July 17th - Staying okay within healthy boundaries

The story...

Our dog buddy was old and sick.  We loved him.  We took him to the vet and they confirmed that his life was ending.  I held him while he breathed his last.  My eyes are watering as I recall those moments.  I wasn't okay - the reality of death stinks.  It shouldn't be that way, but it was.

If I can't be okay unless all those who I care about are okay then I'll never be okay.  Surely, its logical that the best way for me to be helpful for others is to come from a place of strength, peace, and "okayness."  

What does it take to be okay?  Maybe its being honest about my past, present, and future - more humble.  Maybe it takes working on meaningful relationships while allowing the other person(s) to be truthful and okay as they are.  "Okayness" that isn't based on reality seems fragile and temporary at best.

Funerals shine a big light on the reality of this game of life.  If your saving faith in God's provision for your today, and eternity, is weak then it takes a bit of pretending to be okay.  The only church in town will mourn at the death of one of their own yet the funeral will profess their reason for hope and "okayness."  Yes, I'm okay in Christ - God said so, I believe so, and I'll walk today in that reality.  It could've been different but it isn't.

Just for today...

"Because my fate - my very life - was no longer tied directly to theirs, I was able to accept them for who they were and to listen to their ideas and concerns without trying to exercise control."  Courage to Change (p. 199)

"Though I was attempting in good faith to arrive at an agreeable solution, I was repeatedly met with sarcasm.  After a time I said that if the sarcasm persisted, I would not participate any further . . . I gained respect from the other person when I matched my intentions with my actions."  Hope for Today (p. 199)

July 16th - EGO maintenance or replacement?

The story...

A Human Resources representative delivered a 360 degree performance evaluation to me and summarized the feedback that she received with one phrase: "It's all about you."  I appreciated the honest feedback yet it stung.  Sure I talk about me and what I'm interested in most.  Who else's ideas could I share?  Okay, I didn't know the names of my work-group's family members - why is that a problem?  I'm a story teller, who else's stories can I tell?  The feedback was valuable and I never forgot it.  It took effort and courage to develop and deliver that feedback to me - I'm extremely grateful that she succinctly delivered the feedback in a manner that I received it.  My self awareness grew much that day.

So, my ego is that part of my conscience mind which I consider myself.  It's who I'm referring to when I use the word "I."  Is it a worthy endeavor to better understand and value my ego?  When does self-awareness and development turn that nasty corner toward narcissism?   Am, I lovable as I am?  Can I love me without being consumed by self-love and falling into loneliness and despair?  What's a healthy level of self-esteem?

My favorite verse of the bible is a wish that the Apostle Paul sends to a congregation of people in Rome whom he'd never met.  I wish the same thing for me and for you too.  

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13 NASB

The "selves" who walk into the only church in town would find what they're looking for in a right relationship with God and His community.  There they may find that healthy ego that enables a person to live a more satisfying, joyful, peaceful, and fruitful life.  Hopefully they'll witness, meet, and walk with people who're trusting God.

Why is it so hard for a man to bend his knee and trust in God and His provision for the "good" life?  Why is faith in God and His Word soo... elusive for most people?  The self seems to rebel against this threat to it's supreme authority and preeminence.  It's almost like our old self is trying to save itself from being transformed from that caterpillar to the butterfly.

Just for today...

"Maturity is the capacity to withstand ego-destroying experiences, and not lose one's perspective in the ego-building experiences."  Robert K. Greenleaf

“Despair is the absolute extreme of self-love. It is reached when a person deliberately turns his back on all help from anyone else in order to taste the rotten luxury of knowing himself to be lost.”  Thomas Merton

July 15th - Honest or Complacent?

The story...

In general, most people, who know me, would characterize me as being an honest person; however, how I've worked out my "honesty" has changed throughout my life.  We all know that you don't share a poor opinion regarding the beauty of a mother's new baby.  When your spouse comes home with a radically different haircut, you don't question the sound logic of making the change or openly evaluate the "look" as being worse.  Yet, what do you say when the king's not wearing pants yet the whole community pretends to ignore the obvious truth?

Hans Christian Andersen, 1837

The opinions we form, value and defend might be part of this dilemma.  The need to think like the group to remain accepted or valued might be part of the problem.  The continual quest to be and think like the "best" might be part of the problem.  Working out our life as a sort of "random walk" might be part of the problem.  Staying complacent and sticking with, and self-justifying, our current way of behaving is likely part of the problem.

Maybe the solution contains a code of values, principles, or core tenets regarding how we live our life which don't change.  Yet, even if the code we live by is sound, how do we relate with others whose code is different, changing, or directly opposed to ours?  I expect that the answer will likely include demonstrating and expressing dignity and respect toward all humans no matter where they currently are within their life journey.  We'll all likely grow together as we express love towards each other, let our guards down some, and begin to better understand each other within closer relationships.

