December 18th - W.A.I.T.: Why Am I Still Talking?

The story...

When I was young, I was more awkward and felt a tad outside the groups that I longed to be accepted by.  I learned to find acceptance by being interesting, funny, and engaging in group situations - the "story teller."  The persona I worked out seemed to help me be accepted - to feel okayer.  My "style" of being might've been less problematic if I'd learned to listen to and respect others too - wanting the same for others as I wanted for myself. 

George Costanza leaves on a high note.

I was often talking when I should've been listening, understanding, and growing.  Where did I miss the lesson that it's better to first understand than to be understood (Steven Covey)?  Did I talk to much in an effort to be respected and accepted?  The acronym W.A.I.T. would've been helpful for me in conversation: Why Am I Talking?

When the word of God is read in the only church in town, might we listen rather than seek to find ways to invalidate "The Message" or to bend it to fit our imagined reality?  The message will likely conflict with our self concepts of how the world works best for us.  Many of us construct, an operate within, an elaborate "house of cards," virtually erected, through our imagination and mental gyrations - reality is a better place to actually live.

Just for today...

"I will not yield to my compulsion to go on talking after I have made my point - and what I say will have a direct relevance to the subject of the meeting."  One Day at a Time (p. 353)

"Walls are disappearing, and love and community are growing and expanding."  Hope for Today (p. 353)

"What's next; Too silent - Had ta say; Tension eased."
"Me focused; What's the cost? - Felt better; Learnings lost."   Am I a Poet?

December 17th - Being honest - our truer selves

The story...

I was one of the youngest kids in my first-grade class and I grew, in stature, a little slower than most kids.  I hoped to be tall, like both of my parent's younger brothers; yet, it seemed like tall wasn't going to happen for me.  Unexpectedly, I grew to over six-foot during high school and throughout my freshman year of college too.  My physical height seemed to effect my identity.  Shorter people let me know that I was lucky to be respected "merely" for my exceptional height.

Everybody loves Raymond - Robby

My physical height shrunk along with my flattening spinal discs.  I might grow in height if my surgeon fuses more discs together by fusing my spine with metal rods like they did L4/L5 on December 3rd, 2009.  If they do, I'll be a bit taller; yet, I'm not so naive to think that my identity will change.  I've better learned who I am and I'm okayer with me and my defects too.

Our true selves are likely the ones that we'll work out throughout all eternity as opposed to the changing self who adapts to current needs, capabilities, situations, environments, rule sets, groups, and the opinions of others.  I'm so thankful that the Word of God reveals that I'm "far" better off aligned and positioned with "That Than Which There Is No Greater." 

The only church in town will share news of our true identity for this life and for all eternity too.  Yes, our true identity can be found in the Son of God, our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ. They'll read the scriptures and trust in the unseen realities that can be worked out in both this life and the eternal one to come - the "real" good life.

Just for today...

"I can risk being my true self with family members and allow family members to risk being themselves with me."  Hope for Today (p. 352)

"Resentments mark the place where I see myself as a victim . . . I will love myself enough to release myself from the closet in which resentments keep me locked."  Courage to Change (p. 352)

"Ain't the same; Me and you - Each adds; Livin true."   Am I a Poet?

December 16th - Understanding together from Him

The story...

Advanced mathematics was available to me throughout my education.  However, much of my time "doing math" was spent attempting to receive good grades rather than working to understand mathematical proofs based on fundamental axioms.  The better way was to: follow my teacher's guidance towards understanding the why(s); working more examples than I wanted to; and applying this structured way of thinking to real-life applications.  This mathematical structured thinking became an integral part of my mind.

As a graduate teacher, I encountered varying degrees of understanding regarding the application of mathematical equations, principles and practices.  Some of my students were from other countries where they learned to solve math problems using different methods - I had a difficult time verifying their work.  So, I required them to show their work according to methods that I, the teacher, understood.  I directed them to Kahn- Academy for examples that we could mutually understand. 

In or about 2012, I committed to completing all of the math courses on Kahn Academy from addition through differential equations.  I scheduled one-to-two hours per day over the course of three or four months.  I was surprised at how I more easily understood and integrated the various subjects that took me 16 years to initially learn.

