May 24th - Shine the Light on Gossip

The story...

As a manager, I felt the need to "help" others find a solution to their problems and improve along the way.  When attempting to "fix" their problem, I sometimes mentioned another person's similar situation and retold how the other person worked through a solution that might apply in this situation.  I "did this" to a friend who worked for me and he later returned with the following helpful feedback:  "When you told me the story about my co-workers, I realized that you might say similar stories about me.  I lost trust in you - don't expect me to share much with you in the future."  The feedback was valuable yet it hurt - my behavior damaged a relationship and I had to admit that I was sharing gossip - ugh. 

I did this

I could've been a better listener and asked questions that might've helped the other person work out their own solutions.  The idea might've been indirectly brought into conversation without referencing another person.  This is a more respectful approach that'd likely improve the prospects of lasting personal improvement too.

Does this diabolical urge to fix, manage, and control other people somehow link with the pride of life and the "itch" to gossip?  It's all bad.  I wish I'd have shown every co-worker enough respect to never say anything about them that I'd not have said if they were present in the room. 

Gossip will be part of the only church in town - it's made up of real people.  People will feel hurt when a confidential matter's disclosed in public - reputations tarnished.  Trust is broken and the community begins to rust.  Gossiping is a harmful sin that points to a bad heart.  The Apostle Paul spoke to it directly:  Romans 1:29; 2 Corinthians 12:20; 1 Timothy 5:13; and 2 Thessalonians 3:11.  Within the only church in town, the preacher would speak God's revealed word before the community to shine "light" on gossip and expose sin's corroding effects.

Just for today...

"I will no longer hold a conversation about someone who isn't physically present in the room . . . Now we discuss our feelings about subjects applying only to us . . . Refraining from gossip and criticism keeps me focused on myself, and firmly established in reality."  Hope for Today (p. 145)

Seek God's will:  "Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire; the other is to get it."  Socrates

May 23rd - I still haven't found what I'm looking for - I'm still running...

The story...

U2's song, "I still haven't found what I'm looking for" resonates with me and many others too.  I've traveled far, grown much, enjoy a life of prayer, seen fruit born even through me, but I still haven't found what I'm looking for.  My inner-man desires something better.  A place that fits better, more fulfilling, "righter..."  I've seen glimpses within creation and through love demonstrated among people.  Yet, it's just not quite right...

Sistine Chapel - Not home yet

The only church in town would communicate, learn, share and work out what God has revealed about Him, us, and our future too.  No, I ain't home yet.

Just for today...

"I must go past all the tempting self-justification, the 'reasons' that lack the shine of truth.  I tell myself that self-deception can only damage me in giving me a foggy, unreal picture of the person I really am."  One Day a Time (p. 146)

May 22nd - Wonderful Grace

The story...

I remember Bill Job, a man who discipled me, explaining the concept of grace.  "Didn't anybody tell you?"  It happened at Big Ed's Pizza in Oak Ridge, TN.  We'd driven down to TN from OH during a search for truth.  We needed an answer to the legalism that was being pressed down upon us.  He handed us a small book about the grace of God.  The book seemed almost mystical - it answered the lingering inner-man questions that held me in turmoil.  Years later, I looked for that "mystical" answer book yet was unable to find it - the secret wasn't really from that small book.  The small book pointed to God's revealed truth about the grace of God found in a relationship abiding with the Son of God - freedom to live the good life.

Three Monkeys

The people within the only church in town would be described as graceful.  The grace of God would be taught and worked out through those abiding in Christ.  People would learn to love the Lord their God with all their heart, strength, and mind.  And, they'd learn to love their neighbor as themselves too.

Just for today...

"Only when I risk taking a close look at myself can my fears give way to the truth: As a child of God, I am all I need to be - loving, lovable, and splendid."  Courage to Change (p. 143)

"I know that God loves me just the way I am - a work in progress . . . If I start feeling emptiness and shame, I know I've crossed back to that place of isolation."  Hope for Today (p. 143)

May 21st - Staying Curious, Opinionated or Simply Trusting God?

The story...

I grew up in a "blue ribbon" family who thought that their way was the best way - others hadn't yet learned the right way.  My dad was forceful with his opinions, within the family, yet quiet and humbler when outside.  

I rebelled.  It may have started when I refused to show any emotion when he spanked me at about twelve years of age - he never spanked or punished me again.  He was a good man who didn't know the best way to be a father either - neither of us were given the "dad" instruction manual.  He did give me the freedom to live. One day I told him that I no longer needed my allowance.  I had a paper route and no longer wanted to do the small number of mandatory chores around the house - he said okay.  He stood by his word and I don't remember ever being compelled to make my bed again.

Like him, I wanted to be the best dad I could be.  I was so proud to win this trophy the weekend after my first child's birth - winning required running through pain.

