February 2nd - Hoping for Love

The story ...

I remember walking up to the door of my seventh-grade Sunday-school room.  The girl that I secretly loved was with a friend who she seemed to identify with.  The friend asked me to show them my fingernails.  I paused before extending my open hand and fingers with my palm facing the linoleum floor.  They both broke out laughing - "you're like a girl!  Guys show their nails as a fist with palm up."  I was secretly crushed, likely tried to pretend I wasn't affected, yet I must have emoted my internal reality.  My secret search for love was publicly dashed.  I added a few plates to my personal armor to guard against that from ever happening again.  Oh... the pain of rejection - my wounded heart!

The church where the scene played out.

How might the one church in town have helped me?  My Sunday school teacher might have noticed my behavior change. Someone might have realized that I had no best friend at church.  As some aptly describe, I felt like I was alone on an island yet surrounded by people.  My parents forced me to go to some of the youth meetings - I didn't engage.  I became cynical and critical about the group that rejected me.  

In High School, I got a job that allowed me to miss every other Sunday service. I tried to bring order and meaning into my life without God's help. I didn't even know that a right relationship with God was possible.

Thoughts for the day ...

"So I continued to hide and did not accept who I really was."  Hope for Today (p. 33)

"Today, being humble means climbing down from the ladder of judgement of myself and others, and taking my rightful place in a worldwide circle of love and support . . . My thoughts are my teachers.  Are they teaching me to love and appreciate others, or are they teaching me to practice isolation?"  Courage to Change (p. 33)