November 26th - Relationship Sweet Spots - Good Vibrations

The story...

Close relationships have been a very important part of my life - likely why this post took so many words to explain.  Relationships require an investment of my whole person for focused periods of time.  Here's the glue that seems to help them grow within my life walk:

• Who: similar personalities and journeys - ages from 35 younger to five older
• What: naturally balanced listening and sharing - share what is and may be
• Where: coffee shop, restaurant, church, or mail
• When: monthly person-to-person - convenient time of day - one to two+ hours
• Why:  honest life shares - giving & receiving - growing together
• How: sharing equally with few unrequested opinions - like a good game of tennis

How's a strong relationship like a good game of tennis?  You share equally and often like a tennis volley with an information-packet ball.  Each is respected or you won't continue to play.  You'll periodically meet at mutually agreeable times and courts.  You'll have similar expectations for volleying conversation.  You'll accommodate your partner's quirks and limitations.  You'll enjoy returning their shot from your racquet's sweet-spot at a similar energy levels.  The conversation will be invigorating as if you're fully both connected; yet, independent too.

Please don't turn the joyful relationship into a win-lose game like tennis may be.  I heard Maryland's football coach once say his team's "care factor" was excellent.  The "care factor" measure correlated closely with success.  Close friends would measure their relationships high on the care-factor scale.

The sweet-spot of the racquet is where the vibrations of the racquet cancel out and the forces are more fully transferred into the ball return.  Those vibrations are irritating, fatiguing and even harmful to our bodies.  Yes, a good conversation and a good tennis volley are similar.  We all know how fatiguing unwanted "vibes" between people can be.  Bad vibes aren't okay within a close relationship - they continually wear down, erode, and destroy relationships.

The only church in town will be one group with a kind of personality of it's own.  There'll be sub-groups that'll have their own personalities too.   Within these "purposed" groups you'll find opportunities to develop friendships with people more like you.  These relationships will be like honestly walking side-by-side through life.  Discussions will likely engage the mind, senses, feelings, inner-man, and spirit too.  When our journey strays off track, a friend can help us "wake up" and return to the better way.

We're blinded to spiritual reality when we focus on ourselves and ignore who we actually are as creatures - creatures created by a living and active God.  He's interested and powerfully working through our todays, tomorrows, and our eternal future too - He says so.  Experiencing a relationship with Him in Christ is like no other - "I'm with Him."

Just for today...

"... we don't tell anybody what to do. People only accept and use advice they're ready for . . . When I am asked for advice, I know only what I would do if I were faced with the same problem, and not what would be right for another."  One Day at a Time (p. 331)

"I learned to trust no one, to stay silent at all costs, to stuff my feelings, never to stand up for myself, to take on more responsibility than I could handle, to love conditionally, and to tell white lies to cover up my home life. No wonder as an adult I perceived that close interpersonal relationships were like constantly moving targets.  Usually I was the one who was moving because I lacked the skills to develop and maintain healthy adult relationships."  Hope for Today (p. 331)

"He serves; She receives - Returns follow; Swings adapt."
"Volley sustained; Connected pair - Two as one; Wholly together."   Am I a Poet?

November 25th - Imagined reality - bent truth

The story...

Is it wise to imagine and create a positive self image?  Why not choose a better identity and change how you wish to be perceived?  You could plan and execute the change.  Through interpersonal strength, you'd hold onto, and defend, the imagined reality even if it required bending the truth.  Is that what it takes to be perceived as a good actor and reap rewards within the game of life?  Sadly, imagined realities and stories don't mesh well with others who're doing the same.  So, you might work to influence, manipulate, or control them so that they support your story.  Treat them like supporting actors in the story of "me."  It's hard to write this, let alone read it aloud - my inner-man seems like that.

Surely, living alongside other selfish people can be harsh.  It may seem reasonable to adopt a self-created role that allows us to get along while "trying" meet our own needs.  When efforts to get along don't work, we may pick up our toys and go home - stay isolated.  We might seek warmth and comfort by wrapping up in that old-raggedy blanket of our self image - sounds a bit cold and Grinchy.

The only church in town will share God's revealed Word about the nature that we were born with - that selfish, self-sustaining, and self-promoting nature who thinks of me first.  They'll hear about what God did to redeem His creatures, pay our God-offensive sin debts, so that we might walk through this life and eternity with our most holy God and Father - peacefully.  Wow, they'll hear that good news there - "the" story to know and share.

Just for today...

"Sometimes the greatest growth comes through pain, but it's not the pain that helps me grow, it's my response to it.  Will I suffer through the experiences and continue as before or let the pain inspire change that helps me grow?"  Courage to Change (p. 330)

"Imagined greatness; Happiness to garner - Resist His truth; Life dwindles afar."   Am I a Poet?

November 24th - Getting better or worse - nobody stays the same

The story...

A wise guy told me that about their habit of seeking to discover at least one thing of value from every conversation.  Looking for those "golden nuggets" helped him to listen, and stay engaged, in what might've been a boring or taxing conversation.  The speaker likely appreciated the attentive listener - albeit offered with a selfish motive.  Yes, this is one way to win friends and influence people for your benefit - and the speaker gets heard as well.  Everybody wins - right?

The self-help book craze peaked in the 1960s and continued strong for decades.  Yet, trying or acting to be somebody different than who you actually are is wrought with problems.  Being a good actor in life, who's well received by others, seems like a good path; yet, being that good person and working out that reality more naturally seems better to me.  There're reasons to believe we need to "fake it to make it" - how else do we become who we want to be?

