October 31st - I'm okay in Christ

The story...

Numbness in both legs began - I couldn't ignore it as I was lovin' on my grand daughter by carrying her to the car after the hockey tournament.  The reality of my degenerating lumbar vertebrae could no longer be ignored.  My behavior wasn't in synch with the reality of my nervous system condition.  My body gave me direct and pointed feedback - ouch, reality sat in.

I expected that some nice person would call me to schedule an MRI.  They'd insert my body in a big-metal tube to take 3D pictures of unseen reality.  I expected that two of the disks would be a bit flatter and more protruded than before.  And, the stenosis would've narrowed the holes that my nerves are threaded through.  I'd be more aware of my limitations...

The surgeon told me in 2009 that he'd likely see me again in 15 years.  So, why did this catch me by surprise?  I couldn't help but notice that my height's shrinking as my disks flatten.  My spine doesn't care if I like the reality or not - it just is.  My only realistic choice is to adapt to what's true and how I'll move my body.  It seems that my top-three choices are to: be thankful for every miraculous breath; imagine an alternate reality; or whine and complain - sometimes I choose all three.

The only church in town will offer opportunities to walk side-by-side others as "we" walk humbly with God.  A more honest life may be lived with a clearer, yet cloudy, view of spiritual realities and eternity too.

Just for today...

"I'm attacked by thoughts of disaster. I imagine failure, torment, agony. And then I act. I do something rash or fruitless in order to put a bandage on the situation, because the one thing I most fear is being afraid."  Courage to Change (p. 305)

"I grew up in a family where scorn, criticism, and teasing were everyday modes of communication. To cope, I developed the ability to hide my pain and confusion behind sarcasm and ridicule. Making myself feel bigger and better by making fun of others never filled the emptiness I felt inside."  Hope for Today (p. 305)

"Imagined bad; Fears me so - Rush to fix; Refuse to slow."
"Let'em be; You and me - Trust His Word; Spirit sees."   Am I a Poet?