The only church in town will focus on the truth of God's revealed Word and extend grace to others as Christ has extended to those who trust in Him.  Honesty is an important part of every relationship.  Are you rightly related to God through Christ?

Just for today...

"Complacency simply means being sure we're right, taking it for granted that our view couldn't possibly be wrong. It means judging others by what we think is right. It blocks out understanding and kindness, and justifies qualities in ourselves that we wouldn't find tolerable in other people."  One Day at a Time (p. 197)

July 14th - Do ya really want to react like Quick Draw McGraw?

The story...

I'm standing between the elevators on the sixth floor of Knapp Hall, Murray House, in an angry confrontation with another college student.  There are about a dozen other fellow students watching this play out - it looked like it was about to come to blows.  Strangely, and in a mocking way, I say "I still love you ..."  I was shocked to see his resistance instantly melt with him apologizing for his side of the offense.  I stood there dumbfounded by what just occurred.

Oh... the things that offended me as a child, adolescent, adult and yesterday.  Sometimes I: reacted quickly, paused before reacting, let it stew, tried to ignore it, discredited the sender, imagined it never happened, continually resented, or even privately forgave. Was it possible to show empathy towards the sender?  Might I have ignored the initial sense of unfairness and sought to understand first?  Might this "fire hose" of emotions been a signal of an interpersonal problem that had to be addressed for the relationship to continue or grow?

"Now hold on there!" 1951 - 1962

Surely, there're relationships that can be detrimental to one or both parties and need to be diminished. Yet, even these "breakups" will likely best work out under the umbrella of respect.

The only church in town will be bathed in grace and forgiveness.  Each person makes a reasonable series of choices that leads them to the point of confrontation.  "What's love got to do with it?"  He forgives all sins in Christ and restores relationships with repentant sinners who walk humbly with Him.  There's no better place to be found than in Christ - "I'm with Him!"

Just for today...

"Making amends has helped me to put the past behind me and move on with a clear conscience.  My self-esteem has grown ever since, and I feel much better about myself."  Courage to Change (p. 196)

"Its not easy to restrain ourselves from reacting to what others do that seems to affect us.  A healthy detachment brings about the very changes we were powerless to make by continually fighting the problem."  One Day at a Time (p. 196)

July 13th - Living in the reality of the "present."

The story...

I remember feeling lonely in August long ago - the hopes and dreams of activities, growth, happiness, and good relationships didn't happen as I hoped.  Sadly, I remember thinking, "well, the summer is over for everybody else too" - it didn't make any difference whether my summer was good or bad.

Sunflower in August

If my current-self could sit down with my old-self, what would I share with him to give him a "jump start" on life?   How might I help him heal the wounds in my old-self's heart?  Sadly, I don't know what I'd say; yet, I believe that I'd express my sincere love for him.  How would he sense and know that love?

Was there a person, who I now know, who knew a better answer to the secrets of a good life?  Was there a book that I could've shared with him?  Might I've shared with him the good stuff that actually would occur in his life?  Should I've told him to invest all of his money into ownership shares of Microsoft so that he would be "all set?"

The good that's come to me was centered on living in the present with a right relationship with God in Christ.  It's good to love God, love myself as He does, and more naturally love other people too.  I imagine a good life kinda looking like that really big sunflower.  Hmm, maybe I'd take my old self to see a field of really big sunflowers and share the reality of my most precious relationship?

The only church in town would be a safe place for that younger version of me to be introduced to the love of God worked out through people with skin on them - those who're still in the world of the living.   A place where true joy and happiness can be found living in the present.

Just for today...

"How many days of my life have I wasted? . . . I rejected overtures of friendship from co-workers so that I could fret, uninterrupted about what was bothering me . . . When my worries and sorrows cloak me, the laughter and sunshine of the everyday world seem inappropriate to the way I feel.  Who is out of sync - the rest of the world or me? . . . Today I will live in the present and find what I can enjoy there."  Courage to Change (p. 195)

July 12th - Life relationships

The story...

The people I normally congregate with planned a different kind of event where we would spend a full Saturday together - all together on a big bus.  I invited two of my long-term friends to go with us - one said yes and the other said yes only because of the first friend's enthusiasm to go. 

Not the bus we went on yet it looks "fun."

It seemed that after about eight hours the initial anxieties and awkwardness of being in a group melted away and it also seemed that we felt a bit more rested and content together.   On the way home, the person who was reluctant to go sat across the table from me eating the largest Arby's roast beef.  They shared that the event was much better than they expected and they were glad that they came; but, he had one question.  I had introduced him to a person within the group whom I described as a best friend who I often shared ideas, questions, learnings, concerns, and spiritual life realities with.  So, what was his question?  "Have you ever shared bad stuff about me with him?"   

