September 19th - Hurt and Resentment or...

The story...

I wanted something from my dad that he couldn't give me.  Did he tell me that it was his to offer or did I just assume he could?  He engaged with my older brother in ways he didn't do with me -  maybe there was something deficient in me?  I assumed that he was a "good" moral person because he did good stuff, was an upstanding member of the community, went to church, and served multiple roles in church and community too.  His personality and gifts were different than mine and I couldn't be much like him no matter how hard I tried.  So, what did I want from him that he couldn't give?  He did give me much.

I'd like to have known what a good life looked like and that I was worthy, capable and had the power to live one out.  I'd like to have been okay with me and my unique: capabilities, talents and personality.  People of the world seemed to challenge my worth.

These guys said I had the power - I don't think they had it to give.

My dad was a good man and good dad - he helped me much and did the best he could with what he had.  I wanted a close relationship with God, my dad, with a few close friends, with my family, and eventually alongside a life partner and community too - these relationships were illusive for me. I'm so thankful for those relationships I have now.

The relationships that we need might be found within the only church in town.  Yes, you are likely to find the personalities, giftedness, and skills that you need there.   God loves those who are His and He's got the power.

Just for today...

"I thought that resentment would prevent me from ever being hurt again . . . living my life under the heavy burdens of rage and resentment were hurting me . . . I experienced a spiritual awakening in the form of a deep desire to let go of those feelings that were poisoning my life . . . I gave up my bitterness and regained my life."  Hope for Today (p. 263)

"Hurt and guilt; Stuffed away - Rear their head; Unexpected way."
"Confess and forgive; Be truer me - Freer to love; Authentically be."   Am I a Poet?

September 18th - Authentic within community

The story...

My four siblings and I lived closely together.  Each family member seemed to provide something that others lacked.  Some took on a role that partly filled a group need: Planner, Encourager, Tester, Teacher, Story Teller, Helper, Organizer, Server, Project Leader, Decision Maker, Giver, Doer etc.  Maybe that means we were a bit dysfunctional when one of the family members was gone for a period of time.  I expect that we each flexed our style in order to recover some of the lost value of our missing sibling.  It's frustrating to see siblings compare each other to evaluate who is the "best" or to try to fulfill a "best" image that the family has conjured up.  It seems better to appreciate the value of the "we" and enjoy each other as they are.  It's a good thing to be okay with who you are - this state of being authentic seems like a sound foundation for continual growth within the "good life."

It would be a shame if there was a family code that drove all members to live, think and act in similar ways according to a "best" standard.  "If I could just fix _____ then I'd be okay" - ugh.

People new to the only church in town would learn about the Body of Christ,   There, they may appreciate unique characteristics, talents, and gifts which form God's called out group of people according to His will (1 Corinthians 12).  Each person would be valued and offered the opportunity to engage in the church community.  The church would be a place where people serve their role in something bigger and better than any one person could possibly do or be.

Just for today...

"Too often my memory has given me sadness, bringing back past hurt and shame. But now I can use my memory to see the progress I have made and to know the joy of gratitude."  Courage to Change (p. 262)

"Wanna be liked; Mostly loved - Safe from fear; Part of whole."   Am I a Poet?

September 17th - If not now - when?

The story...

I had no plans until about 5:00pm.  My newspaper likely arrived about the same time that it normally did.   The Apple watch gently reminded me that I'd need to stay active to close my stand-move-exercise goals. Financial investments were checked - probably made at least one change.  Looked for changes while walking near my home as I picked up limbs.  I interim fasted so I expect that I greatly enjoyed my lunch.  The to-do list sat next to my recliner and listed the projects that I chose to work on.  I greeted my spouse with love when she walked into the main room - we enjoyed each other's company.  There was time to work out and enjoy my relationships that day.  The relationships were most important: God; close friends, spouse; family; neighbors; acquaintances; and all those who I met. 

What might I change today to improve those relationships and our lives?  For me, I'd more fully rest within my relationship with God in Christ - the veil of sin dropped to be more sensitive to the Spirit of God's presence and workings.  The day would include prayer and meditation - centering on fundamental truths and actualities.  I'd be more aware of what's actually going on while my heart (inner-man) praised God with thankfulness.  I'd live more hopeful with all peace and joy (Romans 15:13).

The only church in town will be a place where all people, in almost every stage of life, will be welcome.  There'll be customs, rules, habits and expectations that'll be agreed to; yet, they'll not be a burden - they'll provide a good environment and point them towards the good life safe in Christ.

Just for today...

"I had to find a positive behavior to replace the fretting. Today if I catch myself worrying, I write down my specific fears, no matter how preposterous they may seem. Once I get them out of my mind and fix them on paper, I ask God to show me which ones are real and which are imagined."  Hope for Today (p. 261)

"I do have a power, a God-given one, and that is power over my own mind, emotions and reactions. If I exercise that power wisely, the problems outside of me will work out without my interference."  One Day at a Time (p. 261)

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now - when?"   Rabbi Hillel (Pirkei Avot 1:14)

"Pirkei Avot, which translates to English as Chapters of the Fathers, is a compilation of the ethical teachings and maxims from Rabbinic Jewish tradition."   Wikipedia

"Utter once; Helpful advice - Repeat again; Manipulative device."
"I think best; Pry to bend - Like little god; Sure to offend."
"Let 'em be; Who they are - Grow to be; Travel far."   Am I a Poet?

September 16th - Worry = Imagined fears worked into reality?

The story...