There will be authentically good people who are interested in us, "yes you," within the only church in town.  Some will be redeemed - walking more rightly and humbly with God - we'll be compelled to listen to their conversation, heart, and spirit/Spirit connection.  When we experience the power of God  . . . we won't desire better.  Surely, that natural part of us will cause us to drift away; but, He doesn't leave His adopted sons and daughters there long.  He loves those that are His.  The first and second greatest commandments is living within this "sweet spot" of life.

Just for today...

"How many have given me a constructive idea to take away with me and use? That is the only measure of a truly valuable meeting."  One Day at a Time (p. 329)

"What can I do by day's end to improve myself? Is there something I can learn? Is there some challenge I can meet? Is there some old tired fear I can walk through and be rid of?"  Courage to Change (p. 329)

"Eyes see me; Ears truly hear - Mutual care; Preciously near."
"Opportunity knocked; Resist or be - Lower the armor; Lovingly see."   Am I a Poet

November 23rd - Identify, apply, and disposition the fear(s)

The story...

Lumbar defects were physical problem(s) that led me to feel: anxious, whiney, and powerless against them.  The fear also caused my really-strong back muscles to tighten up and compress my spine.  The "tightening" exasperated the problem and accelerated degradation - may lead to unrepairable nerve damage too.  Worrying doesn't "not hurt" and likely adds to future "hurt."

Worrying, anxiety, and fear may accelerate back pain.  Are worrying, anxiety, and fear ever warranted?  Truly, these emotions can spur us on towards a better course of action.  Fear-motivated life changes may result in pain avoidance.  It took me about a week to stop whining about the resurrected back pain - I experienced it about 15 years before.  Can we behave more "emotionally intelligent?"  It's possible to sense our emotions, better understand them, and disposition them when they've served their purposes.

With regards to my back problems; the medical system is designed to do what I can't do for myself.  Truly, the process needs my attention and involvement; but, they intervene to effect the change.  Most care givers seemed to love me along the way - they gave me what I needed.  Their care felt real good - kinda like receiving love.

There are some life truths that I don't want to face today.  For those, a reasonable amount of anxiety will help me remember and motivate me to action - to move forward or change.  It does make sense to be "in tune" with our emotions.  Taking that first step can be real hard.  I'm thankful for friends who shine the light of reality on our conditions.  We have a history of people caring for us.  Their kind intervention can be interpreted as love.

Many within the only church in town will be "okay" enough to listen to and care for their fellow pilgrims.  They'll actually hear other's words, emotions, self stories, and needs.   This inter-person care is a great part of being in the Body of Christ and walking rightly with God  (Micah 6:8).

Just for today...

"Just for today I will not be afraid of anything. If my mind is clouded with nameless dreads, I will track them down and expose their unreality . . . God is in charge of me and mine."  One Day at a Time (p. 328)

"I kissed her tears away, the way I wanted her to do for me when I was a child . . . I held her, and we cried together in joy and love."  Hope for Today (p. 328)

"Feelin truly sad; Can't say so - Nobody cares; Hidden woe."
"Best friend listens; Reflects veiled truth - Feeling to action; Held since youth."   Am I a Poet?

November 22nd - Rightly related to God?

The story...

I prefer a day: waking up at a consistent time with thankfulness; planning for & doing good; being honest - grounded in reality; loving me & others; exercising my body & mind - strengthening each; saying yes more than no; being quiet; dispatching potentially obsessive thinking within five minutes; tuning into my virtual spiritual radio - albeit the station's "staticy;" giving; being kind & receiving kindness; feeding my body & soul; seeking to understand before being understood; walking forward on my pilgrimage alongside close friends; and being a person through whom God is active.  Yet, my free will chooses to do differently each day.  Why?

My noble motives for behaving differently, even in the opposite direction, include my: need to be safe from harm; personal protection boundaries; scarcity of resources; American dream of the good life; acceptance by others; need to fix, manage, and control other people towards my vision of "our" good; avoiding fears from the past, present, and future; desire to receive good grades from the judge(s); escape from unfavorable circumstances; pain avoidance; telling of my good life story; loyalty to my family; and justifications for the way things are - "justified."

I expect that the first paragraph is about being rightly related to God and the second paragraph is about self protection and promotion.  The first paragraph was possible because my unholy self nature was judged, found wanting, yet redeemed and reconciled with God, sin debt paid for, by God Himself in Christ - "I'm with Him."  My part was believing on God and His great redemptive work in Christ.

The second paragraph characterizes me working out life by me and for me.  Thankfully, my conscience and the Spirit of God convicts me of this wrong way of being before I cause too much harm.  He restores me daily in a loving way.  My life seems to be continuing cycles of restoration that're heading in a good direction - like we might expect a loving Father to do for those who are His.

The PDCA model is good - yet, different - standardizing & sustaining change

The only church in town will learn and know that they can respond to His calling and be His.  They'll find fellow pilgrims to walk together with through life's circumstances.  Yes, a continuing series of restorative cycles that strengthen our need for receiving love from our heavenly Father - that kind of love is infectious - It can't stay still.  Love spreads far and wide - shining revealing Light everywhere.

Just for today...

"Half an hour's meditation is essential except when you are very busy. Then a full hour is necessary."  Francis de Sales

"First I need to develop a relationship with God . . . Next, I learn to become at peace with myself . . .  I can't be that person when I'm overly controlled by guilt, fear, and resentment and negligibly aware of my gifts and talents . . . Lastly, I start acting responsibly toward others."  Hope for Today (p. 326)

"...conflicting views become merely different views, so our problems can be solved with tolerant understanding and mutual respect."  One Day at a Time (p. 326)

"What's to be; Anxious mind's plea - Presently abiding; Placid deep sea."   Am I a Poet?