I paused as I reflected on the question.  I was surprised that I actually had no "bad stuff "that I knew about my friend.  And, I had no bad feelings or thoughts about any other person either.  At least at that moment, I truly did feel acceptance and respect for all people just as they were.   I was able to truthfully say to him: "Actually, I don't have bad thoughts about anybody and certainly not you.  No, I didn't share bad stuff about you."  He replied: "That's good."

Within the only church in town, people would find compassion for all, just the way they are.  They would learn about the reality of who they are in Christ.  They would be able to love God and themselves too.   That's a source of strength where we can truly have compassion for everybody.  Praise God in Christ - "grace, grace, wonderful grace."

Just for today...

"The more scared I was the more I tried to control.  Fear reared its ugly head particularly in my belief that I wasn't good enough or smart enough to have joyful, trusting and intimate relationships.  Instead of allowing myself to connect with others, I would often avoid them."  Hope for Today (p. 194)

"I can focus on myself and still be a loving, caring person . . . Encouraging and being kind to others is one way of being good to myself, and I don't have to sacrifice myself in the process . . . Today I will offer support for those I love and still take care of myself."  Courage to Change (p. 194)

"If you would be loved, love, and be loveable."  Benjamin Franklin

July 11th - Even if...

The story...

I regret the times that my emotions got the better of me and I reacted quickly by lashing out at other people.  I treated my band director with public disrespect, I hit one fellow student in the face with a textbook, I threw an ice-cream boat in the face of another, I went on two different long tirades condemning people for their wrongs toward someone I cared deeply for, I yelled at a co-worker in the middle of the office...   I might have let them be and focused on my role in the situation - actually being a better character in the story of life.  I wish these events didn't happen but they did.

Gary has to answer the question "whose your daddy?"  It's not hard to imagine the emotions that're swirling around Gary's head.  Yet, he suppresses those emotions and begins a path that stretches and grows him towards a bigger and better life.  Gary's friend "Dean Martin" stands firm and refuses to grow - he misses out.

"Whose your daddy Gary?"

Will I be okay today even if this or that happens?  Will I treat others with love and respect even if they...?  Am I okay no matter what?  

I'll have emotional responses to the hard happenings that come my way; yet, I can choose how I respond or react.  It does take practice to delay my response from those emotional triggers.  Some say that feelings last no more than 90 seconds yet we can keep restimulating them with our thought patterns.  Oh... the perils of obsessive thinking.

The only church in town will witness each person growing throughout their lives.  I hope that the people will actually "be" who they are in Christ rather than "try" to be good people.  The heat of the battles of life seem to expose who we are.  The Sprit of God and an ongoing relationship with God transforms people.

Just for today...

Why not trade the worrisome thoughts of "what if" with "even if?"

"When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred."  Thomas Jefferson

July 10th - Curious George

The story...

Curious George was my favorite character from the books I read as a  young boy.  I was surprised and sad when the librarian told me that I'd read the whole series.  There were no more Curious George books to read - "no, that can't be!"  George was true to his nature, as a monkey, but loved and respected the man in the yellow hat who often saved him from the troubles that he encountered, within the world, as he ventured forth.  George wondered what if..., or where might..., or how does..., or who is..., or what will that do?  George pushed the limits and experienced a more full and adventurous life - he didn't "play it safe."

The book series was likely popular because people want to experience a "bigger" life yet they play it safe to avoid risks of failure, rejection, injury...  Yet, playing it safe often results in a more isolated, smaller, anxious, and lonely self.  I'm thankful for every close relationship and new experience that helped stretch the boundaries of life.  Yes, when I'm okay with myself, I'm more free to enjoy other people just as they are.  Wow, what a neat thing to be truly interested in the lives of the other pilgrims who're traveling on alongside me.  

I wonder what will happen today, who I will meet, or how the Lord will work His way through the lives of those who are His. Yes, thankfully I'm a curious sort.

The only church in town would include many who greatly value their relationships. The source of their willingness to be curious will be the peace they currently enjoy in God through Christ - they risk experiencing love with a strong sense that they're okay.  A best relationship may serve as a foundation for taking our eyes off ourselves and truly, and more honestly, toward others.

Just for today...

"I won't let old, limiting ideas and doubts go unchallenged.  I may discover strengths and talents that never had the chance to come to light."  Courage to Change (p. 192)

"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours."  Richard Bach.

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their mind to be."  Abraham Lincoln

July 9th - Is denying reality a reasonable coping skill?

The story...

The orthopedic surgeon showed me an MRI picture of my spine - the source of my misery.  Yes, there was a surgical method to control or "fix" the problem.  To help put the surgery choice in perspective he showed me an MRI image of an old woman's spine that looked like a stack of crumbled bones - she lived pain free.  How did she live without pain?  She was a peaceful woman whose back muscles were relaxed.  If she tensed her strong back muscles around those crumbled bones then she surely could've produced pain and all the anxieties that go along with it.

