December 31st - Hoping for the best next year - planning to do my part

The story...

The number 24 has been my favorite number for as long as I can remember.  So, I expect that I'll enjoy writing 2024 throughout the year.  The number feels even, comfortable, and strangely helps me feel optimistic about the year.  The Ford Motor Company has planned to build our new Ford Maverick pickup truck during the last week of January and I plan to try Uber driving with it beginning this spring - I'm looking forward to meeting, and serving, all of those people by helping them get to their destinations.  Yes, I'm planning to do my part toward making 2024 a good-to-great year.

My new years resolution is to pray, followed by meditation, for at least ten minutes per day for 100 consecutive days.  Why?  A good friend did something similar, I've the power to make the change happen, and the life change seems to offer only upsides.

Will I track my progress?  Yes, I wish that I didn't need to but experience says that my tracking will help make it happen and result in a sustainable habit of good living.  In reality, my prayer and meditation life drifted to the more normal state; yet, "righter."

The only church in town will share about God's promises for a relationship with Him that trusts only in His provision.  Prayer and quietly listening is part of that relationship.

Happy new year friends!

Just for today...

"The new year which lies before me has no time for futile regrets. I will live one day at a time, making each one better than the last, as I grow in confidence and faith."  One Day at a Time (p. 366)

"Have I thanked that person for all they've given me? Have I recognized my growing ability to love and trust others?"   Courage to Change (p. 366)

December 30th - Might suffering force me to grow in new and important ways?

The story...

My physical limitations forced me to adapt my life to a new reality.  My emotional and mental processes take some time to both grieve the losses, and accept my new condition, before I move on.  I'm already enjoying my new environments, habits, activities, and relationships that're part of my new life.  It seems that I can both retain my memories of the past and enjoy new learnings and blessing from my new reality.  Is it possible that my physical limitations are forcing me to change and grow in new and important ways?  

The only church in town will teach you how Abraham, Gideon, and David died at ripe old ages.  I assume that being ripe means having fully experienced what life had to offer.  I hope to take that life experience trusting God, and fruit born along the way, into eternity.

Just for today...

"The unpleasant things other people say or do have no power to destroy my peace of mind or ruin my day unless I permit it . . . I suspect I may have benefited from my pain. But those benefits are no longer worth the prices . . . There is a beautiful person within me who has no need to build an identity around suffering . . . I won't waste another moment feeling sorry for myself."  Courage to Change (p. 365)

"I don't have to do or fix everything."  Hope for Today (p. 365)

December 29th - Plant your foot solidly and securely

 The story...

My feet had bunions, tight tendons to my toes, and almost no arch.  To make matters more challenging, one of my legs was/is about 1/4" longer.  Some of these limitations, and those partially caused by them, were corrected by surgery.  These changes allowed me to move more stably.

It feels good and right to plant your foot - the rest of your body parts, including the lumbar region of my spine, rely on that firm footing.  My lower back is currently impinging my spinal cord which is sending nerve impulses to my brain which I interpret as negative and painful.  Those "pain" signals trigger unwanted reactions, thoughts, and changes in my behavior.  I wanna be better.

The following article is from the 12/26/23 edition of the Wall Street Journal.  It claims that I might change my perception of some of the nerve signals that originate from my pinched spinal cord.  "The cause is brain sensitization rather than physical injury . . . verbally reappraising the sensations as a false alarm and noting it so that it's not considered threatening or painful."  Yes, I can live a better life by more accurately sensing, perceiving, and acting on reality.  That makes sense to me and seems like right thinking - in response, I'm planning on reappraising my nerve signals. I'll give it a try in reality.

Within the only church in town you'll learn the value of placing your step solidly within God's will. That firmer foundation allows for sustainable growth centered and planted in reality - the seen and the unseen.  I'm not talking about an imaginary world where a group all agrees in a sort of blind hope - It's a about real relationships and better lives worked out together in the Light of God's revealed Word.  It's the place to be - fruit bearing along the way.

Just for today...

"Did I demand to much? Am I being confronted with a natural reprisal for my rigid, uncompromising attitude? . . . If we hurt someone or demanded to much of them, swift retribution may dismay or infuriate us . . . I may feel ever so justified in "taking a stand," but let me consider whether it was something I did that led to the crisis."  One Day at a Time (p. 364)

December 28th - Be okay living in reality

The story...

Oh, if I could've been more  kind to both me and to others too - more content with what I had and appreciative of what I received.  Yet, none of those years were wasted.  They're all part of who I am.  I'm thankful for each and every one - they were a gift.

From Caroline Kennedy

The bible says that He became flesh and lived a life out on this earth within a human experience as the Son of Man.  His human experience is important to both God and to us too.  Might all of our human experiences have eternal value?  I expect so . . .  they're certainly important to me as I type.

How about being a part of the only church in your town already?  What a great place to meet whilst praising and worshiping our Creator together.  Relationships found there help complete us, contribute to the value of each day, and builds towards a worthy aim.

Just for today...

"We intend to be kind and tolerant, but some uncontrollable impulse changes our attitude into something we later find ourselves regretting. We intend to accomplish so much, but unless we start out with a realistic estimate of what we are capable of doing, we fall far short of our expectations."  One Day at a Time (p. 363)

December 27th - Shared stories

The story...

By taking the time to care and listen, I heard what it was like to be flogged as punishment for violating a law by entering a middle-east country with a 3.4 oz. bottle of alcohol.  Men have told me what it's like to worship the sun, Mohammad, Buddha, and their Messiah in many different ways.  People who worship God charismatically have always been interesting to hear out when they felt less guarded and more trusting.  A man shared what it was like to only remember clearly what'd happened about 60 years ago or before.  A 30-year-old woman explained what it was like to be an illegal immigrant from Russia while we recreated on a boat in Texas - they're required to read classic literature in Russian high schools.  A landlord explained what it was like to be free from the obligations of the Lutheran church in Duluth, MN - she had a hard time believing that I chose to go church when no one would know the difference.  A woman shared how it felt to be excommunicated from her church in Tennessee for cutting her hair.  Many older people have described how their more honest assessment of their self and humble worship and trusting in God's provision have brought contentment and peace in situations that were unimaginable to me.  A Buddhist professor explained how he valued the contentment afforded by not perceiving situations as either good or bad.  All of these conversations are precious to me and are part of the width, length and height of my story too.

What a joy to be able to seek to understand another person in conversation.  To be willing to listen to and understand a part of how their life worked out - what they value too.  I especially appreciate listening to people who are significantly different from me.  As I ponder those that I remember, I'm so thankful for each one - I can't imagine giving up what I've learned from other lives.  People's shared experiences and hearts are such a joy to me - truly precious.  It saddens me to hear of people who remain isolated from others and seek to find contentment through a relationship with a pet.

