August 4th - Express yourself - really

The story...

Yesterday, I listened to a guest speaker describe his perceived value of knowing the difference between his imagined self and his real self.  Yes, we all likely developed and refined an image of who we were to "better" cope with the realities of life. 

Our need to belong to, or fit in with, any group often leads to a sort of group think - a place where pleasing people and conforming to group norms is very important.  Bruce Lee describes his value of expressing himself within the following video.

Isn't it best to belong to and fit into the group that you identify with?  Isn't it polite and respectful to think and behave like the group?  You did have some control over the decision to join the group and possibly even become a "member."  

Visitors to the only church in town will likely find a different world view - a place where they might express a more true self.  It seems they'd start with themselves, then with others, and ideally with God too.  Or, it could be another place where they'd merely conform to the new group norms - if they feel group acceptance then they're okay?  Maybe they aren't okay if they merely fit in.

For me, it seems that we'd all want to be our true selves walking in a actual relationship with our Creator and God - being okay each day and expectantly living with eternity in view.  Yet, that means that our imagined self would need to be transformed in a sort of death.  Our imagined self, or ego, seems to want an environment that conforms with, and bolsters, this image that's been developed and refined throughout a lifetime.

Just for today...

"'But he knew what I expected,' not realizing that it may have been precisely for this reason that he rebelled and acted otherwise."  One Day at a Time (p. 217)

"Since my parents were my main authorities in my life until then, I expected my boss to treat me the same way my parents did.  I acted on the expectation by shutting down in fear.  If I felt uncomfortable about something in the workplace, I kept quiet. When I felt my employee rights were violated, I stuffed my anger."  Hope for Today (p. 217)

August 3rd - Offer Dignity and Respect

The story..

Being the fourth child of the family, with a rebellious spirit, I tended to reject my parents', well intentioned, efforts to control my life.  When faced with resistance, my parents gave me enough "slack" to work out my own way in life.  I learned some of the things that they tried to teach me by experiencing the consequences of my behavior.  I modified, adapted, rolled with the punches, and eventually trusted God's Word regarding who I was and might be in actuality.

I tried to teach my kids what I'd learned so that they might avoid some of the struggles and pain that I went through - I certainly didn't want them to miss out on the freedoms that I valued.  Our parenting methods were a subtle version of  fix, manage, and control - they didn't result in the type of fruit we expected right away - they seemed to rebel too.  I expect that each person does need to be allowed the dignity and respect to work out their own lives. 

The only church in town would know that only God's Will is best.  Thank goodness He did reveal directly, and through prophets, what we do need to know to live a good life within the Will of God.  Congregates would be able to see the fruit of the Spirit of God worked out in other people's lives and witness fruit born within their own lives too.  The only church in town would be a respite from the comings-and-goings of this world - a place to rest in the reality of God's Will.

Just for today...

"My happiness cannot possibly depend on my forcing changes in somebody else. Nor does my misery come from anyone but myself."  One Day at a Time (p. 216)

"... I don't accept my mother as she is either! I want her to embrace my way of thinking, start saying no to people, and not to get so upset about unimportant issues. Basically I want her to think as I do . . . self-righteousness, arrogance, and control."  Hope for Today (p. 216)

"I am able to face the reality of the past, not to place blame or wallow in self-pity but to learn from it." Courage to Change (p. 216)

"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him."  Aldous Huxley

August 2nd - Active Verbs for Living a Good Life?

The story...

Assuming we've an idea as to what a "good life" is; then, how do we live it out?  What active verbs might best describe how to "learn to live?"  My brainstorming exercise resulted in the following twenty-four active verbs: Abide, Ask, Be, Blog, Build, Encourage, Enjoy, Forgive, Imagine, Invest, Leave, Listen, Love, Plant, Pray, Read, Receive, Sense, Sing, Stretch, Thank, Trust, Wail, and Water.  It took awhile to build a longer list and then reduce it down to 24 - my favorite number.  Yes, living can be overwhelmingly complex or as simple as...

Somebody asked me to volunteer to help out with a youth mentoring organization in July 2023.   A good friend of mind encouraged me to say yes.  I entered too much information on the application and met with the program director.  Their mission is to mentor at-risk kids to increase the likelihood of them living a good life.  It's a worthy mission, I'm available, it seems like it'd be part of a good life, so I said yes.  Is my decision part of  God's Will?  Yes, saying yes was a reasonable and good response - good life building results seem likely.

People will have opportunities, within the only church in town, to engage in a life that's bigger than self.  Yes, there'll be opportunities to exercise all twenty-four active verbs.  God's Will is certainly worked out beyond the boundaries of the church so I expect that our opportunities to apply these active verbs are endless.

Just for today...

"When my thoughts are centered on learning to live, I will be less tempted to involve my mind with the thoughts of how others live."  One Day at a Time (p. 215)

August 1st - I've come far and I'm not going back.

The story...