November 21st - What might a "broken" person let go of?

The story...

I did my best, created a comfortable home, and tried to help those in my care to be their best.  Then something upset the game board - other people's games and the circumstances of life.  The tokens, pegs, fake money and cards were strewn about - the game of life no longer worked - it was moving in directions that I didn't plan for or expect.  There had to be a better way. 

A friend recommended that I meet with a group of people who may help me turn life's chaos into a new and better way of living.  I'm so thankful that I "Zoomed" into my first virtual meeting with them. They taught me that their efforts to fix, manage, and control other people's live is fruitless and harmful.  The only person who I was capable of changing was me.  I learned much in the first year and lived a better way the second year.  I live a different sort of life now.  I respect relationships more and allow them the dignity to live out their own lives.  I more fully trust God, and bear more fruit that both I and others enjoy.  I'm living a more humble/honest life walking more closely within our present and eternal reality.  My more trusting and open relationships enable a wonderful sort of pilgrimage towards the Celestial City together - trusting God.  It's the good stuff that eluded me during my earlier years.  Strangely, I'm soo... thankful for the brokenness that upset my boat, knocked down the house of cards, and helped me trust God.

The only church in town will be comprised of people in all stages of life.  They'll learn about the reality of life together.  Each person will have a different personality, and when together, will form a group personality too.  The personality of the group will reflect their "head" - their Lord.

Just for today...

"Some people don't know how badly they need a new way of life until disaster overtakes them."  One Day at a Time (p. 326)

"Today I know that I can't fix anyone else but myself, and I challenge myself daily to seek a richer, more meaningful life. I'm taking risks, facing fears, making changes, speaking up, making myself available to life."  Courage to Change (p. 326)

"Getting by; Making my way - Brokenness fell; Had no say."
"Dependent on God; Close friends too - Love grew up; Hope for you."   Am I a Poet?

November 20th - Why listen to, or share, my uncomfortable realities?

The story...

"What's my husbands name? . . . Do you even know how many kids I have? . . . Do you care? . . . It's all about you."  This was the stinging message that I heard from one of my trusted reports.  She was making the claim that I cared for what she could produce and not truly for her as a person.  Whoa . . . the facts were clearly true . . . but wasn't the workplace suppose to be about work, accomplishment, and my objectives?  Wait, I meant to say "our" objectives - or did I?  As a supervisor, I wasn't suppose to get too close or have favorites - was I?  I could've justified my behaviors but it didn't sit well - I knew she was speaking "her" truth.   Was it possible to be the same good man in all of my endeavors?

Surely there were good examples out there - real people who still had their skin on 'em - not merely a glorified biography of the ideal.  Then, a guy was transferred to my department.  His current supervisor suggested that I witness his performance appraisal delivery.  I was surprised to see a virtuous man, honestly and respectfully, delivering his performance assessment along with their mutual understanding of their working relationship.  Wow ... I wanted to be more like him.  That good man, leader, and friend of many, died a few years later from cancer - another life circumstance that hurt.

The only church in town will be built on relationships - less-guarded and more honest relationships.  Yet, we can't realistically expect to relate well with everyone or even most people.  We're all different and most are operating in a different stage of life.  The community will be okay and respect all people as they "be."  Yet, they'll all share within a better way - trusting in God.

Just for today...

"Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want  to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."  George Bernard Shaw

"What about those times when I heard truths about myself that left me feeling angry, embarrassed, or upset? When given the occasion to hear or speak an uncomfortable reality, I have choices. I can hear it and grow, I can share it and grow, or I can ignore it in favor of maintaining my comfort zone."  Hope for Today (p. 325)

"Comfortably distant; Safer from hurt - Justified loneliness; His way's better."   Am I a Poet?

November 19th - Am I a good actor or character in this game of life?

The story...

The career may've chose me.  Habits practiced, personality developed, and perspectives debated helped move me along my path.  My work practices, tools, and change management success carried over into other areas of life too.  I became a more flamboyant story teller and better understood through painted-mental images of what might be.  I grew more succinct and posed better question(s).  My behavior became more consistent and predictable.  Sometimes, the perspectives I presented were bent toward those of the organization rather than my own.

The burden of working out life, wearing different hats, took its toll.  The incongruity between my inner-man and the roles that I accepted was bothersome - dissatisfaction with parts of life.  Often, my life wasn't characterized as peaceful - a seemingly never-ending quest to model good behavior.  I toiled to be the best that I could be - measure up.  So, I planned the long and arduous process of earning my PhD - "then life would be great."  It was a good life change completed over 10 years and experienced over another 10 years.  I learned and grew much through: study, research, dialog, enlarging mental models, and building my share of the body of knowledge.  I taught and mentored others along their similar journeys too.  Yet, my inner-man remained in need of something more.

A period of brokenness helped me wake up and see my strife and struggles more clearly - I needed help.  The help came unexpectedly when I joined a group who experienced brokenness and were more-honestly and purposely becoming better people.  The lessons learned and applied were wonderful - I truly love(d) all those people that I grew with.  My life became more congruent, peaceful, restful, thankful, engaging, and honest too.  I became the type of friend I hoped to find.  The close friendships that I developed in the ensuing years are precious to me.