The only church in town will value the variety of lives that makes up their congregation as they worship in a common faith.  I love my church family and appreciate all who came before me, traveled with me, and those who I will interact with in the days I have left.  I wonder how many more breaths I will be given traveling on this spinning orb?

Just for today...

"...no one person's view is totally complete . . . I can be grateful for the chance to see that there are countless ways to looking at life . . . I use to take disagreements personally. One of us had to be wrong, and my position had to be accepted! . . . I don't have to invalidate anyone else's views in order to validate my own . . . Today I will respect someone's right to think differently."  Courage to Change (p. 362)

December 26th - A good life is like a dance - relationships held loosely.

The story...

I went to college during the disco-dance era.  Guys often met girls at parties where young men had the opportunity to ask women to dance.  Like many other guys, I was a reluctant to display my lack of dancing skills amongst my peers - especially the girls who I admired from a distance.  John Travolta showed us how it was done on Saturday Night Fever and the dancing experience was a whole lotta fun.  

After college, I moved to Tennessee where there was a different style of country-western dancing like the 2-step we danced to the Cotton-Eyed Joe.  I was new to Knoxville, so I went to two different churches on Sunday mornings followed by dance lessons at noon.  I wanted to be involved in community and meet my life partner - not knowing how to dance well was a barrier.  I met my life partner there in 1981 - praise God.  She was a practiced dancer who made dancing easy - she made me look and feel good.  She made it look like I was leading although I often didn't know what I was doing or what the next pattern was.

Relationships are much like a ballroom dance where you can hold your partner in various ways.  For me, it was great when I learned to hold her loosely with subtle, yet clear, signals as to where we were moving next.  She silently let me know what she wanted to do and where to go.  When it worked well, we flowed across the floor as a unit - continuous movements that didn't feel anything like work.  The close intimate relationship on the dance floor seemed kind of like a good relationship.

Like on the dance floor, I had a difficult time maintaining close relationships throughout life.  I've learned relationship building and sustaining skills along the way and now greatly value the relationships I have.  There are similarities between a good relationships and the relationship on the dance floor - a metaphor.  Why not learn how to dance, go to places where people dance, and get out there on the dance floor of life?

Strangely, many churches didn't allow dancing amongst boys and girls either within church or outside of church.  They were worried about unwanted close relationship building.  Yet, the only church in town will encourage relationship building.  God with me, me with Him, me with them, them with me, me with him/her, and her/him with me.  It seems wise to hold them loosely and work out the most important relationship with God first.  Learn about Him, learn the dance, dance life with Him, dance with friends while holding them loosely, and enjoy the community at the dance party too.   A dance party isn't a solemn place - you'll find happiness and joy there - a good metaphor for the only church in town? 

Just for today...

"I was a willing participant in a dance that required two partners. I felt like a victim, but in many ways I was a volunteer . . . When I get the old feelings that tells me I am a victim, I can regard it as a red flag, a warning that I may be participating in something that is not in my best interest. I can resist the temptation to blame others and look to my own involvement instead."  Courage to Change (p. 361)

"...it dawned on me how much of my life had been spent wanting for others to change so I could be happy."  Hope for Today (p. 361)

December 25th - Being quiet - replacing what-ifs with even-ifs

 The story...

I'm lifting weights in my basement while listening to an inspiring message from one of my mentor's on YouTube.  I complete my stretching and turn off the TV.  I kneel down on my weight bench in prayer and meditation.  Then, I'm quiet and peaceful for a time, maybe the best part of life, then it's quickly over.  Why?

Being quite in prayer, meditating, is a great place to be - peacefulness.  Why might it be illusive?  I will to be quiet and peaceful following prayer with my heart open to the Spirit of God.  Yet, my mind, often filled with the cares of the world, seems crouched on the sideline, ready to pounce back in and continue running the show.  These are the those thoughts of: having to, wanting to, planning to, worrying about, interested in, and even whimsically entertaining myself - an endless stream of possibilities just waiting to be juggled around and explored.  Might my "what-ifs" be replaced with "even-ifs?"  If our focus shifted from trying to control and worry about what might happen to trusting God "even if" circumstances seem to go awry, might we live in a more peaceful place and make better decisions too?

The only church in town will introduce those assembled to the Word of God and the opportunity to experience fellowship with their God too - wow.  Faith in God means trusting Him, our Creator, to keep His Word.  And, His Word lived out is the very best both for the few years I have left on this earth and for all eternity that awaits.  Yes, it's reasonable and right to replace our "what-ifs" with "even-ifs" when we are right with God in Christ.  Yes, I'm with Him.  That's an infinitely better place to be than merely trying my best, on my own, to control the uncontrollable.  

Merry Christmas - we have a wonderful Savior in Christ!  Praise God!  Spend time with Him.

Just for today...

"Serenity is: . . .  accepting my many characteristics and not judging what's 'bad' or 'good' but what's useful to keep and what to release . . . honoring my feelings without aiming them at someone else or letting them run my life."  Hope for Today (p. 360)

"What message does my silence communicate? Today I will try to align the stillness of my tongue with a stillness of spirit."  Courage to Change (p. 360)

December 24th - Acknowledging reality

 The story...

My desk is a mess.  True, I don't currently have a designated place to put everything and I've more stuff than I need.  Yet, I know that I can organize my desk - I've done it in the past and I've the resources needed to make it happen.  Being organized is better and I've got the time to make it happen.  In fact, I expect that I'll actually enjoy the process once I get started.  So, why don't I get started?  I understand that this introspective quality is uniquely human - and a good focus of conversation with a close friend.  It's so freeing to be grounded closer to reality than our imaginary "world" that we "wish" was true.  Yet, might our best introspective efforts be an illusion?

The only church in town will review the reality that's expressed in the Apostle Paul's book of Ephesians and Philippians - wonderful truths, revelations from God, that you won't discover from self reflection.  Why?  They're revealed by God for the benefit and hope of his creatures - us.

Just for today...

"Focusing on ourselves simply means that when we acknowledge the situation as it actually is, we look at our options instead of looking at the options available to other people. We consider what is within our power to change instead of expecting others to do the changing."  Courage to Change (p. 359)

December 23rd - Purposely act versus react?

The story...

Habits, routines, honest personal reflection, relationship building, kindness, prayer, quiet meditation, showing respect and a propensity for doing versus waiting till "I feel like it" have all worked well for me. This incomplete list is fundamental for building up the unique me.  We all know that we make sense of our lives and the environments we live in with mental models that are incomplete, flawed, and biased, or bent, to reflect what we want to be true.  I hope that we continue to walk toward our life's aim in an honest, humble, thoughtful, and peaceful way.

