October 24th - Real, sustainable, change takes longer than expected

The story...

I spent more of my life obsessively thinking than I realized.  Was this self-defeating behavior intended for self-preservation?  Was it a defensive mechanism to prevent future pain?  Did I witness it modeled within my family?  Was it something that I developed myself?  Others, who were traveling on a similar path, helped me see the negative effects and the possibility of lasting change.  Sharing my successes and failures, with friends who cared, motivated and sustained me through the long change process.  Obsessive thoughts continue to "pop" into my head; but, now I recognize the ugly buggers for what they are; decide what's true about 'em; accept what's my part; and trust God for the rest.

My victory over chronic obsessive thinking is a good story for me; yet, that's not the point of this story.  This story's about how long it took to achieve and sustain this personal victory in reality.  Initially, I naively thought that mere knowledge of the subject would do it.  Then, I thought a few victories using coping methods would suffice.  Then, I thought that I made it when I could share the why's and how's with other people.  Then, I thought that a few months of many cycles of obsessive thinking recognition, tool application, and significant change was the victory that I was looking for.  It wasn't until my new way of thinking, behaving, and being were internalized that I achieved fundamental personal change.   This took over a year - at least 4X longer than I expected at the onset.

Working out life together within the only church in town will require patience. The community will offer grace and mercy during these long and bumpy life-change processes.  There are reasons why people are behaving in ways that they don't really want to - they often feel like victims.  The only church in town is a place to understand the "why," the "how," and to experience glimpses of the presence of God worked out through the lives of others.  Some changes seem to happen instantly yet most seem to take much time and likely suffering too.  It's hard to say goodbye to even those things that weren't really working for me - "goodbye!"

Just for today...

"I now view my problems as survival skills that served me well as I was growing up . . .  To cope with the blaming and criticism in my home, I became a perfectionist."  Hope for Today (p. 298)

"Like the birch tree, I can be wounded if I am prematurely stripped of my defenses. Most of us have spent a significant amount of time trying to cope with these wounds from the past rather than growing and changing . . . When I am ready, the changes will come easily."  Courage for Change (p. 298)

October 23rd - Quiet your mind to see more wholly?

The story...

It was a cool, fall, windy, and partly-cloudy day.  I was hiking in the woods thinking about a few subjects that were important.  Yet, I wasn't getting what I wanted out of the hike - I wanted to actually "walk out" the "good life" in reality.  Sure, I was earning exercise-points on my Apple watch, increasing my stamina, tearing down my muscles for rebuilding, tiring my body for getting the most out of my night's sleep, and maybe even coming to a few good decisions.  Yet, I wasn't getting what I wanted out of the hike, more of what I value - what I want out of life.

Same beach - different day - similar blessing

I was expecting to quiet my mind so that I might take in the abundance of reality that was going on around me.  As I began to descend the dunes toward the beach, my mind let go of it's grip and the world opened up to me.  The sun, wind, clouds, chill, heat, birds, waves, and sand were alive - I more fully took it all in.  Yes, I was more fully engaged in life.  A wave of fruit seemed to pour in and through my inner man - love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, and self-control.  I experienced a love for God, my fellow man, and me too - restored, strengthened, rested, at peace, full of hope...

The only church in town would be a place where you could lay down your concerns and rest in the reality of who God is and who he made us to be.  It's a great thing to be walking rightly with God in Christ - a fruitful life in the midst of life's ever-changing circumstances.

Just for today...

"Let us stand aside so the light can shine on us and on all we do, so we can see ourselves and our circumstances with true clarity . . . I must find the vantage point where I can most clearly see my difficulty as it is; then answers will come."  One Day at a Time (p. 297)

"I don't have to accept the unacceptable, nor do I have to argue back or convince another person that I'm innocent or right . . . I can listen without taking the words personally."  Courage to Change (p. 297)

"My parents used religion to keep me in line. I believed we went to the only true church . . . He doesn't live in a box. He lives in me and in those around me. He loves me, cares for me, and accepts me just as I am - a work of art in progress."  Hope for Today (p. 297)

October 22nd - Do you want them to "act" as the person you want them to be?

The story...

During my mid-life years, I went fishing to recreate.  Inevitably, I'd call my dad to tell him what happened.  I knew that he was interested in fishing, and he seemed to appreciate learning about my episodes too.  There was a sort of give-and-take in those conversations - we were both able  to "check in" with each other.

I lost most of my interest in fishing after my dad died.  Strangely, I seem to have gone fishing to reexperience good feelings from early years.  Maybe I wanted my dad to know that I was okay and that I appreciated him in a way that I could communicate.  

My dad was a good man.  Yet, he wasn't able to meet some of my significant needs.  I accepted this truth and loved him, thankfully, for who he was.

I do fish now for different reasons.  I no longer seek my dad's approval and I don't need to be fishing with another person to be fulfilled - I'm "okayer," thankful and more content.

The only church in town will be a place where you can meet a close friend, friends, community, and God within view of that bright Light that's God's revealed Word.  Why not honestly live out life within community as opposed to acting out on your own?  You're an important part of this epic story of life - why not live out your part?