Twelve of the positive changes I've enjoyed during the past few years include: 

• Less forming or sharing opinions for what I think is "best' for them
• Less scratching my metaphorical uncomfortable "itches" with food, activities, games, alcohol etc.
• More frequent prayer and quiet meditation - enjoying more peace and rest
• Seeking to understand others before being understood - it's more natural now
• Accepting reality as opposed to developing and arguing for what oughta be
• Abiding in a state of rest and peace as opposed to one of amped-up emotions
• Consciously setting and relaxing personal boundaries
• Living more in the present and obsessing less about the past and future
• Saying no without an obligation or need to explain myself
• Communicating my message once - resisting the urge to convince others with repetition
• Loving more and accepting love from others
• Valuing and building closer, less-guarded, relationships

"+" life change decisions like being strong

There were reasons I behaved differently than the above.  I've refused temptations to revert to my past ways when triggered by whatever - I don't intend to go back.  Praise God for the changes that He seems to have worked into my life both directly and through those who are His.  Why choose to revert to a less fruitful life?  You know the answer.

People attending the only church in town will witness the Word of God worked out through other's lives.  They'll be more conscious of what their life is and what it might be.  They'll learn to trust God.

Oh the vastness of God and His creation - I can only imagine.  We're His creatures and He's the Creator.  I hope that all men will choose to abide in Christ - safe in the hands of God.

Just for today...

"I do not respond well when someone tries to impose their will on me; why have I tried  to impose my will on those around me?  There is only one person I'm responsible for, and that is me."  Courage to Change (p. 214)

"Little by little I can change my world - not by escaping to a new one with the same old me, but by making a new me out of the old one."  One Day at a Time (p. 214)

"My spirit is set free each time I take the risk  to express myself to people who understand how I think and feel."  Hope for Today (p. 214)

July 31st - If stronger triceps muscles help then how might...

The story...

It scrolled upon my computer, an ad for a pulley with weight lifting attachments that'd allow me to do pull-down exercises in my basement.  It seemed liked a simple and doable strength solution to my lower back limitation - it was less than $30.  Where would I put it?  One click and it was purchased.

I took down the heavy punching bag, that I didn't use, and it was situated just right.  The change to my weight lifting regime was both satisfying and fruitful - my triceps have never been stronger.  Basketball shooting was never my strong point - I was surprised at how much easier, accurate and precise my shots are now.  I continue to be surprised at how some everyday tasks are easier and more satisfying too.

It seems most people don't do strength training - "It's just not my thing."  It does require 25 minutes, two or three times per week.  For me, I listen to my spiritual mentor, Charles Stanley, on the TV while I'm lifting.- I come up from the basement better off physically, emotionally, and spiritually then when I went down.

We're all different and it takes time to make sustainable changes within our lives.  Until the change works out in actualities and habits, it's hard to know how life will be different.  For me, I don't want to give up weight lifting or my motorcycle.  I've a friend who wouldn't give up her quilting, another who wouldn't give up her garage sales, another guy who is passionate about his guns, another who loved her gardening, and another who wouldn't give up her pickleball leagues. 

The only church in town would allow opportunities for every person to apply their God given gifts, abilities, and interests.  And, they'd hear about life-giving changes that people experience along their life journeys.  They'd also hear how the Spirit of God intervened before significant real-life changes started.  If it was from God, you won't want to go back to the old-stale stuff.  I guess it depends on who your master is - you or your Lord.

Just for today...

"When I take one day, one moment, one task at a time and really concentrate on it, a lot more gets done."  Courage to Change (p. 213)

"I must learn to accept myself as I am. Everything good I can bring about must begin with that."  One Day at a Time (p. 213)

"I reaffirm that God is a Power greater than myself with thoughts and feelings very different from mine. This allows me to set my thoughts aside and take time to focus on His thoughts and how He wants to express them through me."  Hope for Today (p. 213)

July 30th - "Don't worry be happy?"

The story...

In June, 1981, I visited my family in Whitehall, MI, for a weekend vacation.  I'd recently joined a wonderful group of believers who regularly studied their bibles together in Oak Ridge, TN.  They were working out their faith in ways that were new, and filled with unexpected goodness, to me.  The leader, Bill Job, was freely sharing the reality of his own faith walk as he shared God's revealed Word.  I'd decided to follow Jesus - no turning back, no turning back.  I first heard about the concept of God's grace through Bill.

I shared what I learned, and decided, with my dad on our way back to the cabin for lunch.  My dad paused, turned to me and said, "It sounds good, but you just can't live like that . . . life just doesn't work that way.  You can try."

Why not try to live a good righteous life, do your best, and try to be happy in all circumstances?  Seriously, why not?  This is a question worthy of pondering.  Was my dad right?  Is it impossible even with our best efforts?  Like many perplexing questions, and answers, he seemed to be both right and wrong.  I learned that I can't, no matter how hard I try, yet God can.  He changed me from the inside out.  He changed my heart and my will was bent to trust Him.  My "good" life's grown through ongoing prayer and communion with my Father in Christ.  I thankfully praise God for His might, power, grace, and love for even me.  Yet, my "self" is still on the "shelf" - readily available whenever...

I expect that the only church in town will offer knowledge, relationships, and opportunities for each attender to trust God and quit trying to be good on their own.  When they do, there's no turning back - God is faithful to His Word.

Just for today...

"I choose happiness and then abandon my choice at the first sign of trouble.  How deep can my commitment be if I allow even slight obstacles to rob me of my sense of well-being? . . . If I have a long-standing habit of responding to problems by feeling like a victim, it may not be easy to stand by my decision to be happy."  Courage to Change (p. 212)

July 29th - Live a peaceful or exciting life?