I chose the surgery option and it was successful.  For a season, I experienced relief from the pain caused from my back muscle tension around my crumbling spine and that bundle of nerves.  My current reality is less restrictive and enjoyable then my past reality with the Spondylolisthesis.  I'm glad I faced the reality of my situation and chose what seemed to be the best option.  There were many who offered their do-nothing opinion based on the fearful consequences and peril that my surgery decision might mean.

Within the only church in town, attenders will witness those who live a peaceful life throughout the inevitable circumstances of each stage of life.  They will hear about and witness real and fruitful relationships with God and people who seem to love themselves and their neighbors too.  That's eternal truth and reality revealed by God in scripture.  No, He didn't create this world and life and leave us alone.

A dishonest life? .. Sleepless in Seattle

Just for today...

"What kind of stuff is self-pity made of, that it can entrench in my mind and keep me miserable? . . . Self pity comes from concentrating on the negative aspects of life. . . To expect life to be tailored to our specifications is to invite frustration."  One Day at a Time (p. 191)

"... many of us coped with an ever-changing situation in which our sense of reality changed from one minute to the next . . . we were devastated because reality didn't go away just because it was ignored.  Our lives will remain unmanageable  as long as we pretend that only half of the truth is real . . .  I can't cope with something unless I acknowledge its reality."  Courage to Change (p. 191)

July 8th - Life is lived breath by breath...

The story...

In accounting, assets need to balance liabilities with a net sum of zero - life ain't that way.  If I want a particular outcome, or series of events, then I'll always be disappointed.  Yet, if I live in the present and value my relationships; then, my assets can be huge and my liabilities mere needs that can be fulfilled by the grace of God and love extended from others.

The only church in town would be a place where people meet neighbors who are thankful for life and every breath they breathe in the present.  Yes, life is a gift lived out in the present.

A breath of life recorded

I wonder if we'll breathe in eternity?  Will there be darkness when the "Light" is there?

Just for today...

"A great deal can be learned as a result of painful circumstances, but they are not my only teachers. I live in a world of wonders. Today I will pay attention to their gentle wisdom."  Courage to Change (p. 190)

"In those who are still bound to their unhappiness, we hear, beyond their words, angry judgments of the . . . , self pity, and a grim determination to 'win the battle,' no matter what."  One Day at a Time (p. 190)

July 7th - Does an Unwanted Opinion Rust Relationships?

The story...

A good friend recently hurt a joint while performing a new activity where they've found fun, new friends, and success too - the good fit they were looking for.  So, they're ignoring the pain and wanting to believe an alternate reality that allows them to continue on this new path towards happiness.  They know the right thing to do yet they don't want to accept it.   Advice to take a pause, or even see a doctor, may be viewed as unwanted criticism.

I actually did treat them like a neighbor and listened with the intent of understanding where they were at.  Yes, I used reflective listening and empathized with their situation.  They did reach, what seems like, a good conclusion and our relationship seemed to be bolstered too.

It's been a great joy to care for other people without even offering a hint of opinion related to how they might best work out their lives.  This seems to be an ingredient for better understanding others and real personal growth too.

Yes, the only church in town will be a place where your neighbors congregate.  More loving relationships with self, neighbors and our God in Christ.

Trader Joes - where neighbors meet up?

Just for today...

"Obsessively reviewing everyone's behavior focuses my attention where it doesn't belong . . . I can consider the part I played . . . Instead of wringing my hands and pointing my finger, I can consider the possibility that everything is happening exactly as it should."  Courage to Change (p. 189)

"To withdraw from an argument may not make you the winner, but what you have saved is your own dignity and grace."  One Day at a Time (p.189)

July 6th - Do you fear letting God lead?

The story...

Two men walk into a room and find a huge pile of dung in the middle of the room.  The first guy frowns and says "this is awful, who did this, and who's going to clean it up?"   The second guy's smiling and says "there must be a pony in here somewhere."

I think that I'm generally optimistic and recognize that what appears to be bad often has an unexpected upside.  Yet, some people grew up in situations where "bad" stuff was the norm and their life was marked with fear, distrust, and the need to fix, manage, and control other people and most situations.

It seems right for people to want to fix, manage, and control their lives in order to increase the likelihood of a "best" possible outcome.  Yet, people in the only church in town will hear about trusting God.  It seems scary to be out of control.  What would a life surrendered to God look like?  Might it be like a coordinated ballroom dance where God is the lead?  You can imagine what an out-of-synch dance looks like when both try to lead.  Wouldn't it be nice to rest and let God do the leading? 

The only church in town would be more peaceful than fearful.  Those who try to fix, manage, and control their lives, and others too, might witness the life dance of some who trust God to lead.  People who grew in the actualities of trusting and walking humbly with God together.  He is trustworthy.

Just for today...