Just for today...

"Expecting him to be a nurturing person was unrealistic . . . I adopted some of his character defects as my own . . . I needed to give myself what was not in his power to give - love, acceptance, wisdom, a safe childhood, and a healthy initiation into manhood."  Hope for Today (p. 296)

October 21st - Interfering to keep things as they ought to be?

The story...

Winning a competitive game, by a significant margin, doesn't fit who I am.  I'd prefer to play a close game with an exciting finish - each person finishing in a positive state or condition.  My preference might be something that I would want to share with others - should I?

Bill Shankly's quote for competitive games - not so good in real life?

When are parent's expected to stop interfering through unwanted advice given to their kids?  Should they first receive requests or permission from their teenagers?  Sure there're necessary safety and household rules; but, when do attempts to positively influence become destructive interference?

Why not offer the dignity and respect to work out their own lives?  We can still help each other by developing strong relationships that provide a safe space to walk side-by-side through life - helping and sharing as needed and requested.

The only church in town will be a place to meet and grow together.  Honest, humble, and respectful relationships built around the revealed Word of God.

Just for today...

"We brought many troubles on ourselves by interfering . . . Am I fearful, picturing with dread what the future will bring? I will let go and let God, and live only of this one day."  One Day at a Time (p. 295)

"I was taught that if I did what I was told without question, I would be safer and happier. In my family, obedience meant following a strict, straight line."  Hope for Today (p. 295)

October 20th - Acting in love in spite of fear

The story...

For about a year, I invested time with people living in an independent care facility - the workers, the residents, and visitors too - a person that I loved resided there.  Almost everything about that atmosphere is welcoming and my initial interactions were good; yet, I'm not sure if they'd truly want me to intervene within their lives - to love and be loved.

One day, I planned to leave my home at 10:45 AM to spend about 1.5 hours there.  It was just a plan so I wasn't sure that I'd follow through with it.  I expected that the force(s) that seemingly inhibited, or resisted, this seemingly "good" activity are fears that I'm unconscious of.  Here's a list of those fears that I was able to discern.  They're ranked according to my perceived likelihood that they'd deter my visit.  It's strange that these fears may hold me back from working out a doable, loving, activity that certainly fits within my "constitution."

• End-of-life situations experienced
• Perceived rejection
• Time invested that I could or should've spent elsewhere
• Periods of time when I don't know what to do - abiding
• Frequent thoughts of wanting to escape - get out of there
• Idea that I'm doing this to demonstrate that I'm a "good boy" - a "brag" story
• Strange interactions with people who've limited abilities to communicate
• Uncomfortable smells and sounds

There will be inertia to love and act out that love within the only church in-town.  They'd love and act out that love both within and outside their community.  There'll be a sort of supernatural sense of being or condition for those who are actively loving God, themselves and their neighbors too.  Infected with love?

Just for today...

"I've lost many, many hours waiting to solve a problem or be freed of a character defect. Today I am learning to make room in my life for the wonders that life has to offer."  Courage to Change (p. 294)

"Fear is a feeling, not an action. Courage is not the absence of fear. It's choosing to act with love in spite of fear."  Hope for Today (p. 294)

October 19th - Self Actualization - Is that what you truly want?

The story...

Yesterday, I participated in a meeting with fourteen other men - we were focused on topics that were important to us all.  Each of us were group leaders who would later facilitate similar discussions with our own groups. There were expectations that we engage in conversation to share and learn from each other and to further prepare for leading our own groups.  In the past, I felt a strong desire to share what was on my mind.  The noble motives for my sharing may have been: edifying others; redirecting conversation to what I thought was more important; identifying logical, practical or factual flaws; or to behave like a "good" group member.

Yesterday, I listened well and recorded helpful learnings and observations that might work into my own group's topical conversation.  I didn't speak up at all and felt peaceful and content within the full meeting.  I think that my self might've been quietly riding in the back seat and that the real me, and my faith in God, were up front driving the car.  I was content and thankful for my compadres.

My "self" seemed to be quietly riding in the back seat.  He likes to be: proud, accepted, admired; and the focus of attention - even at the expense of others.  The self I've been gifted with is a competitor who's working to expand what is his with hopes of being safe, secure, and admired by others - indispensable.  Self tends to live in an imaginary world where he's the main character - the most important one.  Kinda like a little "god."  Ugh...

Maslow's five hierarchy of needs suggests that each self's goal is to be "self actualized."  A world where everyone's a winner and there are no losers.  Human history seems to read as a long saga of pain and anguish fueled by selfish "selves" who war against each other trying to fulfill their grandiose sense of "self" - to be self actualized.  To place their community at a privileged level in accordance to their higher-order view of self.  Their self aims to be elevated to a higher level, a sort of "god' whereby the community is enriched and "self' is celebrated and greatly appreciated.  Maybe it's a sort of illusive love that we secretly crave?

Maslow's hierarchy of needs with an additional level?

The only church in town will preach what God has revealed about who He is and who we are as His creatures.  True freedom from the tyrannical ruler of "self" is offered.  Is your desire to transcend yourself to a sort of "god" valid or even reasonable?

