too.  They offer me encouraging reminders to keep me going towards when and where I want to go.  Occasionally, they alert me to correlations between my good behaviors and other good life outcomes like better sleep and greater aerobic capacity.  They've even warned me of potentially life threatening risks such as a fall or heart rhythm abnormality.  And, they do all of this with words that express caring and kindness.  You likely guessed, from the picture, that I'm talking about my Apple-Watch friend.  We've been good friends for years - meet my good friend:

I was awarded for swimming longer and faster

Human friends have flaws, aren't always focused on me, are less predictable, and are free to choose.  I'm glad my friends are free; yet, I'm not about to give up my Apple Watch.  Like the Apple watch, I hope that the people in the only church in town would be honest with me, point out my lifestyle risks, remind me of my commitments, and speak to me kindly, gently, patiently, and truthfully.  That sounds like a best friend, who you might grow with as you walk alongside each other, on your way toward your ultimate life goal.

Just for today...

"I have a primary responsibility for myself: to make myself into the best person I can possibly be.  Then, and only then, will I have something worthwhile to share."  Courage to Change (p. 85)

"A grim and furious silence can be more crushing and wounding than harsh words.  Such a silence is motivated by the desire to punish." One Day at a Time (p. 85)

March 24th - That Snowball - Old Scars

The story...

In my late twenties, I was asked to serve as a middle-school youth leader.  It was initially uncomfortable as you might expect.  Yet, playing, laughing, teaching key truths in story, attending a youth-leader seminar, leading songs with guitar, traveling together, sharing life actualities, suffering together, encouraging, praising, and seeing growth were real good.  Then an event happened that triggered emotions that must've been buried deep down inside me.

The situation: it's winter, there's snow outside, and we'd just finished our youth group events for the night.  The kids are running and playing inside.  One boy steps outside, makes a snowball, and throws it at a friend whose running away inside the church.  Frustrated, I was left to scoop up the snow.  At the same time, I look up and see an Elder walk out of a bible-study room and stare at me and the snowball splat, he wore a look of disgust.

Why does this scene trigger emotions from me even now as I recall it.  This happened about 35 years ago!  Thank goodness I didn't react quickly to that leering look.  I finished cleaning up the mess and stored my pent-up emotions.  The Elder was a good man and I still think of him with respect.  So, was my primary cause frustration, authority figures, the youth leader role, lack of respect shown to me as the leader, unwanted discipline I received long ago, my questioning the worthiness of my service, or simply being rejected by the group?  I don't know the cause.  It may've been all or some combination; yet, it seems that an emotional wound was exposed in this critical event.  I likely still have a small scar.

The only church in town is going to be filled with wounded people who cover up their scars.  Comfort and hope is available as they learn to love and receive love.  This story highlights the need to work out the greatest and second greatest commandments - love the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind.  And, love your neighbor as yourself.  Yes, that means loving yourself too.

Just for today...

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers." One Day at a Time (p. 84)

"I searched my past to see how this character defect had helped me to survive the pain and chaos of growing up in. . . Listing the benefits of the defect made it easier to see why it had become such a big part of me.  It also helped me see how the flaw was just a positive attribute run amok."  Hope for Today (p. 84)

March 23rd - Walking and Rolling

The story...

I had a friend who was bound to a wheelchair with partial use of his arms.  His wife was a virtuous and industrious person who cared for and loved him along the way.  We worked together as members of our church leadership board for a couple of years.  I didn't even want to imagine what it would be like to be "imprisoned" in a body that wouldn't go or do what I wanted.  I'm so thankful that he shared his heart, and the reality of his condition, over those years.  I learned much by observing his behavior, asking him "what's it like" questions, listening, and sensing his warm comfortable spirit.  He truly learned to love and accept love well.  He trusted what God's Word said about him rather than his limited capabilities.

He said, multiple times, that the car accident was a blessing.  He had a loving relationship with his God through his Savior.  I believed him and am thankful for his witness.  He seemed to be truly free within the confines of his wheelchair.

Life stories like this one will be an important part of the only church in town.  While our faith isn't built on the testimony of other people, it's a wonderful thing to witness the Spirit of God work His way out through a friend whom you are walking and rolling alongside.

Just for today...

