November 8th - Do I truly perform to get that reaction?

The story...

I've been the "story teller" as long as I can remember.  I've thought that it was a personality gift that helps the group enjoy being together and to remember the past too.  Yet, maybe my primary motive was to see your reaction - the one that means you accept me - maybe even like me.  Do I really need your validation?  If so, why?

Where do I get my sense of self worth?  Does it come from my resources, my resume, my family lineage, my intellect, body, physical health, ideas about God, how I adorn my body, awards, job titles, academic degrees, competitive game performance, religious activity, or being well liked by "the group?"

The only church in town will offer God's revealed way for honestly loving you, God your Father, and your neighbor as yourself.  You can be okay within life's changing circumstances - bearing fruit that you haven't conjured up on your own.

Just for today...

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13 NASB

"'I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count.' What a terrific exercise! It helps me break free of the habit of doing kind or generous things in order to get something back."  Courage to Change (p. 313)

"We both acquired the unhealthy aspects of martyrdom, managing, manipulating, and mothering . . . Today I manage my own life, not the lives of others."  Hope for Today (p. 313)

"Love of self . . . carries out the Commandment: 'Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.' We can love others, and help them, only when we are at peace with ourselves."  One Day at a Time (p. 313)

November 7th - "Think, what you're trying to do with me."

The story...

Why did I react so quickly to people and the unexpected?  Once, there was an XL bear that was moving into our campsite deep within the Boundary Waters of Minnesota.  I was quickly on alert with an adrenaline rush.  What do I do?  He, or she, didn't seem to care much for what I had to say or my situational perspective - they wanted our food.  There was his will (food), my will (self-preservation), and God's will.   

We resorted to our training - we, banged our aluminum pans to the point that they were deformed, missed with the only rock nearby, and finally made it to the canoe and out on the water.  Whose will was that?

The only church in town would be patient with people - slow to react.  The love of Christ, and His grace towards His body of believers, will characterize the personality of the group.  Yes, the group would have a personality - the personality of their Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ.   Yes, they'll have inherent sin natures that may look similar to the personality of the world they live in - they'll need love, grace and frequent reminders of who they actually are in Christ - abiding in Him.

Just for today...

Before reacting: "I stop and visualize two doors. One is marked 'Same old, same old,' or 'My will.'  The other is marked 'New and different' or 'God's will.'  This gives me time to 'Think' and to choose a healthier response . . . other people's behavior belongs to them and I don't have to make it mine by reacting to it."  Hope for Today (p. 312)

"Ironically, when I give up worrying about everyone else and focus on my own health, I give others the freedom to consider their own recovery."  Courage to Change (p. 312)

November 6th - Being respectful within community

The story...

If they all jumped off a bridge - would you jump off too?  It's a frustrating truth that people often adapt to the group - try to fit in.   The Asch Conformity experiment confirms this frustrating behavior often exhibited by us humans.  Maybe that's partly why this is one of my favorite jokes - trying to fit in with the group...

Three construction guys are sittin on an I-beam, on top of a tall building project - they're eating their lunch. 
The Italian says: “If I get another pastrami sandwich tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this building.”
The other two guys stare at him for awhile and return to their lunches.

The guy from Ohio says: "If I get another egg-salad sandwich tomorrow, I'm going to jump of this building." The other two guys stare at him for a while and return to their lunches.

The guy from California hesitates, pauses, and says: "If I get another peanut-butter sandwich tomorrow, then . . . I'm going to jump off this building tomorrow too."

The next day the Italian opens up his lunch  box and disgustingly sees the pastrami, he yells "Mamma Mia!," stands up, and jumps to his death.  The other two guys can't believe what's just happened.

The Ohioan opens his box, sees the egg-salad sandwich - he immediately jumps off to his demise too. 

The Californian is now alone, he slowly opens his box to see the peanut-butter sandwich.  He stands up and jumps over the edge like the other two guys.

Three days later at their funerals, the Italian's wife says “I thought he like those pastrami sandwiches - if he only would have told me.”  The Ohioan's wife says “It is all my fault. I thought he loved egg-salad.”  The Californian's wife says “I just don’t get it, he made his own lunches.”

Wikipedia

The only church in town will guard against the perils of group think.  What a sad state it is when people pretend to be somebody they aren't or claims the untrue.  Sure kids are going to want to please their parents.  But, it's especially sad when adults try to please the pastor or those people who are the "Ins."  People will have the freedom to be honest in the respectful environment of the only church in town.

Just for today...