Just for today...

"I need to distinguish between giving out of love and giving to please others in order to gain their attention or approval."   Hope for Today  (p. 293)

"Struggling and worrying didn't help me to solve my problem. Doing my part and trusting God with the rest did."   Courage to Change (p. 293)

"I will not allow my imagination to build small troubles into big ones. I will try to see each situation clearly, and give it only the value and attention it deserves."  One Day at a Time (p. 294)

October 18th - Can you choose to be content or is it a gift from God?

The story...

I don't remember feeling more content than I do today.  I'm loved and able to love others.  My physical needs are met.  There's nothing that I strongly desire that I believe would improve my condition.  Long-term hopes have been realized in unexpected good ways.  And, I don't seem to have expectations or opinions regarding other people that I desire to be fulfilled according to my will. 

Why do I find myself in a preferable condition?  I'm retired, physically able to go and do the majority of things that I need and want to do. I have reasons to believe that there are enough resources to fulfill my needs in these last phases of life. I'm growing with friends who walk side-by-side with me.  And, I have a working faith that trusts God and His promises.  Fruit seems to be born in the lives that surround me - I believe there's a spiritual source and cause.

One day my life will be otherwise.  I've witnessed many-to-most people, in similar "content" situations, who later experienced periods of suffering that either built up their lives and faith or eroded them into a shadow of their former selves.  Some even gave up with a sense that life just ain't fair.

The only church in town will be a place where people will experience hope, friendships, love, suffering, and the presence of God within it all.  It's a place where you can live out, and appreciate, each stage of life honestly.  It sure beats living in an imaginary world concocted to pretend that every thing is "groovy" when it ain't.  Why not find out about the good and lasting promises and presence of God?

Just for today...

"We may even think we have overcome resentment, self-righteousness and self-pity, but if they are still there inside us, they will in some mysterious way emanate from us and deny what we try to cover up by our play-acting."    Courage to Change (p. 292)

October 17th - Giving unrequested opinions is criticism

The story...

Today is another experimental day - I will to identify when, or if, I'm offering unrequested opinions.  I think that I've achieved a significant reduction in the amount of opinions that I actually have, with regard to what others should be or do, yet I my be overstating the change.  I drew an "O" on my left thumb to remind me of the experiment:  Am I giving unwanted opinions? 

I tried, I forgot, I told another person, I tried again, I forgot, I told another person, and I tried again.  The concentrated effort to remain focused on not offering unrequested opinions wasn't doable for me.  Yet, the good news is that my opinions are fewer, and fewer, and further in-between.  This less opinionated life seems to be part of a good life and has increased my engagement and enjoyment within community.

The only church in town will offer space for people to grow together, walking side-by-side, towards that "Celestial City" - walking humbly with God in the light of His Word.  The sanctification process is good, real, and seems to be best worked out with and through others.

Just for today...

Are you tuned in to, alert to, or searching for trouble?  Why?

Might you best change your perceptions of what actually occurred in the past?

Giving unrequested opinion is criticism.

October 16th - Am I worthy of being treated with love and tenderness?

The story...

A friend of mind mocked what I was doing one day - they alluded to my way of living as kind of trivial or unimportant.  I guess they may have been: comparing their life to mine, wanting something more from me, or maybe it was just a habit of putting me in my place so that they might feel "okayer."  I needed friendship-love and I got chisels and sandpaper - biting, rough, dusty, and uncomfortable.

What do I do about it?  Do I let them know how I felt when they behaved that way?  Do I give them the same type of treatment in kind?  Do I set up new boundaries to prevent future corrosion and hurt?  Or, do I treat me with the love, respect and tenderness that I don't receive from other people?   Actually, be okay in the light of day with who I truly am?

I hope that everybody attending the only church in town will feel okay and loved within the Body of Christ.  Why?  Because we're okay when we trust what the Son of God did on our behalf rather than our own self-willed attempts at being good and accepted by others.  Yes, our creator has shined the Light of truth into our world when He walked this earth about 2,000 years ago - It didn't end there, He's risen from the dead and seated at the right-hand of God making intercession for those who trust in Him and His GREAT work.  He says that belief/trust/faith in the atoning work of the Lamb of God are positioned with Him - man, that's good news.

Just for today...

"When I treat myself with love and tenderness, I am better able to deal with the challenges that life presents. I have a chance to feel good, even surrounded by crisis."  Courage to Change (p. 290)

October 15th - Why are loving relationships so elusive and hard to maintain?

The story...

A female friend shared an intimate truth with me that betrayed the trust of one of her close friends.  They must have shared their impropriety with their friend because thereafter they avoided me - I assume they both experienced embarrassment.  I actually shared the issue with a pastor to better understand how he'd successfully dealt with situations like this - my plan was to follow his lead to resolve the relationship breakdown.  Due to the intricacies of the problem, we didn't come up with a good way to resolve it and the relationship breakdown remained for about two months.  Yesterday, I saw them at church standing together, I took a risk and gave the one who shared the story a side hug and hung on.  The embarrassment seemed to melt away immediately and the situation was resolved between the three of us with much relief and smiles - I expect that we all were freed up from a sort of dark cloud that affected us all.

