September 12th - "I was just trying to help . . . my intentions were good."

The story...

Bill approved my attending an AMA, American Management Association, new manager seminar in Chicago.  I wanted to be and do my best in my new manager role.  What new tools and methods might I learn?  I left the seminar with a small book that included phrases that could be inserted into performance appraisals if you couldn't think of the right message - I don't remember actually using the book yet it felt good to have it on hand.

I wish that a mentor would've noticed my tendency to get into other people's business.  Sure my intentions were good - I wanted to "help" them to be that "better" more "capable" person that I imagined they could be.  When they had personal trouble, I tended to delve into their lives to "better" understand their situation, offer advise, and even to become involved in their work in order to "help" them along.  It seemed that I was hoping for a sort of co-dependent relationship where they valued my part in their "growth."

Thankfully I had a high performing, capable, person reporting to me who was going through a personal situation that was significantly affecting his work.  My efforts to intervene, with good intentions, were not working.  A wiser, and more experienced, manager called me out on my "coddling," intrusive, and "Christian like" intervention.  "You aren't helping him, you're enabling him to stay as he is and fail.  Hold him accountable for the results, be available if he needs support, and get out of his way."   The new approach worked and I changed my "management" style thereafter.  I adopted a pattern of giving each person the dignity; respect; necessary support; and freedom to fulfill their roles, responsibilities, and assignments - it was good, reasonable, more natural, and better results followed.   Some were not successful and moved on to a job or organization that was a better fit.  

I wish I'd have adapted some of those principles within my personal life too.  I eventually did, yet it took years for me to habitually offer most people the dignity and respect to be the unique person that they were without my "good intentioned" interference, "designed by me" to help them be who I thought they "oughta" be.  I was acting like a little god - ugh.

The only church in town would allow people to more honestly live out their lives starting with where they actually are.  Healthy relationships would be available to help them work out their lives alongside other people according to righteous principles and truth. It seems to take people a lotta time to grow - much longer than you'd ever expected.  The only church in town would be a patient, loving, and respectful environment where God's will is witnessed within reality.

Just for today...

"She is getting unconscious satisfaction from managing other people's lives, while she imagines her intentions are only good . . . Heaven protect me from my good friends who, with only the best intentions, keep the wounds of my resentment open, weaken me by their pity, an justify my complaints."  One Day at a Time (p. 256)

"Acceptance does not mean submission to a degrading situation. It means accepting the fact of a situation, then deciding what we will do about it . . . I will give myself time to accept my situation before I act." Courage to Change (p. 256)

September 7th - We need leaders who've experienced the way to go.

The story...

A preacher once shared a transformational story with me.  It went like this: He was traveling across country with two other pastors and they were discussing the difference between people knowing about God and actually having a close relationship with Him that's born fruit.  He likened the situation to knowing all about London, his home town, yet never actually experiencing it.  You could know the map and even zoom in on Google images in great detail.  You could know about the key historical events, learn their language, practice their customs, dress like them, and even cook the same food.  Yet, you'd never really know what it's like to live in, and be part of, a particular London neighborhood.

Pastor Henry Hudson

Most of us have spent a lotta time in classrooms learning about things - memorizing facts and understanding how things relate to each other.  We may even feel we've mastered a subject without actually stepping into the territory.  I hope this isn't where people leave their faith journey.

Scripture confirms that God provided a way for us creatures to have an intimate relationship with Him.  The relationship can be so close that we may even refer to Him as daddy - "Abba Father."  People often hear this truth, understand the possibility, and maybe even memorize the verses; yet, they haven't experienced the relationship.  

People attending the only church in town would reasonable expect to witness the power of God actually worked out through the people who are His.  They'd hear about ongoing prayer and meditation being a natural part of that relationship.  They'd experience: love, joy, peace, patience. goodness, kindness, gentleness and self control.  Those who walk honestly and humbly with God would naturally lead in their own unique way.  Yes, the Body of Christ worked out in reality.  Each person witnessing and experiencing faith in God's Word worked out.