"Boundaries . . . aren't rules I can enforce on others. They are standards of conduct I set for my own benefit . . .  boundaries are a civilizing ingredient in social interaction, a matter of self-respect and respect for others."  Hope for Today (p. 311)

November 5th - Am I persuading to get the reaction I want?

The story...

I've spent way too much time attempting to convince others to accept my ideas and understanding of what's right, just, or best.  My noble motive may've been to help others yet I may've been attempting to build up or promote me.  I might've justified my proclaiming and arguing as refining my thoughts, ideas, and life purpose.  Developing them wasn't enough though; I had the need to air them out in public and persuade others to accept them too.  I wish I'd spent more time listening to and seeking to understand others - I expect that I'd have grown and matured more quickly.

The following scene from Seinfeld describes Elaine and Jerry interjecting their opinions about ponies at the family gathering.  His attempts to reconcile his behavior falls flat.  He's not getting the reactions that he hopes for - comedians need that positive reaction.  Yes, there're some underlying issues with the Seinfeld cast - it's probably funny, in part, because we can relate to their amplified exhibition of unrestrained self.

   Seinfeld: The pony...

Another reason that I like the Seinfeld series is that the characters seem to like each other just the way they are - even when they behave badly.  The only church in town will be composed of a wide variety of people in different stages of life.  Many to most will be primarily focused on themselves and their own needs until they discover the better way.  There'll be need for mentoring, patience, grace, and the working out of each person's faith in the reality of community - we're worth it.  

Just for today...

"The more my group showed love and respect for me, the more I was able to love myself. Then I could begin to help love others into self-love."  Hope for Today (p. 310)

"If I speak out in order to manipulate or change another person, then their reaction becomes the focus of my attention and the measure by which I evaluate the results."  Courage to Change (p. 310)

November 4th - Reset your bearings each day

The story...

I've enjoyed years of daily readings that've helped me better understand how I might best be and do each day - living life more fully in community too.   In the past, I've started many similar initiatives yet this time it seems lasting.  Why?  I've a group of people who are on similar journeys that I meet with regularly.  And, new people join the group so that the group never forgets its purpose and how far each of us has grown.  Their stories seem part of my story.  I value each and every member of the group - this continues to surprise me.

So, just for today, how about reflecting on the quotes, their meaning for you, and how you might act to be different.  Read, understand, reflect, decide, act and be.

The only church in town will have God's Word to: read, understand, reflect on, decide upon, act on, and to be too.  The church is different from other community groups.  All are important, yet the church may be transformational with eternally realities in clearer view.

Just for today...

"...I find that the only way to have serenity is to become willing to accept the things that I cannot change. Acceptance gives me choices."  Courage to Change (p. 309)

"Consider the little mouse, how sagacious an animal it is which never entrusts his life to one hole only." Platus : Truculentus, act iv. sc. 4.

"I don't get well first and then start to mend. To become a whole person, I need to live now, take part, and become involved with others."  Hope for Today (p. 309)

"...the main source of our unhappiness is that we ourselves don't know what we want. We think we're dissatisfied with what we have, with the way we live, and the way other people act to us. . . It really adds up to this: that we're not satisfied with ourselves, and we can certainly do something about that."  One Day at a Time (p. 309)

November 3rd - Enjoying "we"

The story...

I've written before of how much I liked my Amber-Vision glasses.  When sporting my Amber-Visions, my environment looked: clearer, more vibrant, exciting, pleasant, with a touch of expectancy for the "good life."  Sure, I wasn't always wearing them.  They weren't always there when I needed them.  They didn't fit quite as good as they aged.  The effect was less noticeable as time passed.  And, they were eventually lost or replaced.

What if we had glasses that filtered our random thoughts, pre-judgements, biases, rules, fears, and worries?  I wonder what we might sense, better understand, imagine, and experience.  How would the group look - might we feel more like "we" instead of "me" and "them?"

Scripture says that the Holy Spirit actually inhabits those who place their faith and trust in the great work of their Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ.  That means that God is present within many of those imperfect, odd, clunky, and slowing maturing people within the only church in town.  Maybe we wouldn't have to "put up" with people if we tuned into the reality of the Spirit of God in both us and others.  Whoa!  I wanna look through those lenses.

Just for today...

"Detach from the problem, but not from the person . . . Detachment motivated by love can shield us from needles pain and set the stage for a truly rewarding relationship." One Day at a Time (p. 308)

"...when any member regularly dominates the sharing and meetings, the group suffers."  Courage to Change (p. 308)

November 2nd - Offering, those you're with, your best

The story...