The story...

People in their 60's often tell me about the exciting things they want to do with their free time that wasn't available within the last few stages of life.  Attention to their duties of life prevented them from living the "good life" that they expect to experience with that RV, second house, doting on grand children, extended vacations, bigger barn, hobby, tower building, financial investments, physical endurance feats, novel writing, life trophy...  Now, they're "free" to live the good life - self actualizing.

Why was this "good life" not available to them during the bulk of their more productive and capable years?  I expect that this question is worthy of self reflection - getting to the root cause(s).

Some people seem to resent my vision of the "good life" - living a peaceful life humbly walking with God in the present - enjoying interactions with people, creation, and His presence.  Practicing loving the Lord my God with all my heart, mind and soul and my neighbor as myself.  That seems like a worthy overarching goal - a North Star.

I hope that people in the only church in town would be free to be honest with themselves and the reality of what God's revealed for us.  His Word says He desires to enjoy those whose hearts are His and that we can enjoy walking humbly with Him too in the midst of all life circumstances.  The pull of the actualities of people's lives into "the world" will continually challenge truths revealed in God's Word.  Yet, they'll witness the effects of "That Than Which There is No Greater."  Why not trust God and be thankful?

Just for today...

"Quiet can be achieved with complete silence, but if the silence has in it even a trace of anger or hostility, it loses all its power . . . Most angry words have no basis in logic or reason anyway, so why need they hurt me?"  One Day at a Time (p. 211)

July 28th - Living in the present - it takes time to live there.

The story...

"What are you thinking about right now?"  I remember asking that question to multiple people who answered with their response: "nothing."  Since I seemed to be constantly thinking about things, I interpreted their feedback as not being very self-aware, hiding their thoughts, self-medicated, or merely being a non-contemplative personality.  To my knowledge, it never crossed my mind that they might be living in, and experiencing, the "present" as opposed to living in the "past" or "future."

How did I wake up to the value of living in the present?  A significant personal issue led me along a path of brokenness and obsession over probable causes for the turmoil and those who contributed to the problem.  I was obsessing over the situation and it was affecting me negatively - physically, mentally, spiritually, and relationally.  I met with a group of people who had experienced similar life brokenness and they taught me the value of living in the present where life, the Spirit of God, and real relationships are worked out in reality.

I practiced, living in the present, while hiking in the woods.  When obsessive thinking about the past or future began to weigh heavy upon my shoulders, I literally brushed them off with my hand.  I focused on my five senses and experiencing what was going on in my environment, my heart and my spirit too.  The process of "living in the present" took about two years to integrate into the actualities and patterns of my life - what a wonderful change for the whole me.

I've been told that living too much in the past leads to depression and that living too much in the future leads to prolonged anxiety - that rang true to me.  Living in the present, where actual life and God are, clearly seems to be the best way to experience reality, relationships, love, and the seemingly illusive good and satisfying life.  You just might find all joy and hope there too (Romans 15:13).

The people visiting the only church in town may witness love and the value of living within God's presence.  He did all the heavy lifting to forgive all the sin that separated us from living "the good life" in the "present" walking humbly with God (Micah 6:8) - true peace and rest.

Just for today...

"A stonecutter may strike a rock ninety-nine times with no apparent effect, not even a crack on the surface.  Yet with the hundredth blow, the rock splits in two. It was not the final blow that did the trick, but all that had gone before . . . The results may have revealed themselves abruptly, but I know that all those months of faith and hard work made the change possible."  Courage to Change (p. 210)

July 27th - Are my boundaries helping me?

The story...

I've frequently bounced into other people's boundaries without a conscious understanding of what they were or why they were built.  Maybe a definitive book on boundaries, backed up by research, would be helpful.  The twelve chapter headings might be titled:

• Barbed wire
• Body armor
• Breakable
• Concrete
  
• Criticized
• Expanding
• God's
• Low
• Missing
• Movable
• Safety
• Transparent

Honestly, I need personal boundaries. It seems reasonable that I'd actually clarify them and review them periodically - I might even need a new one.  Boundaries seem to help us develop those healthy relationships that are key ingredients to the "good life." 

Yes, there'd be healthy boundaries within the only church in town.  People would be allowed to be themselves and grow at their own pace.  Visitors will likely enter the church with boundaries that help them cope with and work out their current lives.  Those boundaries will probably change as the Spirit of God penetrates their lives and as they grow within the safety and grace of God.

Just for today...

"I believed it was my responsibility to help others who could not or did no want to help themselves . . . Doing for other didn't allow them them to be responsible; it enabled them to be irresponsible. Caretaking robs others of the self-esteem that comes from struggling with and conquering the challenges that God has planned for their lives."  Hope for Today (p. 209)

"We must alter our lives in order to alter our hearts, for it is impossible to live one way and pray another."  William Law

July 26th - Why listen to them?

The story...

Some people, with peaceful hearts, do seem to love other people better and more naturally listen to them.  Yet, it seems that most people, who are primarily focused on themselves, have a hard time learning to listen well.  I experienced most of my life trying to be a good listener yet my mind naturally drifted back to me an what I wanted to communicate.  I practiced self-help listening methods to the point that most people would claim that I was a good listener.  The benefits of my efforts to try to be a good listener were illusive.  The truth was, I was more interested in me than them or what they had to say.