The only church in town will be a place where you'll hear about a better way to be.  You'll, meet those who are growing in a similar way and stage of life.  Over time, a few of those people may even become truly good friends who you can openly and honestly grow with.  You don't have to make close friends to live a good life but they surely add joy.  It's probably good to hold your friendships loosely or they likely won't be sustainable.  Honestly seeking to understand before being understood is a good first step toward developing those good friendships. 

Just for today...

"Friends listen; Know you more - Care and share; Walk together."
"Held loosely; Source of strength - Go away; Part of life."      Am I a Poet?

November 18th - "My life was mostly good - I'm thankful for that."

The story...

A close friend of mine met my mother, in her independent-living home, in November 2023.  I introduced him to her and they settled down to a one-hour conversation.  She shared her life story - past and present.  He in a chair and her laying comfortably in bed.  It was a great joy listening to my mother describe her life - mostly good but there was bad stuff too.  She shared her hope that her kids, grand kids, and great-grand kids would go to church.  Her greatest pain was the loss of her husband in 2011 - she described how she missed him every day.  They lived a good life and that made her happy.  The surprises and joys, in her current life, were centered around the different people that cared for her and met her needs.  "I never was around people like that, I really like them and some of them feel like friends."  That was her unexpected joy - she thought that relationships like those might be why she lived so long.

The only church in town will ideally be kinda like that independent-living home.  There will be some paid staff doing their jobs; but, most of the caring and loving will be shared among each other.  People living out their lives and faith, aligned with God's revealed Word, together.  The love my mother felt at the independent-living center surprised me each time I visited.  

What if we spent more time with the folks at church?  We might be surprised at the love we witness, receive and eventually offer to others.  Many of us are clunky and different so love might appear in unexpected and surprising ways.  Love experienced is worth it.

Just for today...

"If I can see nothing but my troubles, I am seeing with limited vision. Dwelling on these troubles allows them to control me. Of course I need to do whatever foot-work is required, but I also need to learn to let go."  Courage to Change (p. 323)

"When I'm uncommunicative or dishonest in my interactions, I set myself apart and feel rejected. Conversely, open, truthful communication nurtures feelings of trust and encourages me to participate fully in life. However, as I begin to change my old habits, fear of rejection sometimes tempts me to respond in old ways."  Hope for Today (p. 323)

"Loved my momma; She sustained me - Loved me tall; We were we."
"She passed on; Achy yet aware - Thankfully abiding; In God's care."   Am I a Poet?

November 17th - Why serve others?

The story...

I was asked to serve on my county's Child and Family Services governing board.  He wanted me to ensure that this large receiver of public funds was not duplicating services and that the services were rendered effectively.  It was new and I learned much over my four years of service.  First, I learned about the organization's services, structure, processes. and the board member roles. Then, I enjoyed working with my fellow volunteers, paid non-profit leaders, and some of the actual service providers.  During my last year, I chaired the board and presented our funding request to the United Way.  I asked for the largest contribution that was requested that year - the request was approved.  The experience was great.  I'm a better person because of it - thankful to all involved.  There are so many people that care deeply for the social services within community - they're good.

What motivated me to serve within the workplace, community, or the church?  Was I seeking affirmation of my virtue or capabilities?  Was I looking for the admiration and acceptance of the group(s)?  Was I looking for awards or trophies?   Was I building a well-rounded resume?  Did I want to be counted as a good versus bad character in the "game of life?"  Was I trying to absolve my previously committed sin?  Was it a latent need to win my parent's approval?  Was I ashamed to say no?  Was I merely trying to be a good boy?

The workers within the only church in town will have a need for volunteers and service.  The noblest of motives will be offered and people will say "yes" for a variety of reasons.  When serving, we'll likely be thankful for the unexpected joy of being a bit less self-centered - actually serving and loving others.  That's part of life's unexpected, truly-good, stuff - "fruit."

Just for today...

"When I feel the call to service, I pray for knowledge of God's will for me to make sure it's not just me wanting to manipulate, control, or avoid something going on in my life."  Hope for Today (p. 322)

"...sometimes the most competent and helpful assert themselves over-strongly and so engender hostility in others . . . We penalize ourselves when we allow disapproval of another person to endanger the unity of the group."  One Day at a Time (p. 322)

"Ya like me?; This I care - Rejection hurts; So I beware."
"Eyes off self; Helps me see - More going on; Than just me."     Am I a Poet?

November 16th - God help me!

The story...

When my soul ached with hurt, pain, and sadness.  The kind of pressure that slowly built up until it felt like a balloon under pressure - it had to be released before it might burst.  I learned that I sometimes needed to express my pain, strong emotions, and request for relief aloud - I mean really loud.   This meant that I needed to be alone in the house, deep in the woods on a hike, or even by myself at the end of our pier that juts out into Lake Michigan.  I let my pain rip and prayed earnestly, and loudly, for resolution, grace, mercy, justice, or healing.  My outward expression of my inner condition seemed right and good - the crying out often left me feeling more peaceful, content and thankful.

The only church in town will cry out to the Lord in times of distress and need - scripture says He hears and has the power to act according to what's best for each person and community too (Psalms 119:169; 142:1; Ezekiel 9:4; Matthew 20:30; Acts 7:60; and Hebrews 5:7).  He wants us to pray even though He doesn't really need us to - it's something about our relationship.  The only church in town will cry out in thankfulness and praise as they see God's faithfulness, love, and unlimited power worked out.

Just for today...