I'm tagging along with my mother as she shopped at the Fareway Grocery store.  She wasn't one to quickly fulfill our wants so we walked past the bins of penny candy without discussion.  One day, I willed to stuff a piece of candy into my pocket.  I saw the mirrors on the walls and knew that there was a risk that I'd be caught - I just did it.  I must have been sweating when I waited in the checkout line - I know that I fretted over the decision for days or longer.  I don't know how I resolved the moral dilemma - maybe I never did.  

How does a 4-year old boy resist?

I can remember this theft over sixty years later so it must have been an important "incident" on my mental record of who I am.  Am I good or bad?  Did I return it and toss it back into the bin?  Did I offer to pay the one cent?  Did I confess the sin and ask for forgiveness?  Did I try to do more good stuff to outweigh my failure?  Did I just push my misdeed out of my consciousness and stuff it within the recesses of my mind?

I believe this incident occurred before I accepted an invitation to trust God's great work in Christ.  Being right with God, empowered me to walk more humbly and rightly with Him.  What might I've done had I stole the candy after I accepted God's provision for my sin?  Would I have confessed this known sin in my prayers, thanked Him for forgiving me for my sin through Christ, and restored the most important relationship that sin can separate?  I do know that God knows our hearts better than we do and that no man is good - scripture says so.  His will works out with or without me.  I'm so thankful that God loves me in Christ - I'm walking through life with Him.  Man that's good news.

The only church in town will be the place where you can hear the real good news.  It's a place to worship God together.  It's a place to learn about Him, His revealed Word, us, the future, and true love too.  It's a place to develop the relationships that seem to be a big part of the recipe for your "good" life.  No need to fear and worry that fear into a bad reality.  

Why not trust God and actually live out a good-to-great life secure within His will?  If you will that too, then why not engage in that church in your town?

Just for today...

"They plead the worst case scenario in a very convincing way, until it almost seems frivolous to consider a positive outcome.  Yet the loudest voice is not necessarily the truest." Courage to Change (p. 260)

"Let me not force my own certainties on others. I could be wrong. A generous tolerance can smooth out many rough places in my day-to-day living." One Day at a Time (p. 260)

"What might be?; This or that? - He's got all; Abide with Him."   Am I a Poet?

September 15th - What if I don't react?

The story...

"When somebody engages you in an emotional interaction that's fueling painful reactions - drop the rope - quit playing tug of war."  I remember hearing this advice and contemplating the potential value.  Refuse to play in arguments and emotional bondage exchanges - drop the rope and diffuse the virtual tug of war.  I applied this wisdom for a few weeks and I was surprised how often I'd been falling into the trap of debating opinions and arguing against another person's perspective, life view, or opinion.  Alternatively, I could demonstrate respect for the other person by listening to and seeking to understand them - I didn't have to agree or disagree with them.  I could show love and respect for me while allowing them to be who they were - relationship might actually grow.

Three Mile island - Reactor meltdown

Even if you believe you won the argument, the old adage remains: "Convince me against my will and I will be of the same opinion still."   People within the only church in town will frequently be at different stages of their life and faith - I hope that they'll be gifted with hope, peace, and grace along the way.

Just for today...

"Some of us have a constant drive to do something about everything that happens, everything that someone says to us . . . When I react, I put the control of my peace of mind in the hand of others."  One Day at a Time (p. 259)

"Nothing is good or bad, it is thinking that makes it so."  William Shakespeare

September 14th - Painful life lessons - pearls or thorns?

The story...

"You're going to have foot surgery on both of your feet?  That's great, you'll be in a wheelchair and bring light on all the handicap access limitations within our facilities.  Why not do the wheelchair option and indirectly help others along the way?"   I accepted the surgery one foot at a time - traded the concept of a wheelchair with the reality of crutches.  My struggles with crutches did require receiving help, possibly love too, from others; but, I didn't expose the handicap limitations some hoped for.

I remember standing in the snow, on my crutches, trying to work the entry card reader.  My bag dangled from my shoulder as I attempted to open the door - I couldn't do it.   I waited for another early bird to arrive and open it for me.  I needed help.  The experience was real good for me - it taught me to be both less self reliant and to receive kindness along the way.  I moved from mostly independent to more interdependent.  The suffering was good and I was "lucky" enough to repeat the process twice.

So, the painful experience was actually like a valuable pearl to me.  So, why do I maneuver to avoid suffering today?  We know why.   Even so, I will to remain thankful in all circumstances and be thankful for God's provision for today, tomorrow, and for all eternity too.

Those who choose to be a member of the only church in town will recognize the value of working out their life trusting in God's provision.  They'll enjoy loving relationships with others along the way too.  Yes, they'll receive His love while abiding with Him in Christ - "abba" father!

Just for today...

"The lessons were too painful - I would get excited about something, only to have my hopes shattered. As time passed and hope diminished, I fell deeper into despair. Eventually I shut down my feelings and refused to care or to hope for anything at all . . . It is risky to care - I may be disappointed. But in trying to protect myself from pain, I could cut  myself off from the many delights that life has to offer. I will live more fully today."   Courage to Change (p. 258)

"Christ the Vine; His branch out - Suffering trims, Fruit born anew."   Am I a Poet?

September 13th - What do I truly fear?

The story...

