The story...
The numbness in both legs began a couple days ago - I noticed it when I was lovin' on my grand daughter while carrying her to the car after the hockey tournament. The reality of my degenerating lumbar vertebrae can no longer be ignored. My behavior must match the reality of my condition or my nervous system will give me direct and pointed feedback - ouch, reality has set in.
I expect that some nice person will call me today to schedule my MRI. They'll insert my body in this big metal tube to take a 3D picture of this unseen reality. I expect that two of the disks will be a bit flatter and protruded than before and that the stenosis will've narrowed the holes that my nerves are threaded through. Yes, I'm now more aware of my limitations...
The surgeon told me about 14 years ago that he'd likely see me again in 15 years. So, why did this catch me by surprise? I couldn't help but notice that my height's shrinking as my disks flatten. My spine doesn't care if I like the reality or not - it just is. My only realistic choice is to adapt to what's true and how I will move my body. I can choose to be thankful for every miraculous breath, imagine an alternate reality, or whine and complain.
The only church in town will offer opportunities to walk side-by-side others as we walk humbly with God. A more honest life might be lived with a clearer, yet still cloudy, view of spiritual realities and the next life too.
Just for today...
"I'm attacked by thoughts of disaster. I imagine failure, torment, agony. And then I act. I do something rash or fruitless in order to put a bandage on the situation, because the one thing I most fear is being afraid." Courage to Change (p. 305)
"I grew up in a family where scorn, criticism, and teasing were everyday modes of communication. To cope, I developed the ability to hide my pain and confusion behind sarcasm and ridicule. Making myself feel bigger and better by making fun of others never filled the emptiness I felt inside." Hope for Today (p. 305)
.jpg)
No comments:
Post a Comment