What an odd thing to want the best from others when we aren't willing to be that "good" person ourselves.  Worse yet, what a strange thing to want other people around us to behave according to an undefined "best" standard.

What do I want from those around me?  A listening and understanding ear, respect for all, loving themself and their neighbor, honesty, curiosity, eye for beauty, willingness to learn new things, participate in and support community, courage throughout each day, an optimistic view of eternity grounded in reality, sharing with those in need, and a faith that God loves us and will do good for us within His will?

What if those in our groups took the Boy Scout Oath?  "On my honor I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law; to help other people at all times; to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight."

How about the Girl Scout Law?  "I will do my best to be honest and fair, friendly and helpful, considerate and caring, courageous and strong, and responsible for what I say and do, and to respect myself and others, respect authority, use resources wisely, make the world a better place, and be a sister to every Girl Scout."

Goodness, rooted in a good heart, is infectious.  If it starts within each of us then we'll likely all enjoy a better life - "Let it Start with Me."

The only church in town will work out their lives together according to the revealed Word of God.  It will be a reverent place of relationships - me with God in Christ, me with me, me with you, and you with you. 

Just for today...

"I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving." Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 94)

"I will not reserve my deference and respect for outsiders whom I want to please or my pleasant expressions for those I want to impress. The people I live with are worthy of my best behavior..."  One Day at a Time (p. 307)

November 1st - Are you content and peaceful? Do you wanna be?

The story...

Last night I attended a meeting where I had no discernable anxious thoughts.  When we broke into sub-groups, I listened to each person's share to understand them with no evaluation process going on in the recesses of my mind.  There was 30 seconds left when somebody asked for my response, I shared an unembellished honest response.  My mind, heart, soul, and possibly spirit seemed peaceful and honest throughout the meeting.  To my knowledge, I didn't play any role - I was close to the real me.  It felt soo... good.

U.S. National Park Service

Is it possible to live a peaceful, restful, honest, condition in reality?  Our minds quieted with a strong sense of "okayness?"  To be in touch with our feelings without reacting to each unsettling impulse? Living in the present reality with me, others, the environment and the presence of God too?

The only church in town will share God's revealed word regarding the condition that He wants us to live our life in - the good place.  Yet, it seems people aren't generally peaceful or restful; but, we must live our lives out amongst them.  Remember the greatest commandments?   They're our highest-level purpose.

Just for today...

"All men's miseries derive from not being able to sit quiet in a room alone."   Blaise Pascal

"Sometimes a horse refuses to obey the rider's command and races out of control. My thoughts can do this too, when I frantically try, over and over, to solve a difficult problem. Riding lessons have taught me not to continually repeat a command louder, but to stop the horse, get his attention, and begin again. Likewise, when my thoughts race out of control, I need to stop."  Courage to Change (p. 306)

October 31st - I'm okay in Christ

The story...

The numbness in both legs began a couple days ago - I noticed it when I was lovin' on my grand daughter while carrying her to the car after the hockey tournament.  The reality of my degenerating lumbar vertebrae can no longer be ignored.  My behavior must match the reality of my condition or my nervous system will give me direct and pointed feedback - ouch, reality's set in.

I expect that some nice person will call me today to schedule my MRI.  They'll insert my body in this big metal tube to take a 3D picture of this unseen reality.  I expect that two of the disks will be a bit flatter and protruded than before and that the stenosis will've narrowed the holes that my nerves are threaded through.  Yes, I'm now more aware of my limitations...

The surgeon told me about 14 years ago that he'd likely see me again in 15 years.  So, why did this catch me by surprise?  I couldn't help but notice that my height's shrinking as my disks flatten.  My spine doesn't care if I like the reality or not - it just is.  My only realistic choice is to adapt to what's true and how I'll move my body.  I can choose to be thankful for every miraculous breath, imagine an alternate reality, or whine and complain. 

The only church in town will offer opportunities to walk side-by-side others as we walk humbly with God.  A more honest life might be lived with a clearer, yet still cloudy, view of spiritual realities and the next life too.

Just for today...

"I'm attacked by thoughts of disaster. I imagine failure, torment, agony. And then I act. I do something rash or fruitless in order to put a bandage on the situation, because the one thing I most fear is being afraid."  Courage to Change (p. 305)

"I grew up in a family where scorn, criticism, and teasing were everyday modes of communication. To cope, I developed the ability to hide my pain and confusion behind sarcasm and ridicule. Making myself feel bigger and better by making fun of others never filled the emptiness I felt inside."  Hope for Today (p. 305)

October 30th - Helping others helps me to be and do

The story...