How do I react to those whose ways, manners, physical characteristics, age, actions, beliefs, experiences, education, aims... are significantly different from me?  In the future, I hope to seek to understand them before I attempt to be "help" them understand me - Steven Covey principle.  This one focus seems to enable a whole lotta of other good stuff.

The only church in town is a great place to meet up with co-sojourners for your life journey.  You can find friends with a common aim, who're on a similar path, that you can relate to, and are in a similar stage along the path.  It's important to work out your reality with  others too - there're many opportunities to love, and be loved by, most of the everybody.  Relationships and love seem to be the good stuff in life.  Good stuff is available within the only church in town - God's presence within the Body of Christ  - yes, it's mysterious.

Just for today...

"I would not want this person as a friend, but I do need to work with him as a professional. I don't like him... However, . . . I treat him with the same courtesy and respect I would like him to give me, regardless of whether or not he gives it.  I let it begin with me and act rather than react."  Hope for Today (p. 358)

December 22nd - Being aware an engaging in the present

The story...

I wonder how much of our thinking life is actually spent thinking about the past (maybe 20%), engaging in the present reality (maybe 50%), or thinking about future realities (maybe 30%)?  Given enough time, I expect that we all would agree that it's best to live in the present where life actually occurs.  If we did so, I expect that our memories would be richer, and our future moments better lived.

A group of friends, and a book, introduced me to the benefits of living more fully in the present where life actually occurs.  They introduced me to the acronym S.T.E.A.M.: Senses, Thoughts, Emotions, Actions, and Mindfulness.  I practiced mindfulness by going through each of the letters when I found myself excessively reliving the past or worrying about future possibilities - I often did this on hiking trails.  First, I checked my five senses.  Second, I examined my current thoughts.  Third, I identified my emotions.  Fourth, I was honest with what I was doing.  Lastly, I enjoyed the peacefulness of rightly living in the present - being mindful.

Yes, I painted this...

The only church in town will introduce you to the spiritual realities that may have previously escaped your detection.  Yes, God communicates and works out life, with His creation, in the present.  So... I added an "S" to the acronym, S.T.E.A.M.S., to stand for my spirit and God's Spirit relating within the unseen spiritual reality.  Yes, there is a spirit/Spirit reality.  Why not pray now, one-on-one with God, and together within the only church in town?

Best definition of wisdom I've ever heard:  "Live for today, plan for tomorrow, and think on eternity."

Just for today...

The Contemplative Life:  "...prayer is available any time, any place. It is undetectable to outside eyes, but it bears a seed of transformation that can bring the most unmanageable situation into perspective."  Courage to Change (p. 357)

"I wondered how I could pray without feeling false . . . my rigidity was a wall that hid my fear . . . Now I am gentler with myself and others.  Acceptance of my self-doubts enabled me to start turning away from the "musts" and "shoulds."  Hope for Today (p. 357)

December 21st - Being kind and honest with you

The story...

Three nights ago I dreamed that I purchased a new cell phone that was too small.  Two nights ago, I dreamed that I was trying to do a bicep curl, with 25lbs, while sitting in a lazy-boy chair, and wasn't able to lift it up beyond 90 degrees.  I was surprised to see a bundle of really-large blood vessels, protruding from my arm, had snagged something on the floor.  Last night I had multiple dreams of adventure that included my college-aged siblings and a new job in an old building where I'd discovered a new tea that I'd mixed up in a blue Rubbermaid container. 

In my waking hours I'm concerned about changes in the lumbar region of my lower spine - they're affecting my life and the medical system's ability to restore me to my previous physical capability is questionable.  Whatever course my spinal changes lead me, I hope that I remain peacefully grounded in the reality of my situation and that I don't need to look to my subconscious mind to discover what's really going on.  Yes, I will to be honest and humble with my condition as I walk the next part of my life journey.  I've heard we are humblest when we live most closely to the truth.

Is being honest and accepting of my current reality part of being kind to me?  A position of strength and peace where I can see, understand, accept, and continue my journey down the right path to the Celestial City?  Yes, that was a reference to John Bunyan's allegory - Pilgrim's Progress.

Some really good books... I'll have more time and life-space to read.

The only church in town will tend to be an honest, kind, and loving kind of place. People's most important needs will be met as relationships are worked out rightly - first with God and then with each other.  The church will be big enough that people will have opportunities to walk on the path with friends they can relate to, and grow with, in an honest and kind sort of way.

 

Just for today...

"Somewhere in my past I got the message that to think of myself first was wrong, that it was my duty to care for everyone else. As a consequence, I was never ready to take care of myself and so became a burden to those around me . . . In fact, improving myself is the only real action available to me . . . Why should others bother to follow my example if I can't take care of my own affairs? . . . To give advice to others is to intrude; to give advice to myself is to grow."   Courage to Change (p. 356)

December 20th - Love meets each other's needs...

The story...

I imagined a world that was envisioned for me to sell toothpaste, Chevrolets, and scrubbing agents by "Ad Men" in Manhattan.  There was no escaping the overwhelming number of ad messages - they worked.  Life's better when you're drinking a Coca-Cola.

It was a world of love and acceptance - freedom to be me with other like-minded people.  Nobody would tell me what to do - I would live out the good stuff and toss the mundane, boring, and self-deprecating parts into the trash. People would be as you imagined them to be.  I would find a life partner, who agreed with me, and live out an unburdened good life. 

Good Morning Sunshine - I thought this might be my reality?  Really???

My personality and intellect tended, and tends, to move me towards the rebellious end of the the spectrum.  What was my North Star that kept me going?  I think that it was my fundamental desire to be accepted, respected, and loved  Initially, I believed that the marriage relationship would fulfill those needs.  Marriage is really important - it can teach us how to give and receive love.  Yet, another person doesn't fill all the missing parts of a good and honest life.

The only church in town will communicate and work out relationships with God, and each other, through His provision in Christ.  I want to be found with Him now and for evermore - and work life out with other like-minded-hearted people..

Just for today...

"What role do my expectations as a child play in my difficulties as an adult?"  Hope for Today (p. 355)

"The more light we generate for others, the better we can see ourselves."  One Day at a Time (p. 355)

"Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."  I Corinthians 13:4-6 (NASB)

December 19th - Is being thankful the best way to live?

The story...

In 2000, I chose the long-hard path of education and research to be awarded a PhD in engineering.  Thankfully, I found ways to integrate the PhD work and travel within an already busy schedule of work and family life.  The studies were related to my job; so, the course work and applications came relatively easy - the travel, missed activities, job changes, and dissertation didn't come easy.  I've never been much of a quitter and persevered to be awarded the degree of PhD in Industrial Engineering in 2010.  The journey took faith, passion, and discipline.  My eyes remained on the prize as I stepped forward.  I don't remember many people offering encouragement along the way - there were a lot of doubters and naysayers who advised caution and retreat.