Manfred Mann's Earth Band (1976)

My heart has changed and I now do love other people more and truly want to understand them and their stories.  I believe it's a work of the Spirit of God in my life.  Praise God that I'm freer to love and be loved.

Why would I choose to return to a more self-focused life?  I greatly value my relationships and listening to better understand.  Seeking first to understand truly is an important part of both starting and growing relationships.

Yes, I'd choose to attend the only church in town, share the Word of God, and work out my faith with co-sojourners.  I am a Christ-one and will be no other.

Just for today...

"As a child in a _______ home, I wasn't encouraged to share my viewpoints. When I did, I didn't feel as though anyone was listening. Someone always ended up walking away hurt or angry. . .  I've learned not to use my authority to push my viewpoint or to punish someone for disagreeing with me. I've also learned to avoid controversy by listening and encouraging others to share their viewpoints when making decisions."  Hope for Today (p. 208)

"We can't seem to get around to thinking about what we may be doing that damages us. . . Do I seek relief from my resentments by retaliation, instead of forgiveness? . . .What shall it profit a man to be right if he thereby make an enemy?"  One Day at a Time (p. 208)

July 25th - What do we do when we don't get needed approval?

The story...

It felt good to receive good grades in elementary school.  It was easy to remember the assignment and recite it back to the teacher. John, Jill and I had the best memories in the class.  I could look at the letter grade on my paper and quickly compare it with those around me - I was better.  This changed in middle school - learning required more practice and there were more people. 

My seventh grade math class was situated in a trailer outside the school and the curriculum allowed kids to learn at their own pace.  When I got too far ahead, my teacher asked me to help those who were struggling.  I tried to help one particular guy, he seemed to resent my efforts and stole my set of colored pencils.  He and I were very different and naturally gravitated to different groups of 7th or 8th graders.  I sought respect within my academics and he from being like the cool "tough" kids.

I don't remember studying at home - I must've yet I don't remember it.  In high school, I took a strange sort of pride from never taking text books home - the academic role didn't seem to fit me anymore.  I made few attempts to please my teachers.  It was almost as though I rejected my teacher's authority before they rejected and "graded" me.  College was a similar experience yet most of the students in the engineering curriculum were naturally intelligent and motivated to learn.

It seems that we all desired approval yet I tended to reject the evaluators before they rejected me.   Yes, it seems I feared rejection and built a sort of protective shield.  I felt group acceptance by being the story-telling guy rather than working out and living out the more real and natural me.  

The only church in town would offer the grace necessary for loving people as they are.  People will feel more safe and loved when they take their masks off and find people who they can related to and grow with.  Might accepted and loved people more freely receive the love of God and His workings through other people? Yes they can!

Just for today...

"Why did I continue to deny my own feelings to gain someone's approval? . . . Was I able to face the real me behind the people-pleasing image?  Do I say what I mean and mean what I say?" Courage to Change (p. 207)

"As we abandon the role of accuser, judge and manager, the home climate shows marked improvement.  A pleasant, cheerful environment..."  One Day at a Time (p. 207)

July 24th - My will isn't God's will yet God created me with a will.

The story...

This Friday's trip to Ludington State Park, on on my new yellow-KLR motorcycle, was wonderful.  I rode a new route and saw things that I'd previously ignored.  It seems I was often rushing in a quest to either get to a better place or to rush home as quickly as possible. 

Wow! Ludington Pumped Storage Plant

The weather was good, the people were friendly, the waitress was extra helpful, and the state park looked just like I left it - there were nice improvements.  Yet, the highlight of my trip plan was to cast a yellow-red Daredevil spoon off of the Lake Hamlin sand dunes - I imagined catching that Northern Pike. I planned for it, willed it, hiked there, had the stuff, and even the weather to make it happen. Yes, I was attempting to "bend" reality according to my will.  To my dismay, the area had too many boats and my secondary fishing site had two people wading in the bay!  My imagined reality wasn't going to happen.

I prayed a short prayer of thankfulness and remembered that God's will wasn't my will  Obviously, He has a different and righter plan than I could imagine.  So, I walked back to the parking lot with maybe five casts - silver, #3 Mepps spinner, no buck tail - along the way.  I sat down on a bench and closed my eyes for a few minutes.  The scene was comfortable, peaceful, and the sounds of the kids playing at the beach were joyful.  I gathered myself, picked up my rod, and sauntered along the shoreline to the dam.  There was an old man fishing below the dam who shared that he had no luck.  He wished me the best and on my third cast I caught the Pike I had hoped for - it was a joyful experience.

I do wear a big shoe...

There were always reasons for doing what I've done in my life.  I've made a series of reasonable choices, within the confines of my environment(s) and capabilities, to end up here.  Good situations sometimes resulted in increasing pride and smugness that led to downfalls while trials often resulted in a better, more capable, and thankful, me.  I'm thankful for everything about my life thus far.

God made us with a will to work out our life yet He intervenes through His sovereign will as He wishes.  We can ignore Him and reap the consequences of a self-willed life, trying to bend reality, or trust Him and experience increasing heart-felt joy and peace.  How could our will ever come close to the will of God for our lives?