"Disappointments growing up with . . . fueled my expectations that bad things would always happen.  I came to expect the worst, leading to a deep fear that permeated my will and my life."  Hope for Today (p. 188)

"Today I seek to be an instrument of the peace of God.  I know that it is the most loving and generous commitment I can possibly make - to myself."  Courage to Change (p. 188)

"I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give." John 14:27 NLT

July 5th - Detach with Love and Let'em Live

The story...

I was a manager who assigned an important project to a person who worked for me.  So, I stopped by his office multiple times to check on how well it was going and to offer help.  He later stopped in my office and told me that it bothered him when I checked on his work so much.  It seemed to him, that I was showing that I didn't trust him or his capability to complete the project without my help - my "checkups" made him anxious.

I was surprised by his feedback yet couldn't doubt its authenticity.  I could have disregarded the feedback by discrediting the sender; yet, he was a good man.  Over time, I did change the way I worked with people within my work groups.  Yet, I didn't apply the principle too well to other areas of my life.  I was beginning to learn the value of detachment and to trust others with their own lives - to treat them more fully with dignity and respect.  

Today, I rarely have an opinion regarding what another person should do with their lives.  I enjoy understanding others more and have developed more meaningful and less guarded relationships with others.  It seems that my life is more influential as I walk side-by-side others rather than giving them unwanted advice.  Might unwanted advice be disguised criticism?

Co-dependent or Independents within Community?

Within the only church in town, would others have opinions regarding how I ought to live out my own life?  They can't possibly know my heart or God's will for my life.  They'd know and share what God's revealed regarding Who He is, who we are as His creatures, and how we might humbly and honestly walk with Him.  I hope that the people would be vulnerable and feel safe enough to share the reality of their faith worked out in the actualities of their lives.  Yet, God's timing and His will for each person's life remains hidden until it's worked out between God and each person.  

Why not live and let live?  Can you trust them with their lives?

Just for today...

"... detachment is the freedom to own what is mine and to allow others to own what is theirs. . . I can detach and still love, still feel."  Courage for Change (p. 187)

July 4th - I wonder if somebody will sit next to me?

The story...

I sat next to a woman on a train to Milwaukee yesterday.  Unexpectedly, we shared much of the important parts of our lives.  Kristen let me know that she had her eye removed with hopes of eradicating the cancer in her body yet she recently discovered that the cancer is now in her liver - there's no known cure for that type of cancer.  She's participating in a sort of holistic program to extend her life with the hope that a new, yet unknown solution, might materialize.

She was a positive person with much support in her life.   We discussed living in 3-month intervals, the pros and cons of hoping for a miracle, difficulties related to thinking about future plans, and the important parts of life that might make a difference into eternity.  I think that we encouraged each other and were both better off for having met and listened to each other with open hearts.  I'm glad that I chose to sit next to her.  I wrote a prayer card and placed it in my prayer box.  I hope that she lives a long fruitful life yet I likely will never know - we shared only our first names.  I wish now we would have traded e-mail addresses.

The only church in town would likely be a place where congregates might expect conversations regarding life's challenges and eternal realities with open, honest, and humble God trusting people.  Human wisdom and hope have limited value when interment is in view.

Just for today...

• Value each person we meet - it's a miracle that each of us is alive.
• Be open to God's leading and resist temptations to be your own little god.
• Seek to understand them - you might open an opportunity to both give and receive love.

July 3rd - Group Understanding and Consensus within the Light

The story...

We were hiring a new engineer and our new group-consensus recruiting process had filtered down the list of candidates to two.  We used a group interview and scoring process.  Both people were very different and the group was split regarding who was expected to best both perform the job and work well within the group(s) and organization.  I vocally supported my candidate as part of the minority.  I accepted the group's decision to offer the job to the other guy yet I was a bit frustrated by both the process and the resulting decision.  As the years went by, it was clear that the group made the right decision - "they were right and I'm glad I listened."  Yes, I'm a believer in a group interviewing and decision making process.  Maybe each person's perspective does shine light on the fuller implications of the decision making process?

The only church in town would value all people and seek to understand them in both the light of day and God's revelations.  Might we find answers to the question of how we fit into His Will there?  How do we understand God's Will for ourselves, others, and the group when we aren't capable of knowing our own heart?  I expect that the only church in town would focus on right relationships between God, me, and my fellow congregates too.  Yes, they would follow the greatest commandment to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, mind, and strength.  And, to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.  Shining the light of God on relationships, decisions, and plans for the future too. 

In my limited experience, God does intervene in my life in a continuous way.  His Word and Spirit do seem to validate my walk within His will with a sense of peace.  When my soul wanders and seeks to glorify my imagined self, the Spirit of God convicts me and restores our working relationship - a work of God.  It surprises me when my soul is at peace when my circumstances seem to say I "should" be thinking and feeling otherwise.

Just for today...