"My anger can be an attempt to change someone or something because I don't want to change . . . I gain self-worth when I change the things I can and accept responsibility for my reactions rather than blaming or shaming another."  Hope for Today (p. 83)

"Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional."  Courage to Change (p. 83)

March 22nd - NOW

The story...

When a person attempts to communicate to me in a sentence, I've to remember the first words in order to make sense of the whole thought.  If short-term memory lasts about 15 to 30 seconds, and occurs in a different part of our brain than long-term memory, then we might say that the "present" occurs within 30-second time intervals.  

Hard to see NOW on a clock

We can avoid living in the present by dwelling on the past or future.  And, we can even avoid the present message inputs and guess what other people are saying based on pre-conceived ideas about who they are or what we want to be true.  Yes, we know that we all can avoid the reality of the present or the NOW.

Why do we choose not to live in the reality of the present, the NOW?  Do we need to be taught how? Maybe it seems boring because we haven't tuned into the reality station and are hearing mostly static.

It seems reasonable to argue that we receive inputs from: our five senses, our feelings, our emotions, our memories, our mind, our hopes, our spirit, and the Spirit of God.  We meet God in the present too and work out actual relationship in the NOW.  Can we be satisfied with merely reading about our potential relationship with God or recalling past times when our relationship seemed to be more meaningful?

The only church in town would be a "safe" place where people would want to be engaged.  They'd witness the value of living in the present reality as opposed to an imagined one that might seem more protective.  They'd interact with the Spirit of God in their own inner-person and witness Him working in others too.

Just for today...

"I will not concern myself about tomorrow until it becomes my today.  The better I use today, the more likely it is that tomorrow will be bright." One Day at a Time (p. 82)

"There is an innocence within me that already knows how to trust God, to cherish life while holding it lightly, to live fully and simply in the present moment."  Courage to Change (p.82)

March 21st: Camper or Motorcycle?

The story...

It's not hard to remember the effort it took to pack up for, and unpack from, a camping vacation.  It seemed right to bring everything that we expected to need - to not be found wanting.  Strangely, part of the idea was to get away from the stuff and our routine.

A motorcycle trip is different - space is limited so you bring what you need - this or that.   What happens if it rains?  You get wet and maybe spend time hanging out with others in an unexpected place - you do dry out an often appreciate the people you both helped and allowed to help you.

Motorcyclists often offer a solidarity arm gesture to other riders as they pass each other on the road and they also tend to share stories at the gas pumps too - you do spend more time at gas stations.  When traveling on my motorcycle, I feel like I'm part of a bigger group that wants a freer life.

You can like the idea of riding a motorcycle and buy one this week.  You might keep it stored under a tarp in the back of your garage and take it out occasionally to drive around the neighborhood.  It might be safer that way and your bike would stay shinier and newer looking - maybe that's why so many used motorcycles have few miles on their odometer. 

This motorcycle was great . . .

It seems that the only church in town might be a lot like a biker group.  Living more freely in the present together, rid of the extra baggage, more purposeful.  Like the Greek work "ecclesia" - a called out group of people who wanna be free.

Just for today...

"I've heard that we don't necessarily gravitate toward what is good for us; we gravitate toward what feels like home."  Hope for Today (p. 81)  

"Logic may dictate a certain course of action while my inner voice urges me in a different direction.  I may have an easier time when I follow the dictates of logic, convenience, or past experience, but am I cheating myself out of something much better?"  Courage to Change (p. 81)

March 20th - Idols and Jealousy

The story...

God says that He's a jealous God.  Were we created for a relationship with Him?

When I get that unsatisfied feeling, that "itch," where do I go?  Do I search the internet for a thing to desire and posses?  Do I consume a favorite food?  Do I drink or swallow a substance to soothe it?  Maybe I'll look at other people's glamor photos on social media?  How about dreaming of the other relationship that might've been more fulfilling?  How about escaping my surroundings and going to the place that everybody wants to be if they could?  

These might all be considered idols that stunt or stifle my relationship with God.  I do drift from the best condition - the decline seems to occur almost imperceptibly.  Restoration, to the better condition, seems to occur best through prayer, reflection, and meditation.

For me, there's no better state of being than walking humbly and honestly within a close relationship with God.  He's provided the power and the way too. "Me in Christ and the Spirit of Christ in me."  Wow...

What will spiritual conditions be like within the only church in town?   All will have an "old nature" that works to separate them from God and others too.  The people would purpose to do justice, love kindness and walk honestly and humbly with God in Christ.  When a fellow pilgrim falls, others will be there to help them up and continue their worthy life journeys - separately yet together.