The only church in town would read, in the book of Genesis, the story of all people being cursed with a sin nature - selfish people emotionally and physically hurting each other.  People moving toward isolation as opposed to working together and demonstrating the kinds of love that we secretly crave. This sin nature resists both the giving and receiving of love.  More importantly, unresolved sin creates a barrier between God and us leaving us, relationally, on our own trying to work our life out the best we know how.

That same church would preach the good news of how God resolved our relationship barrier through the death, burial, and resurrection of our Lord Jesus the Christ - He paid the death penalty for our sin.  His resurrection proves both who He is and that we can expect resurrection too.  Through faith in the great work of Christ, our sin issue is resolved and we can walk through life humbly and and honestly with God in Christ.  Man, that's good news!

Just for today...

"It seemed as though I was ricocheting off two walls, one marked 'inactive' and the other marked 'reactive.'  . . .  Impulsiveness can be as much a trap as immobility."  Hope for Today (p. 289)

"I think of forgiveness as a scissors, I use it to cut the stings of resentment that bind me to a problem or a past hurt . . . By letting go, I detach and forgive. When my thoughts are full of bitterness, fear, self-pity, and dreams of revenge, there is little room for love or for the quiet voice of guidance within me."  Courage to Change (p; 289)

October 14th - Feelings - Stuff 'em up or look at 'em in the light?

The story...

Oh I wish I'd have acknowledged my strong feelings, paused, and decided how to best respond to that situation - the way I reacted was true to my feelings but clearly the wrong thing to do.  In other situations, I wish I'd have been attentive to my feelings and recognized that they wanted to share yet couldn't find the courage to speak what wasn't said - I often recognize that there was an unspoken message ten minutes to a few hours later.  "What was I thinking?"  I expect that I was thinking about me and my interests - "It's all about you."

Does the Spirit of God stir up our feelings and provoke our mind towards His will?  When we're right with God, I expect that there's a flow of His goodness that's channeled through our life like a calm river that flows, smooth, and deep.

The Saint Lawrence Seaway

The Saint Lawrence Seaway is a series of locks, canals, and channels that allows ships to float from the Atlantic to as far as Duluth, MN.  In 1959, A hydropower project, a series of electricity producing dams, increased the depth to enable big ships to navigate the route.   The "river" is up to 250' feet deep in some places.  The project required cooperation between Canada and the United States.  It runs deep and generates power.

Might the only church in town be a bit like the Saint Limerence Seaway?   Deep flowing waters generating power - humans cooperating to channel and work out the power of God?

Just for today...

"We soon discover that our willingness to help others has an immediate and beneficent reaction on us . . . The giver is only a channel for the gifts he has received from God. He cannot hoard or withhold them without blocking the channel."  One Day at a Time (p. 288)

"Much of what I find wrong in my life is related to my opinions - that is, my prejudices, assumptions, self-righteousness stances, and attitudes . . . Reality proves me wrong. I also revert to the idea that ignoring my feelings is practical, even desirable . . . It is no easy task to change the thinking of a lifetime, even when I am sure that I want to change."  Courage to Change (p. 288)

October 13th - Being who you are or who they want you to be?

The story...

There's a guy I know that's experiencing health changes that allows him to be both less inhibited and also less likely to behave as he's expected.  I look forward to meeting him and the community interaction seems much more interesting, vibrant and refreshing, with him - you just don't know what he'll say next.  He's spontaneous and seems to speak from his heart without first passing his thoughts through some filters that he may've refined throughout years of adapting to group codes of acceptable behavior.

People are so much fun when they're more themselves rather than the role the group's assigned to them.  They're certainly better than when they attempt to "act" like the idealized role of who the "best" would be.  This is an argument for casual rather than formal dress within community; yet, there are times when we all do need to agree to be a better version of ourselves for the good of us all.  Formal dress does suggest the group's desire to act and behave according to a standard that might be more desirable and honorable.  "If everybody would just _____ everything would be fine - just like it use to be."

The only church in town would teach about the Body of Christ and the expected uniqueness of each of the members.  Like a body, there are mouths, ears, little-toes, knees, hair follicles, and eyes - each uniquely equipped to serve its role.  The body will not function well without each behaving "just as they are" as opposed to all trying to be like the mouth (1 Cor. 12:12-27).  They'd frequently remind each other of this mystical union that's facilitated and empowered by the Spirit of God - God working out His will amongst and through community.

Just for today...

"Did this behavior get me what I wanted or encourage me to feel good about myself?  When I took a good look, I realized that the answer to the question was 'No.'  Loud, angry words and actions demonstrated my frustration and pushed away all hope for peaceful solutions to my problems . . . Easy does it."  Courage to Change (p. 287)

October 12th - It was for freedom...

The story...

I resented the implication that the problem with the situation seemed to be centered around me.  My actions seemed just and righteous to me - I intended to "help" solve the problem.  They seemed to be wrongly complacent by following down a path that "might" lead them to a place where "I" didn't think that "they" wanted to go.  They clearly weren't capable of living their own lives well - I wonder why?