Thankfully, I found a first-year teaching job at the University of Minnesota - Duluth (UMD).  It was a wonderful experience for which I'm extremely grateful.  The graduate-teaching job seemed to be a good person-job fit.  After my first year at UMD, I was offered a job as "Professor" at my alma mater - Iowa State University (ISU).  The job offer felt good yet it was too far from home.  After 10pm one April night, I talked to my son about his job search; described my own career dilemma; and relayed how I was trusting in God's provisions and not my own.  After our conversation, I left my apartment and walked to my campus office - I found the one job that might work at Eastern Michigan University (EMU).  I applied that night, interviewed the next week, and accepted the job the following week.  The professor and teaching career worked out - the journey required much faith.  I'm so... thankful for every step along the way.

What word would you choose to describe you?  I've settled in on the word "thankful."  I'm thankful for each: breath I breathe; day's weather; hot cup of coffee; expression of love; faithful friend; act of kindness; person I meet; memory of how life worked out; faith realized; and the wonderful surprises along the way.  

The only church in town can help each of us be more thankful.  How?  First, you can learn what your Creator revealed about who you are, where you came from, how to best live, and where you'll spend eternity - the "real" good stuff.  Second, you can learn how to be rid of the shame and guilt that may weigh heavy upon your back.  Third, you can learn to live more honestly within relationships characterized by love.  Fourth, you can witness other lives worked out within the reality of their faith in God's Word.

Just for today...

"Is any of the attention I once gave to negative thinking now focused on gratitude?"  Courage to Change (p. 354)

"I was told what to believe and how to believe. If I deviated even slightly from the chosen path, I was reproached and corrected . . .  They wanted to show the world a perfect family. Needless to say, I didn't develop any individuality . . . I had no idea what were my likes, dislikes, needs or desires."  Hope for Today (p. 354)

December 18th - W.A.I.T.: Why Am I Still Talking?

The story...

When I was young, I was a bit awkward and felt a tad outside the groups that I longed to be accepted by.  I learned to find acceptance by being interesting, funny, and engaging in group situations - the "story teller."  The persona I worked out seemed to help me be accepted - to feel okay.  My "style" of being might've been less problematic if I'd learned to listen to and respect others too - wanting the same for others as I wanted for myself. 

George Costanza leaves on a high note.

I was talking when I should've been listening, understanding, and growing.  Where did I miss the lesson that it's better to first understand than to be understood (Steven Covey)?  Did I talk to much in an effort to be respected and accepted?  Yes, the acronym W.A.I.T. would've been helpful for me in conversation: Why Am I Talking?

When the word of God is read in the only church in town, might we listen rather than seek to find ways to invalidate "The Message?"  The message will likely conflict with our self concept of how the world works best for us.  Many of us construct, an operate within, and elaborate "house of cards," virtually erected, through our imagination and mental gyrations - reality is a better place to live.

Just for today...

"I will not yield to my compulsion to go on talking after I have made my point - and what I say will have a direct relevance to the subject of the meeting."  One Day at a Time (p. 353)

"Walls are disappearing, and love and community are growing and expanding."  Hope for Today (p. 353)

December 17th - Being honest with reality - your true self.

The story...

I was one of the youngest kids in my first-grade class and I grew in stature a little slower than most kids.  I hoped to be tall, like both of my parents younger brothers, yet it seemed like it wasn't going to happen for me.  Unexpectedly, I grew to over six-foot during my senior year of high school and throughout my freshman year of college too.  My physical height seemed to effect my identity.  Shorter people let me know that I was lucky to be respected "merely" for my exceptional height.

Everybody loves Raymond - Robby - his "little" brother."

Now my physical height is shrinking along with the flattening discs in my spine.  I might grow in height again if my surgeon fuses more discs together by jacking up my spine with metal rods like they did in November, 2009.  If they do, I'll be a bit taller, yet now I'm not so naive to think that my identity will have changed.  I've better learned who I am throughout my life and I'm okay with me along with my many defects.  I like me best when I am walking with "we" and not isolated by myself.

Our true selves are likely the ones that we'll work out throughout all eternity as opposed to the changing self who adapts to his current needs, capabilities, situations, environments, rule sets, groups, and the opinions of others.  I'm so thankful that the Word of God says that I'm "far" better aligned and positioned with "That Than Which There Is No Greater." 

The only church in town will let you know of your true identity, for both this life and the eternal one to come.  Yes, your true identity can be found in the Son of God, our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ. They will read the scriptures and trust in the unseen realities that can be worked out in both this life and the eternal one to come - the good life.

Just for today...

"I can risk being my true self with family members and allow family members to risk being themselves with me."  Hope for Today (p. 352)

"Resentments mark the place where I see myself as a victim . . . I will love myself enough to release myself from the closet in which resentments keep me locked."  Courage to Change (p. 352)

December 16th - I don't have to understand everything but seeking to understand is good.

The story...

The advanced path through mathematics was available to me throughout my education.  Much of my time was spent attempting to receive good grades rather than working to understand mathematical proofs based on fundamental axioms.  The better way was to: follow my teacher's guidance towards understanding the why(s); working more examples than I wanted to; and applying this structured way of thinking to real-life applications.  This mathematical structured thinking became an integral part of my mind.

As a graduate teacher, I encountered varying degrees of understanding regarding the application of mathematical equations, principles and practices.  Some of my students were from other countries where they learned to solve math problems using different methods - I had a difficult time verifying their work.  So, I required them to show their work according to methods that I, the teacher, understood.  I directed them to Kahn- Academy for examples that we could mutually understand. 

In or about 2012, I decided to complete all of the math courses on Kahn Academy from addition through differential equations.  I scheduled one-to-two hours per day over the course of three or four months - I was surprised at how I more easily understood and integrated the various subjects that took me 16 years to initially learn.

The only church in town will be a place of instruction, practice, and the application of good-to-great life principles.  There will be math guys, like me, and non-math folks, like most of us, too who will enjoy walking together.  The community is much more capable than any one member.

Just for today...

"I don't have to understand everything . . . feel threatened by the future . . . feel guilty about the past . . . feel alone . . . take responsibility for other people's choices . . . give up my hope and dreams."  Courage to Change (p. 351)

"What coping behaviors do I use to soothe my pain? Are they really helping me?"  Hope for Today (p. 351)

December 15th - Listening to and truly understanding another point of view

The story...

I went through a period of brokenness a few years ago - I needed help with a situation that was overwhelming me.  I needed help and knew that my withdrawal and isolation from the problem(s) was not helping.  Thankfully, there was a friend who cared for me and suggested that I meet with a group of people who shared similar life battles - they'd helped both him and others he knew.  I went, I felt understood, the environment was comfortable, and I actually learned how to understand before seeking to be understood - to actually receive love and offer love too.  It's good being with people like that.