"I do not know what is best for other people.  Today I will remember that newcomers, and everyone else, are in the hands of a Power greater than myself."  Courage to Change (p. 185)

July 2nd - Is a Peaceful or Vibrant Chapter Best?

The story...

What does being peaceful mean to you - Less consternation, calm feelings, a quiet sense of purpose and strong relationships?   Some would rather have a vibrant life characterized by: excited thoughts, amped up feelings, a sense that anything's possible, and a life less bounded by relationships?

Maybe younger adults are designed to live vibrant lives and older people are designed to work out more peaceful lives.  If that's true, then is it reasonable to expect a younger person to live with a sense of peace, calmness, and purpose?  Would a peaceful person be able to move mountains, lead thousands, and work out a close and continual relationship with their God too?

I'm thankful for each stage of life and how I've learned to say goodbye to the old and hello to the new.  The book of my life wouldn't be as rich and meaningful without all the chapters - the good, the bad, and the ugly too.

The only church in town would be full of unique and wonderful biographies that're all in the process of being written.  There'd be a library where people could read completed biographies yet they wouldn't spend too much time there.  They'd all recognize the great value of experiencing the current chapter of each person within community.

Just for today...

"If I am getting in the way of my own best interests, a closer look at my behavior can lead to positive changes."  Courage to Change (p. 184)

July 1st - Let 'em Be Free

The story...

My rebellious spirit resisted efforts to fix, manage, control or dominate me.  Had I been more compliant, I likely would've received better grades, learned to play a cornet better, better understood what others were into, and been a part of more groups too.  I do greatly appreciate the groups and relationships that I've been a part of; yet, I seemed driven towards freedom from group think and domineering controlling types.  Sadly, this meant that I had to find ways to deal with the rejection that goes along with a rebellious spirit.

The jobs that I chose, and flourished in, allowed me to exercise my independence and drive change in the processes that converted inputs into outputs.  Rebel against the status quo and change things to make them better.  The jobs involved imagination, risk, reward, influence, and an internal need to succeed - I was naturally good at this type of work and change characterized my career.  When things became too predictable, I moved on towards the next thing.

Was I born to walk this road or was I a product of my environment?  Nobody knows the answer.  I do believe that we all need every person to work out their unique abilities, skills and talents for the benefit of us all.

How might the only church in town be a place where all people would congregate when some of them are rebels like me?  I think that we'd let each person work out their own lives and provide opportunities for groups who would focus on relationships amongst congregates.  Yet, the - North Star - purpose would always be for each person to rest in their right relationship with God in Christ.

Just for today...

"...what I view as a finely developed sense of responsibility may actually amount to a form of dominance." Hope for Today (p.183)

"...the man I married cannot be the source of my happiness or sorrow.  The gift of life is personally mine - as his life belongs to him - to enjoy or destroy, as each of us wishes."  One Day at a Time ([. 183)

"Ever'thing there is but lovin' leaves a rust on yo' soul." Langston Hughes

June 30th - God knows what I'm trying to say

The story...

I wonder how often I prayed when I was young and what I prayed about?  I don't remember expectations that I knelt beside my bed with my hands folded together.  I expect that I laid in bed making pleas for answers regarding the dilemmas that each day presented.  I do remember sleeping on the bottom bunk looking at the airplanes that were on the fabric below the top bunk - I did often imagine flying.  My needs were never fully met yet I hope I was mostly thankful for the what and the whom that were parts of my life.  

I look back now with thankfulness for all of the life changes that came my way - the good, the bad and the...   My relationship with God is closer than ever and my life is generally peaceful.  I can imagine how God might enjoy me and our relationship.  Yes, I greatly value my human experience and have inklings of how they might be valuable in the next life or realm.

Scripture confirms that God knows a  man's heart better than any man does.  It seems that God enjoys and responds to our conversations with Him.  The only church in town will teach people to pray - to work out a right relationship with God the Father through our Savior our Lord Jesus the Christ.  I'm so thankful that my parents brought me to church where I learned Who God was, what He revealed, and how to pray.

Just for today...

"As a child I seldom felt as though I had enough of anything - especially love , attention, and approval.  It seemed no matter what my parents said or did, I always wanted more.  As and adult I tried to get my needs met in other ways.  I ate too much, thinking I could fill my empty spaces with food.  I shopped in too many stores, searching for the  elusive merchandise that would finally make me feel complete.  I sought 'substitute parents' whose attention and approval would make me feel good about my life and myself."  Hope for Today (p. 182)

"'Why are you saying your ABCs so many times?' I asked the boy.  He replied, 'I'm saying my prayers.' I couldn't help but laugh. 'Prayers.? All I hear is the alphabet.' Patiently the boy explained, Well, I don't know all the words, so I give God the letters. God knows what I am trying to say.'"  Courage to Change (p. 182) 

June 29th - Is Isolation a Sort of Cloaking Device?