Yesterday, I saw my neighbor walking down the bike path by the side of the road.  I remembered the picture of him with the 4' sturgeon that he caught earlier in the week.  I was on my motorcycle so it would've been easy to turn around and pull into a driveway and hear his story - the sharing would likely have been good for him and built up our relationship too.  Even though I paused a bit longer than I would've hoped, my motorcycle came back and we strengthened our relationship.

Wikipedia

Why was this interchange important?  Maybe it demonstrated that I was truly interested in him, was pleased with his unexpected joy, was interested in the details of the "fight," asked how he felt as he wondered what it might be, and demonstrated keen interest during the whole conversation.  It was all about him.  It felt good to know that it was natural and true behavior on both of our parts - I wasn't "trying" to demonstrate interest and happiness with him - I actually was happy for and interested in his life.  That seems like good living.

I expect that my turning around to love my neighbor as myself was "doing" what I want to "be."  As I reflect on the reality of this simple situation - I'm so thankful for the changes in my life that've reduced my focus on me and turned my eyes and heart more towards others.

There'll be happiness and joy within the community of the only church in town.  They'll be a sort of organism that values each of their unique parts - they'll know it takes all of the parts of a body for it to function as He designed.  Praise God for the Body of Christ worked out in the Light.

Just for today...

"Many a solution to a difficulty of my own has come to me while I was helping someone else."  One Day at a Time (p. 304)

October 29th - Making the most of life

The story...

I/m so thankful that I read the quote from Peter Marshall - it was simple, wise, and seems true according to my own life experiences.  His quote makes me smile today.  So, I investigated who this Peter was.  His story was a surprising story of doing, being, trusting, walking by faith, and engaging in life.  His was a good story yet not exceptionally long.

I purchased his life story, "A Man Called Peter," that was written lovingly by his wife, Catherine Marshall, in 1951.  It's been a joyful life story to read, chunk by chunk, savoring it and not wanting it to end.  I'm taking my time with it - the book lays next to my bed.

Peter Marshall

A truly good man...

The only church in town will have wonderfully unique and interesting people congregating together.  There you can live out your gift of life together - in community.  It will be a story that you can enjoy chunk by chunk - not wanting it to end yet knowing that it will according to God's will.  There you can imagine more clearly the life that Peter Marshall is now living in Christ - I can only imagine.  His story won't end because he won't be separated from God - his life is hidden in Christ.

Just for today...

"...The most important person to gain love and respect from is myself."  Courage to be Me (p. 137)

"All our resolves and decisions are made in a mood or frame of mind which is certain to change."  Marcel Proust

"Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change. And when we are right, make us easy to live with."  Peter Marshall

October 28th - Engage in Today - the Now

The story...

What does the day look like for you?  I don't know as I write this story, self-aware, in history.  Strangely, that first sentence is in the past and I may need to reread it to remember what I wrote.  I must also remember what the first words of this sentence were in order to understand my intended message.

Today, I'm enjoying the "Just for Today" quotes that were written by others years ago.  They were highlighted as important to me years ago.  I'm considering, and making sense of them, in the present. And, they're conveyed to you from history.  You're enjoying them in the now - the present.

We've got today...

The only church in town will be built on wisdom - they'll focus on reality, where to go, and how to get there.  They'll trust what their Creator and Sustainer has revealed.  And, they'll meet and walk humbly/honestly with Him in the present.

Just for today...

"So it's in my best interest to treat others as I wish to be treated. I try to imagine that my words and actions are being addressed to myself, because in the long run I generally get back what I give out."  Courage to Change (p. 302)

"I've learned that if an issue isn't going to be important in 30 days, then it's probably not worth troubling myself with now."  Hope for Today (p. 302)

"Today is mine, It is unique. Nobody in the world has one exactly like it. It holds the sum of all past experience and the future of all potential."  One Day at a Time (p. 302)

October 27th - Be quiet and tune into what's really going on

The story...

In group prayer, I've often found myself thinking about my turn to pray and what was the best thing for me to share.  Some people's prayers were helpful and others weren't according to my ideas of what prayer should be.  Recently, I began both resting in prayer groups and quieting my mind - sometimes I don't pray at all.  Other times I'm more attentive to the Spirit of God working His way out through another person's prayers that previously seemed odd or "off the mark."  The change has been good for me and maybe the groups too.

Scripture says that the Holy Spirit indwells and works out through the life of believers who're right with God in Christ.  Therefore, He's present and speaking amongst many of those within the group - silently and sometimes in words.  I expect that the full group is strengthened when acknowledging and tuning into the presence of God within their midst. 