Just for today...

"I have always judged my value on the basis of my accomplishments, or on what other people said of me.  This meant I had to work all the time, or constantly make myself the center of attention."  Courage to Change (p. 80)

"The decision is never overt, and explanations are never made openly. The outcasts simply find themselves excluded from the family for a period of time."  Hope for Today (p. 80)

Isaiah 44:9-20 reveals God's perspective about humans and their idols. 

March 19th - Annotating Your Story

The story...

As a teacher, I encouraged students to write in the margins of their textbooks.  "Write your key 'learnings' in your own words . . . Internalize what you've learned . . . Write actionable statements . . . Record what you're taking away from this life investment."  Sadly many students were hesitant to write in their book.  Why?  Some believed that their thoughts were inferior to the authors.  Some were told not to deface library books.  Some wanted to resell the book and receive more money for a "like new" book.  Some never learned the annotating process for more effectively studying, learning, and applying.

A guy I respected, told me that it saddened him that people attended church "sermons" and didn't record what was important to them.  I agreed and decided to record my key points on a spiral bound set of notecards each week - I also included a sketch that reminded me of my key point(s).  This continued for a few years - it certainly helped me engage and review what I received.  I especially appreciated the sketches.  Then, a pastor was leaving the church and I was asked to collect a dozen of these cards that I might share with the pastor as a bit of memorabilia.  I was surprised that none of my note cards were appropriate for sharing with the community.  They meant much to me but would clearly be misconstrued by some church members.

My son's church thoughts on 3/03/96

The only church in town would provide the opportunity for people to walk side-by-side within the will of God.  This would include intentional learning and personal growth activities with the freedom to choose.  What joy to think of my son imagining that great afternoon when he'd be free from the church building and able to get out there and live - I'm glad I surrendered my note pad to him that day.

Just for today...

"I will make this day a happy one, for I alone can determine what kind of day it will be." One Day at a Time (p. 79)

"I don't know what is best for others because I don't know the lessons that God is offering them . . . Nine times out of ten, I am focusing on someone else to avoid looking at something in my own life."  Courage to Change (p. 79)

March 18th - Groupthink versus Truth

The story...

Solomon Asch conducted a conformity experiment to test the phenomena that's often referred to as groupthink.  In this study, only 25% of the participants would not go along with group consensus when evaluating which line length was a match.  

Reference & Comparison Card Pair - Wikipedia 5/18/24

Personally, I've often experienced the pain of being in that quartile who maintained their integrity when the group's going the other way - "it's just the way I am."  I assume that when the issues are more complex, than assessing the length of lines, the percentage decreases significantly.  Groupthink often results in people going where they don't wanna go - maybe nobody.

Within the only church in town, I hope that God's revealed Word would be the standard for measuring line length.  And, I hope that the grace, love and mercy offered by God, to us in Christ, would be extended amongst community members - freedom from the tyrannical rule of self.  Then, people might have a solid rock foundation for measuring truth - working out a life of integrity, characterized by love, amongst all their groups.

Just for today...

"I can lower my expectations of others and myself, and choose to be happy with progress rather than perfection."  Hope for Today (p. 78)

"I've spent so much time and energy trying to help those who didn't want it, that the opportunity  to make a welcome contribution to someone else's well being is precious to me." Courage to Change (p. 78)

"I will not look for a scapegoat to excuse my own faults."  One Day at a Time (p. 78)

"We must be true inside, true to ourselves, before we can know a truth that is outside us."  No Man Is an Island - Thomas Merton

March 17th - "Live and Let Live"

The story...

"Live and let live" is a life giving saying that suggests that we mind our own business and allow others the dignity and respect to live their own lives.  This frees us up from the burdens of "trying" to live out other people's lives - a burden that was never ours to carry.

My house has a deck out back with floodlights mounted under the eaves.  I enjoy working there when the weather's nice - the floodlight is above my head.  In the spring, invariably, a robin will attempt to build a nest above the flood light.  It was my habit to remove the nest, in various stages of build, three or even four times, before they gave up and moved elsewhere.  In 2021, I decided to practice "live and let live" and accommodate the robin.  I moved my "work" chair and endured the momma's chirping as she instinctually protected her chicks.  We even replanned gatherings that'd need the deck space.  Embarrassingly, I bragged about this good deed to all who would listen - "oh... what a proud man I can be."  One day, when the chicks were about ready to leave the nest, I witnessed a barred owl swoop down to the nest and swallow all the chicks.  My emotions ran deep.