The only church in town will be a place of instruction, understanding, practice, and the application of good-to-great life principles and truth.  There will be math guys, like me, and non-math folks, like most of us, who'll enjoy growing together.  Community is much more capable than any one member.

Just for today...

"I don't have to understand everything . . . feel threatened by the future . . . feel guilty about the past . . . feel alone . . . take responsibility for other people's choices . . . give up my hope and dreams."  Courage to Change (p. 351)

"What coping behaviors do I use to soothe my pain? Are they really helping me?"  Hope for Today (p. 351)

"They need you; We've got power - Loved and loving; We're in Christ."   Am I a Poet?

December 15th - Growing together

The story...

I went through a period of brokenness - the situation overwhelmed me.  I needed help.  I was withdrawing and isolating from the problem(s).  Thankfully, a caring friend suggested that I meet with a group of people who are dealing with similar life battles.  They'd helped both him and others he knew.  I went, I felt understood, the environment was comfortable, and I grew to become a better man alongside others.  I actually received love and gave love too.

Even though the people within the group come and go as their needs change - I truly love them and feel loved by them too.  I wish other groups were like that.  Strangely, as I grew towards being a more fully-functioning human, all of the groups that I'm a part of seemed to improve too.  Yes, we rub off on each other and perceive situations differently as WE grow.

The only church in town will have groups and friends who you can grow and walk through life with.  Yes, you can come closer to whom you were created to be.  Yet, most importantly, you can become right with your Creator and begin to walk rightly with Him - that's the relationship that lasts.

I hope that you enjoy todays "Just for today..."  readings.  They're but a sample of those that helped me both during my time of need and today too.  I'm thankful for each of these writers who've shared a chunk of their reality and victory.

Just for today...

"How could I turn my will and my life over to the care of God? . . . It felt so scary to think that I was out of control . . . I wondered what absolute surrender would feel like, and how I would know if I was doing it? . . . He said that turning our will over is like dancing with a partner. If both try to lead, there is much confusion and little forward movement. . . .  But when the partner is willing to relax and let the other partner do the steering, the couple flows easily across the dance floor."  Courage to Change (p. 350)

"Changing myself is such a big job that it keeps me fully occupied . . . I don't let myself get discouraged. Perfection never really has worried me because I know it's unattainable. Instead, I'm thrilled with the small, daily changes I can make in my attitudes and actions."  Hope for Today (p. 350)

"This one day I can easily cope with, if I have not frittered away my energies on destructive emotions, and if I do not provoke antagonism by criticisms, complaints and reproaches."  One Day at a Time (p. 350)

"Lonely solitude; Paths unknown - Preacher maps; Believers follow."
"God met; Narrow path - Truly secure; His way."   Am I a Poet?

December 14th - Quit hole digging - ask for help

 The story...

There was an older guy, who worked for me, that had a difficult time solving his problems with his computer models - he was modeling changes to parts that our company produced.  He'd spend hours trying to figure out his problems by himself with much wasted time and angst.  He was spending too much time per project - he needed to either improve or move on to another type of job. 

I remember meeting with him, in his office, to discuss the types of problems that he had.  Some were dealing with infrequent exceptions to the design process that had special causes.  Some were due to his methods that were different than the ones that he was trained to perform.  Some were due to misconceptions regarding the Computer-Aided-Design process.  Some were due to terminology that he didn't understand.  Some were due to actual design issues that he didn't have to consider when he was drawing with paper and pencil.  Some were due to a sort of uneasiness with his ability to perform his job with a computer that was forced upon him - he felt less capable and valued by the group.

We better understood each other after we met a few times in his office.  We came up with a solution that included retraining on a few modules.  We worked out arrangements, with three other designers, to ask for help when needed - he came to them with the problem clearly defined.  "Timing" rules minimized his propensity to spin his wheels while "hoping" for a solution.  The process included: 1st, take a few minutes to identify and clarify the problem; 2nd, review the training material; 3rd, seek help from one of the three available designers depending on their specialty;  4th, call the software company help desk; 5th, come to me, his manager, to both alert me and to ask for additional support. 

He followed the new process and his performance and attitude improved - problem solved.  Yet, I'm not sure what the main cause of his problem was.   Was help gained by being understood, valued, and being restored to a fully engaging group member - the Hawthorne effect?  We learned a lesson together - I became both a better person and manager in those few weeks.