I'm thankful for each life experience that's exposed me to other ways of thinking and living.  Being curious and a story teller by nature, I learned from other people's life stories.  Yes, I appreciate people who are different from me and vulnerable enough to share parts of their life stories. 

It seems that most people aren't quite so curious and are more comfortable and safer within tighter boundaries.  When I find it difficult to listen to people with restricted points of view, I've learned to be patient and seek to understand - being grateful for what I can learn from each.  I've intend to value each person whom I've had the privilege of getting to know better.  

In recent years, I've grown by listening to people who have a simple faith in God.  By simple, I mean that they've avoided thousands of hours of bible study in attempts to perfect their knowledge of God and the potential of their relationship with Him.  They simply rely on a few essential promises from God and believe on Him for their salvation from this life and for all eternity too. Then, they work their faith out in actualities.  It brings me great joy to share their life stories.

Everybody within the only church in town would be valued and known to be worthy of respect.  We would be heard and loved by our neighbors - just the way we are.  Oh..., the unlimited potential!

Just for today...

 "My children tell me they appreciate being able to talk with me without being 'fixed' or 'bossed' around . . . many of my problems stemmed from minding everyone's business but my own."  Hope for Today (p. 142)

"Humility is said to be perpetual quietness of heart.  It means that I do my part and trust God to take care of the rest."  Courage to Change (p. 141)

May 20th - The Marriage Contract

The story...

I'm so thankful for my life partner - she said yes 💖.  The marriage contract is a wonderful thing - to love each other, just as we are and will be, till death do we part.  She teaches me to love a bit more each day - I'm so thankful for her...

A marriage contract might work out otherwise.  Meat Loaf sang a wonderful duet "Paradise By The Dashboard Lights."  The protagonist is obsessively thinking and lusting over the girl.  She agrees with the caveat: "yes or no? . . . I gotta know right now . . . Will you make me happy the rest of my life? . . . Will you love me forever?"  He swears on his mother's grave that he'll love her till the end of time - he signs the contract.  Then he prays for the end of time so he can end his time with her.  He'll never break his promise or end his vow.

His relationship didn't seem sustainable.  Love's veiled promise unfulfilled.  Yet, he doesn't break his promise - he suffers along.  What'll he find when he enters the doors of the only church in town?  Justification for divorce, new ways for coping, a diversion, or a new method for changing her?

Within the only church in town, he'd learn about the potential death of his old nature - co-crucified and risen with the Son of God.  He's free from the tyrannical ruler of self -  a new man by the Power of God - yet the contract remains.  Rather than trying to convince her to change, she witnesses the power of God's transformation and may allow God to perform a great work within her heart too.  God does the heavy lifting - there's nothing we can do but trust Him and watch Him work - wow...

Wouldn't that be a great ending stanza to that song?  I don't think so, the song's too good the way it is.  Do you have a favorite song of transformation?  

Just for today...

"Before obsessive thinking takes hold, there is usually a point at which I have to make a choice.  I can opt to mentally toy with a subject that has held my mind hostage in the past or..."  Courage to Change (p. 121)

"Serenity is not abut the end of pain.  It's about my ability to flourish peacefully no matter what life brings my way."  Hope for Today (p. 141)

Lust, forgetful of future suffering, hurries us along the forbidden path."  Claudius Claudianus

May 19th - Fear and Hope - Opposites

The story...

I'm sitting in a pew listening to the call to fear and worry.  "Expect to be persecuted . . . this is no longer the nation where we grew up."  "Batten down the hatches - a storm's brewing!"  This seems to be the opposite of hope in God, the Creator, and His revealed plans for His creatures.

I'm not prone to fear; yet, I've been afraid.  I don't know what it's like to face the world with expectations of doom and gloom.  Sure, I've always enjoyed good health and insurance too.  More of my investments have been profitable than unprofitable.  I've never gone hungry or been homeless unless I placed myself in a situation where that was part of the plan.  I'm thankful that, but for the grace of God, I'm not the worrying, less hopeful, sort too.

I'm truly thankful with great hope for the future.  I appreciate the eternal life perspective that I was taught and worked into my reality by faith - faith in the only One who can save His creatures.  I think that my inner-man, heart, is secure yet storms and trials will come...  This post seems like a long string of "I" statements.  I'd rather be in a place where "I" focused more on others and the communities that we actually live in.

Manhood - by Thomas Cole

The only church in town would be a group that's sustained by hope within the promises and upheld Hand of God.  Yes, Alan Jackson would be welcome to sing of the power in the blood of the Christ in the only church in town.

Just for today...

"The future - even as close as tomorrow - is a closed book.  We cannot know what it holds, and the more we look for disaster, the more we invite it . . . This is something only God knows..." One Day at a Time (p. 140)

"Wasn't I comparing my insides to other people's outsides . . . If I compare, I lose.  Maybe I'll come out feeling better than somebody this time, but next time I'm bound to feel worse."  Courage to Change (p. 140)

May 18th - Are you trying to fix, manage, and control another?