What's the moral of the story?  Kill the barred owls!  Please don't, I love 'em.  Two of them are hooting "who cooks for you" as I write.  Do you "live and let live" at the risk of hurt and pain?  For me, I'll continue to "live and let live" but I'm also going to remove even the first twig from that lamp - I know better.  The barred owls in the woods are real.

Would the people of the only church in town be allowed the freedom to live out their own lives with dignity and respect?  I hope the answer is yes. Surely, we all need to be heard and  occasionally helped along our way.  Yet the risk of allowing people the freedom to live out their own lives is worth it.  Who knows what might happen as God works through the people of the only church in town.

Just for today...

"Before anyone else can pick up the ball, I need to be willing to drop it."   Hope for Today (p. 77)

"Difficult situations often bring out qualities in us that otherwise might not have risen to the surface, such as courage, faith, and our need for one another." Courage to Change (p. 77)

March 16th - Obsessive Thoughts

 The story...

"It's okay to let bad ideas land in your head but it's not okay to let them build a nest there."  I don't know when I heard this cliché but I do remember it.  I'm capable of renumerating, or continuously thinking about, an emotional triggered "issue" for too long.  This obsessive thinking can drive me into a mode where I think that I need to fix, manage, or control the issue(s).  Even when I'm distracted or move my energy toward another direction, it can be tempting to pick the thoughts up again.  Endlessly juggling them in my mind.  At those times, we're not free to choose a better life-giving alternative.  If free, we might experience fruit like: love, joy, peace, patience, happiness, and even joy. 

Personally, these obsessive thought patterns are negatively correlated with the degree that I'm walking humbly with God.  The more that I'm obsessively thinking, the less I'm thinking about, and relating rightly and honestly with, God and other people too.

Have I complete victory over obsessive thinking?  No.  Yet, I do recognize that obsessive state of mind and more quickly return to that right relation with God - the relationship-fruit bearing cycle is restored.  

Here are a few techniques I learned to better deal with obsessive thinking:

1. Say to yourself: "You've four minutes to tell me the truth about the situation - then it's over."  I'm frequently more aware of the situation reality, and my part in it, after the four minutes.
2. Literally brush the imagined issue off each of your shoulders as if they were bugs.
3. Kneel down and pray related truths from God's Word, about you, and the situation too.  Then spend and equal amount of time quietly and attentively listening.

The only church in town idea doesn't provide the opportunity for people to go to another church or split the church when obsessively focused on trouble.  The leaders, formal and informal, would naturally go to technique three, first individually and then as community.

Just for today...

"Acceptance means simply admitting there are things we cannot change.  Accepting them puts an end to our futile struggles and frees our thought and energy to work on things that can be changed." One Day at a Time (p. 76)

"When I obsessed, I hurt myself.  I drove myself to madness - insane thoughts and ideas - by trying to fix or control that which I have no power."  Hope for Today (p. 76)

March 15th - I'm OK, You're OK

The story...

In 1967, psychiatrist Thomas Anthony Harris published the book "I'm Okay - You're Okay."  It was a bestseller in the early 1970s.  It introduced the idea that a person's psychological state can shift situationally.  The three states were easy to understand and remember: Parent, Child and Adult.  Parent is like a mix of all that you heard and saw parents and adults do and say when you were a child.  Adult is that more independent person who has adapted to, and developed some control over, their environment.  This was a helpful model for me.  For example, many parents want to work out an adult-adult relationship with their adult children.

What does a good adult-to-adult relationship look like in the only church in town?  Would all the people be valued and treated with dignity and respect - treated as equals?  This seems to be justified by the USA's Declaration of Independence (1776):

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness"

I suppose that the problems are with those persons that do NOT behave, look, think or believe what we or I do - the exceptions.  How do I relate to adults who are different from me?  Personally, I think we can go a long way by beginning every relationship with one word in mind - RESPECT.