Just for today...

"Eventually I felt more comfortable with my abilities and discovered talents I didn't know I had. I even began to feel capable of doing what was asked of me. Before I realized it, I was the one giving loving guidance. It took some time to see, but I had become a leader."  Hope for Today (p. 251)

July 5th - Detach with Love and Let'em Live

The story...

I was a manager who assigned an important project to a person who worked for me.  So, I stopped by his office multiple times to check on how well it was going and to offer help.  He later stopped in my office and told me that it bothered him when I checked on his work so much.  It seemed to him, that I was showing that I didn't trust him or his capability to complete the project without my help - my "checkups" made him anxious.

I was surprised by his feedback yet couldn't doubt its authenticity.  I could have disregarded the feedback by discrediting the sender; yet, he was a good man.  Over time, I did change the way I worked with people within my work groups.  Yet, I didn't apply the principle too well to other areas of my life.  I was beginning to learn the value of detachment and to trust others with their own lives - to treat them more fully with dignity and respect.  

Today, I rarely have an opinion regarding what another person should do with their lives.  I enjoy understanding others more and have developed more meaningful and less guarded relationships with others.  It seems that my life is more influential as I walk side-by-side others rather than giving them unwanted advice.  Might unwanted advice be disguised criticism?

Co-dependent or Independents within Community?

Within the only church in town, would others have opinions regarding how I ought to live out my own life?  They can't possibly know my heart or God's will for my life.  They'd know and share what God's revealed regarding Who He is, who we are as His creatures, and how we might humbly and honestly walk with Him.  I hope that the people would be vulnerable and feel safe enough to share the reality of their faith worked out in the actualities of their lives.  Yet, God's timing and His will for each person's life remains hidden until it's worked out between God and each person.  

Why not live and let live?  Can you trust them with their lives?

Just for today...

"... detachment is the freedom to own what is mine and to allow others to own what is theirs. . . I can detach and still love, still feel."  Courage for Change (p. 187)

May 13th - With Him or Without Him?

The story...

I was once the guy from out of town that comes into a manufacturing organizations to work out the change needed to meet their business plan.  One organization leader reassuringly told me: "You have the easiest job.  You can't fail.  All you have to do is find the solution that our organization believes will work.  You bring the resource requests and roadblocks to me.  I'll either accept or reject the path you're considering.  I do the heavy lifting.  We'll win because I'm behind you and I've got the power.  Keep me informed on where you're going."

A 5-lb. hammer changes things... "My Persuader"

Similarly, yet very differently, God's got the Power to work out His will either with me or without me.  Like the leader, keep Him informed and listen to His business plan.  Rest assured that He'll use you, likely in unexpected ways, according to His will and power.  Scripture says that He often chooses the weak to both work out His will while illuminating His power and glory.  Trusting God is a grand adventure that continues throughout eternity - that's truly awesome.

The only church in town would be power-filled and truly awesome.

Just for today...

"... I make my choices more conscientiously.  I do whatever footwork seems appropriate and then turn the results over to God . . .  Today I know that choosing not to decide is to decide."  Courage to Change (p. 134)

"I pray, 'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...'  Sometimes it's my viewpoint of the situation, and my course of action changes accordingly.  Sometimes the situation resolves itself with no effort on my part."  Hope for Today (p. 134)

May 3rd - Freedom to Flourish

The story...

A co-worker and I were commuting to-and-from Grand Rapids, MI as part of a continuing education curriculum devoted to helping us become better managers and leaders.  We were struggling to accept the lessons learned from a video we saw that night.  The video showed a "boss" who had multiple employees come into his office while he was setting plans for a golf outing.  Each of his reports would let him know of their problem(s) and how they were proceeding.  He acknowledged their planned actions, thanked them, and returned to planning his outing with his feet up on the desk.  It seemed like he was a disengaged, laissez-faire, manager.  Yet, the video suggested that good leadership might look like that - capable leaders and mangers performing their role in a sort of symphony together.  How could this be?   Shouldn't the boss give them advise, check on the progress of their work and pitch in to help?  You know, true servant leadership?