The story...

So, I was uncomfortable with the pain that another was going through.  It seemed like I was "helping" them by working out a plan for their life, giving them that subtle suggestion, that tearful hug, that offer to help, that vision of who I think they might be if they would just...   If it were me, or when I was in a situation like that, I would...  The offer was to live vicariously through me and not try to work it out on their own - "you just aren't capable of 'winning' in the game of life on your own - you need me."

It's a good thing to see a person grow from dependence, to independence, and then on to interdependence - a fully functioning independent member of community.  There are many people that think it's just too risky to let others live their lives without their co-management, influence, and control - "you need me!"  Who might they have been if they were respected and shown the dignity necessary for them to work out their own life alongside others? 

Do these girls have a chance?  Backyard 4/02/23

Nobody wants to see people struggle within the only church in town.  Many think they're called to interfere and counsel others toward their version of the life style that they too are trying to live as they oughta.  Might they be advising them away from the narrower good path and on towards the wider and well worn "safer" path?

They're God's kids - he desires a fully-functioning relationship with them.  Why not rest and let them?

Just for today...

"Today I suspect that adversity has value I hadn't previously recognized.  When I face adversity and deal with my problems or express my feeling, things have a chance to improve . . . finally begun living life on life's terms."  Courage to Change (p. 139)

"He was a mechanical puppet, powered by his wife's determined will . . . it was the only way the poor man could escape from the terrible domestic powerhouse."  One Day at a Time (p. 139)

"I need to respect their right to choose, free of my interference, judgment, and control."  Hope for Today (p. 139)

May 17th - Be Yourself - Alive Today

The story...

About sixty guys lived on my dorm floor.  There were about sixty girls who lived on the girl's floors too.  There was a type of guy who was noticed and included in the groups that I wanted to be a part of.  So, I wore the right clothes, went to the same places, performed the same rituals, and suffered along the way.

One term, my roommate and I decided to "buck the system" - rebel.  We wore t-shirts, bibs, and tennis shoes without socks.  We piled our dirty clothes on the couch yet friends still crowded in our room to hang out.  Although we were being rebels of a sort, new social norms were being established - others started to behave like us.  I'm glad we cleaned up the next term.  It was fun but it was no place to stay.

Living vicariously means living life through another person.  It seems like most people do it yet it often leads to stress and unhappiness.  Put on a mask, play a role, try to fit it, be part of the group, please people, and possibly idolize the leader.  A better way is to be yourself already.  Live in the present with an honest appreciation of you.  Why not appreciate the joys of being alive today as we truly are?

George idolizes Tony

The people in the only church in town would work out their own faith together.  The group relationships will be important towards their growth, yet their most important relationship will be between them and God.  Their wise pastor would recognize the pitfall of being idolized - the group living vicariously through his life of faith.  He would, succinctly and directly, point them back to their true Savior lest he begin to enjoy being treated as a type of little god or even a sort of doted pet.

Just for today...

"While growing up I had used denial to block myself from feeling pain, which also blocked me from experiencing pleasure."  Hope for Today (p. 138)

"... if I concentrate on being right here, right now, I know that I am fine . . . Let me make today the most fully alive day I have ever experienced." Courage to Change (p. 138)

May 16th - Did I Take Up Too Much Space?

The story...

I grew up within a loud-large family where I felt the need to interject my story quickly, with enthusiasm, and in an interesting way, for people to acknowledge me - to fit it.  I was born with a personality that I seem to have crafted into that role - mine was different than all the others.  When I left the confines of my family, I realized the need to adapt my role playing to better "fit in."  I assumed the "real" me wasn't enough to naturally fit in - to avoid rejection.  So, I became proficient as the story teller.  I gravitated toward people and places where stories were told - where I could shine.  The college bar scene was the perfect environment until it wasn't.

My spouse married a fun guy - the story teller.  He was loud, funny, enthusiastic, and the idea guy - she complimented me in ways where I was lacking.  We were a good team - friends.  We had kids, supervisor jobs, and community roles that required adaptation to fit it.  

Later in life, I became more comfortable with me and dropped some of the habits that made up parts of my persona.  Some of my current "ways" might have been more natural for me, as a young boy, if I grew up in a different type of family.  Yet, I'm thankful that I tended to engage in life, liven the group with my stories, embark on new adventures, and change things up. 

Today, I'm truly a better listener - respect and value others more too.  I'm thankful for my current character within this epic story of life yet I also value my past roles - the tapestry of who I am.

The only church in town would appreciate each person as they are within their story.  Collectively, they'd know that they're a key part of a much richer tapestry.  A place where all people can rest, learn, grow, and abide in the reality of who they are in Christ.

 

Just for today...

"A wonderful nurturing atmosphere is created when people help other people by being themselves and sharing their own experiences."  Courage to Change (p. 137)

"When I feel I must take a radical and irrevocable step, shouldn't I make sure I am not motivated by resentment, hatred, or anger?"  One Day at a Time (p. 137)

May 15th - Don't Expect Much - You Might be Surprised.