The only church in town would share God's revealed truth for both eternity and this life too.  They'd share scripture like 1 Corinthians 15 so that people might hear and believe in God's provision for us, His creatures.  What an awesome wonder to be able to humbly and rightly walk with God in Christ. 

Just for today...

"At that moment of smug self-righteousness, God decided to send me a spiritual awakening. He told me that perhaps they understood more about Him than I did.  After all, they were the ones who were happy and free, filled with peace. Perhaps I could learn something from them if I opened my mind enough to listen and opened my heart enough to risk getting involved..."  Hope for Today (p. 206)

July 23rd - Am I trying to bend reality according to my will?

The story...

There are reasons for why I did the things that I did.  Reasons for the good and reasons for the not so good.  Sometimes I ignored information and put on rose-colored glasses to gloss over the truths that would prevent me from working out my will.

Ambervision glasses were good - the world looked better

I learned to be more honest with me and my situation; understanding more fully, albeit incompletely, the way God views my condition and life.  With this in mind, why do I continue to have resentments, for what other people did, crop up into my mind?  I know that the thoughts aren't good for me, or anybody else, yet they seem to reside somewhere, dormant, in the back of my mind.  Do they stay around to reduce the risk of a reoccurrence?

People within the only church in town will need healthy boundaries to work out their faith and life amongst the wide range of people who are likely working out their phase of life the best they can.  Life looks better without willing life to be different or attempting to bend reality.  Our honest humility opens up our trust in God and maybe a few close friends too.  Truly, rest, peace can be found in reality walking humbly with God.

Just for today...

"I am no longer a victim, full of self-pity and bent on control of every aspect of my life." Courage to Change (p. 205)

"Resentments mark the place where I see myself as a victim . . . Feeling resentments was like drinking poison and hoping that the other person would die! . . .  What do I get out of feeling like a victim? . . . I felt protected by my resentments. They acted as a barbed-wire fence to keep away the people I felt had hurt me.  The problem was I kept pricking my own skin on the barbs.  I also was comfortable with my resentments."  Hope for Today (p. 205)

July 22nd - Might we drop our cloaking shields to let in precious relationships?

The story...

I attended a week-night class, at our church, when I was 64.  I sat in the same seat next to three people who were significantly different from me.  Each evening, the leader would break us into small groups to answer two questions.  The second question normally opened the opportunity for our "guards" to be dropped so that we might listen more closely to each other's inner person - their heart.   As you might guess, we became good friends and I love each of them more deeply than most people at our church.  These three relationships were an unexpected blessing to me.

There were other people in the class who I've known much longer than my three new friends.  I don't share the same type of relationship with them.  I probably could but I don't.

Thankfully I stayed curious + made friends

The only church in town would be a place where it might seem normal for a person to meet another co-sojourner and ask earnestly "how's your heart today?"  And, you might perform a 3-sec.self-inventory and respond that you are both thankful and joyful despite the circumstances that you're currently experiencing.

Just for today...

"I don't have to like everybody, but I want to look deeper to find the spirit that we share in common . . . I will keep an open mind toward each person I encounter today. If I am ready to learn, anyone can be my teacher."  Courage to Change (p. 204)

July 21st - Does a birdfeeder help or hurt the birds?

The story...

I've enjoyed feeding birds over the last few years.  Surely, they don't need seed in May yet they seem to appreciate it the rest of the year.  We can sense the community of nature around our house and feeders.  The squirrels, turkey and deer search the area for fallen seed.  More birds seem to live and nest in the area. Our chunk of the woods seems more alive and vibrant.  The sound of singing birds contribute to a sense of peacefulness.

The bird feeding naysayers say that the bird population might rise artificially to an unsustainable level, or it's a waste of time and money, or they may catch diseases from their close proximity to each other, or the woodpeckers will tear our house up, or we'll stop feeding them and upset the ecosystem.  The costs of living in a bird community are too high - the birds must live independently in order to survive.

Turkeys, squirrel, & deer must wish they'd get at the source of that seed.

The only church in town will be kind of like my bird feeder.  People congregate and feed off good together.  The people are different and don't always get along yet they need each other.  It certainly is a place to spread summer colds.  The quality of the food delivery can vary and some will say "idealistically" it should be different.  Yet the source is available to them - truth from the Word God.

As for me and my house, we plan on continuing to enjoy feeding the birds and feeding our hearts, minds, souls, and spirits along with our fellow sojourners within church.

Just for today...

"At best my family had poor communication or none at all. It seemed no one was available to help me. In fact, I usually was the recipient of criticisms and complaints. Instead of feeling united with my family, I felt isolated and alone."  Hope for Today (p. 203)

"When I let go of a situation, I allow life to unfold according to that plan. I open my mind and let other ways of thinking or behaving enter in. When I let go of another person, I am affirming their right to live their own life, to make their own choices, and to grow as they experience the results of their actions."  Courage to Change (p.203)

July 20th - Why live in an imaginary reality?

The story...

Males in my mother's and father's families were all balding except for one.  My receding hairline and "spot" were visible in my wedding pictures.  I knew it was happening yet it crept up slowly.  Then, there was the day that my friend who cut my hair, Penny, reached for the electric cutter rather than the scissors.  She admitted that trimmers would do just as good as scissors yet she appreciated both my business and our friendship.  The day that I finally accepted that I was bald and began cutting my own hair was a good one.  I let loose of the old and accepted the reality of the new.  Actually, there're advantages living in the reality of being a bald guy.  I could list a few, that you might not be aware of, but that's not what this story's about.