Even though the people within the group come and go as their needs change - I truly love them and feel loved by them too.  I wish other groups could be like that.  Yet, strangely as I grew towards a more fully-functioning human, all of the groups that I'm a part of seemed to improve too.  Yes, we rub off on each other and perceive situations differently as we grow.

The only church in town will have groups and friends who you can grow and walk through life with.  Yes, you can come closer to whom you were created to be.  Yet, most importantly, you can become right with your Creator and begin to walk rightly with Him - that's the relationship that lasts.

I hope that you enjoy todays readings.  They're but a sample of those that helped me during my time of need and in an ongoing way today too.  I'm thankful for each of these writers who shared a chunk of the reality of their lives.

Just for today...

"How could I turn my will and my life over to the care of God? . . . It felt so scary to think that I was out of control . . . I wondered what absolute surrender would feel like, and how I would know if I was doing it? . . . He said that turning our will over is like dancing with a partner. If both try to lead, there is much confusion and little forward movement. . . .  But when the partner is willing to relax and let the other partner do the steering, the couple flows easily across the dance floor."  Courage to Change (p. 350)

"Changing myself is such a big job that it keeps me fully occupied . . . I don't let myself get discouraged. Perfection never really has worried me because I know it's unattainable. Instead, I'm thrilled with the small, daily changes I can make in my attitudes and actions."  Hope for Today (p. 350)

"This one day I can easily cope with, if I have not frittered away my energies on destructive emotions, and if I do not provoke antagonism by criticisms, complaints and reproaches."  One Day at a Time (p. 350)

December 14th - When in trouble, quit digging the hole and ask for help.

 The story...

There was an older guy, who worked for me, that had a difficult time solving his problems with his computer models - he was modeling changes to parts that our company produced.  He'd spend hours trying to figure out his problems by himself with much wasted time and angst.  He was spending way too much time per project - he needed to either improve or move on to another type of job. 

I remember meeting with him, in his office, to discuss the types of problems that he had.  Some were dealing with infrequent exceptions to the design process that had special causes.  Some were due to his methods that were different than the ones that he was trained to perform.  Some were due to misconceptions regarding the computer-aided-design process.  Some were due to terminology that he didn't understand.  Some were due to actual design issues that he didn't have to consider when he was drawing with paper and pencil.  Some were due to a sort of uneasiness with his ability to perform his job with a computer that was forced upon him - he felt that he wasn't capable or valued by the group.

We better understood each other after we met a few times in his office.  We came up with a solution that included retraining on a few modules.  We worked out arrangements, with three other designers, to ask for help when needed - he came to them with the problem clearly defined.  "Timing" rules minimized his propensity to spin his wheels while "hoping" for a solution.  The process included: 1st, take a few minutes to identify and clarify the problem; 2nd, review the training material; 3rd, seek help from one of the three available designers depending on their specialty;  4th, call the software company help desk; 5th, come to me, his manager, to both alert me and to ask for additional support. 

He followed the new process and his performance and attitude improved - problem solved.  Yet, I'm not sure what the main cause of his problem was.   Might much of the help come by being understood, valued, helped, and restored to a fully engaging group member - the Hawthorne effect?  We learned a lesson together - I became both a better person and manager in those few weeks.

Those attending the only church in town will learn that God listens to prayers and requests even though he knows about all situations in advance.  For those who are right with Him, He will either fulfill the request or give in accordance to His will.  His will is supremely better and right in His timing.  He cares for us, His creatures, and has plans for both this life and our eternity to follow - scripture says so.

Just for today...

". . . answers came not from books, but from mutual caring and thinking out loud with someone you felt comfortable with."  One Day at a Time (p. 349)

"If I'm not careful, I overwhelm myself with all the various things I could change and I become paralyzed by inaction. It helps to pray for knowledge of exactly what God wants me to change at any given moment."  Hope for Today (p. 349)

December 13th - Be thankful

The story...

I grew up in a small USA town with two parents, four siblings, all my needs taken care of, regular involvement in a church, vacations away from home, a learning environment, and expectations of graduating from high school and going to college to become whoever I wanted to be.  Wow ... what could I possibly have complained about?  Well, there was always somebody glorying themselves -polishing, displaying and proclaiming the glory of their attributes that they imagined to be true. - ongoing attempts to glorify self.

As I ponder eternity past, eternity future, and an expectation of living but one life on this earth; each breath is an amazing reality - something to be thankful for.  And, I'm so thankful that God provided the answer for that self-absorbing darkness that seems to drif around and through people too.  

The only church in town might share a video like "There's a Dragon in my Nativity." They'll share the story of when our Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ came to our earth to redeem us from the darkness that's so offensive to our most Holy God - His attributes are obviously worthy of glory.  The congregation will share a better more fruitful way to live out this life and eternity in Christ  - man . . .  that's good news!.

Just for today...

"At no point in my life will I achieve perfection; there will never be a time when I will not need the joy and satisfaction of helping others."  One Day at a Time (p. 348)

"What would happen if I started thinking God when problems occurred?  At first I had to force myself to say 'Thank you, God,' through clenched teeth. By and by, my teeth unlocked and I replaced self-pity with gratitude. I truly began to live."  Courage to Change (p. 348)

December 12th - Love yourself to more fully love others? How?

The story...

Did I need to perform well in order to be loved?  I didn't match the "ideal" person that "we" wanted to be. And, it seemed that my parents were constantly pushing me to be something better than what I was.  I know that I wanted to be loved yet the close relationships were elusive - they remained distant until I graduated from high school.

Growing up, I was smarter than the average kid.  My dad had a respectful job and my needs were met.  We had a bigger boat and newer car than most. They took us on vacations - four states away and to Canada too.  They volunteered and supported our boy scouts and girl scouts activities.  They taught us to be thrifty and capable - prepared for the future. They made sure that we went to church and were prepared to go away to college.  They did the parenting job well.  Yet, my heart wanted more - to love and be loved.

The only church in town will be a place where people learn to love themselves gracefully as God does through Christ.  These loved people will be more capable and free to love others in relationships that require grace.  Grace, undeserved favor that comes from a power source - the Spirit of God. 

Just for today...

"How great is the human need for a scapegoat, someone or something to blame for our disappointments . . . at least part of my unhappiness is due to the way I reacted . . . 'nothing can work damage to me except myself.'"  One Day at a Time (p. 347)

"I had to deal with my old resentments . . . It took discipline and courage to stop pushing every adult away . . . I can love them for who they are, instead of who I think they should be."  Courage to Change (p. 347)

"I wasn't really aware of myself . . .When I learned to love the person I found - myself - I started to perceive and love myriad qualities in the people around me."  Hope for Today (p. 347)

December 11th - A season for places and things

The story...