The story...

My wife and I were sitting at an orientation session for freshman at a college that was founded on Christian principles.  I know I can't count on accurate memories of the past - I remembered the speaker as, Joe Stowell, a character in life who I admire - the actual speaker was Rex M. Rogers.  He shared that one out of ten of their professors were going through a personal crisis.  So, within each school year, there'd likely be at least one professor who wouldn't meet our expectations.  "Resist measuring the quality of the institution and it's messages based on your assessment of the people who work here."  

When I meet people, I likely: sense them, hear them, watch them, listen to them, interact with them, map their characteristics, and compare them to me and others I know.  Then I form a set of expectations for how they're likely to behave.  In my later years of life, I've thankfully minimized a last step of judging them as to whether they are "gooder" or "badder" than I thank they oughta be.

Curious George was my favorite character

When people behave in unexpected ways my interest and emotions are aroused.  I become curious.  I enjoy learning about people as they are as opposed to how "good they might be" if they were closer to my expectations as to who they oughta be.

I've heard that the course of each person's life was due to their genes, environment, randomness, and a series of reasonable choices.  If it weren't for the "grace of God" I'd be just as they are. 

I know that it's best to have a realistic set of expectations for people's behavior.  Some might say "hope for the best and accept the rest."  To me, it seems better to "don't expect too much and appreciate what you get."  Reality is a good place to live.

I hope that the only church in town would accept and gracefully love people just as they are.  If not for the grace of God...

Just for today...

 "Nobody but God knows what goes on inside another human being . . . I am not blameless . . . there is much to be changed in me."  One Day at a Time (p. 136)

"I needed to accept that they were operating at the highest level that they could at any given time . . . I accept their right not to change."  Hope for Today (p. 136)

May 14th - Step-Function Improvement

The story...

To forecasting what might happen in the future, we may look at recent past, expected events, seasonality, changes in the environment etc.  We might even create a mathematical forecasting model that'd be validated by inputting data from the past and checking how it'd have predicted what actually occurred.  We all forecast what we expect to happen in the future - some people tend to see the future as rosier than it likely will be and some overemphasis the negative possibilities.  Forecasting models help us better understand our bias.

A leader gets her group together to set a percent improvement goal for next year.  Say, the individual team members are willing to commit to a 5%, 10%, !0%, and 15% improvement.  The group might therefore decide on a 10% improvement goal - it's the average and most people believe it's doable.  The leader knows that the customers and owners want a 40% improvement.  So, she let's the group know that the goal will be a 40% improvement - a goal that's too big to make enhancements to the current way of doing things.  They need a step-function "big" improvement - significant change.  Management will give them the processes, time, resources, and support to make it happen.

Balance beam w/spring on the end - "it worked!"

The group puts their faith in the leader's commitment to change, the change process, promises of resources, and the principles that go along with it.  The principles include: always meeting customer needs, never rushing, and not staying busy all the time -  there must be time available to fulfill peak demands and to work improvement activities etc.  They PLAN the changes, DO the changes, CHECK to make sure the actual change meets their expectations, and ACT to make the changes permanent - life's better.

The only church in town will tell people that a step-function improvement in their lives can be worked out in reality.  Within the church, there are real-life examples of spiritual maturity with "skin on them."  They might witness relationships worked according to God's revealed plan for the "good life."  Each person grows at their own pace and the group grows too.  Step-function change happening when people fully trusted God - it's the power of God.

Just for today...

"First I dream. Then I do. Then I detach and let God determine the outcome."  Hope for Today (p. 135)

"Just when we reach the end of our patience, a doorway seems to open and we take a huge leap forward."  Courage to Change (p. 135)

May 13th - With Him or Without Him?

The story...

I was once the guy from out of town that comes into a manufacturing organizations to work out the change needed to meet their business plan.  One organization leader reassuringly told me: "You have the easiest job.  You can't fail.  All you have to do is find the solution that our organization believes will work.  You bring the resource requests and roadblocks to me.  I'll either accept or reject the path you're considering.  I do the heavy lifting.  We'll win because I'm behind you and I've got the power.  Keep me informed on where you're going."

A 5-lb. hammer changes things... "My Persuader"

Similarly, yet very differently, God's got the Power to work out His will either with me or without me.  Like the leader, keep Him informed and listen to His business plan.  Rest assured that He'll use you, likely in unexpected ways, according to His will and power.  Scripture says that He often chooses the weak to both work out His will while illuminating His power and glory.  Trusting God is a grand adventure that continues throughout eternity - that's truly awesome.

The only church in town would be power-filled and truly awesome.

Just for today...