What season of life might the child best be related to as an adult in the only church in town?  Jewish boys and girls receive their Bar or Bat Mitzvah at the age of 12.  There seems to be many advantages of treating a teenager as an adult.  Their teenage season of life might be a time to practice giving and receiving adult-to-adult interactions.  If the alternative Parent-Child relationship stays in place, the rebels rebel and the passive are left to be led along like by a ring in their nose - these are the extremes yet often ring true.  I expect that being treated like, and behaving like, an adult would be a good place to come from when learning about who I am, where I'm going, and how to get there.  Yes, that was a definition of wisdom worked into that last sentence.

Just for today...

"I came to see how, as a child, I had played a role in creating the dynamics of my family. Not knowing how to manage uncomfortable feelings, I tried to stuff them deep down inside, but they didn't go away. Instead, they led me to behave in ways that perpetuated the feelings."  Hope for Today (p. 73)

"When I behave self-righteously, I'm the one who suffers - I separate myself from my fellow human beings, focus on others, and keep busy with hateful and negative thoughts."  Courage to Change (p. 73)

March 14th - A Journey of Faith

The story...

The preacher said: "If you aren't 100% sure of your salvation then you've got a big problem that you need to deal with."   He said this frequently and it bothered me every time.  Why?  I'm a conversationalist who asked about and heard other conceptions of God.  I remember believing in the gospel, during a Baptist outreach, when I was about seven.  However, I also rationally understood how the whole construct might've been worked out to help people deal with their fear of pain and death.  Wouldn't the fear of chaos motivate men to create a religion to control the masses?

I'm not sure what the process was, but one day I fully believed and stopped entertaining doubts - began more humbly and honestly walking with God in a "right' relationship.  I'm not sure whether it was an act of my will, powered by the Spirit of God, an experiment, or something worked out in prayer.  I do know that I fully believe God's Word now as opposed to rationally considering and evaluating each idea before "I" make "my" decision.  I hope that my current faith is more like the faith of Abraham - God's friend.

I struggled to find a picture that might best relate to faith.  I chose this bolt head that helped secure the bed of my old truck to it's rusty frame. If you've worked on old cars you learned that you'll find a way to get that seized bolt out even when it appears that there is "no way."  Fretting or thoughts of quitting don't help.  I was so thankful that I was able to grind this one off - I keep it as a reminder to trust the process and to remember past victories.

How might the only church in town work out their faith together and individually?  Preaching, teaching, praising, worshiping, communion, eating, serving, loving, helping, building, listening, sharing, caring, and likely most important - trusting in the will and hand of God.  The faith journey may start in a moment like Don and Betty had at their son's camp.  Their sin and the consequences are easy for the viewer to see yet they don't appear to really know what's going on -  a curse, the law of sin and death, working it's way out in people who were created for something better.

Just for today...

"If we do finally ask for God's help, we must do so with absolute confidence. It is fruitless to take back into our own hands the problem which our powerlessness forced us to turn over to Him." One Day at a Time (p. 74)

"It stands to reason that a change in us will be a force for good that will help the entire family." Courage to Change (p. 74)

March 13th - Our stories

The story...

Jesus taught through parables to both subtly teach and deliver tough messages indirectly.  I remember stories and love to share them - yes, I am a "story teller." I ponder stories that don't make sense to me. Movies with poor or unreasonable story lines . . . "ugh." 

Sometimes life experiences don't make sense, the related thoughts linger on until I reach some sort of conclusion.  Hours later I find myself saying: "That's what they were trying to tell me!"   I must miss most of the messages that I was intended to receive - story helps.

A friend and I watched almost all of the Seinfeld TV series episodes.  Each of the episodes were stories about common events with humorous way of looking at them.  When bringing a gift to an event, my friend will often say: "who is going to carry in the 'big salad'?"  We laugh when remembering the uncomfortable situation that the Seinfeld story embedded in our minds.  These common stories seem to help us communicate more quickly and succinctly as friends do.  I expect that friends share a common set of life stories that contain much of the history and meaning of their relationship.  It'd be more difficult to express yourself to another person without these common reference points.

Commonly understood stories can set the groundwork for sharing, more precisely and accurately, bigger or more complex ideas.  These bigger ideas are related to bigger questions that people like me have a hard time ignoring or accepting simple solution{s) to the questions they beg.

The only church in town would have stories from: scripture, the full-group, the sub-group, and the individual members too. This fuller set of stories help make more sense of life, God, people, and me too.  I'm thankful that I've attended the same church for a long period of time.  Yes, the only church in town would have long-term relationships.  No more church splits or church hopping?