Living within the reality of our actual environment, mental, physical, and spiritual state is the best place to be - peace, well being, and joy can be found there.  Living in an imaginary place, within any of these dimensions, is like living in a house of cards.  Maybe hyped-up emotions are an indicator or sign that you might be living outside reality.  Might those over reactions and need to do exciting stuff, with amped-up emotions, indicate a life lived in the uncomfortable state of an imagined reality?   Are our emotions like gauges that might give us clues as to "What's going on?"

"What's going on?"  4 Non-Blondes

The only church in town would be a place where you can find out what's going on.  People who reach out in love may ask you.  And, most importantly, you can hear and better understand what God has revealed about what's really going on.

Just for today...

"By clutching at what we most want to keep, we lose it all the more rapidly . . . By letting go of our efforts to influence the future, we become freer to experience the present, to feel all of our feelings while they are happening, and to more full enjoy those precious moments of joy with which we are blessed."  Courage to Change (p. 202)

July 19th - Why didn't you just ask?

The story...

I first saw it while I quickly ran down the stairs on Christmas morning.  There it was!   It was blue, my favorite color, shiny, big and a 5-speed.  My parents got me a man-sized bike for Christmas!  I don't remember begging for it yet I might've.  Maybe my mother felt my need when she saw that other kids had full-sized bikes and that I was still riding the hand-me-down bike.  Maybe they felt obligated to give it to me because they did the same for my older siblings.  It was a real need and it was met well.  It might've been part of the reason that I accepted a paper route that I kept for four years.  That paper route helped shape me into a better, more capable, person.  The paper route prepared me to accept my job as the drug-store delivery boy.  And the drug-story delivery boy job prepared me for...  Yes, that bike was a need that was worth asking for.

Mine wasn't a Schwinn but it did have a rack on the back.

I wanted so many things that I didn't ask for.  Why?  Maybe, I didn't' think that people would want to give them to me.  Or, I was comfortable with the way things were even though they weren't great.  Maybe, I developed coping skills that told me that I was better off than others and I didn't need anything - they were wrong and I was right.  Or, I didn't know if I was capable of using the thing if I got it.  Maybe, if I got it, I might lose it someday. Or, maybe I simply feared rejection.  Maybe, I wanted to be loved above all other things and the "no" answer would move the possibility of being loved even further away...

The only church in town would be a safe place where your need for love might best be understood and at least partially fulfilled.   Yes, our ultimate need is to love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind and strength.  And, to love our neighbor as ourself.  That kind of stuff sounds real good and worthy of asking for.

Just for today...

"If I want or need something, I have to let someone know.  I need to ask, which means taking risks.  Maybe my request will be granted; maybe it won't.  If it is, great. If it isn't, I'll still feel better for having asked, and then I can move on to someone else who might be able to help me."  Hope for Today (p. 201)

"Walls are solid and rigid; they keep others out, and they keep me trapped inside.  Boundaries are flexible, changeable, removable, so it's up to me how open or closed I'll be at any given time.  They let me me decide what behavior is acceptable, not only from others but from myself."  Courage to Change (p. 201)

July 18th - No Man is an Island - Thomas Merton

The story...

The life of a monk, I'll never experience.  I do aspire to have the ability to write honestly and robustly about the actualities of my life and faith.  My ability to communicate my reality is hampered by my: limited communication skills; ability to understand my own heart; the few people I share the reality of my faith with; and the interference that my "self" causes. 

I'm so thankful for the faithful life of Thomas Merton - his honest description of his life journey, his faithful walk in Christ, and his ability to describe it so accurately and succinctly.  Contemplating his paragraph copied and cited below is helpful.  I'm not able to add to what he so succinctly presents - just for today.

Just for today...

"To consider persons and events and situations only in the light of their effect upon myself is to live on the doorstep of hell.  Selfishness is doomed to frustration, centered as it is upon a lie. To live exclusively for myself, I must make all things bend themselves to my will as if I were a god. But this is impossible. Is there any more cogent indication of my creaturehood than the insufficiency of my own will? For I cannot make the universe obey me. I cannot make other people conform to my own whims and fancies. I cannot make even my own body obey me.  When I give it pleasure, it deceives my expectation and makes me suffer pain. When I give myself what I conceive to be freedom, I deceive myself and find that I am the prisoner of my own blindness and selfishness and insufficiency."   Merton, Thomas, No Man is an Island (1955) (p. 24)

"I will not resist the impact of a new idea.  It may be just the one I've needed without being aware of it. I will make my mind more flexible and receptive to new points of view."  One Day at a Time (p. 200)

"... I can plant a seed in fertile soil, but I don't help the plant to grow by tugging at the seed in hope that it will sprout. I have to let the process unfold at its own pace."  Courage to Change (p. 200)

July 17th - Staying okay within healthy boundaries

The story...

Our dog buddy was old and sick.  We loved him.  We took him to the vet and they confirmed that his life was ending.  I held him while he breathed his last.  My eyes are watering as I recall those moments.  I wasn't okay - the reality of death stinks.  It shouldn't be that way, but it was.