My fellow student and I both served support roles for multiple manufacturing facilities.  So, we challenged ourselves to decide which operation had the most capable leaders within the organization.  We were somewhat shocked when we realized that the leader of the best organization did behave much like the leader portrayed in the video - neither of us really thought he was a good leader.  Yet, his organization was like a farm team who developed good leaders and managers for the organization - they played wonderful music together.  We both learned a valuable lesson that night.

Freedom to work it out and grow

What would leadership look like within the only church in town?  I expect that they'd allow congregates the freedom to work out their own life and faith.  They'd be available, good listeners, offer related truth revealed by God, yet be slow to give advice as to what they should do or how they should do it.  They'd allow each person to grow with freedom to flourish within the will of God. 

Just for today...

"Sometimes it is more loving to allow someone else to experience the natural consequences of their actions, even when it is painful for us both."  Courage for Change (p. 124)

April 15th - Tax Day

The story...

The Holland State Park improvement plan was approved in 2010.  It happened whether we liked it or not.  I liked the park the way it was; yet, I like it better now.

One of the changes was the removal of a large number of cotton wood trees in the old parking lot.  I met a woman, while visiting the park, that expressed great anguish and anger over the thought of these trees being cut down.  She claimed that she was working diligently to stop this horrible change from happening.  She seemed physically drained by the dread of the impending change - it happened anyway.

I'm so thankful that I respected leadership's decision and their plan.  I didn't comment much about their decisions and weathered the disruptive steps of the improvement process.  There was much unexpected goodness in those changes - for me and others too.

Politicians who implement their vision for the future, sold during the campaign, are alright with me.  Certainly, they need to work with, and through, others to bring ideas into fruition.  Then we, the represented, can evaluate the results - good, marginal, or bad.   Then, in an iterative way, we build better government and communities too.

Many people complain about paying their taxes - not me.  I stand thankful for my freedom, safety, justice, property rights, care for the poor, shared facilities, parks, road system, public transportation, and all those who serve our communities.

The only church in town would treat their community leaders with respect.  (NASB, Romans 13:1-7)

Just for today...

"All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."(NASB, Ephesians 4:31-32)

March 24th - That Snowball - Old Scars

The story...

In my late twenties, I was asked to serve as a middle-school youth leader.  It was initially uncomfortable as you might expect.  Yet, playing, laughing, teaching key truths in story, attending a youth-leader seminar, leading songs with guitar, traveling together, sharing life actualities, suffering together, encouraging, praising, and seeing growth were real good.  Then an event happened that triggered emotions that must've been buried deep down inside me.

The situation: it's winter, there's snow outside, and we'd just finished our youth group events for the night.  The kids are running and playing inside.  One boy steps outside, makes a snowball, and throws it at a friend whose running away inside the church.  Frustrated, I was left to scoop up the snow.  At the same time, I look up and see an Elder walk out of a bible-study room and stare at me and the snowball splat, he wore a look of disgust.

Why does this scene trigger emotions from me even now as I recall it.  This happened about 35 years ago!  Thank goodness I didn't react quickly to that leering look.  I finished cleaning up the mess and stored my pent-up emotions.  The Elder was a good man and I still think of him with respect.  So, was my primary cause frustration, authority figures, the youth leader role, lack of respect shown to me as the leader, unwanted discipline I received long ago, my questioning the worthiness of my service, or simply being rejected by the group?  I don't know the cause.  It may've been all or some combination; yet, it seems that an emotional wound was exposed in this critical event.  I likely still have a small scar.

The only church in town is going to be filled with wounded people who cover up their scars.  Comfort and hope is available as they learn to love and receive love.  This story highlights the need to work out the greatest and second greatest commandments - love the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind.  And, love your neighbor as yourself.  Yes, that means loving yourself too.