Just for today...

"I came to see how, as a child, I had played a role in creating the dynamics of my family. Not knowing how to manage uncomfortable feelings, I tried to stuff them deep down inside, but they didn't go away. Instead, they led me to behave in ways that perpetuated the feelings."  Hope for Today (p. 73)

March 12th - Value of Attitude

The story...

It seemed that most people knew and valued Chuck Swindoll's statement on attitude - it was often posted on bulletin boards.  It seemed timeless yet something appears to have replaced it.  I wonder what that could be?

"This may shock you, but I believe the single most significant decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my choice of attitude. It is more important than my past, my education, my bankroll, my successes or failures, fame or pain, what other people think of me, or say about me, my circumstances, or my position. The attitude I choose keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there's no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.

Yet we must admit that we spend more of our time concentrating and fretting over the things that can't be changed than we do giving attention to the one that we can change, our choice of attitude. Stop and think about some of the things that suck up our attention and energy, all of them inescapable: the weather, the wind, people's action and criticisms, who won or lost the game, delays at airports or waiting rooms, x-ray results, gas and food costs.

Quit wasting energy fighting the inescapable and turn your energy to keeping the right attitude. Those things we can't do anything about shouldn't even come up in our minds; the alternative is ulcers, cancer, sourness, depression.

Let's choose each day and every day to keep an attitude of faith and joy and belief and compassion."

Thank you Pastor Swindoll

The only church in town would offer the best reasons for having a good attitude in all circumstances - every day.

Just for today...

"Negative thinking is a destructive force, but for me it's a way of life. When I feel tired, sick, bored, or stressed, I tend to focus on what's wrong. Sometimes I'm unhappy with myself or others. Sometimes I don't like my circumstances. Whether I complain aloud or suffer in silence, a negative attitude invites self-pity and discontent."  Hope for Today (p. 72)

"Detachment with love means that I stop depending upon what others do, say, or feel to determine my own well-being or to make my decisions."  Courage for Today (p. 72)

March 11th - Try or commit?

The story...

I expect that I should give credit for this "learning" to the person who showed me.  However, somebody shared it with him and who knows where it originated.  

The scenario, you ask for someone in the group to commit to completing an assignment.  They respond that they'll "try" to have it done by next Monday.  You take a dollar bill from your wallet and present it in front of them and you say: "try to take this dollar bill."  They pull it out of your hand and you say "No, I said 'try' to take it out of my hand - you actually took it out of my hand."  The receiver may say "huh?" and you repeat the exercise with them a few times before they internalize the idea.  "Try" means that you may or may not accomplish the task and have made no commitment.  Teams work best when people will to do what they say.  I frequently facilitated meetings where people, who were tempted to "waffle" on a commitment, would change their mind when I merely reached for my wallet and they recalled the value of commitment.

"Try to take this from my hand."

I expect that the only church in town would be filled with people who represent the full community.  And, each would be at a different stage of their lives. Together, they'd have all they need to work out the will of God for them, their church, and their community - trusting God with the outcomes.  Each would grow working side by side towards a common aim.  Rather than try, they'd work out their faith together in actualities.  Each person safely in Christ and Christ working out good works through them.

Just for Today...

"My friend and I resolve that in the future we will try less, accept more, and let go of our impatience, self-criticism, and self-hatred.  We take a deep breath and say, "Help me, God."  Courage to Change (p. 71)

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor; for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up!" Ecclesiastics 4:9,10 (NASB)

March 10th - Everybody singing

The story...

The scene was from the risers in my seventh-grade choir room.  The leader said: "Rommel, you don't sing as good as you think you do."  I was crushed and have generally avoided public singing since then.  I don't recall ever hearing a recording of my singing.  I do sing praise and worship songs in church and sing along to the songs I like.  

There was a day I sang, "a Capella", in front of a large group of people.  I sang part of  Neil Young's "Love is a Rose" at my daughter's wedding.  Sure, I planned and practiced what I would say and sing.  Yet, I sang somewhat naturally from a heart that was spilling over with love for my daughter and her marriage.  She grew to be independent, capable, and developed many friendships.  Now she was committing to live her life out with a very good man.  It was joyful day.  Our friendship continues to grow as we share more of the reality of our true selves and our life stories.