"... I make my choices more conscientiously.  I do whatever footwork seems appropriate and then turn the results over to God . . .  Today I know that choosing not to decide is to decide."  Courage to Change (p. 134)

"I pray, 'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...'  Sometimes it's my viewpoint of the situation, and my course of action changes accordingly.  Sometimes the situation resolves itself with no effort on my part."  Hope for Today (p. 134)

May 12th: Why am I repeating my opinion?

 The story...

"If you continue to repeat your opinion then you're trying to control and manipulate others."  I remember when I first heard this.  If that's true then it's also true that I've spent much of my life attempting to manage and control other people's lives.  Me acting like a little god?  My intervention in their lives may have both stunted their growth and hindered their relationship with God. 

A friend of mine told me that he was profiting from reading the book "Scary Close" by Donald Miller.  This peaked my interest as many liked "Blue Like Jazz" and I learned the elements of a story in "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" - I also met Mr. Miller at a Hope College event - I like him.

So, I ordered the book and later went to my bookshelf and found an unread copy - a gift that never read.  Being an academic sort, I marked up one copy and recorded my key points in the back of the book with page references.  My friend and I met and discussed our recorded "key points."  It was a fruitful conversation and we both were significantly challenged by the visual example of the three pillows (pp. 205-209).

(pp. 205-209) notes.

The 3-pillow image is a reminder to avoid the dangers that likely lurk within a co-dependent relationship.  "Co-dependency happens when too much of your sense of validation or security comes from somebody else" (p. 206).  In a relationship, there are two souls - each soul has their own pillow that should not be tramped on by the other person.  The middle pillow is the relationship where both can work life together.  The warning is to never try to change the other person - do not step on the pillow of their soul!  Work out your own soul and allow them the dignity to work out theirs too.  We're responsible for our own soul and nobody else's.

The only church in town wouldn't work to fix, manage, and control each person so that they all reflected the same idea of what a "good" soul "should" look like.  The will of God for each person would be respected.  Each person would be treated with dignity - their soul, or pillow, would not be trampled on.  They'd sow seeds and grow at their own pace.  Each would value the relationship pillows where they work out life together - the community.

Just for today...

"Stating my opinion once is appropriate, any more than that is an attempt at governing those around me."  Hope for Today (p. 133)

"...deep down, there is a part of me, that pushes me to seek peace, happiness, direction, and wholeness in my life.  And I doubt my doubts."  Courage to Change (p. 133)

May 11th - Be kind to you - take it slow

The story...

I greatly appreciate every opportunity to meet with a friend where we leave our guns and armor at the front door.  No agenda, just hanging out together, sharing what's going on within our inner man.  It seems that it takes years to develop that type of vulnerable and trusting relationship that I'm describing.  I've a few relationships like that and I greatly value each of them.

Sometimes a friend's struggling with their current condition, suffering, coping, dealing with those people, or their disappointment with themselves.  They seem to breathe a deep "cleansing breath" when they hear a message like: "Hey, come on, be a best friend to you, treat yourself nice. give yourself some grace man.  You know how long it takes for us to grow - be patient with you already."

God's second greatest commandment, "love your neighbor as yourself," validates the legitimacy of loving yourself as part of our foundation for living a good life.  Might I love myself as I am, not just when I am performing up to my imagined standard of who I oughta be?  YES!  Let's give ourselves a break already.  Show you some grace like the grace that God offers.

Meaningful and lasting change takes time. In my experience, it takes about three times as long as I'd expect to make fundamental life changes.  What kind of changes am I talking about?  Developing close friendships, fully engaging within the group, living in the present, avoiding obsessive thinking, truly seeking to understand before being understood, loving those I've little affinity towards, eliminating self-defeating behaviors, avoiding even the idea of changing another person, working out the greatest commandments...

My turtle friend, from long ago, took it slow - a patient sort.

The only church in town would be characterized as kind.  Kindness and love worked out amongst real relationships through the power of God. Whoa, who wouldn't want to be part of a group like that?

Just for today...

"I spend more time with myself than with anyone else. . . Today I will spend some time exploring the most intimate relationship I will ever have - my relationship with myself."   Courage to Change (p. 132)

"I will learn to relax my stubborn grip on sufferings and allow the solutions to unfold by themselves." One Day at a Time (p. 132)

May 10th: Peace in the present

 The story...

It seems that people would want to be at peace with themselves and with others - some tried in the anti-war peace movement in the 1960s.  Yet, people disappoint or hurt us, resources are limited, suffering occurs, our decisions have consequences, we hear of daily acts of violence, God's will is different from ours...

I decided to make a concerted effort to promote peace within my family by giving every member a "Peace Frog" t-shirt for Christmas a few years ago.  The picture below is on the back of one of my two shirts that I really don't wear.  I don't think that my family members wear theirs either.  Actually, I just put this shirt on underneath my V-neck sweater.  It feels more right inside my sweater than flashing it towards those who might see me.  