Be quiet and tune into what's really going on.

The only church in town will be filled with the Holy Spirit - indwelling those who are trusting in Christ.  Even though our bodies don't have sensors to clearly perceive the spiritual realities that're present and working - they're there.

Just for today...

"I often feel closest to God when I hear others share about how well God has taken care of them. Today I try to remember that there is enough love for us all."  Courage to Change (p. 301)

"I will remind myself that the only vital thing is to apply what I have learned - to make it work for me in all the happenings of my daily life . . . keep hands off what is truly none of my business."  One Day at a Time (p. 301)

October 26th - Did I criticize the pastor to deflect self-criticism?

The story...

On the way home from church, the conversation often focused on the pastor and the sermon they just delivered.  Rather than focusing on what may have been true about me, my faith, my heart, and my life; I often, not to subtly, criticized the pastor's message, the pastor, or other people within the church.  Sure, my criticism might have been tactfully disguised as an opinion; but, the intent was likely to feel better about myself by criticizing others. 

Maybe these sermons upset my vision of who I was, what I was doing, and where I was going.  Maybe I was imaging a reality that was skewed and in need of change?  Now, I believe that I was deflecting, denying, and delaying.  Then, I was protecting myself and the status quo.  A condition that included unresolved rejection, shame, guilt, hurt...

The only church in town will preach the Word of God in reality.  People will not be pleased when their selfish attempts to control their life don't look so good in the Light of God's revealed Word.  There's going to be turmoil both before and after the transformational work of the gospel believed.  Yet, this is the place where that rejection, shame, guilt, and hurt can be left at the foot of the cross - there's forgiveness and redemption there.  The joy of a good heart walking honestly and humbly with the Lord their God.

Just for today...

"For a few minutes I felt better about myself - but not for long and only at other people's expense. Gossip never enriched anyone's character. It was only an excuse to avoid focusing on myself . . . When I feel good about myself, it's much easier not to take insults personally."  Courage to Change (p. 300)

"Some folks worry and putter, 

Push and shove,

Hunting little molehills,

To make big mountains of."

One Day at a Time (p. 300) 

October 25th - It's going to be what it's going to be - let it go

The story...

A wise boss once told me to focus on the 20% of the stuff that's within my control, or that I can strongly influence, to get the best results - the essentials.  Let the random variables bounce around within limits and trust our capable people to address the minor issues as they arise.   Our competitors can waste their time focused on the trivial and wear themselves out trying to control the uncontrollable - "We'll eat their lunch."

Steven Covey developed a useful model of three concentric circles that illustrates how we might best classify issues within our mind.  The innermost circle contains issues that are within our control - it's small.  The next bigger circle contains the issues that we can influence - it's bigger.  The next bigger circle are those issues that we are concerned about yet we can't influence or control.

Circles of: Concern, Influence, and Control

Stephen Covey idea

The only church in town will focus on the essentials for growing each person and the group too.  They'll speak to concerns outside their influence and control yet they won't stay there.  They'll trust the power of God to work out His will in those matters - He's fully capable and trustworthy of managing His creation.  His circles have no boundaries.

Just for today...

"One of my defects of character is to make choices passively - letting things happen rather than taking action."   Courage to Change (p. 299)

"... weather was one of the many things completely out of my control.  This perception relieved me of responsibility for the weather, sunny or cloudy, and reminded me of the many things in life over which I have no control. I can only let go and let them be."   Hope for Today (p. 299)

October 24th - Real, sustainable, change takes longer than expected

The story...

I spent more of my life obsessively thinking than I realized.  Was this self-defeating behavior intended for self-preservation?  Was it a defensive mechanism to prevent future pain?  Did I witness it modeled within my family?  Was it something that I developed myself?  Others, who were traveling on a similar path, helped me see the negative effects and the possibility of lasting change.  Sharing my successes and failures, with friends who cared, motivated and sustained me through the long change process.  Obsessive thoughts continue to "pop" into my head; but, now I recognize the ugly buggers for what they are; decide what's true about 'em; accept what's my part; and trust God for the rest.

My victory over chronic obsessive thinking is a good story for me; yet, that's not the point of this story.  This story's about how long it took to achieve and sustain this personal victory in reality.  Initially, I naively thought that mere knowledge of the subject would do it.  Then, I thought a few victories using coping methods would suffice.  Then, I thought that I made it when I could share the why's and how's with other people.  Then, I thought that a few months of many cycles of obsessive thinking recognition, tool application, and significant change was the victory that I was looking for.  It wasn't until my new way of thinking, behaving, and being were internalized that I achieved fundamental personal change.   This took over a year - at least 4X longer than I expected at the onset.