It's an only church in town dream where everybody's praising and worshipping together. Praising God for what He has done and worshipping Him for Who He is.  Yes, everybody singing with all they've got!

Just for today...

"Sing a Song" Julie Andrews and the Muppets (1980)

"Wonderful things can happen today because I welcome the thrill of participating in my own life."  Courage to Change (p. 70)

March 9th - Did I run a good race?

The story...

It's the 22nd mile of the October 17th, 1999, Detroit Marathon.  A man, dressed in black and red, stood outside a bar with a table of clear cups that seemed to contain beer and wine.  He offered all runners the opportunity to quit the struggle and rest - "take it easy."  The guy who I was running with stopped and left me. I'm nut sure if he left at that moment; but, I do remember the deep-felt sense of discouragement when he left me on my own.  We were sharing a common goal, a pact of sorts, that we committed to along our journey.  My family cheered for me before Belle Isle and I expected them at the finish line - I longed to finish.  

The last game played in Tiger Stadium was September 27th, 1999.  The race finished with a lap around the bags and a final step onto home plate.  I heard my family, all Tiger fans, yelling for me as I stepped on the first bag - the emotion was overwhelming and wonderful.  I just barely qualified for the Boston Marathon that day and ran the great race in the spring of 2000.

Wow ... did that really happen?

The race story reminds me of that final scene in the movie Saving Private Ryan.  Ryan says to his wife: "'Tell me I've lived a good life.' and 'Tell me I'm a good man.'"  I believe my finish time at Boston was precise to the second.  What's the measure of a good life?  Everybody's life is clearly different. Scripture says that our Creator has a will that's partially worked out through his creatures.  His creatures certainly are free-willed and seem to all have a difficult time truly loving God, their neighbors, and even themselves.

The only church in town would proclaim and teach the revealed Words of God.  The wonderful and mystical reality of our lives being safe within Christ, and the Spirit of Christ in us - the good life worked out together.

Just for today...

"Today I will remember that uncertainty is not a fault but an opportunity. Everything I do and everything that crosses my path - people, situations, ideas - all have the potential to contribute to my growth and understanding."  Courage to Change (p. 69)

March 8th - A friend to all is a friend to none

 The story...

When in my 20s, I had a reoccurring fantasy of owning a bar that sold food.  I'd stop by a couple of times per day to see the familiar, laugh with old friends, and meet new people too.  Saturday mornings would find me doing the "books" at my favorite seat - "my" booth.  The morning sun would be shinning through the windows and I would feel comfort and self-fulfillment.

A few times a year, I'd drink beer and dine at a place called "Tip a Few" in Grand Haven, MI.  It's similar but different from my imagined place of goodness and comfort. I liked to order a pitcher of "Pabst Blue Ribbon" beer - the beer I often shared with friends during my college years.  Inevitably, I'd resurrect the dream of owning my bar with great enthusiasm.  The one who knows me well would say "here you go again" and they'd sit back with "that smile I hold dear" as I retold my vision of how it would be and how great it would feel.  Five minutes after we left the front door I'd again say: "what was I thinking?"  Then, the one who knows me well would squeeze my hand and we'd walk on together - laughing.   

For the last 3.5 years I haven't drank alcohol and seem to have lost any interest in it. Personally, I had practical and situational reasons for stopping.  I've started other good habits that're now part of who I am.  Personally, the change hasn't affected where I go much yet I returned to that place only once.  The people respectfully served me water and I enjoyed the experience with muchness.  That old-fond dream seems to be vanquished and gone forever - that's good.

It's water

Would the only church in town attempt to simulate this common "good" experience with coffee bars and breakfast nooks?  I've witnessed a few good "tries" yet they seemed to be a bit pretentious and fall short - they weren't the thing.  I expect that people, who'd go to the only church in town, would be looking for the real thing - to better know the Word of "That Than Which there is No Greater" and to be more like the person that He is and wants them to be - their aim. 

 

Just for today...

"A friend to all is a friend to none."   The Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle (340 BCE)

March 7th - Imagined reality

The story...

Have you ever imagined something and then built it?  You weren't too sure about how it'd work out in "actuality" yet you got started.  You laid the pieces out on the table.  You arranged, substituted, tried again, until it seemed just right.  While looking at your work you might have felt a deep-internal satisfaction.  The symmetry, the colors, the flaw, the shadows, the order . . . you liked looking at it. What's the cause of this deep-felt satisfaction?  I'm sensing those feelings now.