I don't think that we're peaceful people by nature.  Our efforts to work towards an imagined ideal are good yet I think that reality is a far better place to live.  Scripture says that our reality is that God provides the way for us to have peace with Him, our Creator.  When we creatures are at peace with our Holy Creator, He indwells us in the person of the Holy Spirit.  Through Him, we can bear peace like an apple tree bears apples.

I 'm often surprised when I witness peace worked out within a group of people in the light of day.  And, I expect that people would witness and enjoy the peace of God worked out through the people of the only church in town.  I want to hang out in a place like that - "Right On!"

Shalom

Just for today...

"My unexpected situation turned into a pleasure-filled gift, once I was willing to look at it differently." Hope for Today (p. 131)

"He that is in perfect peace suspects no one, but he that is discontented and disturbed is tossed about with various suspicions..."  Thomas à Kempis

May 9th - Relationships

The story...

I'm in 7th-grade wood-shop class, the class bully's walking around the shop thumping a stick in his hand.  He was the strong tough kid that could do far more chin ups than any other kid in school. Thankfully, I was not one of the kids that "they" picked on.  One kid was forced to give him his lunch money and others were soundly humiliated.  Now he was walking towards me, at the table saw, sharing a few laughing glances with his friends.  He was thumping a board-club in his hand - I felt trouble coming.

"Would you help me set up the table saw?  I can't get it right."  The words came from my mouth; yet, to this day, I wonder what the source of those words was.  I can remember a quick change in his countenance - he dropped the stick and helped me set up the table saw.  A strange phenomena occurred yet I still don't know what happened - I've guessed.

On the way walking back from school he yells at me from behind.  I remember thinking, "oh no, here it comes."  He catches up with me and talks to me on the way home.  The same think happened for a few weeks - he wanted to be my friend.  This strange friendship didn't last long; but, it meant a lot to me.

Relationships develop within the only church in town. The most important relationship is with God yet relationships along our life journey are worthy.  

Just for today...

"I find that reworking my way through forgiveness has freed me to move beyond my pain.  I can now establish a healthier and more intimate relationship with God. Finally, I experience wonderful freedom."  Hope for Today (p. 130)

"If I am troubled, worried, exasperated or frustrated, do I rationalize the situation and put the blame on someone else?"  One Day at a Time (p. 130)

"One way to learn to love myself is to accept the love of others."  Courage to Change (p. 130)

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”  C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves (p.71)

May 8th - One-Minute Chunks of Life

The story...

Yesterday, a friend and I were discussing what it would be like to live close to half of our lives in the 30 second intervals that we might call the "present."  He got a bit uncomfortable with such a short period so we expanded the space to one minute.  It seemed right and good so we purposed to give it a try.  Was the experiment successful?  I don't know, yet I do believe that focusing on the present is worthy.  It's the time period where life's lived.

Blanchard and Johnson wrote a 1980's bestseller book "The One Minute Manager."  The book continues to be popular today.  Apparently, managers do their best too when they're working out their jobs and lives alongside co-workers in the present.  I wonder if that was the author's underlying theme yet my mind missed it as I wandered "to and fro."  

Today my intent will be to live in the 30-second intervals of the present, perceiving more, understanding, and communicating more calmly and purposefully.  Sounds like a good cake recipe.

Momma's birthday cake

Might the only church in town be a place where people might come to experience the present more fully?  I expect that there's a group norm that'll seem to push my behavior towards what's normal; yet, if my life bears fruit, as I walk humbly with God in the now, then maybe what's normal will begin to shift for the whole group?  Visitors might witness life being worked out in the present bearing fruit?

Just for today...

"I don't have to like reality, only to accept it for what it is.  This day is too precious to waste by resenting things I can't change."  Courage to Change (p. 129)

"Over time my plan has shifted from the accomplishments of a lifetime to adjusting my attitude one day at a time.  Instead of considering what I would do with my future, I now choose what I can do in the present."  Hope for Today (p. 129)

"If we surrender to God's guidance, it will cost us our self-will, so precious to us who have always thought we could dominate."  One Day at a Time (p. 129)

May 7th - The Delivery Held Back

The story...

I worked a delivery boy job, at a drug store, for about two years while in high school.  We were paid a fixed sum each week.  If there were more deliveries than normal then I stayed late along with the pharmacists who prepared the deliveries.  On one exceptionally late night, an emotional exchange pushed me to say "I Quit."  I actually didn't get the last word fully out.  The owner said "Rommel, what was it that you said?"  Thankfully, I stammered and said "nothing."

I liked the job, my boss, my co-workers, the customers, and the independence that the job offered.  I'm so... thankful that I didn't fully react to the emotions that were boiling inside me.  

I looked at the store's website while writing this post. I saw: the same pharmacist counter where they assembled my deliveries, the Fountain where the regulars sat on their stools and swapped stories, the front windows that I washed on Saturday afternoons...  The experiences helped develop the independent, more capable and interpersonal me - I'm so... thankful for all of them and cherish the memories. Yes, I'm glad I held back that last emotionally laden word.