Working out life together within the only church in town will require patience. The community will offer grace and mercy during these long and bumpy life-change processes.  There are reasons why people are behaving in ways that they don't really want to - they often feel like victims.  The only church in town is a place to understand the "why," the "how," and to experience glimpses of the presence of God worked out through the lives of others.  Some changes seem to happen instantly yet most seem to take much time and likely suffering too.  It's hard to say goodbye to even those things that weren't really working for me - "goodbye!"

Just for today...

"I now view my problems as survival skills that served me well as I was growing up . . .  To cope with the blaming and criticism in my home, I became a perfectionist."  Hope for Today (p. 298)

"Like the birch tree, I can be wounded if I am prematurely stripped of my defenses. Most of us have spent a significant amount of time trying to cope with these wounds from the past rather than growing and changing . . . When I am ready, the changes will come easily."  Courage for Change (p. 298)

October 23rd - Quiet your mind to see more wholly?

The story...

It was a cool, fall, windy, and partly-cloudy day.  I was hiking in the woods thinking about a few subjects that were important.  Yet, I wasn't getting what I wanted out of the hike - I wanted to actually "walk out" the "good life" in reality.  Sure, I was earning exercise-points on my Apple watch, increasing my stamina, tearing down my muscles for rebuilding, tiring my body for getting the most out of my night's sleep, and maybe even coming to a few good decisions.  Yet, I wasn't getting what I wanted out of the hike, more of what I value - what I want out of life.

Same beach - different day - similar blessing

I was expecting to quiet my mind so that I might take in the abundance of reality that was going on around me.  As I began to descend the dunes toward the beach, my mind let go of it's grip and the world opened up to me.  The sun, wind, clouds, chill, heat, birds, waves, and sand were alive - I more fully took it all in.  Yes, I was more fully engaged in life.  A wave of fruit seemed to pour in and through my inner man - love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, and self-control.  I experienced a love for God, my fellow man, and me too - restored, strengthened, rested, at peace, full of hope...

The only church in town would be a place where you could lay down your concerns and rest in the reality of who God is and who he made us to be.  It's a great thing to be walking rightly with God in Christ - a fruitful life in the midst of life's ever-changing circumstances.

Just for today...

"Let us stand aside so the light can shine on us and on all we do, so we can see ourselves and our circumstances with true clarity . . . I must find the vantage point where I can most clearly see my difficulty as it is; then answers will come."  One Day at a Time (p. 297)

"I don't have to accept the unacceptable, nor do I have to argue back or convince another person that I'm innocent or right . . . I can listen without taking the words personally."  Courage to Change (p. 297)

"My parents used religion to keep me in line. I believed we went to the only true church . . . He doesn't live in a box. He lives in me and in those around me. He loves me, cares for me, and accepts me just as I am - a work of art in progress."  Hope for Today (p. 297)

October 22nd - Do you want them to "act" as the person you want them to be?

The story...

During my mid-life years, I went fishing to recreate.  Inevitably, I'd call my dad to tell him what happened.  I knew that he was interested in fishing, and he seemed to appreciate learning about my episodes too.  There was a sort of give-and-take in those conversations - we were both able  to "check in" with each other.

I lost most of my interest in fishing after my dad died.  Strangely, I seem to have gone fishing to reexperience good feelings from early years.  Maybe I wanted my dad to know that I was okay and that I appreciated him in a way that I could communicate.  

My dad was a good man.  Yet, he wasn't able to meet some of my significant needs.  I accepted this truth and loved him, thankfully, for who he was.

I do fish now for different reasons.  I no longer seek my dad's approval and I don't need to be fishing with another person to be fulfilled - I'm "okayer," thankful and more content.

The only church in town will be a place where you can meet a close friend, friends, community, and God within view of that bright Light that's God's revealed Word.  Why not honestly live out life within community as opposed to acting out on your own?  You're an important part of this epic story of life - why not live out your part?

Just for today...

"Expecting him to be a nurturing person was unrealistic . . . I adopted some of his character defects as my own . . . I needed to give myself what was not in his power to give - love, acceptance, wisdom, a safe childhood, and a healthy initiation into manhood."  Hope for Today (p. 296)

October 21st - Interfering to keep things as they ought to be?

The story...

Winning a competitive game, by a significant margin, doesn't fit who I am.  I'd prefer to play a close game with an exciting finish - each person finishing in a positive state or condition.  My preference might be something that I would want to share with others - should I?