It's easy to recognize the faults of my family members yet those faults are often true about me too.  We share the same gene pool, grew up in a similar environment, and learned from each other along the way.  Why couldn't I focus on being okay with the person that I was, and wanted to be, and allow them the same freedom too?  I expect that we were co-dependent on each other.  Maybe we misunderstood the life coping skill of co-dependency as love?

It was for freedom that Christ set us free (Galatians 5:1).  The only church in town would proclaim the freedom we can have from the tyrannical ruler "self."   They'll also share scripture's path of walking humbly with God, side-by-side with other sojourners, towards their eternal destiny.

Just for today...

"I had to unlearn a lot of romantic nonsense in order to find a satisfying  life in the here-and-now . . .  My security cannot be based on learning 'the rules,' because once I learn them they change. With God's help, I will find some security in being exactly where I am today."  Courage to Change (p. 286)

"Sometimes what I perceive as a threat is something I've conjured up in my own mind . . . I've learned to distinguish between real and imagined threats. I've learned to recognize and respect others' boundaries. I'm also able to discern when it's wiser for me to remain open to someone I love and trust even when I want to close up out of fear."  Hope for Today (p. 286)

October 11th - Knowing where to go and how to get there

The story...

The three quotes below, Just for today..., are pearls of  personal wisdom that were shared from three people who lived them out in reality.  I've benefited much from others like them - you have the opportunity to do likewise.  Most of my knowledge, and wisdom too, seems to have come from others rather than garnered from my own experiences, thoughts, imagination, and ideas.

My favorite definition for wisdom is: "knowing where to go and how to get there."  I must've first heard this definition in my 30's and I've retained it into my 60's - It's sufficed.  It feels like my own yet I heard it from another.  I heard the definition of God as "That than which their is no greater" - It's sufficed.  My framework, world view, or model of truth has been developed over a lifetime.  Yet, sometimes reality, and others, will speak truth that'll "rock my boat" and help me to more honestly and rightly view history, life, and the future.  This's happened often while walking side-by-side through life with my close friends and through reflection on the truth that God has revealed through His recorded Word.

Amen means truly.  People within the only church in town will often say "amen" when they hear the proclamation of what's true.  It's a good thing to freely walk in the reality of the love of God in Christ.

 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free" (Galatians 5:1)

Just for today...

"...years of isolating myself had left me with scars that couldn't heal overnight. I suffered from low self-esteem, impaired social skills, and lack of self knowledge, to name a few."  Hope for Today (p. 285)

"Each of us has the right and the obligation to make our own decisions. It is character-destroying to usurp that right."   One Day at a Time (p. 285)

"But sometimes my thirst for knowledge can be an attempt to exercise power where I am powerless."  Courage to Change (p. 285)

October 10th - Decide what's your part - trust God with the rest

The story...

An issue jumps into my conscious mind from who knows where - nudging me to ponder it before stuffing it back into a corner in hope that it'll be forgotten.  It's kind of like how I use my ping-pong table in my basement.  A staging area for stuff that I'm currently working on or haven/t yet decided if and where to store.  Some might best be dispositioned to a charity for people who actually need them.  Others may be restored and placed where they can be found when needed.  The clutter "takes its toll."

Some of the issues that I don't trust God with become worries that only cause me and others strife.  I'm capable of ruminating and imagining these worries into possible realities that'll never see the light of day.  If I worry, I suffer some of the consequences that may never come into fruition.  Worse yet, my efforts to fix, manage, and control situations are often doomed due to my limited capabilities, resources, and understanding of what might be.  

The only church in town will work out their lives together walking with God, believing His revealed Word, and trusting Him with the results.  Yet, church activities might look even messier than my ping-pong table.  But, they'll allow for the bright light of God's revealed truth on that messy table.  They'll decide what stays in play, what's rebuilt or improved, what gets put away, what's given away, what's repurposed, and what's discarded.

What's on your ping-pong-table?

Just for today...

"Without faith in a power greater than myself, I am like a storm-tossed ship without a rudder. I am flung from one trouble to another; however bravely I may battle the elements, my own strength and wisdom are not enough."  One Day at a Time (p. 284)

"...when I'm feeling insane, I'm forgetting my powerlessness and trying to control outcomes or other people . . . I try to get my own way."  Hope for Today (p. 284)

"I can't make life unfold according to my plans, I can admit my powerlessness and turn to God for help."  Courage to Change (p. 284)

October 9th - Do your part and trust God with the rest

The story...

I received an e-mail that encouraged me to better participate in this years group meetings by coming to the weekly meeting less preoccupied with other thoughts and cares.  They suggested the following method to better prepare for group activities:

"Get out a piece of paper and write down everything on your mind. Write down anxieties, distractions, expectations of the evening, plans for tomorrow, and anything else consuming your thoughts. Getting our mind-clutter out and onto the page frees us to focus on one another."

Since I was planning on attending a meeting that evening, I intentionally identified the things that were weighing on my mind so that I might more freely focus on others, receive their messages, reflect more deeply, and to be more sensitive to the Spirit of God too.  Instead of writing each one down, I went out to my drive way and shot baskets.  