The surgeon showed me my spinal x-ray.  "Your spondylolisthesis between your L4 and L5 vertebrae is pinching that bundle of nerves which is causing pain in both your back and your lower extremities.  The surgery will align the two with metal rods and the impingements will be removed - of course there are risks."  Life wasn't doable; opted for the surgery; suffered through complications; eventual positive outcome - fears alleviated.

spondylolisthesis - From Wikipedia

I don't characterize myself as a fearful person but I fear some things.  The sum of my fears seem to fit within the following seven categories:

1. Changes within the "game of life" requiring adaptation
2. Living outside the will of God
3. Loneliness
4. Loss of loving relationships
5. Loss of security for me or those I love
6. Loss of freedom
7. Rejection

The only church in town will shine the light of God's revealed Word on our reality.  Even if the causes of our fears remain; bright solutions are attenable and available.

Just for today...

"God grant me the wisdom to recognize the faults I am building into a wall, such a wall as cannot be penetrated even by love."  One Day at a Time (p. 257)

"Why does a dog bark? I feel terror when I'm on the receiving end of ferocious barking. I suspect that a dog barks because of his own fear. If the dog really wanted to attack, he'd dispense with the barking and lunge for me."  Hope for Today (p. 257)

"Fear it; Meet that - Act safe; Bide time."
"Waste days; Waste nights - Tryin ceased; Grafted in."
"Free from me; Tyrannical past -  Free to be; Home at last."    Am I a Poet?

September 12th - "I was just trying to help . . . my intentions were good."

The story...

Bill recommended I attend an AMA, American Management Association, new-manager seminar in Chicago.  I wanted to be and do my best in my new manager role.  What new tools and methods might I learn?  I left the seminar with a small book that included phrases that could be inserted into performance appraisals if you couldn't think of the right message - I don't remember actually using the book although it felt good to have it on hand.

I wish that a mentor would've noticed my tendency to get into other people's business.  Sure my intentions were good - I wanted to "help" them to be that "better" more "capable" person that I imagined they could be.  When they had personal trouble, I tended to delve into their lives to "better" understand their situation, offer advise, and became involved in their work to "help" them along.  It seemed that I was hoping for a sort of co-dependent relationship where they valued my part in their "growth."

Once, a high-performing engineer, in my group, was going through a personal situation that was significantly affecting his work.  My efforts to intervene, with good intentions, were not working.  A wiser, and more experienced, manager called me out on my "coddling," intrusive, and "Christian like" intervention.  "You aren't helping him, you're enabling him to stay as he is and fail.  Hold him accountable for the results, be available if he needs support, and get out of his way."   The new approach worked and I changed my "management" style thereafter.  I adopted a pattern of giving each person the dignity; respect; needed-support; and freedom to fulfill their roles, responsibilities, and assignments.  The new management behaviors were good, reasonable, more natural, and better results followed.   Some were not successful and moved on to a job or organization that was a better fit.  

I wish I'd have adapted some of those principles within my personal life too.  I eventually did, yet it took years for me to habitually offer most people the dignity and respect to be the unique person that they were without my "good intentioned" interference.  I no longer concocted and pushed ways for them to be who I thought they "oughta" be.  I saw myself acting like a little god - ugh.

The only church in town would allow people to more honestly live out their lives starting with where they actually are.  Honest relationships would be available to help them work out their lives alongside other people above a foundation of truth. It seems to take people a lotta time to grow - much longer than you'd ever expected.  The only church in town would be a patient, honest, loving, and respectful environment where God's will may be witnessed.

Just for today...

"She is getting unconscious satisfaction from managing other people's lives, while she imagines her intentions are only good . . . Heaven protect me from my good friends who, with only the best intentions, keep the wounds of my resentment open, weaken me by their pity, an justify my complaints."  One Day at a Time (p. 256)

"Acceptance does not mean submission to a degrading situation. It means accepting the fact of a situation, then deciding what we will do about it . . . I will give myself time to accept my situation before I act." Courage to Change (p. 256)

"Cretan today; Pious tomorrow - Chameleon act; Deflated hope."   Am I Poet?

September 11th - Relationships worth the effort?

The story...

I obsessively thought about a family situation one day - it surprised me because I thought that I had victory over what some might call "stinking thinking."  I felt left out, marginalized, under-valued, and avoided - my concerns and interests ignored.  I began to imagine scenarios that were possible and built them into an imagined reality that made sense - I began to prepare and protect myself according to this new imagined reality.  It turns out, my obsessive thinking was unwarranted.  Two phone calls finally clarified the family behaviors according to a "truer" reality - I now better understood their perceptions and behaviors even though they seemed odd and a tad unreasonable to me.

Would life be better with improved family member relationships?  Yes, but it takes time and requires me to offer them the dignity and respect for being just as they are.  Is it possible to develop a relationship with them without the need to fix, manage, control, change or argue opinions with them?  Yes!

The only church in town will have people who'll perceive the same situation or scenario differently.  Better relationships will improve the situations yet they'll not prevent turmoil.  Might we let them be while still working on building our mutual relationships?  Might they grow in response to good supporting relationships?  Might we actually enjoy and appreciate each person as uniquely gifted?   Is relationship building more fulfilling then vain attempts to build up, promote, and protect ourselves?

Just for today...

"The word sarcasm comes from a Greek word meaning to tear flesh. 'Wouldn't I feel pretty cheap if I could hear myself being played back? Wouldn't it give me some idea of my part in the family troubles?'"  One Day at a Time (p. 255)

"...when the feeling comes up, I recognize it, share about it, accept that I felt it, and then set it aside. I no longer assume that it has validity . . . Today I will take one of my assumptions about myself and hold it up to the light. I may find that it stems from habit rather than reality." Courage to Change (p. 255)

" Ignored alone; Momma loved we -  Loved a girl; Why couldn't she?"
"Start with me?; Where to begin? - Loving me?; Deal with sin?"
"Honester and Truer; Hearts restore - Peacefully aligned; Christ The core."   Am I a Poet?