People invested much of their lives building, improving, and sustaining that manufacturing plant.  They learned their first job after practice and soon became an integral part of the team.  They learned how to do some maintenance and later were able to diagnose what was likely wrong.  They campaigned for, and helped install, that new machine that would help them produce more product with accuracy and precision.  They wore their plant logo on their hat and their association with that plant formed much of their identity.  "I've worked at the _____ plant at company A for X years."  It was s part of who they were.

Then the decision came to shut down the plant.  They'd heard rumors before yet the decision came as a shock.  Hadn't they done everything they were asked to do?  Wasn't their life investment valued?  What do they mean when they say that our plant was no longer competitive?  Whose responsible for this?

The manufacturing plant was a tool for producing products that customers wanted and needed.  It was a tool, purchased with borrowed capital $, to produce a profit.  Leaders of the company were responsible for investing the limited capital funds to both pay the bills and to reward the people - those who worked the processes and those who loaned their capital $ for a season. Capitalism does incent change and growth - change and growth is hard for many of us humans.

The only church in town will have people who will want to "do church" just as their parents did.  They want things to be as they remembered - something that you can count on.  They will be excited about new movements like "Promise Keepers" was in the 1990s - it was wonderful and right in its time and place.  The Aim remains the same yet the places, processes, and ways of doing stuff must change. 

Just for today...

"Since there are difficulties with which I must live, the only real answer is to seek the serenity to accept the things I cannot change . . .  Money won't buy serenity; in fact, I'd probably have a whole new set of problems and decisions if a fortune ever did fall into my lap."  Courage to Change (p. 346)

December 10th - How about getting it together - together?

The story...

"I can't believe that you vote like that. I thought you were a better person. How could you do that? Aren't you a Christian?"  Yes, I was shunned by a group for presenting positions, from the "other" party, with a "best foot forward."  My position was that "they" were working toward good and just principles even if their means for funding and implementing the changes may be perceived as idealistic, unsustainable or suboptimal. The part that stung was the not so subtle reference that I must not be a Christian if I was on the side of the other party - they were shunning me for offering respect and understanding. I ended up at the governing board of the group challenging anyone to stand up and support their opinion that people from the other party were errant, naive, and wayward - needing correction.  No one stood up - this was a good moment of reckoning.  I didn't hear anyone speak like that for a season, yet the groupthink and judgement of "the other guys," crept back in.  I guess it's part of the human nature and another example of the undermining force of "groupthink."

It seems good that government would stay true to it's constitution, standardize what works, slow to change the things that work for so many; yet, run change experiments to test new ideas.  It's hard to know all of the implications of a change to a system in advance.  They'd try change plans out before institutionalizing them.  They'd plan the change, do the change on a small scale, check for effectiveness, and standardized the parts that worked - make them an integral part of the new system.  Wouldn't it be good for both parties to honestly test how the other guy's ideas might work together?  I expect that each side would learn much in the process.

The only church in town will have much leeway within the boundaries of God's revealed Word.  They'll keep first things first and work out their faith in an honest and faithful way.  That includes recognition that all men are born sinners who fall short of the glory of God - faith in Christ's redeeming work transforms them into a new creature who's able to commune with God in the present - born again.  Surely, we continue to live in the world with bodies that tempt us to live self-satisfying lives; yet, our prayer and communing with God restores us to that best working condition of being in Christ.

Just for today...

"Where in the past I have allowed unacceptable behavior, I can not choose a different response . . . Today I have the courage and faith to be true to myself, whether or not others like or agree with me."  Courage to Change (p. 345)

"Let me observe, with new interest even the commonplace things that happen in each new day."  One Day at a Time (p. 345)

December 9th - "I'm good when I'm loved and loving."

The story...

I've often discussed and pontificated on what the good life is and how it might be obtained in reality.  Why not "try" to work out our good-life code each day?  The list of reasons why is long and not so distinguished: contrary feelings, secret hopes, distant relationships, jealousy, security needs, physical pain, haunting memories, thoughts of grandeur, whimsical fantasies, failings of others, the next new thing, boredom, discouragement...  I've come to terms with the idea that I'm not naturally good - I need intervention in order to be the "good" man whom I've enjoyed being with on occasions. 

So, when do I find myself good?  I'm good when I'm loved and loving.  Yet, how might I be good if I and others aren't lovable by nature?  It's a gift of God - He's got the power that indwells those who walk rightly and humbly with Him in Christ - praise God that we can abide in this reality.

The only church in town will proclaim that we're lovable by God, ourselves, and others when we're positioned with, and related to, the Son of Man, our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ, our Messiah.  He alone can save us from the tyrannical rule of self - yes, our sinful nature separates us from our most Holy God.  He actually paid the death penalty for sin on our behalf - I'm declared righteous in Christ!

Just for today...

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing."  Albert Schweitzer

December 8th - "I thought you wanted to be an Uber driver?"

The story...

A friend of mine took on an Uber-driver job to earn some extra cash.  He earned the cash, yet more importantly, he expanded his knowledge of people, possibilities, and developed a propensity toward doing rather than merely pontificating and opinionating.  His personal growth from serving and respectfully communicating with a large variety of people was transforming.  Based on his success, I asked the Uber drivers who served me if they experienced similar benefits - they all did.  So, why don't I do the same with some of my open time as a retired engineer/teacher?

Yes, the Uber job seems to be a good fit for me.  I enjoy conversing with, caring for, and learning from other people.  And, I expect that the job would support my values: humility, service, respect, kindness...  I've the time available and I enjoy being with people.  If a friend asked me to drive them somewhere, I'd be happy and pleased to drive them.  So, I've decided to do it.  Yet, my car wasn't a good fit.  So, I ordered a 2024 Ford Maverick hybrid as a first step - the choice delayed my decision.  Strangely, the demand being far greater than supply resulted in my waiting for about two years for my small pickup truck.  My excuse for doing nothing was gone.  Will I find another excuse not to do this good thing?

Recently, I asked friends of mine if they thought that it would be okay for me to buy a "gaming" computer - I offered my justification.  All of them said that it seemed like a good idea, with caution, and only one challenged me: "This sounds like you might be isolating during that computer gaming time, I thought you were planning to serve and grow, in a humble way, as an Uber driver."  What a good friend - yes, we all need good friends.  I plan on starting Uber driving in March 2024 with my 2024 Ford Maverick - I'm motivated and excited about the possibilities.  Who knows what might happen?

The only church in town will offer "the" good reason to live, the best way to live, friendships and ways to work out faith in service.  Like my Uber choice, why not engage in your church community now?

Just for today...

"Am I heaping up resentments, excuses, and regrets that have the potential to destroy me?  I don't have to be buried under them before I address my own problems. I can begin today."   Courage to Change (p. 343)

December 7th - If your code is to "seek pleasure" - what will likely happen?