"It seems strange, when I think of it, that God is most vivid to my consciousness when I am in the depths of despair, and all I can say to Him is: 'God help me!'"  One Day at a Time (p. 319)

"You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fulness of your joy."  Kahlil Gibran: The Prophet

"Life pressed on; Stooped of strain - Cried to Lord; Relieve my pain!"
"It lingered; Sustain He can - Trusted His power; Far-better man."   Am I a Poet?

November 15th - Love and respect requires cycles of restoration

The story...

I watched the Netflix series about the book Anne of Green Gables.  The book's a classic for a reason - the story teaches us much about life in a way that rings true. The protagonist, Anne, writes and prints an article for her school newspaper about justice and fairness.  She tries to make amends with a girl who takes offense with the article - it damaged her reputation.  The girl cuttingly says something like: "How could a person of a trashy upbringing like you know anything about fairness and justice?"  Anne thoughtfully and respectfully responded that she was the same person now as she was then.  She was worthy of love then and now - she always knew she deserved love but hadn't experience it.

"Ann with an 'E'" - Netflix series/

The only church in town will practice love and respect according to the grace and mercy that God the Father so freely offers us within the Lord Jesus the Christ.  Every man, woman, and child may experience love and respect.  Will church discipline be necessary when self-centered people hurt each other?  The discipline would be thoughtfully delivered along with love and respect - the aim would be to practice justice and fairness.  Cycles of forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration will be ongoing.  Selfish bent people will walk together towards the same great hope.  The congregates will be thankful that God loves them, His creatures, and sustains them with grace, mercy, love, forgiveness and all power.

Just for today...

"I realized that the look, tone, or mood of another person toward me often has nothing to do with me . . . my extreme sensitivity is a form of conceit - I think I am the focus of everyone's actions. Am I so important that everything that goes on around me must have something to do with me? . . . what other people did and said reflected on them; what I did and said reflected on me."  Courage to Change (p. 320)

"It's not men's acts which disturb us - but our reaction to them. Take these away and anger goes. No wrong act of another can bring shame on you."  Marcus Aurelius

"When I feel a call for service, I pray for knowledge of God's will for me to make sure it's not just me wanting to manipulate, control, or avoid something going on in my life."  Hope for Today (p. 320)

"Words reflect me; Spew from mouth - Unhearing heart; Offensive to all."
"Sin debt toted; Heavy and sad - God's revealed Light; His loving Son."   Am I a Poet?

November 14th - My survival skills

The story...

Most of us developed survival skills to make it through K-12 - our elementary, junior, and high school years.  Was high school when I was expected to learn and experience what I needed to be a full-functioning member of society?  The graduation speech said that we had limitless potential within the United States of America.  What did I do over those 13 learning years?

• Learned to obey the teacher, complete assignments, and value good grades.
• Progressed through boy scouts to the rank of "Life Scout."
• Fulfilled the job requirements of a paper delivery boy for 4 yrs. - wasn't motivated to sell new subscriptions but faithfully delivered the papers and collected the money.
• Built a large wooden tool box, smashed my thumb with a hammer, sewed my own reversible vest, and cooked potato soup.in junior-high shop class.
• Completed drivers education and was awarded a drivers license.
• Fulfilled the requirements of a drug store general worker and delivery boy for 2 yrs.  Crashed their cars several times.
• Developed friends - mostly from band and work experiences.
• Completed all the math classes offered and survived the English classes.
• Fell in love multiple times; yet, didn't experience the boy-girl closeness that I longed for.
  
  

My High School

Who was I at that graduation ceremony?

• Accepted Christ as my Savior at eight.
• Learned a work ethic and financial skills with the money I earned.
• Distanced myself from the church - worked every other Sunday.
• Became a story-teller to better engage in groups.
• Looked for love where I thought it might be found - love remained elusive.
• Interacted socially but didn't really felt like I fit in.
• Accepted at a state college - to be an engineer.  I hoped to start over - to be somebody.
• Learned survival skills - boundaries, armor, and protective habits.

The only church in town will be the place where you can learn how your Creator revealed that you can be truly okay.  Okay with God, you, and your neighbors too.  I was so thankful, in 1980, when Steve and Marlene said to me:  "We'd like you to go to church with us - please come."

Just for today...

"I was powerless over my childhood. The survival skills that I developed made my adult life unmanageable."  Hope for Today (p. 319)

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1 (NASB)

"Who they pretend; I am not - Don the clothes; Try as ought."
"Heart went cold; Opportunity lost - Apart from Him; Horrendous cost."   Am I a Poet?

November 13th - What's important now?

The story...

I was to be a busy: Dad, Husband, Boss, Subordinate, Peer, Son, Brother, Coach, Volunteer, Friend, Head-of-the-Household and Good Man.  Everything didn't get done and I needed a new plan and perspective.  What did I do first?  Did I work on a chunk toward my most important long term goal or did I complete a simple, less-important, task to quickly remove one from the long to-do list?  I was enrolled in an Engineering Management course that introduced me to the "Eisenhower Matrix."  It's a diagram that helped me bring order to this "time management" dilemma - it was also easy to share and explain.

The Eisenhower Matrix

I listed my top priorities and related tasks on my white board - visible to both me and others.  When I needed a break, I completed a few urgent non-important tasks from my in-box.  On Saturday mornings, I threw away a weeks worth of unimportant tasks from the bottom of my in-box - eventually those requesting them gave up or did 'em themselves.