The story...

I remember day dreaming about a scenario where everybody else was frozen in time . . . paused . . . and I was free to roam and do as I pleased.  At first, it seemed exciting breaking all of the rules and having free reign to go anywhere that I wanted to; but, I imagined transportation, food, and safety issues.  Then, I'd have to admit that it would be horribly lonely and purposeless living in isolation without relationships.  No, it wouldn't be better, more comfortable, enjoyable or even exciting for long.

How do we best respond when we're emotionally hurt by other people?  Do people really respond like Steve Martin in the movie "The Jerk?" Imagining we are self sufficient, don't need anyone else, pretending everything's okay, and moving further down the spiral towards self isolation.

What do we get when we self isolate?  Obsessive thoughts that justify the isolation along with their physical, mental and emotional consequences?   Erosion of the social skills that enable us to get along with and cooperate with other selfish people for our mutual good and growth?  It's kind of like Maverick's self isolation in Top Gun: "Maverick Engage!"

Cabbie's Imagined place of peace and bliss - Movie - Collateral

I hope that the only church in town will allow people the freedom to live out their lives themselves.  Yes, even through periods of isolation; but, I hope that they wouldn't stay away from others for too long.  I hope that a good neighbor, who's also loved by God, would take the first steps toward creating a bridge for them to reenter community. ✌

Just for today...

"Each unconsciously suppresses facts that might reflect badly on him or her, and exaggerates the other's faults."  One Day at at Time (p. 181)

"I no longer merely have to survive the hour, the day, or even the year in loneliness and isolation.  Instead I can learn to trust someone else and take chances..."  Hope for Today (p. 181)

June 28th - Relationships are found in the present

The story...

Freddy Fender's song "Wasted days and wasted nights" describes a man who's blue due to the choices of the girl which are beyond his control and influence.  He seems camped in his memories where he hoped that things would've been different - if only... then he'd be "all set."  He seems stuck in the past and wasting his present reality.

I wish that I could take back the wasted days and wasted nights of trying to relive the past.  Strangely, my imagined perspective of my past is likely far different from the actual perspectives of those who shared it with me.  To compound the problem further, those who shared your past were likely focused on themselves, only perceived a small part of what was going on, and now likely can't recall anything about those days that were not so important to them.  Are they important to your current reality?

For my momma's birthday present, I loaded up an electronic photo frame with pictures from my mother's past.  It actually creeped me out as I left it on our dining room table prior to giving it to her.  She seemed to have a similar reaction to it too.  Reality, in the present, is the best place to be - that's where your relationships are.  And, the present is where you meet with God too.

The only church in town will work out their faith in the present.  They'll enjoy the presence of God and their savior the Lord Jesus the Christ. 

Just for today...

"I spent most of my life having expectations of , and making unrealistic demands on, everyone around me . . . the person I was hardest on was myself . . . Members encouraged me to eliminate 'have-tos' and 'shoulds' and to slow down so that I could consciously choose which changes felt right to me."  Hope for Today (p. 180)

"My life is too important to be wasted waiting for someone else's choices, even when it's someone I dearly love."  Courage to Change (p. 180)

"How happy and useful I could be if I weren't carrying around such a load of unpleasant emotional turmoil.  No one asks me to, so why do I?"  One Day at a Time (p. 180)

June 27th - What might you teach you?

The story...

I'm thankful that I wrote some of my thoughts as I journeyed through life.  I'm often surprised at the clarity of my questions, the degree of focus, and how the conclusions of the moment are helpful to me at a later part of life.  I especially appreciate the sketches - they remind me of the stuff that seems to need more than words and story to remember the more-whole picture.

The following picture is a sketch that I made about a vivid  dream, about ten years ago, where I seemed to be fully interacting.  I woke up with the type of memory, consternation, and feelings that sometimes come from events that we experience in reality.

"The dream was so... real..."

My video recordings of my lectures were often difficult for me to review or improve.  When I developed a new course, I: studied multiple textbooks; reviewed seminal and current journal articles related to the body of knowledge; searched for current events; and reflected on how the knowledge was worked out within my own work life.  Therefore, the lectures seemed richer and more integrated than I might create at a later, less prepared, point in time.  I was often humbled by what a younger version of me could teach me about the subject.  This being true, I ignored the stammers, the awkward pauses, and the misspoken words that'd be sprinkled in.  The imperfections were actually part of the richness of the reality of life - the stuff that makes life more real and comfortable.

The people congregating within the only church in town will become comfortable together.  They'd have opportunities to honestly reflect on the reality of their lives together. These shared experiences, thoughts, prayers, and daily happenings would be perceived increasingly inline within the will of God.  They'd see the Spirit of Christ worked out through real people whose hearts are partially revealed to them.

Just for today...

