April 28th - Father Knows Best

The story...

There was a radio, later tv, show called Father Knows Best.  It was popular, a theme of goodness for the 40's and 50's culture.  I'm glad that I had a dad who was trustworthy, knowledgeable, and lived with a code that provided a structure and boundaries for my growth.  He was a good man yet he didn't really know best - he knew good.  I'm so thankful that he was my dad.  He was a human who was created in the image of God yet he was blessed and flawed like the rest of us.

I thought that my dad was the best dad.  And, I remember the first time that I heard two of his sisters complaining about him, describing him negatively, while I was standing outside the door.  This occurred during the reception following my grandfather's funeral - the family's world was being torn asunder before "re-norming."  I was shocked and immediately distrusted his two sisters.  Yet, the experience opened the door to the idea that my dad was flawed.  "Might his sisters be right?"  

We know that everybody has strengths and weaknesses yet pride and suffering can move people toward isolation.  A response to rejection might be to grab your toys and go home - to isolate and protect self. 

When a person's isolation turns into brokenness, where do they go?  Who do they call?  I hope that they'd call, be invited to, or be brought to the only church in town.  There, they'd find the value of community - a community of hope!  Hope in their Father who does know what's best for His creation. He is "That Than Which There is No Greater."

Just for today...

"Praying for my will to be done often led me to pain, trouble and confusion . . . God sees the whole picture."  Hope for Today (p. 119)

"I could bring myself to a brighter view of life if I weren't always feeling sorry for myself; despair is often a mask for self-pity."  One Day at a Time (p. 119)

April 24th - Judged and Rejected

The story...

In the early 1990s, a friend of mine shared an experiment that he tried - he was shocked at the results.  He was a big burly sort of guy who sang in his church choir.  He wore a magnetically attached earring on his left ear lobe one Sunday.  The behaviors and feelings that were overtly expressed by the group were strong and directed towards him.  He was rejected by the group without any words being shared.  I was fascinated by the story so I naively decided to give it a try myself.

I set up the scenario by bemoaning that I needed a change in my life for a few days.  Then I went to the mall with my young son and bought the magnetic earring.  I couldn't lie to my son so he was in on it.  When I walked into the door, the one who loves me most was shocked, doubted the reality, shocked again, doubted the reality again, and then finally, yet reluctantly, accepted this new change.  They were bruised when they realized it was fake and that I'd put them through the emotional anguish.

It was a different story with my siblings and parents.  I later regretted "trying" the same experiment on them.  My mother accepted it right away yet expressed worry about how other family members would react.  My brother curled up in a ball on the couch and rocked back and forth in disbelief.  I don't remember how my sisters reacted yet I think that they decided to wait it out.  My dad fully rejected me and indirectly shared a story about what happened to people like that in the Navy.  I was judged differently by different people.  Would I try an experiment like this again?  No, it wasn't fair to me or for them. I'd rather read about somebody else's experiment - it hurt all of us.

I'm hoping that the only church in town would welcome the whole community.  Oh, if those who were invited to enter the doors could feel the love of God expressed through those who are His...

Just for today...

"I must guard against judging others by my standards.  It means examining and improving those standards and living up to them myself."  One Day at a Time (p. 115)

February 27th - Rejection

The story...

A few years ago, I performed a personal inventory, an attempt of a searching moral inventory of me, and recorded my findings in a blue book.  The process was good for me mentally and also for those parts of me that are deep down inside - that stuff that's the essence of who I am. 

I periodically open my blue book to both reflect on what I learned and to make a few additions too. The big "aha" moment, from my personal inventory, was that I fear rejection and that fear works its way out in ways that I don't like.  I was surprised the first time that I considered the idea that "I feared rejection" - I was surprised it might be true.  Yet, I answered the inventory questions honestly and it did seem that this fear might be motivating me to behave in ways that I didn't want to.  So, I ordered a related book, Bouncing Back from Rejection, by Leslie Becker.  The book both confirmed this latent truth about me and taught me that I could reduce my sensitivity to rejection by bringing my awareness to it.

It feels good to be more honest with myself and less guarded too.  Strangely, it seems that just sharing this experience with others seems to help them to move towards a better way too - encouragement.  Yes, in the only church in town, we might best walk through life side by side rather than tending towards isolation.

Just for today...

"We can help one another find out the meaning of life . . . But in the last analysis, each is responsible for 'finding himself.'"   No Man Is an Island - Thomas Merton

Blueprint for Progress   ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0910034425