If I can't be okay unless all those who I care about are okay then I'll never be okay.  Surely, its logical that the best way for me to be helpful for others is to come from a place of strength, peace, and "okayness."  

What does it take to be okay?  Maybe its being honest about my past, present, and future - more humble.  Maybe it takes working on meaningful relationships while allowing the other person(s) to be truthful and okay as they are.  "Okayness" that isn't based on reality seems fragile and temporary at best.

Funerals shine a big light on the reality of this game of life.  If your saving faith in God's provision for your today, and eternity, is weak then it takes a bit of pretending to be okay.  The only church in town will mourn at the death of one of their own yet the funeral will profess their reason for hope and "okayness."  Yes, I'm okay in Christ - God said so, I believe so, and I'll walk today in that reality.  It could've been different but it isn't.

Just for today...

"Because my fate - my very life - was no longer tied directly to theirs, I was able to accept them for who they were and to listen to their ideas and concerns without trying to exercise control."  Courage to Change (p. 199)

"Though I was attempting in good faith to arrive at an agreeable solution, I was repeatedly met with sarcasm.  After a time I said that if the sarcasm persisted, I would not participate any further . . . I gained respect from the other person when I matched my intentions with my actions."  Hope for Today (p. 199)

July 16th - EGO maintenance or replacement?

The story...

A Human Resources representative delivered a 360 degree performance evaluation to me and summarized the feedback that she received with one phrase: "It's all about you."  I appreciated the honest feedback yet it stung.  Sure I talk about me and what I'm interested in most.  Who else's ideas could I share?  Okay, I didn't know the names of my work-group's family members - why is that a problem?  I'm a story teller, who else's stories can I tell?  The feedback was valuable and I never forgot it.  It took effort and courage to develop and deliver that feedback to me - I'm extremely grateful that she succinctly delivered the feedback in a manner that I received it.  My self awareness grew much that day.

So, my ego is that part of my conscience mind which I consider myself.  It's who I'm referring to when I use the word "I."  Is it a worthy endeavor to better understand and value my ego?  When does self-awareness and development turn that nasty corner toward narcissism?   Am, I lovable as I am?  Can I love me without being consumed by self-love and falling into loneliness and despair?  What's a healthy level of self-esteem?

My favorite verse of the bible is a wish that the Apostle Paul sends to a congregation of people in Rome whom he'd never met.  I wish the same thing for me and for you too.  

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13 NASB

The "selves" who walk into the only church in town would find what they're looking for in a right relationship with God and His community.  There they may find that healthy ego that enables a person to live a more satisfying, joyful, peaceful, and fruitful life.  Hopefully they'll witness, meet, and walk with people who're trusting God.

Why is it so hard for a man to bend his knee and trust in God and His provision for the "good" life?  Why is faith in God and His Word soo... elusive for most people?  The self seems to rebel against this threat to it's supreme authority and preeminence.  It's almost like our old self is trying to save itself from being transformed from that caterpillar to the butterfly.

Just for today...

"Maturity is the capacity to withstand ego-destroying experiences, and not lose one's perspective in the ego-building experiences."  Robert K. Greenleaf

“Despair is the absolute extreme of self-love. It is reached when a person deliberately turns his back on all help from anyone else in order to taste the rotten luxury of knowing himself to be lost.”  Thomas Merton

July 15th - Honest or Complacent?

The story...

In general, most people, who know me, would characterize me as being an honest person; however, how I've worked out my "honesty" has changed throughout my life.  We all know that you don't share a poor opinion regarding the beauty of a mother's new baby.  When your spouse comes home with a radically different haircut, you don't question the sound logic of making the change or openly evaluate the "look" as being worse.  Yet, what do you say when the king's not wearing pants yet the whole community pretends to ignore the obvious truth?

Hans Christian Andersen, 1837

The opinions we form, value and defend might be part of this dilemma.  The need to think like the group to remain accepted or valued might be part of the problem.  The continual quest to be and think like the "best" might be part of the problem.  Working out our life as a sort of "random walk" might be part of the problem.  Staying complacent and sticking with, and self-justifying, our current way of behaving is likely part of the problem.

Maybe the solution contains a code of values, principles, or core tenets regarding how we live our life which don't change.  Yet, even if the code we live by is sound, how do we relate with others whose code is different, changing, or directly opposed to ours?  I expect that the answer will likely include demonstrating and expressing dignity and respect toward all humans no matter where they currently are within their life journey.  We'll all likely grow together as we express love towards each other, let our guards down some, and begin to better understand each other within closer relationships.

The only church in town will focus on the truth of God's revealed Word and extend grace to others as Christ has extended to those who trust in Him.  Honesty is an important part of every relationship.  Are you rightly related to God through Christ?

Just for today...

"Complacency simply means being sure we're right, taking it for granted that our view couldn't possibly be wrong. It means judging others by what we think is right. It blocks out understanding and kindness, and justifies qualities in ourselves that we wouldn't find tolerable in other people."  One Day at a Time (p. 197)

July 14th - Do ya really want to react like Quick Draw McGraw?

The story...

