October 24th - Real, sustainable, change takes longer than I expected

The story...

It was a surprise to me when I realized that I spent much of my time obsessively thinking.  I probably had a self-preservation purpose for this self-defeating behavior.  Was it a defensive mechanism to prevent future pain?  Did I witness it modeled within my family?  Was it something that I developed myself?  Whatever the cause, once I was aware of the degree that I obsessively thought, and the negative effects, I chose to behave differently.  My victory over obsessive thinking required a progressive series of methods and friends who were traveling on a similar journey.  Sharing my successes and failures, with friends who cared, motivated and sustained me through the long change process.  Obsessive thoughts continue to "pop" into my head; but, now I recognize the ugly buggers for what they are; decide what's true about 'em; accept what's my part; and leave the rest to God who is both all-powerful and cares for even me.

My victory over chronic obsessive thinking is a good story for me; yet, that's not the point of this story.  This story's about how long it took to achieve and sustain this personal victory in reality.  Initially, I naively thought that mere knowledge of the subject would do it.  Then, I thought a few victories using coping methods would suffice.  Then, I thought that I made it when I could share the why's and how's with other people.  Then, I thought that a few months of many cycles of obsessive thinking recognition, tool application, and significant change was the victory that I was looking for.  It wasn't until my new way of thinking, behaving, and being were internalized that I achieved fundamental personal change.   This took over a year - at least 4X longer than I expected at the onset.

Working out life together within the only church in town will require patience. The community will offer grace and mercy during these long and bumpy life-change processes.  There are reasons why people are behaving in ways that they don't really want to - they often feel like victims.  The only church in town is a place to understand the "why," the "how," and to experience glimpses of the presence of God worked out through the lives of others.  Some changes seem to happen instantly yet most seem to take much time and likely suffering too.  It's hard to say goodbye to even those thing that weren't really working for me - "goodbye!"

Just for today...

"I now view my problems as survival skills that served me well as I was growing up . . .  To cope with the blaming and criticism in my home, I became a perfectionist."  Hope for Today (p. 298)

"Like the birch tree, I can be wounded if I am prematurely stripped of my defenses. Most of us have spent a significant amount of time trying to cope with these wounds from the past rather than growing and changing . . . When I am ready, the changes will come easily."  Courage for Change (p. 298)