The story...

I've tried to make myself feel better by eating more, recreating a pleasant place in time, replacing something I own with something better, or even working towards a goal on my Apple watch.  I expect there are many similar, yet peculiar to you, things that you might add to your list.

Watch this YouTube video at your own risk - ain't giving you the link

When I'm seeking pleasure to make me feel better, I know my relationship with God isn't right - sin has crept into my life once again.  I know this is true about me when I kneel down to pray in quiet meditation.  My desires for pleasure melt away and I begin again to experience: love joy, peace patience, kindliness, goodness, gentleness and self control - fruit of the Spirit of God.

The only church in town will preach, teach, and work out God's Way for living the good life - its not characterized by self-actualizing and seeking pleasure.  Walking honestly and humbly with your righteous God is the best place to be but an unrighteous man like me can't do it on his own.  I'm with Him in Christ - it requires your belief in Him and His provision for you in Christ. 

Just for today...

"I used to think that being good to myself meant eating whatever I wanted, buying anything that caught my eye, sleeping only a few hours a night, and avoiding any activities that weren't fun or exciting. The trouble was that consequences were very uncomfortable, and when I let myself think about it, I felt I was wasting my life."  Courage to Change (p. 342)

"Speak your truth quietly and clearly; listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they, too, have their story."  One Day at a Time (p. 342)

"Serenity is the sure knowledge of God's unconditional love for me. It is an acceptance of myself that flows from God's approving embrace."  Hope for Today (p. 342)

December 6th - Can you help me make sense of my emotions without reacting?

The story...

They made a rude and self-centered verbal attack on the character of a person who I deeply cared for.  Multiple emotions rushed into my mind.  I reacted quickly by cutting down the speaker with sharp and hurtful words - my message couldn't be ignored and our relationship was damaged.  The exchange may have been justified yet the relationship damage was hurtful and painful.  An emotionally intelligent person may have used the conversation as a means to more subtly allow the other person to see their error and deal with it in their own way - saving face.

I've heard it said that our emotions will last about 90 seconds if we don't feed them.  If that's true, then within 90 seconds we can choose to either: ignore the feeling, pretend it isn't real, evaluate it rationally, equate it with another feeling, choose to remember it for later reference, react positively or negatively to it, or begin the recurring process of obsessively thinking about it.  Oh... how many hours I've painfully wasted obsessively thinking about a relationships gone bad.

Might we put each emotion out in the light of day and examine it in real time - it'll be gone in 90 seconds.  Often I'm surprised at a reality it's exposed - often one that I've ignored.  Emotions are truly another sense that we've been gifted with - part of the joy of being uniquely human.  This is one lesson that I wish a benefactor would have decided and endeavored to teach me - my need to understand my emotions must've been obvious to some.  Maybe they saw that I needed to be "broken" first.

The only church in town will contain wise and capable mentors who'll be able to meet us where we are - by the grace of God.  Those who can relate to our position and condition as it more truly is.  They'll care because of the grace bestowed on them by "That Than Which There is No Greater" in Christ - gracefully.

Just for today...

"Anger can give me an illusion of power. For a little while I may feel I have control over my situation and over other people, but that kind of false security always lets me down."  Courage to Change (p. 341)

"He needs much help who thinks he can compel others to do what seems right to him."  One Day at a Time (p. 341)

December 5th - Who understands my heart but God?

The story...

My parents brought me to Sunday school for about ten years and I chose to attend summer bible camp after I accepted Christ as my savior, when I was about eight.  I actively read the gospels after a period of brokenness in 1980.  And, in 1981, I actively engaged in bible study with Bill Job's "ekklesia" in Oak Ridge, TN.  I'm so thankful for all of my teachers, mentors, co-sojourners, and friends along the way.  One of my key learnings was that God knows our hearts and the condition of our hearts makes all the difference.

"But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God does not see as man sees, since man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”   1 Samuel 16:7 (NASB)

"And Jesus, perceiving their thoughts, said, 'Why are you thinking evil in your hearts?'"  Matthew 9:4 (NASB)

"For who among people knows the thoughts of a person except the spirit of the person that is in him? So also the thoughts of God no one knows, except the Spirit of God."  1 Corinthians 2:11 (NASB)

I am so thankful for my faith and the opportunities that I've been given to share the realities of my faith with others.  I especially appreciated the nine years where I served as both a 3rd-4th and 4th-5th grade Sunday-school teacher.  And, I currently appreciate my close friends in-Christ and leading a group of faithful men within Bible Study Fellowship (BSF).

Bible cover gift from my 3rd-5th grade class

The only church in town will lead people to accept God's gracefully given gift of redemption - the Way for our hearts to be reconciled with God.  They'll read that our hearts are seen by God as white as snow.  They'll share the good news that our righteous God cleanses us from our sin-death penalty through the sacrifice of His Son, my Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ.  He knows me with a cleansed heart - praise God!

Just for today...

"I was sure there had to be somebody in this world who would understand my every mood, always have time for me, and bring a smile to my face . . . my fantasy showed itself to be no more than a shadow. Reality presented a different picture entirely . . . What was I doing with their love? It seemed to me I was brushing it aside for that one imaginary person, or worse, not noticing it all."   Courage to Change (p. 340)

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'thank you,' that would suffice."  Meister Eckhart

"Were the challenges and losses in my life actually gifts God had chosen carefully for me so that I might grow spiritually? I knew it to be so, and I felt simultaneously humbled and overwhelmed with gratitude for the nature of God's love for me."  Hope for Today (p. 340)

December 4th - Value feelings without them controlling

The story...

In my college cafeteria, I picked up my banana split and threw it across the table at a "friend" who wouldn't stop throwing peas in it.  I witnessed my best friend yell at a fast-food window because "they" were "making us" late.  I threw the phone across the room and it smashed into the fireplace.  I insisted that the group fish the way that I thought was best even though the group didn't want to.  I picked up my toys and I went home.  A person who I cared about was acting irrationally and I didn't pause to think why.  I wonder if my life would've been less difficult and more fulfilling if I'd better understood and considered our emotions - to be more emotional intelligent. 

Colman A (2008) described Emotional intelligence (EI) as "the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. People with high emotional intelligence can recognize their own emotions and those of others, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, and adjust emotions to adapt to environments."  Emotions sound like a power that a "Super Hero" might have.  To ignore them, pretend they don't exist, treat them as unwanted noise, or react to them without thinking, seems foolish and even irrational.

I expect that Boy Scouts had to be emotionally intelligent in order to follow their oath.  "A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent."  Yeah, I was a Boy Scout and wanted to be like that then as I still do today.