September 10th - "Fake it to make it" or "accept another's belief until it's real for you?"

The story...

We invited a new couple from church to our home for dinner.  After dinner, we were sitting out on the deck discussing some essentials of the Christian faith and contrasting that knowledge with the actual reality of a faith worked out - a real and working relationship with God and other people too.  Uncomfortably, I regretfully opened up the subject of "fake it to make it."  Clearly they were not attending this "new" church where some people were faking their Christian faith; yet, we acknowledged that trying on the Christian faith might be part of a process by which selves do work out a sort of death in preparation for beginning life as a new sort of creature in Christ.  They did move on to another church not long after our dinner discussion - my self focus likely drove me to think that "I" may have been "the" reason why.

Faking a belief that you hope is true, so that it might become real, seems wrong.  Wanting to believe what another person believes and therefore believing that they believe as a first step also seems wrong.  Yet, both of these paths might lead to a most wonderful outcome.

Will the only church in town instruct children to act in a manner that's in accordance with the will of God before they're saved - yes.  Will non-believers be accepted just as they are and be allowed to act out the role outwardly before they are changed internally - yes.  Ideally it'd be different but it often ain't.

Just for today...

"Gradually and together we built roots and a pair of wings so I could soar and feel connected at the same time. I borrowed her faith until I acquired my own."  Hope for Today (p. 254)

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster."  Friedrich Nietzsche

"Acted the part; Hoped it true - God took me; Born anew."   Am I a Poet?

September 9th - Where do I go if I don't need to?

The story...

As a retiree, I've time, resources and capabilities that are ready to go.  The big question is: where do I go if I don't need to go anywhere?  Here's an attempt to list decision criteria that I might use in no particular order.  Will doing it:

• benefit me in the future?
• help me feel better?
• give me something to be proud of?
• help relive my unwanted feelings?
• be with people I'm comfortable being around?
• make me more secure physically or financially?
• give me something to talk about?
• glorify and honor God and His Word?
• help me remember "better" times?
• fulfill my obligations, or promises, to other people?
• occupy my mind so that I won't be thinking, or dwelling on, negative thoughts?
• hurt me or diminish my capabilities?
• help me to love and be loved?
• teach me something new?
• fulfill a latent need or want?

Not surprisingly, only one was not primarily about me - it's highlighted in bold.  Personally, I want to walk through my life journey humbly and justly with God - Micah 6:8.  I say "yes" to a life with choices that leads to a productive and peaceful life where "we" might experience true joy, Romans 15:13.

The only church in town will offer power, peace, rest, and hope amidst all circumstances.  A respite where we might move our focus from ourselves to our Lord and Savior - a loving Father (Abba).

Just for today...

"Am I using my capabilities well? Do I recognize and appreciate all I have to be grateful for? Actually I am the possessor of unlimited resources."  One Day at a Time (p. 253)

"Does my face look calm? Don't be fooled. I'm just afraid to let you see the truth. You might think I'm foolish or weak. You might reject me. So I don't talk, and the pain remains." Courage to Change (p. 253)

"... I don't have to respond to the face of anger. I don't have to explain my motives to an irrational person." Hope for Today (p. 253)

"Respite please; Away from me - Dynamically us; Freely be."   Am I a Poet?

September 8th - "Believe that thou mayest understand."

The story...

One day I heard the good news of the gospel and believed.  Some great other worldly event happened that day - scripture says my name was written in The Book of Life.  Another day, I chose to fully trust God's Word and to drop the doubting inklings that held me back. Thereafter, I walked more closely with God in thought, prayer, quiet meditation, and in awe of His mysterious workings within my life.  I began to live a more thankful, curious, loving, honest, and expectant life.  I became a good character in the greatest story of all time - more rightly walking humbly with God.  Loving the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, and soul.  Loving myself more and my neighbor too - through the power of God.

Oxford site where Inklings met on Tuesday mornings

The only church in town would not leave new believers, of the Good News, as babes who can't yet chew the meat of God's revealed Word.  They'd share their knowledge, faith, actualities, and more humbly walk through life together with God by faith.

I continue to be in awe of the wonder of creation, life, this day, and this breath.  Please join me in praising God in thankfulness - fully trusting.

Just for today...

"What obstacles block me from tuning over my will and my life to God? In my case, the answer is obvious: I want guarantees. I hold out, thinking that I'll come up with a new solution to my problems even though I've tried and failed, again and again. The risk of faith seems too great. If I turn a situation over, I won't be in control. I can't be sure I'll get my way." Courage to Change (p. 252)

"If I bring sunshine into our home, it cannot fail to affect those in it."  One Day at a Time (p. 252)

“For understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore do not seek to understand in order to believe, but believe that thou mayest understand.”  Saint Augustine, Homilies on the Gospel of John, 29.6, vol. 7, (p. 184)

 "Suffering nights; Heard Him speak - Spirit leapt; Ain't weak."    Am I a Poet?

September 7th - Do you actually "know" the territory?

The story...

A preacher once shared a transformational story with me.  It went like this: He was traveling across country, with two other pastors, as they discussed the difference between people knowing about God and actually enjoying a close fruit-bearing relationship with Him.  He likened the situation to knowing all about London, his home town, yet never actually living or even visiting.  You could know the map or zoom in on Google map images in fine detail.  You may know about key historical events, learn their language, practice their customs, dress like them, and even cook the same food.  Yet, you'd never really know the territory - what it's like to "be" part of a particular London neighborhood.