An unexpected outcome, of my behavior change, was that other people took notice and set similar priorities.  The important was getting the attention and results improved.  Those generating unimportant tasks either eliminated the tasks or accepted the authority and responsibility for getting them done themselves.  Culture was changing and some of it began with me.  I remain thankful for the help of those who came before me and taught be a better way.

The most important priority, within the only church in town, will be walking rightly with God (Micah 6:8).  Other activities will have lesser importance.  People will focus on the main thing and not major on the minor things that often results in wandering self-focused lives.

Just for today...

"...things that are urgent are rarely important, and the things that are important are rarely urgent . . . If I imagine I am in a dark room and that God is my only source of light, then my best hope for navigating around the furniture will be to bring that source of light with me."  Courage for Today (p. 318)

If you work on your mind with your mind, how can you avoid confusion?

"Change mind's way; Can I do? - Me change me?; You change you?"
"True self's stubborn; Given to pretend - God redeems man; Thru mighty hand."    Am I a Poet?

November 12th - Learning to Love - He, me, and we

The story...

They gave me the choice of surgery on both bunions at once or one at a time.  Doing both would've required navigating via wheel chair.  Friends encouraged me to do both so that I might more fully experience the dilemmas of handicapped people within the workplace - they wanted me to voice my concerns and bring attention to the problems and possible solutions.  "You could help other people and open our workplace up to those with handicaps."

I did one at a time and hobbled around on crutches twice.  I didn't experience the wheel chair barriers; yet, I did need help from others.  I asked for help.  The help felt like love - I was so... thankful and seemed to have become a more "whole" person.

Pretend or be vulnerable?

Might I've best learned to love by allowing others to love me?  What necessary ingredients were missing?  Must I've believed that true love existed?  Did I witness love being given and received?  Did I  mistrust those who tried to offer love?  Did I eschew clunky offers of of love from imperfect people?  I now know I'm lovable - I've received love from The Source. 

The only church in town will be characterized as loving God; themselves; and others too - He, me and we.  It won't be an imagined type of love worked up through self effort - it'll be a gift from God.  

Just for today...

"You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; and just so you learn to love God and man by loving. Begin as a mere apprentice and the very power of love will lead you on to become a master of the art."  Francis de Sales

"He has told you, mortal one, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?"  Malachi 6:8 (NASB)

"He loved me; Now I see - I love me; Honestly love thee."    Am I a Poet?

November 11th - What might I learn from withholding my opinion?

The story...

What a great thing it is to listen to others.  I wish I'd developed an ear, bent towards others, earlier in life.  Relationships seem to flourish within a listening environment where people feel safe enough to "lower their guards."  It's hard to acknowledge the idea that others raised their "guards' to protect themselves from imagined harm that I might've inflicted.  Yes, my words have hurt.

Guards, or boundaries, are important to keep us safe yet they may also be restraining us from experiencing unexpected treasure together.  The treasure box may reveal: insights, perspectives, interpretations, facts, ideas, happiness, joy, solutions, imagined realities, strong emotions, spiritual happenings, road blocks, truths, inklings of what might be...  

Wow, I can hardly wait to listen to somebody new.  Where might I find the people and environment where they experience: listening, sharing, loving, and reaping the good stuff of life?  You probably guessed it - the only church in town.

Just for today...

"In the past I tried to control people, places, and things, believing that my way was the correct way . . . my way, based on insisting upon my will, did not work. Yet I kept trying. It was an insane way to live."  Courage to Change (p. 316)

"Wanna tell 'em; My ways best - They gotta change; I won't rest."
"Kinder you say; Her 'em out - Be loved;  No doubt."        Am I a Poet?

November 10th - A peaceful and focused mind might ...

The story...

Woke up early in pain.  Wisely didn't  make coffee or take pain medication - tempted to do both.  Instead, I looked at YouTube videos to learn about stretches that might relive some of the pain and numbness emanating from my compressed L5-S1 disc.  I found a couple that felt good and learned about a couple of mine that might've contributed to the problem.  I felt better but couldn't fall back to sleep.  (Side note:  Trust your Physical Therapist and don't accept "I can't!"

How might I best fall asleep?  Work a cross-word puzzle, read historical-fiction, think about a favorite place or time, pickup my trusty NASB bible and read.  The book of Ephesians reveals spiritual realities of who I truly am in Christ.  I read the book of Ephesians thoughtfully, repeated the most awesome parts, and finished in what seemed to be about 1/2 hour.  Yes, I fell asleep right with me, life, and our God - centered and focused on truth about my personal relationship-reality in Christ.  Listening to scripture read may even be better - is the Spirit of God present with the reader?

The only church in town will repeatedly hear and enjoy similar reality.  The cares of the world will creep in yet they'll be overshadowed by thankfulness for the cross - the place and time when God performed his redeeming work - The relationship restoration.  They'll treasure this most wonderful assurance of being found in Christ today, tomorrow, and for all eternity.   Yes, God loves the creatures He created in His image - John 3:16.

Just for today...

"Just for a minute, empty your mind of all thought. Then admit to it one single idea, and concentrate on it for a whole minute . . . The minute will seem like an hour, but at the end of this concentrated thought, the tension and confusion will have drained away..."  One Day at a Time (p. 315) 

Hmm... sounds like centered prayer 

"I used to feel that if I didn't solve a problem immediately, it would remain for all time. Now I know that everything passes eventually, the happy as well as the sad."  Courage to Change (p. 315)

"Distracted an away; Oblivious to truth - Focus on one; Brightness of day."
"Know what's real; Foothold for climb - I'm okayer; More like Him."   Am I a Poet?