The only church in town will be a group of people with the same "North Star" guiding them - faith in God and His provision for us His creatures.  They'll have different resources, capabilities, backgrounds, personalities, emotional intelligence...   And, their sins that cause hurt and pain will be like "grit" that erodes and scars relationships - our emotions will confirm the presence of both sin and love.  Maybe sin's presence will lead the group to receive God's grace, love and mercy with great joy.

Just for today...

"I am a wealth of contradictions. I can value all of my feelings without allowing them to dictate my actions. Today I can feel anger toward someone and still love them. I can feel afraid of new experiences, yet move forward toward them. I can survive being hurt without giving up on love. And I can experience sadness and still be confident that I will be happy again."  Courage to Change (p. 339)

December 3rd - Turning stuff, outside your control or influence, over to God

The story...

Life has taught me that I don't know what's best in many or most situations. The best that I can hope for is to apply something that seemed to work well in similar situations.  It's especially likely that I'll choose a suboptimal course of action if it involves something that I'm comfortable with, allows me to apply a skill that I've developed, if it uses the tool(s) at hand, brings positive attention towards myself, pleasures me, or is consistent with my limited knowledge.  Actually, I think that I'm a good decision maker yet I'm prone to make biased-suboptimal decisions while hoping for a very cloudy picture of what the future might best hold.

I once taught a graduate class on forecasting with mathematical models.  It involved identifying causal and non-causal data related to key outcomes, weighting historical data, measuring trends, discovering seasonality, and the testing of these time-series models with both historical and current reality - always concerned that these data were recorded accurately and precise enough.  A good model's helpful for planning a manufacturing enterprise within varying: environments, materials, Geopolitics, competitors, and the actual behavior of all the people involved - sometimes it seems difficult if not impossible to do "good" enough.  Our omniscient God knows - but I, his creature, do not - "A man's got to know his limitations."

Most of us believe that a virtuous life is better than a non-virtuous one. Yet, I value honesty and integrity while others plan on lying as necessary in an effort to achieve more favorable outcomes - insecure people work out their lives differently within their ever-changing environments.  Situations and their related decisions are rarely black-and-white - they seem cloudier and greyer with spots of sunshine peaking through.

The only church in town will tell the believers that God's trustworthy and He cares for each of us.  You can trust Him for the stuff that's outside your control and influence.  When trusting God, your able to live a more restful peaceful, and hopeful and life.   A life that appreciates the past, lives in the present, and trusts God for the future.  It's a great thing to walk through this life in favor with God in Christ.  Why not fellowship with your Creator and Father now?

Just for today...

"I found it relatively easy to make a decision to turn over my will and my life to God. However, I didn't have any  idea how to actually do it."  Hope for Today (p. 338)   The author goes on to suggest a "God Box" and "Basketball Technique."  I have done, and do, both.  You can find a copy of the book to learn more if you so choose.  

"Speculating on other people's attitudes and motives is a waste of time and effort. To search out the reasons for my own is a voyage of discovery!"  One Day at a Time (p. 338)

"Meditation is higher spiritual awareness . . . a quiet place . . . beyond my thoughts . . . attention on the present day only, leaving the past and the future alone."   Courage to Change (p. 338)

December 2nd - What I wanted from dad came from . . .

The story...

I'm told that my motives for much of what I've done, and thought, came from a desire to please, or even be like, my father.   I discovered that this was at least partially true after my dad passed away - I discovered I no longer had a desire to fish.   Fishing seemed purposeless without sharing the "best" experiences with my dad - he liked hearing those stories and freely expressed positive emotions directed toward me.  The fishing and story telling were part of my ongoing search for his love and approval - he wasn't capable of fully meeting my needs.  I even bought this shirt last year mainly because it looked like one I remembered him wearing - strangely, I don't wear it..

Like many, I've enjoyed much of Bruce Springsteen's music since my college years.  The songs resonated with what I was experiencing - deep down in my soul - "Born to Run" and his album "Nebraska."  I was surprised to hear that much of what he did was an effort to be like his dad and win his approval.  You can hear the music, drama, and story worked out in his Netflix NYC play "Springsteen on Broadway."  He returned to his roots but it wasn't the same.

My dad was my first idea of what God must be like - my Father.  Sadly, he was just a man with strengths and weaknesses.   I was discouraged when I discovered his weaknesses and didn't receive the love and acceptance that I longed for.  Did I deserve his love?  I was placing my hopes in the wrong place - other people introduced me to my Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ - I am so... thankful that these people loved me enough to show me the Way.

Come to the only church in town and learn about the Way.  If you know the Way, then work out your faith in actualities.  If you've worked out your faith, then share it with a young man like I was - please...

Just for today...

"I was setting goals that others wanted me to achieve . . . My decisions were based on what others wanted so I could make them love and accept me . . . I thought if I said and did everything my parents wished, I would finally earn their love and attention."  Hope for Today (p. 337)

"Not one thing has ever improved as a result of my mental criticism. All it does is keep my mind on someone other than me . . . What would happen if I took my list of criticisms and applied it, gently, to myself?" Courage to Change (p. 337)

December 1st - Caring for others "in secret?"

The story...

Why is it helpful to keep our kind deeds or gifts secret?  Maybe it prevents unhealthy attachment to others for our own sake or benefit?  Maybe giving in secret helps us model outwardly an inward hope or reality in our hearts?  Maybe it allows us to actually experience the offering of love to another person - experiencing grace?   Maybe it's an outward way to resist our central tendency to promote and protect self?  Maybe it feels right because it intrinsically consistent with a good heart?

“1. Take care not to practice your righteousness in the sight of people, to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven. 2. So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, so that they will be praised by people. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. 3. But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4. so that your charitable giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."  Matthew 6:1-4  (NASB)

Matthew exposes a selfish motive for giving and suggests an abnormal alternative.  This secret type of giving may be evidence of a good heart - one who does not need the approval of others or is worried about not having enough.  At a minimum, it describes a heart that wants to walk right with God and their fellow man - loving your neighbors as yourself.

The only church in town will proclaim God's truth, shining light on the darkness around us, making sense of even our motives behind giving.  It'll be a place where people can come to a right position with God in Christ.  Then they're able to work out this life with a confident hope - characterized by love and joy expressed from their innermost beings.  One that might naturally give in secret - gracefully.  Yet, much of these internal realities will be hidden within guarded people who work out their lives within a world that's dark - without reason for hope.

Just for today...

"Have I made progress in my effort to correct my faulty attitudes? Have I let discouragement plunge me back into my old habit patterns? When something I did had consequences that made life difficult for me, did I try to blame someone else?"  One Day at a Time (p. 336)

"I began to see that my way of caring often meant reacting and manipulating. I'd do something nice for someone because I wanted to be liked . . . Sometimes I wanted to attach myself and feed off someone mentally, emotionally, and spiritually . . . Sometimes what I call "love" is really just control."  Hope for Today (p. 336)