Those attending the only church in town will learn that God listens to prayers and requests even though he knows about all situations in advance.  For those who are right with Him, He will either fulfill the request or give in accordance to His will.  His will is supremely better and right in His timing.  He cares for us, His creatures, and has plans for both this life and our eternity to follow - scripture says so.

Just for today...

". . . answers came not from books, but from mutual caring and thinking out loud with someone you felt comfortable with."  One Day at a Time (p. 349)

"If I'm not careful, I overwhelm myself with all the various things I could change and I become paralyzed by inaction. It helps to pray for knowledge of exactly what God wants me to change at any given moment."  Hope for Today (p. 349)

"Hopelessly caught; Sticky web - Cocoon forms; Help me God!"
"His appears; Love felt - Fantasies lost; Eternity unveiled!"    Am I a Poet?

December 1st - Caring for others "in secret?"

The story...

Is it helpful to keep our kind deeds or gifts secret?  Secrecy may prevent unhealthy attachments for our own sake or benefit.  In secret, we may better model our inward hopes sourced from within our hearts. It may enable experiencing the offering of love to another person - experienced grace.  Maybe it's an outward way to resist our central tendency to promote and protect self?  Maybe it'd feel right because its more intrinsically consistent with a good heart?

“1. Take care not to practice your righteousness in the sight of people, to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven. 2. So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, so that they will be praised by people. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. 3. But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4. so that your charitable giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."  Matthew 6:1-4  (NASB)

Matthew exposes a selfish motive for giving and suggests an abnormal alternative.  This secret type of giving may be evidence of a good heart - one who doesn't need the approval of others.  At a minimum, it describes a heart that wants to walk right with God and their fellow man - loving our neighbors as ourselves.

The only church in town will proclaim God's truth and shine Light within a dark world.  Care will be offered from those in Christ.  People will grow to work out their lives with a more confident hope characterized by love and joy.  Graceful people will more naturally give in secret.  The love of God will be witnessed even though much of these internal realities will be hidden within guarded people who work out their lives within a dark world.

Just for today...

"Have I made progress in my effort to correct my faulty attitudes? Have I let discouragement plunge me back into my old habit patterns? When something I did had consequences that made life difficult for me, did I try to blame someone else?"  One Day at a Time (p. 336)

"I began to see that my way of caring often meant reacting and manipulating. I'd do something nice for someone because I wanted to be liked . . . Sometimes I wanted to attach myself and feed off someone mentally, emotionally, and spiritually . . . Sometimes what I call "love" is really just control."  Hope for Today (p. 336)

"Gifted surprise; Wonder why - Sense love; Wholly be."   Am I a Poet?

February 29th: Be free in Christ - unshackled from self bondage

The story...

I can't get no satisfaction trying to please me - it's impossible.  Worse yet, on my own, my efforts to be a good boy leave me insecure when facing rejection, inevitable suffering, and death.  I can't get no satisfaction on my own - it's like tugging around a ball and chain made out of self.

Life would be better if I was okay with me, more openly and honestly relating to other people - bearing the type of fruit that comes from abiding in Christ: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  Scripture says they happen as we trust in Christ and abide in Him too.

Abiding in Christ means a position and a transforming-metamorphosized relationship that includes communication.  We can never fully understand the trinity of God; yet, the gospel of John says that God the Father speaks messages to the Son of God; the Son speaks the messages to the Holy Spirit; and the Holy Spirit indwells and speaks to those in Christ.  Those in Christ pray to the Father in the Son's name - Christ is our mediator.  Prayer and meditation keeps us close to God in a right relationship that can free us from the bondage of self today.

February 29th, we'll see you in another four years if God so wills.  Let's keep the communication flowing - we need each other.

"Stuck in a box; Built over time - Cold and lonely; It's all mine."  Am I a Poet?

Step towards better understanding the "good life."

Welcome fellow life travelers who're committed to a more realistic view of ourselves and our faith in God. This blog is an attempt to "flesh out" key points of a life journey within 365 daily buckets.   I'm a curious person by nature and continue to be surprised at the value of introspection grounded in reality.  Might daily reflections "paint" a good life that we can work out and share with other community members?  The kind of community that might be experienced in the only church in town.