Pastor Henry Hudson

Most of us have spent a lotta time in classrooms learning about things; memorizing facts; understanding how things relate to each other; and applying some.  We may even feel we've mastered a subject without actually stepping into the territory.  I hope this isn't where people leave their faith journey.

Scripture confirms that God provided a way for His creatures to enjoy an intimate relationship with Him.  The relationship can be so close that we may even refer to Him as daddy - "Abba Father."  Many people hear this truth, understand the possibility, and memorize the verses; yet, they haven't actually experienced the relationship.  

People attending the only church in town might reasonably expect to witness the power of God actually worked out through His people.  They'd hear about ongoing prayer and quiet meditation being a natural part of that relationship.  They'd experience actual fruit of: love, joy, peace, patience. goodness, kindness, gentleness and self control.  Those who walk more honest and humbly with God would more naturally live out the life they've been given.  Yes, the Body of Christ worked out in reality.  Each person witnessing and experiencing faith in God's Word worked out together.

Just for today...

"Eventually I felt more comfortable with my abilities and discovered talents I didn't know I had. I even began to feel capable of doing what was asked of me. Before I realized it, I was the one giving loving guidance. It took some time to see, but I had become a leader."  Hope for Today (p. 251)

"Eye followed; Across the bar - Led another; Went too far."
"Heard wrong;  Recalled fact -  True North; Dropped the act."    Am I a Poet?

September 6th - What's truly important?

The story...

What's really important today?  This blog doesn't contain many lists; yet, this seems like a good place for one.  Here's my plan for being the good man I want to be - in rank order:

1. Pray and be quiet with God - abide with Him.
2. Love the Lord my God and my neighbor as myself.
3. Be conscience of the Holy Spirit's work while remaining grounded in reality.
4. Eat, breathe, and care for my body.
5. Love my wife and grow together.
6. Be joyful, hopeful, peaceful, and bear His fruit - live like in a bountiful deep and calm sea.
7. Love, and receive love from, my church community - the body of Christ.
8. Build on key relationships more than they've naturally declined.
9. Show my neighbors they're respected and loved.
10. Blog within cycles of continuous learning aimed at becoming a better man in Christ.
11. Read to remember truth God's revealed - helps prevent ego from leading me astray.
12. Maintain and grow the assets that I'm entrusted with.

It's easy for me to see other people not acting out their age and life reality.  I hope that I continue to work out the phase of life that I'm actually in and don't cut my life story short.  I want to be a good character, within the epic story of life, who remains faithful to his Creator and Father.

I hope that I'll always remember that my story's only important when worked out within the will of God.  The Holy Spirit indwells me for His biding and I'll be resting in the hands of God after my body breathes it's last breath.  God's promised a new everlasting body designed for all eternity - we only know this through His revealed Word found in scripture.  I hope that each of us stays curious regarding spiritual reality.  Truly, our five senses witness spiritual realities it in a sort of veiled way but He gives His what we need. 

The only church in town would grow Christ ones who live for today, plan for tomorrow, and think on eternity.  They'd learn to live with eternal reality in mind as we journey on this orb for but a few seasons.  One day, our earth body will breath it's last and our spirit/soul will be carried home.

Just for today...

"...most people spend more time planning vacations than they do thinking about what is really important in their lives . . . Am I so busy with smaller, less meaningful concerns that I run out of time for the really important considerations?"  Courage to Change (p. 250)

"Perhaps I have felt a right and an obligation to set the standards for the family and compel those around me to live up to them . . . Teach me to leave to others their inborn right to dignity and independence, as I wish to have them leave to me."  One Day at a Time (p. 250)

"Focused on me; Lost my way - Heart went cold; Change today?"
"Agreed with God; Strong oak tree - Walking with Him; Abidingly free."   Am I a Poet?  

September 5th - Living in an imaginary reality?

The story...

I loved the idea of the Olympic Games and often imagined competing in my favorite event(s) - decathlon, downhill skiing, biathlon...  I'd be the victorious one who worked hard to overcome all problems and shortcomings to be the best.  "It would be soo... great to win."

It pained me to think that the wait was four years between events.  I do wonder whether the reality of the games was as good as I hoped it would be.  I never actually went to the games and the TV coverage was much more limited then.  Was I living in that imaginary world trying to fulfill latent needs?   I sure enjoyed following: Mark Spitz, Bruce Jenner, Edwin Moses, Eric Heiden, Usain Bolt, Bode Miller, Katie Ledecky...

Pride in Country and dreams of winning in the game of life seemed like positive character traits.  Did they compel me to want to be a better man?  If I couldn't reasonably win, I likely lived in a more imaginary world where I might.  Was I spending too much of my thought life in an imagined future versus living out the actual day(s) that were mine?

I expect that the only church in town would preach the Good News of how we can live out this life, and the one to follow, walking humbly and closer with God.  Imagining the future and reflecting on the past may be helpful; yet, they surely shouldn't supersede living out today's reality.  Today is where we can actually live out the miracle of life in the presence of God.

Just for today...

"I'd get so caught up in what I was going to do that I often wasn't aware of what I was doing now . . . I give thanks for the little joys in each day. I still make plans, but I don't let my thoughts erase the present. Anticipation is sweet, but not at the cost of today."  Hope for Today (p. 249)

"The true nature of my problems was my stubborn refusal to acknowledge feelings, to accept them, and to let them go. I have very little power over what feelings arise, but what I choose to do about them is my responsibility. Today I can accept my feelings, share about them with others, recognize they are feelings, not facts, and let them go."  Courage to Change (p. 249)

"Our greatest handicap is self-deception. We cannot recognize in ourselves the faults we criticize in others."  One Day at a Time (p. 249)

"May be; Oh so great - That'd be good; Must wait."
"Today's iffy; Why strive? - Big or little; I'm alive!"    Am I a Poet?