The Delivery Car - Color was actually dark green

There will be disagreements and emotionally-charged exchanges within the only church in town.  Maybe forgiveness would happen more quickly and completely since there'd be no other church to run away to.  I expect that even heated exchanges would better the people, their relationships and, more importantly, their trust in God.  I'm so... thankful that I've worked out my life with others in my church for about 40 years.  Like staying on with the drug store, I'm so thankful that I didn't run away from an emotional exchange - we worked 'em out together - "praise the Lord."

Just for today...

"What others say or do may bring up feelings, but I need to remember they are my feelings. I am responsible for what I do with them."  Hope for Today (p. 128)

"I know that improved health in one family member can have a profound effect on the rest of the family."  Courage to Change (p. 128)

"We help best by inspiring people to think through and solve their own problems." One Day at a Time (p. 128)

May 6th - "You don't know what you don't know."

The story...

I wish I would've received more honest feedback throughout my life.  I expect that people often didn't feel safe delivering their perceptions or ideas to me.  What would I say and how would I react?  I wrote most of my own performance appraisals; yet, I sincerely appreciated those that were written by my supervisor with constructive feedback and a clearer view towards what "better" might look like.  I truly did act on much of the feedback and became a better employee and person along the way.  

Strangely, one of my favorite sayings is "you don't know what you don't know."  Those ideas, or truths, fit into one of the  four quadrants in the following diagram - this diagram continues to be very helpful for me.  As a teacher, I've this need to explain what this grid is and how it might best be applied.  Yet, it's self explanatory.  You'll likely desire to increase the size of your quadrant "A" and more honestly assess the amount of potential knowledge to be found in each of your quadrants.

As I've grown as a person, I believe quadrants "A" and B" have become bigger and that quadrants "C" and "D." have become smaller.  As humans, I expect that we vastly minimize the size of quadrant "D."

The only church in town would hopefully grow their congregant's knowledge found in quadrants "A," "B" and "C."  Working out the unknowns in quadrants "B", "C" and "D," that're revealed only in God's Word, are a primary reason for the church.

Just for today...

"I put so much energy into hiding the truth that, although no one rejected me, I was as isolated and lonely as if they had."  Courage to Change (p. 127)

"I wasted large portions of my day lost in daydreams, rewriting the past with happy endings and doling out justice to those who had caused me harm."  Hope for Today (p. 127)

May 5th - Limitations

The story...

If I'm honest with my reality and the limited control that I have over it, I stand, or bow, in humility.  The need to work out life best with an honest appreciation of me, humility. reminds me of a quote from the Dirty Harry movie Magnum Force: "a man's got to know his limitations."

Does being humble include being honest with our limitations and bowing in awe of our Creator and God?  It seems the only logical conclusion, makes sense with my life walk, and sits well within my stomach too.

I hope that the people of the only church in town don't build their faith based on the quality of their leader - often the pastor.  The pastor's under the curse, the law of sin and death, just like you.  Yet, all who attend the only church in town would hear him preach the good news.  "That Than Which There is No Greater" offered an all-powerful redeemer - His only begotten Son.  I'm glad that He's my redeemer and that I don't have to rely on me or the possibility of a helpful and capable guy like "Dirty Harry."

Just for today...

"I begin  to learn humility when I take the first step.  By admitting I am powerless, I make room for the possibility that a Power greater than myself can do all those things that are beyond my reach."  Courage to Change (p. 126)

May 4th - Mansion on the Hill

The story...

Are you okay with your character within the epic story of life?  I expect it's good to want to improve our condition yet it's probably more important to appreciate the good in what we got.

I remember imagining how great it would be to be a professor.  Graduate students working real projects alongside me and even stopping by my house to talk about their ideas and lives too.  I'd live in a one-story-brick house with a big front porch.  It'd never be winter on that tree-lined street where everybody felt welcomed.  We'd share our lives as we worked through the reality of this world and what might be.  I'd attend lectures, plays, and concerts.  Life would be bigger, wiser, and more fulfilling. 

The idea was compelling enough that I worked long and hard to earn my PhD and find that university job.  It was good, yet it wasn't as I imagined it would be.  I was tired at the end of a work day and looked forward to returning to my condo - away from campus, fellow professors, and the students too. 

Most people aren't alive and their time under the sun is over.  Biology, astronomy and the science leave me in awe of this "miracle" of life.  Wow, you and I are both alive if you're reading this sentence.  That's a big wow!

We can waste our life dreaming of a better reality, the "mansion on the hill," and miss the wonderful reality of what truly is.  Bruce Springsteen's album "Nebraska" does a good job of delving into the hopes, dreams, and the struggles of being human - the lyrics, guitar, harmonica and his comfortable voice resonated with my soul during a couple phases of my life.