I'm standing between the elevators on the sixth floor of Knapp Hall, Murray House, in an angry confrontation with another college student.  There are about a dozen other fellow students watching this play out - it looked like it was about to come to blows.  Strangely, and in a mocking way, I say "I still love you ..."  I was shocked to see his resistance instantly melt with him apologizing for his side of the offense.  I stood there dumbfounded by what just occurred.

Oh... the things that offended me as a child, adolescent, adult and yesterday.  Sometimes I: reacted quickly, paused before reacting, let it stew, tried to ignore it, discredited the sender, imagined it never happened, continually resented, or even privately forgave. Was it possible to show empathy towards the sender?  Might I have ignored the initial sense of unfairness and sought to understand first?  Might this "fire hose" of emotions been a signal of an interpersonal problem that had to be addressed for the relationship to continue or grow?

"Now hold on there!" 1951 - 1962

Surely, there're relationships that can be detrimental to one or both parties and need to be diminished. Yet, even these "breakups" will likely best work out under the umbrella of respect.

The only church in town will be bathed in grace and forgiveness.  Each person makes a reasonable series of choices that leads them to the point of confrontation.  "What's love got to do with it?"  He forgives all sins in Christ and restores relationships with repentant sinners who walk humbly with Him.  There's no better place to be found than in Christ - "I'm with Him!"

Just for today...

"Making amends has helped me to put the past behind me and move on with a clear conscience.  My self-esteem has grown ever since, and I feel much better about myself."  Courage to Change (p. 196)

"Its not easy to restrain ourselves from reacting to what others do that seems to affect us.  A healthy detachment brings about the very changes we were powerless to make by continually fighting the problem."  One Day at a Time (p. 196)

July 13th - Living in the reality of the "present."

The story...

I remember feeling lonely in August long ago - the hopes and dreams of activities, growth, happiness, and good relationships didn't happen as I hoped.  Sadly, I remember thinking, "well, the summer is over for everybody else too" - it didn't make any difference whether my summer was good or bad.

Sunflower in August

If my current-self could sit down with my old-self, what would I share with him to give him a "jump start" on life?   How might I help him heal the wounds in my old-self's heart?  Sadly, I don't know what I'd say; yet, I believe that I'd express my sincere love for him.  How would he sense and know that love?

Was there a person, who I now know, who knew a better answer to the secrets of a good life?  Was there a book that I could've shared with him?  Might I've shared with him the good stuff that actually would occur in his life?  Should I've told him to invest all of his money into ownership shares of Microsoft so that he would be "all set?"

The good that's come to me was centered on living in the present with a right relationship with God in Christ.  It's good to love God, love myself as He does, and more naturally love other people too.  I imagine a good life kinda looking like that really big sunflower.  Hmm, maybe I'd take my old self to see a field of really big sunflowers and share the reality of my most precious relationship?

The only church in town would be a safe place for that younger version of me to be introduced to the love of God worked out through people with skin on them - those who're still in the world of the living.   A place where true joy and happiness can be found living in the present.

Just for today...

"How many days of my life have I wasted? . . . I rejected overtures of friendship from co-workers so that I could fret, uninterrupted about what was bothering me . . . When my worries and sorrows cloak me, the laughter and sunshine of the everyday world seem inappropriate to the way I feel.  Who is out of sync - the rest of the world or me? . . . Today I will live in the present and find what I can enjoy there."  Courage to Change (p. 195)

July 12th - Life relationships

The story...

The people I normally congregate with planned a different kind of event where we would spend a full Saturday together - all together on a big bus.  I invited two of my long-term friends to go with us - one said yes and the other said yes only because of the first friend's enthusiasm to go. 

Not the bus we went on yet it looks "fun."

It seemed that after about eight hours the initial anxieties and awkwardness of being in a group melted away and it also seemed that we felt a bit more rested and content together.   On the way home, the person who was reluctant to go sat across the table from me eating the largest Arby's roast beef.  They shared that the event was much better than they expected and they were glad that they came; but, he had one question.  I had introduced him to a person within the group whom I described as a best friend who I often shared ideas, questions, learnings, concerns, and spiritual life realities with.  So, what was his question?  "Have you ever shared bad stuff about me with him?"   

I paused as I reflected on the question.  I was surprised that I actually had no "bad stuff "that I knew about my friend.  And, I had no bad feelings or thoughts about any other person either.  At least at that moment, I truly did feel acceptance and respect for all people just as they were.   I was able to truthfully say to him: "Actually, I don't have bad thoughts about anybody and certainly not you.  No, I didn't share bad stuff about you."  He replied: "That's good."

Within the only church in town, people would find compassion for all, just the way they are.  They would learn about the reality of who they are in Christ.  They would be able to love God and themselves too.   That's a source of strength where we can truly have compassion for everybody.  Praise God in Christ - "grace, grace, wonderful grace."

Just for today...

"The more scared I was the more I tried to control.  Fear reared its ugly head particularly in my belief that I wasn't good enough or smart enough to have joyful, trusting and intimate relationships.  Instead of allowing myself to connect with others, I would often avoid them."  Hope for Today (p. 194)

"I can focus on myself and still be a loving, caring person . . . Encouraging and being kind to others is one way of being good to myself, and I don't have to sacrifice myself in the process . . . Today I will offer support for those I love and still take care of myself."  Courage to Change (p. 194)

"If you would be loved, love, and be loveable."  Benjamin Franklin