"... if I listen to my words, I find that I usually tell those whom I sponsor exactly what I myself need to hear."  Courage to Change (p. 179)

June 26th - What does a good day look like?

The story...

These are my first ten thoughts regarding what I think a good day might find me doing:

• Trusting in God's will and His provision
• Living in present reality
• Engaging in the world
• Eating, exercising, working and sleeping well
• Loving and being loved
• Imagining the good future
• Resting peacefully
• Laughing with friends
• Learning something new
• Being true to who I am in Christ

What ten things might happen to derail my plans for a good day?

• Financial loss
• Criticism from someone I respect
• Rejection
• Laziness
• Focus on myself and attempts to please me
• Efforts to try to fit in or be like the group
• No or nonchalant prayer
• Forced to perform a role that I'm not capable in
• Change of plans
• Suffering - me or those I care for

The only church in town would teach people to trust in God's revealed truth about who we are, what we might expect, how God has provided for us, and how we might find peace in all life circumstances.  (Phil. 4:11-13)

Just for today...

"It's as if I don't know how to handle happiness, so I start searching for difficulties to draw on." Hope for Today (p. 178)

"I will not allow old resentments to drag me down any longer.  I am building a better and more loving life today."   Courage to Change (p. 178)

June 25th - Why do I resist prayer?

The story...

I was trained to be an industrial engineer (IE).  One of my IE tasks was to plan for the capacity to produce products.  People learn new processes and systems at predictable rates.  Their speed of learning may be modeled by a constant percentage every time they double the total number of parts they've produced to date.  The multiplier will be at about 80% for simple assembly work and up to 95% for more complex work.  For an 80% manual-job learning curve, this rule-of-thumb would project that a 10 min. time for the 50th part would be reduced to 8 min. for the 100th part.  The idea is right even if my facts are a tad off.

So, what's the learning curve look like for my prayer life?  My capacity to pray and time I spent praying doesn't fit the learning curve model.   First, I don't remember being taught to pray.  My family recited a version of the prayer Jesus taught His disciples before meals - I remember it as follows:

"Father, who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever, AMEN."  Luke 11:1-13  

I've listened to other people pray aloud - their prayers were addressed to themselves, the prayer group, God, Jesus, and sometimes to no one in particular.  My prayer history had ebbs and flows, desert and rainy seasons, anxiety and peace, new truth and despair, full acceptance and lost, long and short, revelation and no sense of change, quiet and loud, on my knees or speeding, one-way and two-way, natural and foreign, loving and left outside, trusting and questioning...

I wish I'd prayed more.  I'm going to pray right down and tell you what happened when I am done.  Here it goes...

I prayed for 8 min. 5 sec. My heart was right, I praised and thanked God.  I made my requests known for others. I was quiet for about a third of the time and felt emotions and physical feeling within my body too.  It felt good and right - a place where I want to be.  Yet, as I'm typing I've returned to my life journey.  My prayer respite is but a memory.   I wonder how that prayer might've affected lives and God's intervention.  We may never know the answer to questions like these.  Yet, God revealed that prayer's critical towards our relationship and receipt of His loving kindness. 

Yes, the only church in town would be a place of prayer.  People would work out increasingly reliant relationships with our God and seek Him and His will in prayer.  If we were prayerful sorts, might we enjoy each other more?  He's faithful.

Just for today...

"Am I too busy too pray? Have I no time for meditation? Then let me ask myself whether I have been able to solve my problems without help."  One Day at a Time (p. 177)

June 24th - What's a Good Life?

 The story...

It's 6:37am and I don't know what'll happen today.  I and others have plans and a will for what we'd like to see happen.  Yet, all our plans don't fit together into that one jigsaw puzzle that'd look like our good day.

As a professor, I was responsible for advising my graduate students regarding their course selections in the light of their career plans and vision for working out their good life.  I rarely heard a good description of what they thought a good life would look like or even if the concept had merit.  Most would ask me: "what is a good life?"

There are some life variables that we've some degree of control over.  We can decide to wake up at 6:00am and set our alarm(s) to increase the likelihood that we do wake up then.  We can forecast what's likely to happen and plan our days accordingly - like checking the weather.  Or, we can react to random variables as they come our way - like the unexpected behavior of other drivers out on the road.

Most likely 24.5 but was 19

The truth is that we can't count on our next breath.  It's truly a remarkable that you are alive and reading this blog posting.  We know that in the next moment we could experience: a stroke, a heart attack, being hit by an object, that head-on crash, that random bullet, catastrophic weather event, being fatally wounded by a rocket or a meteorite...

People within the only church in town will find all joy and peace from the God of Hope (Rom. 15:13). This hope is possible without regard to the wavering circumstances of our lives.  Our sovereign God offers His peace in the midst of life's circumstances for those who are His forever.

Just for today...

• Live more in the present.  
• Listen to others with the intent to understand.  
• Ask people for permission before sharing your perspective.