November 9th - Why not ask?

The story...

I didn't get what I wanted and needed because I didn't ask?  Could it be?  Yes it be.

Why not kindly and respectfully ask for what you need or want?  In many cases, justification ain't necessary.  Others could've expressed love by meeting your needs if they merely knew.  They coulda revealed their own needs in kind.

The only church in town would be like an honest and thankful family that sees others by the light of God's revealed Word and presence.  Each wonderfully unique and essential to the whole.  They'd express love by caring for each other - they'll receive love and accept the care.  Love within their inner-person, their heart, will be expressed within an intimate-ongoing relationship with their Creator - their Sustainer.  That's the kinda graceful place where I wanna be.

Just for today...

"I tried to make them feel guilty by telling them how much I had done for them, or I complained that they never did their part. It never occurred to me that I could simply and politely ask for what I wanted . . . Today I am creating a better way of living, free of guilt and deception."  Courage to Change (p. 314)

"I seldom knew what was good for me, yet I knew what was best for others and didn't hesitate to tell them . . . I feared other people's anger and would do anything to avoid it, yet I was oblivious to my own . . . I can no longer harbor resentment and remain ignorant of my part in creating it . . . My entire life was transformed as a result of taking responsibility for myself, becoming willing to change, and taking action."  Hope for Today (p. 314)

"Want those jeans; Make me whole - Like the group; I'll fit in."
"I was different; What they needed - When I tried; Lost my way."
"Could've asked; You might say - Be the man; Lonely hurts."   Am I a Poet?

November 8th - Performing to get that reaction

The story...

I've been the "story teller" as long as I can remember.  I've thought that it was a personality gift that helps the group enjoy being together and to remember the past too.  Yet, maybe my primary motive was to see their reaction - the one that means you accept me - maybe even like me.  Do I really need your validation?  If so, why?

Where do I get my sense of self worth?  Does it come from my resources, my resume, my family lineage, my intellect, body, physical health, ideas about God, how I adorn my body, awards, job titles, academic degrees, competitive game performance, religious activity, or being well liked by "the group?"

The only church in town will offer God's revealed way for honestly loving you, God your Father, and your neighbor as yourself.  You can be okay within life's changing circumstances - bearing fruit that you haven't conjured up on your own.

Just for today...

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13 NASB

"'I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count.' What a terrific exercise! It helps me break free of the habit of doing kind or generous things in order to get something back."  Courage to Change (p. 313)

"We both acquired the unhealthy aspects of martyrdom, managing, manipulating, and mothering . . . Today I manage my own life, not the lives of others."  Hope for Today (p. 313)

"Love of self . . . carries out the Commandment: 'Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.' We can love others, and help them, only when we are at peace with ourselves."  One Day at a Time (p. 313)

"Swing me arms; Voice just so - Laugh a tad; Emote and go."
"Want ya happy; I'm truly sad - Acting a fool; Is that bad?"   Am I a Poet?

November 7th - "Think . . . what you're trying to do with me."

The story...

Why did I react so quickly to people and the unexpected?  Once, there was an XL bear that was moving into our campsite deep within the Boundary Waters of Minnesota.  I was quickly on alert with an adrenaline rush.  What do I do?  He, or she, didn't seem to care much for what I had to say or my situational perspective - they wanted our food.  There was his will (food), my will (self-preservation), and God's will.   

We resorted to our training - we, banged our aluminum pans to the point that they were deformed, missed with the only rock nearby, and finally made it to the canoe and out on the water.  Whose will was that?

The only church in town would be patient with people - slow to react.  The love of Christ, and His grace towards His body of believers, will characterize the group personality.  Yes, the group would have a personality - the personality of their Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ.   Yes, they'll have inherent sin natures that may look similar to the personality of the world they live in - they'll need love, grace and frequent reminders of who they actually are in Christ - abiding in Him.

Just for today...

Before reacting: "I stop and visualize two doors. One is marked 'Same old, same old,' or 'My will.'  The other is marked 'New and different' or 'God's will.'  This gives me time to 'Think' and to choose a healthier response . . . other people's behavior belongs to them and I don't have to make it mine by reacting to it."  Hope for Today (p. 312)

"Ironically, when I give up worrying about everyone else and focus on my own health, I give others the freedom to consider their own recovery."  Courage to Change (p. 312)

"Doing what?; Inside I whine - Reconcile idea; Make it mine."
"Act like us; I became we -  Where'd I go; Me don't see."   Am I a Poet?

November 6th - Being respectful within community

The story...

If they all jumped off a bridge - would you jump off too?  It's a frustrating truth that people often adapt to the group - try to fit in.   The Asch Conformity experiment confirms this frustrating behavior often exhibited by us humans.  Maybe that's partly why this is one of my favorite jokes - trying to fit in with the group...

Three construction guys are sittin on an I-beam, on top of a tall building project - they're eating their lunch. 
The Italian says: “If I get another pastrami sandwich tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this building.”
The other two guys stare at him for awhile and return to their lunches.

The guy from Ohio says: "If I get another egg-salad sandwich tomorrow, I'm going to jump of this building." The other two guys stare at him for a while and return to their lunches.

The guy from California hesitates, pauses, and says: "If I get another peanut-butter sandwich tomorrow, then . . . I'm going to jump off this building tomorrow too."

The next day the Italian opens up his lunch box and disgustingly sees the pastrami, he yells "Mamma Mia!," stands up, and jumps to his death.  The other two guys can't believe what's just happened.

