October 26th - Did I criticize the pastor to deflect self-criticism?

The story...

On the way home from church, the conversation often focused on the pastor and the sermon they just delivered.  Rather than focusing on what may have been true about me, my faith, my heart, and my life; I often, not to subtly, criticized the pastor's message, the pastor, or other people within the church.  Sure, my criticism might have been tactfully disguised as an opinion; but, the intent was likely to feel better about myself by criticizing others. 

Maybe these sermons upset my vision of who I was, what I was doing, and where I was going.  Maybe I was imaging a reality that was skewed and in need of change?  Now, I believe that I was deflecting, denying, and delaying.  Then, I was protecting myself and the status quo.  A condition that included unresolved rejection, shame, guilt, hurt...

The only church in town will preach the Word of God in reality.  People will not be pleased when their selfish attempts to control their life don't look so good in the Light of God's revealed Word.  There's going to be turmoil both before and after the transformational work of the gospel believed.  Yet, this is the place where that rejection, shame, guilt, and hurt can be left at the foot of the cross - there's forgiveness and redemption there.  The joy of a good heart walking honestly and humbly with the Lord their God.

Just for today...

"For a few minutes I felt better about myself - but not for long and only at other people's expense. Gossip never enriched anyone's character. It was only an excuse to avoid focusing on myself . . . When I feel good about myself, it's much easier not to take insults personally."  Courage to Change (p. 300)

"Some folks worry and putter, 

Push and shove,

Hunting little molehills,

To make big mountains of."

One Day at a Time (p. 300) 

April 1st - The Critic

The story...

What's true about that acute or overt criticism that I receive?  A wise person told me that criticism often has an element of truth in it - the wise man values criticism for what he might discover.  The "feedback" may be a truth, or perception, that we aren't aware of or have minimized.  Honest awareness and consideration of faults, or perceptions, can be like the value of a fine pearl.  You must work to open the shell, take it out, assess the value, and then decide what to do with it.

It's likely harder for a person, who has deep-felt emotions, such as shame and guilt, to truly listen.  It's easier to criticize the message sender and discredit the message than honestly considering it's validity.  

I wish I'd never criticized a preacher - especially in front of my children.  Rather, I wish I'd have developed closer relationships with them so that we both might've grown together - even through infrequent constructive criticism.

I expect the only church in town would have preachers and leaders who model wise behavior.  For me, being open to receiving criticism is part of continual growth in both me and my relationships too - pearls. 

Just for today...

"The contented, well adjusted person has no need to look for flaws in others . . . criticism has the effect of pushing love right out of the picture. This in turn, leads us to feeling sorry for ourselves because people do not respond to us as we would like them to."  One Day at a Time (p. 92)

March 24th - That Snowball - Old Scars

The story...

In my late twenties, I was asked to serve as a middle-school youth leader.  It was initially uncomfortable as you might expect.  Yet, playing, laughing, teaching key truths in story, attending a youth-leader seminar, leading songs with guitar, traveling together, sharing life actualities, suffering together, encouraging, praising, and seeing growth were real good.  Then an event happened that triggered emotions that must've been buried deep down inside me.

The situation: it's winter, there's snow outside, and we'd just finished our youth group events for the night.  The kids are running and playing inside.  One boy steps outside, makes a snowball, and throws it at a friend whose running away inside the church.  Frustrated, I was left to scoop up the snow.  At the same time, I look up and see an Elder walk out of a bible-study room and stare at me and the snowball splat, he wore a look of disgust.

Why does this scene trigger emotions from me even now as I recall it.  This happened about 35 years ago!  Thank goodness I didn't react quickly to that leering look.  I finished cleaning up the mess and stored my pent-up emotions.  The Elder was a good man and I still think of him with respect.  So, was my primary cause frustration, authority figures, the youth leader role, lack of respect shown to me as the leader, unwanted discipline I received long ago, my questioning the worthiness of my service, or simply being rejected by the group?  I don't know the cause.  It may've been all or some combination; yet, it seems that an emotional wound was exposed in this critical event.  I likely still have a small scar.

The only church in town is going to be filled with wounded people who cover up their scars.  Comfort and hope is available as they learn to love and receive love.  This story highlights the need to work out the greatest and second greatest commandments - love the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind.  And, love your neighbor as yourself.  Yes, that means loving yourself too.

Just for today...

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers." One Day at a Time (p. 84)

"I searched my past to see how this character defect had helped me to survive the pain and chaos of growing up in. . . Listing the benefits of the defect made it easier to see why it had become such a big part of me.  It also helped me see how the flaw was just a positive attribute run amok."  Hope for Today (p. 84)