We can look at life good or we can look at life bad.  Suffering breaks some people yet leads others to trust in God and His Word for their past, present and future.  I hope that the only church in town will be a place of joy and hope in the midst of suffering.  Their countenances and talk would speak of overflowing thankfulness for journeying though a life in Christ.   I hope we wouldn't find people commiserating in their futility - hoping for a mansion on a hill for fulfillment.

Just for today...

"If a man happens to find himself, he has a mansion which he can inhabit with dignity all the days of his life."  James Michener

"When a man of good-will is troubled or tempted or afflicted with evil thoughts, then he can better understand how great a need he has of faith in God."  Thomas à Kempis

May 3rd - Freedom to Flourish

The story...

A co-worker and I were commuting to-and-from Grand Rapids, MI as part of a continuing education curriculum devoted to helping us become better managers and leaders.  We were struggling to accept the lessons learned from a video we saw that night.  The video showed a "boss" who had multiple employees come into his office while he was setting plans for a golf outing.  Each of his reports would let him know of their problem(s) and how they were proceeding.  He acknowledged their planned actions, thanked them, and returned to planning his outing with his feet up on the desk.  It seemed like he was a disengaged, laissez-faire, manager.  Yet, the video suggested that good leadership might look like that - capable leaders and mangers performing their role in a sort of symphony together.  How could this be?   Shouldn't the boss give them advise, check on the progress of their work and pitch in to help?  You know, true servant leadership?

My fellow student and I both served support roles for multiple manufacturing facilities.  So, we challenged ourselves to decide which operation had the most capable leaders within the organization.  We were somewhat shocked when we realized that the leader of the best organization did behave much like the leader portrayed in the video - neither of us really thought he was a good leader.  Yet, his organization was like a farm team who developed good leaders and managers for the organization - they played wonderful music together.  We both learned a valuable lesson that night.

Freedom to work it out and grow

What would leadership look like within the only church in town?  I expect that they'd allow congregates the freedom to work out their own life and faith.  They'd be available, good listeners, offer related truth revealed by God, yet be slow to give advice as to what they should do or how they should do it.  They'd allow each person to grow with freedom to flourish within the will of God. 

Just for today...

"Sometimes it is more loving to allow someone else to experience the natural consequences of their actions, even when it is painful for us both."  Courage for Change (p. 124)

May 2nd - Do it Myself Curse

The story...

My dad grew up as the oldest of eight kids during the depression.  Their family didn't have much and worked hard to care for each other.  Once he described, with a tear in his eye, what it was like for the last of the salted pork to be used up in late winter - "who wants to ask their neighbors for food?"  I remember him quoting his mother: "don't buy what you don't need, you might lose it someday."

I admired my dad's resourcefulness - he could do it himself.  So, my brother and I also do it ourselves - the principle was passed on even though we don't need to worry about running out of food this winter.  

Working out the "do it yourself" principle can seem like a curse when: you spend more money, your repair's less reliable, you lose valuable time, you don't allow others to help you, you fret over how you'll fix it without help, or you're overburdened with tools, materials, and spare parts.

"I might need that someday."

I'd rather be more self aware and realistic when: making purchase decisions, deciding when to ask for help, trusting others to do it for me, and assessing my true capabilities.  I want to be available to both give and receive help and love with others.  And, I want to focus my inner man on walking humbly with God in Christ in a more unencumbered way.   

The only church in town would invest their resources and time to both give and receive help and love with others.  In community, they'd walk humbly with God, in Christ, in an increasingly unencumbered way. 

Just for today...

"When I become willing to let go of the need to do it by myself, I can listen to others and receive direction from God."  Courage to Change (p. 123)

"Denial can be a shock absorber for the spirit.  I can respect and be grateful for that survival mechanism, but I'll not hang onto it longer than necessary"  Hope for Today (p. 123)

May 1st - Contentment

The story...

It's after church about 25 years ago. We're on our way to Grand Rapids for dinner and shopping as a family.  It's springtime, and I'm pumping gas into my "sporty" station wagon while feeling thankful that the windows were rolled up.  The bickering and complaining, coming from those in the car, was too much.  I noticed a guy whistling as he walked to the gas station.  I saw him go inside and come out with a candy bar.  He unwrapped the candy bar and took a bite - he was clearly happy and maybe even joyful.  He walked away with a sort of bounce in his step.  I got back into the car and felt discontentment.  Why?  I seemed to have more than he had - why wasn't I content?

I don't have to explain this story for you.  We know the answers.  Yes, we've met the enemy and they are us.

The only church in town would have an answer for finding contentment throughout our lives.  And, we'd witness that contentment worked out by others within their lives too.  We'd also witness a sense of calm within the inevitable storms.

Eugène Delacroix, 1853

Just for today...

"There are many areas of my life that I cannot change.  What I can change is my attitude. Today I can accept my life as it is.  I can be grateful and happy, here and now, with what I have."  Courage to Change (p. 122)

"If I believe in a Power greater than my own, it would be unreasonable for me to behave as though I were all-wise."  One Day at a Time (p. 122)