The Ohioan opens his box, sees the egg-salad sandwich - he immediately jumps off to his demise too. 

The Californian is now alone, he slowly opens his box to see the peanut-butter sandwich.  He stands up and jumps over the edge like the other two guys.

Three days later at their funerals, the Italian's wife says “I thought he liked those pastrami sandwiches - if he only would have told me.”  The Ohioan's wife says “It is all my fault. I thought he loved egg-salad.”  The Californian's wife says “I just don’t get it, he made his own lunches.”

Wikipedia

The only church in town will guard against the perils of group think.  What a sad state it is when people pretend to be somebody they aren't or claims the untrue.  Sure kids are going to want to please their parents.  But, it's especially sad when adults try to please the pastor or those people who are the "Ins."  People will have the freedom to be honest in the respectful environment of the only church in town.

Just for today...

"Boundaries . . . aren't rules I can enforce on others. They are standards of conduct I set for my own benefit . . .  boundaries are a civilizing ingredient in social interaction, a matter of self-respect and respect for others."  Hope for Today (p. 311)

"Be like you; This I cling - Act it so; Yer tune I sing."
"Sold my soul; Who is he? - Rejected again; Thee I flee."   Am I a Poet?

November 5th - Am I persuading to get the reaction I want?

The story...

I've spent way too much time attempting to convince others to accept my ideas and understanding of what's right, just, or best.  My noble motive may've been to help others or I may've been attempting to build up or promote me.  I might've justified my proclaiming and arguing as refining my thoughts, ideas, and life purpose.  Developing them wasn't enough though; it seemed I needed to air them out in public and persuade others to accept them too.  I wish I'd spent more time listening to and seeking to understand others - I expect that I'd have grown and matured more quickly.

The following scene from Seinfeld describes Elaine and Jerry interjecting their opinions about ponies at the family gathering.  His attempts to reconcile his own behavior falls flat.  He's not getting the reactions that he hopes for - comedians need that positive reaction.  Yes, there're some underlying issues with the Seinfeld cast - it's probably funny, in part, because we can relate to their amplified exhibition of unrestrained self.

   
Seinfeld: The pony...

The characters truly seem to like each other, just the way they are, in the Seinfeld series - even when they behave badly.  The only church in town will be composed of a wide variety of people in different stages of life.  Many to most will be primarily focused on themselves and their own needs until they discover the better way.  There'll be need for mentoring, patience, grace, and the working out of each person's faith in the reality of community - we're worth it.  

Just for today...

"The more my group showed love and respect for me, the more I was able to love myself. Then I could begin to help love others into self-love."  Hope for Today (p. 310)

"If I speak out in order to manipulate or change another person, then their reaction becomes the focus of my attention and the measure by which I evaluate the results."  Courage to Change (p. 310)

"Think of that; Consider this - Be like me; Imagine-me bliss."   Am I a Poet?

November 4th - Reset your bearings each day

The story...

I've enjoyed years of daily readings that've helped me better understand how I might best be and do each day - living life more fully in community too.   In the past, I've started many similar initiatives - this time it lasted.  Why?  I was part of a group, who were on similar journey, that I met with regularly.  As new people joined the group, the group seemed to remember its purpose - how far we had grown.  Their stories melded with my story.  I valued each member of the group - this continues to surprise me.

So, just for today, how about reflecting on the quotes, their meaning for you, and how you might act to be different.  Read, understand, reflect, decide, act and be.

The only church in town will have God's Word to: read, understand, reflect on, decide upon, act on, and to be too.  The church is different from other community groups.  All are important, yet the church may be transformational with eternal realities in clearer view.

Just for today...

"...I find that the only way to have serenity is to become willing to accept the things that I cannot change. Acceptance gives me choices."  Courage to Change (p. 309)

"Consider the little mouse, how sagacious an animal it is which never entrusts his life to one hole only." Platus : Truculentus, act iv. sc. 4.

"I don't get well first and then start to mend. To become a whole person, I need to live now, take part, and become involved with others."  Hope for Today (p. 309)

"...the main source of our unhappiness is that we ourselves don't know what we want. We think we're dissatisfied with what we have, with the way we live, and the way other people act to us. . . It really adds up to this: that we're not satisfied with ourselves, and we can certainly do something about that."  One Day at a Time (p. 309)

"Open each day; Books of wisdom - Ponder anew; This I know."   Am I a Poet?

February 29th: Be free in Christ - unshackled from self bondage

The story...

I can't get no satisfaction trying to please me - it's impossible.  Worse yet, on my own, my efforts to be a good boy leave me insecure when facing rejection, inevitable suffering, and death.  I can't get no satisfaction on my own - it's like tugging around a ball and chain made out of self.

Life would be better if I was okay with me, more openly and honestly relating to other people - bearing the type of fruit that comes from abiding in Christ: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  Scripture says they happen as we trust in Christ and abide in Him too.

Abiding in Christ means a position and a transforming-metamorphosized relationship that includes communication.  We can never fully understand the trinity of God; yet, the gospel of John says that God the Father speaks messages to the Son of God; the Son speaks the messages to the Holy Spirit; and the Holy Spirit indwells and speaks to those in Christ.  Those in Christ pray to the Father in the Son's name - Christ is our mediator.  Prayer and meditation keeps us close to God in a right relationship that can free us from the bondage of self today.

February 29th, we'll see you in another four years if God so wills.  Let's keep the communication flowing - we need each other.

"Stuck in a box; Built over time - Cold and lonely; It's all mine."  Am I a Poet?