September 4th - Trying to control the uncontrollable?

The story...

What if we had one day per week where we didn't plan anything?   We could choose to: pray; listen; exercise; rest; care for us; or enjoy relationships.  We might: be flexible with our schedules; resist urges to engage in other's business; or live a more joyful, peaceful and hope-filled day.

Some of you might be thinking: "I'd like to choose like that but it's impossible - the other people in my life don't behave like that."  It's possible that a more fruitful life might spill over into the lives of others too - a sort of engine drawing others towards their own good stuff.

How might we better respond when we find ourselves working the opposite by "trying" to control our environment or interactions amongst others?   Do you tend to campaign, or argue, for your opinions to our detriment?  There's a better way.

Harvard Business Review - "How to stop worrying about what other people think."

The only church in town will communicate God's revealed will for creation and for you and me too.  You'll hear there that He'll work out His will with or without you.  He reveals enjoyment for His creatures and the good plans He has for all humanity.  His Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ, has paid for our trespasses that kept us apart from our holy Creator.  We can live a life walking "righteously" with Him -  it's far better than the losing battle where we "try" to glorify, or protect, ourselves.   Yes, we can be brought close to Him through faith and trust in His great redeeming work - true peace, rest, security, and thankfulness can be ours. 

Just for today...

"I was surprised to find myself still grabbing for old fears as if I wanted to remain in crisis. I realized that I didn't know how to feel safe unless I was mentally busy. When I worried, I felt involved - and therefore somewhat in control."  Courage to Change (p. 248)

"Some of us, after long enduring misfortunes we didn't know how to cope with, reached a breaking point. In our hopelessness we even felt rejected by God, so we never thought of turning to Him for help."  One Day at a Time (p. 248)

"Do you take note when others are sick and offer them the same attention you crave? . . . Let it begin with me."  Hope for Today (p. 248)

"Not seen; Eye caught - We saw; Life taught."   Am I a Poet?

September 3rd - Why not enjoy other people as they are?

The story...

I sat down at the table with only one person sitting there.  It seemed rude to squeeze in with my friends when this guy was by himself.  He seemed uncomfortable, with me sitting with him, yet appreciated the company.  Another guy sat with us too.  Neither of them seemed to want to listen to my take on the questions and topics posed to the group - they've heard me freely express my thoughts, ideas and will before.  So, I focused on better understanding each of them without stepping out to share my own perspectives which I've refined over the years.  The conversation was smooth and balanced - everybody seemed to win.  Better lifestyle practices were worked out - less opinionating, pontificating or recommending.  It felt good for my behavior and intentions to be more aligned; yes, I seemed to be more true to me and to the group too.  

Can we actually care for others rather than merely "trying?"  It seems easy to do but I expect even our most focused efforts would be less fruitful, and take much longer, than imagined.  Might we "actually" love our neighbors as ourselves?

Teddy Roosevelt - A really good listener

The only church in town will be a place to develop meaningful relationships to walk more honestly through life with.  Most importantly, our relationship with "That in Which There is No Greater."

Just for today...

"I realized that there was little I could change about the situation. All I could change was my response to it."  Hope for Today (p. 247)

"What am I doing that creates difficulties for me or aggravates the ones I have? Could it be that I'm trying to fix everything by finding fault with somebody else?"  One Day at a Time (p. 247)

"Strive to be patient; bear with the faults and frailties of others, for you, too, have many faults which others have to bear. If you cannot mould yourself as you would wish, how can you expect other people to be entirely to your liking? For we require other people to be perfect, but do not correct our own faults." Tomas Kempis - The Imitation of Christ (Ch. 16)

"I'm a itchen; Change you must - I'd still itch; We'd distrust."   Am I a Poet?

September 2nd - Engage in community already - growing together is real good.

The story...

We rode our bicycles to Grand Haven and participated in the Coast Guard parade.  We seemed to fit in with our bike clothes as we squeezed along the parade route.  There were so... many people who seemed to've planned to feel and do good that day.  You could see and feel expectations of happiness with their decorations, sandwiches, red-white-blue clothes, and generally happy, gabby and cheering natures - throngs of like-minded people.  They were excited by the bands, small-floats, old-guys on small Cushman scooters, small lollipops, clowns, Coast Guard helicopters roaring overhead, and being together.  A woman threw me a stack of t-shirts that I passed out and wore - I felt engaged within community.  I'm reexperiencing some of the joy and happiness as I recall the event.  Thank you Grand Haven - ya done real good!

I expected good and received that good along with the unexpected too.  I might've worried about how I'd be accepted by the group - possibly marginalized, or reexperiencing prior feelings of rejection.  The 44-mile bike ride had it's associated risks yet we accepted them.  What if the people I went with didn't want to do or go according to my will?  No, I was fully engaged in the "now," within community, and my self-focused will was virtually locked up - chained and left with the bikes next to that big tree.

Why not risk letting down your guard and living a kinder and more engaging life?  Be among people, interact, learn, grow and experience the giving and receiving of love - together.  As for me and my house, the only church in town is the place where the good stuff of life's available - 52 weeks per year.

Just for today...

"If I am expectant of good, it will surely come to me. Even the grace of courtesy gives rich immediate rewards in response . . . Concern, love and kindness on my part will be reflected in everything that takes place in my life." One Day at a Time (p. 246)

"Reaction zone; This I wonder - Hyper over; Hypo under."
"Receive more; React less - Workin together; We're best."   Am I a Poet?