First, I identified what was true about the situation.  Second, I acknowledged my part.  Third, voiced my responsibility.  Fourth, decided what related actions I'd take.   And finally, trusted God to work out the rest in the truly best way according to His will.  The whole process seemed right, fruitful, and a good lifelong habit.  As you might expect, I participated in the meeting in a more attentive, balanced, and supportive way - more engaged.

The only church in town will focus on the reality of God's will and presence in creation, history, the "now," our lives, and the future too.  If God wills something to be done then it'll be done.  Yet, if He is going to work His will out through us, we must be obedient and aligned with Him and His will.  That's where I want to be.

Just for today...

"I use my intellect instead of my emotions before responding. I detach from the person or situation until I can calm down and think rationally."   Hope for Today (p. 283)

"I'm willing to stop fighting reality, to stop trying to do God's part, and to do my own . . . I am free to live my own life, safe in the knowledge that God is taking care of the world, my loved ones, and myself."  Courage to Change (p. 286)

"...confuse not the business of others with your own."  One Day at a Time (p. 283)

October 8th - A limited vantage point

The story.,,

My best friend and I were sitting behind home plate at our son's baseball game.  The female umpire was making some questionable calls - I made a few critiques to my friend that I hope the umpire didn't hear.  Then the big slide occurred at home plate.  Coaches from both teams thought they had the better vantage point and argued for their positions.  People were either right or wrong and nobody wanted to be wrong.  The umpire cried...

I knew both of the coaches and was surprised to hear how differently they perceived the same situation.  It was like we saw different events at home plate - our conclusions were different too.  

Later, the baseball organization held a meeting to review the altercation(s).  I assume that witnesses told them what they perceived to have happened - maybe the umpire and coaches were provided an opportunity to tell "their side of the story."  They decided that my son's coach was no longer allowed to coach in the league - he made the umpire cry.

Do we have a comprehensive view or vantage over any situation that we participate in or witness?  Our perspectives are based on how we view life, our past experiences, our bias, our personality, our perspectives, our feelings, the power of God worked out,  the need to agree with or please other people . . . the list is endless.

The only church in town will study and trust the book where God's perspective of us and history is revealed.  God's Word says that there is a spiritual reality in life's situations.  King David described what he perceived to be God's work in delivering him from his enemies in Psalm 18 - David was writing about the most important reality that was unobserved by most of the scene's participants.  David paints a picture, in song, of what was actually going on.  Yes, I hope you'll find out more of what is "really going on" within the only church in town.

Just for today...

"I see that miracles frequently touch my life. Maybe they always have, but I didn't see them."  Courage to Change (p. 282)

"We may magnify disagreements about money for instance; we expand minor slights into huge grievances. Without realizing it, we're looking for trouble and are ready to fasten on little things that we could easily pass over if we really wanted our own peace of mind."  One Day at a Time (p. 282)

October 7th - Engage in life an be

The story...

The movie Top Gun asked the lead character "Maverick" to engage in life for the benefit of himself, his team, the Navy, and for his country too.  The circumstances of life were changing around him as he lost his best friend and co-pilot who trusted him.  He even rejected the woman who risked loving him the best she could.

He even says "Jesus Christ," albeit flippantly, in dismay as he faces the enemy, failures, and community rejection.  He reengages, drops his stinking thinking, and defeats the enemy using his God-given talents.  He becomes the man he could be - victory won.

Movie - Top Gun - "Engage Maverick!"

There'll be many reasons to disengage from the imperfect only church in town.  Stay engaged!  If self is relentlessly holding you back from loving yourself, loving other people, and loving the Lord your God with all your heart mind and soul then act on the gospel - the good news.  Engage in the life you were Willed to live already.

Just for today...

"The invitation to live life fully is offered to me each day. I can accept the pace of change today, knowing it will bring both times of active involvement and periods of quiet waiting. I will let surprises of the day open up before me."  Courage to Change (p. 281)

October 6th - Life gets better or worse - traveling together in the Light?

The story...

Sometimes, the group member who wants their idea of the "best" can restrain a group from moving forward towards real growth.  Yes, I was that idealist that often critiqued the motives and adequacy of significant change proposals - wanting the very best, knowing that change was necessary; yet, putting on the brakes while trying to persuade others to see, know and feel as I did.  I expect that my input  to the group was needed yet my insistence on my "higher ways" blocked my ears, mind and heart.  I wish that I'd sought to understand different viewpoints, ideas, and perspectives before attempting to "sell" my ideal version of "the" best way forward - the "right" way to go.

A friend of mine, Henry Hudson, claimed to read Pilgrim's Progress every year.  I'm about to finish the book once again - each time it's more meaningful as I imagine the reality that this allegory paints.  Oh... that I might rely on and more fully trust God as I turn each corner.

The only church in town will know that we're all on a journey.  It's a mistake to camp too long in one place along the way.  As the story of "life" progresses, God prunes those who are His so that they produce, and enjoy, more fruit together.  That kind of fruit is shared and witnesses to their source.  Fruit born and enjoyed, shines His Light into the dark crannies of our lives - things do look differently in the Light.

Just for today...

