August 8th - If self-defeating behaviors go away, what will take their place?

The story...

When I was a kid, mosquito bites would swell up and itch like crazy.  And, I'd itch them like crazy.  My mom would say, "Stop doing that, it'll just make it worse."  Truly they did get worse the more I scratched them.  My focus on the mosquito bites, and that satisfying relief from scratching, distracted me from living more fully in the present.

It's not hard to imagine that our known sins are kind of like itches that come alive when we scratch the hell out of them.  It feels good, but not for long.  The scratching seems almost involuntary and necessary for our well being or survival.

What's it like on the other side of life if we resist the urge to scratch our itches and become more self-aware in the present?  Is a life like that better, doable, and sustainable?

The only church in town would preach that your old-sinful nature is going to scratch itches no matter how hard you try to stop 'em.  Like whac-a-mole, a new one will just pop up and take the other's place.  And, you'll likely find a bit of pride too in your efforts to be good: "What a good boy am I!"

Cat Whac-a-Mole

The only church in town will preach the unmeasurable value of living out a loving relationship with the Lord your God through the atonement that only He can provide - GRACE.  Each of our relationships with God, is the source of the lasting good life.  Why not trust God and walk humbly with Him today?  He created us the way we are and enjoys us - even those rebellious rascals like me.  I won't willingly go back to that old Whac-a-Mole life.  I'm so thankful that God restores our relationship continuously in a real loving relationship - He seems to be molding me into the better man He created me to BE.

Just for today...

"My great fear is this:  If I shed many characteristics that stand in my way, what will be left? . . . The desire to grow and heal has brought me to this uncomfortable point, because I am tired of the way I have been . . . I can take all the time I need."  Courage to Change (p. 221)

May 30th - Does it Seem Wrong to Be Kind to Yourself?

The story...

Are there good guys and bad guys in life?  Or, are we all under the curse of sin and death - bad guys?

I recently met a really good person who remembers only a few times when she rebelled against authority and acted out badly.  She seems compliant and appears to genuinely care for and love other people.  I've met other people who seem rebellious by nature and challenge most direction and attempts to control them - started as a baby and never stopped.  Personally, I tend to fall on the rebellious side of the continuum. 

On May 7, 1931, the most sensational manhunt New York City had ever known had come to its climax.

After weeks of search, "Two Gun" Crowley - the killer, the gunman who didn't smoke or drink - was at bay, trapped in his sweetheart's apartment on West End Avenue. One hundred and fifty policemen and detectives laid siege to his top floor hideaway. They chopped holes in the roof; they tried to smoke out Crowley, the "cop killer," with teargas. Then they mounted their machine guns on surrounding buildings, and for more than an hour one of New York's fine residential areas reverberated with the crack of pistol fire and the rut-tat-tat of machine guns. Crowley, crouching behind an over-stuffed chair, fired incessantly at the police. Ten thousand excited people watched the battle. Nothing like it ever been seen before on the sidewalks of New York.

When Crowley was captured, Police Commissioner E. P. Mulrooney declared that the two-gun desperado was one of the most dangerous criminals ever encountered in the history of New York.

"He will kill," said the Commissioner, "at the drop of a feather." But how did "Two Gun" Crowley regard himself? We know, because while the police were firing into his apartment, he wrote a letter addressed "To whom it may concern, " And, as he wrote, the blood flowing from his wounds left a crimson trail on the paper. In this letter Crowley said: "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one - one that would do nobody any harm. "

A short time before this, Crowley had been having a necking party with his girl friend on a country road out on Long Island. Suddenly a policeman walked up to the car and said: "Let me see your license." Without saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cut the policeman down with a shower of lead. As the dying officer fell, Crowley leaped out of the car, grabbed the officer's revolver, and fired another bullet into the prostrate body. And that was the killer who said: "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one - one that would do nobody any harm. '

 How to Win Friends And Influence People, Dale Carnegie

Scripture says that all men and women are unholy and separated from our Holy Creator by our selfish nature and the sin that oozes out.   We would all remain separate from God during this life and throughout eternity unless God alone redeemed and reconciled us.  Humans can enter their most important relationship with Him solely based on being identified with Christ and the atoning work He performed through His death and resurrection.  He did the heavy lifting and died for our sin - He paid our debt.  Yes, we can be holy in the site of God in Christ.

Do I have to beat myself up for not being consistently good?  No.  I can walk each day loving God and my neighbor as myself based solely on the great work that God's done on my behalf.  Wow, I can truly rest in the goodness of God.  I can be kind to myself just as I am - praise God.

How would the only church in town accept a rebellious man within their congregation?  I expect that they'd start with acknowledging that they're all somewhere on the rebellion-compliance continuum and that they all need the gift of God's grace daily.

Just for today...

"If I am hard on myself, I can stop and remember that I deserve gentleness and understanding from myself.  Being human is not a character defect!  Today I will be gentle with my humanness."  Courage to Change (p. 151)

May 24th - Shine the Light on Gossip

The story...

As a manager, I felt the need to "help" others find a solution to their problems and improve along the way.  When attempting to "fix" their problem, I sometimes mentioned another person's similar situation and retold how the other person worked through a solution that might apply in this situation.  I "did this" to a friend who worked for me and he later returned with the following helpful feedback:  "When you told me the story about my co-workers, I realized that you might say similar stories about me.  I lost trust in you - don't expect me to share much with you in the future."  The feedback was valuable yet it hurt - my behavior damaged a relationship and I had to admit that I was sharing gossip - ugh. 

I did this

I could've been a better listener and asked questions that might've helped the other person work out their own solutions.  The idea might've been indirectly brought into conversation without referencing another person.  This is a more respectful approach that'd likely improve the prospects of lasting personal improvement too.

Does this diabolical urge to fix, manage, and control other people somehow link with the pride of life and the "itch" to gossip?  It's all bad.  I wish I'd have shown every co-worker enough respect to never say anything about them that I'd not have said if they were present in the room. 

Gossip will be part of the only church in town - it's made up of real people.  People will feel hurt when a confidential matter's disclosed in public - reputations tarnished.  Trust is broken and the community begins to rust.  Gossiping is a harmful sin that points to a bad heart.  The Apostle Paul spoke to it directly:  Romans 1:29; 2 Corinthians 12:20; 1 Timothy 5:13; and 2 Thessalonians 3:11.  Within the only church in town, the preacher would speak God's revealed word before the community to shine "light" on gossip and expose sin's corroding effects.

Just for today...

"I will no longer hold a conversation about someone who isn't physically present in the room . . . Now we discuss our feelings about subjects applying only to us . . . Refraining from gossip and criticism keeps me focused on myself, and firmly established in reality."  Hope for Today (p. 145)

Seek God's will:  "Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire; the other is to get it."  Socrates