September 1st - Self-Care

The story...

Should I put on my favorite old t-shirt or that button-downed-collared shirt?  Why take a shower if no one will notice?  Why put the books back on the book shelf?  I'll probably need them tomorrow.  Why cut my hair?  It looks okay.  Why vacuum the carpet weekly?  Who notices the difference?  Why not eat and entertain ourselves the way that we normally do?  Why study the bible?  Netflix has programming designed to entertain, teach, and satisfy and it'll give us something to talk about.

Do I take good care of myself?  Am I worth taking good care of myself?  Do I take good care of myself for me or to appease others?  Is it okay to love yourself and enjoy your life?  These are good questions and they seem to fall under the heading of self-care.  

Do I practice self-care first to develop a sense of love and value for me?  Or, do I focus on understanding, valuing, and loving me to open up my will for practicing self-care?

The only church in town will spread the good news that God's provided the way for you to be loved and safe within the hands of God.  You're valued and can enjoy an everlasting relationship with God in Christ.  God even says that the same Holy Spirit who raised Christ from the dead will reside within you as evidence of your saving faith.  By His shed blood our sins are forgiven - we can be right with holy God.  His resurrection proves He's both God and has the power to resurrect you with an everlasting life and new body too.  Man, that's good news.  Take good care of yourself - you're truly worth it.

Just for today...

"When our problems enclose us and saturate our thoughts, we find ourselves in an insolation that gives us an acute sense of loneliness . . . Dwelling on our troubles only shuts out a world that is waiting to be enjoyed."  One Day at a Time (p. 245)

"Known to know; Felt to feel - Cared to care; Loved real."   Am I a Poet?

August 31st - Are you looking for a friend or a pet?

The story...

Earlier in life, I had a difficult time maintaining friendships.  They took too much effort and I inevitably neglected the friendship - it'd sort of drift away.  I assumed that drifting and changing relationships were natural and sort of like the ebbs and flow of life.  I may've neglected them when they ceased to provide me what I wanted or the other person wasn't who I wanted them to be.  Maybe they disagreed with my opinions or had dissimilar interests.  We were different.  Was I looking for a friend or a pet?

Why didn't I tend to accept people as unique individuals and enjoy the differences?  Did I really need to have them agree with me in order for them and me to be okay together?  Were my behaviors learned from my family or did I develop them over time as a sort of personal protection?  I don't know why I behaved that way I did.  Today, I'm enjoying deeper relationships - relationships that may be characterized as mutually respectful, honest, growing, and walking together towards a common aim.

Good place to develop friendships.

The only church in town will be a "rich" field for growing fruitful relationships.  You'll find people to walk alongside as you work out purposeful lives together - fruit bearing lives - more meaningful and loving relationships.

Just for today...

"I will not expect too much; this will shield me from being annoyed at little things that don't go just the way I wanted them to."  One Day at a Time (p. 244)

"I have often tried to change other people to suit my own desires. I knew what I needed, and if those needs weren't met, the problem was with the other person. I was looking for somebody who would always be there but wouldn't impose on me very much. Looking back, It's almost as if I were looking for a pet rather than a human being."  Courage to Change (p. 244)

"Perhaps you should try believing that I believe."  Hope for Today (p. 244)

"Wanted a friend; Got a pet - In control; Faithlessly wet."   Am I a Poet?

August 30th - A pearl of wisdom: substitute "What if" with "Even if."

The story...

They asked me to participate in a group activity that was new to me - there was nothing particularly challenging or demanding on my part.  They didn't say what we'd actually be doing - they just said "give it a try, come along, it'll be fun."  How would it go?   I was a bit uneasy with the unknowns - there was no particular cause that I could put my finger on.  Maybe my discomfort came from my not knowing what to expect or subliminal fears of failure, rejection, or disrespect.

Who taught me to set expectations for future events and to evaluate them regarding how they either met or didn't meet my expectations?   Actually, a wise mentor helped me develop a practice of evaluating business' activities or projects - was it better, the same, or worse than I expected and why?  

"What if they treat me bad, what will I do?" may be substituted with "Even if they treat me bad, I'll be okay and true to who I am."  Setting "bad" expectations is different than expecting little and appreciating the good that's actually experienced - the former seems foolish and the later seems wiser.

The only church in town will offer opportunities to engage in the lives of other people within the body of Christ and the community at large too.  There the light of God's word can be learned - it shines on our hearts and activities to better see "what's going on."  What's going on includes sowing and reaping the good fruit of life.

Just for today...

"I will not expect too much; this will shield me from being annoyed at little things that don't go just the way I wanted them to."  One Day at a Time (p. 244)

"'Perhaps you could try believing that I believe,' I decided to to lean on _____ until I could develop some of my own."  Hope for Today (p. 244)

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them to fit our own image."    No man is an Island, Thomas Merton

"You're interesting; As you are - We're bigger; O'er the bar."   Am I a Poet?

August 29th - Expect little and be thankful for what you receive or what?

The story...

I was asked to help mentor a young man within a mentoring group of eight guys and eight adults.  We performed fun games where there were a win-lose components.  The leader asked that each boy rate their performance on three dimensions.  The first was how they did internally - "was I positive and truly engaged on the inside?"  The second was how they did externally - "did I work well with the others during the game?"  And third - "what was the actual score?"  I was surprised how each of the students contemplated as they assessed each dimension of their performance - they all seemed to truly get it.