Just for today...

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers." One Day at a Time (p. 84)

"I searched my past to see how this character defect had helped me to survive the pain and chaos of growing up in. . . Listing the benefits of the defect made it easier to see why it had become such a big part of me.  It also helped me see how the flaw was just a positive attribute run amok."  Hope for Today (p. 84)

January 30th - Stinking Thinking

The story...

About twenty years ago, my assigned Human Resources representative and I were discussing ongoing problems within my work group that she characterized and labeled as "stinking thinking."  Then she said something like: "They need a leader to help them: remember past successes and celebrate new ones, know they're capable; feel valued; serve each other; view problems as opportunities; test new ways often; learn alongside others habitually; respect each other... - then they'll engage and be the best version of themselves together.  As their manager and leader, what's your part in making this happen?"

What did I do differently?  Focused on demonstrating RESPECT for all work group members in word and deed.  Played together more often - a Friday afternoon paint-ball session helped build teamwork.  Learned more about each group member and what/who was important to them.  We solved interpersonal disputes quickly in more sustainable ways - they knew that they'd be working it out in my office, and even bring in H.R. help, if they didn't work it out together.  There were many positive changes that we made together; yet, much of the change started with me being a better leader and manger.

Yes, there was some stinking thinking going on within me that was strangely reflected within the group's interactions, behaviors, and performance together.  I started with "me" rather than attempting to craft plans to fix the problems that I could identify with "them."  The resulting changes in what we did, and who we were, were worthy of the transformation investment.  I became a better leader, manager, and person as a result of the growing that we worked out together - in community.

The only church in town will easily find fault within each other as they worship, praise, learn, grow, and serve together.  Real change and growth will occur when they internalize the value of the slogan "let the change begin with me."  The gospel will offer the opportunity for each person to be a new creature in Christ - the intended version of you.  Then each person, and the group as a whole, can be free "in deed." (Galatians 5:1).

Just for today...

"I watched, monitored, controlled, and exercised my need to feel hurt. I felt self-pity, embarrassment, superiority, resentment, and anger.  All of these took obsessive turns filling my mind and heart. I wondered why I indulged in these draining  behaviors and emotions, which only resulted in further misery for me."  Hope for Today (p. 30)

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come."  1 Corinthians 5:17 (NASB)

January 15th - Protecting from bad news by worrying in advance? Really?

The story...

There's a news show on TV and people I care about are watching and kind of listening to it.  The broadcaster is tainting the news coverage in a way that seems partial and unfair to me.  I quickly interrupt the coverage, from another room, to bring attention to the bias so that they won't be misguided and swayed to think like the crowd.  I certainly don't want to have future arguments with them or to "allow" them to live a life clouded with partial truths and popular opinion guiding their thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs.  Might my underlying motive be to push them toward thinking more like me? 

My actions do suggest that they aren't capable of living out, or interpreting, their lives without me.  I expect that they know this and they often hear my interfering voice as a clanging gong or loud droning sound that they wish would respectfully let them be - to think and live on their own.  I might be exaggerating to make the blog more interesting; however, I know it's true and want to change.

Are you trying to get somebody to behave in a way to help you?  If so, that should be a glaring red "stop" light.

Within the only church in town, there'll be popular opinion and campaigns to push congregants to agree with...   A primary function of the church is to clearly preach, teach, and work out the Word of God into the actualities of each person's life.  Other times, there will be "righteous" noises that divide, drive strong emotions, and end up with more guarded, separated, and lonelier people.  When that becomes more the norm, it seems that their ears and hearts won't be as open to receive the Word of God - that'd be tragic.

Just for today...

"I was busy projecting a horrible outcome to my loved one's crisis and dreading the ways in which the consequences might affect me . . . Part of me gambles that by worrying in advance, bad news will be easier to face if it comes.  But worrying will not protect me from the future."  Courage to Change (p. 15)