I made this isosceles triangle yesterday. The story isn't found in what it's for.  It's more about the idea of working an imagined idea into reality, pondering it, and enjoying it.  Actually taking the time to pause, observe, and see in solitude.  Scripture says that God created - He knew who we would be.  He enjoys His creation and creatures.  I wonder if God feels something like I feel, albeit infinitely greater and different, as He observes us?  Is this another way we're made in the image of God?

How does this apply to the only church in town?  Most churches design a building to fit the group's expected needs and hopes.  Those that helped create it have a special affinity for it.  Thirty years from now the people will be different, the building a bit more decayed, and patches will give it a different look.  

The Apostle Paul refers to the "Body of Christ" as a called-out group of people.  Grasping this most wonderful idea requires our imagination as we read about it.  Through faith, you just might sense the beginnings of this wonderful, yet mystical, union of people in reality - introspection and contemplation required. 

Just for today...

"I don't have to look back at past ugliness except to learn from it, to enhance the present, and to release whatever beauty is trapped behind old secrets and self-defeating attitudes." Courage to Change (p. 67)

"I permitted Myself to be sought by those who did not ask for Me; I permitted Myself to be found by those who did not seek Me. I said, ‘Here am I, here am I,’ To a nation which did not call on My name."  Isaiah 65:1 (NASB)

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13 (NASB)

March 6th - Like swimming laps

 The story...

They say swimming is good for you.  For me, it's my best alternative.  I wonder what swimming is like for young athletes; all those hours with their head down thinking about what?  This is my second go at swimming as part of a life style - a habit.  The whole process takes about two hours with 35 minutes actually doing my version of freestyle.  I pack my bag, drive, find a space, find my way in, talk to a friend, change, shower, jump in, start my Apple watch, swim, shower, change, talk again, and drive somewhere.  Why would a sane person do such a thing?  For me, it's part of a better life.  I expect that people who come closest to knowing me would agree that this is a good investment of these chunks of life.  I plan on sticking with it until...

How does a person think while their eyes are watching those tile squares, on the bottom of the pool, flow by?  I used to think about how much longer I had to do this - my watch takes care of that now.  Each time's different yet the same in some ways.  You can't hear much, can't see much, can't smell much, can't taste much but you do feel a whole lot as you almost weightlessly float along.  I come out of the pool feeling rested and more peaceful.  And, a bit closer to my inner-man - maybe even my spirit/Spirit connection?

The one I love is running is within this photo.

The only church in town might feel like the community pool.  I hope you enjoy pondering this one and maybe even planning to visit your community pool.  Might a change to your routine help you "be."

Just for today...

"When I was angry and wanted to argue, I silently fumed.  When I was hurt and wanted comfort, I pouted. When I wanted attention, I talked non-stop. I couldn't understand why I rarely got the responses I expected!  I no longer expect anyone to read my mind."  Courage to Change (p. 66)

March 5th - Wring Out the Value

The story...

The scene from long-long ago, I'm sitting at a conference table with a man from Hong Kong.  He's explaining plans for a new high-rise office building to replace their existing building.  I'm attentive - I'd heard stories about the "buzz" that characterized Hong Kong - I wanted to experience it too.  He explained that the building was being replaced to improve area traffic flow.  Large buildings are obviously expensive so this surprised me.  Why would they do such a thing?  They were replacing it for the benefit of the whole community.  Then I ask: "How old is the existing building?"  His answer shocked me: "It's seven or eight years old."   

I was reminded of the Hong Kong story when enjoying ice sculptures that were shown in the heart of my home town. They'd already begun to melt.  They also offered value to me and the community who chose to observe them.  Yet their expected life span was counted in hours.

How long might the only church in town last?  Buildings and their "value added" come and go.  Yet, I hope that the people who congregate there will "wring out" all of the value they can until...

Just of today... 

"I used to believe thinking was the highest function of human beings . . . I now realize loving is our supreme function..."  Hope for Today (p.65)

A wise friend offered me the following good advice: When a thought takes hold of your mind and shows signs of becoming obsessive thinking, stop, allow four minutes to reflect on what's true about it and then decide if something truly needs to be done on your part.  If not, continue on living. 

"Let go of the things you don't need to open up room for your strengths, skills, and feelings to become more fully part of your life."   Courage to Change (p. 65)