Many of my disappointments have come from expecting too much.  And, many of my life victories have occurred, in part, by planning for the best.  How do I reconcile this tension between the two?  It's like a tug-of-war with each side pulling - much tension.  Expect little or plan for the best and don't willingly accept failure?  Might we drop the rope and allow both to co-mingle and exist together.  Is life a win-lose battle in three dimensions: Internally, Externally, and the actual score?

Hope College: 119th annual Pull

I hope that the only church in town isn't a competitive environment where each and all are trying to win in the game of life.  One team pulling together against the other team(s)?  I hope not - this doesn't seem like the character of God as exhibited in the life of our Lord Jesus the Christ.  I expect that He plans for us to abide in Christ and bear fruit in all circumstances - together as the full-functioning Body of Christ - unity.  We need each other and for the Spirit of God to work out His will within each of us too.  We were created by God to be productive, enjoyed and loved too.

Just for today...

"How many of our frustrations and disappointments come from expecting too much! . . . Let me learn to settle for less than I wish were possible, and be willing to accept it and appreciate it. I will not expect too much of anyone, not even myself."  One Day at a Time (p. 242)

"Life can either be a burden and a chore or a challenge and a joy. One day at a time I can meet the challenges of life head-on instead of head-down."  Courage to Change (p. 242)

"I stopped trying to help her take care of herself, which also stopped the fights we had. I put the focus on myself, realizing that in my disease I didn't know where my mother ended and I began. Finding out who I was, apart from my mother, was my first challenge . . . Today my mother and I have an honest and loving relationship based on mutual respect for each other's boundaries. When we speak, I keep the focus on myself and share my experience, strength, and hope rather than telling her what to do."  Hope for Today (p. 242)

"See the grass; Bug and tree - Stars and Galaxies; Point to Thee."    Am I a Poet

August 28th - Who are you?

The story...

The following chorus is from The Who's song "Who Are You."

Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

I really want to know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

Tell me who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

Because I really want to know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

A friend of mine surprisingly told me that they didn't grow up with likes or dislikes.  They didn't have a favorite color.  They hid in the shadows and got by - didn't feel valued. They're learning to know and care for who they are at a later stage of life.

My favorite: color was blue; number was 24; football team was the Iowa Hawkeyes; baseball team was the St. Louis Cardinals; olympic event(s) was the Decathlon; candy bar was the Butterfinger; and book was "Brighty of the Grand Canyon."

Bought my favorite book at Stuart School.

What will the only church in town preach regarding who you are?  You're a creature, created by God in His image for His glory - to praise Him and enjoy each other within a relationship based on faith in His revealed Word and great redemptive work.  The good news is that God provides the way for us, inherently selfish people, to walk humbly with God in Christ - through this life and throughout eternity too.  That's the best possible news - really good.  That's who I am!  With Him in Christ!

Just for today...

"As I grew up it seemed that my parents couldn't see me at all. I felt invisible and voiceless. I had no ideas of my likes and dislikes, let alone what I would or would not accept in a relationship. I felt empty inside."  Hope for Today (p. 241)

"Say and do; Pain ensue - Lonely drifter; Garner few."
"Creator planned; You and me - Life lit; We see!"
"Abide now; Hope and joy- His power; Real good boy."     Am I a Poet?

August 27th - DETATCHMENT

The story...

It was a hard and long process for me to form boy-girl relationships and they were even harder and longer to end.  Maybe I was expecting a level of love and attachment that wasn't reasonable or good for either of us.  How did I set expectations for my "true love" relationship?  I don't know the answer.  It's possible that they were good for an ideal world; yet, this world, and the people who work out their lives here, aren't ideal.

Do I need your help and approval in order to be okay?  If I say yes, then my level of "okayness" is tied to your "okayness" with both you and me - ugh.  If I say no, then I have the possibility of being okay with me and freeing you to be okay too.  Might we offer others the freedom and dignity to live out their own lives?

A helpful model came to me from Donald Miller's book "Scary Close," (pp. 206,207).  He illustrates a relationship with three floor pillows: my pillow, our relationship pillow, and your pillow.  The only person who steps on your pillow is you - your soul - same for my pillow.  Both of you can step on the middle pillow because you agreed to be in a relationship.

"Codependency happens when too much of your sense of validation or security comes from somebody else . . . What goes on in the other person's soul is none of your business. All you're responsible for is your soul, nobody else's. Regarding the middle pillow, the question is, 'What do I want in a relationship?' . . . What's going on in other people's minds is none of your business."

"Scary Close." My original reader notes

What would the only church in town look like if they focused on: the gospel; spirit/Spirit relationships; learning and living together; and not on changing other people's minds?  Might they actually work out their own  right relationship with God, in Christ, versus attempting to change other's minds related to the theology that "we" believe in?

Just for today...

"I wasn't really admitting my powerlessness or I wouldn't keep trying to control everyone or everything around me . . . Not my will but Your will."  Courage to Change (p. 240)

"...my skill in detaching rested on my ability to accept my own thoughts and feelings and to become comfortable with myself . . . Because my fate - my very life - was no longer tied directly to theirs, I was able to accept them for who they were and to listen to their ideas and concerns without trying to exercise control."  Hope for Today (p. 240)

"We are free to refuse to be hurt by a spiteful remark or malicious action. So the whole matter really rests with us. The choice of accepting or rejecting an offense is ours alone . . . What can words do to me unless I take them to heart?"  One Day at a Time (p. 240)

 "Body buried; Spirit raised - Where's the key; We or me?"    Am I a Poet?