Bill Shankly's quote for competitive games - not so good in real life?

When are parent's expected to stop interfering through unwanted advice given to their kids?  Should they first receive requests or permission from their teenagers?  Sure there're necessary safety and household rules; but, when do attempts to positively influence become destructive interference?

Why not offer the dignity and respect to work out their own lives?  We can still help each other by developing strong relationships that provide a safe space to walk side-by-side through life - helping and sharing as needed and requested.

The only church in town will be a place to meet and grow together.  Honest, humble, and respectful relationships built around the revealed Word of God.

Just for today...

"We brought many troubles on ourselves by interfering . . . Am I fearful, picturing with dread what the future will bring? I will let go and let God, and live only of this one day."  One Day at a Time (p. 295)

"I was taught that if I did what I was told without question, I would be safer and happier. In my family, obedience meant following a strict, straight line."  Hope for Today (p. 295)

October 20th - Acting in love in spite of fear

The story...

For about a year, I invested time with people living in an independent care facility - the workers, the residents, and visitors too - a person that I loved resided there.  Almost everything about that atmosphere is welcoming and my initial interactions were good; yet, I'm not sure if they'd truly want me to intervene within their lives - to love and be loved.

One day, I planned to leave my home at 10:45 AM to spend about 1.5 hours there.  It was just a plan so I wasn't sure that I'd follow through with it.  I expected that the force(s) that seemingly inhibited, or resisted, this seemingly "good" activity are fears that I'm unconscious of.  Here's a list of those fears that I was able to discern.  They're ranked according to my perceived likelihood that they'd deter my visit.  It's strange that these fears may hold me back from working out a doable, loving, activity that certainly fits within my "constitution."

• End-of-life situations experienced
• Perceived rejection
• Time invested that I could or should've spent elsewhere
• Periods of time when I don't know what to do - abiding
• Frequent thoughts of wanting to escape - get out of there
• Idea that I'm doing this to demonstrate that I'm a "good boy" - a "brag" story
• Strange interactions with people who've limited abilities to communicate
• Uncomfortable smells and sounds

There will be inertia to love and act out that love within the only church in-town.  They'd love and act out that love both within and outside their community.  There'll be a sort of supernatural sense of being or condition for those who are actively loving God, themselves and their neighbors too.  Infected with love?

Just for today...

"I've lost many, many hours waiting to solve a problem or be freed of a character defect. Today I am learning to make room in my life for the wonders that life has to offer."  Courage to Change (p. 294)

"Fear is a feeling, not an action. Courage is not the absence of fear. It's choosing to act with love in spite of fear."  Hope for Today (p. 294)

October 19th - Self Actualization - Is that what you truly want?

The story...

Yesterday, I participated in a meeting with fourteen other men - we were focused on topics that were important to us all.  Each of us were group leaders who would later facilitate similar discussions with our own groups. There were expectations that we engage in conversation to share and learn from each other and to further prepare for leading our own groups.  In the past, I felt a strong desire to share what was on my mind.  The noble motives for my sharing may have been: edifying others; redirecting conversation to what I thought was more important; identifying logical, practical or factual flaws; or to behave like a "good" group member.

Yesterday, I listened well and recorded helpful learnings and observations that might work into my own group's topical conversation.  I didn't speak up at all and felt peaceful and content within the full meeting.  I think that my self might've been quietly riding in the back seat and that the real me, and my faith in God, were up front driving the car.  I was content and thankful for my compadres.

My "self" seemed to be quietly riding in the back seat.  He likes to be: proud, accepted, admired; and the focus of attention - even at the expense of others.  The self I've been gifted with is a competitor who's working to expand what is his with hopes of being safe, secure, and admired by others - indispensable.  Self tends to live in an imaginary world where he's the main character - the most important one.  Kinda like a little "god."  Ugh...

Maslow's five hierarchy of needs suggests that each self's goal is to be "self actualized."  A world where everyone's a winner and there are no losers.  Human history seems to read as a long saga of pain and anguish fueled by selfish "selves" who war against each other trying to fulfill their grandiose sense of "self" - to be self actualized.  To place their community at a privileged level in accordance to their higher-order view of self.  Their self aims to be elevated to a higher level, a sort of "god' whereby the community is enriched and "self' is celebrated and greatly appreciated.  Maybe it's a sort of illusive love that we secretly crave?

Maslow's hierarchy of needs with an additional level?