"Opportunities for spiritual growth, as well as new character defects, pop up like weeds in a newly-mown lawn . . . My problem was my spiritual pride and arrogance, not my situation. The need to be right was robbing me of my serenity in all kinds of situations."   Courage to Change (p. 280)

October 5th - Do Eeyores have to be Eeyores?

The story...

We've seen people isolate themselves after extended periods of rejection - not receiving the love they needed - they seem to've given up.  They may appear as an Eeyore or not appear at all.

Maybe they looked for love in all the wrong places.  Or, maybe they expected that all their love needs should've been met by their parents or that illusive life-long partner.

Looking for love in all the wrong places.

I hope that the only church in town will be the community where they engage in life - experiencing the giving and receiving of love.  What will be that source of strength and love?   They'll have the book that offers really "good news."  They might just learn about, and hopefully experience, "The" source within the only church in town.  "Ain't that good news . . . man ain't that news."

Just for today...

"I did choose to give my younger brother things I wanted myself in order to win his love. I did decide to shut off my feelings from my family . . . I had to look at why I chose to become involved with unavailable people . . . My choices reflect my opinion of a relationship with myself."  Hope for Today (p. 278)

"I have a choice about where to focus my my attention. I'm challenged to find positive qualities in myself, my circumstances, and other human beings . . . It may be difficult to break a long-established pattern of depression, doom-sayings, and complaining, but it's worth the effort."  Courage to Change (p. 278)

October 4th - Are "we" better than "me?"

The story...

I walked into the T-Group at a NTL Human Interaction Laboratory in Bethel, Maine.  My V.P. of H.R. recommended that I attend this week-long experience that he personally found transformational.  This was the first session and nobody was talking - we were all just sitting there.  I guessed who the leader(s) were yet they said nothing.  A few people were so uncomfortable with the silence that they spoke up, asked questions, and even tried to start their own meeting activity - the group shut each of these people down in order - the agitation, uncomfortableness, and negative group dynamic grew.  It got better and better as the week progressed - for everybody.

The week was transformational for me - I left more accepting of me and more thankful for the group.  We learned, experienced, and worked out being a more fully-functioning human being within community - experiencing the value of working and living together.  Yes, I was a better person having experienced this Human Interaction Laboratory - I learned and grew with and through other people.

1990's training binder on group dynamics

Even after all of the courses, experiences, successes and failures, I still find group dynamics challenging, rewarding, and discouraging too.  Yet, friendship, working out life together, and community are worthy and seem to be a most important part of our life experience.

"We" may not be more capable in some things than "me," yet together "we" are more complete and more capable, and maybe more fulfilled.  Yet, the fear of group rejection, not fitting in, still looms in the background.  What if they ... The risk of group rejection reminds me of the following scene where Forest Gump defends Jenny during a Black Panther meeting - not fitting in.

Forest Gump's fight ruins the Black Panther party?

The only church in town will grow people, friendships, groups and community within the Light of God's truth about who He, they, we, and I am.  It'll be a great place to live, grow, and be - working out life together where really good news is heard and shared.  A place where people learn to love, be loved and suffer together too - just as we were created to be?

Just for today...

"The change in me will be reflected in every person whose life touches mine."  One Day at a Time (p. 278)

"I've learned to live with, put up with, and tolerate many things. I wanted to change but was afraid to try for fear of the unknown . . . I finally tore the wallpaper down."  Hope for Today (p. 278)

"I realized that it was my own fear and shame, and not the embarrassing details of my problems, that kept me at a distance."  Courage to Change (p. 278)

October 3rd - Self awareness and feelings

The story...

"Why did I do that? . . . Why do I make so many mistakes? . . . Why didn't I do that good thing? . . . Why am I not motivated to take action? . . . Why did they reject me? . . . Why didn't I complete my assignment? . . . Why didn't I speak up? . . . Why didn't I keep my mouth shut and listen? . . . Why can't I be like them?"   

Self awareness is a good thing - some say it's what makes us human.  Thinking about thinking allows us to grow, adapt, improve and even survive.  Yet, wrong self thinking can lead us into self-defeating spirals that take us down rat holes where precious life can be wasted.

WSJ 09/09/23 (p. C1)

Similarly, we can dwell on our feeling in unproductive ways.  Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey did a good job in their article, "The Power to Decide How You Feel," of describing how we might: be more aware of our thoughts and feelings, decide what's true about them, take action when needed, and then disposition them for what they really are -  "...understanding that emotions are signals to your conscious brain that something is going on that requires your attention and action."  Feelings can be a wonderful sensing mechanism that our self-aware mind can use to further understand reality to better both act and be.  "I am not this anger. It will not manage me or make my decisions for me."

The only church in town will shine the Light of God on what's truly valuable and lasting - stuff we can't hold in our hands. 

Just for today...