The only church in town will preach what God has revealed about who He is and who we are as His creatures.  True freedom from the tyrannical ruler of "self" is offered.  Is your desire to transcend yourself to a sort of "god" valid or even reasonable?

Just for today...

"I need to distinguish between giving out of love and giving to please others in order to gain their attention or approval."   Hope for Today  (p. 293)

"Struggling and worrying didn't help me to solve my problem. Doing my part and trusting God with the rest did."   Courage to Change (p. 293)

"I will not allow my imagination to build small troubles into big ones. I will try to see each situation clearly, and give it only the value and attention it deserves."  One Day at a Time (p. 294)

October 18th - Can you choose to be content or is it a gift from God?

The story...

I don't remember feeling more content than I do today.  I'm loved and able to love others.  My physical needs are met.  There's nothing that I strongly desire that I believe would improve my condition.  Long-term hopes have been realized in unexpected good ways.  And, I don't seem to have expectations or opinions regarding other people that I desire to be fulfilled according to my will. 

Why do I find myself in a preferable condition?  I'm retired, physically able to go and do the majority of things that I need and want to do. I have reasons to believe that there are enough resources to fulfill my needs in these last phases of life. I'm growing with friends who walk side-by-side with me.  And, I have a working faith that trusts God and His promises.  Fruit seems to be born in the lives that surround me - I believe there's a spiritual source and cause.

One day my life will be otherwise.  I've witnessed many-to-most people, in similar "content" situations, who later experienced periods of suffering that either built up their lives and faith or eroded them into a shadow of their former selves.  Some even gave up with a sense that life just ain't fair.

The only church in town will be a place where people will experience hope, friendships, love, suffering, and the presence of God within it all.  It's a place where you can live out, and appreciate, each stage of life honestly.  It sure beats living in an imaginary world concocted to pretend that every thing is "groovy" when it ain't.  Why not find out about the good and lasting promises and presence of God?

Just for today...

"We may even think we have overcome resentment, self-righteousness and self-pity, but if they are still there inside us, they will in some mysterious way emanate from us and deny what we try to cover up by our play-acting."    Courage to Change (p. 292)

October 17th - Giving unrequested opinions is criticism

The story...

Today is another experimental day - I will to identify when, or if, I'm offering unrequested opinions.  I think that I've achieved a significant reduction in the amount of opinions that I actually have, with regard to what others should be or do, yet I my be overstating the change.  I drew an "O" on my left thumb to remind me of the experiment:  Am I giving unwanted opinions? 

I tried, I forgot, I told another person, I tried again, I forgot, I told another person, and I tried again.  The concentrated effort to remain focused on not offering unrequested opinions wasn't doable for me.  Yet, the good news is that my opinions are fewer, and fewer, and further in-between.  This less opinionated life seems to be part of a good life and has increased my engagement and enjoyment within community.

The only church in town will offer space for people to grow together, walking side-by-side, towards that "Celestial City" - walking humbly with God in the light of His Word.  The sanctification process is good, real, and seems to be best worked out with and through others.

Just for today...

Are you tuned in to, alert to, or searching for trouble?  Why?

Might you best change your perceptions of what actually occurred in the past?

Giving unrequested opinion is criticism.

October 16th - Am I worthy of being treated with love and tenderness?

The story...

A friend of mind mocked what I was doing one day - they alluded to my way of living as kind of trivial or unimportant.  I guess they may have been: comparing their life to mine, wanting something more from me, or maybe it was just a habit of putting me in my place so that they might feel "okayer."  I needed friendship-love and I got chisels and sandpaper - biting, rough, dusty, and uncomfortable.

What do I do about it?  Do I let them know how I felt when they behaved that way?  Do I give them the same type of treatment in kind?  Do I set up new boundaries to prevent future corrosion and hurt?  Or, do I treat me with the love, respect and tenderness that I don't receive from other people?   Actually, be okay in the light of day with who I truly am?

I hope that everybody attending the only church in town will feel okay and loved within the Body of Christ.  Why?  Because we're okay when we trust what the Son of God did on our behalf rather than our own self-willed attempts at being good and accepted by others.  Yes, our creator has shined the Light of truth into our world when He walked this earth about 2,000 years ago - It didn't end there, He's risen from the dead and seated at the right-hand of God making intercession for those who trust in Him and His GREAT work.  He says that belief/trust/faith in the atoning work of the Lamb of God are positioned with Him - man, that's good news.

Just for today...

"When I treat myself with love and tenderness, I am better able to deal with the challenges that life presents. I have a chance to feel good, even surrounded by crisis."  Courage to Change (p. 290)