"I will spend more time with myself in this lifetime than with anyone else. Let me learn to be the kind of person I would like to have as a friend."  Courage to Change (p. 277)

"I tried to manipulate and control everybody in my life to change the shape of their personalities to suit mine. I even attended workshops so I could make changes happen . . . Instead of spending time with people and situations where I don't fit, I can look for ones that I do."  Hope for Today (p. 277)

"Chronic stress often leads to maladaptive coping mechanisms in modern life. These include the misuse of drugs and alcohol, rumination on the sources of stress, self-harm, and self-blaming. These responses don't just fail to provide long-term relief they can further compound your problems through addiction, depression, and increased anxiety. What these coping techniques do is try to change the outside world - at least as you perceive it."  Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey, "The Power to Decide How You Feel" Wall Street Journal, 9/09-10/23 (p. C1).

October 2nd - Does your constitution justify your "just doing it?"

The story...

The USA Supreme Court protects and interprets our constitution.  Who protects my constitution?  I guess it's me.  Should I just do it, think about it, or write in on my to-do list?  Some things must be planned yet some things are acted on as a matter of habit or principle.  Within my constitution, can I, or should I, just do it?  I understand my constitution to be principles, or precedents, for how I manage my life - how I make decisions and act on them in accordance with who I am.  Take a look at my bookmark I crafted and laminated in the 1990s - it speaks to being versus doing.  

This purpose statement is helpful yet it doesn't seem to be a constitution for how I might make daily decisions.   The following are a few ideas about the choices that I expect to make today, on my birthday, and record the principle(s) that seems to actually be driving them.  Might this be a reasonable way to write my constitution as opposed to a lofty set of ideas that I'd like to be true about me?

Make and drink coffee - Live in a supportive and comfortable environment - self-care.

Put on an old blue button-down-collar shirt - Love in storge sort of way - self-care - self-respect.

Bring my momma a donut at her new independent living place - Be kind to family and community.

Enjoy lunch with a best friend - Share and grow with good friends.

Close Exercise ring on my Apple Watch - Work toward goals - self-care.

Write in my blog - Better understand "what's going on" and share too.

Tweak my investment choices - Plan and prepare for the future.

Prepare for 1st BSF group meeting - Learn and grow with other men.

Pray and meditate - Work out my relationship with God in Christ.

Answer birthday wish visits and phone calls - Build kind, growing, and loving relationships.

Greet people on the bike path - Love and receive love.

Afternoon nap - Be kind to me.

Eat meals - Care for me and be happy.

Organize basement - Simplify for me and others too.

The only church in town will likely have a written purpose statement and constitution.  I hope that each member of this "called out group of people" would have their own constitution too and that the two would flow congruently.

Just for today...

"I felt afraid of doing the job incorrectly and being criticized, but I accepted it anyway. My fears were quelled because criticism never came . . . 'I can, I can, I can! And I do.'"  Hope for Today (p. 276)

October 1st - Do I know what I want or need?

The story...

"Oooooh  If she knew what she wants

(He'd be giving it to her)  If she knew what she needs

(He could give her that too)  If she knew what she wants

(But he can't see through her)  If she knew what she wants

He'd be giving it to her  Giving it to her

But she wants everything  (He can pretend to give her everything)

Or there's nothing she wants  (She don't want to sort it out)

He's crazy for this girl  (But she don't know what she's looking for)

If she knew what she wants  He'd be giving it to her

Giving it to her  I'd say her values are corrupted

But she's open to change  Then one day she's satisfied

And the next I'll find her crying  And it's nothing she can explain

If she knew what she wants  (He'd be giving it to her)

If she knew what she needs  (He could give her that too)

If she knew what she wants  (But he can't see through her)

If she knew what she wants  He'd be giving it to her

Giving it to her (giving it to her)  Some have a style

That they work hard to refine  So they walk a crooked line

But she won't understand  Why anyone would have to try

To walk a line when they could fly  No sense thinking I could rehabilitate her

When she's fine, fine, fine  She's got so many ideas traveling around in her head

She doesn't need nothing from mine  If she knew what she wants

(He'd be giving it to her)  If she knew what she needs

(He could give her that too)  If she knew what she wants

(But he can't see through her)  If she knew what she wants

He'd be giving it to her  Giving it to her

But she wants everything  (He can pretend to give her everything)

Or there's nothing she wants  (She don't want to sort it out)

He's crazy for this girl  (But she don't know what she's looking for)

If she knew what she wants  He'd be giving it to her

Giving it to her  (He'd be giving it to her)

(He could give her that too)  (But he can't see through her)

Ooooooh  Giving it to her  Giving it to her now."

Susanna Hoffs and the Bangles: "If she knew what she wants."

We'll find people within the only church in town who're trusting God to meet essential needs.  Yes, we might trust God and bear real fruit - the kind of stuff we need.  Now, I desire His Will and want to be okay in Christ - praise God.

Just for today...

"When we bring things out into the light, they lose their power over us."  Courage to Change (p. 275)

"Few of us know what we really want, and none of us knows what is best for us. That knowledge remains, in spite of all our determined resistance, in the hands of God."  Hope for Today (p. 275)

"... when we are strong we are always much greater than the things that happen to us, and the soul of a man who has found himself is like a deep sea in which there may be many fish: but they never come up out of the sea, and not one of them is big enough to trouble its placid surface. His "being" is far greater than anything he feels or does."   Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island (p. 125)